Identity

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I have something exciting to share with you guys:)

I was recently interviewed by Jacob over on the blog, Lone Star Inspirations. And yesterday he posted the interview! So if you want to read a little more about Yours Truly, head on over there! And thanks, Jake, for wanting to interview me!

So. I’m a sucker for Buzzfeed. I spend waaaay too much time there. Catching up on everything from news, to celebrity gossip, to Disney quizzes, to the occasional random cat video.

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I mean, I need to reevaluate my usage of spare time!

But anyways, I happened upon something rather interesting yesterday. And that was Dictionary.com’s “Word of 2015.”

I won’t go into the Oxford Dictionary’s choice of word…or rather, nonword. They chose an emoji. Yes, you read that right — they chose the “laughing with tears of joy” emoji.

*Facepalm*

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But Dictionary.com chose a different word. One that I think reveals a lot about where we are right now as a society: They chose the word identity.

Identity.

Which, honestly reflects where our culture is right now. From Caitlyn Jenner, to the clash of political ideologies from Bernie, Hillz, or Trump, to the “selfie” culture that is overtaking the often-times suffocating influence of social media, to the popularity of shows like “Girls” or “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” or “New Girl,” where we can see bits of ourselves in the struggling ingenue trying desperately to find herself in the world.

We are a people who are searching for our identity.

This is something that I know all too well.

After embracing recovery from anorexia, I had to figure out just that. Who am I?

Before that dark period of my life, my identity was pretty solidified. I played sports in high school. Dated the captain of the football team. Straight A’s. Did acting all my life. I knew who I was — or rather, who I thought I was supposed to be. And maintaining that “identity” was quite literally killing me.

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Anorexia for me was a way to press the big red “emergency stop button” on a tread mill that was flying at high speed. I was out of control, trying to hold up these impossible standards, and the only way out was to quit by default.

And for the next 2 years, I battled with ED. And it was apparent. Unlike other mental illnesses, you wear your disease on your body. At 78 pounds, I was a walking bill board that I am not well.

And sadly, that became my identity.

I had lost the light behind my eyes. My passions. My personality. My heart for people. I lost who I was.

So when I finally recovered and began putting the pieces of my life back together, the hardest part was figuring out who this new girl is.

  
Figuring out who I am. My identity on the other side of this hellish hurricane of anorexia.

Who am I?

And I’m going to be honest, I am still figuring out who that is.

Every week, I feel like I discover something new about who I am, or remember something about that girl I “used to be” before anorexia came in like a freight train and destroyed any healthy concept of self.

For example, just tonight, I remembered how much I love just dancing. I know, so stereotypical.

“I just wanna dance!”

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But I can’t tell you how much fun I had turning on the Justin Bieber spotify station and dancing. By myself. Flipping my hair like a goddess in a hair commercial.

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But I digress.

Putting the pieces back together after a big life change, is hard. Whether it’s after an eating disorder, losing a loved one, changing schools, losing a job, getting rejected by peers, or just trying to figure out who you are in this ever-changing, confusing, and scary world. Finding your identity is tough.

Though I may still be discovering and remembering things about myself — I mean, really it is a life long journey, whether you’re in recovery or not — there is one thing that has been paramount.

And that is finding my identity first in how God sees me.

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Claiming the truth that I am His daughter. That I am loved. Loved so fiercely that Jesus would die for me.

That is the foundation of my identity.

Knowing that and claiming that is what got me out of that hurricane. He helps me put the pieces back together.

  
I know I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. That’s the beauty of our Father: He is patient. And will always take care to restore his children and reveal to us our identity in Him. He says that I am good. That I am worthy. Enough. And so I trust the Author of life.

Our society today, frankly it’s a hot mess. And it all stems from people striving to figure out their identity. Craft who they are. Be their own author of a life, worthy of a “best seller” list.

So honestly, it comes as no surprise that identity is the Word of 2015.

But it’s not my word. My identity is clear: I am His.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

232 thoughts on “Identity”

  1. Identity…hmmm. I’ve spent my life thinking about my identity and realising that it’s quite easy to believe the identity that people force onto you.

    It must have been hard to keep hold of yourself when you were 78 pounds. Everyone would have been pushing their ideas on your identity onto you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Harry, you’re right. It’s hard to keep who you are in today’s society. You’re right-it was definitely hard when I was in the throes, but for different reasons. In fact, believe it or not I was super stubborn not to be persuaded by others when I was at that vulnerable place. I just wanted to be left alone with ED. sad but true. I wish someone could have broken through to me sooner. But alas, I can’t look back in despair. I am out of that dark place and thankful for freedom!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I want for more and more family in Christ to believe this–our identity is truly in HIM.

        Can you imagine how radiantly the Body will shine with this revelation spreading like a wildfire throughout the members?

        Your voice in Christ, BBB, adds fuel to a glorious fire! Woooo!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hey JT! amen to that. Our identity is absolutely in him! It would be a wildfire! Totally out of control! Aw thank you for this. Your comments always make me smile. Hope you’re having a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Praise God! BBB, I really believe when we communicate here, it’s like via His Spirit, we are connected beyond the physical and in Him it’s like we’ve always known each other.

        You make me go, “Abba, check out my sister! She is awesome!” And my heart is full of joy.

        I am so thankful you are alive–and alive in Him, beloved!

        Enjoying a blessed weekend–hope you are too 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Hey again friend! Oh my gosh I’m so glad you feel this too! I so agree. It’s like we’ve been friends for a long time! ❤️ aw you are the sweetest. Thank for such beautiful words! I am so grateful for your friendship too! Hope you’re having an awesome weekend! Hugs xox

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  4. Instead of looking at people as: this drunk, this homeless person, this beggar… What if we saw them as our brothers and sisters, under God? We’d treat them differently, I would surmise… Well wishes to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Another beautifully written post. I am in the midst of recreating my identity according to what really moves me and in alignment with my passion. I find myself hesitating whenever I think I’ve found what I am meant to do with my life–I have so much self-doubt. Thank you for stopping by my blog and liking my post, for if you had not I would never have found your wonderful blog. I hope to read many more insightful and uplifting pieces.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Oh gosh I feel you on the self doubt and figuring out what to do with my life! I find comfort know though that I don’t have to have it all figured out this very moment. And I trust that one way or another, I’m gonna end where I’m supposed to be 🙂 hugs and love So glad you stopped by xox

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  6. Girl, yes. Preach. The simplicity in which you convey complex things is pretty amazing.. I saw your heart and my own heart in this story. For a long time , my identity unfortunately was tied to my past of sexual abuse and that consumed me…after I was just so angry and insecure, basically I never felt good enough or loved until some miracles that made me believe I am more than what happened , more than my mistakes and my weaknesses… That that does not define my identify…anyway, ah thank you for this, it really touched me. God bless you : )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend, thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you had endure that. And that someone did not respect and cherish the precious gift you are. Know that you did not deserve that. Sending a big hug through the screen. And Amen to that-you ARE more than what happened to you. I’m glad this resonated with you. Thank you for your kind words. Hugs and love friend xox

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  7. And yes!! Like you, that is exactly my identity now…I am His…”no power of hell or scheme of man can ever pluck me from his hand…for I am His and he is mine …bought with the precious love of Christ” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. So true! If our identity is not founded on Christ then we will always be searching for something to satisfy us in the way that only He can.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. ‘In him we live and move and have our being’
    Knowing you are his is your, ‘live’, your communication gift that blesses so many is your ‘move’ for the present, unfolding, is your future ‘being’ in him. Stay open to possibilities. God Bless

    Liked by 1 person

  11. the greatest news is you are one of a kind. unique. no other will ever exist like you. so in essence there is no competition for you. our Father fashioned you special. a daughter of a King… highly prized and loved. an absolutely beautiful spirit and soul made in His image to reflect His glory. your priceless in His beautiful eyes of passion… amen in Jesus name.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I can relate to ALL. OF. THIS. Except… dating a football player, being athletically-inclined, AND being a rockstar at acting, haha! I am a heart-on-my-sleeve type of person and I’m rather blunt, so acting never appealed to me. Have you read “The Pact” by Jodi Picoult?

    Also, I love that you staunchly point out that your primary “identity” comes from our Creator!!! Call Catholicism what you will, naysayers, but our faith is enough for us. We have seen Him truly work in our lives, and we can trust that He will never abandon us. We are carved on the palm of His hand!

    Happy you stumbled upon my second post ever, because I found you! I am looking forward to reading more of your thoughts. Thanks for being courageous enough to share your identity here with us. xo bblv

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend! Aw thank you so much! Haha you’re funny ❤️ I haven’t read that book! I’m not a huge reader but I’m trying to change that! Amen to that! God is good and what a comfort to know that we’re in the palm of his hand! Thanks for reading! Looking forward to reading more from you! Hugs and love xox

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  15. Glad you liked this re-post “Sin Has Been Done Away With!” from ptm.org! You can go there to find out more about their ministry! Lee(apauper2)

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I love this! I personally believe that identity is one of the struggles we have most in our culture as well–and that it especially leads to mental illness. It’s easy to fall into depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder if you don’t know you are God’s. When we took our students to winter camp, our theme was “Who I Am,” and the verse was 1 Peter 2:9. We are chosen, royalty, holy, God’s, and called!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Emily! Thank you so much for this kind note! What a cool experience you provide for your students! I wish I could have gone when I was younger! ☺️☺️ thanks for stopping by! Hugs xox

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  23. Amen. This post gave me a new perspective on where I’m at. I’ve been “recalibrating” who I am & what I do. A big part of that is stripping away every identity except that I belong to Jesus. Where things’ll go from there is up to Him, I guess 🙂 Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Reblogged this on Rareity and commented:
    You know, we spend our entire lives searching for who we are. Our identity. When I read this post, it stirred so much reaction within me. For one, “Who am I? The question we ask ourselves often. Unless we define ourselves, we are nothing right? As goes for the saying, “You cannot find your dream job, unless you create it.”
    To me, identity is your personality, your surroundings, your family, your traditions, your culture, job, and friends. Every factor that you can think of, comes together creating your identity. If you’re an actress like my favorite blogger Beautybeyondbones then you know the everyday life of an actor/actress is not an easy one. Many, struggle with substance abuse, eating disorders, depression, and much more. Why? Because in the dog eat dog world you eat, shit, and sleep what they tell you and want you to do. If your body is just a few pounds off from the way they want it, you must lose the weight. If you’re going to perform a full nude scene like cerci from Game of Thrones, your gonna HAVE to work your bottom off just to look the part. When I think of actor and actresses and the term identity I think of the fact that for so many years you are portrayed certain way. Some fans cannot differentiate that your character is not really who you are. That alone can create an identity battle. Don’t get me started on the friendship value for them either. Being famous might look fun, but in all reality if does honestly affect how people treat you. You never know when a friend is really a foe. I mean, really though aren’t we all struggling with that one? You get my point.
    To me, I’ve struggled all my life to find mine. Why? Try being born into a musically talented family, starting your life off musically inclined, but also being quite the crafty writer. The day college came around and it came to picking my major… The sirens went up. “What the heck do I want to do with myself.” Thankfully psychology seemed interesting enough to study for six years. However, as I mentioned two posts ago in, “Did she really say that?” Some of us struggle forever, to never truly find out who we are. A true shame.
    Next time you are struggling, or having an identity crisis, stop, take in a breath, and head to the mirror. Look yourself right in the eyes, and make your soul ask, “Who am I” because honestly…without realizing it, we already know.
    Thanks Beautybeyondbones for allowing me to reblog this. If I’m wrong in any way, please let me know. I might cry a little bit (kidding) but I’ll be alright 😉

    Like

    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. You’re right-we’ve got to answer “who am I?” And I truth, we already know inside of us. We just have to find it. Thanks again for the reblog. Sending so much love and hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  26. As I read through your post on “My Identity”, one of your exquisitely crafted posters spoke directly to me:”Imperfection is a form of freedom.” I added “Therefore, I am free to be me!” Thanks so much for your insight expressed so magnificently in your artwork.

    Thanks also for the likes on Dr. J’s Apothecary Shoppe.

    Like

      1. I’m actually really sorry I haven’t read your stuff sooner. I didn’t realize I wasn’t following you. So really I should thank you for always reading and liking despite my unawareness.

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      3. I felt like writing and decided to use you as a muse. I wrote and posted a poem for you. It’s called “I can relate”.

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      9. Lol No it’s okay. It wasn’t that good given the whole point of writing it. Maybe I’ll try again one day. If I do I promise it will actually be about you. Have a blessed day and week!

        Like

      11. As promised I wrote you another poem. The last one was kind of bad but I really hope you like this one. It’s actually about you this time! Lol It’s titled Beauty Beyond Bones.

        Like

  31. Reblogged this on Light-bites For Your Heart and commented:
    I’m loving this lady’s posts so much. Do you remember I recently posted a blog entitled, “Women Who I Admire?” Well this lady is one out of the three I briefly mentioned.

    I was actually going to do a review on her last, but she is grieving and my heart goes out to her so much, that I thought it more fitting to pop her in second. She is an overcomer of that dreadful illness Anorexia Nervosa and she has just lost a friend to the same disease.

    Yet even in grief, her articles are so inspiring.

    I may reblog another two, or I may just let you nip over to her site and read them for yourself. Have a blessed day. xxx

    Like

  32. I can relate to this, I think everyone can. My search for identity seems to come on and off, one day I feel like I know something about who I am, and the next I feel lost again. But I have found the most security in God’s identity for me, it’s a long process to accept it, but once you start, I think there’s no going back– And I like dancing a lot too.

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  33. So, I’ve been “holding” this in my inbox for obviously quite some time–knowing that it would be a good read but other things in life happened and it took me until just now to sit down and enjoy the post. Of course, God’s timing is always right on and it spoke into my life … I love the line, “He says that I am good. That I am worthy. Enough. And so I trust the Author of life.” I am realizing after my mom’s death, how broken and fragile I am and yet God is using this time of grieving to show me who I really am …to Him. Thanks for writing real ! Your posts are so encouraging ! Keep writing …keep walking it out with Jesus ! He’s working through you in big ways!

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    1. Thank you so much for this reflection, Joy. I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers are with you. You’re right-God can use even pain to grow and transform us. I’m glad this resonated with you in a meaningful way. Sending such big big hugs to you my friend. Xox

      Liked by 1 person

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