Swiping for Love

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Warning.

This is a post about my love life.

Or rather…lack there of.

You guys, I have a confession…I recently joined the dating app, Bumble.

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It was a moment of weakness. I was out with friends and my inhibitions were…how should I say…compromised. (Dang tequila…)

But my friends made a profile for me and…whatever. It’s honestly been kind of fun to just swipe through and see who’s out there.

But here’s the thing. Bumble is the dating app where women have to message first…in the first 24 hours, or the match goes away.

And if you’ve read even 5 words of my blog, I think you can probably infer that…..I hate that.

And you would be correct. I am literally as traditional as they come, so reaching out and messaging first goes against absolutely every fiber of my wannabe-June-Cleaver being.

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But I eventually worked up the courage to do so. At first, my friends had to take my phone and message for me. Then, they would just be there for moral support, and finally, I have recently been able to message first.

So we’d have a couple back and forth texts, but as soon as I would get asked out for coffee or drinks, I would always, just…ghost. I’d not respond. Hang up. Goodbye. Nice knowing ya.

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Because, honestly…dating is scary for me. Being in your twenties and being a virgin has a lot of, shall we say, complicated baggage to go along with it.

Sex is just something that isn’t even batted an eyelash at anymore. There’s the “three date rule” and nowadays, with the online hookup culture, that timeline has become even shorter.

No judgement here, it just isn’t on the table for me. I’m saving myself for my husband. Period. And I love that decision. But it just makes dating, well….slightly terrifying.

He’s going to dump me the second he can’t take me home. I’m going to be a waste of his time. He’s going think I’m a freak. He’s gonna think I’m a clinger. What am I going to say?

And honestly, I’ve been able to handle it with grace thus far. I’ve been able to communicate my decision, and the guys have been incredibly respectful. And stuck around.

Granted…I didn’t meet those guys on the internet…

But I digress. Back to Bumble.

There’s something about your mid twenties where things just all of a sudden get serious. It’s like overnight, everyone and their brother are getting engaged. Getting married. Announcing pregnancies. Buying houses. Becoming doctors. It’s like…there’s no more “when I grow up” mentality, because, news flash…you’re there, buddy. You’re living it.

I have always had a vision for my life. When I’d get married. When and how many kids I was going to have. You know…

And I’m rapidly approaching my “kill-me-if-I’m-not-married-by-then” age. As is…it’s two years away.

A little mental math here…one year engagement, at least one year of dating…

Anddddd cue the internal freak out.

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So just this afternoon, I was texting my friends in a group chat, and half joked that I was going to hand over my Bumble profile to my mom. Have her manage it. Set me up with a gentleman that she thinks would be good husband material and the right guy for me.

#motherknowsbest

And, of course, I was saying it mainly for the laugh. But I would by lying if I said I didn’t actually think about it seriously.

And as I was sitting in church today, my mind drifted back to that text message I sent.

And I realized…Holy crap, Caralyn. That’s actually what I’m supposed to do. 

Not hand over my dating life to my mother. But to my Father. My Heavenly Father.

Here I am, giving myself a hernia about time tables and cute opening lines, and which emoji I should use to communicate just the right amount of cute/sassyness without being desperate or overbearing.

I can just hand it all over.

Let Him control it.

Now, I’m not saying that God is going to control my Bumble profile. Come on, that’s lunacy. But I am going to be open to the men God brings into my life. I am going to be open to being vulnerable and putting myself out there.


And I’ve decided that my goal for September is to go on one date. Actually say yes to an invitation (maybe from Bumble, maybe not) and be emotionally open. And I’m counting on y’all to hold me accountable to that. 🙂

I shouldn’t be scared to date because I’m afraid of a couple raised eyebrows at my choice to  save myself until marriage. Clearly, the right guy will appreciate that, and I trust that God will bring that guy into my life.

I just have to hand it over.

Give Him the reins and as they say, fuh-gedduh-bout-it.

Anywho. That’s all for tonight. Thanks for being my personal relationship therapist.

Send me your invoice 😉



What’s one way you’re going to put yourself out there this month?

**MOM’S RESPONSE


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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

345 thoughts on “Swiping for Love”

  1. I applaud your commitment to not falling into the worldly traps of temptation that can easily lead us down a very bad road. There is no sense in putting oneself into a position where they could fall victim to a nasty stumbling block. It’s certainly not easy in regards to finding someone without that lingering trap around the corner, but as Christians we are no longer slaves to sin.

    Stick to your guns, keep your most precious gift safe and sound for your husband, a brother in Christ. Good luck and may you endure by His grace and mercy!!

    Like

  2. Wow… I’m not even sure how to begin. I’m really glad i stumbled upon your blog. It’s like in every post, you’re talking about me. I think we’re very similar. I struggled for 7 years with an addiction of sorts. I’m 19 and well, I’ve been in recovery for about 3 years (since i made the decision to quit). And you’re a very big inspiration to me to keep on track. Maybe one day, like you, I’ll be open to talking about what i went through.
    Okay…about this post. Yah, something like this happens to me too. I start talking to a guy and the moment i get an inkling that he wants to meet up or that we’re getting closer, i go AWOL. Like i drop off the face of the earth. I don’t reply texts, pick calls and i avoid the person. It’s like I’ve put up this massive wall between myself and everyone else. And I’m only 19 but it’s like all of my friends are having boyfriends and stuff. i kind of feel left out but I’m my own obstacle. I’m terrified of intimacy (not talking physically here but generally, the idea of being that close and opening myself to another human being). So anyways, the part i really liked was
    “…But I am going to be open to the men God brings into my life. I am going to be open to being vulnerable and putting myself out there.”
    If God brings a guy into my life, the least i could do is welcome him, right?
    Thanks so much for your courage and dedication and your words. Keep up the good work.
    🙂

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    1. Hi Jo, thank you so much for sharing your journey. I’m so glad you’ve found the freedom of recovery:) and I so feel you! AWOL is definitely the term for my actions too. I think part of me fears letting someone in to see all the “not so lovely” parts including my past. By you’re right-lets welcome those guys! 🙂 thanks for reading. Bugs hugs to you xox

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  3. I was wanting to comment on this for a while but just wanted to say have been going through the similar situation…. I agree with what you have to say and I am working on it too cause for me I​ assume good about a person and when they have done something wrong I just assume the worst of that person but learning to let that go.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Loved your honesty and your wit. I hope that I encouraged you to express your raw honesty to the Lord Himself. My wife and I have a number of single friends who are living your exact same feelings, and my essential prayer for them is for Courage, Wisdom and Grace. Courage to allow yourself to vulnerable enough to get into and relationship. Courage enough to quickly get out of the ones you know should go nowhere because there is no reason to waste time. Wisdom to know the difference between the two above. And Grace, for living your best day today as you are, prized by God, and apparently loved by many. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Greg

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  5. Love this! God is the ultimate Matchmaker, He brought me and my hubby together 23 years ago and we’re still going strong thanks to His Grace! We have 3 girls aged 19, 20 and 21 and all of them are saving themselves for their ‘Godly man’ as we have done. Good on you girl, it’s worth the wait! ☺

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  6. BBB, In April 2016 I wrote a blog titled, “Hallmarks 0f a Good Marriage.” Of course I can’t be sure, but I think you’d find it interesting, so I am passing it on. Continuing to pray for you, Greg

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  7. I love this post. 🙂 You are adorable and it is adorable. I loved it because it reminds of when I met my wife… over myspace.com And back then, it was weird to meet people online, so, as my wife likes to remind me, I was a total creeper. But somehow I won her over. Your post reminded me of how scared and excited I was. I pray the same for you. Love is beautiful and wonderful. Wait to go for keeping sex till marriage, too! I did as well, and did not regret it at all. It was the special gift I could give my wife that was only hers, and it meant a lot. I know there are so many more pressures on women than men. It’s not fair at all. Praying for you. Anyway, I wish you all the best, and thank you for visiting my blog, too. 🙂

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    1. Aw, thank you so much 🙂 haha what a fun story of how you met your wife! so inspiring. Thanks for your encouragement. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that decision 🙂 And thanks for the prayers. big hugs xo

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  11. This is a very inspiring and engaging read. I am happy to know there are still a lot of women like you. Like me. And you’re one beautiful being. I am sure the right man will come at the right time and place.

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  13. When I was a youth leader I used to tell the girls it’s not that you’ll be damaged if you don’t sleep with only the man you marry. It’s just that when you do get married, you’ll wish with all your heart that he had been the only one. You’ll want to have had that special gift for him. And you might wonder now and then what you’re missing. Everyone has those panicky moments in life about only being with one spouse for all time. You might have to ask another married friend “Is that normal?” But Caralyn, your story is awesome. You’re a modern woman and you’ve lived a full and I’ll even say an exciting life. You’ve gone a long time without coping mechanisms. That’s a great testimony. Keep on proving that it’s possible to remain abstinent. Keep on trusting God’s wisdom. Keep on sharing what He does and who He is. Believe it or not, it’s groundbreaking.

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    1. Thank you so much Heather. What a kind thing to say. You’re right, God is good and He will take care of me. I do trust that 🙂 What a powerful job. It sounds like you made a difference in a lot of young people’s lives. That’s awesome. So glad you stopped by! hope you’re having a great day xox

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  16. […] Same with boys. I could be dating. You know, really put myself out there to meet Mr. Right.  I could go to the young adult singles group after Mass. I could go to any of the many christian singles events in this big booming metropolis. I could make myself emotionally available to certain gentlemen who have an interest. But I don’t. I keep my heart at arm’s distance. Never show my cards. Never become emotionally vulnerable with any guy. Chalk it up to “not being ready for a relationship“… […]

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  17. Love this post….one thing though – I’m at the way past the even thinking about it stage – so if you’re worried – I should be in lunatic mode. Married 28 years, divorced 8 – wow – hahaha God’s been busy trying to figure this one out 🙂 – I’ll wait.

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  18. Too much thinking of marriage, relations, singleness, dates, etc… It’s your idol. God will not give you what draws you from Him, even if you think it is SO IMPORTANT to you. Father will never get her small daughter an electric bike which she desires so much, because once she used a simple push-bike and got lost on the other side of the city….

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  19. It’s literally like I’m reading my life. 22 years old, single, no precious long relationships, virgin. Everything in this post, I literally think about all the time. You’re like my internet spirit animal. Good luck to you, much love xoxo
    Also I’m totally going through your old posts so don’t be surprised if you see a lot of me liking your stuff haha

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    1. Hi Caitlin, thank you so much for sharing this. Aw, i’m so glad this resonated with you so personally. haha spirit animal! love it! and no worries! i’m honored that you would take the time to read my words! big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I love every bit of this post. Trusting God is absolutely the right way. He brought my husband into my life and we both just “knew”. We were married in a little court house ceremony within two months! Everyone thought we were nuts but ten years later we are still in love, still happy just being together. God has the perfect man for you and you are honoring God (which is so huge and rare) while you wait.

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