*Going Undercover

So yesterday, I did something pretty crazy.

I went undercover.

Yep, I pulled a Harriet the Spy and went on a real life spy mission.


My best friend is actually a forensic psychologist, and basically that means that her life is literally an episode of CSI. Anyway, she had to go on an undercover gig, and, since I’m an actor, she invited me along!

It. Was. So. Cool.

Not gonna lie, I felt like a bada$$.


Anyway. We were undercover on a boat, putting “eyes on” this guy whose wife was suspicious of him having an affair. She knew that he was going to be on this evening cruise because she checked their credit card bill. He told her he was “working late.” That poor woman. My heart went out to her. To think that she had to hire a private investigator to see if her husband is cheating. It breaks my heart.




Anyway, the guy was with two women. And that’s all we know. His actions weren’t overly romantic or anything, so we couldn’t tell if he was cheating.


But as I was sitting there, pretending to take selfies, yet actually taking pictures of the guy and his actions, I felt a tremendous responsibility in my hands.

I mean, this was their marriage. I didn’t know what the story was.

And, yes, even though that guy lied about his whereabouts to his wife, I had no idea who those women were. Were they co-workers, and he just didn’t want to tell his wife that he’d be out with women because she’d freak out? Was he really cheating? Was he planning a surprise birthday party for his wife with two of her best friends? I just didn’t know. But here I was, trying to figure out if he was having an affair based of his body language and actions with these women.

And, surprise, surprise, it got me thinking about recovery.

Now, you may be scratching your head thinking, “How the heck did you get from spying on someone to thinking about your anorexia recovery?”


Well friends, I was thinking, “This is crazy. This guy has no idea that we’re watching him. Someone could be watching me or following me around and I would have no idea.”

Paranoid much?

No, just kidding. But the thought did cross my mind.

But it got me thinking. I was trying to figure out this guy’s life from his actions. From his behavior.

And I wondered, What conclusion would someone draw from my behaviors and actions? Would they be able to tell that I’m in recovery? Would they think that I love myself? Would they draw the conclusion that I am living free from ED? Would they be able to tell that I love Jesus?

What do my actions communicate?

And it really made me think.

Because then I thought, what do I want my behavior to communicate?

Really. That’s a tough question. And there are lots of answers.

I mean, let’s be honest here. I would love it if my actions communicated that, Oh yeah, she’s got it goin’ on! She’s confident, stylish, flirty, self-assured, and the life of the party! Dangggg this girl’s the cat’s meOW! 


I confess. I would love that. That’s the “me” of my dreams. That would be the movie portrayal of my life.

But is that what I really want my life to communicate?

And I realized, after reflecting on this, what I actually want my actions to communicate:

One word:


I know, I know, I know. I can hear the collective “eye roll” from here.


But seriously, just here me out.

I want to communicate love: Love for others. Love for myself. Love for God. Love for life.

If someone were to spy on me, I would want them to walk away saying, Man, that girl is a lover.

So what does that look like? How about, being a good listener. Following through on promises and keeping my word. Bringing joy to others. Letting people into the broken places in my life. Actually celebrating my birthday. Building trust with others. Not tearing others down with gossip or judgement. Not tearing myself down with harsh criticism or doubt. Saying yes to invitations. Calling people back and reaching out. Spending time in prayer. Laughing a good old fashioned belly laugh.

Please hear me, I am in no way saying that I am all those fabulous things. That is a list of things that I inspire to be. Things that I am working on. Things that ED tries to suppress, but that I fight for.

That’s what I want my life to communicate.


What about you? What would someone think if they were to go undercover and put “eyes on” you? Is it want you want your actions to communicate? Just something to think about this weekend.


So whether or not that man was cheating on his wife, I’ll never know.

But I do know one thing: actions are important. And I need to be careful of my actions, because they communicate a lot.

And at the end of the day, I want to communicate love.

219 responses to “*Going Undercover”

  1. If someone were to look at me they’d say woah that guy is so awesome hahahaha jk this was a great connection you’ve made here and your compassion toward the man and your feelings of worry bc of the fact that you can’t know for sure what’s really going on says a lot about you. I loved this read because it illustrates the NEED to go beyond the way something someone or a situation looks before judging it. You have to get to the heart of it before you can accurately make any statement like. And it’s also great how you saw the situation and reflected on yourself and instead of being self conscious because of your history you became conscious of yourself and analyzed how being watched would make you feel. This was overall really cool hahaha!!!

    • Hey Julian! Haha yeah! Awesome man!! Seriously though, thank you for your encouraging and thoughtful words. Yeah it was an interesting situation to say the least. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  2. Ah, such a great post! You do communicate love, so well done!

    In the modern world of security cameras and the NSA, we’re all probably either spies or being spied on. Plus I live in a small town. We’re all being spied on! I actually have a bit of a camera, gossip, don’t- spy-on-me-phobia, or I did at least until I finally accepted that the only opinion that really matters to me is God’s and He’s already seen me at my worst. He loves me anyway. How awesome is that?

    If you’re 90’s kid, we should so get together and do the Goonies 🙂

  3. Yes, imagine being stalked by a PI and the IRS, or even the NSA, if you have the cred, otherwise just by Biggs & Agent Daveed. Then they build a file on you, seven inches thick, including every lawn-dry bill, Big Mac and ferry trip. Oh, you sneezed on the ferry and your shoe’s heel came off in Walmart. The goldfish had too many flakes and the cherry pie in the oven got a bottom tan. Then Richard Snowden and Assange spill the beans, wash all you dirty laundry in public. From overindulging in Hägen- Dasz to tithing nine cents too little. And there it is on CNN, in Huffington Post:

    BBB is a secret lover! BBB has a crush! BBB cheats on life as she has an affair with LOVE!

      • What a beautiful post! I love the sentiments in this post I think the things you aspire your actions to communicate are wonderful. I prayed the other day that an obsession with a man who wasn’t interested in me be lifted and I thought of you as I was praying. I always think of you when I pray as your faith is so strong. The obsession did shift and I’m going to start praying again. My new aim in life is improving the world so I’ve come up with an idea that could help everyone who goes into a doctors surgery in the UK with a mental health or addiction problem. After feeling like I was influencing the future of the country during the Referendum campaign I now need to make a positive difference to people with my life. So hopefully my actions will communicate that as well as looking after myself.

      • Thanks Caroline! That’s so wonderful! I’m glad you’ve taken that up again! I hope it brings peace and hope:) sending big hugs to you friend. I definitely believe in you that you can make a difference in people’s lives! Hugs and love xox

  4. I must admit that the fact that your friend is a forensic psychologist excited me more than I expected. I am actually about to finish a postgraduate degree in forensic psychology at the moment, so I kind of feel a slight kinship. Lovely post as usual, it sounds like you both had a truly adventurous and enlightening time. xxx

  5. “And at the end of the day, I want to communicate love.” What a wonderful thing to want.

    May God’s blessings be with you always. 🙂

  6. I wanted Michelle Trachtenberg as my best friend growing up! Haha!

    I love Forensic Files and such, so knowing that your best friend is a forensic psychologist is so cool!

    I love your mantra, especially the trademark quote!

  7. When I’m out on one of my frequent trips, I always hope and pray for at least one waitress that day who will connect with me instead of just process me! Aside from sales calls, there’s no personal interaction. It gets…solitary. So when someone treats me like a person, I make sure they know I appreciate it. I let the manager know and how important that is to me.

    Sometimes I wonder how people take me…am I hitting on her? Am I some perv? Do they really get it? I just decided a ways back that there’s too much harshness in society, so I compliment people when I can sincerely. After talking with my seat mate for most of a flight last Monday, I told her she had very nice eyes, as we got up to go. Then I got my bag and headed out.

    So do some people I encounter think I’m a weirdo? Maybe. But I just try to be a someone who lifts up instead of tears down. If nothing else, it makes me feel good to be nice to someone!

  8. I really enjoyed this! It’s been almost 30 days since my last drink. I decided to take on some new vices and blogging is one of them. So far mine have all been really serious which is the polar opposite of my personality. I love the goofy upbeat tempo you kept in this blog. As I get better at this blogging thing I hope to be able to do the same 😊

  9. I pray that all turns out well for the woman who was having her husband followed, but if she has gotten to the distrust point of having him followed around that is definitely not a good thing for her relationship. Even if you didn’t find out what he was up to, she will have doubts. I had a friend once who had others saying things about her husband and wanted to know what I thought about it. I told her at the time that I thought that of all people in the world she should trust her husband first over what anyone else says, and to keep trusting him until she saw him in a situation where she could not doubt what was going on with her own eyes, or he came to her and said that he was unfaithful. The point is, that when you enter a marriage relationship that person is supposed to be your other half, so you should always trust that other half over people who are not your other half. That is part of cherishing a person, and necessary for a marriage to succeed and thrive. You never know what motivates a person who is trying to come between two people in a marriage….they may just be miserable and want others to join them in their misery. I really love how you gave room for the idea that the man might have been planning a surprise for his wife or having a lunch with a couple of co-workers. That is the motto of our country as it should be carried out:”Innocent until proven guilty beyond reasonable doubt.” This was a wonderful post, and I am sure that people will see you as a positive person who loves people and loves God. That is how I see you from your posts, and I don’t actually know you in person! Your response to the outing shows me that you really have a heart for Christ. (If I didn’t already know this!)

      • It is all about whether they cherish each other or not. People frequently forget to cherish each other that is probably why so many marriages fail. Part of the failure to cherish is dragging other people into the relationship who don’t belong there….friends, relatives, etc. I feel sorry for both of them and I don’t even know them. It is a sad thing to see people having a troubled marriage, even from a distance.

      • My wife and I celebrated 29 years of wedded bliss on July. I lost my independence a day after America got theirs LOL. My parents were to celebrate 59 years on July 6, but Mother passed away in April. As for marriage, I think that I am in a rare commodity nowadays, a lasting marriage. So were my parents. Nobody says even these people do have a troubled marriage; it could easily just be a wife who doesn’t see straight. In my former career in finance, I had to go away for long times, even accompanied by women. My wife was never jealous and I never cheated on her. If my wife would have hired a PI every time I went to a single young lady’s apartment to file tax returns, draft a will or arrange insurance, we’d be bankrupt. The biggest problem here is to see how judgemental some of the commenters are as only their true colors shine through. We have too little facts of this situation to even begin to form an opinion. Rather focus on the beauty that BBB had brought by virtue of her perspective, then stay out of the lives of people we don’t know.

      • I agree, my husband and I are a couple years behind you and your wife. These have been the best years of my life. He is the most awesome person I know! We have gone through a lot together, and he is a good person to go through things with.

  10. Fantastic insight!! I also want my life to represent love!! Along with that I want to fill the world with compassion, my soul with self forgiveness. I hope that people love themselves a little more after an encounter with me. I too love Jesus and know that helps me to keep my desires less selfish. Thank you for your words. Blessings!

  11. Wonderful article! I’m right there with you about what I want to show people by my actions. I know I fail. Sometimes the failing is an all-day event, but sometimes it isn’t. This article renewed my own desire to be better in so many areas of my life. Thank you. Oh! You were TOTALLY a bada$$ going undercover! You rock!

  12. Another beautiful post! We should all try to be like Jesus, and see Him in every person. I want my actions to communicate that I’m a faithful follower of Christ, trying to be the person He wants me to be 🙂 The whole undercover thing sounds so cool – it’s like you were in a movie! (Btw, I love that Harry Styles gif 😉 )

    • Thanks friend! Amen to that – seeing Jesus in every person is such a powerful thing and important thing to. Something i definitely have to work on! Thanks for sharing your heart. Sending big hugs! haha love me some Harry Styles 🙂

  13. Thank you so much for this lovely reminder! I was thinking the exact same thing today when I was walking home from going to the movies. What do people see when they see me? The other day, I met a man on my school campus as I was just walking along. And he made a comment about my joy, which I hadn’t even realized. Pope Francis tells us there’s no such thing as gloomy-faced saints, so I want people to know my JOY. I’ve struggled with depression at different times in my life, but the joy of the living God who loves us is the most beautiful gift, especially in the Eucharist. <3

    • Hey there Kenzie! Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection! Amen to that! Joy is such a blessing, not only to yourself, but to everyone you encounter! Yes yes yes. I am like nodding along and cheering for everything you’ve said here. Sending huge hugs my friend. xox

  14. I love this post! It’s so clever the way you think about things and put them into words. 🙂
    I like that second picture that said “Your smile is your logo, how you make others feel is your trademark.” 😉 So funny and so true!

    • Thanks friend:) I appreciate your kind words. Yeah! I heard that quote somewhere, so I decided to tack that on a cheesy pic of yours truly 🙂 hehe thanks for reading! hugs and love xox

  15. Simply beautiful! As Christians, our life goal should be to point others to Jesus. I’m glad to see you living this ❤

    • Thanks emily, gosh that really means a lot! You’re right – that is the numero uno goal! can’t quite say I’ve mastered that, because I fall short in that area A LOT, but I am working on it:) thanks for reading! hugs and love xox

  16. At the expense of sounding crass and as you stated, his actions didn’t convey “cheating”, nor would they stand in a court of law. From a christian perspective in my opinion, he is guilty. First he lied to his wife and was with two other women in a romantic setting. Second, marriage is sacred, the wife should have been told of his whereabouts and with whom or he should have included her too. In a marriage, one needs to choose carefully whom one lets in because the potential is there to opening it up to other evils. I’m not saying that males shouldn’t have female friends and vice versa, but that your husband/ wife should always be number one. if not, it’s not a marriage. Metaphorically speaking, God for example is a jealous God, the First and Second Commandments state: “You shall have no other gods before Me [God]” Exodus 20:3-5……. as marriage should be. I have been married for 33 years and still happily married and I have two adult daughters whom my husband and I just adore. I would like to think that my actions reflect my faithfulness to God first, my husband and family because we serve God through family, work,and in what we say and do. Love you as a friend BBB.

    • We do not know what his profession is, what assignment is on his desk. We should not be judging from the outside. Get the facts, all of it, rather not risk a worthless opinion. What is blatantly obvious isn’t necessary true. I am a seasoned forensic auditor.

    • Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like you and your husband have a beautiful marriage. A lot of great points here. I do agree: marriage is sacred. A covenant before God that includes God. Thanks for reading. Hugs and love xox

  17. Cool story! It must have been such fun to go under cover. I’m actually not sure what a forensic psychologist does. Would your friend be willing to do a guest blog on my website about it? I have a lot of crime writer friends and I’m sure they would be very interested!

    • Thanks Jacky! Oh yeah she has a pretty awesome job! I’ll ask her! She’s super busy and in the process of moving but I’ll definitely give it a mention! Hugs and love xox

  18. And imagine if we all could just communicate love to each other! A great reminder for me: who am I really? What would people see if they watched me undercover?! God knows the heart of man and is gracious to love us anyway .

  19. So true! Read this aloud to my husband, we truly want to live life as lovers of God and reflect that in our marriage. Thank you for this post! God bless

  20. Beauty…this is…well, I’m not sure I have the words. This is amazing. HUSBAND and I are marriage coaches now…in the midst of our shattered and broken lives and world, we found beauty through His love and grace…and spend all the time we have helping other broken marriages. I’d like permission to use this piece in our work. It is AWESOME! Please email me: susan@unboundedlife.org and I’ll give you more details??? You have such a precious wisdom, a way with communicating from the heart to the paper…wow. Can’t wait to hear from you. xo and HUGS!

    • Thank you friend. Wow it sounds like you and your husband have a beautiful marriage and beautiful hearts. What a powerful profession. What an honor! I’ll definitely be in touch! Hugs and love xox

  21. Best article ever! Love it! I am sharing this. I want my life to communicate love as well. Since God is love I think it is the best thing to communicate. ❤️

  22. It’s neat how certain situations can spark thoughts and lead you to conclusions that teach lessons. You’ve taught a great lesson with this post. We are always communicating with our actions. I keep a fortune cookie in my wallet that reads, “You are often unaware of the effect you have on others.” It serves as a great daily reminder to always be mindful of what our actions are communicating.

  23. No eye roll here …, that is my goal too.
    I think if we leave each person we touch better then we found them, then we have accomplish that
    ❤️ we are never going to get it totally right… The success is in doing the best we possibly can

  24. “I want to communicate love: Love for others. Love for myself. Love for God. Love for life.”
    Sound like a good place to start. I’ll try that and see if anything else comes to me.

  25. Great post 🙂 Whenever I am riding in a car and I see all the pedestrians walking, I am always curious as to what they are thinking. I think it is great though that you want to communicate love as you said in this post though because that is similar to the act of caring. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

    • Hey john! Thank you so much. Yeah, the thoughts you have when walking are always really interesting. Some of my best thinking takes place when I take a walk by the water! So glad you stopped by! Always good to hear from you! Hugs and love xox

  26. Great article! It says to me that ‘people watching’ as an activity often leads you to one conclusion – ultimately you are watching yourself and how to live your life.

  27. Very interesting. I like the way your mind works. Right now I want to be a faithful and loving person. I want God to see me as a faithful and loving person. Like creative too. Faithful loving and creative…. and more…. so you’ve done your job. You’ve got me thinking about it. Not so much about how others see me, but what I am and how God sees me.

  28. Oh my gosh what does it say about me that I REALLY want to know whether their marriage is OK? Well I guess there’s something very wrong if you’re hiring a PI like that. Anyway how amazing what you learned from going undercover. You certainly display a lot of love through your blogs!
    L x

  29. Ps. I left you a message on your Facebook page about becoming a patron. Not sure the best way of contacting you? Thanks lovely and God bless x

    • Oh sweet! Yeah, it’s been a whirl wind of red-eye flights, pilot shoots and auditions the past 4 days, so I haven’t checked my FB or email…but I will today! You can also reach me through beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com too 🙂 Thanks so much for this! I look forward to reading your message 🙂 hugs and love xox

  30. Your friend’s life is like an episode of CSI? I’m going to read that as “she has an unbelievably good clear-up rate, but insists on regularly donning shades whilst making one-liners.” (Great post, by the way).

  31. Beautiful post!!! This time, I read it patiently, scrolling through and taking in every word… until the end when you began to write about love. Then, I got so super-excited that I scrambled to the end, and had to slowly re-read it again to get it all. 🙂

    While real-life and blog-life are two different realms, in a way, you’re the same person in both your writing and your actions. Your writing is LOVELY. It is challenging, honest, and full of the love that God has clearly filled you with. When I blog about how I *want* to live and who I *want* to be, it feels much easier to conceptualize it on paper than to actually reshape my life to be concordant, but I want exactly what you wrote about here. I want to love like a saint (little “s” – I don’t need, want, or expect any recognition). I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my life. I think about a line in the hymn “The Summons,” that asks, “should your life attract or scare?” And I wonder, which kind of life am I living? Thank you for the inspiration, and for the invitation to live for love.

    P.S. I love your sassy picture! 😉

    • Aw thank you Lulu! You are always so sweet:) I can’t tell you how much joy it brings my heart to know that you enjoy reading my blog and get something from it! I don’t think I know that hymn, but I’ll definitely check it out:) and what a thought provoking lyric-really makes you examine your life. Hugs and love xox

  32. (quickly whips my fake glasses, nose and mustache off)
    I haven’t been following you, but from what you write, you display love. Love of God, love of others, love of self (finally?!) So you display it 🙂

    That said, I wonder about my life, and what I display. I’m rather hard on myself; you know that one “aww crap” wipes out a ton of brownie points, right? Well, I always feel that my one trouble area wipes out all the good interactions I have. I struggle with grace over works :/ I was raised that worth and value were based on works….and that I wasn’t measuring up. So I never loved myself. And still don’t….still haven’t gotten that tape in my head to stop playing. But I am getting better at least at reaching out to others and caring for them.

    And go easy on that bada$$ spy stuff 😀

    • haha Thanks Jeff! You made me smile. And thank you for sharing this. i can definitely relate to the works/grace struggle. It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling the need to “earn” love/worth/acceptance/etc. Something I’m still working on for sure. glad you stopped by! xx

  33. I remember reading in the book Everything’s an Argument how we should write as if we have people looking over our shoulders–or something like that; you make a good point that, basically, we should LIVE that way … because in a manner of speaking, we do have Someone looking over our shoulders at everything we do: “[Y]our Father who sees what is hidden will repay you” (Mt 6:18, NABRE).

    Thanks for bringing this up; God bless!

  34. Having read your message today I am very aware that my daughter who has anorexia is constantly watching me. She is very angry with me and tells me often of my failings. There are no pats on the back just a barrage of hurtful words. I have tried to be a witness to love in my life but she says I am a hypocrite. If I did not have God in my life and know that He loves me and understands my heart and actions, bearing this onslaught from my daughter would be extremely hard. I know she is hurting and that is why she denies her body food, she knows it concerns me which seems to feed her need to carry on in this destructive way. I don’t know how your parents helped and supported you but I am struggling. This requires more than love and my daughter refuses therapy and often wont take her medication. At 19 she is an adult and I am now not allowed to know what is going on due to patient confidentiality. She still lives in our home but we are in a way being held captive by her mood swings, anger and faddy eating. I love her but find her illness draining to the point of exhaustion. If you can give me some pointers to help my daughter I would be happy to hear them. God bless you my dear friend.

  35. You bring up a good point about the difference, but also relationship, between facts (observable data) and interpretations. Facts: Husband X was on a evening cruise ship with Woman A and Woman B. The next question the consider is what premises (assumptions) do we use to make those interpretations. You give a whole list of possible explanations of Husband X’s behavior (cheating, arranging for wife’s B-day party, entertaining co-workers or clients, etc.), each of which is possible based on your assumptions.

    These are good concepts to have in mind when we wonder how others view us. We can agree on the facts, but arrive at different conclusions based on what premises we start with. We have many assumptions about what is loving behavior. If someone misinterprets your loving actions, investigate what assumptions they have about love and the behavior…. Then you’ll get some eye-rolling.

    • Hey Oscar, thanks for this. Great points. You’re right, it’s hard to get the whole story simply from trying to read body language and actions from afar. That’s dangerous territory to tread. Thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

  36. For your friend – she should watch War Room and Pray without ceasing. Your post is exactly what was preached on Sunday. John 15:12
    “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” Sending a warm gentle hug. <3

  37. wow…I love your writeup dear. The switch in line of conversation did it mostly and you kept one glued and following I must say! And your profile pix is great…It suites perfectly #thumbs.
    Got something to complete the writeup you liked earlier on my blog, do read it up…thanks.

  38. Interesting story. It reminds me of how I really despise the possibility of people hacking into my private emails or tracking my internet activity and supposing they understand my total situation, personal history/experience and inner reasons why I do things.

    With some people I get a gut feeling but never know for sure. And that only adds to my despising what they might be doing. It’s cowardly and slummy, all at once—if they’re doing it, that is. 🙂

  39. Wow! I absolutely love how you use real life events to pass across inspiring messages. I’m left with a lot to ponder upon from this. I want my life to reflect love as well, not self absorption or an overly introverted person who pushes everyone away 🙂 Thanks for sharing this BBB!

  40. What an adventure! Your thought process made me smile. Not the whole potentially unfaithful husband and the need for recovery, but your ability to take one human’s actions and interactions and convert them into a message of love. Thank you for sharing this!

  41. Ah….okay….I really have to work on my trademark. How I make people feel right? I think I scare people away but I would rather that they know I love them and care about them….thanks for this.

  42. One word, Suspenseful and D. E. E. P. Ok, that was more than one word…, but you get my drift. You’re so strong! May God bless you and make your path and journey in life easy, blessed, and beneficial to others. Ameen.

    • Thanks! I’m not sure…I didn’t ask my friend about the case afterwards. I know she was hired by the wife because she had suspicion, but, i don’t know. I think it was probably reported back to her that he was in the company of two other women. Gosh, it breaks my heart to think about how that conversation must have gone and the repercussions. I’m gonna hope that they were still just planning a surprise birthday party…. :/

  43. “My best friend is actually a forensic psychologist, and basically that means that her life is literally an episode of CSI. Anyway, she had to go on an undercover gig, and, since I’m an actor, she invited me along!”

    Nothing is impossible in your life 😀 so funny

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