A Heart Worth Protecting

Well, in case you missed it, The Bachelor ended Monday night.

And America’s boyfriend, Ben, got engaged.

I know. Pass the Ben & Jerry’s.

emma-stone-crying-eating-ice-cream-tub

Ben’s popularity this season has been unprecedented.

He’s handsome. A former quarterback. Christian. Midwestern. Loves his mama. Wears his heart on his sleeve. I mean, I even found myself saying, “I want a Ben!


I did! I saw the way he was looking at his now-fiance, and I got swept up in the romance and the sappy background music, and soft pink lighting. I fell for it. Thanks, ABC.

But falling asleep that night, something hit me.

Yes, Ben was a great guy: he was kind, loving, open about his faith, had a good solid background, and a chiseled jawline to boot. But the fact is – he loved two women. At the same time.

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All the fanfare and romance and showy drama of the production forces fans to miss that glaring fact: Ben’s “fairytale” love story is no fairytale at all.

The fact is, I do not want a Ben.

I want the furthest thing from Ben.

I want a man who would never put me in a position to compete for his love. I want a man whose love will never waver. Who will always be faithful. And will never cause me to doubt that.

That is the man I want to marry.

And I have faith that God is forming the heart of my future husband to be just that.


But the show is smart, with its choice editing, playing up this or that, flowering it with sweeping vistas, swelling music, and close ups of our brooding boy…we can somehow miss that giant elephant in the room. Or, at the very least, forgive it. We can even forget the fact that Ben sleeps with three different women, three nights in a row. The man I want to marry will not do that. The man I want to marry will stand up and say, “that is not right.”

GIF-UH

And don’t get me wrong. I love me some Bachelor. I mean, I do not miss a show. I Tweet along. Read recap blogs. I am all in.

But I have to remember that it is just a show. And real love is out there, and handsome as it may appear — it’s not Ben.


You all have been on this journey with me. Having only just recently opened my heart to love and allowing another person to love me — It has been scary. It is the last step in my recovery from anorexia. A disease which annihilated my self love and self worth, and with it, the notion that I deserve love from another person.

But with God’s strength, I’ve chosen to open up that part of myself and test the waters.


Some failed attempts. Some learning opportunities. But none the less, I’m growing. *Still single,* but open to love.

But I’ll tell you this, attractive as Ben and his fairytale love may appear, I respect myself enough to demand a love that is real. A love that is honest. Faithful. Unquestioning.

1 Corinthians 15:6 “Love…rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts…”

Those words have a different weight when you read it thinking about The Bachelor, huh?

Womp womp


If there’s one thing I’ve learned in recovery, it is that my heart is worth something. It was purchased at a price and belongs to the King. And its worth demands that it be cherished and treated as the precious gift it is.

My heart is worth protecting.

And unlike Ben, my future husband will do just that.

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Published by

beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

246 thoughts on “A Heart Worth Protecting

  1. I’m rooting for you …indeed your heart is worth protecting Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. !! God will send your real life better than Ben keep trusting him….I’m hoping for mine too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Marriage ought to be a one time thing. Eyes must be wide opened in order not to fall into terribly wrong hands. Wait, and the right Christ-like person will come knocking. Thank God that, ultimately, our eternal GROOM will come for us to love us forever and a day.

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  3. Really enjoyed your view on the bachelor and your heart’s worth. I personally don’t watch any reality shows especially the bachelor for the same reasons. I’m praying for you!

    Xoxoxo
    Maria

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  4. Finally, a woman that wants a guy who is a good guy, devoted and isn’t a Romeo that can get a girl at the drop of a hat!! Problem? I’m going on 58 years old…sorry!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great post 🙂 I never watched the show to be honest, but then again I am a guy 🙂 The problem with these type of shows is that even If one of the contestants is a candidate with high fiber morale, the problem is he/she has agreed to participate in a show where you have to date different people at the same time and one just does not do that. I love it that you say that your heart is worth protecting and that is a promise that nobody should walk out on 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂 P.S. did you have a great St. Patrick’s day? 🙂

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      1. We watched Hallmark channel 🙂 They had some St. Patrick’s day films on 🙂 For dinner, we had cornbeef and cabbage 🙂 Anyway, I hope you enjoy your weekend and keep up the great work as always 🙂

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  6. I don’t really watch the bachelorette or the bachelor for that matter. Your post had me captured in each and every word. I am lucky enough to have found the type of man you described…Unlike Ben! I hope that every woman finds a man like this at least once in their life even if they didn’t realize it at the time. This is a man worth keeping and a man worth holding on for. I absolutely love your post and can’t wait to read the next one!

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    1. Hi ROS Mom! Aw thank you so much:) and congrats on that! So happy that you’ve found a non-Ben 🙂 I don’t mean to give Ben a bad wrap…he’s not a bad guy, just questionable choices on national tv, that’s all! 😂 but you speak a lot of wisdom. Thanks for sharing ☺️ sending love and hugs! Have a great weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree! From how you described him, he sounds like an amazing guy, but there is no way I would be able to be with someone like Ben if he was still in love with another woman as well. What if he later on questions his decision? He sounds great but I would have chosen neither! I know that may not be an option on the show but I would rather be 100% committed to a man than have split feelings. I think I actually did watch one episode out of curiosity. While I found him charming and all that you said to describe him, I can also understand how it was so hard for him to make the decision! Either way it is better to be 100% sure and not risk having mixed feelings and eventually change your mind. (Not saying he will, but it’s a possibility!)

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      2. I’m so glad you understand me! Marriage is all in! 🙂 Can’t wait for your next post! Hugs back! XOXO

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  7. I had to stop watching a few seasons ago for those exact reasons. Promoting the idea that we need to compete for a man’s affections whilst he is with several over ladies became too much to stomach.

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  8. BBB, again a great post! You are so right that the Bachelor is just a show and our hearts are precious and worth guarding. 1 Samuel 16:7 says But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” A man might “look” handsome, but is he really handsome in the eyes of God? That’s the question I ask myself when I get approached by people to be friends or whatnot because I’ve been fooled so many times before

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    1. Hi Lyndsay, thank you so much for this response. You’re so right. And I love that passage! Thank you for sharing. You’re right–we need to see eachother through the eyes of God. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  9. “We can even forget the fact that Ben sleeps with three different women, three nights in a row.” Eww…!!! I don’t forget that. I watched the very first three seasons of that show and was rolling my eyes by the end of the 3rd one. True and real love is Nothing like that show. Sorry to offend any fans, I just think that show makes women look needy and pathetic. You are right that you deserve more than that – all that is, is smoke and mirrors and like you said, dramatic and clever editing.

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  10. Beautiful insight and very well written. The Bachelor always bothered me because of the competition and the fact that the women are fighting for someone they know is probably *read definitely* sleeping with other people while professing their love. I am so lucky in my life to have found a husband who I trust with my whole heart. I know that God is preparing the person who deserves you as well.

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    1. Thank you so much Kelli:) that’s so awesome that you’ve found the man God prepared for you! I definitely trust that He’s got a man for me as well God is good! I just have to be patient. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  11. That is where a lot of people go wrong is that they will let one person treat them like trash because they love him/her or he/she is the one. You are right – the fabled “one” would not treat you as second best or be trying you out whilst also sampling the goods of others.

    You are right to make sure that you are with someone who values you for who you are. There’s a song that was number one in the UK a number of years ago by Fairground Attraction – the chorus had the lines “Too many people take second best, but I won’t take anything less.”

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    1. Hi Harry, thanks for this. Yeah, I’ll be patient and wait for the one that treats me as I should. Wow what a profound song lyric! I’ll have to look that song up! Thanks for stopping by! Have an awesome rest of your weekend! Xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. My mother always said it was of utmost importance to be in prayer for a heart of wisdom and understanding. Looks like you are working this out and walking with a discerning spirit. You are wise to be thinking and waiting for an honourable man full if integrity and character.

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  13. I am reminded of a young friend I had in youth group. She stayed single and dated just a few times. Finally she was working at an art show and this lady suggested meeting her son who had also stayed out of the dating scene. Reluctantly she agreed and met the young man. He did ask her out and she was upfront with him and said ” I have given my heart to Jesus so if you want it you will have to get it from Him”. I thought that was such an amazing response and it was if fact true. They have married and she is due to have their first child. It appeared that love had passed them by but the wait for these two have been worth it.

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    1. What a beautiful story. thank you for sharing this. just another example of how God has a good and perfect plan for each and every one of us…and in His own time! thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

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  14. Hello my beautiful friend it has been a while a lot of things have been happening and mostly not good so haven’t felt up to getting in touch x. I even struggled in worship today I have had issues with another person for a few days and the best way I felt with dealing with it was to just vent my anger and frustrations at them, I know not the most helpful of things to do but in fact it did help to ease my my mind quite alot. I know I am having to put it down to experience and learn from it but we aren’t perfect no matter how hard we try. I am in the early days of my relationship with Jesus and learn to release that part of my behaviour x

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    1. Hi Benjamin! I hope you’re doing okay:) I’ll say an extra prayer for you. You’re right-we’re not perfect, nor are we expected to be. Jesus loves us — even the imperfect parts. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your prayer my wonderful friend it really helped and I felt it stirring my heart <3. An amazing thing happened today with bible study we were talking about the Holy Spirit and I got prayed for and I got filled with the holy spirit it was so amazing ❤ 😀 xx

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      2. I know I have had been give the spirit to stir my heart when i gave my life to Jesus but this was a totally different feeling, started to pray in tongues ❤

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  15. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I’ve heard of the show through my friends but never seen it.

    I so agree with you on the description of the future husband. Opening up our hearts=scary.
    Patiently waiting=frustrating at times.
    But choosing wisely=totally worth it.
    Why? Because WE are worth it!!!

    Always enjoy reading your blogs 🙂

    ❤️💙❤️💙❤️

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  16. Hello, and very good post! I noticed that you liked my very first blog post from Friday (thanks a lot for that, btw!), but as I have not been on WP for very long, I’m curious how/where you found it? Thanks for the info! I’m looking forward to another post this week!

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  17. Hello, and very good post! I got an email that you liked my very first blog post the other day (thanks a lot for that!), but I’m curious, as I don’t have much experience with WP thus far, how and where you found my blog and all that jazz. Thanks in advance for the info! Chris

    Liked by 1 person

      1. awesome! that’s so cool…perhaps it was the mental health tags or whatnot. It’s intended to focus on healing from childhood trauma, alcohol abuse of a parent and/or yourself and methods to help that happen. Thanks again!

        Chris

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  18. Thank you for sharing this post. You wrote so candidly, and reminded me of some very important truths about love and how God desires for our interpersonal relationships to model His love for/relationships with us.

    Also, I wish you continued strength on your recovery journey. Thank you for sharing your experiences to encourage others.

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  19. I love this post! I feel the exact same way about the Bachelor. Even though I love watching it and loved Ben, I would never want to be a girl on that show! I want a man who wants me, pursues me, and fights for my heart…and doesn’t kiss a bunch of other girls.

    Like

  20. Regarding your post about the television show, “The Bachelor”. I’ve never seen the show. Though I have watched a couple of the other ‘reality’ shows once in a while. I don’t see ‘much’ reality in them (the shows usually flaunt excessive ‘money’ living), but I like the shows because they allow you to “see” interactions between the people. Sometimes it’s like watching ‘life experience’. Whether one has money or not, sometimes experiences can be quite similar when you really think about it. Usually those shows point out (accidentally) how teamwork works and how gossip doesn’t work, in real life. The shows seem to be like huge soap operas but with ‘real people’ (whom the producers have chosen to act out their stories). For me, “The Bachelor” is probably the scariest of all the reality shows in that people are actually trying to either sell or buy love, selling or buying some type of personal commitment, rather than just living life and being more real about relationships. And yes, that’s where the Bible comes in handy. In that one Book, there are great ‘life’ instructions, that, when followed, do make life happier, easier and more creative, constructive and fruitful. The instructions are embedded throughout the Book, just waiting for someone to have time to read them.

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  21. […] shares wonderful positive messages about her day to day life. I especially liked her post about the bachelor.  She fills her blogs with humorous images as well as thoughtful ones (like the ones in Et Tu […]

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  22. WHOAA! Your post was just wow! Sometimes I wonder if my future husband too would be praying for me at that same time when I’m praying for him! Haha, it’s a crazy thought. But girl, those desires in you were planted by the King himself and I’m sure He’ll give the best to His princess cause you deserve it all. Much love and prayers! God bless!

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      1. Aww! That’s true. Our God chosen prince Charmings are on their way for us. ❤ Thank you! God bless you heaps to be a blessing to a zillion! And do stop by to visit my blog, I just started it recently. Hugs! ❤

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  23. “And I have faith that God is forming the heart of my future husband to be just that.” That line totally struck me. On behalf of all the guys out there who are being formed for their lady in waiting, I wanna say: I’m sorry we can take so long to be ready! But, like you say: it’s better to wait for the right one who KNOWS what’s right, then jumping for the first one who happens to show interest :/ God’ll provide. Some of us just take a little longer than others to be up to snuff 😛

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  24. […] Because my actions have finally backed up my beliefs. I stood up for myself and put my money where my mouth is. And if I lose this project, then so be it. Because at the end of the day, my self-worth and self-dignity — everything I’ve worked so hard to solidify in my 8 years of recovery – those things are more valuable than this project. Those things are worth protecting. […]

    Like

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