This Might Piss People Off

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Growing up, I always knew three things:

  1. Wearing a gray shirt washed me out (I would proclaim this as a “fashion conscious” and unapologetically precocious 7 year old)
  2. We had to go to church on Sunday.
  3. My father was a good man.

Those were mainstays in my life. How those things morphed into a life threatening case of anorexia is beyond me, but that’s not what this post is about.

Growing up in the suburbs of Ohio in the nineties, things were pretty…normal. (Well, aside from a professional acting career.) But I played in the woods, listened to Hanson, had sleepovers, and never had anything to worry or be afraid of.


Every night, when my dad would come home from work, we would always play this game: I would always hide underneath the kitchen table, and he’d pretend to not know where I was. And then I’d pop out and he’d be so excited and happy to see me. Looking back, I just remember feeling so delighted in. So loved. Cherished, in every sense of the word.

He was (and is) a good man.


This election has brought about a lot of ugliness on both sides. A lot of name calling. Gross generalizations. I’ve written about it. You’ve commented on it. Okay. No need to rehash.

But if there’s one thing that really saddens me, is the rhetoric about white males – we don’t have to go into detail, but it rhymes with shmeshoginistic, shmomaphobic, and shmite shupremecist.

And I’m going to be really honest, last night, I cried myself to sleep thinking about how my father must feel, having all these horrendous names and gross generalizations being tossed around about, in particular, white, Christian males from the Midwest. And how, he just has to take it.

So instead of making this political or defensive or anything like that, I wanted to honor my father, and share a few lessons that he’s taught me.


1) Give to the less fortunate. 

Growing up, my family never discussed finances. But we did discuss charity. And the importance of it.

It was never seen as something to be dreaded or an obligation, but rather, a joy. A opportunity to share God’s love through the resources we’ve been entrusted with. I remember growing up he funded a “tin roof” village in Nicaragua, he built a well that supplied fresh and clean water to a community in Guatemala, he *secretly* paid the salary of a worker at our church, financially supported missionaries, gave of his time for free on the executive boards of charities and pregnancy centers. Giving was in his blood. Never a burden. Always a joy.

And he instilled that in his family. My brother spent a year after college volunteering with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. My other brother’s life work is providing and creating dignified and individualized home healthcare centers for the elderly. My mom built houses in Nicaragua and gave english lessons to a refugee woman from Afghanistan.

Dear Media: this man is not greedy or a xenophobic bigot.

2) Respect all people, and behave inclusively.

My dad, being the business man that he was, was ahead of his time in how he conducted his company. Back in the early nineties, long before it was “cool,” he would go out of his way to empower women in the workplace and remove any and all “glass ceilings” in the company.

He instilled in my brothers and I that all people, no matter of gender, color of skin, religion, sexual orientation, nationality – every person deserves respect and has an undeniable dignity as a person. There is zero tolerance for anything less than that. Zero.

Dear Media, this man is neither mysognistic or racist.

3) Family first, always.

There was no sporting event, dance recital, play, parent-teacher conference, or family dinner that my dad missed. We joke that he’d literally change clothes in the bushes to make it to my brothers’ football practice after work at the office. (He was their little league assistant coach). He turned down job promotions that would have moved our family to the Philippines, Germany, China. Don’t get me started on the dedication he had to helping me heal from my anorexia and ulcerative colitis.

The man sacrificed his time, his energy, his life, really, for his family.

Dear Media: this man is not a ruthless capitalist.

4) Let your actions do the evangelizing.

Which, hah, I’m realizing that with this blog I’m literally doing the opposite…

My dad never forced his (very strong) religious beliefs upon anyone. He taught us that we should show our love for the Lord in how we treat people. In the words we speak. In the way we respect the poor and disenfranchised. In the way we stand up for the kid in the lunchroom who is being bullied.

So, I guess, consider this post my standing up for my father. Because he, like many other silent but strong men, he hears the jeers, the jabs, the jarring generalizations and stereotypes being perpetuated about white, Christian males, by the mainstream media and uttered by people who are hurt and angry about the outcome of the election.

I understand, emotions are heightened, and there are perceived concerns/fears, but as my father taught me, before one speaks, one should consider a) is it true, b) is it necessary c) is it kind?

Because there are a lot of men having to just take it, because heaven forbid a white male stand up for himself.

He is not any of the ___”ist” words being hurled like grenades. He has spent a lifetime earning his credibility and I’m going to defend the upstanding man who raised me.

Ok, for fear of going “too far” I’m going to sign off here.

I hope this comes across as it was meant.

Here’s to all men of every race, color and creed who exemplify the values that we millennials need to look up to. Thank you for being everyday heroes.

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437 thoughts on “This Might Piss People Off”

  2. Great post and I am happy to know you are your father’s daughter! Parents (besides God and life lessons) are what make us who we are, and to honor them is not only biblical, but just…right.

    Although I voted probably differently than you by the looks of it, I too live in the Midwest (Indiana, right across from you actually!), and as a minority, I can say that there are a lot of…those cleverly named individuals that happen to be white in the Midwest. You probably read my post (or two), but I have experienced it.

    However, I agree with your sentiment that there are is a lot of rhetoric of over generalizations of Caucasian people. My parents are white because I’m adopted, and they are far from white supremacist, misogynistic people haha! I think that’s why the most important thing that we all do, regardless of party, is have dialogue. REAL dialogue, like you and I are having now, to understand each other. 🙂

    Yes, there are real people and minorities hurting and being hated on/vicitmized by white people. But so too, there are minorities that are unfairly hating on/victimizing white people as well. I think we can all agree though, that the key is education and understanding on both sides–and that we are all red blooded, God created people.

    Great post and I loved reading it! Sorry for the long comment heh.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. First of all, I am so sorry that you personally experienced ill-treatment. That breaks my heart and I hope you know that you did not deserve that. And secondly, I so agree with you that REAL, honest dialogue is absolutely the key, and I thank you for seeking to understand and being willing to listen with compassion and love and respect. You exemplify exactly what our country needs. Thanks again 🙂 big big hugs to you friend xox

      Liked by 3 people

      1. YOU’RE awesome and I am so appreciative of people that have a good heart like you! Keep writing and doing what you’re doing, because I for one love it.

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  5. I read the title and was already pissed off. 😉 No but, yeah, the media isn’t doing anyone much service by bashing on white males because they’re not all terrible people. Nice post!

    Liked by 1 person

    2. thank you so much 🙂 (sorry early “send”) you’re right – broad generalizations – no matter who they’re generalizing – can be hurtful because they don’t take the individual into account. We should see the heart, and the love it has. Thanks for stopping by 🙂 always a joy to hear from you 🙂 hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This is really cool. Thanks for sharing this. It makes me sad as a woman to hear other women hate on men, or men hate on themselves. One guy recently said to me that he recently realized that it’s possible to be sexist to a man. I just wish there was more of a balance.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. What a beautiful anthology to your father in prose. I hope he reads this and knows that you and your family appreciate the honourable dedicated loving man he was and is. There are many that can’t make this kind of claim, and that saddens me. Your father changed and influenced hundreds of lives along the way. Though they may not have said so or even thanked him for all he has done for women, family, co workers, friends, he undoubtedly changed the lives of many, steering others along a gracious and noble path. Your words do him credit and you as well, and I for one, thank you for sharing your thoughts and affection as there were many of us who did not have this kind of an upbringing, or caring father.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for this kind response. Yeah, I sent it to him this morning and he said he was incredibly touched 🙂 You’re right, he really was an agent of love and respect. And I definitely do not take for granted how tremendously blessed I was to have a kind and loving father, because you’re right – sadly that is not the case for every, which breaks my heart. I thank you for stopping by and taking the time to craft such a thoughtful response. Big hugs xo

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  8. Beautiful post! I have also shed many tears this year for husbands, fathers, brothers, the men of this country we used to call, “salt of the earth.” I married a good one, a hard worker, but he’d give you the shirt off his back. It’s totally broken my heart to see him and men like him, so disrespected, so despised.

    I don’t think we’re alone, a whole lot of women really wrestled with this election, stuck somewhere between the truth about the men we know and love, and the narratives being put forth by the media. It was a real act of love, not of hate, for many of us to vote the way we did.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for this. You’re right, it breaks my heart about the rhetoric being thrown around. Yeah, I agree – it was a tremendously difficult election for a lot of reasons. Now we can just pray for our country, its healing, and our new leader 🙂 Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. it means a lot! hugs to you friend xox

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  10. Great post. Unfortunately so much of who we are is tied up into the us vs them mentality. No matter who “us” or “them” is. Really just makes people feel better about themselves, having another “them” to scapegoat and send into the wilderness with all their sin and anger. Can be cathartic on a personal level, but always divides groups against each other.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for this John, sadly, you’re right in that the us/them thinking is totally pervasive. And often times perpetuated by the media. I wish we could all see with “love goggles” that are inclusive and tolerant 🙂 haha, wishful thinking but hey, I’m throwing it out there 🙂 lol thanks for stopping by! big big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you, from one of the much-loathed heterosexual, Caucasian, Judeo-Christian males of European descent; a “deplorable”, if you will! I believe the values demonstrated by your dad are the hallmark of Western society; values that are universal, regardless of sexual preference, race, religion, sexual identity, etc.

    Preach it!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Yeah, I would have to agree – his leads by example and I look up to him so much. From one “deplorable” to another 😉 thanks for reading and writing such a thoughtful response! hugs xo

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  14. Beautiful tribute to your father and white males everywhere! The pendulum really has been swinging the other way the last several years. I love this, great insight. So warm and earnest.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Superlative tribute to your father specifically, and to all men (even white males lol) of upstanding character and integrity. Very well written with a much-needed, balanced perspective! As one of those men, I want to personally thank you! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Not gonna say much–but anyone who says that about your father, needs to look at you and realize that any father who has you for a daughter could not possibly be any of those things. You are the best thing he has to show he’s a great man and a great father.

    ~Tom

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome 🙂 your post and your respect for your father, no one can accuse him of being any of those things for raising such an intelligent and godly woman.

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  18. If only the POTUS elected would have listened to what your father said ” before one speaks, one should consider a) is it true, b) is it necessary c) is it kind?”, we would not have this situation here today. It is difficult to brush everything he said as just politics.

    I only hope someday my daughter would have something nice to say about me. Kudos to you.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Dear Caralyn, very pleased to know your father. You have every right to defend him. I think he’s no less than awesome. Kindly send my honor & regards to your father & your family. My lesson learned from this post, before you speak, think of it first, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind… I think this post is a gem for every man/man-to-be (boys, teens, young men). Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. It never crossed my mind to group all successful white males with trump. I suppose being from the uk I’m removed from the situation so I haven’t seen this reaction. I don’t see how a man such as you’ve just described could even vote for a man such as trump so why people would tar them with the same brush is beyond me. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this reflection. It’s so interesting to hear how the election and its ramifications have made their way “across the pond” 🙂 Yeah, generalizations are often hurtful because they don’t take the individual into account. thanks so much for stopping by! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  25. You father taught you some important lessons. I know he loved you dearly because the lessons he taught you are critical for survival. I like the one about being generous and helping others. There is so much fulfillment and happiness that comes from extending yourself. This election has had a horrible effects on society, but people who have cultivated a positive and decent heart will not turn to accepting hatred as a way of life. Thanks for sharing and let’s pray for the strength to cope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful and kind reflection, Trav. I agree, this election has caused a lot of people to stop seeing the *person* and instead, only seeing what *side* they’re on. But you’re so so right – we need strength as a nation to move beyond this and to cultivate love and acceptance. Glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I just want to let you know I’m here for you if you need to talk! I’ve struggled with bulimia and binge eating disorder.

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  33. Dear Carolyn , You are my favourite person EVER! Yes I don’t always agree with everything I read on the internet but with your work I take notice. You write with grace and wonderfully beautifully intelligence. You said something in the beginning of your blog and I feel I now must share a secret with you. However I don’t want to publicize it for the world to see because it’s a secret that I have just for you… I say this because I love OHIO too as I visit there very often. I have a very special reason I travel to Ohio.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It takes me 16Hrs one way if I travel with Greyhound through Detroit and 13hrs coming from Buffalo coming from Canada and all. I go for the preaching and I really enjoy the eating of Jubilee Donuts that is… When I come home back to Canada, I am exhausted…. Than I consistently make the trip because I love Jesus.

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      7. I have a secret for you my friend. I am coming back to the blogging world full time. It’s been very hectic at school lately and I haven’t had time to blog about the most important subjects that are in my life. They include God Jesus the Holy Spirit and of course his holy word. Let the Revival begin. By the way your friendship has been a great encouragement to me through these months. Who knew that someone on the opposite end of the Border could share the same wit intelligence humility compassion and love as I do for others much like you do. I don’t say this very often but I will say it now. Your friendship with me I want you to know that God is in that.

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      9. You are wonderful you have a way with words that would make Walt Whitman envious. You have better Insight than Ann Landers Dear Abby combined. Joy’s infectious amongst others. Your humility is seeing from Ocean to Ocean and is honored by the thousands of subscribers. You define the term Beauty Beyond bones when you walk into a room. Happy Thanksgiving my friend let it be enjoyable

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      16. Dear friends surprise surprise. How are you Carolyn? I want you to be the first to know that I’m going to create a devotional for tonight on the differences between Jacob and Esau and also the favoritism Joseph have a lovely day and keep that smile shining bright for the Lord

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  36. No getting pissed off here. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and your father is a lucky man to have you hold him in such high regard. Thank you for always finding the beauty in this ugly world. My father taught me many of the same values and I am going to call him tomorrow (he is in bed already) and thank him for those life lessons. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha thank you so much! Seriously though, Dwight, thank you. I really appreciate this kind and thoughtful reflection. I feel incredibly lucky to have him as a dad. Sounds like you’ve got a great “old man” too:) haha early to bed early to rise! Makes a man healthy…. wish I followed that advice 😂😂😂 Hugs and love xox

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  39. Words, words, words. But yours are not just words, indeed they are lovelets, thought-provoking, caring, comforting and balanced. I learned a long time ago that some hurtful words pierce our hearts and sting the soul. Although forgiveness may be sought later, it sometimes cannot be found (for example Book of Hebrews 12:17). So…thank you for the effort at soothing our damaged spirits after this terrible campaign and current crime wave disguised as protests.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. I have an acquaintance who still maintains that to have voted for Trump you must be a racist. I don’t. bother arguing with him because if you haven’t realized that’s not true by now, you’re too far gone.

    Look, I get it… Trump PROBABLY isn’t a good person. He is everything wrong with capitalism rolled into one dumpy, smug body. But the people who voted for him (most of them, anyway) are just tired of being treated like they’re less of a citizen. Of course it doesn’t help that his victory pushed the worst people to the front of everyone’s attention but that’s always what happens. We like to pretend that the world is made up of extremes. ALL Christians are against gay marriage, ALL black people hate you for being white, ALL liberals want to take your rights away, etc.

    I almost wish we could go back to a world without Twitter and Facebook. When I was young people still argued over politics but there was way less blatant lying going on. These days everyone believes all those crazy news stories that their out of touch grandmother posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this reflection. You’re right-the generalizations need to stop. We’ve got to start treating each other with the love and respect we all deserve. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  42. Happy to hear your thoughts in respect to your Father and to all the father’s out there who’ve never cease to think beautiful things for their children. Great one!

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Well said, and I completely agree. Love your post, and just want you to know, when I get a moment to pull over on the side of road to catch a breath; I always seem to find you on my email. I read, laugh, and feel refreshed, for that thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Love love love this!! Knowing some beautiful white Christian males myself (mainly my husband) I also have been saddened by the guilt being put on white males just because they are white males… it seems they are copping the brunt of guilt and shame from every quarter and it is not fair and it is not right. Your father sounds like a wonderful and decent man- God bless him and others like him! 😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

  48. I believe any type of generalization is unfair. For one/more bad person we should not call the entire country with bad name, nor the entire group of gender, nor the entire set of color or anything. It is the ungoodness only that needs to b addressed, for we all to some portion have flaws. Above all God prescribes in all scriptures- to Love all. To not backbite or slander. To look for not others faults but our own first.
    Recognizing spiritual maladies is important to transform it into goodness. See if we destroyed the entire orchard while weeding what would it bring?
    U know..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  49. My dear friend what a prefect way to honor your father. If anything I try to teach people is the value of sacrificial love, and doing random acts of kindness. Saying one is a Christian and not having the works to back it up and visa versa is much to big a problem today. As a white male clergy member in the South I get looked on with adoration from most people, there are the few that look at me and don’t respect me or the Collar at all (now I can careless if they don’t respect me, but I do care about the disrespect to what this Collar signifies). It’s time we stop this big temper tantrum and turn to our neighbors of all pigments and embrace them, for after all there is only one race and that is the Human Race!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this kind reflection. Yeah he’s a great man. Than you so much for giving your life to the Church. What an incredible gift you’ve given. Amen to that-we are all god’s children and members of the one human race. I appreciate your reflection Father! God bless xox

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