Stopping the Freight Train

What did we do before email?

Seriously, though.

What was the world like before we could instantly communicate with people around the globe? Reflecting on that makes me feel very small.

  
Anywho.

In case you were unaware, I have an email address for the blog. (Also a twitter @Anarevealed and Instagram @beauty.beyond.bones.) But my email is  beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com where you can email me with questions, comments, the weather report, conspiracy theories about Serial, freak out responses over The Bachelor…you name it. I’m all ears.

  
And let me just say that I love all the emails you guys send. They make my day:) Thank you. <3

But there’s one topic that I get asked about ten times more than any other. And it’s something that I was actually talking to my mom about recently.

And it has to do with how I actually changed my thinking surrounding ED.

  
Young warriors reach out to me all the time about their racing ED thoughts, and how they’re constantly suffering from anxiety and depression. And they want to know how I put those thoughts to rest. How I changed my thinking.

  
And that’s a great question. And I was talking to my mom about this topic today, and she goes, “Now that‘s a blog post.” She said that this was always something that she was fascinated by, and has always wondered how, exactly, I was able to change my thinking.

And I don’t really know how to start talking about this, or have a witty intro, so I’m just going to start. (Disclaimer, this is going to be talking about anorexia specifically in the beginning, but I promise it will be worth the read, even if you don’t suffer from an eating disorder.)

  
  
Let me start with some ground work: There’s a grave misconception about eating disorders, and anorexia in particular. There’s this commonly held belief that people who suffer with eating disorders are superficial, self-obsessed, highly vain individuals who stare in front of a mirror all day thinking, “Oh, I want to starve myself to become skinny like a model. Oh look how beautiful I’m becoming.” 

That could not be further from the truth. 

   

Anorexia and eating disorders are not some passive quest to become “hot.”

It is a manic disease.

Thoughts racing constantly – about food, about what to eat, when to eat, how to get away with not eating, how to exercise, how to sneak exercise or extra movements throughout the day, freaking out over sitting still, thoughts of self-hatred, thoughts of comparison, losing sleep over recalling that day’s intake, anxiety over not sleeping – there is literally a freight train barreling full speed ahead in your brain. I described it to my mom (later, of course) as being caught in a hurricane. On a treadmill at full speed that you just can’t get off of.

  

In fact, one of the most “controversial” blog posts on here was a piece where I recounted a typical day at the height of my disease. It was a firsthand account of those manic thoughts I had – down to the minute. And it made my parents really sad to truly see the reality of the nature of the disease. And as a result, I have edited it – “polished it”- to make it more “palatable,” but that’s the truth. That’s what anorexia is really like. It’s not some girl locked away in her bedroom pouting because she can’t fit into size 0 jeans and refusing to eat as a result. It is a full fledged attack on the mind. Incessant. Wounding. Manic thoughts.

And here’s the tough part: there’s no “emergency brake” lever that you can just pull.

You can’t just stop thinking that way. Because you’re so caught up in this whirlwind in your mind, that you can’t not think that way at the snap of your fingers. You can’t just flip a switch.

So that leads to the question: How, then, did you manage to escape those thoughts? How did you change your thinking?

*Sigh*

Well, it was a long process.

But here’s the long and the short of it: instead of trying to stop thinking that way, I instead started thinking about something else.

I filled my mind with other thoughts. 

  

In order to combat these flaming arrows being hurled at me nonstop by ED, I made the conscious decision to think about good things.

Namely, Jesus.

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I look back to my journals I kept while I was at inpatient, and I absolutely POURED over scripture. Focusing on God’s word that He loved me. That He would strengthen me. That He would comfort me and protect me.

And even though I might not have fully believed it at the time (which I will discuss in an upcoming post), I was proactively filling my mind with those truths so that my brain simply didn’t have any time to be thinking about destructive thoughts.

IMG_1912
I constantly listened to Christian podcasts, worship music, read Christian books. I went to mass every single day. Anything and everything to keep my mind focused and zeroed in on the Truth, so that the lies could not penetrate inside.

And I believe that in doing so, Jesus was doing a lot of work behind the scenes. I was actively seeking Him, and so He responded to that earnest effort by healing my mind and heart and protecting me from those attacks from ED.

  
This is not simply an issue for ED sufferers. Every single one of us can think of a time when we’ve been plagued with doubt. Or fear. Or worry. Anxiety. Discouragement.

And even though our thoughts might not be manic, a flaming arrow is a flaming arrow. And so often we can feel as though we’re being succumbed by the attack. That there’s no way out. No respite from the storm.

We have to actively seek the good. Replace those lies, those haranguing thoughts, with the truth.

  
Here a link with an excerpt from my inpatient journal with all the scripture that got me through the storm.

Daily Thoughts for Strength | BeautyBeyondBones

Thinking about the good is a habit. It is a skill that we can learn and hone. It is one that I still use and still work on to this day. That’s how my Instagram was born: it is a continuation of my quest for the good. And I share the quote art photos I create as a way to keep my mind on the good. And maybe help others do the same.

You must master a new way to think in order to master a new way to be.

   

 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we’re all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

140 thoughts on “Stopping the Freight Train

  1. My partner suffered from an eating disorder and has made wonderful and victorious progress throughout the years. I know it is not easy but the courage that both of you have and the strength in the weakness shows.

  2. It always leads to Jesus. No matter what is happening in the moment, the key is to go back to basics, specifically scriptures. I love that you have this truth in your heart.

  3. Such an inspiring post. You have traveled quite a journey to reach where you are now and I admire you deeply. I lost a dear friend to Anorexia over 30 years ago, she was only 18, and I still recall how it impacted all our lives. I wish you continued love, strength and support on your journey. I love the quotes here.

    1. Thank you Miriam. Oh my gosh, How tragic. I am so sorry for you loss. That absolutely breaks my heart. I think people often forget that anorexia, is in fact, a disease that claims lives and I’m so sorry that you have to know that first hand. I’m sending you a big hug through the computer right now. Thanks for this personal reflection and for taking the time to read. Love❤️

      1. Thank you, beautiful lady. It was a long time ago but sometimes things trigger memories of her and what she went through. You take care. It’s always a pleasure to read your posts. xx

  4. Yes! Such an important concept for all of us…displacing negative thinking with positive affirmation. See 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Isaiah 26:3…great post, thanks for your transparency.

      1. You are SO welcome:) …..the road can be HARD ….but it sometimes seems we have to reach that most difficult of places for the light to come on ( like a dandilion breaking through a crack in the concrete I always think) may it stay with you and by your example help switch on the light for others ……your blog is wonderful:):):):):):):)

  5. I completely agree with this. I have never suffered from ED but do experience anxiety, and the best way I find to combat it is to think or sing praise and worship songs, read the Word, pray and ‘avert’ my mind (it’s the only way I can really describe it, but I look away from the anxious thoughts and turn my attention to something else). Thanks for your openness and honesty; you are shining a light for many. X

    1. Thank you for sharing this Kat:) I so appreciate your kind words and affirmation. I totally feel you. There’s something about dwelling on His word that brings comfort and peace. I’m so glad you’ve found that as well:) thanks again for stopping by. Hugs and love to you xox

  6. A truly wonderful and intelligent post as usual 🙂 Anorexia like any common disorder can be very difficult to get over quickly and based on this blog entry, it seems like it took you a while as well. The way you depict anorexia here comes off as truly disturbing. If your description was a PSA commercial (Public Service Announcement), how much do you want to bet it would make TV ad executives scared to air it. Although I live in the US (I am American) and not the UK, the PSA announcements there are disturbing to the max. I watch youtube, what can I say 🙂 I am not making light of what you said though, I just mentioned it because PSA ads have a way of trying to depict the reality of a disorder. I think that was very encouraging of your mother to tell you to write about why you changed your thinking about anorexia and eating disorders in general 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

    1. Thanks so much John! You’re right-I think it could probably be a PSA as well. I’ve never seen a UK one but I’ll take your word for it. You’re right, changing ones thinking is really building new habits of thinking. And you’re right it does take time. But I’m so grateful I had a Helper to do so:) thanks again for your wonderful insight, as always! Hugs! Xx

  7. Yes yes yes! I could not have described the mania that is an eating disorder any better myself! Jesus is truly THE WAY, just as He tells us in His Word. He is my conqueror over both Bulimia and Anorexia! Thank you so much for sharing so bravely!

    1. Hi Lefebvres! Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️ amen. Jesus is absolutely positively the source of my recovery and I owe my life to him. In more ways than one. So happy that you’ve also found the freedom of recovery. Sending so much love and hugs. Rock on, warrior xox

  8. Think about something else. So simple, yet so powerful. When I was going through bad stuff with family, I would actively put them out of my mind because it would just bring me down. Another example of this is when I first became a vegan. For ethical purposes I choose to not consume animal products, and thinking about other people doing so would make me really sad. I could be an angry vegan. However, wise people told me that rather than focusing energy on the bad, it was more productive to see the good parts of veganism and be happy for the world and the wonderful way God has provided nourishment and technology so we do not have to let animals suffer any longer. It’s so much better to choose happiness 🙂

    1. Hi beautiful! What an astute reflection. Thanks for sharing this. You’re right-it seems so simple, yet it is VERY hard to do, and VERY powerful. It’s just like building any other habit or skill-practice practice practice. That’s another great example with Veganism. So true–focus on the good:) thanks for stopping by my love! Have a wonderful evening! Xox

  9. As one diagnosed with depression, my therapist gave me a wonderful affirmation that I have repeated so many times: “I will not let my illness define who I am.” Thank you for sharing your walk of faith…there is so much strength in Jesus!

    1. Hi Rick! Thank you so much for sharing this. That is a really powerful quote. You’re right-no label can define who we are. Only Jesus can:) and He tells us that we are good. Thanks again for stopping by! Hugs! Xox

  10. This was great! Wow! I read some of the things you say and man, it sounds like I and even people I know ….a lot of people have an eating disorder. A dear friend of mine I think is so preoccupied with loosing weight that she eats only a banana for breakfast only a salad for lunch and nothing for supper and walks four miles a day. She says food is her enemy. She’s measuring herself every day….just obsessed with her size and getting skinny. I’ve said some things to her but people have to figure things out for themselves. Well she’s young shell learn. I guess its OK to enjoy life while you loose weight. You know? We only have one life so why not enjoy it?

    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much:) gosh, it does sound like there is some underlying pain surrounding food with your friend. My heart goes out to her. So glad you stopped by! Sending love and hugs xox

  11. Wow! What a powerful post. Your source of “changing the mindset” is 100% the answer to not only ED….but soooo many things that we fight in our lives! Such deep truth and very timely! Thank you!

    1. Thanks so much 🙂 I really appreciate your encouraging and supportive words. You’re right- that definitely applies to A LOT more than just ED. thanks for this response. Hugs and love to you xox

  12. Oh! And I never thought of reading scripture and focusing on the Lord to combat ED. (I guess that stands for eating disorder). Great idea! After being in an abusive relationship with two marriages where both of the men talked ugly about my body even telling me they’d rather divorce me and not waste the money sending me to weight watchers, I have had a very difficult time accepting the way I look. But check out my recent post on choosing lifestyle change instead of acceptance. I don’t look so bad. But I just want to loose weight because my diabetes has been out of control and the medication isn’t working all that great.

    1. Oh yes. Jesus was central to my recovery. Nay…He IS my recovery. I owe everything to Him. I’m so sorry that you had to endure those abusive marriages. You did not deserve that. You deserve to be treated as the beautiful, precious and capable woman you are, and I just am so sorry that those men betrayed that duty. I will definitely check out your post. Sending a big big hug through the computer xox

  13. What I’ve learned is that it doesn’t have to be ED that robs you of sleep, or makes you worry. It could be anything that you feel anxious about, or afraid to think about. And while I haven’t conquered worry or being anxious about what may or may not happen, the suggestions in this post are of something similar that I am going to try. To ask God that my mind be cleared of the anxious thoughts; and if not that, let me remember the good that He has done for me in my life. It is those thoughts, I believe, that can help me get through time and again. Thanks for this post. So beautiful.

    1. Hey T! What a great reflection. You’re so right-this applies to WAY MORE than just eating disorders. And yes, giving it over to God and focusing on the good definitely gets us through. Thanks for taking the time to read! Have a great night!

  14. This is great — I think you can apply this formula to breaking any vice. Focus on the Truth; I like that.

    Ok now a question for you, unless you only take question submissions over email lol: what might you suggest that those of us afflicted with other vices but not an ED might do to help those suffering from one? How can we help?

    Perhaps you’ve written on this and can direct me, but if nottt…

    1. Thank you so much. You’re absolutely right. It is applicable to everything we’re going through. For there is freedom in The Truth. This is a great question. So I actually have written about this before. And I hate to be like “read this” – because I don’t want you to feel that I’m brushing you off. Because I’m absolutely not. It’s just the answer is a lot more in depth than any 2 sentence response in a comments section would give justice to. So: http://beautybeyondbones.com/2015/03/26/for-parents/ It’s written specifically for parents and loved ones. I think you’ll find it very helpful. Thanks for the question, MM ☺️☺️ have a great night xox

  15. Enjoyed the article. I was not aware of exactly what anorexia was. Sorry to say I actually was one of those people who thought it was just people wanting to not eat to fit into that size 0″ pair of jeans. Thank you for the eye opener.

    1. Thanks Bill:) I appreciate the feedback. No need to apologize at all! I just figured with the beginning of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week that this would be a good day to share this. Cuz you’re right, it is often misunderstood. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read. Hugs to you!

  16. I hardly know what to say, considering all the good stuff that’s already been said. I was going to send you a bunch of Zen wisdom. And I thought better of it because I didn’t want tp offend you, you being a Christian and all. But then I thought, “Prayer is prayer and maybe the name of the One you’re praying to doesn’t matter as much as the heart of the prayerful person. Which is you!

    Psychologically, there really is a way to peace through prayer, song, poetry, Nature, Love.

    I don’t know if I’m making sense or not. I really do have brain-damage from m y stroke, but I used to be a damn good psychotherapist. Anyway, all seekers of truth are blessed and you’re well on your way to greaat wisdom.

    Your friend,

    Jonah

    1. “And I don’t really know how to start talking about this, or have a witty intro, so I’m just going to start.”

      Thanx; cause you gave me the courage to start even though I didn’t knoiw what would come out. If you’re interested you can see torrow’s post.

      Goodnight.

    2. Thank you so much for this reflection, Jonah! It really means a lot that you would take time out of your day to read my words:) I respect everyone’s different beliefs. Every single person has value is is worthy of love and dignity. And we’re all on this journey of life together. So I just want to join hands and encourage and love everyone along the way☺️ so yes, I am a Christian, but I respect the fact that not everyone believes what I do. And That’s okay! I just want to offer love and encouragement to whose ever paths I cross:) ❤️❤️❤️ I hope that makes sense lol thanks again for stopping by. Hugs and love to you friend!

  17. Getting close with God and Jesus does help to ease the troubles of an illness, especially during a relapse. 😛 It’s good you always have their eye turned on Them. Keep it up!

  18. Thank you for sharing! So often I think our anxiety and fear is a kind of spiritual warfare, and the only way to combat it is Truth! The more we immerse ourselves in The Gospel, the less room there is for distraction, self destruction and untruth about ourselves and our perspectives! I love your honesty in that your belief in what you were reading and hearing may not have been immediate, but He met you where you were and carried you the rest of the way! Thank you, Jesus!

    1. Thanks Bobbi! Wow, what a beautiful response. You’re so right. I think that Jesus pulled a “Footprints in the Sand” — where, I was struggling along, only seeing one set of footprints, but it turns out that those footprints were His because He was carrying me. I think Jesus does that a lot a lot a lot more than we realize. he is good! Thanks again for stopping by. Hugs and love to you xox

  19. Wonderful quote art photos. I agree that changing negative thinking with good thinking works; and God’s Truth is the best source for getting that process going. Your article reminds me of my mom’s advice during a painful bout of depression I had years ago. She said, “If you have emptiness from feeling great loss, fill that hole with something else that is good.” She was so right. I took her advice because “when all else fails, do what your mother says” sort of thinking. It was a long road to recovery, but looking back, the only thing that has ever filled that hole has been a renewed relationship with God through searching His Word. You are correct that it works for not only ED but virtually any ailment or disorder. Thanks also for linking to the list of scriptures for strength. I am happy for your healing and know that God is using your willingness to share your story to help and encourage many others.

    1. Thank you so much Sherron. Wow, what kind words.☺️ you’re right – mom knows best! That was really great advice that she gave you. There is such comfort and peace when we dwell on His truth. Sending so much love and hugs. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your heart xox

  20. As a new follower, not knowing where you were coming from, I began reading this post with some trepidation, thinking perhaps it might not go in the right direction. I now stand amazed at the clarity of your insight, and your ability to help others along the way, because you found the only true way to claim all God wants for each of us. God Bless.

    1. Hi Nanny! Oh wow, thank you so much for these affirming words! I’m so glad that you enjoyed it. Yeah, I was a little weary about publishing this post, because it is one of the few that really does focus on anorexia specifically, but I went ahead because even though this particular example may be specific to ED, the lesson is universal. I try to do that with all my posts. So I hope you stop back again☺️ but thank you so much for taking the time to read! I so appreciate it. You hit on a great point: God DOES want each and every one of us to claim that freedom. Because He loves us so incredibly much. Have a great afternoon, friend! Hugs!

  21. Reblogged this on Church Set Free and commented:
    A couple of days ago I linked a post (How much should a Christian Weigh?) to the blog of beautybeyondbones. This morning this post form bbb was in my reader.
    Just in case you haven’t managed to read bbb’s story, here is why I think you might like to – because a small extract of today’s post is:

    “So that leads to the question: How, then, did you manage to escape those thoughts? How did you change your thinking?
    *Sigh*
    Well, it was a long process.
    But here’s the long and the short of it: instead of trying to stop thinking that way, I instead started thinking about something else.
    I filled my mind with other thoughts.”

    There is a reason this wonderful human being has so many followers and comments – and I am in awe of the way bbb responds to EACH one! Wow!
    BUT … if you need another reason – she loves Jesus!

  22. “This is not simply an issue for ED sufferers. Every single one of us can think of a time when we’ve been plagued with doubt. Or fear. Or worry. Anxiety. Discouragement.”

    Amen.

    It’s a better day when I can read something written by you, JD. Your blog title is missing something, though. Yeh. Should be, “Beauty&BrainsBeyondBones”

    Have a blessed day, darlin’!

    1. Hahahahaha oh my gosh Tony that is so great! You made me laugh out loud! But seriously, thank you☺️ so incredibly kind for you to say. I just have to say, you have been such a consistent source of encouragement and friendship and support for me. Truly. Your words of validation and affirmation that you so generously offered(and offer still) were honest-to-goodness one of the main reasons why I kept at it and continued blogging. So thank you, my friend. You’re a good soul and I’m blessed to called you friend. Hugs xoxo

  23. Seeking God is always the answer! I’m really happy for you, I don’t know what it is to have that but your recover as been so nice to read about ! Mindset is everything , changing it can lead to greater things! You keep on being this beautiful soul! Xoxo

    1. Thank you Lady Sergine! Oh my gosh, you made me smile:) Yes it is! There is strength and courage to be found when we focus on the truth❤️ sending love and hugs! Have a great day xox

  24. Your approach works. When my husband told me that he didn’t want to be married to me anymore (that he couldn’t even stand the smell of me) I was 6 months pregnant with our second child. I was working full-time and had a 2 year old daughter with cerebral palsy. I could not afford to fall apart. I bought cassette tapes of positive affirmations, self-love messages, subliminal messages under music, and The Road Less Traveled. I wore head phones day and night. I wept constantly but kept working and taking care of myself and my daughter. Understandably my son was born depressed; he wouldn’t pink-up and they called code on him when he was born. He improved, though, and I brought him home on Valentines Day; he was 5 days old. That was also the day my husband moved out. I clung to those cassette tapes for another 6-12 months. It has not been easy and now, living alone, 26 years later, I find I have some repressed grieving to do. But at the time, drowning out the pain and injury with positive messages was the only way I could survive.

    Now, having done some very hard work with spiritual healers within the Episcopal Church, I have drained and healed many old wounds from childhood and Jesus has moved into my heart and filled in those wounds. Apparently, I have more work to do, but your strategy of replacing manic, negative thoughts with thoughts of Christ and love is an amazingly effective way to bring about change.

    1. Wow. What an amazing story. We all have a lot more work to do, but looking to Christ before we do anything else certainly helps us all do the work we need to do!

      May God bless you and keep you and your children filled with His love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness.

    2. Wow, Kitsy, thank you for sharing this. First of all, again, it breaks my heart that in your marriage, you were not cherished and treated with the love and respect that you so so deserve. Know that you really do deserve that. ❤️ I’m so glad that you’ve found the healing power of Jesus. You’re right- His love is amazingly effective. And praise God for the community within the body of Christ (and for those cassette tapes ☺️). Sending you so much love and hugs my friend.

  25. Oh, wow, thank you so much for being such a positive voice! When I was struggling with an eating disorder, I wish I had come across a blog like yours. I think I would have seen hope so much sooner. God bless you!!

    1. Hi Nicole, wow thank you so much for these kind and encouraging words. It really means a lot:) so glad you’ve found the freedom of recovery ❤️ hugs and love to you xox thanks again for sharing your heart xx

  26. I probably should thank you more often than I do for your story, your sharing, honesty but most of all recognition that your cross has led you to where you need to be, with Jesus. It really helps reading what you have to share. I so much thank Jesus for his spirit living in you. God bless you!

  27. Love this! I addressed this myth in my most recent post, too. So many people think eating disorders are because of our weight, but it’s really the other way around. Thanks for sharing!

  28. Paul’s (Just me being curious) blog led me to your post. Wow! What a wonderful encouragement you are!
    My wife has dealt with panic attacks, which don’t even make sense to her, so I understand how ED can be so misunderstood by people who’ve never suffered from it. The thing is, until you hear people’s stories you don’t really understand issues like this. That’s why your story is so important.
    Many blessings to you.

    1. Wow, thank you so much Mel, for this encouragement. That really means a lot. You’re right, it’s when we actually put a face with something that we actually see something more clearly. I’m so glad this resonated with you. Thanks again for stopping by. Paul is a great friend that I’ve been blessed to get to know through this blogging community! So welcome! And I hope you stop by again soon 🙂 hugs xox

  29. Very positive and encouraging story. You are and will be an inspiration and help to a lot of people. God does his work in many ways and you are one of those ways young lady. Blessings.

    1. Hi Corrie! Oh my gosh, thank you☺️ that absolutely warmed my heart❤️ cheesy, I know but I so appreciate the encouragement. God is good that’s all I can say! Thanks for your continued readership xoxo hugs!

  30. Yes, yes, yes! I love it! The temptation to want to conquer the ED thoughts is always there. We know they aren’t logical so we want to fight with them and prove them wrong. But like a child throwing a temper tantrum, sometimes you just have to walk away and fill your ears with something else because there is no reasoning with it. It is so tempting to fight with them, but we end up just wasting more energy.
    I love that is how your Instagram came about. I have a notebook I treasure which my therapist had me create in which every day I found one quote or phrase and printed it, cut it out, and pasted it. At the beginning some days it would take me nearly 30 minutes to find a quote that actually motivated me. Little did I know she was teaching me to think in a different way.
    I love reading your posts as always. Sincerely, I feel less alone in this battle when I did. XOXO

    1. Hi friend! What a beautiful reflection. Thank you for sharing this. You’re so right- we have to resist the urge and just walk away and fill our minds and hearts with goodness. That does sounds like a great thing to do with the quotes–sounds rather similar to my daily routine ☺️☺️ I tend to make my quote art before bed. I can’t do it in the morning-as soon as I’m up my feet hit the floor and it’s off to the NYC races! Haha thanks again for the positive feedback. It means more than you know ❤️😘

  31. I am thrilled God helped you figure out getting rid of the toxic thoughts and getting in good ones. I went through that when I was in pre-term labor with my daughter. The drs. said it was too early and if she came she wouldn’t make it. I was put on complete bed rest for three months. The first two weeks I couldn’t stop the images of her being born and dying. I prayed and prayed and after two weeks the thoughts stopped. She ended up being full term and healthy and I was at peace.

    1. Thank you Lisa. Wow Lisa, what an incredible story. There is power in prayer! Praise God that your daughter was born healthy and without complication. God is good:) thanks again for your encouraging words. Hugs and love to you xox

  32. Very well said. Just like Paul had mentioned his “thorn in his side” it was a constant battle to stay on top of it, but because of it he was enabled to stay in close contact with God, because it reminded him he couldn’t do it alone.
    On another note it is very important when dealing with such a very hard thing as ED (or attempting to recover) that simply the removal of the problem is not enough. the empty space left by it must be filled and if left empty, the problem with only return with a worsening appetite. (Jesus’ story about the spirit exercised from the mind only to return with 7 more even worse.) It’s a very good thing that you filled the place of ED with godly things. Keep at it. It may be a thorn in the side sometimes, but it will inevitably bring you closer to God when you seek Him in the midst of it.

    1. Thank you so much. You have such great insight here. You’re right, clinging to God has ultimate revealed my absolutely reliance on god. That I am nothing without Him and desperately need His presence in my life. Thanks for the encouragement my friend. Have a beautiful afternoon! And thanks for reading xx

  33. I always love to read your stuff! I don’t suffer from a ED but I do from drug addiction and even though they are different..they are still the same. Every one is encouraging to me! Keep it up. I feel like I’m walking this with you. ❤️

    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much Irene! That really means a lot. Yes, sistah – we are definitely in this side by side ☺️ keep up the good fight❤️ thanks again for stopping by! Hugs and love!

  34. I just shared my story and here I am reading this timely post… Thank you for this! Has cemented things the Lord has been teaching me in this season of my life. So true about us having our minds renewed in Christ Jesus. Blessings 🙂

  35. This is so very true, master a new way to think, by doing so you have to let go of the old. Let go of the junk in the trunk. For me surrendering 100% to Jesus and putting all my junk from the trunk at his feet was the first step at mastering a new way to think. 🙂

    1. Thank yo so much for this great reflection! “Let go of the junk in the trunk”…I like that! You’re right-Jesus is the ultimate of source of healing. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs xox

  36. Reblogged this on Exploring Alura and commented:
    What a wonderful way to open up your own heart to share the message with others who are struggling through parallel pain and suffering. It is in this thin and veiled connection that we can truly reach out and heal one another in an attempt to heal all the pain “THE ONE” has been inflicted with.

  37. We call them ‘blessing breaks’ around here. Rather than focusing on all the negative, we actively choose to be thankful, to look at all the positive and good things going on. As you mentioned, some days it’s an all day practice!

    1. Hello again Karen! What a great practice. I absolutely love that: choosing to be thankful. Gonna implement that into my life. Thanks for sharing this! Hugs and love to you xox

  38. Thanks for continuing to share your journey with us. It’s so refreshing and I have to say …I think this same discipline would help with anxiety issues that I often have as well! Jesus is great like that to help, isn’t He! Thanks 🙂

  39. ​BBB, I’m finally catching up on some reading after falling behind, and I’m SO GLAD that I didn’t skip this post. I want to climb to the top of my building, stand on the roof, and scream at the top of my lungs, “YEEESSSSS!!!!!” until I am hoarse. How many times do I tell myself, “I can’t!” before I finally do it, whatever “it” is, and then realize that I could, and I just did? It is a constant effort. The transformation of self is continual. There is always something that comes next, no matter what hurdles I overcome. And it is not me who is transforming myself, it is God who is transforming me. I can’t save myself. I can only surrender myself and rely on Him. Christ, who is fully God and fully human, is closer to me than I am to myself, He understands me better than I understand myself. He knows what I need, and He is constantly pouring those graces out for me through His Holy Spirit. “Yes!” to the description of what it is like to live with an eating disorder. The mania, the self-loathing, the unending panic, misery, hate, and excruciatingness of it all. There is no brake to stop the train. Trying to fight only makes it worse. There is only acceptance and surrender. Your story of transformation is so powerful! Your dedication, commitment, and resoluteness is inspirational. THANK YOU!

    1. Hey Lulu! Oh my gosh thank you for this ☺️ you made me smile this morning☺️❤️☺️ you’re so right-we don’t have to do it ourselves. We just have to hand it over. And how comforting to know that we’re in the strongest and most capable hands there are–God’s. Thanks for stopping by today, Lulu. Hope you’re having a wonderful day. Love ya! Xox

      1. You’re welcome! I’m smiling too and sending love back! Hope you’re having a lovely day, too, my friend! ❤️

  40. Beauty, I’ve found you to be such a kind, gentle soul, I forget what a truly tough cookie you are!! Changing the way we think is very difficult. I’ve always had a very explosive temper. Wish it wasn’t so; I really hate that monster inside. I’ve kept him at bay pretty well for some years now; I’d forgotten what a struggle it was. Your post reminded me…in a good way. You constantly amaze! Food for your readers!

    1. Hey Jeffrey! Gosh thank you for this. I think we all have things inside that we have to keep at bay–whether that’s a temper, or being judgmental, or ED thoughts, or depressive thoughts–we all have our different “things.” thankfully we have Someone who is bigger and stronger than all those things ☺️ thanks again for stopping by and reading all my posts. It really means a lot to me:) and wow you’re almost all caught up! 😱 I appreciate you, friend. Have a wonderful night. Hugs xox

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