Big Announcement

I had a really interesting experience last night.

In case you haven’t heard, NYC is smack dab in the middle of a full on heat wave.

Like, it is H.O.T.

Not even the shade Kimye has been throwing Taylor Swift recently could cool things off in the concrete jungle.

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It’s sticky. Muggy. And humid. With no relief in sight.

And that means only one thing:

It’s time to get crazy. 😉

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But for real though, bring on the frozen margs. 🙂

So in true Manhattan fashion, my friends threw a rooftop party last night, because, apparently masochism is a thing now.

JK JK, it was actually quite pleasant, once you came to terms with the fact that you weren’t leaving without sweat stains and frizzy hair.

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But at this little soiree I ended up having a really interesting conversation with a guy I had just met.

Maybe it was the fact that I had drank 2 vodka/sodas, or the fact that the guy was happily married, so there was no pressure to impress him, but I basically ended up telling him my entire life story.

Now before I go on, let me just say three things: First, this is suuuuuper unlike me. I very rarely talk about myself. Especially not with people I have just met. Secondly, I don’t want to give you the impression that I had this guy cornered and was like, word vomiting all over this poor guy. He was the one driving the conversation and asking questions and keeping it rolling. And Thirdly, this was in no way a romantic/scandalous situation. Yes, he was married. No, he was not hitting on me. No, I was not flirting/trying to flirt with him. We were two young adults having a conversation.

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So back to the story:

I literally told him everything. (Minus the anorexia in my past). But I told him about my faith, about the year I was on bedrest from my Ulcerative Colitis, about my thoughts on the hookup dating culture, about politics (eek!) — I even told him about the year I was the president of my sorority in college. (I don’t even think I’ve written about that on here yet, but goodness gracious is that a doosey!)

Long story short, I really opened up to this young man.

And thinking back this morning about that evening, I was shocked with how transparent I was.

But there was something that he said to me at the end of the night that stuck with me.

He said, “Wow, you were definitely not how I expected you to be.”

And when he said this, I paused, and took it in, but I didn’t ask him to elaborate on it.

Because, the truth is, that’s not the first time someone has said that to me.

I can probably recall 10+ times when I’ve met someone, and they’ve told me at the end of the encounter, “I totally thought you were going to be a b*tch.”

And every time, I kind of half-laugh, and go…”Thank you?”

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But let’s face it: at first glance, you could probably make that snap judgment about me. Last night, I was wearing short shorts, wedges and a fashionable tank, while drinking a vodka soda.

I went through sorority recruitment. Believe me, I know how that reads.

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But, as with everyone, there is more than what meets the eye.

Looking back at that night, I am so grateful to that guy for allowing me to open up. That was a gift: Allowing me to share who I am. What I believe. What I’ve been through. And accepting me.

Showing who you are is really scary. And to have someone receive that without judgement or criticism – it’s really a beautiful and selfless thing.

And I think that’s why this whole blogging adventure has been so life-giving. The love and acceptance and support YOU have offered has touched my heart so much and been so healing, I can’t express the gratitude I have for you, reading this.

But as I’ve talked about in recent posts, I’m slowly coming to realize that who I am is okay.


My story does not make me unlovable.

My past is a part of who I am that has shaped who I am today. And I’m getting more and more comfortable sharing that with people.

In fact, I almost want to.

Which leads me to my announcement.

When I was home, I got an early birthday present. A camera.

And….

I can’t believe I’m about to type this…

But I think I’m finally ready, after a year and a half of blogging, to share who I am.

Because, I realize that that is the last and final step in the journey of self love.

When I can say that, Yes, I have all these broken pieces in my past, but I accept and love myself anyways. I am willing to take ownership of my history and the not-so-pretty parts of it, because that is not where my worth comes from. My worth comes from God making me, and Jesus dying for me. 


So…that camera…

I’m going to make a video, formally introducing myself. To you. Who, like this young man last night, have been so open and receptive to the bumbling, mess of a human I am.

I want you to know me. Because I’m finally ready to own up to all of me. All the gross, painful, and less-than-lovely parts of my past. God has forgiven me of all of it. And accepts and loves me just the same. It’s time I do too.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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317 responses to “Big Announcement”

  4. That’s exciting! I so appreciate your candor. I have not been quite as brave as you but I am about to be! more books coming! and more transparency! thank You for sharing with us. And I”ll be pleased to meet you!

    I had such a hard road, like you said God has forgiven us. Amen! (and loved us all the way through it!)

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  6. I was reading through your post and listening to a podcast at the same time. When I got to the camera part, I had to turn the podcast off so I could put all my focus on what you were writing. Yay!! Do it!! Looking forward to the whole you!!

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  7. I am so proud of you! Letting ones guard down is not easy, you took such a huge step! Give yourself a hug! Cannot wait to learn more about you and who you are. Thanks for inspiring others, keep it up, we love the YOU that you’re allowing us to get to know ❤️

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  8. what part of the blog ‘introduced’ yourself authentically to us? Did I miss something? (and I do not mean this sarcastically) I have exercise bulimia and at 55 now have chronic pain from all the self injury. But still, sometimes the exercise bulimia…even when it’s not initiatied with a food binge, it rears up and I self injure again and the pain comes screaming back. And it’s soo many things to keep track of. How many drinks I had, how many minutes more I swam (a half hour more) than I should have, how late I stayed up and last but not least, if I isolated and or how many hours I sat in the chair straining my low back. If I get ‘mindless’ and let stuff go, I act out on myself. Anyway, what did that guy think you were? Did he tell you? Did you ever tell him about the anorexia? I was more of a foodbinge/exercisepurgeer but after multiple ortho surgeries when I couldn’t work out, I would get anorexic. Eating disorders are hard to get over because everyone pays lip service and does nothing.

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    • Hi friend, I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through that. You’re right, Ed definitely takes a toll on the body and I’m sorry that you’ve experienced that firsthand. I guess when I say introduce myself, I mean reveal my identity. I have been completely authentic, but haven’t shared my full appearance or name. Hope that clarifies. Hugs and love xox

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  10. Congratulations! In a small way, I think I know where you’re coming from. It took me a while to write under my real name instead of just pseudonyms. I had to learn to be kind to myself–kind enough to accept myself, warts and all. Kind enough to realize that it’s okay if everything I write isn’t stunningly brilliant, lol. So far, the journey has been worthwhile.

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  11. I love the way you write! That’s so cool that you got to open up to a stranger. Maybe you felt like he wouldn’t have a biased opinion since he doesn’t know you. Or that you’d never see him again so if he judges you, oh well! Lol! I have been having the complete opposite problem…I’ve been finding it hard to express my emotions lately! It’s like I open my mouth to talk and nothing comes out. I don’t even know where to begin explaining my life because it’s so CRAY! Lol…I’m excited to read about the real you! Yay!

    Sabrina from The Daydream Mango

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    • Thanks Sabrina! You’re so kind:) I know! I was a fun encounter. Yeah I think there was a little of that going on! Haha thanks for the encouragement. Sending big hugs xox

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  15. I’ve lived my life here…. I remember back to my mother warning me about hippies… I’m not a hippie but I’m totally liberal… Far out man…peace

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  17. “Showing who you are is really scary. And to have someone receive that without judgement or criticism – it’s really a beautiful and selfless thing.”

    I loved that part especially.

    I’m in that phase of life where I’m acknowledging/accepting/appreciating not just who I am, but also who I’m not.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    🙂

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  21. Great stuff, looking forward to your video! I’m shocked that I haven’t asked you to be apsrt of my ongoing video project, #ThoughtsHeChanged, but if anything I’ll email you about that.

    This is great!

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  24. That is an awesome story. It is amazing how some people are just like that – They can make a person just open up and talk about everything. And just so you know -> “…I had this guy cornered and was like, word vomiting all over this poor guy.” Oh my gosh! The mental image I had for that line cracked me up. 😀

    As for the video, that’s a great idea. Congrats on finding the courage to jump that ravine. It will be totally awesome.

    May God bless you always with happiness and peace.

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  25. “If you confess to God, you become forgiven. If you confess to others, you become healed.” – Unknown
    I’ve always found a lot of truth in that!

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  27. I love reading your blog. You just touched on something God has shown me about myself. Take ownership of who I am the good, the bad and the ugly! Thank you so much for sharing!

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    • Thank you so much Elizabeth. I am so glad you enjoy my blog. That seriously brings my heart so much joy! Amen to that – He loves every part of us! hugs to you friend xox

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  28. Yay! I can’t wait to meet ‘you’! You’ve bared your soul on BBB, I’m sure a lot of us feel like we ‘know’ you so well already. What a privilege. X

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  29. Great post! Proud of you. I too have had several people judge me for actually getting to know me. Similarly based on my looks and upbringing. Can’t wait to see the video 😘❤️👍🏻👏🏻

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    • Thanks Kristy! Aw that’s so kind of you to say. Yeah, it’s not a good feeling. It was their loss for missing out on a great person with a beautiful heart! Hugs and love xox

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  30. Honestly, your blog has blessed me and my family beyond belief. And watching you grow & mature has been quite the adventure. As you learn, I’ve learned from you. Thank you so much for sharing that!

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    • oh my gosh you seriously have no idea how much this has touched my heart. Thank you for being such a kind source of encouragement and support. You are a blessing. Thanks for taking the journey with me. hugs and love xox

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  32. A beautiful post. I especially find resonant meaning with your aim and ambition to own up to all the parts of yourself, verily, your self. What strikes me powerfully about this, what I consider to be an essential element of the human labor of life and self-love, stems from what I have come to know and believe from my own experience. That is, owning up to all parts of me hasn’t been a once-achieved-and-done deal. Rather I have needed to do it again and again as I discover something new about me or at least discern a new or other way to understand what I already thought I’d understood about me. And sometimes I’ve backtracked and half-stepped, for one of the easiest things I’ve found myself doing/repeating is old self-defeating behavior. Thank God (literally) that, as you say, my worth is wrought in my creation by God and salvation in Jesus. For even when I vacillate, God remains faithfully constant. Again, thank God. And thank you

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    • Hi Paul, thank you so much for this powerful comment. You speak a lot of wisdom. You’re right, we’ve got to consciously accept ourselves – all of ourselves – each and every day! Thanks for reading and sharing this. amen to that – God is good. hugs and love xox

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  33. You go girl. Sending love and blessings to you in this process of opening. My spiritual teacher J-R has said “Perfect vulnerability is perfect protection.” So many hugs your way!!! <3
    You can do it. You are doing it already.

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  36. I think that’s great. You shared so much of your story already they were only here to support you. Not to mention the formality how you incorporate God into your life. You totally right God has given us so much love and life it’s sometimes we feel Unworthy of it. I know I didn’t when I went through my eating disorder and I questioned a lot of things. But I’ll tell you the truth even when I was unsafe I still felt the necessity to pray in any situation where there’s happy sad or in between. It’s that kind of prayer through humility the Lord continue to work with me even though I was on the stage at the time I can tell you from experience that if you look to the Lord long enough he will pull you out not just 1 Valley but many valleys. I’m thankful to the Lord today for his hand ever so being on my life. With God all things are possible and I want you to know this and have full assurance that the lord loves you with an everlasting love and we love your writings should keep at it.

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      • Dear BBB you and I are parallel to each other it’s very strange but comforting to know I’m not the only weirdo that loves to write. I have to admit and I’ve said this many times in the past that you were perhaps my favorite blogger. I will tell you the truth in all things legally I have to because I’m a journalist. I love your writing because it reminds me the passion that I have for writing. and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but I can see right through your writing. What I mean by that is I can see the vulnerability I can see the pain but I can also see the confidence and courage that you display when talking about God and this pleases me. I myself like to write as well but when I write these days it’s like I become a different person in a good way of course this comes from a guy who used to believe in the theatrics and antics of sports entertainment. I know what it’s like to hit the reprogram button one of these days I’m going to talk about reprogramming your mind I have a very simple method in doing just that the answer is simple really submersion in the word of God. If you surround your mind with the word of God the world will have no time to entertain you. focus on whatsoever things are pure whatsoever things are lovely whatsoever things are of good report whatsoever things are true whatsoever things are honest whatsoever things are just if there be any virtue if there be any praise think on these things. If the world tells you how to act no pun intended look in the mirror of God’s word my apologies for writing you a book in the comment section.

      • Hey friend, thank you so much for this beautiful note of encouragement. I love that verse. I have it up on my wall…to think on those things. Sending big big hugs xox

      • Dear boss lady. I’m working on a very special subject. It’s going to take me sometime to put it into my blog but the majority of writing is complete. Once it is complete I urge you to check it out. I think you would rather enjoy it I would give you a hint but I don’t want to spoil my creativity.

  37. Wonderful! I can only imagine this removing the veil is a major achievement in your recovery.

    Your words have been powerfully influential to so many people. Your words of grace have expressed the beauty of God’s love poured into your heart. These words have brought hope to so many people. They have built people up, as Paul would say.

    So, thanks for trusting us (the WordPress community) and for allowing us to express God’s grace to you!

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    • Oh my gosh, what a beautiful note of encouragement. Thank YOU for being so accepting and supportive and creating an environment that has allowed me to open up. I am grateful. So so very grateful. sending massive hugs xox

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  38. What a wonderful evening and story you shared with us. So proud of you and your strength and look forward to seeing the video. I feel like this is a huge step for you, we’re all here trusting and cheering you on. Hugs xox

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  39. where you wrote “God has forgiven me of all of it. And accepts and loves me just the same. It’s time I do too.” i feel as though im reading what god is doing in my life right now, like he’s telling me through you this is where im at right now, knowing im forgiven has been a major thing for me and i have often neglected believing that im forgiven i know it but just simply accepting it has been a struggle in times past but im now believing it better than i have before and its so much better because it can make sense of the non sensical, i hope you find your joy in being yourself, you are loved and you are a very open and intimate in your thoughts which helps my heart feel like its attempting to be on a deeper relational level towards you its like im getting to know you without actually being in your company, i havent knowingly experienced things like i have reading your blog on other peoples websites, its definitely a new experience for me encountering your blog and the way you express yourself. thank you.

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    • Hi Michael, thank you so much for this. Gosh, I am so touched by your words. I am so grateful to be on this journey with you! I so appreciate your encouragement. God is good and I trust in his path. Sending the biggest hugs and love xox

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  40. Beauty! I understand how this is a big step for you, owning up to who you are, your whole face 🙂 and your name. I think it’s great, especially if it’s a video and not stills.

    But I know your story better than the guy last night. I’ve seen enough of your face that I think I could pick you out in a crowd. I’ve even heard you sing and, thanks to that interview, talk. Just because I haven’ seen your whole face in one shot or known the name your parents gave you, I know YOU. I think everyone who reads this does.

    I will look forward to this complete sight of you. It’ll be interesting to know your name. But to me you will always be Beauty; the Tiffany lamp with Jesus’ light shining through your stained glass. The young woman who was brave enough to let Jesus do what she thought she alone had to do. You’re the inspiration, the example of how we should all fearlessly proclaim His truth and power.

    So bring it, Beauty! Let us see the tiniest bit of you that you’ve held back after baring your soul. Put the Star atop the tree of lights that is you. Put the very last piece in place to complete the picture we already see and understand and love. Then stop, be quiet, and hear the applause that is yours.

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    • Jeffrey. Wow. What an incredibly beautiful note. I am crying right now, reading your words of support and friendship and encouragement and just care. I know I’ve told you time and again, but you have been such a bright spot in my day and in my life and i am so thankful that our paths have crossed on this crazy and wacky world of blogs! You have nudged me along, every step of the way, knowing just what i needed to hear to reassure me and give me hope and care. That is your gift. (Among many..I mean, hello: what a talented writer you are!) I’m getting rambly now…Thank you, Jeff. From the bottom of my heart, for being my friend. Big big hugs to you and yours. xoxox

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      • Well, you weren’t supposed to cry… Sorry ’bout that! 🙂 You have been as important to me. All of the time I spend on the road, especially when I first started reading you, I looked forward to spending time on your site. I’d read how doggedly pursued your recovery, how relentlessly you preach Jesus’ saving grace. You’ve been food for my soul all along. What was it we talked about some time back; Running a Surplus? We keep giving, unable to keep up with what we get back.

        Dry your tears, close your eyes, smile your Beauty smile, and sleep well. 🙂

  41. Oh my gosh! This is so exciting!!!!!!!!! 😀 😀 😀
    I’m so glad you’ve finally found yourself accepting wholeheartedly who you are.
    It makes me anticipate the day when I can achieve the same thing.
    Your post has shown me how to work up the courage so that I can open up in front of people a little bit more, without hiding things about myself that I don’t like.
    Just beautiful! I can’t wait to see the video. 😉

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  42. I don’t know you at all really. Just started posting here today. But what I’ve seen so far is an angel woman! And I’m talking about the inside. Your faith is impressive. And interacting gave me a lift today when I needed it. We have a heat wave in Toronto too. And stuck up in the house can be a drag. So i walked. And I really believe your presence gave me a lift. Think it crazy but I believe souls can interact/help at a distance in all directions. Some can bring us down too. But I wasn’t getting that from you today. Or so I believe… after all, no one can really prove this stuff.

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  43. Oh, how awesome! I can’t wait to get to “know” you better. This is such a cool story, girl, and thanks for sharing. <3 It means so much to me (and I assume to everyone else as well) that you take the time to respond to all your comments, like so many other peoples' posts, and be so transparent and friendly with all of us. You're amazing.

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    • awwww thank you Jessica❤️ I so appreciate all the kindness and support you consistently give. You are a blessing and I am grateful for you!! Hugs and love xox

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  46. I’ve been reading your blog since I recently started mine so pretty new to this blogging thing. Just to say, your strength is incredible and making that video isn’t going to be an easy thing but it’ll be amazing to see and to learn more of who you are.

    There’s some days your posts have been truly what I’ve needed to read and super uplifting so thank you. Keep smiling and looking forward to future posts.
    MM xxx

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  47. Sweet! I’m excited to put a voice to the words! 🙂 Congrats on taking a step forward and next time you need a marg buddy, let me know. I’ll drive the 10 or so hours to hang. 🙂

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  48. What a wonderful party that must have been!! Yeah, Saturday was quite the heat event too!! You are a wonderful person and it has been beautiful getting to know you from your writings. I have no doubt your video will be fantastic, and give even more about what you want to share with all who are listening/reading/watching. Sending much love and check out my pix at your fb inbox. xoxoxoxoxo <3 <3 <3

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  50. It’s Tom again!

    It sounds like you had a great time! Here in Omaha, it’s been EXTREMELY HOT! We’re talking with the humidity, the temp outside was 108 and degrees some days! Definitely the toughest part is trying to just stay cool but still do my job.

    But beyond that, I look forward to seeing and learning more about you and your story. Our testimony in Christ is to show where we came from and how Christ has used us through all of it to become more like Him and to have an even closer relationship because of it. By telling us more about yourself, you are letting go more of the past that is holding you back–it’s tough revealing yourself to strangers–who knows how they will respond? But like Paul, we should strain to the goal that is sanctification in Christ! The author of Hebrews says that we should lay aside everything that is a hindrance to our pursuit of Christ, and then like Paul, make our lives known to the whole world so that they may understand and know the love of Christ. Take a look at what he wrote in Philippians 3:1-21, and see how he just lays bare his life.

    You are a beautiful person inside and out–just the way God meant you to be, and looking forward to getting to know you more through your videos! Hope you’re having a great evening, and sounds like you had a great start to the week! Let me know anytime how I can be praying for you though!

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  52. Yeah, so after reading all of the Oscar worthy comments regarding your post and revealing… I got nothing. They have said it all! Carry on and know that God will always walk with you on your journey 🙂

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  57. Hmm you were back in ny, had a party and didn’t invite me? I’ve been spending most of my time outdoors except the last four days. Tomorrow is close to 100. I have tests but I’m trying to get sun. Frozen margaritas sounded nice. I like the yards in many places as long as they’re made right.

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  61. Sending you SO Much LOVE!!! (((hugs))) I can’t wait to “meet” you! 🙂 I must say your blog is quite inspiring, and I appreciate the work and honesty you put in it. Your heart is open, and it’s a source of healing and inspiration to others. Keep it up love! 🙂

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  64. Hi BBB, I like the most when you say you dont elaborate his answer. I think this is the best part of you… And I do believe that, it’s okay if most of the time we become vulnerable, as long as we know the most important thing is; to be our own selves & walk our talk. 

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    • Hi Laura! awwww you’re making me blush 🙂 hehe seriously though, thank you for this beautiful encouragement. You’ve made my heart all warm inside 🙂 hehe (((I’m such a nerd!!!))) lol sending big big hugs xox

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  71. I thinks it’s amazing how God can just take us as we are, fully knowing all the ugliness in our hearts; yet we constantly choose to remember and dwell on the past as something that keeps us filthy. We are made beautiful and new in Him. I too struggle with ‘me’ now and the ‘me’ of 10 years ago. Our past has shaped who we’ve become and though it’s not oretty it’s still a part of us. As always there’s so much to learn from your posts and your transparency. I can’t wait to see more of you!

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    • Hi Tatiana! Aw thank you so much. Yes! Isn’t His love and mercy amazing! I have to constantly remind myself to love in that love. Thanks for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

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  72. One of the things I’ve loved about the midwest, having moved here from the deep deep south, is the cooler summers. Not so much right now! At times I go outside and feel like I am back home in the muggy Louisiana heat. Anyways, I’ve just started reading your blog but I am glad you are finding a space to be yourself. I could fill this comment with spiritual platitudes and verses but I am sure you know those. As you take this next step and make a video, stand in knowing that He who makes the water run is guiding you and making you new. He is the one who give you worth, value and beauty. As a side note, I wore 30′ Jenkos in H.S. with a chain wallet and had many many people make assumptions about who and what I was. I feel Ya. Thanks for sharing your journey.

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    • Thanks Joshua:) I really appreciate your kind comment. I’m a Midwest gal myself, and yes there’s lots to love about it:) hope you stay cool!! Hugs and love xox

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  73. I’m so proud of you ❤️ God’s nuts about you just the way you are ❤️😊 Excited for you to grow in loving yourself!! You got this, girl! 😘

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  74. Oh, BBB, I’ve got tears in my eyes! I’m so thrilled for you. God is so good. Honestly, I have wondered if you were one of the girls at SheSpeaks16 this past weekend, or if you’ll be at Declare this coming weekend, because you are so present in and among Christian bloggers. Christ in you, the hope of glory!

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    • Aw thank you Teresa! You are so sweet. Thank you for your encouraging and kind words. Amen to that! God is so so good! Those events sound incredible. I would love and be honored to be hooked up with them! Hugs and love xox

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  75. Thank you for sharing. That is my goal with blogging as well (just started a few months ago), to just share who I really am as I make my way through life. I’m learning to fully accept my flaws as I evolve into what God wants me to be. Stay cool!

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  76. You really are a thinker. The wisdom that comes from above. This scripture came right to mind after reading your blog. Colossians 1:27 For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory. ( NLT ) Sometimes we forget that we carry the Life Breather Himself and hold back because of our own weaknesses and fears. If I had heard what you did for work and where you live I would have conjured up an image of someone shallow and living on the approval of others. How wrong I would have been. Bad me. I really need to listen to what Jesus has to say about someone. I’m sure He is quite happy that you let Him out in your/his life. Bless you.

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  77. Thank you so much for sharing with us a bit of who you are, which is far more than just okay! You, my dear, are beautiful & a true inspiration! I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember, and after my mom died I found comfort in food, which is not healthy, and led to me gaining most of the weight that I lost early last year. So now I’m getting back on track, but it’s hard, and it’s something I don’t feel comfortable talking about because I’m so disgusted with myself, and I feel so ugly! But, I should put myself out there and welcome the support, just as you have! Thanks again, you truly are an inspiration!!

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  81. Sometimes we are given the opportunity to reveal our true selves in order to know that we are really alright. You are really all right even with your past. Anybody who chooses Jesus to be their Savior is all right! Everybody has a past, but they don’t have to be ashamed of it because Jesus has delivered us from our past. We are free in Jesus. Old things have passed away–behold all things have come new!

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  83. Good post. The word that comes to me is, “Brave.” Some might say, “What’s the big deal?” But when self love is honestly addressed in the light of Jesus’ love, sharing your life with a cam is brave. Congrats!

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  84. Great post 🙂 I am glad you are that you are starting to get comfortable accepting every aspect of your life positive and negative and past and present 🙂 Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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  85. Loved this! I was hoping you were going to say you shared your anorexia background. I’ve never opened up to anyone about that, let alone a complete stranger. But congrats and thanks for sharing.

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    • Thanks friend 🙂 one day maybe I’ll work up to that. I’ve only shared that with two people who didn’t live through it with me. Those were scary conversations lol thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  86. I think people actually want others to be honest, open, and say what’s on your mind…not in a judgemental way or an Im on the Jesus team you’re on the sinner going to hell team sort of way either. Congratulations on the camera. Look forward to seeing what you do with it for your blog. 😀

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  90. I applaud your courage and your transparency. It is so often difficult to take off our masks, and allow others to see what is behind them. Eventually, carrying around those masks becomes a burden almost as heavy as the ones that make you pick them up in the first place, because there are so many of them. Feeling frightened, put on the fearless face. Self consciousness or uncertainty are no problem. I have a cocky, self assured mask to cover those. Indifference covers shame pretty well. Hurt, that one is easy, nobody can see thru the well worn angry mask.

    Then you have all the partial masks, each one transparent in areas, but obscuring the whole. I want you to see this part of me, but hide another, so not only do you have a mask for each feeling, you start carrying masks for each person in your life.

    All things considered, it is pretty exhausting. Good for you for laying them down.

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  91. That’s funny! I think younger guys are quick to make that “I thought you’d be a bitch” snap judgement because they haven’t gone out of their way to talk to women who “look like bitches”. I used to think like that as well and then I took a job which required me to talk to everyone… not sales or anything… just shooting the breeze. I found that MOST people are actually pretty cool and just want someone to notice that they exist and to connect with. I’m not normally an outgoing person by any means so I don’t practice this much these days but the lesson stuck with me.

    The only women (and men) I think look like “bitches” these days are the ones who never smile and have some snippy negative crap to say to you whenever you try to talk to them. Actual bitches. 🙂

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  92. 🙂 I look forward to the video. I’m like that guy. At get-togethers, I usually end up talking with one person and prompting them to tell me their life story. Its usually a beautiful experience for me and nobody is ever who I imagined them to be.

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  94. Thank you for sharing this, I loved it! Sharing who you are with the world can be scary, I felt exactly the same writing my last post! I’ve only just begun my blogging life and it’s so inspiring to read other peoples stories, writing really does help to heal the soul! 🙂

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  96. Reading this brought me so much joy, not because I’m excited to know who you are (I feel like I already do!), but because I am so happy for the freedom that it will bring you. He is so good!

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    • Thank you so much Bridgette! Amen to that – He is SO good! You’re so sweet for saying that 🙂 Thanks for stopping by! have a great evening! hugs and love xox

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  99. Just beautiful… May his Peace & Love follow you everywhere you go…
    You go girl! 🙂

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  100. This was a fun post to read… It felt like the caterpillar had been in the cocoon long enough and the butterfly is about to be born. Looking forward to seeing you spread your wings. 🙂

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  101. I had wondered if it was just my imagination that your pictures were showing more of you. Bravo!!!

    On one hand, I tend to have my best conversations with married women because I’m not trying to impress them, because they’re safe. So that aspect I totally understand.

    We are always our own worst critics. You’ve a far healthier attitude about yourself than I do about myself. Same God. Same sacrifice. Same forgiveness….just not as well sunken in and accepted as yours is. We know it’s the voice of the fallen one, tormenting us, like Screwtape. But I’m glad that THIS time, for whatever reason, you HEARD that affirmation and listened to it. That you accepted what Christ knows, that you are beautiful in His eyes. And in ours.

    Take your time on the video…don’t be perfectionistic but be comfortable with the introduction. And know that we on this side of the electrons will appreciate and love you only more for it
    cheers!

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    • Aw thank you. Your words really spoke to me. You’re right-you know me too well-I’m really having to fight the perfectionist in me. I did a “test shoot” to try out the camera and I didn’t really do my make up or put effort into my outfit or anything, but I think I may just use the footage. Because…it doesn’t heave to be perfect:) so thanks for saying that. Great reminder. Hugs and love xox

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  102. Personally, I really like the bumbling, mess of a human you are! Even the old man that I am, we have something in common as well as our Lord! God bless you BBB!

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  104. i will cover you in prayer as you prepare for your reveal as Satan usually attacks us the most (with fear & self-doubt to name a few,) as we are preparing to do ‘good works’ for Him! And I feel as if that is EXACTLY what you are about to do! Your profession of ‘who you are’ will mean so much more than just a ‘name to a face’; but rather a brave proclamation to say: “I am His! Made in His likeness and His image!” And how beautiful that will be…beyond your bones taken from Adam… because lest we not forget…God doesn’t make junk, because God never makes mistakes! Hugs & Blessings to you as you continue to be Brave!!

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    • Thanks Dawn! I really appreciate your prayers. And that is so true. But God is greater! I will rest in His peace. Amen to that-he does NOT make mistakes! Thanks for this beautiful encouragement tonight. It was just what I needed. Hugs and love xox

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  106. Each and every time you post, I marvel at how beautiful you are and how far you have come from your first post. I see God working in and through your life and I look forward to your video blog. I guess what amazes me the most is that you are “real”, sharing your stories and not sugarcoating life. Keep doing what you’re doing, you have touched my life. Thank you.

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    • Oh my gosh Carlene, you are so sweet. Thank you so much 🙂 God is good and I am so grateful for the healing He’s done in my life. I have a lot to be grateful for. And you are one of them 🙂 Sending you the biggest hugs xoxox

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  108. Just bumped into your blog and I could see everyone’s excitement about your plan. More power on you, you got one more fan today. 🙂

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  109. Your blog is always great to read! You come across very personal and I love that you always balance being serious and humorous! Jealous you are in NYC!

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  110. how exciting! One step forward and you know now that you can open up without judgement. I too have heard the whole ” I thought you were going to be a bitch!!!” but low and behold, I am probably the farthest thing from it. You have come so far and I have just jumped on your wagon but WAY TO GO! I don’t know you but I am so proud of you for going one more step up on the ladder! Also, When is your birthday?!

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  111. I’ve been thinking about how we don’t live our own lives when we hide who we are or live to please others. We end up living someone else’s version of our lives, not God’s version. Not the real thing. The consequence is that we never truly meet ourselves, or know ourselves. What a blessing that you are deciding to be even more yourself, the person that God created as “wonderful” so says the psalmist.

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  112. Hi there, first I’d like to say, I really like the name of your blog “Beauty Beyond Bones”, creative and clever 🙂 Secondly, I haven’t read your full story yet (here), but I’d like to know your story via watching your videos, so I’m looking forward to it. And last, but not least, thanks for the likes on my posts!

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  117. TripleB -When I read this – I was left thinking about a hymn I heard once – “Jesus, take me as I am.” As always when we reach out to others – the mirror they hold up to us can be quite profound. When we reach out to Jesus, as you know, His simple approach is to stretch out His hand for us to clasp it. I’m sure you have found, or are finding, that the new gift of new life you have is in realising that if you hold on to the hand of Jesus, you can let go of everything else. May many blessings come your way – for with Jesus, everything is a blessing. See my next blog – dedicated to you, your strength and the encouragement you give others. God Bless!

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  120. You are definitely not how I expected you to be and that’s really amazing. Who you are is so much more. The consciousness of your soul is flowering in its own rhythm. Nothing is wrong with that. You are beautiful with every single experience of your life, every particle of your body and every line of your story.

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