V Card

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

OK. It’s time we talk about virginity.

*Takes a shot of whisky.*

Scratch that.

It’s time we talk about my virginity.

*Takes another shot. Slams down the glass.*

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Ok. Now I feel prepared to take on this topic.

Allow me to set the stage:

Saturday night. 4 am. The sun is just starting to rise and the sky is that dusty heather gray color. NYC looks just like they try to portray it in the movies – a sleeping giant with steep buildings, daring the sun to challenge its dominance.

And I’m bleary eyed, mascara stained, just sobbing. I’m in my pjs. The beautiful, sparkly dress and heels I wore that evening, crumpled in a pile on the floor — along with my dignity.

Pause. NO I did not “do it.” Although, reading that back, it kinda sounds like the beginning of a cheap romance novel. 😛

No. This scene was the result of a very real, very raw, very — vulnerable — conversation.

About…my V card.


Long story short, this guy I’ve been kind of, potentially interested in just straight up asked me about it.

Now, before you get ready to B-Slap him with an attitude, it wasn’t like that. Nothing rude. Nothing invasive.

It was actually very respectful. And he wasn’t trying to pressure me either.

The convo went a little something like this:

“BBB. I don’t understand. Every weekend a different guy tries to take you home, but you never do. Why is that?”

And it wasn’t like I just blurted out…OH, I’M A VIRGIN! With three thumbs up emojis.

No, I’ve known him for 4 years, and it was a long, drawn out convo in the back of the bar, just us. He may have just kissed me. A lady never tells.

But I told him: I’m saving myself for my husband.

And it like, boggled his mind. He was so intrigued by this. So interested. So riveted in the why behind it.

And, as it was last call, we continued the convo into a cab he had hailed to drop me off.

Again, don’t read this through the filter of a serial killer — he’s a gentleman and wanted to drop me off, as it was 4am and a gal in a short dress shouldn’t be walking alone.

But he was literally so fascinated. He couldn’t believe that I was still a virgin.

So you’ve never had sex?

No.

Don’t you want to?

Um, hellooo.

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Our conversation jumped around, between what it means to be in a relationship, what we think about marriage, vulnerabilities, what we believe in. It was all really great…ish.

But the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.

It’s not like I’m ashamed of my decision to wait, I just felt really exposed. Like I was standing in front of a big crowd, unaware that my dress was tucked into my granny panties in the back. I felt stupid.

But he said, “I am just worried that your future husband isn’t going to appreciate what you’re doing. What if he’s not able to give you that back? What if you don’t get that?”

And this, is what sparked this post. This is what made me get up out of bed after crying myself to sleep and write about it.

I think there’s a grave misconception about relationships these days: what are you going to get out of it. 

What’s in it for you? What are you going to get from the marriage or from the relationship?

And that‘s exactly where my decision to remain a virgin stems from.

Because relationships aren’t about what you’re going to get.

They’re about what you can give.

And that’s why I’m waiting. Because I love my future husband enough that I want to save my body and my whole self for him only. I want to give that to him. I’m not expecting to get anything. Would it be amazing if he was waiting too? Yes. But I don’t expect that. What I do expect is that God is preparing the heart of my future husband right this very minute, just as He’s preparing mine.

My parents have been married for 40+ years. And that’s one thing my mother always taught me: relationships are about giving. If you go into it thinking it’s the other way around, you’re going to end up disappointed and hurt.

So how did I end up with tear stains on my pillow after that open and honest communication in the cab?

Well, honestly, I just felt really alone. Not in an Enrique Iglesias Give Me Just One Night kind of way.

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But alone in a misunderstood, foolish, exposed kind of way.

And in some ways I felt like a fraud.

Here’s the thing.

Let’s be honest…there’s a bit of a stereotype about virginity.

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Thanks, Steve Carell.

But, I’m pretty confident. Or at least, I’m good at acting like I’m confident. I enjoy flirting, dancing, wearing the latest fashions.

Frankly, I don’t think I come off as this ankle-length-skirt-with-orthopedic-shoes-wearing-virgin-who-has-6-cats-at-home.

But after revealing my virginity, I felt like somebody stripped away that confident exterior, exposing this inner dweeb that shouldn’t be out socializing because of severe social anxiety and a highly spastic colon or something.

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I feel like from now on, I’m forever going to be seen through the lens of “virgin.”

I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt alone.

And 6 hours later, I still do.

So.

I’m going to get up. Make myself a nice breakfast. And open up God’s love letter to me: the bible.

And I’m going to remind myself that I am not any of those things.

I am not alone: Jesus endured everything we’ve ever gone through, times 100. He was literally stripped down and exposed during the Passion.

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I am not ugly. But I am a handcrafted work of art, created lovingly by the Father.

My virginity is not dumb. It is an act of love to my future husband. One that I should celebrate. Jesus gave Himself fully and completely to His love — us — on the Cross,  so I can do the same for my future love.

Anywho. Thanks for listening.

Gonna go eat pancakes and put on my orthopedic shoes and head gear.

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Byeee

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

991 thoughts on “V Card”

  1. Extremely interesting. I was curious and thought you were going to give a date and name but no you are just you and that is all good:)

    Liked by 3 people

      3. I would ask to meet up on a not busy day for a lunch but I bet you are busy often and I am pretty sure you are in the city:)

        Like

  3. Hey girl! I’m still fairly new to this blogging thing and I absolutely love it. Especially reading yours! When I read this particular post of yours, I couldn’t help but feel the exact emotions and thoughts running through your head! I totally get you and we have the same mindset when it comes to this topic. Either way, I promise you that it’ll be so worth it in the end! Much love to you 💜

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you so much! Aw, that’s so sweet of you to say! It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Thanks for the encouragement. And yay for joining the wonderful and often crazy world of blogging! i look forward to reading more from you! hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, good for you–it takes courage in this day and age to do the right thing like this, and to save yourself like that. And you’re right to remind yourself (and all of us, via your blog) that you’re not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Wow- well done for saving yourself for your future husband! Sometimes its hard to honour god and your future spouse, especially In the world we grow up in today! God will really honour you and your marriage for your decision! Love your blog btw- so inspiring 🙂 xx

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Where is the LOVE button on here? I went through this in my wait-for-a-husband journey too, and I can still feel the pain of what some people said about me and how some people treated me. But now that I’m married, I don’t regret it one bit.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I found myself wondering why you were so insanely popular until I read your stuff. You really get to the heart of things like few bloggers I have read. I like the way you peel back the layers of yourself and then – peek-a-boo – God appears.
        Love, hugs and fluffy teddies to you. 😉

        Like

      2. Oh my gosh, Robert, that seriously means so much. You’ve made me smile this morning so thank you 🙂 And yay for fluffy teddies! haha Never heard that one but I may just have to start using it 🙂 hehe

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hahaha – you probably never heard it before because I just made it up today. 😉
        But you’re most welcome to use it freely and make it your own. My gift to you. 🙂
        Have a safe and beautiful morningdayevening.

        Like

  12. Wonderful post! It can sometimes feel like you’re the only virgin in America (aside from the church crowd). But you know what, you won’t regret this on your wedding day. The right guy will be worth it. Don’t be ashamed. Mature women know their worth, what they stand for, and what they want. God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Emily, that really means a lot. You’re right, it definitely can feel like that. Amen to that though-i know it will be worth it. Thanks for stopping by and for your kind encouragement. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  13. Love, an honest love, will always over shadow sex, an Honest Love will last an eternity, I applaud your actions, they’re kool and rare today,, good for you. I see that you found my new site findinglifescalm, I was glad to see you show up there. If anything, they were started for my daughter’s, and shared with anyone that wants to share both sites. I’m glad you showed up on both, and I did enjoy your post, you keep being you! Take care, and I’m sure there is a heart being made just for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Wow… I cannot even begin to express how I feel after reading this post, inspiring as always (I believe I comment that on every one of your posts – it’s true!). I admire the fact that you are able to stick to your decision and how you feel about sex, despite society’s majority ideas about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there friend, thank you for this beautifully encouraging post. I know! I am so grateful for all your nudges of kindness:) I can’t even begin to express how much I appreciate that. Thanks for being such a good friend:) sending big hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  16. From a woman who did not stay pure, take it from me: those feelings of loneliness and ugliness are far worse once you have caved in. Then they are complicated by a sense of impurity and self-loathing… I did not know the Lord until after I had made a horrid mess of my life. He lifted me up in my brokenness and decay, but I still bear the scars of poor choices.

    I admire you for sharing this, for sticking with it and saving yourself for your future husband. However, I admire you more for seeing through the lie that relationships are about what you are going to get out of it. You nailed the truth there when you said, “They’re about what you can give.”

    You have something precious to give, and you are never alone. Remember Who is always with you even if you walk in valleys of deepest darkness. Keep running your race with endurance!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi HM, thank you so much for sharing this. And for your words of encouragement. You’re so right-life is an endurance test and a long one at that. Isn’t God amazing how He can heal us and bring us to new life? So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

      Like

      1. God really is amazing. He has done so much for me when I gave Him so little reason to… I would also like to tell you that I struggled with the same disorder when I was young, but so much time and healing has elapsed now, thanks be to God, it is never an issue anymore. Praying for you as you fight the good fight! ❤

        Like

  17. Absolutely delightfully savored and will share this. Why because every young person needs to hear this so they can endure until they meet their helpmates. This is a perfect piece for young people to read, even if they fall. God loves us enough to forgive us — ONCE WE KNOW! I’m about to adopt a teen…I need to expose her to truth and encourage her to keep herself despite all she has experienced thus far. Excellent piece!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words. Amen to that – His forgiveness is truly amazing and it brings me to my knees. Wow! That is so beautiful that you’re adopting a teen. That is such a powerful thing to do. I will keep you and your growing family in my prayers. You are amazing. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  18. Gorgeous post. I waited until I was married also, at the age of 26. It was hard to wait. I am so glad I did. My husband had a very hard time believing me because it’s completely out of the norm.’ I used to be very private about it, almost ashamed. Towards the end, I became proud. I was strong. Be proud! So many young girls have sex because they just want to feel loved or because their friends are doing it. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you. People may try to make you feel bad about this decision, but I feel like those people aren’t worth knowing. Stay strong, stay confident! Be proud!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Alison, thank you so much for sharing this. I really appreciate your encouragement. Seriously, it means so much to know you’re in my corner and have my back 🙂 so thank you. And what a beautiful love story you have with your husband. So inspiring! Thanks again for stopping by! hugs and love xox

      Like

  19. Growing up, my dad often said, “Observe what the masses do and do the opposite.” Not to push the limits, rather going in the opposite direction takes strength and protects something that would otherwise be lost in the great vastness of going with the crowd.
    We live in a world that gets very dark and whose outlook can seem grim. But the truth is clear in John 1:5 “the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.”
    Thanks BBB for sharing and being so vulnerable. You’re right, relationships are about giving, and your husband will be grateful for your perseverance in the pursuit of purity.
    Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow thank you for this beautiful reflection. Your dad sounds like a smart man. So true though-I love that verse. There is light to be had. Sometimes it may seem hard to find, especially given current recent events, but that’s just all the more reason we need to seek His face and cling to that light. Thanks again for these incredibly kind and uplifting words. Sending a big hug xox

      Like

  21. Well done for being strong in a broken world and for being you at the same time. Yes it is hard, I waited till I was 32 and it was worth it. My husband and I grew in love together and gave each other ourselves totally intact. It is possible. I have tried to give my girls that upbringing but it is hard when so much is thrust in front of them on the TV. It takes a strong person to say ‘no’ and to stand up to the ways of the world. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I have 5 daughters!!! I love the truth in what you have shared and the integrity in which you have determined is due to living a life for the Lord! Keep the faith! God will send you an amazing husband!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Your reason for wanting to remain a virgin has sincerely made me see waiting in a different light. It’s also about being willing like I’ve learnt from your blog post. Wanting to give someone you will spend the rest of your life with a gift even before meeting him without expecting the same. This post gives love a meaning.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Naomi, I’m so glad it gave you a new perspective. 🙂 Waiting is definitely difficult, but knowing that it will all be worth it one day makes it a little easier to bear. Thank you for you kind encouragement and for reading my posts this evening. You’re wonderful 🙂 Sending hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Sweetpea, I just have to respond to this. When dinosaurs roamed the earth, I did exactly the same thing. I’m 52 now, and I was determined to present myself to my husband the same way. I thought the same thing- How cool would it be if my husband was reserving himself for me?
    The man I married was about as far from God’s best for us as possible. He was molested repeatedly by his dad. He was molested by other boys. He had a very, very hard time regarding sexual issues, and his recovery was as intense as yours.
    He was my best friend, a powerful man of God, and would sometimes lean on my sexual health for the powerful support that it was.
    BBB, understand how powerful and how sexually attractive you really are. When you meet the man God has planned for you, you will be disease-free. You will be baggage-free. Sex will be for you like it was for me- candy to a child. Your husband may or may not be in the same position. If he comes with issues, like mine did, your virginity will likely be the most powerful support and gift you can possibly give his healing. Praying for you over here. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Victoria, wow thank you so much for sharing this. What a powerful testimony of love you and your husband have. I’m so sorry that he had to endure that growing up. It just breaks my heart that he wasn’t protected and cherished and respected like he deserved to be as a child. He did not deserve that. He’s lucky to have you as his wife. Your love for him is very evident and very powerful. You’re an inspiration. Thank you for the encouragement and prayers. Praying for you too:) Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  30. BBB,
    I am 18 and made the same choice several years ago. I completely understand what you mean by feeling alone in this decision- I never really talk about it because I feel like people just won’t get it. They will immediately assume something must be wrong with me or I am lying or that I’m a closet lesbian. This one guy I knew actually told me I was brainwashed by my parents and I didn’t know how to make my own choices. It is so encouraging to know that I’m not the only one- I hope that you know that too. Ultimately, I have seen time and time again that waiting till marriage is the best choice for me and my future husband. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend! Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so glad you can relate. You’re right, at the end of the day, it’s your decision and no one can pressure you. It’s nice to know I’m not alone:) sending you the biggest hugs. Just shrug off those people who may say negative things-you’re following what you believe and that’s what’s important:) Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  33. I love this so much!! Thank you for sharing this it was a great reminder in my chose of purity and I think you exposing yourself was amazing cause otherwise you wouldn’t be able to share it to all these people who needed to here it.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Save your V-card AND your viginity because it is GOOD for you, not just because God commands it and saving yourself for your husband honors Him, but premarital-sex cheapens sex, it cheapens you and it cheapens him. Sex isn’t supposed to be a “commodity” or a “bargaining-chip”. Every time you have sex with a different person you leave a piece of “you” behind, as do they, so “you” are incomplete because those “pieces” can’t be “replaced”. Sex is supposed to be the ultimate “one-flesh” relationship. Tim LaHaye called sex “The Act of Marriage”, and another Christian author called sex a “covenant-renewal-ceremony”.

    Your V-card and your virginity should be a “badge of honor”, something you surrender to your husband, NOT some “badge of shame” because you have been a “good-girl”. My first wife WAS a virgin, but I wasn’t, and I have wished ever-since that I had kept myself for her, but I can’t turn back the calendar. Just because she was a virgin DIDN’T mean that she was sexually-ignorant. Far from it, because she grew up on a farm in the 50’s and 60’s before the advent of indoor-plumbing.

    There is never a “right” time to make a “wrong” decision, but the time is ALWAYS “right” to make the “right” decision, even if it is “inconvenient”. A man who tries to pressure or shame you into sex is NOT worthy of you, because he doesn’t respect either you or himself. Blessings as you move forward in honor.

    Steve

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this kind comment, Steve. I can’t begin to tell you how much it means. So thank you. What a beautiful love story you and your wife have. Thank you for sharing that. you’ve really encouraged and inspired me this morning, so thank you. hugs and love xo

      Like

  41. I enjoyed Reading your post. You’re not alone! I’m in the same boat with you! Thank you for reminding me something in your post. I pray God blesses you with a loving husband! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  43. So proud of you. NOTHING to be ashamed of. Be proud that you are honoring God, honoring your husband. Stand firm. I was 27 when I got married and I was a virgin. Didn’t kill me to wait and I was so proud to offer that gift to him!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Hi! I can’t believe you like save2secure.wordpress.com blog. I have just started this thing and I so much want to thank you for the like. It is not fully operation yet but you have encouraged me to proceed.

    Thank you so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  46. We live in a culture (in the West) which throws sex at us from every angle these days in the media…it has got to the point where people are obsessed by it at times which is ridiculous. In other words, whether you wait for marriage or not is up to the individual…and if people don’t want to respect that (or any other opinion you might have), they are probably not your friends. Great of you to be open about discussing it.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Really brave of you to tell this story. I WISH that I had held onto my V-Card but it was taken from me aged fourteen by peer pressure. Hang on in there because you are 100% right in the fact that relationships are about giving. I give all of me in my relationships because I don’t have enough self-esteem to take from which ever partner I’m with at the time. On the other hand, if you ever feel like taking the plunge, there is no shame at all and the whole of man kind would understand. And the lucky fella would be over the moon 😉 love Em xx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. No problem, aww thanks so much! If you ever need a chat anytime day or night my kik is emziegrace. We all need to support one another when we’ve been stuck in the system! Xx

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