10 Truths for Navigating the Modern Dating Culture as a Christian

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

We are living in unprecedented times. At least for those of us trying to navigate this nauseatingly complicated travesty that is the modern dating culture.


The noncommittal guys, the “rules for communication,” the necessity for seeming like you don’t care, the casual approach, the ‘swipe right’ mindset of romantic relationships.

But for me, there’s a whole ‘nother layer to navigating this -LetsBeHonest- toxic dating culture: and that’s my faith.

It’s confusing. It’s frustrating. Add to that the fact that I live in NYC, and it can seem just down right hopeless.

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So here are my 10 Truths for Navigating the Modern Dating/Hookup Culture as a Christian:

*And let me just preface this: I am not suggesting that all guys fall into this camp. This is just a satirical look at some “norms” I have come across in NYC.

#1. Cut the Casual Crap

One of the most frustrating things about “dating” is that everything is so casual. I mean, you can’t even call it “dating,” or else you’re seen as too serious. You’re talking, you’re hanging out, you’re friends with benefits. No. Just, no. Because you know what that is code for? Sleeping around. ((See #2))

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#2. Ditch Dating Around

Being so casual with “hanging out” is just a sneaky green light for seeing a bunch of other people and stringing them along with the bare minimum to keep them interested. For most people, this means being “F-buddies.” For me, that’s not an option. So what’s a nice girl to do when all the guys are looking for is a casual and convenient “fling” that is maaaaybe reoccurring? No sir. If I’m going to invest my time and heart with you, you better not be seeing any hoochie mama on the side. Puh-lease.

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#3. “Netflix and Chill” my A**

Now, I am not high maintenance. I love to watch a good football game on the couch or hype up for some March Madness. I mean, my game day eats are on point. BUT I will not be some stand in for a guy friend that will exist solely to “meet your needs.” I do not do that.

#4. Tinder Me Not

OK. The online dating apps…they just need to stop. Like, immediately. Tinder is such an enabler to the hookup culture. First of all, it is literally a catalogue of faces (or other anatomy…) for you to simply swipe left or right on – simply based on their looks. The majority of guys I know approach Tinder like so: “it’s a way to find a hookup for the night.” — And that’s an exact quote. Just delete the app. SMH

#5. The Texting Game

Ugh. This one is so frustrating. Dear people at Apple: the “typing ‘…’ bubble” and the “delivered/read” receipt — thank you on behalf of all the women everywhere having collective panic attacks waiting with phone-in-hand for their “guy of interest” to text a reply.

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And while we’re on the topic: we need to just put the kibosh on this whole, “Oh I have to wait 2 hours to text him back.” Just reply to the damn message. I don’t want to get labeled as “needy” or “too eager” because I have the conversation courtesy to text you back in a timely manner.

#6. The Gentleman Caller

Believe me when I say that I hate talking on the phone as much as the next person. I mean, I haaaate it. But since when did actually calling someone vs. texting become a faux pas? Sometimes, I want to just have a spontaneous conversation about something funny that just happened, or to solidify plans. Not everything can be communicated through emojis! 

#7. Digits, My Digits

As a flirty, young female in the city where there are nearly as many bars as there are people, I’ve definitely had to perfect my “bar” game. What to wear; how to show just enough skin to stay in the classy – not trashy – camp; the perfect height of heel — because believe me, 1/4 of an inch is the difference between a night of fun and a night of tears.


But if there’s one thing that is exasperating: it is guys asking for your number. I am out with my friends. I do not want to be solicited for casual dating right now, NOR will I want to be harangued via texting me eggplant emojis tomorrow during church or at brunch.

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And same with guys buying drinks. I don’t want to owe you anything. Keep your wallet in your pocket. I don’t want to have to make small talk with you for the next 30 minutes because I feel bad you just dropped 16 bucks on a vodka/soda.

#8. Kiss and Fly

Which, yes, is the name of a trendy club in meatpacking. But is also a current “dating” trend that needs to just stop. The last I checked, a kiss means something. At least to me. You’re gonna kiss me on Saturday night, and then not call or see me again until the next “group hang” where you act like it never happened? What is that about?

#9. Forget Fishbowling

Which, I’m just going acknowledge right off the bat, sounds like it could be something dirty on Urban Dictionary, or something pertaining to drugs, but for alliteration’s sake, I’m going to just go with it.

Here’s what I mean: it is so annoying to go “young adults” or “young singles” church nights, and then go to the “mixer” at the bar afterwards. Please. It feels so forced with our handwritten name tags and craft beers. I feel like I’m in a fishbowl being forced to “spiritually mate” and find my future husband. To the point where I have stopped attending these events. They are that bad. I know, I should probably meet a guy a church, but for cryin’ out loud, let’s not look that desperate.

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#10. Forget all this and remember what’s important.

So okay, I’ve had my rant. Sure, I may have tried to be a little witty, and okay, some of my points may be borderline complaining, but it’s coming from a sincere place. I am fed up with the modern dating culture that doesn’t respect a committed relationship, and finds ‘waiting for marriage’ as an archaic, absurd, and prudish notion. I mean, I feel like the stigma is that if you’re waiting to have sex that you’re automatically wearing orthopedic shoes and an ankle length dress.

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But it’s just a fact that in the modern dating culture, if you don’t “give it up,” all a guy has to do is buy the next girl at the bar a drink, and he can get what he’s looking for.

So I have come to terms with the fact that I will most likely not find my husband out at a bar. Or on Tinder. Or really anywhere secular in NYC.

And I could get really depressed about that. Become exasperated that I’m devoting all my social time to hanging out in a crowd that isn’t on that same page, while all the while aging. While my youth fades and biological clock ticks.


Am I wasting my time? Some may say yes. But I say no. I have incredibly wonderful friendships that are filling my heart to the brim. During my anorexia, I was so bereft of social interaction and friendships because I was pushing everyone away and isolating myself to self-destruct with my disease. So now, I am making up for lost time. With my friends.

And I trust that I am where I am supposed to be. That God will bring the right man into my life at the right time. And you know what? It’s impossible for me to miss him, because God already has “Mr. Right” picked out for me.


So my final truth for navigating this scene:

#11: Don’t Dismay

Don’t get too caught up in how crappy and dismal the Tinder-obsessed dating culture is. The right guy is out there (and you probably won’t find him on Tinder.) But God already ‘swiped right’ on him for you. He is impossible to miss.


 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

303 thoughts on “10 Truths for Navigating the Modern Dating Culture as a Christian”

  1. That’s 11, JD, but all very true, extremely well articulated (as always), and meaningful with your particularly special brand of wit and charm.

    Love the last ‘banner’, BTW.

    You’re a gem.Keep it up.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Tony:) I appreciate it. This was kinda the follow up to my post about last weekend so I just wanted to put the period at the end of the sentence if you will. Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate you always reading and affirming me friend! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Well written, articulate, and kept me interested to the last period. I am glad you have the sensitivity and strength needed to light the path for others. God is using you right here, right now.

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  4. It’s worth waiting. My cousin is from NYC and he just got married at 30. He wouldn’t even say he was dating, if he found a girl he would be “courting” her which means his intentions were to marry. His first girlfriend he courted for five years and they didn’t even kiss on the lips…he wanted to wait for marriage. But it did not work out, and that worked in his favor because now he found the love of his life and they just got married Saturday. I can guarantee it was worth the wait for them. So there are decent guys out there, ones who are respectful and share your sentiments. Just have to wait to find them…or for them to find you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Serena, thank you for sharing this. Wow what a beautiful love story. So inspiring and encouraging. You’re right-they’re out there and worth the wait. Hope you have a wonderful week! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is so wonderful and you are so amazing at expressing it all. I told you…keep doing what you are doing and writing about your culture.

    “And I trust that I am where I am supposed to be.”. You are spot on, sweetheart. Spot on.

    Btw, when I clicked ‘like’ at the bottom of your post, my cell phone took a picture; What is that about?

    I must add though, I thank God I am too old for this s___ .

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    1. Hahah oh this made me chuckle. Thanks Kitsy. I appreciate you always being so encouraging and kind. It means the world. And hmmm I’m not sure why that happened?! 😬 Hope your week is off to a great start. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I just now stumbled across this and of course I thought of you (and the many other women in your shoes – give or take 1/4″ 😃). There are good ones out there. Don’t give up hope 😃👍

    Fred

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  13. This is so true, and I wish more girls were aware that they do not have to conform to culture, man’s desire or anything else just to find a husband.
    God is using you right where you are, and as I’ve come to learn, His timing is BEYOND PERFECT! 🙂
    So thank you for once more writing to us all, it is a joy to read your words. (They were a welcome respite from school and people! 🙂 )

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  14. Love that you managed to weave “hoochie mama” and “kibosh” into the same post. Yiddish meets Queen Latifa. Anyway, I say to hell with your “biological clock”. That’s a non-issue. I’m 48 and just beginning to live my purpose and all that passion for connection is so much dissipation. So happy I never participated. Live your dream and he will cross your path. No need to go looking for it. My unsolicited 2 cents, which you don’t need at all since you’ve obviously figured it out already or you wouldn’t be able to write this.

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    1. Hi David! Haha thank you so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it. And thank you for your insight! Seriously it is greatly appreciated. I think you’re right. He will cross my path when I’m not looking for him. Thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Spot-on to my recent foray into an online dating site. Another pet peeve of mine: a guy agreeing to an in-person meet/chat, only to then disable his online account the next day. Married? CatFishing? Cold feet? Or just a douche.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Thank you for this! So relevant to me. I have to ask, you stated where not to look for a serious commitment, but where do you find good Christian men in NYC?

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  17. Good one! Value yourself, and others will value you too. Also the minute I stopped looking was when God brought my husband into my life. I was looking so hard, that I was in the way! My eldest daughter just decided that she is going to be the “crazy old cat lady” and is just getting on with her life and purchasing her own home. Whatever comes will come. People marry later and have children later now than they did when I was having to date. Personally, I hated dating, until I met my husband there was nothing fun about it. It was all stress. BTW we met at a company bowling league, and didn’t know each other prior to that. You just never know where you will meet the one God has for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Great post! I have given up on dating. I asked God to please send someone my way if it is meant to be. I’m not saying that I would ignore someone if the opportunity arose. I’m just saying I pick losers, users, and abusers. It’s time to let God pick for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Hi BBB,
    Apologies if someone commented this already but there are a lot of comments and I’m quite lazy tonight. 😀
    This post is great. Good Catholic girls, as you seem to be, obviously experience these problems or else you wouldn’t write about it (just to state the obvious) but Catholic guys have similar difficulties. And I agree with like everything you said. Buttt let me say this — the bit about buying a drink and asking for her number is tough. While most guys use this to lay the groundwork for a hookup, it does make it quite difficult for guys whose aim is not that. For guys whose aim is meet people at the party or bar, or for guys whose aim is to get to know one girl better. Put more bluntly, each time we/I make an effort to approach a girl, what you write goes through our/my mind(s). Those guys have ruined social settings for all of us, by putting it in the minds of women that all guys want is their company for the night.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey MM! Thank you so much for this perspective. That’s a really great point. And I definitely agree. Not ALL guys are like that. After I wrote this piece I went back and added that little “disclaimer” in the beginning because you’re right- the good ones aren’t thinking about that. They really are looking to get to know a girl. And I think you can tell a man’s intentions pretty quickly. So I would encourage you to keep doing it! Because you are an upstanding guy with great character and girls can tell:) thanks for reading! Hope your week is off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

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      1. Thank you thank you. My intention wasn’t so much to say that you consider all guys are like that, but rather that some guys ruin it for all guys.
        One other thought — not to waste your time — is a conversation I had with a non-Christian friend of mine. He’s convinced and I can more or less see his point that the type of man you reference has in essence created a breed of women who are as objectifying as the men. Of course not all but many women now express no interest in relationships and just want to have fun. I have friends (women) who say this. Idk if you believe these women or if you think that they’re just protecting themselves

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      2. Hmm that is definitely an interesting thought to ponder. And I must say I have come across many women like that. It’s almost like everyone is caught in a perpetuating cycle. Thanks for the food for thought ☺️👍

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      3. Yes a vicious cycle. But anyway I appreciate the post and it’s nice to read someone as cool as you espouse those 11 points. The world needs more BBBs.
        Last thing in reference to the food for thought. I haven’t forgotten about the challenge to top that comment about hyssop and the Bible. I’m waiting for a good post to comment it.
        All right now il let you go haha. Have a greatt night! 😝

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  20. This is a similar issue I deal with on the daily… Honestly, just keep your standards up. Your time is precious, and valuable. No one night stands … So your a nice girl that’s the kind of girl a real man wants. Any male who wants just sex out of an encounter is not a real man that is a pervo. No joke. 😝but really …real men see the worth of a woman.

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  22. I’m 22 and still single. I don’t mind being single even though at my age it is treated like you are out of the social norm if you don’t date or ‘hook up.’ I’m just taking my time. I am also learning to love and accept myself first. I think that is really important to do that before you begin a relationship with someone. I truly believe that good things come to those who wait. Thank you for posting this. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this Olivia! No rush beautiful! And you’re so right – I’m in the same boat too. Learning love yourself first is vital. Because I can’t give what I don’t possess. Thanks for reading friend! Hang in there. I trust the wait will totally be worth it! ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

  23. I work as a Bartender on the club scene, in an area of college age kids …. seen this waaaay to often., … what some of these young ladies don’t seem to understand is that us Bartenders can see what a person is up to coming in., … and some of these guys could care less if you are married, taken, or otherwise. Its just a big game. My daughter has voiced similar sentiments about the current generation of up and comers and how nauseating it is. We recently had an episode of some guy flirting with my daughter and after she blew him off he turned around and started flirting with me in a department store … my daughter and I looked at each other, nearly made gagging faces and busted up laughing as we just walked away … I sincerely feel for you nice young ladies out there in this culture … hang in there … LOL!!

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  26. Great post 🙂 I sometimes wonder If online dating actually works? I mean do half the people who commit to that end up marrying that person? And If so, does it often end in divorce? Don’t you ever wonder? To me, it seems like most people get married through regular group meetings that did not involve online. Either way, you have written everything perfectly here and keep up the great work as always 🙂

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  27. Do the churches have mixers at bars? I like my wine as much as the next person but isn’t that a bit odd? Lol. I feel like a post dedicated to this singles/young adult ministry subject is in order now.

    I am the only person married out of all my Christian friends and I wonder why that is? Is it the men that are the problem? The women? Both? Neither? It’s baffling. I’m very self serving on the subject I need understanding so I can pass it on. My son needs some playmates lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend! Ohhh yes. At least in NYC they’re at bars. Lol yeah I am not sure. It definitely is a “both parties” sort of thing, which means it will take both parties to remedy. I do have hope though:) thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The mixers being at bars is probably strike one for New York. A bar kind of has the spirit of hook up. Lol. I’m pretty sure I read about that spirit in Corinthians or something.

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  28. All you state is true. Not that I’ve experienced them but I know it is a strange time with strange, no boundary living. I am happy that you have set such wonderful, even beautiful boundaries for yourselves based on what you believe. Awesome post. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I enjoy reading about your journey in this life as a true Christian. The struggles you have to endure and the wonderful faith that you have. Your a true inspiration and, if I may say it, you give me hope. Hugs and love back to you.

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  29. I tried the online thing… unsuccessful every time. I refuse to again. I also tried church singles ministries but I felt it was like the fishbowling thing-That and a lot of churches don’t actually have one. I also read an article well-written about churches failing Christian singles, that they too, are important to the church and able to minister and reach out in ways that married couples cannot.

    Sadly, it was guys in the church I had the most unsuccessful relationships with. Whether it was indicative of the health of the church and/or maturity in me, I don’t think I will fully know till the crossing over.

    But also… in that way I also believe in “the one”- not the one in the concept of perfection for me… but the concept of perfectly imperfect and complimenting one another. I believe this is possible and that God’s got this. The hardest thing is His timing. I also think, for me personally, it also has to do with what we pray for and the conditioning of our hearts. I think perhaps I had what I like to say God in a box… preconceived ideas or notions that things would be a certain way so I was constricting Him in my mind to a plan I had thought would be best for me.

    I have been surprised recently in that department and I have no idea where it will go from here… but it His timing and His authorship and I pray that I will continue to be shaped and my heart chase after Him. Also, God can. I have about 4 posts I have yet to finish that seem to all tie into each other.
    Just never forget your worth and love the God ‘already swiped right.’

    Prayers and good wishes on that journey from another gal in the waters.

    Soli deo gloria.

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    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection. Your words are so encouraging. You’re right — God IS the author and I she bro trust his timing and his plan. That’s for sure the hardest. Thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

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  31. Such a relevant struggle in the modern world. Personally I have been supremely and sovereignly blessed as a single for 24 yrs, peer pressure and culture aside God has kept that 100% true. Waves of discontentment, completely normal BTW, are only indications of a desire yet to be fulfilled by an eternally loving God, so wait it out until the blessing is added. In the meantime pursue God fernently and see who keeps up, God cannot help but bless those who seek His face first.

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  33. Again you have such wonderful writing you should write a magazine that’s so good you are good tips on The Dating culture as Christians it’s nice to know you and I are the same boat dealing with the same junk. It almost becomes a chess match between the Flesh and the spirit in fact that’s what it’s like a chess match between the Flesh and spirit will if that’s what it is and I’d rather save the spirit wholeheartedly and Flash part of the time. Meaning I would rather be alone with God then look for women that don’t necessarily have the Jesus love within them. I’m not going to compare myself to Philip Johnny or Danny I will only try to measure up the Jesus in every way every day. Jesus offers and so much more loved than we could ever even begin to realize. Yes as a human being it is human nature to want a better half but as for me I’ve had enough of issues with blondes brunettes & redheads to last me a lifetime if I go searching this time it’s not on my will but his. I know the Lord’s will will be perfect when it is done through me when I obey him people have to understand there’s more to the dating scene than just girls in short dresses or guys wearing just the right amount of Axe body spray in cowboy boots again another interesting intriguing educational and enlightening article that you have written I applaud you. the whole article itself actually should be in the New York Times or the post. Sincerely Anthony

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    1. Hi Anthony, gosh thank you so much for this kind note! Seriously you are such an encourager. Thank you! You’re right-His will is perfect. I’ve just got to trust and be patient. Hope you’re having a great night. Hugs and love xox

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  34. great post. I don’t think your bar is set too high. There is nothing wrong with wanting real commitment – it is just where do we find this? Do we actively seek it as all these 10 points suggest or wait? I don’t think a club or bar is the way to find love .I met my hubby to be at a friends house . Change of scenery perhaps? 🙂

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    1. Hi Daisy! Thank you so much! This is some great advice. You’re right I think you’re right. A change of scenery is def in order. It’s just hard in NYC because the only places to congregate are out at restaurants and bars because everyone lives In a studio apartment so hanging out at someone’s house isn’t a option. But I have hope that here are other places of here to meet! Thanks for the food for thought! Hugs and love xox

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  35. Hi BBB! Don’t give up hope, you fabulous ED warrior:) God has a guy for you that’s worth waiting for, and you’ll both find each other one day!
    Keeping you in my prayers xoxo

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    1. Hello friend! Aw than you so much for the prayers. Your encouragement is so appreciated. You’re right. I do trust that and trust His good will for my life. Thanks for reading ! Hugs and love xox

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  36. Great post and you are right! I read a nice quote somewhere “do the things you love and Love will come to you”.

    Warm embrace from Bucharest!

    Andreea

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  37. 26 years ago I began “dating” my now husband – I had had lots of boy “friends”, one or two I was very close too but knew they were not “the one”. Hubby was a shy young man I knew at church who had been quietly plucking up the courage to “ask me out” after our wise Pastor and his wife encouraged him (she noticed his eyes following me around the church and elbowed her husband). An opportunity arose for him to ask me to accompany him taking someone on a long trip and would I keep him company on the return journey, having realised at this point that he was “interested” in me, I nervously agreed with my flatmates words of “go with an open mind” and went and we had a wonderful day together and arranged to attend a “gathering” the next day together. When we then decided to “officially” begin dating, we were agreed that the purpose of “dating” as Christians was to prepare for marriage – we were in our mid twenties so no need to think of years ahead – by going into”a relationship” we had already got to know enough about each other to say “I like you enough to think I want to spend the rest of my life with you and marry you” and we married the following year. As a Christian I think you are unlikely to meet “the one” outside of the Church – I think God will bring him to you and he will come highly recommended by people you know you can trust – God may surprise you as he did me with someone you already know and respect but had never considered

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  39. You are so right. When people are being led primarily by their sexual impulses, they are finding anything that will satisfy that impulse. But, when they are being led by the vision of a spouse, everything changes. When I was in college, I began to have a vision of a wife, and shortly befor I graduated, when I had almost given up hope of finding her, she found me, and we have been married for almost three decades now. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Way before internet access, I knew in my heart I wanted to find that special one to get married too, many years later I had given up the idea of ever getting married
    Then one night I went to the local Salvation Army citadel, and knelt at the mercy seat and offered my life in service to God
    Little knowing a young songster would come and chat me up, and turn out to be the women I would marry and stay married to for 33 years so far
    So be encouraged and keep praying and believing

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  41. Wonderful post! Hang on to what you have-and that is your faith and love in yourself. Write down everything you want in a partner/spouse and God will deliver! I can speak to that! Sounds like you have a wonderful support group of friends, too. Keep in your intregity! ❤️❣❤️

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  42. Another enlightening & enjoyable read! I don’t envy your generation’s dating, with all of today’s technology protocols. Your approaches are sound & worthwhile. I do think what brings people (men or women) to love hasn’t really changed. Seems men of your scenarios (young men today?) are having too much fun to commit, they just aren’t ready. No sense trying to force a square peg into a round hole. I also think living in NYC has much do with it. In less populated areas there are more opportunities to know people more individually, to be taken more seriously, to catch someone’s eye and visa versa on a more personal level.

    At a dating age & an attractive woman, for several years I lived in NY. I came from the rural Midwest and it struck me how very odd it was to be surrounded by soooo many people yet be so alone, no one ever getting to know the other, how superficial it was. I took the bus into NYC for work, passing millions of people every day, never knowing any of them nor they me. Just an odd thing that seemed to defy all odds. Seems there one tends to blend into the massive mosaic that is NYC. Also seems, to meet someone on a more respectable level, you might want to consider making friends/living in a smaller area around NYC? There are lovely ones.

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    1. Hi friend! This is some great advice. You’re right, NYC is an entity into its own. As wonderful as it is, everything is inflated here: the prices, the work hours, the nightlife, and yes – the noncommittal relationships. You’ve given me some great food for thought. Thanks for that:) hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good! I was shocked to read the $16 price for one drink, oh my gosh. That was an awakening. I literally spent 10-12 hours/day committed to work, seemed like I came home only to get up and start all over. But gravitating to a smaller community, I commuted from Harriman and the commute alone was a couple of hours each way. So glad those days are done but I do miss all of the great clothes shopping in NYC :).

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      2. Oh the clothes shopping. I have only recently joined that bandwagon but oh my gosh. 😍 yeah I can definitely appreciate getting away from the rat race. Hugs and love my friend xox

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  43. I saw a Church poster once with the caption “You won’t find God’s gift to women in a singles’ bar”. On the poster was a picture of Jesus.

    Yes, I agree with the sentiments of this post. If you sacrifice your principles you will end up in the company of men who don’t respect. There are good men and women out there. Good people don’t always shout and run to the front of any crowd, but they’re there.

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    1. Hey Harry! I love that. You’re right, the good ones won’t be shouting or running to the front. I’ve just got to trust that God will bring me to that man. And in the mean time I should probably put myself in situations where those types of guys hang out. Hmm much to think about. Thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  45. Hi BeautyBB, another great blog. What you say is very true. Although the world’s standards have changed, God’s standards have always remained the same. The world (Satan) has put much pressure on young adults to date and has done well to conform many into a disrespect for sincere proper dating, marriage and sex. There is no need for any of us to feel forced to comply with the world’s degrading standards just because the rest of the world has declared the bad thing good and the good thing bad. Keep your integrity, it is very admirable and will attract the proper kind of attention.

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    1. Thank you so much for this. Lots of great food for thought. Your right. God’s standards haven’t changed. And I trust he will bring the right man into my life. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  46. First of all, a challenge to all the single men among BBB’s ten-thousand plus followers: If you’re following her you must be kindred spirits to some degree. What are you waiting for? What more could you want? Don’t some of you live right there in NYC? Is it a lack of airfare for those of you who don’t? You know, Im just sayin’. . .

    On a serious note, as I read this post I couldn’t help thinking of a time when dating was like you describe it but without the smart phones and texting. It began slowly following the legalization of birth-control pills in the 60s and peaked when AIDS hit in the 80s. There were only a few “lonely hearts clubs” at that time, so most hook-ups happened spontaneously in bars where hook-ups were known to happen. These too were carnal times. In many cases a relationship was characterized only by knowing each other’s first name. It’s a stretch, but I would liken it to taking speed limit signs down everywhere.

    The thing is in a viable society there have to be limits. That era ended with the onslaught of a dreaded disease. This era will end too, although at the moment I can’t even venture a guess at the reason.

    The main difference between then and now is that, even though a surprising number of married men and women engaged, along with singles, in trysts and one-nighters, outwardly the society upheld marriage as the right way to form a household with lasting bonds. Today, reports on marriage are discouraging. The numbers tell us that an increasingly larger number of couples are opting against marriage.

    In a way I see this as a repetition of society’s changing opinion about divorce. Until the era I mentioned above, divorce was almost always frowned upon. It carried with it a stigma of failure or insincerity. Now, it seems more of a recognized consequence of marriage -an inevitability in many cases. A flow has gradually developed and people are going with it.

    Here is where I think “Many are called but few are chosen” comes in. There is temporal comfort from being guided by society, from going with the flow. I did it but now I know it was wrong.

    Faith and the conscience that comes from it resound in your words. I pray that you stay firm and be patient for your reward.

    Rich XOX

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    1. Hahahah oh my gosh Richard you literally made me laugh out loud with that opening 😂 so thanks for that little gem. But seriously thank you for this thought provoking comment. So much wisdom here. I agree. It’s sad how the new reports on the demise of the marriage. It truly hurts my heart. But I do have hope that the right man is out there. I just need to trust and be patient. But wow thanks for this great comment. Hugs and love my friend xox

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  47. Love love love this!! I identify with all of this except the big city part. I have small town life and I feel like it’s just as hard as everyone is married off by 21 and has kids. So now at my age everyone is getting divorced so lots of my friends are dating married/separated people. I’ll stay single thanks. 🙂

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  48. Beautifuy articulated Beauty. But I find this is very disturbing. It is disturbing and unsettling because I felt the exact same way 20 years ago. Every point you made I identify with before I dropped out of dating. I was so disgusted with the whole dating scene that I stopped. 7 years after that I married my best friend. So it’s now 20 years later and if what you have here is Truth, single Christian women are having a difficult time in this area. Thanks for this post. Keep giving us the truth!

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    1. Thank you so much. Oh gosh, I guess it’s not just a tinder-driven problem! How inspiring that you found your love when you weren’t even looking! Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

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