I’m going to be honest with y’all.
I’ve been feeling really restless in my heart recently.
No, it’s not because we’re heading into the Final Four and my bracket is malarky.
Not because I’m anxiously awaiting the new Backstreet Boys/NSYNC/98 Degrees movie that’s set to come out soon.
((Be still my preteen heart))
My heart is restless because of wondering when God is going to show me His plan for my life.
And it’s funny because, as I type this, the direction of this post is going to go in a completely different direction than I set out to write….so, thank you Holy Spirit for that gentle nudge.
I’ve kept it on the DL, but I was cast last year in a feature film trilogy. Filming on location, out of state during the entire summer. And starting in May, I had to report on set.
Now, I’m not “green” — I’m well aware that many projects fall through, so I knew not to get excited until I was on the plane with the check in my hand.
Anyways, there were signs and certain things that made me believe that this was, in fact, going to happen. Sure enough signs that I told my boss that I was going to need the summer off.
Well, I got an email last week that the project has been postponed for an entire year. And the better part of my brain adds the addendum — “if it happens at all.”
So I was disappointed to say the least.
OK, God. I’m just waiting for You to show up and tell me why You pulled the rug out from under me? I thought this was something You wanted me to do?
And then there’s the boys.
There are a couple interesting prospects in my life on the romance front. But, being in the old fashioned camp, I do not text boys first. I wait for them to contact me.
And I’m really feeling like my heart is ready for love. So again…
Dear God, Hello from the other side! I must have called a thousand times! I’m just waiting for you to show me who I’m supposed to open my heart to! Kthanksbye!
So I’m restless. Feeling like I’m kinda flailing, waiting for God to show me His plans for my life.
But here’s how funny God works. As I’m writing this, I’m given a little whisper.
And I know this might sound a little batty, but whatever…I’m just going to share with you what I’m hearing right now:
God is revealing His will for my life. Right now. It just might not be how I think it’s supposed to look. It might not be my timing. It might not be packaged and wrapped up in a neat little bow. But it’s His plan. And His timing.
The fact is, He’s given me this blog, and instilled a true passion in my heart to share how He legitimately saved my life from a severe case of anorexia.
He’s given me time with my friends this summer. Instead of being on location for three months, I’m going to be able to nurture my heart with my friends, which has been so life-giving and important to my recovery.
He’s given me a job that allows me time to take care of myself and my needs, as well as allow me time to blog.
And most importantly, He’s given me my health. I’m healthy. I’m not enslaved to ED anymore. I’m not in an Ulcerative Colitis flare. Sure, I may have to take certain measures to put my health first, but He empowers me to do that.
So though I may feel as though I’m like Sandra Bullock in Gravity, drifting at the moment, questioning God’s plan for my life…the fact is, He is at work. My measly little earthy eyes just can’t always recognize how blessed I am. At least not at the hyper speed I tend to live.
Anywho. Time to shut down the computer for the night. Take a little respite from the glow of my Mac in the midnight hour and get some sleep.
And those things, when practiced, can overpower the restlessness.
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10