10 Truths for Navigating the Modern Dating Culture as a Christian

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

We are living in unprecedented times. At least for those of us trying to navigate this nauseatingly complicated travesty that is the modern dating culture.


The noncommittal guys, the “rules for communication,” the necessity for seeming like you don’t care, the casual approach, the ‘swipe right’ mindset of romantic relationships.

But for me, there’s a whole ‘nother layer to navigating this -LetsBeHonest- toxic dating culture: and that’s my faith.

It’s confusing. It’s frustrating. Add to that the fact that I live in NYC, and it can seem just down right hopeless.

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So here are my 10 Truths for Navigating the Modern Dating/Hookup Culture as a Christian:

*And let me just preface this: I am not suggesting that all guys fall into this camp. This is just a satirical look at some “norms” I have come across in NYC.

#1. Cut the Casual Crap

One of the most frustrating things about “dating” is that everything is so casual. I mean, you can’t even call it “dating,” or else you’re seen as too serious. You’re talking, you’re hanging out, you’re friends with benefits. No. Just, no. Because you know what that is code for? Sleeping around. ((See #2))

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#2. Ditch Dating Around

Being so casual with “hanging out” is just a sneaky green light for seeing a bunch of other people and stringing them along with the bare minimum to keep them interested. For most people, this means being “F-buddies.” For me, that’s not an option. So what’s a nice girl to do when all the guys are looking for is a casual and convenient “fling” that is maaaaybe reoccurring? No sir. If I’m going to invest my time and heart with you, you better not be seeing any hoochie mama on the side. Puh-lease.

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#3. “Netflix and Chill” my A**

Now, I am not high maintenance. I love to watch a good football game on the couch or hype up for some March Madness. I mean, my game day eats are on point. BUT I will not be some stand in for a guy friend that will exist solely to “meet your needs.” I do not do that.

#4. Tinder Me Not

OK. The online dating apps…they just need to stop. Like, immediately. Tinder is such an enabler to the hookup culture. First of all, it is literally a catalogue of faces (or other anatomy…) for you to simply swipe left or right on – simply based on their looks. The majority of guys I know approach Tinder like so: “it’s a way to find a hookup for the night.” — And that’s an exact quote. Just delete the app. SMH

#5. The Texting Game

Ugh. This one is so frustrating. Dear people at Apple: the “typing ‘…’ bubble” and the “delivered/read” receipt — thank you on behalf of all the women everywhere having collective panic attacks waiting with phone-in-hand for their “guy of interest” to text a reply.

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And while we’re on the topic: we need to just put the kibosh on this whole, “Oh I have to wait 2 hours to text him back.” Just reply to the damn message. I don’t want to get labeled as “needy” or “too eager” because I have the conversation courtesy to text you back in a timely manner.

#6. The Gentleman Caller

Believe me when I say that I hate talking on the phone as much as the next person. I mean, I haaaate it. But since when did actually calling someone vs. texting become a faux pas? Sometimes, I want to just have a spontaneous conversation about something funny that just happened, or to solidify plans. Not everything can be communicated through emojis! 

#7. Digits, My Digits

As a flirty, young female in the city where there are nearly as many bars as there are people, I’ve definitely had to perfect my “bar” game. What to wear; how to show just enough skin to stay in the classy – not trashy – camp; the perfect height of heel — because believe me, 1/4 of an inch is the difference between a night of fun and a night of tears.


But if there’s one thing that is exasperating: it is guys asking for your number. I am out with my friends. I do not want to be solicited for casual dating right now, NOR will I want to be harangued via texting me eggplant emojis tomorrow during church or at brunch.

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And same with guys buying drinks. I don’t want to owe you anything. Keep your wallet in your pocket. I don’t want to have to make small talk with you for the next 30 minutes because I feel bad you just dropped 16 bucks on a vodka/soda.

#8. Kiss and Fly

Which, yes, is the name of a trendy club in meatpacking. But is also a current “dating” trend that needs to just stop. The last I checked, a kiss means something. At least to me. You’re gonna kiss me on Saturday night, and then not call or see me again until the next “group hang” where you act like it never happened? What is that about?

#9. Forget Fishbowling

Which, I’m just going acknowledge right off the bat, sounds like it could be something dirty on Urban Dictionary, or something pertaining to drugs, but for alliteration’s sake, I’m going to just go with it.

Here’s what I mean: it is so annoying to go “young adults” or “young singles” church nights, and then go to the “mixer” at the bar afterwards. Please. It feels so forced with our handwritten name tags and craft beers. I feel like I’m in a fishbowl being forced to “spiritually mate” and find my future husband. To the point where I have stopped attending these events. They are that bad. I know, I should probably meet a guy a church, but for cryin’ out loud, let’s not look that desperate.

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#10. Forget all this and remember what’s important.

So okay, I’ve had my rant. Sure, I may have tried to be a little witty, and okay, some of my points may be borderline complaining, but it’s coming from a sincere place. I am fed up with the modern dating culture that doesn’t respect a committed relationship, and finds ‘waiting for marriage’ as an archaic, absurd, and prudish notion. I mean, I feel like the stigma is that if you’re waiting to have sex that you’re automatically wearing orthopedic shoes and an ankle length dress.

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But it’s just a fact that in the modern dating culture, if you don’t “give it up,” all a guy has to do is buy the next girl at the bar a drink, and he can get what he’s looking for.

So I have come to terms with the fact that I will most likely not find my husband out at a bar. Or on Tinder. Or really anywhere secular in NYC.

And I could get really depressed about that. Become exasperated that I’m devoting all my social time to hanging out in a crowd that isn’t on that same page, while all the while aging. While my youth fades and biological clock ticks.


Am I wasting my time? Some may say yes. But I say no. I have incredibly wonderful friendships that are filling my heart to the brim. During my anorexia, I was so bereft of social interaction and friendships because I was pushing everyone away and isolating myself to self-destruct with my disease. So now, I am making up for lost time. With my friends.

And I trust that I am where I am supposed to be. That God will bring the right man into my life at the right time. And you know what? It’s impossible for me to miss him, because God already has “Mr. Right” picked out for me.


So my final truth for navigating this scene:

#11: Don’t Dismay

Don’t get too caught up in how crappy and dismal the Tinder-obsessed dating culture is. The right guy is out there (and you probably won’t find him on Tinder.) But God already ‘swiped right’ on him for you. He is impossible to miss.


 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

303 thoughts on “10 Truths for Navigating the Modern Dating Culture as a Christian”

  1. If I may be so bold to say, you are NOT wasting your time! It sounds to me like you’re holding on to something very, very special … an unimaginable gift from God: Integrity. And I just know that there’s a good, godly man somewhere in your vicinity who will deeply appreciate you being real, authentic and prudent all while having a genuine smile and great sense of humor… I have to believe that godly attracts godly. Thank you for such an inspiring article. Hold onto your faith and keep believing! All the best to you w/blessings!

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    1. Thank you for this encouragement! I definitely trust that God has someone just right in store for me. I have to cling to that hope. Thanks for this little nudge of positivity. Have a great afternoon! Hugs xox

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  2. Here’s a thought: “Just say no” works a lot better on addiction when it comes from the object of desire. Sex isn’t a uniquely human behavior – but self-control is. That’s when a boy truly becomes a man.

    And for the girls: after they’re done letting the boys dump all their dirt in them, they’ll look at the light shining from you and wonder where in the world they went wrong. Let your compassion wash all over them.

    BTW – do you wear any sign of your faith? I used to wear one over my heart when I was out in public, but misplaced it during one of my many moves.

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  3. So many of my clients come to me because they are lonely. Some of them are lonely because they don’t like the dating scene, and some of them are lonely because they’ve been a part of the scene for a long time, working the bars, doing the Tinder swipe, drowning among the plenty of fish. For many people, it is so easy to hook up that they have forgotten (or never learned) what it means to meet someone, get to know them, develop a crush, fall in love, and decide to make a commitment. This is true for both men and women, Christians and non-Christians alike. I personally believe that the whole trend towards hookup-culture is going to collapse eventually, because I meet so many people who are just so dissatisfied with it. When we use ourselves and other people as sources of quick pleasure instead of deep nourishment it hurts. It makes us less human.

    It makes me so happy to read your posts. Be fearless and stay true to yourself.

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  4. Oh …god …read this post and thought …eeeeeek ….the whole ‘dating’ carry on freaks me out …..that’s why I named my iPad ‘Eric’:D:D:D ….to avoid those embarrassing situations when well meaning friends try to ‘hook you up’etc
    No ….I have 2 little fella’s I’m trying to get safely to adulthood ….other than that I’m sticking with Eric:D:D:D
    But YOU are young, drop dead gorgeous both outside and in …yes bide your time …you DESERVE and I’m sure will meet one day ‘Mr Right’ …it’ll probably be when you’re least expecting:)

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  6. Love this! Even for a old married woman of 20 years who met her husband through a dating service. I definitely thought this was beautifully written and very funny! I commend you for holding firm to your beliefs and convictions. I will definitely reshare this with my daughter and other girls and women waiting for Mr Right.

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  8. With self-declared cynics of New York vs. the self-righteous of Idaho, man, Beebs, I think it is a maze unlike any. Give me the garden, and hand me Eve. This world is such a mess! Good luck, Beebs. Maybe you just need to “walk 5,000 miles”. The topic. You nailed it! Thanks for taking it on. I still can’t get over the intimidation I felt in New York over the complexity of bus and train routes. How do you navigate a city like the inside of an anthill the size of the world? I have an idea for you, Beebs. Try turning everything upside down, and see how it looks. I sometimes would do that with my drawings, and they actually ended up looking cooler some of them, upside-down than right-side up. I dunno. It’s a thought. Reverse gravity. Reverse the rotation of the earth. Reverse expectations. Reverse hopes. Reverse life. Put everything in reverse. You may even accept Nihilism after awhile of doing it. Just kidding. Not trying to put thoughts into your head. He he.

    You are so right about the “spiritual mate.” That is so true. The “spiritual people” are more often than not the ones who end up fleeing in the face of Goliath. I don’t get that. Isn’t their spirituality supposed to mean more than vain repetitions? Often that ain’t so, though. It’s a social advantage oftentimes to show outward religiosity. I guess it was these thoughts about other people that got me calling you a “Jesus freak.” Sorry about that.

    You bring Christianity into this, so I guess I dare ask, Are you aware of the cleansing of the daughter of Zion (Isaiah 3-4)? Keynote would be what happens to the men…(3:25). I guess it doesn’t pay well to oppose God. Anyway, thanks again for tackling the topic. Good luck. Don’t give up, Beebs. There are still some people out there that believe in love. I don’t know any of them, but, hey, that never stopped me from believing all kinds of things before. Crazy gets easier all the time. You oughta try it sometime. (Maybe you already have. If so, sorry.)

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    1. Hey Dan! Thanks for this reflection. You’ve definitely given me some provocative food for thought. I do think that sometimes getting a fresh perspective is what we need. So thank you for that 🙂 Hope your week is off to a great start! hugs and love my friend! xox

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      1. Fresh is good? 🙂 My week is great. Thanks. Or it will be when I figure out what I ought to do. Looking into buying a farm (if only I had the money). My dad once explained the life cycle of a farmer. First 20 years wishing he were off the farm. Next 20 years wishing he were back on the farm. The rest of his life spent wondering why he went back!!! I’m just about to the stage of going back. Guess I’ll see. Anyway, hugs and love back! Thanks. Is it legal for farmers to blog? I don’t know. I don’t think anything is legal, anymore. Everything’s a crime. I’ll probably get busted for writing my name in all caps–RED. (At least that’s what they called me in high school at cross-country races.) Say Hi to Pelham Bay Park for me. I liked it there. Do you ever go there? I liked it better than the Bronx Zoo, myself. You don’t have to go. I just liked it, and writing you reminds me of it because you are in New York City. Please don’t make me go back, though. I don’t think I could handle the rejection again. I don’t think New York and I get along now that I think about it. I’m so glad it’s in the past. A long way into the past. Almost another lifetime.

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      2. Pelham Bat Park…I’ve actually never been there! I definitely think farmers can blog! I’d absolutely read it! Good luck with the farm hunting! Hugs and love xox

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  9. So nice … and so insightful into the mess which is 21st century life – it sounds horrible to be young right now! All the boundaries are gone, nobody has or wants a map, sex has become a recreational pursuit … women are thus more like ‘sex objects’ then in the old days when they were seen as the ‘weaker sex’ or made to be ‘just housewives and mums’. Nobody can actually think. Logic has become unknown. Sigh … All best in the jungle and hoping there is someone special for you who sees you as a human being who is interesting to be with and infinitely worthwhile! (And when will women who are caught up in this begin to realise how much worse of they are and how exploited? They are not free. They are being used.)

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    1. Hi Mari! Thank you so much for this response. You’re right–a jungle it is!! I have to cling to the hope that there is someone out there that will treat me with respect and dignity. I have faith there is 🙂 Thanks for stopping by! hugs and love to you xox

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  10. YAAAAAASSSSS girl! I am living in South Africa, I’m single, and we have THE SAME PROBLEM! I am honestly fed up with the modern dating culture. And you are very right in saying we must trust the process, but I do hope ‘mr right’ comes along before my 20’s are over! haha 😛 anyway love your blog, I’ve been following you for a while now and you are very inspirational xxx

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    1. Hi friend! Oh wow South Africa! That’s SO COOL! But girl I feel. you. Fed up is absolutely the word. I trust though that Mr. Right is out there for you and I. Guys that will treat us with the respect and dignity we so deserve! 🙂 Now if only I could have some patience hehe thanks for reading! Hope you have a great afternoon…or w/e time it is in SA! hah hugs and love xox

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  13. Reading this reminds me of how I so do NOT miss the “dating” scene. Being a single mom — and half nuts to boot — didn’t make it easy to find “Mr. Right.” 😛 lol And I didn’t even live in a huge metropolis. That said, the first man I married I met in church. The second — I don’t want to talk about, but suffice to say, he was a handler. The third, I met in a bar. (urgh… yes, I’m one of “those” women who’ve been married three times… I’m not proud of it, but it is what it is) However, as “non-Christian” as it felt to me to meet a guy in a bar, he’s actually the exact right person for me. He’s such a blessing. Totally and one-hundred percent GOD blessing me in a very unexpected way. So, I think your words right here sum it up: “…I trust that I am where I am supposed to be. That God will bring the right man into my life at the right time. And you know what? It’s impossible for me to miss him, because God already has ‘Mr. Right’ picked out for me.”

    YES AND AMEN!!! 🙂 I have found that if I focus on what God has for me to do RIGHT NOW, everything else will fall into place.

    You never know: you just might meet that special someone when you least expect it and under circumstances that you would never think possible. ❤ Blessings to you!

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    1. Thank you so much for this encouragement, Loren. That’s so wonderful that you found your mr. Right. I think you’re right-he’ll pop up where I least expect him! I’ve just gotta trust and be patient. Thanks for stopping by! Sending hugs and love xox

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  14. Loved every bit of this post because I can relate to it so much. There’s so much truth in here and you put it out nicely. Thanks for sharing 😊

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  15. Dating was stressful… all the nuance and protocol. It was nice to get to the part of just being oneself and expressing that. Actually that was always me and I was just going through the mill until I met another of the same variety.
    Finally I just asked to be shown which one was the one. I was not let down. She showed up shortly thereafter, and the rest is history. Thank you Yeshua!

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      1. You’re welcome. Mr. Right is out there. You might need a little help in aiming him in your direction. Best wishes!

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      1. You are most welcome. My 12 hour shift at work is nearly done; just finishing my charting and then the 1.5 hour drive home. Gentle hugs and love. Xox

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  17. Amazing honest post! Amazing woman! Keep the faith as you are so worth it! I want God to bless you so much! I trust that sooner than later I am going to read about your great blessing from our Lord. As always, thank you for the gift of you!

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  19. Good things come with patients ,As a middle aged male I was raised in a time where woman where to be treated with respect .I still open the door for my wife .I pull out her chair when we go out to eat .I would hate to date in this crazy world today.Sometimes , I think with Twitter , Facebook , snap chat and a whole bunch more , there has been a transgression of dating .Dam with so much social media you can find out to much about a person losing that spontaneous ,I got ya moment . Stay strong to your values , it’s not a race, and a solid relationship doesn’t come with a click and a send.We have 3 daughters 31 married year and a half enjoy her mate ,30 married 3 years honest young man ,22 married one year. The youngest has a husband that id prefer to put in your east river . Sons 29 and 24 not married because there POS at times .There’s a lot to be said for a summers night walk along our river fronts ,and if we get crazy a skinny dip lol.The ticket we just paid is proof of that .So as we have told our children respect others and stay true to yourself .The sons on the other had , well let’s say the only time I’ve ever seen them be nice to a woman is tonthere mother and that’s not often not so much.

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  20. Read Genesis 24, the culture was different, the marriage was arranged, yet the servant followed a set of principles in looking for a bride for his master’s son. Principles that can be followed today in this 21st Century context.

    What were the principles:

    1. The bride had to cone from a certain family. Christians should only date other Christians, those who are spiritually minded in the family of God.
    2. He went to a suitable place where the young women were drawing water. Frequent places where other young Christians are gathering.
    3. He sought a hard working young woman. A lazy person will neither make a good husband nor a good wife.
    4. He sought one who cared about home and family, drawing water for the needs of the family. A young woman or young man who is kind to his/her parents will generally be one who is loving within a relationship.
    5. Moses records that Rebekah, when she appeared was a virgin. Moral purity is so important. Many young people are ruining themselves for the future through promiscuous lifestyles.
    6. Rebekah was beautiful. Yes, physical attraction is important.
    7. The servant prayed. It is so important to pray that God will send an appropriate partner.
    8. He left the matter in God’s hands, he trusted God to send a girl who would water his 10 camels (representing 10 gallons of water) without asking.
    9. He brought gifts as tokens of his Master’s wealth.
    10. He found the approval of Rebekah’s family. Taking the opinions of parents seriously is an important Christian virtue.
    11. Finally, Rebekah was willing to go. A true marriage is created by a willing bond of love between two parties.

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      1. Typo on point 8, should read 200 gallons of water, each camel consumed 20 gallons after a long trek. That was 200 trips to the well for Rebekah with the pitcher holding a gallon!

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  21. I’ll have to agree with your generalization; I say guys are mostly pigs. At a sales conference I went out with my sales team for dinner. The only topic of conversation was video games. They couldn’t have an intelligent conversation on anything else. Guys in their THIRTIES!!! My two sisters married losers; one was defrocked from the church.

    Lots of frogs for you to go through, Princess. I feel your pain. My Julie and I actually went to the same parochial grade school; just one room apart. After graduate school and moving home to regroup, I re-met her. The rest is a great 31 year history! One of these days when you least expect it – Boom! Right in the heart!

    Wishing you peace and love!

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    1. Hi Jeff! Oh gosh video games! 🙈 haha yeah that’s another trend.you already know how much your and Julie’s love story inspired me:) and she had been right there all along. So beautiful 🙂 thanks for the encouragement my friend. It always means the world. Xoxo hugs and love

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  22. Great post and memes (as always), but it’s better that a guy asks you for your number while you’re out with your friends than it is for him to spend the rest of his life wondering why you aren’t replying to his Missed Connections ad. 😉

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    1. Hi friend! Hmm that is definitely some great food for thought. And on second thought you’re absolutely right. Because who really knows? Thanks for this perspective! Hugs and love xox

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  24. I’m not sure if you’re looking for advice, or if you’re trying to give advice. It just sounds like you’re frustrated because this one thing in your life isn’t working out the way you want it to. Remember that God doesn’t work on your schedule. Remember what happens when we try to force the schedule (see Abraham, Jacob, Moses, etc). Also remember that you can’t have it both ways: you can’t be going out to meet guys at the bar, and then not try to meet guys at the bar. Decide what you want to achieve through your actions, and adjust accordingly.
    Lastly, never discount the power of repeated prayer. Sometimes it takes minutes for an answer, but sometimes it takes years.

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  27. Been there, done that. When you think all along it’s a legitimate relationship (or at least headed that way) and then. when he’s suddenly ready to jump to the next one, you hear, “You knew what this was.” That line is lunacy at its finest. Keep pushing through, girl. God’s man for you will show up when he’s supposed to 🙂

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  28. 22 years with my “best thing that ever happened to me” and looking back, it was worth the wait. Hang in there, hon. He’s out there prepping for you. When he comes, God will confirm and you won’t be able to get rid of him (trust me, you’ll never want to)! Xo

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      1. Your welcome! I remember how it was. It was not fun at all. I had to get in my zone and just focus on myself and school. So it took him awhile to convince me that he was even a viable candidate for dating. Glad I didn’t miss out!! Lol

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  29. Hang in there dear,it’s worth the wait in the end. At the right time he will come knocking and you won’t miss him. You surely deserve the best and that’s what you will get! All the best.

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  30. So reassuring to know other women aren’t settling and are learning to trust God’s path while dealing with all the craziness of our culture. I live in Kansas City which you would think would be more rural, conservative and Christian but no. I’ve dated more atheist or agnostic men than I have religious ones. Hold strong girl, God has special men for us I hope!

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    1. Hi Allison! Thank you so much for this reflection! Oh girl, craziness is right! Definitely! He does have the right men out there for us! And we won’t be able to miss them! 🙂 thanks for stopping by! Hope you have a great night! Hugs and love xox

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  33. Hmmm…seems like you hit a nerve here with folks 🙂 For my two cents…..
    1) It’s interesting that you admit to hating to talk on the phone, and yet don’t want an emoji filled text exchange. We do seem to have lost the ability to have phone conversations; perhaps we’ve lost the ability to single task on talking one-on-one anyway.
    2) Hope is a valuable commodity. If you have it, nurture and keep it alive. I’ve sadly lost it after ten years of single-again. Despite church, work, yoga, art, volunteer work….I still find myself with no hopes or prospects. And this is true even though I’ve never tried Tindr or OKC or the other mass-tech approaches.
    3) I like your description of fishbowling 🙂 Very good description, and yes, it does seem like forced mating 😦
    4) It seems like this falls very much into the dichotomy area of trusting God v. working out. How do you determine what level of effort is needed to be engaged and active rather than sitting back and just saying that you’re trusting God but not giving him any opportunity to connect you. Rhetorical question 🙂

    Good luck.

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    1. Hi Jeff! Thanks for this advice. Yeah the dating scene can definitely be a catch 22. I just have to hold onto hope. Hope that God will see me through any hardship, that there is a good plan for my life, and that God has a special man in store just for me. Thanks for reading! Hugs xox

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  35. I remember going through the thinking process on a possible mate. All my friends told me to beat the bushes and see what comes out. My dilemma was that I had looked at what appeared beautiful ( and she was ) but we were not suited at all. Goals, priorities and even the importance of God were miles apart. I did not ever want to walk that road of separation and divorce. Pain, shame and confusion were not worth taking a gamble. God loved me so why would my Father not want a wonderful wife for me. Why would I look for her without Him leading. I can’t look on the outside and know the in. The day I laid my little secret bare before Him was the day my life changed. Four years had passed and I never made a move but the secret I hid in my heart was ” What if God has nobody for me? What if I am to go it alone? Can I follow Him down this path? I want someone to love and to hold. Well this one day I stopped in my hallway and said. Do you want me to have anyone or do you want me to walk alone? I just need You to tell me so I can clear away these nagging questions” There I said it. I felt so good to come clean. That evening when I entered my home the phone was ringing. I picked it up and it was the young woman who quickly became my wife. It was no coincidence that I put the ball in Fathers court so to speak and then change came. A suddenly happened. She is an amazing person and more then I deserve and I know I would have never found her looking on my own. If He did it for me He will do it for you. 🙂

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    1. Wow this is so inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing it. I’m so glad you got to the phone in time! Hehe but seriously that is so wonderful. Thanks for this encouragement. Sending hugs and love xox

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  36. This article really hit me… I thought I was the only one who felt this way about “modern dating”. It’s really a shame when people turn what so suppose to be a wonderful thing into such a backwater, shameless, vain, and petty social event. I tried the online dating thing in hopes of find a wonderful man, but the guy I thought was a stud was really a dud! What he posted about himself was really a front to get women. He said he wasn’t ready to have a “relationship”, cause he’s afraid of being hurt. What the f–k? Then what the f–k are you doing on an dating relationship site? He should have gone to Tinder if wanted to have someone to hook up with!

    I don’t do”friends with benefits”, because speaking for myself they are half-assed relationships, I want a deep and loving relationship. Anyway the cut the story short, I stopped seeing the guy after dating him a few months. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I couldn’t give love to a man I loved (or wanted to love) nor have his love in returning. I can’t see myself having flings with him or any guy… I am not going to sell myself in a “dating” culture, just because I want to have man by my side. I’m sure to some dudes out there who think I’m “no fun”, but tough. I am a real woman who deserves a real man, not some pale comparison of one. Right now I am focusing on the heal of the heartbreak, taking care of my physical and mental health, and pursing my dreams! I will not forsake myself for any man!!! Nor will I forsake the dreams of having a long wonderful, real, deep relationship with a MAN, just because society says “why bother? You’d only be deemed as “too needy” Look like you don’t care and you’ll “keep him”. I mean he’ll disrespect you and all, but hey at least you’ll have a man.”

    Look, I believe we going to find a good man as long as we set our eyes on God. God fearfully and wonderfully made us, so why should be afraid to be ourselves? We honor God by being the person he created us to be. Remembering this keeps me sane in this world!!!! Especially on the days I feel lonely. Here are other verses that keep in hopeful in finding love:
    Genesis 2:18 : Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
    1 John 3:22: And whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.
    Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
    Song of Solomon 3:5: I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
    Isaiah 34:16: Seek and read from the book of the Lord: Not one of these shall be missing; none shall be without her mate. For the mouth of the Lord has commanded, and his Spirit has gathered them.
    1 Corinthians 7:8-9: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
    (Basically meaning use your time to be single, so you can be with God more. Not to mention you can carry this love God into your future family)

    God knows our desires and I believe he send for the relationship we’ve always wanted to have with a man. Heck! God may give us a man beyond our wildest dreams! 🙂 But till then, let’s focus on God to help bypass us this thing we call “modern dating”.

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  37. Sister, you are correct in this critique. But I ask the question – what does this do to men? I suspect it keeps males in permanent adolescence. Permanently juvenile. Women are coming on strong in society these days, and blokes respond to this legitimate challenge with illegitimate rule setting, and corrosive behaviour.

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  40. Great post. I have so much admiration for what a real Catholic marriage looks like (have you ever read Deus Caritas Est?) that I’m not even tempted by the cheap substitutes. But right now I have a crush on someone who does not share that vision and it hurts. 😦

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  41. I couldn’t agree more! However, insisting on this eliminates 98% of the dating pool…
    Even some nice Christian guys or men are into the contemporary scene.
    The problem is if you missed the train when all the nice Christian guys got married at approximately 21 y.o! By the time they are 28, they have 3 kids. You then have to wait for the divorces to start happening, which is sad and cynical. Plus that means a lot of baggage.

    Alternatively if you find a nice Christian guy who isn’t married at 30 (which I did) then beware – he could be a closet gay. Mine was and I only discovered a couple of weeks before the wedding. It’s been downhill since then.

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  42. Thank you for this post! So many people out there are playing the dating game and having a heck of a time finding mr. right because they do not value themselves or believe the societal lies that tell them sex is cheap and marriage is just paper. I was a chaser growing up, I chased after boys and their affection…I only found mister right when I stopped chasing and just let God be God. I could never pick a greater match than what he had waiting for me. Now I have been married 2 years after being friends for 5, and I couldn’t be happier…the best part..is being united with someone who puts God first. When you put God first you actually love each other more completely and see them the way God see’s them.

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    1. Oh my gosh Riley this is such a beautiful beautiful story. So inspiring. You’re absolutely right-when we just let God be God, He will bring into our lives who we’re meant to be with. What a powerful and comforting thought. So glad you’ve found a Christ centered marriage! Thanks again for reading! Hugs and love xox

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  43. I totally loved this post. I feel I can totally relate though we’re not even on the same continent lol. Based on my past experiences, I’ve told myself I won’t jump into any relationship though it seems like everyone around me is dating and having sex and ‘having fun’. It can get you thinking whether you’re making the right choice but I believe at the right time I’ll be with the man He wants me to be with.
    God bless you

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  44. Okay but, see the issue there? Where your #7 is the direct cause of the #5 effect? Where you DON’T want the formality of #9, but somehow want a man to magically drop out of the sky like the 2nd coming? Do you see the impossibility of that social minefield you want another human being to walk through just to get to know you? We ain’t Jesus! He’ll find you where you’re hiding but, can you reasonably expect decent guys to do that past all these artificial courtship gates at every possible introduction? Reverse roles – would YOU do that? (not a rhetorical question)

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    1. Hi Siya, thank you for your reflection. I can see how this seems contradictory. I was simply venting about certain trends that I’ve noticed in NYC. And I will say this: I am open and respectful and friendly to everyone. And I give everyone the time of day. But I am perceptive enough to know when a guy is scamming on me at a bar for “the wrong reasons” and when a guy is simply being socialable and friendly and chatting with the girl next to him waiting in line for the bartender at the bar. There is a huge difference. Not all guys are like the former, of course…but there are enough of those guys out there that it merited a discussion. I hope that makes sense. I’m not some man-hating and judgmental snob-I am open minded and try to see a potential friend in ever encounter I have. I just don’t want to be treated as a piece of meat by the 15% of guys out there that fall into that category. Hope that clarify. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts! I always love a healthy dialogue! ☺️

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  45. When I re-read this piece as a whisper, it makes me feel like you are sharing the most important information that a person could use in this digital age.

    In the last century (ha ha) we used paper and pen and wrote notes in our own handwriting to someone we were interested in without any expectation of sex or drugs. The rock and roll was a given, though. (Notes still have power – yay!)
    🙂

    I am so proud you are grounded. Fortunately, you are being judged **precious** by what you do and not so much by what you wear.
    ❤

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    1. Hi there friend! gosh,thank you for such encouraging words! Oh the power of a note…i think that’s why I still get so excited to get a piece of snail mail that ISN’T a bill!! haha Thanks for this perspective and encouragement! hugs and love to you xox

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  46. Hi Beauty, As an “old” man with 3 marriages under my belt – the last one has now lasted 17 years with 5 good kids to show for it (all under 15!) – I say as loud an AMEN as I can. My wife and I were friends and never dated. She waited 4 1/2 years for me to figure out we were supposed to be together. But God so obviously put us together and the fruit has shown over the years. In your own life, hold on! God’s mate for you is very much worth waiting for even in those darkest of nights where you think nothing is happening or worse, you’re tempted to take a short cut to your dreams. God is preparing your mate too – and he might need even more work than you do! LOL Keep up the good work! In His love, Neil

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    1. Thank you so much, Neil, for this encouragement. It really means a lot. You’re so right- I trust that God is working behind the scenes and preparing my future husband’s heart. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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      1. I did. I have a daughter and I can tell you my concern is great for when she begins dating in the current state of our culture.

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  48. Beebs, you oughta write a post on fate or its twin sister karma aka The Powerlessness of man against Eternal Justice.

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  50. This is so true!! Not just true but what I also believe. It’s a waste of time for both of us to be working. God works while I do the resting.

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