I have just discovered the Serial podcast. Which, oh. my. gosh. guys, do yourself a favor and go listen to it. And then listen to the spinoffs: “Undisclosed” and “Truth & Justice.” They are addictive. As in, I listened to all three in the course of two weeks. SO. GOOD.
*Theories to the case are welcome in the comments section 🙂 *
But anywho – podcasts were pretty much anomalies to me. I don’t listen to NPR, I’m not a talk radio person. I frankly don’t even really like reading…so why would I like podcasts? Anywho – I gave Serial a shot at the recommendation of my sibling, and let’s just say…it was a game changer.
So, I found myself one night, perusing the deep recesses of the iTunes podcasts store — a dangerous place to find yourself, might I add. But I was searching for some soothing background noise to help me fall asleep. (Listening to a “who dun it” podcast can sometimes leave me a little jumpy as I’m falling asleep.) And so the very top hit was this podcast with 1000s of reviews, called “Sleep with Me.” (And PS, I’m only just now realizing that its title is mildly inappropriate. But I digress.)
You guys. This podcast is strangely hilarious. It’s this old man telling you a bedtime story where the plotlines are just bizarre. Like, how he comes up with these story lines is beyond me. It’s seriously like someone is telling you a bedtime story when they’re high on drugs. This particular story line was about cave paintings and a newspaper delivery boy… Like, what?! But the narrator is stammering and monotone and going all over the place. But it’s genius, because the premise is to tell you a story so absolutely boring that you’ll fall asleep.
So, in an effort to suppress my imagination from thinking I was hearing bumps in the night, I listened to one. And guys, I can’t lie: it worked. I fell asleep nearly instantaneously.
But. It got me thinking. I mean…this guy has created a dynasty off of helping people fall asleep. But what he’s really doing is basically making it so you don’t have to be alone with your own thoughts. He’s making is so that you can fall asleep without ever having to reflect on the day, or have “quiet time” where it’s just you and your thoughts.
And realizing this, it kinda blew my mind. I mean, thousands of people subscribe to this podcast! In my mind, I was thinking…W T Heckkkk?
But then it just clicked. It made perfect sense.
The world we live in today is full of so much uncertainty. So much of life is unresolved, leaves us worried, scared, anxious. There is so much that keeps us up at night.
I mean, (aside from the silly stuff, like who Ben is going to propose to on The Bachelor), off the top of my head: there’s paying my bills. Taxes. Worrying about whether this movie trilogy I booked is actually going to go through or not. Anxious about my love life…and whether I’m ever going to meet the “right guy.” And if I do, if I’ll be truly able to love him and let him love me. Worrying about my ulcerative colitis. My job. My parents’ health. The state of the nation and the presidential election.
There is a lot to worry about.
And I was listening to -yes, another podcast – this time, by a speaker that I truly admire. His name is Fr. Mike Schmitz. And his message was so powerful: Let God be God.
Let God be God.
Are there about a bajillion reasons to worry or fear or be anxious?
But, God is God. He’s the creator of the world. He can handle it.
For me, I spent a long time being reluctant to do so, simply because I was ashamed of what I was going to have to “give Him.” I was ashamed of the fact that I still was having body image issues, that the ED voice was still trying to chip away at the foundation of my recovery, that I had lied and manipulated loved ones during my anorexia, and that I had succumbed to ED and destroyed my body.
These were things that I did not want to bring to God, just out of sheer shame. Fearing that He’d be disgusted with me. Reject me. Be so disappointed in me that He’d disown me.
But those were the exact things that He was wanting me to hand over. Those were the very things that He longed to take from me. So that I didn’t have to bear their weight anymore.
We have to just let Him do what He does best: be God.
Because when we do – when we hand over all those things we’re trying tirelessly to control, or alleviate, or change — everything that’s keeping us up at night — we won’t have to listen to a goofy, monotone man bore us to sleep with incoherent, rambling stories.