Et Tu, Beauty?

See what I did there? Et tu, Brute…Et tu, Beauty? *Air-fives self* 😛


OK, so yeah, the title has to do with Caesar…buuut, I kinda feel like it sets the mood for this piece. Because we’re going…latin.

And not, Ricky-Martin-Livin-La-Vida-Loca-Latin, but dead-language, Roman-empire, biblical-times Latin.

Et tu, Brute literally means, “You too, Brutus?” They were Julius Caesar’s last words when he was assassinated by his close friend, Brutus. AKA, betrayal at its finest.

I like to imagine the scene with a young Brad Pitt playing Caesar, gazing with horror into the duplicitous eyes of Brutus, portrayed by a shirtless Zac Efron. 🙂

But I digress.

Given that we’re kicking off Easter week, this calls to mind another betrayal.

A betrayal that, in essence, allows the foundation of Christianity to come to fruition. I’m talking about Judas’ betrayal of Jesus.

Two sentence refresher: Judas was the “disciple-gone-bad” who led the soldiers to Jesus and ID’d him with a kiss on the cheek. These soldiers then arrested Jesus, where he was flogged, humiliated, and crucified.

In short, Judas was the ultimate betrayer.


I have to be honest. For years, I carried around so much guilt and shame from the hurt and pain my anorexia caused my loved ones, and myself. It ate away at me.

And for a long time, I identified with Judas.

The low life, scoundrel that sold out Jesus for a small bag of money. The traitor. Back stabber. Scum on the bottom of your shoe. He, in so many words, began the killing of Jesus. He set the crucifixion in motion.

I, for a long time, likened myself to this betrayer. My anorexia was a direct and deliberate assault against the gift entrusted to me: my body. My body: the temple of the Holy Spirit. I was willingly and intentionally starving it, hating it, destroying it. Though not verbally, I was betraying and denying Jesus through my actions — I was worshiping another idol: my body, perfection, pride, self-centeredness.

Jesus — nailed to a cross to pay for our sins — to pay for my anorexia.

I very well could have been the one to deliver The Kiss.

And that shame that I carried seeped into every fiber of my being — how I saw myself, how I treated myself, how I allowed others to treat me.


I realized this one thing: Jesus on the cross is a sign of love.

Yes, it is reparation for our sins, but it is also the greatest demonstration of love, bar none.

Jesus, on the cross, knew all the crap, all the lies, all the betrayals, all the skeletons that each and every one of us have in our closets. But even knowing that, He chooses to die anyway. He knew about The Kiss and still went to the cross so that it could be forgiven! So that my anorexia could be forgiven.


But I had to claim that. I had to ask for forgiveness, and claim that new life in Christ and His work on the cross.

I decided right then and there that I was no longer dead with Judas the betrayer, but alive thanks to our risen Lord.

I adopted a new identity.


Maybe some of this rings true for you. Maybe there’s something in your past that you just can’t forgive yourself for. Maybe you said something, did something, stole something, looked at something, hurt yourself or another person. Maybe you look in the mirror and that’s all you see.


I did. All I could see when I looked at my reflection were the lies I told, the pain I caused my family and the betrayal of Jesus through the destruction of my body.

Claim your new identity in Christ.


If He could go to the cross to forgive The Kiss, there’s hope for us all.

So, “Et tu, Beauty?” — No. Not anymore. I am no longer the betrayer, but the forgiven. The free.


*** Update!*** BBB is now on Facebook! Let’s be friends! 🙂


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193 thoughts on “Et Tu, Beauty?

  1. This is fantastic. I can’t relate to your personal struggle with anorexia, but, if we are honest, all of us have baggage that we must lay at the foot of the Cross. Paul exclaimed, “What a wretched man I am!” But Paul did not doom and gloom and despair; rather, he had the proper remorse for his sin but moved on and praised Jesus for saving him and blotting out his sins on the Cross. A lot of Christians’ anxiety and depression over sin is due to a works righteousness mentality and failure to grasp that Christ freed all believers from the law of sin and death. As you wonderfully captured, we are new creations in Christ, adopted as children by the regenerative work of the Holy Spirit. Our baggage doesn’t block us or define us; rather it simply highlights the need for grace, which we received at the Cross and accepted the moment we first put our faith in Jesus. Your story of claiming this new creation is a wonderful reflection of what Christ accomplished.

    Recent Post: Holy Week Reflection: Freedom in Christ

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  2. I’d also point to Paul’s prior life in the flesh, when he persecuted Christians. He said of himself: “I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison . . . .” Acts 22:4. “For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.” 1 Corinthians 15:9. And how does Paul conclude? “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:24-25. What more grievous sin could there be than persecuting Christians? Perhaps your example of Judas being the only surpassing one. But in Paul we see redemption.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this perspective. You’re right-Paul found redemption. Same with Peter. He betrayed Jesus also, but repented and accepted Jesus’ love and forgiveness. Thanks for stopping by! Have a lovely day xox

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Another beautiful post from you as usual, we all have those moments in our lives that make us feel like a Judas but the Lord is always ready to wrap us in His loving arms if we turn back to Him. Much love to you BBB!


  4. Hi, there — it’s so nice to see that you’re healing from anorexia and are using your faith to help you move forward. Just know, everyone is struggling with something, whatever that something is. Our blog is new, so we would love if you could follow us and offer your perspective and feedback:


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  5. The light of Christ shines through you! I wanted to see where you are now, so read this post today. To God be the glory in your transformation from darkness to light. I am still reading your story, and I am thankful you contacted me first. I found my keys! A small miracle to be sure, but it reminds me His eye is on the sparrow, and He watches over me… and my keys.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yes, yes, yes!

    (I know, I didn’t have time when I read this a few days ago to comment but I knew I just had to come back and make that comment because it was just so good and I loved it so much! *pants for breath*)

    Yes. Because if you ask me, nothing but Jesus’ love could break this sin-riddled soul free. That’s what it (and the hundreds of years of foreshadowing symbolic sacrifices) was all about, and this is how love wins.

    So I’ve only been really closely following your posts now for a short time B, but it makes me so happy to hear how you’re growing and learning and overcoming! (: Rock on! Jesus is so AWESOME! (:

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nice post, thank you. I have taken something from this. It hit the spiritual spot, to re-use an eating metaphor. I purposely plagurised that saying in honour of you! 🙂

    One thing in that post that didn’t mean so much to me was the fantasy sequence with Brad Pitt and Zac Efron. I suppose I’m not their target audience.

    And these two guys aren’t my Gloria’s type, either (Gloria being my wife). She had more of a thing for Curtly Ambrose, the former West Indies cricketer. A similar fantasy sequence for her would probably feature him and Oritse from JLS. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi there! Thank you for liking my post on IAmAnAddictAndALiar. I’ve added your blog to the ones I follow.

    I saw what you said about feeling guilt over how your illness affected your loved ones. I wrote about how my illness (Bipolar with psychotic features) affected my relationship with my mother here:

    Wishing you the best during this Easter season!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Another great post and so much support for believers in this rather dark world. Halfway through the Story now: Stations of the Cross yesterday and tonight the Service of Light/First of Easter. Easter blessing, Allelulia!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Mari! Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means the world. What a beautiful time of year. My family and I are going to the Easter vigil tonight at midnight. My favorite ☺️ thanks for stopping by! Xoxo


  10. This is a beautiful post, and a curious discovery after my own post “Liar”.

    I think it’s important to speak for Judas.
    History and humankind hold him up as an ultimate example of betrayal.
    I’m not certain how the bible really intended to portray Judas, or how people have interpreted his infamous actions.
    I believe an important part of Judas’s story is to remember he was only a mortal man, subject to all the weaknesses and imperfections of humans.
    In his time, in those dark days, fear reigned over the hearts and minds of men. Fear played a big part in Judas’s actions. It was the fear that Jesus was to be convicted and crucified. Judas and other followers would be found guilty by association. I believe it was this fear, not greed, that was the motivation for Judas’s betrayal.
    If I am wrong about that, it may have been greed. (I find that hard to believe judging by the way Judas wept as his own heart was broken. Broken because he knew he had given in to the pressure and fear, and had betrayed the Messiah he truly loved.)
    Even if it was greed, my long view is thus:
    As a father, I would not want my child to be labeled or hated, regardless of their sins.
    I believe God would feel the same way about His children.
    I think what we often miss the most important lesson in Judas’s story.
    Though he surrendered to the sins of mortality, ultimately he is to be forgiven.
    Hating, labeling and despising Judas as a traitor are things that can only happen here on earth, trapped in these imperfect and mortal minds.

    Jesus went to the cross and died not only for your sin or mine,
    but also for Judas.

    Be at peace,


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Paz, thank you so much for this beautiful and thoughtful reflection. There’s a lot of wisdom here. You’re right-Jesus went to the cross for Judas too. Thanks for giving me something to think about. Hugs and love xox


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