Don’t Call Me Princess

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I was very much a child of the nineties.

I sported a side pony. Ate dunkeroos. Danced the Macarena. Enjoyed non-Pixar Disney movies, and crushed HARD on Aaron Carter.

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But I was also a “Christian” nineties kid: I went to a faith based sleep away camp every summer where comedian Brian Regan was right up there with Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I knew all the Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith songs. Had Precious Moments figurines. And, like most 90’s Christian girls: I read Captivating. Twice, actually.

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And let me just say: that is a great book. I would, and do, recommend it to everyone. Heck, I even lead a bible study on it in college.

But, if you’re unfamiliar with that book, the main take away is that, as women, we are precious, delighted-in, daughters of the King. Princesses.

And as this book has been meaningful in my life, it made the cut of things I brought with me to NYC. It’s currently on my bookshelf in my apartment, which is saying a lot, knowing the premium there is for space here.

But I have to be totally honest about something.

I never really bought into the whole “princess thing.”

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Not that I didn’t believe that I am a daughter of God, but I just never truly believed that I was princess material.

Being a product of the nineties, princesses were a big deal. Belle. Ariel. Jasmine. Cinderella. Sleeping Beauty. Snow White. To have “princess status” meant something.

Not only were you aesthetically flawless with a waist proportionally smaller than the width of your neck…

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…but you also had a spotless record. You were unblemished, in every sense of the word.

So hearing that I was God’s princess…not only did it make my eyes roll at the cheesiness a little bit, but it also gave me a pang of disappointment in my spirit.

Because I was not princess material. 

I had things in my past that disqualified me from a princessed existence.

And as I got older, honestly, I would think about the things that I went through, and think to myself – Clearly, God doesn’t think I’m a princess either, seeing what He allowed to happen in my life.

When I think about a princess, I think about an untouched, porcelain doll-like girl, who gets the world handed to her on a silver rose gold platter. There is no trouble. No friction. No obstacles. Just a luxurious and privileged existence.

And come on, who can say they know what that’s like?

As we’ve seen recently, even Taylor Swift has to deal with unpleasantries every now and then.

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That’s not real life. As they say, $h!* happens and life gets messy, to say the least.

And so, hearing that I’m a princess, it would almost make me angry. It’d make me think, That’s just not true! I’ve had to fight to become who I am. It wasn’t handed to me. The person I’ve become is the result of a lot of literal blood, sweat, and tears. And grace. 

Being called a princess – that felt cheap. Patronizing. Fake. Disingenuous.

If I were anything, it would be a warrior princess.

A feminine fortress. A female fighter. A girlie gladiator. (lol who says that?!)

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God equipped me with the grace to get through those times in my life. Those non-princess moments.

And He delighted in my perseverance.

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That’s what I’ve come to peace with from that book. That’s how I’ve had to reframe it in my mind. Not that I’m some fragile princess, sitting on a plush, velvet pillow, but that I am delighted in. All of me. All of my past. All of my short comings. All of my seasons of trial and error. He delights in me because He so loves me.

And you know what that also does? It takes the pressure off. It gives me freedom to embrace the realness of who I am, who I was, and who I’m becoming.

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I don’t have to be princess material. I don’t have to have a past that could be delightfully depicted as a Disney movie.

I just have to be me. A girl who loves God, and who is loved by God, despite my fears and failures.


I am delighted in. And so are you.

 

 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

270 thoughts on “Don’t Call Me Princess”

  3. With all due respect, it is a good thing you’ve gotten over the princess mythology. Read some history of real-world princesses. They are stories of old men with power from other feudal states buying their way into a monarchy to (1) increase their personal power, (2) merge whatever power they already had with the monarch-with-princess-daughter, and (3) get to marry someone in their teens and (hopefully) “sire” children who would be shared relatives with the monarch and the lucky noble with the unlucky princess. Sure, this is not how the fairy tales work out. There’s a Prince Charming that does various tasks to free the princess from a tower, a witch’s spell, a Rumpelstiltskin (whatever that is), a bloated, doddering, gout-ridden noble, etc. It may have happened – I don’t know ALL the stories of ALL the monarchs and princesses – but that was the general pattern. The princess was chattel to be traded for power.
    The message? Run away from any myth that places you in the princess role (as you say you have done). Just be the best version of yourself you can be.
    Kind regards, MSOC

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  4. Love this & it’s really fascinating to realize that all of the princesses young girls looked up to set such unrealistic expectations and Inevitable disappointment. I love to see how far we’ve come and to realize we can be imperfect and still loved and worth it! Great post love💕

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    1. P. S. On a more personal note, it has actually done me immensely good to be able to accept myself as a child of the king … not necessarily to call myself a “prince,” because that sounds and feels kind of weird, but to know that the sovereign God of the Universe is my Abba Father is absolutely amazing! 🙂

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  7. I love this post. I had a tough childhood, but one thing that really blessed me was that I had access to old fashioned fairy tales. None of this modern Disney stuff, the real authentic princesses, the ones who live most of their lives under a curse or in exile, years of struggle that build their character, that transform them into actual princesses worthy of inheriting a kingdom. Some of those tales are downright tragic, but they are powerful, they speak to the truth and reality of the human experience. It’s sad to me that we’ve lost that, because being a princess really is about having grace under fire and becoming someone who can really wear that crown.

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    1. Thanks for this reflection, friend. Yeah there’s something really powerful about those old tales. I’m so glad that they were with you through your childhood. Grace under fire is definitely a terrific trait to have. Hugs and love xox

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  8. Nice read. Without question, you have very good writing skills and style. When I read this article, though, I’ll be candid, I saw a flawed, perhaps damaged and vulnerable, self-esteem. And that’s neither good nor bad, because none of us are perfect… You know, princess material. But what I’d offer up to you, in perspective and for some “pondering”, is that the whole idea of being a princess, isn’t as much as how you view yourself, but rather, how you feel inside your heart, because God treats you like a princess… With unconditional Love, Mercy, Grace and Forgiveness. He has already paid the price for our sin, individually and collectively. His Kingdom in heaven is our inheritance, as Christians and His children. It is guaranteed to us, and it is but ours to accept. Yes, we must pray, follow His rules, and certainly repent in a sincere manner when we sin… But when God forgives our sin…. It is forgiven in a complete and unquestionable manner. In essence, what I’m saying, is to not be too hard on yourself, and understand and acknowledge that is perfectly fine to allow yourself to feel like the Princess that God sees you as… Abandon the guilt, the feelings of inferiority, and of shame… Rejoice in all that you were, are and have yet to become. Rejoice that you know God and accept Him as your Savior. Be blessed.
    -Michael

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  9. I had to stop mid-read when you mentioned Brian Regan. When you shared your name with the BBB community a couple weeks ago, I immediately thought of Regan’s Caro-line vs Caro-lynn routine!

    “Wild at Heart” probably had an equally similar effect on many millennial Christian boys…

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  12. While you were singing along with the best and going to Christian camp in the 90’s, I was listening to rock music and going out. As we read in 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV): 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! I’m a Princess not in the world’s eyes – or Disney’s -I’m a new creation in Christ. WOW! What a great write you have here.

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  15. I always played queen when I was a little girl. I felt like being a princess in the real world would be tougher…there’s a lot of pressure and also a lot of isolation in some cases. I think warrior princess is just as elegant of a title for you. Your blog always leaves me feeling refreshed. It’s very real and refreshing and I hope you grow a lot this year and experience a lot of wonderful things.

    Sending A Million and One Joyful Blessings,

    Brie

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  17. Very interesting! I’ve never read that book, but I want to now! I feel like if I were a princess I would be more like the awkward Mia from the Princess Diaries haha. My understanding of being God’s princess is that it isn’t anything at all that I’ve done, but rather Jesus’s royal and holy blood that makes me special. God bless you xoxo

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  19. Have I mentioned that I just absolutely adore your writing? I laugh EVERY time I read your posts & am just in awe at the grace you have shown through your journey. Like seriously, wow. I can’t think of anything God would have blessed you with more than your gift of writing! This post was awesome (as usual) & I totally agree!

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    1. Aw thank you so much Claire:) I’m so glad it makes you smile:) that’s my end goal!! Haha seriously though, your kind words bring warmth to my heart, so thank you. and thank you for reblogging my post! Sending massive massive hugs xox

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  20. Hello my friend well well well I would have to say that is your best blog yet. Like yourself I grew up in the 90s so I know every reference that you just put in your blog. But unlike yourself I didn’t look too Disney princesses I looked to Faith Sports to fulfill of 08 and when I say fake Sports I think you know what I mean it’s just another thing the devil uses to make people idolize something to take their eyes off the Lord. As people we all go through trials and tribulations some Christians go through more then others. I have gone through my fair share and I’m certainly sure that you have gone through your fair share but I want you to remember these simple words never forget your deliverance never forget what God has done for you in the past no matter the trial no matter the tribulation never forget what God has done for you. You’re very smart so I’m sure you don’t ever forget that subscribing to your blog has been a blessing to me every time I get an opportunity to read your thoughts makes me appreciate your faith in God even more. I am so pleased to share biblical Insight with you and others around the world. I’m happy to call you friend Carolyn. speaking of college I have something I want to show you as a journalism student years ago I had my friend write a news report on this very subject of Disney princesses. once I got over the fact that she had Hollywood blue eyes it turned out to be a great story. Maybe you should check it out sometimeIf you want I could send you the link. Oh also I have a suggestion for your video blog series since the night you talked about Disney Princesses I have a question for you that you could answer view your YouTube blog one sentence thumbs up the question. how does an and system of beliefs in God?

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    1. Thank you so much Anthony! You’re always so kind and generous in your encouragement. I so appreciate it. I’m glad that you enjoyed this post. What’s your question? I’d love to answer it! Hugs and love xox

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      1. How does a Christian maintain your status in Hollywood? The reason I ask this is because I see so many famous Hollywood actors turning to Christianity but yet there in like sports and worldly talk shows and I don’t get it because the word of God says come out from among them and I will receive you be ye separate from the world even further than that. The word of God says those in the world are an enemy to God. Now it’s obvious to me that your face is very important in your life I’m not calling you an enemy of God in fact I think you had better Wheels the most Christians do today. My question is how does an actress or actor in Hollywood who is a Christian maintain their beliefs in God even more than that how do they choose roles that please God bookmark hops is a question I should ask David AR White the co-founder of Pure Flix

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      2. That’s a great question. I think you just have to keep your eyes on God and remember your priorities. And you have to make decisions, keeping your faith in mind. I have had to turn down many roles because they go against my beliefs and moral reasons. Yeah, I have wanted to get involved with Pure Flix for a long time. Great question.

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      3. Remember Anthony prays for you. My second thought is that you’re not a princess that is defined by two cartoon you are a child of God a member of the bride of Christ you peace with God because you more than anybody knows that your Rose of Sharon and Lily of the Valley is always Jesus. I will pray for you always no matter what.

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      5. Thank you for thinking I’m generous but really I’m just a man it’s easy to show love to others when you realize how much love Jesus has shown me when I came in to that realization for myself I noticed that I had a great responsibility to share the love of God abroad within the hearts of all people no matter what. There’s no getting the love of God in their hearts. If there was more people that had the love of God in their hearts there into the kingdom of God and less Souls going the opposite way

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      7. That’s a great response I’m so proud of you. If you want to get involved in. Let’s just write them a letter send them an email send them to the photos and the script get in touch with him via Twitter. I make jokes to them all the time just to see if they’re paying attention. I want to ask if they’re going to do Jonah Bible based movie. I gave them one suggestion if they’re looking for a whale they should call SeaWorld. But seriously we need Bible movie this is the last hour the Noah movie was a flop Exodus gods and Kings didn’t even make sense.. in fact when I watch the movie I want to walk out of the theater because it took the power of God away and it gave it to the alligators as the reason the water in the Nile river turned to blood you know what I’ll pray that you a roll with Pure Flix because that’s really the only thing I watch these days best Canadian which means it’s very hard for me to watch Pure Flix movies in Canada but I do it. I also like the old Biblical movies like the Ten Commandments staring Charlton Heston I also like the movie one night with the King depicting the story of Esther. I’ve talked enough now I have probably exhausted you. Like I said I get excited when I get to talk to someone about faith in God because I’m the only one in my family serving God. Some have asked me how do I do it? the answer I give them is how is Abel able to do it? let this thought of God singing to you right now Cain’s brother Abel was surrounded by a family of sinners and yet he serve God. He even made it to the faith chapter in Hebrews chapter 11

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      8. Indeed there’s no one in the world that cares for you like Jesus cares for you there’s no one in the world that loves you like he loves you Jesus Heaven Sent to heal the sick make the blind to see set the captives free and yes even we.

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  22. I didn’t grow up on Disney princesses – I watched Aladdin and Mulan a lot, but that was about it. I *still* haven’t seen Snow White, Cinderella, or even Anastasia. Probably because I have 7 brothers haha. I did grow up on Ice Age and Shrek and various action movies and (a) I had a massive crush on Diego from Ice Age (the sabre tooth tiger) and (b) was always massively disappointed that the lead characters in action flicks were always men. Always. If they did have a tough female character in there, she was invariably clad in tight-fitting leather and a push-up bra. (Lara Croft and Black Widow, anyone?) And don’t get me wrong, I’m kind of a girly girl. But I don’t want to be a princess either. At least not the way they’re presented in movies. I don’t want to be a princess who surprises everyone because she can use a sword, either. She’s a girl?????!!!! And yet she fights???!!!!! Anyway I’m kind of losing track of what my point was. If I had a point. I can’t remember. I’m rambling. Someone stop me.
    Also, I read Captivating years ago, and some parts of it really resonated with me, but some parts kind of…jarred. I remember one passage where the woman who co-wrote it – sorry I can’t remember her name – was telling the story of how she went canoeing with her family and she felt really vital and important because she had to work really hard and it was the most she had felt alive (or words to that effect). And I remember thinking that didn’t really gel with me. It kind of seemed like a rehashing of Wild At Heart. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are lots of women out there who love the outdoors. But it just didn’t seem like a really good example of the strength of femininity, especially since this woman had children. Now obviously I don’t think women HAVE to have children. But I think if you do, then they’re an important part of your life. One of the most important. And I think motherhood is a huge, huge part of femininity. I didn’t understand why she didn’t mention her children when she was talking about times in her life when she had felt important and vital. She didn’t mention her children much at all, from memory. I don’t know. It kind of bothered me. I didn’t even have kids when I read it, but I do know, and let me tell you, it’s no walk in the park. Giving birth is insane. INSANE. I’ve done it three times without drugs (which I don’t really understand) and it takes an enormous amount of strength to do something like that. Not bragging, just fact. I mean my second son was 8lb!
    Although I also remember that the author of Captivating had suffered through two abortions (I think). And it didn’t sound like she had really received much healing from it. So I kind of wondered at the time if there was some part of her – some connection to motherhood, or her femininity, that she was still cut off from because of what she had been through.
    I think she just didn’t seem healed to me. She didn’t seem like she was really recovered from her depression, or that she really believed she was worthy, or that she was really connected to her feminine self. I guess I kind of wondered why she was writing a book to help other women on this journey when she hadn’t necessarily figured it out herself. Not to say that you can’t give advice unless you’re perfect, of course. More like I couldn’t really trust her advice if she was still unhappy, because she could have been barking up the wrong tree the entire time.
    Also I remember her saying one or two negative things about Catholicism which bothered me.
    I don’t know. Maybe I’m reading too much into it.
    Also sorry this is so long/rambling/hope I haven’t said anything wrong.
    Also I love your blog and think you’re super cool and amazing and almost couldn’t believe you were Catholic because you seemed way too normal haha.

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much for this response, Medeleine! there is so much life in your words, I love it! Yeah I totally feel you about the princesses. A girl with a sword?!! Gasp! But it’s true. I think that’s why the hunger games were such a hit-because there was such a strong and normal female character. Seriously such great thoughts here. Thanks for giving me a lot to think about tonight! And for your kind words about my blog! BIg big hugs to you friend xox

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  23. I love the way you worked through this – from rejecting the concept of yourself as “princess material” to understanding that whatever you are is because of who your Father is, and you are indeed the daughter of a King. Well done – and beautifully written. Thank you!

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  24. There’s an ease of expression and a rhythm in how you write. I enjoy reading your posts, and appreciate your candor. You stated your take on the Princess thing as only a New Yorker would. Your humor was timely for me today. Thanks… daughter Blessed and highly favored!
    Be Blessed & Be Well my friend.

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  25. I really like this post. I think you are right about being princesses or princes in this world. Most of us are not faultless, but you are making differences in people’s lives whether you realize it or not. Just an observation, from one writer to another, you are an inspiration and thank you. God bless you dear sister.

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  26. Interesting thought about your view on princesses. I never saw myself as too flawed to be a princess. But, the one I can never imagine is being a saint – logically, I know that saints were sinners, but emotionally, there is a HUGE disconnect, and I don’t find any similarity between myself and them!

    But, the one thing that stands true is we are God’s children, and we should all strive to make Him happy! Because He loves us all dearly.

    Thanks for your (as always) fabulous post!!

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  29. Just Wow… I wish other girls could grasp this concept. Disney has actually stuffed princess concept into girl’s minds and in a way it is not healthy.. not in this world.. great post..

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      1. I have two daughters and believe me, I am bugged with this princess thing. Every thing has to be pink and plush.. I just want them to come out to the real world and start facing it. Although they are young as of now but I still want them to be thinking of other good things in life.. Thanks a lot for the lovely post.. I am so glad and relieved..

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  30. I LOVE how you said God delights in perseverance. I have always had a hard time with the princess thing too…I even have a devotional that was given to me for my daughters about how they are princesses of a King and to me it’s like I don’t want them to relate having to look perfect and materialism with God at all. It’s pretty confusing. Our world definitely has a different defintion of “princess” than I’m sure our heavenly father does!

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    1. Thanks Jami! Yeah that’s definitely something about the princess aspect that seemed troublesome to me as well. I think you’re right-He’s got a different definition. He’s looking at our hearts:) sending huge hugs! Xox

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  32. Great post 🙂 While their is nothing wrong with loving the princess characters of Disney movies, trying to be completely like that character is impossible and in real life, it is who somebody is on the inside that counts. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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  33. I think you are hitting the nail on the head when you list all the reasons why princess by one definition (the world’s/Disney) is very unappealing, BBB. However, I encourage you to dig deeper in exploring why Abba Father wants His daughters in Christ (who is also called Prince of Peace) to see their royalty through His eyes.

    Its uncanny how much I relate to your perspective on the world’s and Disney’s definition of a princess. In fact, I’ve met a lot of gasps and annoyed expressions (condemnation) from some women in my life because I quietly boycott Disney princess movies, lol. I don’t count it against them, but I am not persuaded that they are harmless to the absorbent minds of young girls–or boys, for that matter.

    I also very intimately relate to your desire to see yourself as a warrior princess. In fact, I experienced this amazing prayer vision in which Jesus said to me, “My brave little warrior princess.” I’ll add that the circumstance I was in juxtaposed His words like all get out. Ha!

    But, our God is a warrior God and we are His daughters, adopted through and in Christ Jesus. The word tells us that we are a royal priesthood. We are co-heirs to the throne of heaven. We are in Christ, bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. These words are not just flowery poetry. They are in fact our true reality.

    I believe the Eldredges were spot on in Captivating when they discussed how the root attack of the enemy against men and women.

    In one form or another, the enemy attacks our sense of loveliness as women, our worth and value. For men, its in whether or not they have what it takes to be a man. And. Before reading this book, I spent years (like over a decade) not following God’s ways–like not even confessing to be a Christian. I saw this attack manifested in my life and the lives of so many men and women around me–literally blew my mind.

    All this getting stoked to say, “Mami chula, you ARE a warrior princess because our Daddy God says so! Its in fact our truest reality.”

    In HIM, forever eva ❤

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    1. Thank you so much for this powerful reflection, JT. you’re right-the Eldredges really did do a fantastic job with that book. But it’s true-there really are two definitions of princesses that can seem at odd with each other: the worldly and then the divine. We are children of the King, so we might as well claim the truth. Thanks for giving me some great food for thought. Hugs and love xox

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      1. Thank you for believing Jesus, for choosing life, for being the bold warrior princess that you are!!

        God is good! God is love! We are His and He is ours 🙂 Besos y abrazos!

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  42. I’ve never liked being called a princess either. But my reason was princess to me meant love struck girly girl. I grew up a tomboy and knew princess wasn’t who I was.

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    1. Thank you so much, yeah I can definitely see that definition come to mind given the portrayal in movies. At the end of the day, all we need to remember is that we’re deeply loved:) thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

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      1. I strongly recommend it! You’re clearly NOT a man, but you interact with men on a regular basis; you meet one of the two criteria for reading Wild at Heart. It will give you insight into what every man is, or has been, internally contending with, just as Captivating did for me about women.

        I can’t guarantee the book will help you snag a man, but a there’s something sexy about a girl who understands guys! We appreciate being known and understood, too; it just looks different.

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  44. It’s funny…when I read Captivating (yes, I’m one of many men who read it hoping to pick up some secrets), “Warrior Princess” is exactly what I thought Stasi was trying to describe!

    And let us never forget…in God’s eyes, we are all royalty. All unblemished, all fit to rule with him and under him. “The self you loathe is on the cross in Christ.” – Watchmen Nee

    Thanks for this!

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    1. Hey Brandon! Haha I love that you read it! I was just thinking that maybe I should read wild at heart-maybe it’ll help me not be single anymore! Haha jk jk wow what a powerful quote by Nee! I have never heard that before, but WOW. Very powerful. thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

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  46. I think of it as God delighting in His children. Even many earthly fathers are able to call their daughters, “Princess”. Not because they are princesses in the sense of being perfect, unblemished or regal but because they are precious in their father’s eyes regardless. It is so much more with God. We are so precious to Him that He sent His perfect Son to die for us. And that love is what lifts us up.

    But you know, you are indeed a warrior princess and that is wonderful.

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  47. It’s very easy to get caught up in the cultural idea of what a good Christian is. Funny thing, though: cultural ideas change with cultures…what do you know? It took moving to a different country for me to really see that. Glad you have realized He delights in you just because. 🙂

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  49. great word, honest and thought provoking. We truly need to define ourselves by God’s ideas not the worlds (or walt disneys:). and i think… God, in general has a lot different definitions for things than we do. What makes us a “princesses” isn’t really about us, or what we do, or how we do it, it’s about who our father is !

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    1. Thank you so much Inkhorn! You’re right-god’s definition is the singular most important. Ahh I love that-our “princess-ness” isn’t about who we are, but who He is! Oh my gosh that is brilliant! Thanjs for reading! Hugs and love xox

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