April Showers

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well here we are. April.

We’ve officially made it through the doldrums of winter and are on the brink of spring.


April in NYC is the rainy season.

I mean, it is nothing glamorous.

Gray, overcast and drizzly skies; murky puddles of sludge, and temperatures that can range from 70 degrees one day, to 35 the next. And did I mention that you’re walking in all of this.


The cute little, “April showers bring May flowers…”

More like, “April showers bring disgruntled and frizzy New Yorkers.”


But I digress.

I’m actually one of the rare breed of people who likes rain.

From my apartment, I can hear the street below. And there’s a certain sound that cars make when they’re driving on a wet road. There’s a little *hisss* that comes when tires drive on wet pavement. And when I wake up in the morning and hear that *hiss* out my window, I always get excited: it’s a rainy day.

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I think that excitement goes back to when I was younger. Growing up, my very first bible was called, “Living Water for those who Thirst.” And there are inserts throughout of bible passages about rain and water. And they have beautiful pictures and a glossy sheen. And I just remember always opening up to those pages and running my fingers over the images, and really falling in love with water, and everything it symbolizes.

This beloved bible, with all of its underlines and color coded-highlights, and doodles, was one of the few books I was allowed to bring with me to inpatient for my anorexia. Literally every book and magazine — even a Disney Channel magazine I tried bringing — was confiscated at check-in for being “contraband.” They didn’t want any triggering images or messages.

The only book we were allowed was, yep – you guessed it! The Bible.


But there was this one image in the bible of a person in a sun shower — you know, the super heavy rain when the sun is brilliantly shining? Well this person was in this downpour, smiling, and the verse was, “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean, and I will put a new spirit in you.” Ezekiel 36: 25-26


During my time at inpatient, I absolutely clung to that verse and everything it promised and communicated: That He is changing me. Making me new. Washing away all the unclean things in my past.

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I wrestled for such a long time, (and honestly sometimes still do) with all the things in my past that were “dirty.” All the lies I told surrounding my anorexia. All the ways I manipulated my family and loved ones. All the hurt I had caused them and the trust I shattered. All the ways I purposely tried to destroy the body that had been entrusted to me by God: I had done my best to demolish it. And even though I didn’t come right out and say it, my actions communicated that I had turned my back on God.

All of those things made me feel like I was completely caked in mud. In proverbial “shit.”  Literally. Like the scene from Slumdog Millionaire.

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I was the kid that fell into the latrine.

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So reading about God washing away all of that disgusting crap I was covered in — it brought me so much peace. So much hope. So much comfort.

God does not want me to walk around wearing the dirt from my past.

He wants me to be clean. Washed anew. Because I am His. And that’s why He went to the cross.

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But here’s the biggie: He promises to give me a new spirit.

He’s not going to just give me a shower and send me on my way. No. He promised to put a new spirit in me.

One of power, right judgement, a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) One that could stand up to ED and all of his lies and false promises.

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With a “heavenly shower” and a new spirit, there was nothing that I couldn’t do.

So that’s why I like the rain.

It is a reminder of that promise. That I’m not in this alone. And that God has promised to wash me clean of all the baggage from my past that can eat away at me and bring me down.

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Maybe you’re not struggling with an eating disorder, but I’m sure there are things that you can think of that keep you up at night. Eat away at your spirit. Discourage you. And riddle you with regret. Maybe a word spoken in anger to a loved one. Maybe an addiction or bad habit you’ve struggled with for years – surrounding food, or online shopping or porn, or gossip, or a critical spirit, or excessive eating or drinking. Whatever it is that’s making you feel caked with mud — you don’t have to walk around with it anymore.

We can claim the promises of His cleansing rain and a new spirit.

That’s what I see in the rain.

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So bring on those April Showers. Because just like in nature, they really do bring flowers in the spring. Rain is life giving. And so too for you and me.

With His rain, we will bloom.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

255 thoughts on “April Showers”

      8. Hmmm my advice is to just write about something you’re passionate about. I don’t use ads on my site. I think WP automatically places one or two, but I try to keep my site as ad free as possible

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      20. Hi, thanks again for the like. However, can you try to post your comment directly tomy page. I would greatly appreciate it. My comment section is working. Its located below the article I wrote.

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  3. I love your blog. So colorful and full of life and wonderful graphics with beautiful fonts! I love your message too. My icky mud was myself and being ashamed of me. I am still learning to receive God’s love and to love myself and accept me. And not compare myself to the beautiful people in hollywood or even “perfect” wives and mothers at church or online! Even at church we can compare ourselves. I see what my problem is now. Me. I am my problem and the way I think is. I have been standing in the way of my own life and God can’t work through me when I am standing in the way!

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  5. You do have a new spirit. It’s what I’ve seen in your writing from the first. You have a voice that transmits that spirit. I don’t perceive so much as a whisper of self-destruction. You are alive, vibrant, and full of love…His love.

    We all have a Pandora’s box of nightmares that occasionally pops open, those past episodes pinging around our brains for awhile. You remember another person, another time. You remember her, but you aren’t her. Your Evil Twin, Skippy 🙂 has been buried in baptism and the better, truer you has again surfaced.

    There’s no other reason for me or anyone else to keep reading your messages. So, when Skippy tries to surface, don’t even fight her. Just let her romp and don’t give her the satisfaction of protesting. Watch her drift away, and bask in the knowledge that so many people find the true you worth knowing!

    Your dad in Christ, Jeff

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    1. Hey Jeffrey! Wow thank you so much:) God is good and I literally cannot claim any of that without his work in my life. He is good and merciful! Haha buh-bye skippy! Hehe seriously though. So true. Yes I will bask in the new spirit Jesus has given me. So grateful for you “dad” 🙂 hope you have. A great night! Hugs xox

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  10. I’m glad I read this. In fact I feel like it came at the right time. Not just because it’s raining here in Michigan too, but because it’s uplifting to read your perspective on something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. I keep meditating on Psalm 50:
    “Thou shalt sprinkle me with hyssop, and I shall be cleansed: thou shalt wash me, and I shall be made whiter than snow.”

    Soo thanks!

    Last thing: hopefully you don’t take this the wrong way but the picture of you – you look so young! (better word = youthful?)

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    1. Hi friend! Oh gosh what a beautiful verse. Whiter than snow. What beautiful imagery. Haha oh yes, that’s the bane of my existence! — I look like a 12 year old boy! Haha but seriously thank you for be encouragement. Have a beautiful night! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Haha. For the record, I wouldn’t say a boy at all. And definitely not 12. More like 22-23?
        And yes I agree. The whiter than snow gets me every time. The crazier thing I just learned is that hyssop is what God told Moses to use to spread the bread of the lamb over the doors of the Israelites during Passover. So it’s even deeper. It’s like: sprinkle me with hyssop — sprinkle me with your blood, Lord — and I will be made whiter than snow.

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      2. Hahahaha oh my gosh this just made my day. Thanks. ☺️😎😎😎every time I read the bible and learn of the significance of certain words and phrases, I am always just blown away by how completely planned out Jesus’ life was. He was truly the fulfillment of everything the Old Testament said to look for. It is incredible.

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      3. Entirely agree. When I found that out I was speechless. Then — not to belabor this point but it’s too cool to pass up — at the passion, when Our Lord says He thirsts, the soldiers lift vinegar to His lips on a stock of … That’s right … hyssop.

        And above I obviously meant blood of the lamb not bread of the lamb haha. Whoops

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      4. It is so incredibly amazing. Everything He did-up to and even after He died–it was all part of The Plan. All prescribed. All divinely ordered. You’re so right-it leaves me speechless. God is amazing.

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  11. I remember the first time I went to treatment. (Drug and alcohol treatment) It felt like they had stripped me of my identity…and for good reason but at the time I was so resentful. They too let us have a bible. It was the first time I’d say down to read it since I was a very little girl. It saved my life. This is a great post…and I’m with you on the rain. Originally from the Seattle area where rain is a 12 month mischief maker! The sounds that come with it are so soothing…unless there is a tornado, which has happened where we live now. Any who…well done!💜

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      1. It is vitally important to be washed clean of your past however you choose to do it. My past was literally controlling my everday life, forcing me to do crazy OCD checking rituals 10 hours a day. I used to pray every day which helped me with the OCD but the thing that really lifted it was when I had trauma therapy EMDR for the childhood issues that were causing it. Now I am almost totally free of my past and I am happier and more peaceful than I have ever been.

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      2. Hi Caroline! Oh I am so glad you are free of those things in your past and experiencing peace! That makes me so happy:) you’re right-being washed clean is so important. Thanks for stopping by! Have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  12. I, too, am a water person. When I drive around here, I have to cross the lake two or three times to get anywhere and, to me, it’s heaven. But, when it rains…well, I have a metal roof. If I knew how to attach it here, I would send you a recording I made when Tubbs and I were sitting on my little front porch listening to the rain on the roof.

    But, I have never before thought about rain washing away my memories and regrets. That’s lovely. When I was doing spiritual healing exercises at church, I would write letters or essays or bring in boxes of love letters and the ritual involved burning these things and then the ashes were buried in the garden.

    But, like you say, there’s always residual stuff that comes up unexpectedly. I think I will use your shower idea, maybe not in the rain but I love hot showers…it helps my sore muscles and joints. The thought of residual shit washing down the drain with the soap and dirt is truly cathartic.

    This afternoon, I wrote a very lengthy response to someone’s comment about my essay “Device Protection.” In it I recalled events during a very difficult and confusing time in my life, as well as in the lives of my children. I welcome you to go back and read it. It brought up lots of painful memories and struggles with mental illness, abuse, and feeling powerless to make things right. I did the best I could but my writing this afternoon barely touched on the hell we were going through as a family…just my children and myself.

    By the way, in case I haven’t mentioned it before, my addiction has been to spending money…not shopping, but the spending of money…having control over my ability to get what I feel I need.its an insatiable need to take care of that hungry, poorly dressed, neglected child…me, when I was young.

    I think I’ll go take a hot shower and wash away some tears while I’m at it.

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    1. Oh gosh yeah I bet it’s loud loud loud! I will definitely check out your piece. Thank you for sharing that. Yes, I hope you feel Jesus’ healing love washing over you. Hugs and love xox

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  17. I do enjoy spring and the parallels with the “new thing” the Lord is doing in me…On another note, take it from this Bronx girl – you are looking VERY NYC in that hat and oversized shades. Cute!

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  20. The funny thing about it is that plants and animals have no choice but to be rained on; but we have free will. We can hide under an umbrella, go inside to escape the rain on our beings. It’s no different with God. We have to choose to allow him to wash and refresh us rather than finding a means of escape. I’m so glad you allowed him to do so!

    Again, thanks for sharing.

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      5. Thank you dear. I basically a loan shark to avoid being on the streets after being into submission and lost most clients and very little happening. On a bike with injuries as well. It is tough.

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  23. Another great post! I too love the rain, the sounds, the smells, the coziness of being inside, wrapped in a blanket with a good book (smell the pages) and a hot cup of coffee. Everything is fresh, new. The colors seem richer once the sun comes back out and then there is the rainbows…ahhhh. Here in CA, we don’t get as much rain, but I lived in VA & I loved all the seasons there! The newness of life comes with the rain & with Christ. So glad to have read your post.

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    1. Aw thank you so much! Oh my gosh I love the smell of rain! It’s so clean and earthy. Amen to that. There is newness is Christ! Thanks for stopping by and for your beautiful reflection! Hugs and love xox

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  24. Another beautiful entry from a beautiful blogger! Reminds me of when Jesus told his disciples that they’re washed by the words he spoke to them. This post was a great reminder. Thanks for being real about your imperfections and transparent about His perfection. You’re awesome BBB!

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    1. Aw thank you so much! That really means a lot:) ☺️ how comforting to know that Jesus wants to wash us clean and give us a new spirit. Hallelujah! Thanks for stopping by! Hope you have a great weekend! Hugs and love xo

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  25. Great post 🙂 When ever any of us (and we all have had it) remember a moment in our pasts that haunted us, one feels like they need something of a spiritual shower as you imply. One interesting thing I have been told over the years is that when one overcomes an upsetting memory (it can involve a past habit or anything) or confesses a sin that is troubling oneself, they suddenly feel clean as a whistle as If they had just been given a shower. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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    1. Hey john! Clean as a whistle. 🙂 I like that. You’re right. There is such freedom when we let go of the past as release ourselves for its grip of shame and regret and embrace forgiveness. Thanks for reading and for sharing your wide perspective:) I always look forward to your insight! Happy Friday! Xox

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  29. I love this beautiful and powerful reflection! I feel like I say the same thing about all of your posts, but it’s true! This one reminds me of the feast of Divine Mercy that we just celebrated. Did you listen to Fr. Schmitz’s homily? It made me cry when he talked about people being more afraid of God’s justice than His love and mercy, because I am one of those people! I have been meditating on the image of divine mercy and it is bringing me some comfort during times of uncertainty and distress, but I have a lot of healing still left to do. Thank you for yet another reminder of just how deep and transformative the love of our God truly is.

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    1. Hey hey Lulu! Yes! I did! His homily was so incredibly moving. The Divine Mercy actually hold a really special spot in my family. My mom prayed that novena during my anorexia. She was told by our priest to pray it -“Jesus I trust in you.” And when my mom went to the little Christian shop to pick up a book on it, as she was walking in the store, they were unloading a truck and on it was this huge, practically life size work of art with the divine mercy image of Jesus on it. My mom was like, that’s too much of a coincidence and so she bought it! And it’s hanging in our house. And we always loan it out to people when they’re praying for a miracle to put in their house. So yes, Divine Mercy Sunday is a very special time in our home:) thanks for reading friend! I hope you have a beautiful weekend! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Thank you so much for sharing this story!!! It gives me so much hope! My priest told me the same thing just the other day. My ED recovery is still ok, but I’m really with *life* right now. He told me to keep meditating on the image of divine mercy and repeating the words. It really works! Thank you, thank you for all your writing and for being your honest self! Sending thoughts and prayers your way today. ❤️❤️❤️

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      2. Hey there friend! Oh my gosh I know! It really does. Prayer is the biggest thing I have to work on. Sometimes, I don’t really know “how” to pray, so I just say “Jesus” over and over and think about His goodness and His love. Jesus I trust in you. There’s power in The Name! ☺️ have a beautiful Sunday my friend! Thanks for the prayers! Sending up some to The Big JC for you as well☺️

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      3. Oh thank you so much! As for “how” to pray, is there a wrong way if we are turning our heart and mind to God? Perhaps prayer is a bit different for each person. Yours sounds very meditative and grounding. Sometimes I think of the words of St Paul when I am having trouble getting started in prayer, “In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings. And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God’s will.” (Rom 8:26-27). Just keep it up and it will come, because God knows our hearts better than we know them, and He wants to talk to us even more than we want to talk to Him, so if we come to Him even a little bit, and we tell Him that we want help coming the rest of the way, He will help us! Have a beautiful week, my friend! Thank you for letting your spirit be such a light!

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      4. Hey Lulu! Wow thank you so much for this nudge of encouragement this morning. Your words are always so uplifting and full of love. Thank you. You’re right-we do have an Interpreter. That verse is so comforting about the HS. So true. He intercedes for us when we don’t have the words. Thanks for this bright note! Have a lovely Monday! Hugs xox

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  30. Once again, you hit home! The connection of water to the cleansing of our being and that God loves us despite our destruction. Spot on! Great way to start the day. Blessings

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  33. There are so many methods in the world of attempting to overcome negativity. However, you nailed it by focusing on the fact that ultimately, in spite of the reasons for it, at the end of the day you (and I) have a choice to either embrace God or to turn our backs on Him. Many people don’t want to hear it, but our sin is dirty. We need to make the conscious choice to receive grace, and then the continual choice to receive His instruction. Praise God He has, indeed, put a new spirit in us, a spirit which cries out “Father!” with outstretched arms that trust. This is at war with our lower selves, that part which wants its own way continually and considers God unjust for letting us suffer for a season. It is the battle within between Jacob and Esau. Your story, and the way you express it, is inspiring. Keep writing!

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  37. I haven’t been blogging long and I think you are the first person I chose to follow. I have followed others since and then regretted it about half of them. But I am so happy I chose to follow you. Your messages are strong and inspirational and often evoke soul-searching on the part the reader. In my case, no, I’ve never suffered anorexia but I have suffered other problems that also had me lying and covering up for myself. It led me first to remorse and self hate.

    It is like what Paul said in Romans 6: “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

    On a lighter side, you have an awesome way to describe Chicago weather as you tell us about New York.

    Thank you for all your good posts, Rich

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    1. Hi Rich, thank you so much! Yeah, I can definitely relate to Romans 6 too. Thankfully we have Someone to be our strength:) thanks for stopping by and for following my blog! Have a wonderful weekend, friend! Hugs and love xoxo

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  39. Love this post. I love the rain too:)

    Here in Iowa, the rain comes in intermittent showers and downpours broken up with bright rays of sunshine. It quite literally is sunny one moment, and storming the next.

    The weather here now very much reflects God’s current work in my soul. Being made clean, and showered with His Truth. Then reveling in the Light that Truth brings with it.
    Blessings to you today, and always:)

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  40. Hi! I love love love reading your blog! I’m from Ohio where it’s rainy and gray probably 50% of the year so this was really wonderful to read! Also, while i was reading this I was listening to 10th Ave North on spotify and a song by them called hallelujah came on and I had this conviction that I needed to tell you to listen to that song…

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  42. I have no idea where to begin with this post my beautiful friend and sister (as we are all children of God and I’m sure you’d be an amazing sibling) ❤ I might end up waffling on again 😉 but seriously like you said "I wrestled for such a long time, (and honestly sometimes still do) with all the things in my past that were “dirty.” All the lies I told surrounding my anorexia. All the ways I manipulated my family and loved ones. All the hurt I had caused them and the trust I shattered. All the ways I purposely tried to destroy the body that had been entrusted to me by God: I had done my best to demolish it. And even though I didn’t come right out and say it, my actions communicated that I had turned my back on God." that is basically me, minus the anorexia part, although I had issues with losing waiting because of the depression and anxiety. I verbally turned my back, I cursed his name because I lost brother, for half my life I did that, and all he did was literally turn the other cheek to me, and when i finally saw his light and his love, i came to him, and all he did was forgive me, and washed me clean and started to work in my heart, even though i was so unworthy and so dirty. and even now when i fall he picks me up he forgives me again. im actually crying now thinking about it! he loves me that much.

    anyway, RAIN LETS TALK RAIN! <3. I'm sure you know what I am going to say. I'M BRITISH haha. would you love the rain if you lived here, or came on holiday here haha ❤

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      1. I actually enjoyed the fact that it rained today, it made me think of you <3, although i think if you alot, kind of weird i know but i do wonder about you and wonder what you are like in real life ans how you manage your day to day especially your recovery, its so inspiring, we may only have one good thing in common, but it is an amazing thing ❤ Our God, we might talk a small amount but it means so much to me x. you are always in my thoughts and prayer. love you friend x

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  45. I am one of those “weirdos” who loves the rain also! I also love thunderstorms! It feels like a cleansing and it’s beautiful to me. Where I live we get sunshine and the rain pretty much everyweek. So the best of both worlds all year! Beautiful blog post.

    God bless,

    MarieW

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    1. Hi Marie! Oh awesome! Glad you like thunderstorms too:) I wanted To be a weather girl for a hot second when I was a kid:) Oh yes, that is the best of both worlds! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Hi Samantha! Aw thank you so much:) that really means a lot. I do feel like this blog is a bit of an outreach, but no, nothing serious. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love to you xox

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  48. I really enjoyed this post. Even though, sometimes, I do get sick of the rain. I live in a state were some seasons it rains a lot. In the last week we actually have had three of the four seasons in one day! We have a tin roof, and I really do enjoy the sound of the rain on the tin roof and the peepers calling for rain outside our windows! Spring time is my favorite season….everything is beautiful and green. Our trees are just starting to bud, though the pear tree is starting to bloom. We are having a nice overcast 40 degree day today…I will be ready for a bit warmer and drier weather, though as I need to look at my bees soon and see how they wintered. I love all the imagery you put in your posts. I was thinking today that there are some people who seem to know the Lord, but just don’t seem to have the joy that accompanies that knowledge. All I can figure is that these folks are accepting God’s forgiveness, but won’t forgive themselves for whatever they perceive their sins to be. I am so happy that when I read your posts I find that this doesn’t seem to be the case. The joy you have in the Lord bubbles right through (you like that water analogy there, don’t you…see how I worked that one right in there in! lol!)

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    1. Hey Charlene! Thank you so much:) oh my gosh – 3 seasons in one day!? What a day! I love spring too. Aw thank you so much much for such kind words. That really means so much. And yes! I love the water analogy! Touché! 😎 have a beautiful day! Thanks for reading xox

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  49. Good stuff: and don’t forget, anyone who has been abused – and that doesn’t just mean sex abuse, the abuse we hear a lot about at present, it means other less high-profile things – emotional abuse, being mocked, bullied, etc perhaps by school teachers … or by an abusive partner … has the shame stuck on them which is not shame at all, but as a kid or a partner they thought they were shit because of the mockery and bullying – that is something that needs cleansing away as well … itis not easy, since how can we do it? We don’t need forgiveness for having it stuck to us, yet we need it to go … complex world … prayers for the abused as well as about the bad stuff we know we have done ourselves …

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  50. Once again you have wowed me. Great analogy with the kid from Slumdog. But even better line saying God doesn’t give you a shower then send you on your way. You have reminded me of my own journey toward light years ago. And you have reminded me that I need to head in that direction again.

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    1. Hi Peter, oh gosh thank you so much. I’m so glad it resonated with you. You’re right, going back to the rain is always so good and healing. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love! Xox

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