Don’t Call Me Princess

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I was very much a child of the nineties.

I sported a side pony. Ate dunkeroos. Danced the Macarena. Enjoyed non-Pixar Disney movies, and crushed HARD on Aaron Carter.

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But I was also a “Christian” nineties kid: I went to a faith based sleep away camp every summer where comedian Brian Regan was right up there with Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I knew all the Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith songs. Had Precious Moments figurines. And, like most 90’s Christian girls: I read Captivating. Twice, actually.

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And let me just say: that is a great book. I would, and do, recommend it to everyone. Heck, I even lead a bible study on it in college.

But, if you’re unfamiliar with that book, the main take away is that, as women, we are precious, delighted-in, daughters of the King. Princesses.

And as this book has been meaningful in my life, it made the cut of things I brought with me to NYC. It’s currently on my bookshelf in my apartment, which is saying a lot, knowing the premium there is for space here.

But I have to be totally honest about something.

I never really bought into the whole “princess thing.”

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Not that I didn’t believe that I am a daughter of God, but I just never truly believed that I was princess material.

Being a product of the nineties, princesses were a big deal. Belle. Ariel. Jasmine. Cinderella. Sleeping Beauty. Snow White. To have “princess status” meant something.

Not only were you aesthetically flawless with a waist proportionally smaller than the width of your neck…

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…but you also had a spotless record. You were unblemished, in every sense of the word.

So hearing that I was God’s princess…not only did it make my eyes roll at the cheesiness a little bit, but it also gave me a pang of disappointment in my spirit.

Because I was not princess material. 

I had things in my past that disqualified me from a princessed existence.

And as I got older, honestly, I would think about the things that I went through, and think to myself – Clearly, God doesn’t think I’m a princess either, seeing what He allowed to happen in my life.

When I think about a princess, I think about an untouched, porcelain doll-like girl, who gets the world handed to her on a silver rose gold platter. There is no trouble. No friction. No obstacles. Just a luxurious and privileged existence.

And come on, who can say they know what that’s like?

As we’ve seen recently, even Taylor Swift has to deal with unpleasantries every now and then.

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That’s not real life. As they say, $h!* happens and life gets messy, to say the least.

And so, hearing that I’m a princess, it would almost make me angry. It’d make me think, That’s just not true! I’ve had to fight to become who I am. It wasn’t handed to me. The person I’ve become is the result of a lot of literal blood, sweat, and tears. And grace. 

Being called a princess – that felt cheap. Patronizing. Fake. Disingenuous.

If I were anything, it would be a warrior princess.

A feminine fortress. A female fighter. A girlie gladiator. (lol who says that?!)

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God equipped me with the grace to get through those times in my life. Those non-princess moments.

And He delighted in my perseverance.

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That’s what I’ve come to peace with from that book. That’s how I’ve had to reframe it in my mind. Not that I’m some fragile princess, sitting on a plush, velvet pillow, but that I am delighted in. All of me. All of my past. All of my short comings. All of my seasons of trial and error. He delights in me because He so loves me.

And you know what that also does? It takes the pressure off. It gives me freedom to embrace the realness of who I am, who I was, and who I’m becoming.

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I don’t have to be princess material. I don’t have to have a past that could be delightfully depicted as a Disney movie.

I just have to be me. A girl who loves God, and who is loved by God, despite my fears and failures.


I am delighted in. And so are you.

 

 

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

270 thoughts on “Don’t Call Me Princess”

      1. I love your comment about being a warrior Princess. I spent my whole childhood and teenage years as a mixed race child whose hair wouldn’t grow wanting to be like the golden haired princesses in the fairy tales. These fantasies actually made me very ill. My life with self-harm bulimia rampant cocaine addiction could not be depicted as a Disney movie. But I am a recovery warrior Princess as I have overcome so much. Warrior princesses come in different shapes and sizes including being five foot two and having Afro hair. I am back to praying almost every day and had a fabulous phone prayer session with the Priest who taught me a course on Christianity. I am going to call him back next week as the prayer session was so powerful. I think I have my faith back which makes life in 12 Step a hell of a lot easier..

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      2. Hi Caroline, thank you for sharing this. Yes, would are a warrior princess! A beautiful, strong and kind hearted survivor. And I admire that so much. I’m so glad that session went well! That brings my heart so much joy:) sending so so much love and hugs xox

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  2. ‘Because I was not princess material. I had things in my past that disqualified me from a princessed existence.”

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  3. I have to disagree. Pardon the partial comments…but here it comes. We all know you well by now that you deserve to be called princess more than any royalty walking this earth. You are a notch above all I have seen. And I think Jesus agrees. He donated His blood to buy you. Not just a pint. All of it. Happy weekend!

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    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful and encouraging response, my friend. Wow-what an incredibly kind thing to say. Yes, His blood bought you and I and everyone-even in our imperfect state. He deemed us worthy. Hallelujah. Thanks for stopping by. Have a beautiful weekend! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 3 people

  4. I’m right there with ya! Never ascribed to the princess title either. But God’s unyielding love has a way of changing our perspective, doesn’t it? 🙂 Btw- I love Captivating! Def one my daughter’s will get as they grow older! Beautiful post!

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  5. Great post and a great message.
    You are a Princess, a daughter of God. As are all women!
    It’s us that has the wrong view of what it means to be a princess, especially with the views of a princess in the world such as in Disney. We go through struggles and tough times but being a Prince or Princess is, just like our salvation, isn’t a title you earn. It is one that you are born into and by being born again we are children of God, born into his royal family.
    We just need to be who we are, we are automatically a Prince/Princess no matter what.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks friend. I think you’re right-we have nothing to do with that Title. It was bestowed upon us when Jesus took to the cross. Thank you for this powerful perspective. Hope you have a great weekend! Big hugs! Xox

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  6. I love that you chose to use the term “Warrior Princess”. My Dad was the first one to teach it to me, and my sisters and I have used it ever since. (My boyfriend even uses it in reference to me. 🙂 ) God designed us to be fighters – heck, I was named after a woman who killed a general and saved the people of Israel. The cool thing is, we were designed to fight for His kingdom. Be it through fighting for our children’s heritage and education, or fighting for His name to be spread in the work place…..or even by fighting ourselves and surrendering to the King. (Something I had to learn the hard way.) I think using those terms can bring greater encouragement to girls – that is what I want to be….I intend to call my daughters the same.

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  10. I love how you pointed out that He delights in your perseverance. It took me a long time to realize that it was okay to not just passively wait for magic from heaven in response to my prayers. I love that God loves to do REAL LIFE with us. That is where the intimacy of our relationship with Him grows ❤️

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  14. I love virtually anything the Eldredge family publishes! God fathered me through some very bleak and dark times and places with Wild At Heart (the masculine companion to Captivating) and Fathered By God – such Spirit-breathed stuff! Anyway, onward!
    I agree, and I don’t, but it’s not really about that 😉 Of course I’ll add to the noise totally debunking your “non-princess material” mishmash, but the truth is (and I know you know it but who gets tired of hearing it again?) Jesus took your death, and your un-princessly-ness and your muck and guck and he gave you his character back–everything he deserves, you deserve. That’s how you became a princess. And just an aside about what he did, somehow religion has prettified the reality out of Jesus’ death, it was the most gruesome, torturous thing, I was reading in Psalms 22 where David prophecies about how Jesus would die and it was so utterly…utter…he says ‘my heart melts like wax in the midst of my bowels,’ I’ve heard some people say he was heart-broken to death.

    BUT what’s even more important than that, is that Jesus didn’t stay dead, or heart-broken. He came back victorious with power over death and hell and he gave us that power which we receive in baptism of water and the Holy Spirit. And then he sat down at the right hand of God. Boom. No more work, because everything was finished. Except that there needed to be a few more rooms in his house for us, of course. And it’s that rest where the Beauty of the Lord (and where the beauty of a woman) becomes captivating. And yeah. I totally get where you’re coming from, life is $#!*-real, the church is full of warrior princesses. And I think that’s a good and desirable identity. And maybe I’m not disagreeing as much as adding, but there’s a deeper part of the identity of everyone that has got to be rooted in an identity of rest, no more striving to get what we already have, no ‘slaving’ like the prodigal brother for what he already had access to in the Father’s house…because you being a princess (and clearly Disney’s definition isn’t an accurate depiction 😉 ) and me being a prince, irregardless of how far off we were to begin with or how much sludge he had to part for us to pass through, that’s what Jesus died to accomplish, and he said it was finished 2000-some years ago and as long as it’s called Today the most foundational position is, Rest.

    Another excellent post, all-around (:
    Happy Friday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Carson! Wow thank you for this awesome reflection. You always have such a profound and heartfelt perspective and I so appreciate hearing it. You’re so right though-despite my muck and guck, Jesus says I am His and that’s all that matters. And yes, it’s hard to imagine a scene more horrific than the scene from the passion, but it’s true. What a gift. A selfless and awe-inspiring gift. Have a great weekend. Hugs and love xox.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Haha! Several months ago, I was sooooo surprised when I saw a new follower on my twitter account and guess who?! It’s Aaron Carter.. If he’s still the same Aaron that I used to have a crush on, I would die.. But now, I was like really??? Aaron Carter?? Hahahaha

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      1. Yeah! I had to share it on my FB page and my friends were like.. Maybe he’s bored or needs more followers?? Hahaha but hey! He was really cute before.. Now I have his song in my head now playing ( I got a crush on you) haha

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  20. Great post! Definitely something that needs consideration and reflection. While “Disney Princess” is not the ideal to strive for, there are virtues to being a princess. Christine de Pizan was a medieval author (one of the first female authors!!) who wrote a book called Treasure of the City of Ladies all about living a virtuous life as a royal/someone higher up in the world. She talks of wisdom, prudence, faithfulness, and it’s also very practical. There are expectations, of course, but that’s because virtue requires them. God does not love us any less when we choose not to be virtuous, or see us as any less of his precious daughters. But we strive (try, often poorly) for the ideal! Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts! God bless!

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    1. How interesting! Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s an awesome perspective. I want to read her book! It sounds pretty fascinating. And very true too. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  21. I understand, but I’m still going to refer to my daughters as princesses, warped tiaras or not. To me the label does not reflect Disney-like perfection, only inherent value and standing – which is given by God.

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  22. A true princess is also a Warrior, one with the ability & voice to fight for others. A princess does not wear glass slippers or are treated as a fragile doll. True Princesses are the ones who lead.

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  27. You go girl! I think you will like the post I just put up about Paul and Silas being released from the prison in Philipi: Freedom, not from the world, but to go into the world. Keep ministering, Princess.
    Oscar

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  29. Beauty, you don’t have to look like a princess to be a one. You were created by God in his own image. The movies that you see are created by man. What man creates is why alot of people get the wrong impression of others. I have two expressions and I try to pass these on to all who like you in this post mentioned looking like a princess. ” 1. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. 2. It’s is the inside of the person that counts.
    This post inspired me for my next post so I will have a link on mine redirecting them to yours.

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  32. ED Warrior Princess 😛 maybe we should call you Zelda hehe. sorry I’m in such a weird mood at this moment in time which makes a change, I’m having to fight the return of the severe depression its a struggle but I got some amazing encouragement from church family today, I know I take encouragement from you also which is an amazing help, I hope you enjoyed you day. lots of love to you Sis x

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  33. YES YES YES!!! I have always squirmed whenever hearing others tell their children or kids at church that they were princesses, and even worse God’s princesses. I share the same thoughts as you, Im glad I’m not the only one.

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  34. Oh goodness. I praise Jesus for you, Carolyn, really.
    I have needed this right now. For a long time, I have always, even today, lived the lie that I need to be a certain way for Jesus to accept me. It’s led to legalism, and a lot of fear, way back when other living factors created a mess of me, and a very wrong view of who Jesus was.

    I especially needed to hear this, this week, as multiple tragedies have hit my close family friend, my church, and many other friends/loved ones.

    Jesus Loves me, and even delights in me, here. His Love is loyal, through this, as our sister Lauren Daigle sings (“Loyal,” by Lauren Daigle: https://youtu.be/xXKG-ooExGs). He is my Refuge. I am His Daughter, His Princess.

    Praise Jesus for calling you to write such beautiful, biblical Truth, right when He knew I needed it. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Carolyn.

    Your sister in Christ,
    Annalee

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    1. It just amazes me, that Jesus delights in us… Even when there is so much pain, sin, and chaos surrounding us. That He still Loves us, even when we are the reason the world seems to be falling apart. Praise Jesus for His Grace, Mercy, and desire to save, and pledge Himself, to us. ❤

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    2. Hi Annalee, oh my goodness thank you so much for this beautiful note. You have so touched my heart with this. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had to deal with some tragedy recently. I will be praying for you and yours. Looking forward to checking out that song. Hugs and love xox

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      1. Thank you for your prayers; they are needed.
        “Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 3 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, 4 always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, 5 for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;7 just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace.” (Philippians 1:2-7, NKJV)

        These are the words I feel, towards you! I praise Jesus for you, and for what He has released you from– and how He has led to share this amazing stuff with others. He is using you, Carolyn! What an amazing God we serve. Have a blessed day!

        With Love in Christ,
        Annalee

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  36. Perfectionism is deadly, as I’m sure you know, since perfect does not exist in this world. Being Perfect leads us away from God. Acknowledging our imperfection draws us closer. Perfect’s original meaning was simply FINISHED. Life on a velvet cushion is pretty boring.

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  37. Thank you for liking a post about my son. He is a Prince! Now that I am reading your stories, I realize my daughter is truly a Princess! She has had many struggles too and kept her head up high. She is a warrior Princess! Blessings on your journey!

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  40. Spontaneously responding always feels the best. I am responding to your kindness in responding to others on such a large scale. This is my honest spontaneous response that arrives at a conclusion of you being so kind. You are precious and kind my thoughts are telling me and so I’m now telling you. Thank you in Jesus and Jesus in you.

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  42. This post didn’t go where I thought it was going to go! I’ve read that book too, and I wasn’t so impressed, I think because of the princess thing. I have never been the princess type. I was building trails in the woods behind our house growing up. Now I run our wanna be homestead with one daughter (4) who would rather dress up as a monkey, and another daughter (2) who suddenly without any prompting discovered she likes pink frilly dresses and dances around saying ‘Princess!’ I don’t know how that happened. Anywho, thank you for sharing how you’ve reframed it. I may have to pick it up again!

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    1. Thanks Rebekah! So glad it resonated with you:) hah I love that your little lady likes to dress up as a monkey! That is so adorable. Who knows, maybe you have a future gymnast on your hands:) big hugs xox

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  47. Yes, your life is the legacy of a true warrior Princess 😉 This is how you are known in heaven. And nothing in this world has the power to change that.
    If you forget your identity sometimes, you can use this challenge to remember it more deeply, with more boldness and clarity, and declare the truth over your life with words of faith and authority that set you free again and again, to get back into alignment with the vision of Christ and his plans for you in this season of your life.

    May this season of your life – and every season in the future – be always the best season in your life.

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  49. This has opened my eyes in a new way to embrace my flaws and to trust that God doesn’t want me to be perfect in my flesh but perfected in spirit, grace, love, peace, etc

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