More than a Mirror

I woke up this Sunday morning with a pit in my stomach.

Bleary eyed, groggy, and frankly, just disappointed in myself.

Not for anything you’re thinking right now. Come onnnn people, get your minds out of the gutter. 🙂 You already know I’m saving myself until marriage.


But I was angry with myself for a different reason: I didn’t treat myself with love and respect the night before.

I think there’s a grave misconception about something:

Loving yourself.

I give a lot of lip service to those two, seemingly “okay-okay, enough already“-esq words.

We think…it’s something that you would tell a teenage girl, going through puberty with acne and a retainer.


“Love yourself, honey.”

Or, we think about someone looking in the mirror, unhappy with their appearance, pondering the Dove commercials. “Love yourself.”  And, yes, those are two things that “loving yourself” encompasses. However, when I talk about loving yourself, I’m talking about waaaaay more than just a mirror.

It dictates your behavior.

During the depths of my anorexia, self love was non-existant. The very essence of the disease seeks to destroy oneself. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you’re slowing killing yourself. Blunt. But true.

There is no “self love” there. In fact, the exact opposite.

So, the biggest aspect of my recovery has been to learn how to reverse that mindset – which had been engrained in my head, conditioned as the norm,  and was my “autopilot” —  and learn to love myself.

And what I’ve learned is that this extends far beyond a mirror.


This past weekend, I experienced, firsthand, yet another area that is influenced by loving yourself: romantic relationships.

Now, I know, this is nothing new. You all know the journey my love life has been on.

But this was a new manifestation, if you will. And it revealed a gaping hole in my progress.

Self love also means not letting people treat you poorly. 

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To make a very long and complicated story short-ish, basically, a boy did not treat me with emotional respect. This boy I have a complicated history with, invited me to his party…where his new girlfriend was in attendance. But here’s the thing: I willing put myself in that situation where I knew my heart was going to be broken. I went and put on the the brave “we’re just friends” face, even though that’s not how my heart felt.

Gurrrrl, you stand up for yourself, honey! Don’t you take that crap! Boy’s a player, ain’t got time for those games.


Believe me. I’ve heard it. From my mom. From my friends. From my rational mind after the fact.

BUT. I still subjected myself to a situation where my finally “healed-and-moved-on” -heart would be reopened.

And I’m angry at myself, because I allowed it to happen. I allowed my heart to “go there” again, and let myself be disrespected emotionally.

It’s disappointing more than anything. Because here’s the thing: my actions communicated to myself that that’s what I think I’m worth. My behavior — going and seeing this guy that I still had feelings for, now with another girl — it communicated to myself, “You know what BBB? You’re really not worthy of being someone’s first choice.


Acting with love for myself, I would have not gone. I would have not submitted my heart to being hurt like that. But I did, and it shows just how far I still have to go on my journey to true self love.


Yes, loving yourself means accepting the person staring back at you in the mirror. Embracing your freckles, accepting your imperfections, having confidence, “BOdy POsitivity” or BOPO, if you will.

But there are far “weightier” implications that those two little words have.

And that is, to demand to be treated with the respect you deserve. To only surround yourself with people who see you for the incredible person you are, and treat you as such.

It means saying no to things that aren’t good for you.


This looks different for everybody. Everybody has that one thing that they just can’t quit, try as they might. Be it, compulsive shopping, smoking, excessive partying or drinking, overeating, under eating, gambling, you name it. I found yet another “thing” this weekend: emotional irresponsibility.

Who knows, maybe I’m just being too sensitive. Making a mountain out of a mole hill.

But actions speak louder than words, and if I really reflect on my decision to submit myself to that emotionally hurtful situation, it communicates a lot.

At the end of the day, self love dictates everything we do. It’s the foundation we build our lives on. And if that foundation is grounded in fleeting things like money, or success, other people’s opinions, beauty, the latest fashions…we’re going to be in a world of hurt. It’s like building a house on sand.

But, if our lives are grounded in love – self love that comes from claiming God’s immense love for each one of us – we’re going to be able to withstand whatever comes our way.

So, no. Self love is not just about a mirror. That’s part – but only a very small part.


 

 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

246 thoughts on “More than a Mirror

  1. This is brill – it is so true that you should love yourself for who you are, and set a standard for others. I love the quotes! Super post, thanks 🙂

  2. I love this! So beautifully written and so true. If only more women were demanding the respect they deserve, then maybe we could start changing the mindsets of the girls coming up generations behind us xx

  3. It’s hard to express how I feel about this, but I love every point and quote you have made here. It is absolutely one of the bests posts I have ever read about how we should view ourselves, and treat ourselves. Superb is one word I thought of. The quote about being a masterpiece and a work in progress, is so so powerful. Thank you for writing this and sharing your journey. Peace.

    1. Hey Nicodemas. Wow, thank you for such kind and validating words. It means the world. I’m so glad it resonated with you. that quote is one of my favorites too–story of life: always a work in progress, yet always a masterpiece 🙏 Thanks for stopping by! Hugs xox

      1. I so agree – loving yourself is not just about liking what you see in the mirror although I haven’t even completely mastered that yet I still have a touch of Body Dysmorphic Disorder though nothing like it was. It is about treating yourself with respect, not allowing yourself to be disrespected and not allowing yourself to be hurt. I’m learning how to do that, pulling away from a guy I thought I was in love with who wasn’t interested in me. Every time I saw him it was painful – now I don’t phone him, don’t email don’t text and it is much better. I guess you need to put in some distance between you and this guy at the party to protect yourself.

      2. Thanks for this insight Caroline. You’re so right-gotta protect my heart, and putting distance between myself and the guy is definitely a good way to do that. Thanks for that:) so glad that your BDD is doing better☺️ that’s awesome. You go girl. Hugs to you xox

  4. Beautiful words BBB! You again have encouraged me to love me! It’s something I too struggle with and have come to realize the children I teach can pick up on self love. I need to love myself and take care of myself so that my students can learn from my actions!
    I love how you realized what you were doing and put a stop to those negative thoughts. Negativity unfortunately will always be in our lives, but we can be the ones who bring the positivity!!!

    1. Thank you so much Hilary! You’re absolutely right. I think about the kids I nanny for-they can definitely pick up on self love. So I have to be aware of my actions for their sake too! But so true–we can bring the positivity! Thanks so much for stopping by! Hugs and love to you xox

    1. Hey Miriam! Thank you:) you’re absolutely right. It’s an easy thing to forget. It’s definitely a skill-one to practice and work on. Thanks for this great reflection! Hugs!

    1. Thanks Rick. Yes, loving ourselves can bring freedom to lots and lots of different areas of our lives. Thanks for sharing this reflection and taking the time to read. Hugs to you friend! Xox

  5. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though. I must admit i am no better, in some way. I am crushing hard on a girl who has a boyfriend. 🙁

    You’re a sweet girl. Remember Jesus loves you!

    And I think you are really awesome.

    1. And between the two people I mention that thinks highly of you, the former is more important, I’d say. 🙂

  6. I remember a time when I was asking God why I was being treated a certain way by some of the people I love and I will never forget His answer to me, I didn’t hear an audible voice but in my heart God said, ” do you want to know why they treat you that way” I said an emphatic YES because here was my answer and He said “They treat you that way because you let them”! Not the answer I was expecting but, it was clearly the answer I needed to hear, the truth no matter how much it hurts has the ability if received to set one free. Needless to say things in my life have changed and your post sheds more light on the insight God gave me that day 😉

    1. Hi friend. Wow what an incredible experience! Thank you for sharing that. I definitely believe that God works in mysterious ways so I don’t doubt for a second that He was telling you what you needed to hear that day. And how true He is. We have to demand to be treated with the love and respect we inherently have as His children! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love to you xoxox

  7. Such a depth and wisdom behind your sentiments. I invited people to hurt me, because I didn’t like who I was. Living a lie. Being the prototype we see glamorized. The traditions perpetuated. Now that I’ve stopped apologizing for who I am, and rid myself of those that didn’t appreciate our differences, loving myself is so easy. Before, it felt impossible. Great article.

    1. Hi Noelle! Aw thank you so much. Amen sister. We should never apologize for who we are. Easier said than done and I’m definitely working on that. But you go girl! I’m cheering for you that you’ve found and embraced that freedom!! Hugs and love to you xoxox

  8. Oh man girl I’m praying for you! Old loves are a hard thing. Each time mine contacts me, I have to tell myself that door is still firmly closed. I’ve reopened that wound before and it was stupid. Now that door is CLOSED no matter how vulnerable I feel. xoxoxo

    1. So much truth in what you say, Ellie. SO much truth and SO much easier said than done! I’ll have to take a page from your book next time. But you’re right-gotta keep that door closed! Thanks for stopping by my beautiful friend! Have a lovely evening! Xox

  9. this is such a great post. I totally feel you on this. I have disrespected myself emotionally recently, and for a boy as well. I totally feel you. We all have work to do. Love this post, no more reopening that wound <3 http://www.tifness.com

    1. Thanks Tifness:) I appreciate your kind and affirming words. You’re right. Gotta work on that. Because we’re worth so much more. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      1. yes, totally! It’s hard to realise it sometimes when everything is sorta going downhill, but we gotta keep working hard and we’ll get there! 🙂 oh and btw I just made a facebook page https://www.facebook.com/tifness/ it would mean so much to me if you check it out and tell me what you think? thank you so much! <3

  10. So true about emotional irresponsibility (ER). It IS so hard to quit. Years ago I finally began to realize that ER is just another self indulgence that sabotages positive progress made on whatever problem. Love your post, and as always, it is obvious you put your heart into it.

  11. But…I like Yellow Starburst! 🙂

    Great post, as always. A wonderful reminder that those words “self love” and “love yourself” are full of meaning in many different forms.

  12. This post really resonated with me because I’m going through a similar experience: feeling like this is something you should be telling a 13 year old girl, the “joys of dating” and kicking myself for not learning. I’m doing a lot of writing on it. I trust God, know He has a plan and someone special for me, but it still stings sometimes. Thanks for another eloquent post. I love your pictures. I love Mr. Bean. Best!

    1. Thank you so much Cora. Oh my gosh I feel you! That’s exactly how I’m feeling too. I trust God’s timing, but it’s so hard to be patient! 🙈 one day at a time 🙂 thanks again for your readership and for you beautiful reflection! Hugs and love xox

  13. I cannot even begin to express how much this post encompasses ME and how I treat myself emotionally. I’m in a place right now where I am desperately missing someone who has knowingly hurt me TWICE now by just abandoning me with no goodbye, no reason(s), just unanswered calls/texts/emails. Yet I STILL want him back.. And every day is a new struggle to NOT seek him out, to NOT leave him a note, to let him be G-O-N-E. I’ve prayed all the prayers; have him come back, hope he dies, help me just forget him, make me not love him. But the thing is I willingly put myself in that relationship a second time even after he promised me the world and then left. I’m still praying that God will reveal His love for me, and I will accept it, and eventually believe I deserve to be treated like the daughter of The King! Thanks for sharing girl! <3

    1. Hi friend. Oh gosh, I am giving you a big big hug through the computer right now! I completely feel you. It can be so hard to break away from those “comfortable” relationships. But you hit the nail on the head. You ARE the daughter of HE King and you deserve to be treated as such. And there is someone out there who will. God is forming His heart right now. We just have to trust His timing…which is easier said than done. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your heart. Hugs and love to you friend Xoxox

  14. Perfectly written. But remember not to be so hard on yourself, we’ve all been there. Sometimes it isn’t so much that you don’t love or respect yourself, sometimes we just have to have that experience so we can finally close one chapter in order to move to the other. All that being said, you saw what you needed to see now don’t look back and don’t waste your tears on the one who made you cry!! Xoxo

    1. Thank you so much Rebecak. You offer a really great perspective here. You’re right- time to move on and close that chapter for good. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs my friend xox

  15. Wonderful post 🙂 I agree with what everybody else said here that you should feel proud of yourself for not compromising your beliefs 🙂 Based on my experiences with other friends, If somebody sees their ex boyfriend or girlfriend with someone else, they might be upset for a while, but once they have found someone new, that person usually ends up being more their equal 🙂 I am pretty sure that will be the case with you as well 🙂 Whenever I am down, people around always gives me the comforting words of “Hang in there” and that is my advice to you, which is very encouraging as well 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂 P.S. I love that Mr. Bean image in your post 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for this wonderfully encouraging response John. A lot of wisdom here. You’re right. God has someone special out here he’s preparing for me. And thanks- I like the bean man too☺️☺️B hugs xox

  16. One thing you know – this has happened once, and it sure won’t happen again. We all have things like this so don’t beat yourself up. Learn (as you have) and walk on – head high. Bad things happen sometimes to strengthen us. Hugs!

  17. I can soo relate to this post, not because of any guy but because I have such a hard time asserting myself and saying no when I should. People see me as a means to an end so I often get asked to do things because I have the resources to. These same people would never give me the time of day otherwise but suddenly I am their best friend because they need to use my computer or I can make them a website. I have noticed the trend. I get a text asking for a favor so they can help their friend. It’s always a simple favor but then they end up asking for more and more. I am not good at saying no. So it continues. Then hours later, they leave and I am super mad for for letting them use me. This happened to me last week. Inconvenienced my whole day! Then tonight I get a text to help my sister sew up rice bags for a friend who found out she has RA. And again I am starting to feel like I am just being used because my sister only contacts me for favors. I told her I didn’t know if I could help because we had a home project going on so she said she’d text me Saturday. I am just sick of it! But these people don’t take no for an answer either. If I say no, I will be asked again in a few days for something else. It does make me feel terrible. I just wish I was liked and loved for being me, not because I have resources or they can use me to get what they want. That’s fine at times but a relationship based only on opportunity and selfish gain is simply toxic. I need to learn how to say no better and to surround myself with people who honor my boundaries.

    1. Hi friend. Thank you so much for sharing this. i’m sending you a big hug through the screen. I think you hit the nail on the head: you deserve to be with people who do honor your boundaries. You are an incredible person with a lot to offer, and you are worth being with people who recognize that, respect that, and celebrate the amazing human being that you are. I applaud you for being able to recognize the need to say no. that takes a lot of courage and maturity. Thanks for stopping by and for this wonderful reflection. sending so much love and hugs to you xoxoxox

  18. God prepares love for us and sends it into the world to manifest as a relationship. The challenge comes when we try to attach it to a specific person before we’re really ready to receive it. We can see the possibility of the relationship in the person, and our heart cries out in longing for it. So I would say, yes, learn to love yourself first, because that includes knowing that you still need to prepare yourself to receive the love that is waiting for you. And be careful with projection: your friend may have been hoping that you’d meet someone special at the party!

    1. Hi Brian! What great perspective. Thank you for that. It’s always helpful to see a situation through a removed pair of eyes. But you’re right – i do need to prepare myself for my future husband, just as he is being prepared for me. And the way that is done is by clinging to God and filling up on His divine love for me. thanks so much for stopping by and for your terrific insight, as usual. hugs to you friend!

  19. Amazing post, you should be proud of what you’ve said because it’s so true and that’s the main thing. You’ve realised it, called it and are STRONG enough to start a fresh day tomorrow knowing that you will love yourself a little bit more 🙂

  20. I really enjoyed reading this. Firstly, can I just say, I LOVED your Starburst quote 🙂 Secondly, regarding the party with the boy, I have certainly been there. We seem to love going back to that familiar pain. And even when I see posts or quotes and think “hey, I’m gonna be bad ass, I’m not letting people treat/talk to me badly anymore” it’s easier said than done. Slowly but surely though I am learning to love myself and treat myself better and in turn only allow others to do the same. One of RuPaul’s (one of my idols) quotes is “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else” which is certainly true but I also think it works the other way around. If you don’t love yourself, how will anyone else love you right? Enough of my ramblings, I enjoyed the post and will have to have a nose at other ones 🙂

    1. Haha aw thank you-yeah I thought it was pretty fun. And wow-you’re so right. WAY easier said than done. And I love that quote-a lotta wisdom there. Thanks again for stopping by! So glad you liked the post! Hugs and love xox

  21. absolutely enjoy reading your post – very real, very human and very woman 🙂 Somehow, I always manage to put myself in the same situation regardless of my friends’ and family’s warning… It’s like I have to see it for myself, feel the pain (or lack of it) for myself… I need to know… I want to find out if I am still affected or I will always wonder… Usually, I end up broken (hahahah) but, after a while, stronger….

    1. Thanks Nina! That means a lot. Yeah, heeding our loved ones’ advice -especially when it involved romantic feelings of the heart-is always easier said than done. Thanks for stopping by and sharing this great insight! Hugs and love to you xox

  22. So true!!! Sometimes I can be so focused on forgiving others that I forget Jesus would “slip away” from His tormentors, leaving them frustrated, NOT Himself. Your insight is dazzling. Thanks for being the light!!

    1. Aw thank you so much Jan. Yeah, Jesus is the ultimate example. How comforting to know that we have such an incredible trailblazer. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  23. Hey BBB I want to take this opportunity to say a few words regarding this post. Number one, Excellent piece of historic literature. You’re right up Maya Angelou and Tolstoy. We all love you and you’re little dog too!

  24. This is such an important part of loving yourself but definitely not an easy lesson to learn! Trust me, been there done that. Like you said, the best thing to do is rely on God’s love, finding your worth in His eyes. Thank you for sharing another inspiring post! ❤️

  25. I love your post. However, you are being way too hard on yourself. Everyone has these moments of doing something stupid because of a crush, if not than romantic comedies wouldn’t be so popular. Those feelings of twitterpation make us do dumb things. The thing to keep in mind is to learn from it. Years from now when you’re married, you’ll look back on those silly things you did and laugh. Then you’ll use them to teach your children to be careful making choices while under the influence of infatuation.

    1. Thank you! Yeah, I need to give myself a little grace. Romantic feelings are always tough to shake. But so much wisdom here. Thanks for this great perspective. Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs. Xox

  26. Your testimonials are so deep and touching. Its hard to remember ourselves when experiencing something negative from someone else. All we think of is how much we would like to go back to “how it was before the hurt started”. Always remember that the disappointment is not all your fault, or your fault at all. The hardest part is to come away from it knowing that you’re better off without the person that disrespected you. You don’t deserve someone who bails on you and mistreats you. Its good to write it out and get yourself past it. Yes, its hard. Biggest hugs that all gets better!!

    1. Hey Migueltio! Thank you so much:) I really appreciate this encouragement and affirmation. You’re right. There someone out there who will treat me with that love and respect. Hope you have a great weekend! Thanks for stopping by! Xox

  27. This article shows you have lots of self-love. Unlearning old ways takes time but you are well on your way! Keep up the awesum work and writing. In light and positive ClarityIsHip.com

  28. Your this post is really awesome n i must say it is nothing less than a gr8 inspirational msg….for those individuals …who have forgot to luv themselves….!!!!!!

  29. Great post – very real and valid. We are guilty at times of being unfair to ourselves. Thanks for reminding us that we need to respect and be good to ourselves.

    1. Thank you so much. You’re right- we do need to be fair and good to ourselves. It is one of the foundations upon which our lives are built. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love t you xox

  30. BBB, it sounds like you really get what is at the core of true love; loving yourself. Thanks for being open with all that stuff about how being vulnerable and doing the right things for yourself.

  31. I’m learning that being sensitive is OK. Recently I made a decision that seemed, well, pretty rash and naive to some people, it felt like I was expected to just stop trying to make my world more like what I want and accept it how it is, not be so SENSITIVE – and sure. I can’t change everything, but I can choose what voices I listen to, I can choose not to be desensitized to the negative world around me and not become any less empathetic for the other people who live in it. (I know this all probably is just a ramble) But the point being, be sensitive! Challenge the norm! Don’t feel like you can’t make a big deal out of choosing how you experience the world and society because you totally can, and YOU DO! And as Kid President would say, THAT is AWESOME! (:

    So I hope that made some semblance of sense 🙂 Have a great day!

    1. Hi Carson. Such a great thing to learn: being sensitive is definitely okay. It IS awesome:) haha I love the Kid President☺️ I haven’t thought about that little guy is a long time so thanks for reminding me of that little ray of sunshine:) lots of wisdom here, friend. I appreciate your great perspective. Hugs xox

    1. Hey Miss Em! Thanks lady, for sharing your beautiful wisdom. You’re so right-we cannot ignore the fact that God made us so intricately and with so many different layers. Thanks for reminding B me of this perspective tonight. Love ya babe xox

      1. Re your entry there, it is true, when finally healed , you do not need to go to the party. That’s all in a past life. And living in the present, joyfully , is all the reward that anyone needs. Peace.

  32. Hi BBB

    You are so right 🙂 self-love is about so much more than just the mirror! It’s definitely about not letting people treat you poorly but it’s also about showing yourself kindness, compassion and grace if you make a mistake (cuz goodness knows, we all do!) Such a great revelation on your journey though…because the first step is always awareness – and awareness that you let people treat you poorly or with disrespect is the first step to putting a stop to it in the future and for standing up for yourself and saying “you know what? I’m not cool with that behaviour.” Love and peace to you. Taliah xo.

    1. Hey Taliah! Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection☺️ I really appreciate your encouragement and kind words. You’re right-there’s a lot more to self love than just a mirror. Hope you have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and love to you xoxo

    1. So true. Though we may not realize we’re doing that, that’s what our behavior is communicating. Thanks for stopping by, Harry! Hope you have s great weekend! Xx

  33. I needed this too. Reading this was a liberating experience somehow which inspired me. I do hope you’ll check out my blog too. 🙂
    Thanks to you, I feel really good now.

  34. BBB, I am so sorry for the heartache you are experiencing! But I am also so PROUD of you for what you are learning! It takes these little scrapes and stumbles to learn how to stand up for ourselves. AND you are sharing what you are learning along the way with others. Which takes real self-knowledge, wisdom, and courage. I read a very challenging and perplexing reflection by Chiara Lubich the other day from “The Art of Loving” on the Bible passage “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” She wrote, “…to understand the gospel passage…you must take it literally *without qualification* …not just as general advice. Because when we start acting that way, people are struck by it…” It sounds impossibly hard, but then I remind myself that with God, all things are possible! I am praying and hoping that we can all start loving ourselves this fiercely, because from there, we can spread that love everywhere. Reading your post helps me to believe we can do it! ❤️

    1. Hey Lulu! Wow, what a beautiful reflection. Thank you for sharing that quote!–how powerful. You’re right-we have to take it without qualification. Definitely something i need to work on. I think I’ve found my new morning reflection verse! ☺️ thanks for stopping by and for this lovely note. Have a wonderful weekend my friend! Hugs xox

  35. Yep, if you love yourself first and foremost you would not put yourself in a situation that could damage you. Very good post. Loving yourself is the most important thing. You need to use that moment as a ” rise above ” moment. You went to the party, saw the other girl and obviously played nice in the sandbox . Now it’s time to walk away with your head held high and leave him in the dust.

    1. Hey there P! Thank you so much. You’re right. I need to use this as a “rise above” moment. So much wisdom there. Thanks for stopping by and for this terrific perspective. Hugs and love to you xox

      1. Hi, BBB,
        “But actions speak louder than words, and if I really reflect on my decision to submit myself to that emotionally hurtful situation, it communicates a lot.”

        It does, and you may not have recognized everything that was communicated–both ways. I believe there may well have been a whole different way to look at this. First, If people always loved themselves first and foremost, would there be such a thing as courage? Why would anyone risk damage to their precious “self”? Yes, you took a chance of being hurt by going to the party. To me, I think you were saying, “You know, I’m taking a chance; but, I think I’m ready. I not only respect myself, but, God loves me and will give me the power to handle this situation. Together, we can handle this.” And, …YOU DID! You have a right to feel good about what you accomplished. Looks to me like you persevered in a classy manor. And, I’m betting you also came through a whole lot stronger–in more ways than one. I’m thinking your were tested–and came out with your colors flying. I wonder what the ex-boyfriend learned?

      2. Thank you so much for these words of encouragement. It really means a lot. I love this fresh perspective you offer. I hadn’t thought about it that way, but you’re right. ☺️ you speak so much truth. God DOES love us and will strengthen us to endure whatever comes our way. Thanks again for stopping by. Hugs xox

  36. An absolutely wonderful read. I too have experienced these moments of ignoring my rational self and all those around me – Self love is the standard for how others will treat us. Thank you for sharing, thank you, thank you.

    -IV

    1. Thank you so much IV! You’re so right-it is the standard for how other treat us. Definitely something I need to work on! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  37. Having spotted the error of not loving yourself right, it’s important not to wallow in it, and beat yourself up – that’s not loving yourself either! Be proud that you spotted the problem and have dealt with it. Look forward to doing better the next time. Well done – great thoughts beautifully expressed.

  38. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for sharing this! I grew up with a verbally abusive father. Nothing any of us did was right. I felt that he was hardest on me. Calling me stupid and ugly. So, it was ingrained into my brain that I was not a worthy person. My husband now treats me like I should have been treated all along. He calls me beautiful every single day.
    I just wanted you to know that I enjoyed reading your blog. Thank you again. Have a blessed day! 🙂

    1. Hi Laurie! Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you had to endure that growing up. I’m glad that your husband speaks the truth to you: because you deserve to be treated with that love and respect and gentleness and kindness. Sending so much love to you:) hugs

  39. Self-love is such a powerful tool, my dear. It is most definitely not as easy to do as some may claim but it is doable.

    I like to do little things for myself each day out of love! Perhaps I will paint my nails, write myself love notes or organize and primp my space. Each of these things are free and make you feel amazing.

    It isn’t easy to come out of a negative space. I remember hating myself so much to the point where I took a ton of PM pills and prayed that I didn’t wake up. When I did I realized that I had to change and the only way I could become the person I wish I was was by loving myself unconditionally.

    I dug myself out of that place and I only hope that people who are feeling that way can listen to what people like us have to say about these topics. Imagine the lives we could save!

    Have a lovely Sunday!
    Kyanna K.

    <3 <#3 <3 <#3 <3 <#3 <3 <#3 <3 <#3 <3 <#3 <3 <3 <#3 <3 <3 <#3 <3 <3 <#3 <3

    1. Hey Kyanna! Thank you so much for sharing this. You have such a beautiful spirit-that absolutely shines through your words. I’m so glad you’ve found the freedom of self love. Seriously. You’re so right that the only way to become who we want to be is through unconditional self love. What a magnificent thought. Thanks for stopping by! Sending so much love and hugs xoxoxo

  40. Do not be hard on yourself ..yes easier said then done .life is about lessons and we make a mistake and then a new day comes and we move on . Your only human so let it go . Your doing great. 🙂

  41. And just maybe – there might have been somebody there at the party that likes freckles … don’t be too hard on yourself for going ! Perhaps as well not to go to this guy’s celebrations again for a good long while, but wish him well ! And don’t become a hermit !

    1. Haha such great advice! Thank you so much. Oh gosh, you definitely don’t have to worry about me being a hermit! 😂 thanks for stopping by! Have a great week! Xx

  42. Thanks for sharing!! This was awesome/hilarious/inspiring and I definitely needed to read this today. It’s funny how having an eating disorder numbs one for so long that recovery becomes so much more then food, weight, body image, etc…it’s your whole life.

    1. Aw thank you so much! I’m glad it resonated with you. You’re right–it is SO much more than food and weight. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing this beautiful reflection! Hugs and love xox

  43. Yep ….been there with the ‘put a brave face on’ then think WHY did I just put myself through that? …….and you know what? …am STILL a work in progress and I’m probably almost old enough to be your Mother:D:D…..we’ll get there eventually tho kiddo ….and it looks like your learning a lot quicker than I did:D:D

    1. Hey Fijay! Yes we WILL get there! It’s nice to know though that being a work in progress is 100% okay. It’s a life long process. Grateful to have friends like you by my side☺️☺️☺️hugs xox

  44. Yay for this article. I don’t struggle with anorexia but I struggle with my weight gain. I may not have the full understanding of what you are going through but I have had to learn to love who I am and surround myself with those who love me for me.

    1. Thanks again Kitten! You’re right-we all are on a journey to self love. And surrounding yourself with those who love us you is such a help. Thanks for this beautiful perspective. Hugs to you!

  45. Love this post! It is always inspiring to see other’s progress. I’m happy for you.

    Being emotionally irresponsible due to lacking self love describes my relationship history with men. I got so tired of it that I think I let my self loathing take me to a place where my eating became out of control. That led to me becoming overweight. As a lot of my self worth is determined by my weight, I have completely removed myself from the possibility of having a relationship because I don’t feel worthy now that I’m heavy. But this is serving as my protection from continuing to be emotionally irresponsible. Oh the work that lies ahead!

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for this reflection. Self worth and self love has (and continues to be) quite the journey. I, too, had it wrapped up in my weight for a long long time. It is only recently that I’m finically realizing that my worth comes not from my looks or weight, but from Above. 🙏 And trusting that has made all the difference. I’m sending you a big hug my friend. You are precious in His eyes. One day at a time. Hugs and love xox

      1. Thank you so much. I’m working on developing my relationship with Him and I believe it will be very important in my recovery. Your faith is part of what attracted me to your blog. Hugs back. xxx

  46. Thank you so much for your honesty. I loved every single word from this post. It’s so true that we can allow people to abuse us if we don’t love ourselves. For some reason I used to think it would be selfish to love myself, but really I was wrong in hating myself and beating myself up! I’m now learning how to love myself while serving others. God bless you ❤

    1. Thank you so much! you’re really onto something there — loving ourselves isn’t selfish at all! the exact opposite actually! thanks again for reading. for real now, i’m going to bed! xoxo

  47. I know you may think you sound funny but I don’t think you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill at all. A relationship is a very serious thing especially of the marriage kind. We are people and people were made for relationships. That’s why we have mothers and fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins and friends.
    Go back in the Bible to Genesis where God made Adam and Eve. If you pay close attentions there was a time when they were not always together. Togetherness came after they had each had a time with God–so to speak. First it was Adam and he named animals and did all kinds of stuff with God, but the Bible doesn’t say how long this time was. Maybe days. Maybe weeks or months. Maybe even years. But in any case, Adam had some alone time with God to learn about himself and his Creator. What a wonderful thing!
    Then God put Adam to sleep, took a rib and made Eve. Now in most translations right before giving her to Adam but right after making her there is a comma. Now in writing or story telling a comma is a pause.
    Sometime in that pause, was a time that it was just Eve and God. We don’t know how long this was. Once again the Bible doesn’t tell us exactly. But before she met Adam she just knew God. This was a time of relationship with God—just her and Him.
    This may seem like something minor or maybe I sound like I’m digging to deep, but before a relationship for us outside of ourselves, we must first build a strong relationship with the One who made us, and we must keep this relationship and work at it even in seeking that wonderful future spouse. Asking Him about the respectable, good qualities to look for—or even better yet that He already knows you both need and desire.
    Take this time as a time to keep drawing toward God, and pray about whoever this person might be. He might need the prayers too. 🙂 And if I may I would recommend a couple of books to take some time reading though I know their titles might sound funny or old fashioned in comparison to how the current world views relationships, but this guy really puts the idea of marriage in a godly perspective for both the girl and guy. The first teaches you how to focus on the loving yourself and God enough to yes, say no to bad relationships and be willing to wait for the one in store for you—”Why I kissed Dating Goodbye” By Joshua Harris. The second, by the same guy, goes onto to describe the depths and real meaning of what it means to seek a romantic relationship in the depths of marriage and the seriousness of things to consider, again for both guy and girl and respecting each other and serving God through it all: “Boy meets Girl”.
    And even if you don’t just remember this is your pause, your comma, like Eve’s and is your time to keep pressing into relationship with God while you wait—even as impatiently as we may be sometimes. 🙂 it will all be very much worth the wait.

    1. Hi Faithbook, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. What wisdom you’ve shared! You’re right-this is my comma. My time to really get to know the Father. And yes, I definitely pray for my future husband. And thanks for the book suggestions! I’ll definitely check them out! Have a beautiful day and thanks for reading! Hugs and love xoxo

  48. I enjoy reading your posts. I do not struggle with anorexia and I do not have the faith you do, but I do struggle with loving myself. It seems easier to love and forgive others than myself at times. Your posts are always honest and insightful, and well-written.
    Just don’t be so hard on your self. We are all human and imperfect. You tried and you realized it was wrong and you moved on. The thing about romantic love is we have to try and go out on a limb at times, also make ourselves a little vulnerable. That doesn’t mean we don’t love ourselves. It means we are trying to find a connection and a partner. If it is not right for you or it is not reciprocated, than you respect yourself and move on until you find the love you want and deserve. That is eactly what you did. Good for you!

    1. Hey friend! Thank you so much for this beautiful response. You’re right-when it comes to love, nothing ventured nothing gained. Gotta go out on a limb sometimes. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love to you! Xox

  49. Wonderful blog! So full of wisdom. I sit here amazed that, after all the years I’ve lived, and with as much as I thought I’d learned, this is a facet of loving ones self that I’d not even thought about/recognized. Thank you for sharing, and teaching.

    1. Thanks again:) I’m so glad this struck a chord with you. There are so many different faces of loving yourself-i keep finding different ones in my day to day. Another big one is shopping! For years I wouldn’t buy myself any new clothes/only shopping from goodwill, because I felt I wasn’t worth it. And this is someone who has always LOVED fashion and pre-ED I used to have so much fun dressing up for school everyday with matching outfits etc. so a big big change. I have recently turned that around and have relearned that I am worth buying nice clothes. That its okay to celebrate myself with a new outfit every now and then. I’m worth it! So are you! ☺️☺️☺️ thanks again for stopping by and for your support. Hugs and love xox

  50. I love that you were able to step back and realize you weren’t loving yourself well and then decide what you were going to do in the future. Thanks for sharing your story here, because so many people don’t even realize some of their actions aren’t self-loving. As a person on this journey myself, I needed these words. So glad I discovered your blog!

  51. I have to say I saw this coming a mile away. My youngest daughter had it bad for a guy in high school. So much so that she said yes when he asked her to senior prom…along with the other two girls he asked. I told her wasn’t respecting her, he was playing them all, but she insisted that’s how it is in her generation.

    Um…

    Let’s just say, Father Knows Best.

    One man, one woman; marrying or dating. Julie taught our girls “Never date who couldn’t be a mate.”

    1. Never date who couldn’t be a mate. That’s officially my new motto. You’re right — father does know best. Thanks for sharing this Jeffrey. No matter what the “trend” may be, respect is respect is respect. Hope you’re having a great weekend, friend! xoxox

  52. I’m always happy when I come to your blog. I just mentioned you in another one of my posts . You are one of the most inspiring writers I know about. For me it’s because you are not doing it alone , that you have a really personal relationship with the divine to keep you going , but not going in the same dead end direction which many people seem to prefer out of fear . Instead your relationship with the divine forces you to grow in a way where your gift is in showing the challenges. And showing that it can be done and it’s not a straight line and it’s not a goal , it’s here and now how you do things and if you don’t have your relationship with yourself right you don’t have much to build on . And I believe that human beings were made for relationships, we never would’ve survived without cooperation and community and that sort of love is gone in this culture of the individual . It’s one of the reasons why people are falling apart. And then being blamed for it when we are not supposed to live in competition and separation , including separation from our entire self and the divine.

    I personally have been through something like this in the last year and it was really hard to figure out why. Once I understood what it is that I thought he was able to give me even though he couldn’t then it suddenly went away , all of the pain. I didn’t need to keep going back trying to , this is the weird part, trying to get what? What did I think was going to change? I knew that it would make me miserable . It turned out that it was easier to be miserable about him and then it was too acknowledge my feelings about being ill and possibly dying soon. In reality he didn’t really cause the immense anger and grief and depression I was feeling , but I would use him as a trigger to allow myself to feel feelings about something that I didn’t want to deal with . Strangely once I stopped doing that he and I became really close friends again. Then again he never did me wrong in any way and he stood by me even when I wanted him to go away because it hurts so incredibly much to have contact , but the pain for me came from knowing that even though we want to be together because of my illness and us having lives on different continents we won’t. And that seems so unfair , after everything the last decade has put me through which has opened me so much even though it is closed me off from the world almost entirely , I became suddenly very aware of all of the things that I will miss out on .

    When I’m doing something that is self-destructive often it’s a twisted way to meet an emotional need that I haven’t realized. No longer does it feel like a screwup but it becomes the doorway to greater understanding of my own wound or one of many of them LOL. and my dictation capitalizes LOL by the way LOL.

    I had something with a not romantic relationship popped into my life, the type of relationship that I am prone to be most harmed by which are people who take and don’t care and also do not show appreciation and have no sense of loyalty even to themselves , it’s just about surviving and they don’t know themselves and they haven’t taken accountability yet . Or sometimes worse they do know themselves and they haven’t taken accountability. The person had a lot of ulterior motives which I didn’t see it at all until I was already in the relationship somewhat and then all of my inner alarms started going off , saying that this was not going to be healthy for me , but I felt trapped because we were introduced by a mutual friend that I didn’t want to lose. Well I lost him anyway . Because I couldn’t pretend that this behavior was okay when it was actually incredibly hurtful . The person who introduced us told me that we have to make special allowances because she’s “vulnerable .” And that made me wonder what he thought I was? Sometimes if you seem strong it feels like punishment for me at least. I like I’m the person who supposed to save others when that’s up to them and their relationship with the divine and their courage .

    For me I took it as a good sign that even though the alarms were going off and I couldn’t figure out how to get out and salvage the other friendship I at least knew that the alarms were going off and eventually ended it when I was far too stressed out for someone so sick. In the past I maybe would’ve let it go a lot longer or I may blamed myself and not realize that the manipulation happening .

    So sometimes I think of these things as reminders of how far we have come. I mean, six years ago would you have had the self-awareness to know the very next day what had just happened? Maybe it’s a reminder of how healthy and self loving you have become. You were in a situation that was the belly of the beast and the next day you knew that you put yourself there and it isn’t where you want to be. How many times in our lives do we do things like that and not even notice? Maybe it was a good reminder of how far you’ve come. I’d like to give you a high-five for recognizing something that I bet you wouldn’t have four years ago. To be supportive of how much you have grown , how strong you are to be able to see where you are accountable and also that you know that self-love is most important for survival , we can talk all we want about that but you proved it. Nipped it in the bud.

    And sometimes we enter those situations thinking that we can handle it , or wanting to believe that we are that “cool” with the situation and it turns out we are not. You may have had something like that happening or may be sometimes I notice that I might try to make the other person feel like I am cool with everything but it’s at the expense of myself so what was the point?

    So there’s always something new that you can learn I have found end there’s always something to celebrate , the fact that you realized it so quickly is a really big deal.

    One of the main reasons that I like your blog is that you are a perfectionist and so I’m I and when I see yourself being hard on yourself the things that I want to say and to have you feel, like being able to get you to feel what my heart feels about you and the situation , it reminds me that I have to turn that onto myself too. Because I’m really hard on myself as well and so all of the emotions that come up about wanting you to feel successful end beautiful and brave end self-loathing and also having so much integrity and being there for yourself which allows you to authentically share with others so you are being there for them , your total honesty emotionally , it’s all the same stuff that I need to bring to myself , I forget to do my self compassion meditation . So when I come here I can really hear you striving , you’ve gone so much farther than I bet anyone would’ve suspected including you end you still are going, but there’s something about when you overcome a challenge and then found more challenges and struggles with them that eventually I think we get the strength to just want to keep doing that as much as possible to heal ourselves but also the world . Because we totally know that it can be done! But maybe we set our expectations too high about our own growth forgetting that in the beginning we were being loved and guided without knowing it and that we don’t have to try so hard now because we can trust that the process is still happening , even though we may be really eager to rush it . That’s the stuff that I realize about myself when I read the blog even if it isn’t anything you are dealing with . I just realize how much self compassion is needed when trying to be self loving. I don’t know if the difference between self compassion and self-love makes sense here , I guess self compassion is still being kind and loving to ourselves when we are not kind and loving to ourselves . And it seems to be the cure for perfectionism .

    Also you are an incredibly good writer and I wanted to make sure you knew that because I am wondering if you are going to go into producing your own film shorts that you write just because you have so much talent and depth in storytelling . Hollywood needs more of this kind of story being told in the media that it produces .

    Always a big supporter ! You’re writing reminds the rest of us to take care of ourselves and that is a really big ministry that you’ve done.

    1. Hi Heather! Wow, thank you so much for this incredibly kind and supportive comment. I appreciate you sharing your story with me. You’re right- self-compassion is so important. It is the foundation upon which we build our lives. It influences our relationships and pretty much every aspect of our lives. And that’s funny about the LOL’s! hehe I guess that’s a bit of an “inside joke” now hehe ☺️☺️ and thank you again for such encouraging and affirming words about my writing. It means more than you know. Sending you so much love. You are an incredible person and you deserve to have people in your life that recognize that and treat you as such:) thanks for stopping by xoxoxo

      1. You are one of the most divinely guided people I know and your hardship is your ministry. You know you’d die without God guiding you, but how you are guided alleviates the pain of others allowing them to find their higher power.

        I feel like 6,000 years ago or in China where religion is banned you’d honestly still be called because it transcends specific religion, no matter what culture this Jesus of love would find you. That’s what tells me who is really called. No matter when where or how, the call would take you.

      2. Hey Heather! my goodness, thank you again. You’re right–Jesus’s love transcends time, place, situation, language — EVERYTHING! His love finds us no matter what. What a comforting thought. Thanks again for stopping by and for offering such kind and encouraging words xox

  53. Where did you get such wisdom, dear lady. I tripped across your site just this morning and unfortunately, I have to get to work in a bit, so I couldn’t read the whole thing. But I wish I understood these thoughts when I was a kid and again when my kids were teens. Thank you, BBB. I’ll have to read you more. Enjoy your day.

  54. Wow! I feel like you’re my soul sister! This post certainly hits hone on so many levels, it’s almost like reading my own diary! Glad to have found you here 😊

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