This Might Piss People Off

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Growing up, I always knew three things:

  1. Wearing a gray shirt washed me out (I would proclaim this as a “fashion conscious” and unapologetically precocious 7 year old)
  2. We had to go to church on Sunday.
  3. My father was a good man.

Those were mainstays in my life. How those things morphed into a life threatening case of anorexia is beyond me, but that’s not what this post is about.

Growing up in the suburbs of Ohio in the nineties, things were pretty…normal. (Well, aside from a professional acting career.) But I played in the woods, listened to Hanson, had sleepovers, and never had anything to worry or be afraid of.


Every night, when my dad would come home from work, we would always play this game: I would always hide underneath the kitchen table, and he’d pretend to not know where I was. And then I’d pop out and he’d be so excited and happy to see me. Looking back, I just remember feeling so delighted in. So loved. Cherished, in every sense of the word.

He was (and is) a good man.


This election has brought about a lot of ugliness on both sides. A lot of name calling. Gross generalizations. I’ve written about it. You’ve commented on it. Okay. No need to rehash.

But if there’s one thing that really saddens me, is the rhetoric about white males – we don’t have to go into detail, but it rhymes with shmeshoginistic, shmomaphobic, and shmite shupremecist.

And I’m going to be really honest, last night, I cried myself to sleep thinking about how my father must feel, having all these horrendous names and gross generalizations being tossed around about, in particular, white, Christian males from the Midwest. And how, he just has to take it.

So instead of making this political or defensive or anything like that, I wanted to honor my father, and share a few lessons that he’s taught me.


1) Give to the less fortunate. 

Growing up, my family never discussed finances. But we did discuss charity. And the importance of it.

It was never seen as something to be dreaded or an obligation, but rather, a joy. A opportunity to share God’s love through the resources we’ve been entrusted with. I remember growing up he funded a “tin roof” village in Nicaragua, he built a well that supplied fresh and clean water to a community in Guatemala, he *secretly* paid the salary of a worker at our church, financially supported missionaries, gave of his time for free on the executive boards of charities and pregnancy centers. Giving was in his blood. Never a burden. Always a joy.

And he instilled that in his family. My brother spent a year after college volunteering with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. My other brother’s life work is providing and creating dignified and individualized home healthcare centers for the elderly. My mom built houses in Nicaragua and gave english lessons to a refugee woman from Afghanistan.

Dear Media: this man is not greedy or a xenophobic bigot.

2) Respect all people, and behave inclusively.

My dad, being the business man that he was, was ahead of his time in how he conducted his company. Back in the early nineties, long before it was “cool,” he would go out of his way to empower women in the workplace and remove any and all “glass ceilings” in the company.

He instilled in my brothers and I that all people, no matter of gender, color of skin, religion, sexual orientation, nationality – every person deserves respect and has an undeniable dignity as a person. There is zero tolerance for anything less than that. Zero.

Dear Media, this man is neither mysognistic or racist.

3) Family first, always.

There was no sporting event, dance recital, play, parent-teacher conference, or family dinner that my dad missed. We joke that he’d literally change clothes in the bushes to make it to my brothers’ football practice after work at the office. (He was their little league assistant coach). He turned down job promotions that would have moved our family to the Philippines, Germany, China. Don’t get me started on the dedication he had to helping me heal from my anorexia and ulcerative colitis.

The man sacrificed his time, his energy, his life, really, for his family.

Dear Media: this man is not a ruthless capitalist.

4) Let your actions do the evangelizing.

Which, hah, I’m realizing that with this blog I’m literally doing the opposite…

My dad never forced his (very strong) religious beliefs upon anyone. He taught us that we should show our love for the Lord in how we treat people. In the words we speak. In the way we respect the poor and disenfranchised. In the way we stand up for the kid in the lunchroom who is being bullied.

So, I guess, consider this post my standing up for my father. Because he, like many other silent but strong men, he hears the jeers, the jabs, the jarring generalizations and stereotypes being perpetuated about white, Christian males, by the mainstream media and uttered by people who are hurt and angry about the outcome of the election.

I understand, emotions are heightened, and there are perceived concerns/fears, but as my father taught me, before one speaks, one should consider a) is it true, b) is it necessary c) is it kind?

Because there are a lot of men having to just take it, because heaven forbid a white male stand up for himself.

He is not any of the ___”ist” words being hurled like grenades. He has spent a lifetime earning his credibility and I’m going to defend the upstanding man who raised me.

Ok, for fear of going “too far” I’m going to sign off here.

I hope this comes across as it was meant.

Here’s to all men of every race, color and creed who exemplify the values that we millennials need to look up to. Thank you for being everyday heroes.

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437 thoughts on “This Might Piss People Off”

  1. Excellent post my dear! Your dad is the real deal. This is a great tribute to your dad and to the importance of good fathering (and mothering by proxy). As the white, blond, blue eyed president of the Charles Hodge Society at Princeton Seminary (an evangelical group named after one of Princeton’s most famous teachers who was a slave holder), I was seen as the most feared man on campus. Me! I’m just a ball of fluffy love! Every time I heard about my rep I just chuckled. Not true at all. Thanks for sharing your dad’s wisdom with us. Hope you are doing well. =)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful, I have exactly the same kind of dad. He is by no means a perfect man, no one is or can be but he was a near perfect father, and I am enormously proud of who he’s made me into because of it. Like you he had his own company and hired for skills not for anything else, we were taught this equAlity through this actions everyday. Cheers to the good men, and the great dads, I wish everyone was blessed enough to have one. Imagine how different our world would be if they did.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is a great post! I know you expressed concerns about how this blog is doing the opposite of letting your actions doing the evangelizing, but you’re sharing great examples of how actions can speak for your relationship with God! I think it’s something we all need to do more often. It’s really cool what can happen when God moves us to do something and we’re obedient.

    By the way, you were a professional actor? That’s what I wanted to be as a kid! I’d love to hear about your experiences.

    – Joe

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this kind reflection. I am so touched by your words, Joe. It really means a lot. So true! God can use broken vessels 🙂 And yes! THat’s what I’m trying to do in NYC now, too 🙂 hehe have a great night! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Another excellent writing job, my friend. Great topic as well. You are fortunate to have been raised in a Christian home with Godly parents. I continue to marvel at your stories and your ability to convey your heart with me. Thank you for sharing. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Great read. Generalizations as a whole are ignorant. This is why racism is so very wrong. To further your statement, there are other generalizations that are happening that are incorrect as well. The labels of what a “conservative” and “liberal” are are foolish as well. Each group makes these sweeping statements and presents the other as evil and misguided. As a Christian, I found it very hard to listen to Evangelistic Leaders saying that voting for Sec. Clinton was a vote for the Anti-Christ. This is very irresponsible. Using the pulpit to manipulate is wrong and can’t be justified! I thank God that there are people that think Kingdom before they think race, class, party and even gender. Keeping Christ as our focus can help us move the country forward and advance the Kingdom of God.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much PastorJDO. Yeah generalizations are rough because they paint with too wide of a brush. Amen to that: keeping Christ at the focus is what we should strive to do. In Him there is freedom and love. so glad you stopped by 🙂 hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Gold. I’m inspired. And I want to be a man like that. He is an important rock in the foundation of the grandest America that has ever existed. Bless you guys! And power to you for the courage to share boldly (it IS far more than the opposite of letting actions be your evangelising … it is a bold act indeed 🙂 ).

    Liked by 1 person

  15. “I understand, emotions are heightened, and there are perceived concerns/fears, but as my father taught me, before one speaks, one should consider a) is it true, b) is it necessary c) is it kind?” Love this! Your dad sounds like one in a million! What a beautiful tribute to a man who has served, loved, and cherished others before himself.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Thank you for yet another beautifully inspiring post!

    I wish I could say the same about my father, he is more monster than man. In the effort to break the cycle and become a good father myself one day, this post really helped me see the way a true father should behave.

    Thank you for showing the world, because it will inspire others to follow.

    Havoc

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Havoc, thank you for sharing a glimpse of your story. I am so sorry to hear that about you dad. Know that you did not deserve that. It breaks my heart that the man who was supposed to cherish and protect you did not live up to his end of the Deal. I know you will be a great dad 🙂 hugs to you friend xox

      Like

  18. Okay beautiful post, 2 things:

    1) “shmeshoginistic, shmomaphobic, and shmite shupremecist.” I had a very nice belly laugh xD

    2) From what we’ve read about your father, he seems exactly like the kind of person Christians are meant to be! Such an amazing person, you are truly blessed to have this man in your life 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Always remember the people behind the accusation. It’s hard to believe that none of those attacking others have loved ones who are men/women, White/Black/Asian/Native/etc, religious/irreligious, or whatever. Yet the way they act suggests they have no idea that it might hurt their loved ones. Or they even believe their loved ones deserve to be hurt for having the audacity to belong to that demographic. Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. This is so good! He sounds like a wonderful man. Things are never as black and white as people assume, being one thing doesn’t stop you from being another. We can never assume from a couple of facts about someone that they are a bad person, if anything the person making the assumptions is the bad person!

    Liked by 2 people

  25. I just wanted to say what great advice for us dads on how to best love their daughters by making sure they know that they are delighted in. I mean that is fantastic and I am definitely taking that little golden nugget to the bank.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. If you had added that we aren’t part of some shadowy patriarchy that seeks to oppress all women, this would have been perfect.

    Awesome post. It’s nice to see some people aren’t buying the garbage the media is selling.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. My husband is a middle aged, white, Christian, midwestern, business owner. He has been called racist, etc..He has been turned down for jobs he was highly qualified for because they were only hiring off the minority list. He said that Trump really reached men like him. Men that are none of the things they are accused of. Good men like your dad who strive to make this world a better place. Well said and God bless!!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. This is beautiful. It’s heartbreatking that an entire segment in our country is labeled at all, much less belittled by the media and ignored by politicians. We’re all Americans, and I believe, we all share many of the same hopes and dreams. That’s what unites us.
    Thank you so much for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. A vital and touching essay and tribute to your dad – thank you for your thoughtful writing. I’m beginning to see why so many people read when you write. And I like how you link to your past blogs; I’m learning function from you, too. Have a great day!!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. *slow clap* Bravo. Powerful stuff.

    There is an ugly, dare I call it evil, strain running through America. It’s been here for a while, but the mask is finally off. Which might be a good thing; we’ll see.

    Good men like your dad didn’t start it. Good people never start things like this. But it’s good to see good people like you standing up against it.

    Most people in this country ARE good and decent, which is why I’m hopeful. We just have to keep speaking the truth, i.e. God’s truth and, as you say, walk the talk.

    Your dad sounds like a fantastic guy. I too have been blessed with a great father who sounds a lot like your dad (minus the Midwestern part).

    Keep it up! Keep challenging those assumptions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so so much. I’m glad you can relate to having such a great “old man” 🙂 yes, I have hope too. I pray for our new leader and for our county-that we really can be “great” again and bring back all those powerful and upstanding values:) Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  38. Dear Caralyn:

    Rather than inciting any feeling of hostility or resentment, your post simply reinforces my belief that no government designed by us will ever deliver the gifts of strength, charity and grace that are promised in the Kingdom of God.

    This IN PARTICULAR in the context of the recent presidential campaign.

    Blessings!

    Brian

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Always remember this, Caralyn: The Ancient of Days, over which the Son of Man is given authority at the end of Daniel’s Dream of the Four Beasts, is the sun.

        There is a billion times as much energy leaving the sun as strikes the Earth.

        When harnessed to the service of unconditional love that power makes everything possible, and beggars the ambitions of tyrants.

        Like

  40. You do your Father proud! You have shown me what a TRUE man should be and what to look for in a man. I envy you your growing up years, but am glad to know how much they mean to you (enough to not only remember them but share them). Your heart and soul reveal the shining beauty you are! Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, Timere, thank for such a kind response. It truly means the world. Yeah I was incredibly blessed with a loving family. I don’t take that for granted one bit. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  41. We are almost neighbors, I was raised in Nebraska by a man very much like your dad.
    Dad wasn’t and isn’t a bigot, misogynist, racist or any of the other new labels the “Progressives” have invented over that past 20 years or so. Why is it so important to sling manure on men who did nothing more than take care of their families in the manner Western Culture demanded? I have some ideas, but I don’t know for sure. Maybe those hate filled Progressive’s daddies never bought them the pony they wanted? Maybe they didn’t get enough hugs? Or, more likely, those spoiled brats weren’t given proper boundaries.
    After 63 years of marriage, Mom crossed over 7 years ago. My “misogynistic” father was holding her hand sobbing his heart out, saying “a gentleman always lets a lady go first”. Dad is 91 now with advanced Alzheimer’s, he’ll ask me where my mother is and then remembers she’s gone. His grief comes back, then, like a freight train and he starts sobbing again. That makes me think just how cruel this disease is. However….
    Those hate filled labels people are trying to pin on him now won’t stick and he isn’t aware of them.
    I’m eternally grateful for the Alzheimer’s, at times, because Dad isn’t aware of what’s become of the country he loves and shed his blood for in WWII.
    I’ve about worn out the “Backspace” key on this comment. Partly due to writing too much personal stuff. Mostly because it sounded like I was justifying my Dad’s entire life and that pissed me off and I had to delete those rants.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your heart. Your parents sound like absolutely incredible people. Im so sorry to hear that your father is going through Alzheimer’s. That breaks my heart. Hesblessed tk have you by his side during it. I’ll keep him in my prayers. Thanks again for stopping by. You are a beautiful person. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. On behalf of my family, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. You are appreciated and so are your prayers.
        I am so thankful that through my little blog, I was able to find such beautiful souls as I’ve found here.
        Blessings of Light and Love to All.

        Like

  42. My friend, the people who are doing the name calling, inciting riots and screaming every profanity in the name of social justice, ARE the communist, socialist, fascist, racists and every other ist. There is only a handful of them, though they look bigger than what they are because of main stream media’s favorable exposure, (who subsequently are owned by these Globalist scumbags.) They hate America and want her dead. One only need to look at the cities involved in these so-called protests and one will quickly realize that they are all “Sanctuary Cities”. From the top down, they need to be cut out of America for the malignancy that they are. Even the Dems came out and voted for Trump because they realized that they had been duped.

    Like

  43. Loved this. I’m sure that you father is proud of you. You do an excellent job of evangelizing on your page and you definitely wear your Christianity on your sleeve and you wear it well. You keep doing what your doing cause God has always got your back.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. I think our dad’s could have been friends (mine passed away in 2007). But he was very much the same as yours. I think their Christ-following influence shows through us and that’s why it hurts us so much to be lumped in with all the “schme-accusations.”
    Much love and blessings 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Lisa:) I’m so sorry to hear that your father is no longer with us on earth, but what a comfort to know that you will reunited with him in eternity. ❤️ it makes my heart happy to know that you also know the heart of a loving father. We are lucky. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  48. Donald is from the Scotch Gaelic words dumnán (world) and walos (ruler, leader), meaning “ruler of the world or world leader.” Leadership is defined as guidance, and it cannot really be taught. We all know what bad leaders look like. They have an over-abundance of pride and arrogance, they bully and intimidate, they lack clear vision and direction, they display poor judgment, and they resist new ideas and do not learn from their mistakes. It is their way or no way. Desmond Tutu once said: “The leader is the servant. So leadership is not having your own way. It’s not for self-aggrandizement. But oddly, it is for service. It is for the sake of the led. It is a proper altruism.” And Percy Bysshe Shelley said in “Political Greatness:” Man, who man would be, / Must rule the empire of himself.” Good leadership, however, is entirely different. It is an ability which involves flexibility, patience, courage, integrity, humility, and responsibility. A leader is optimistic and can inspire others. Bill Gates once said: “Leaders will be those who empower others.” Your father sounds like a good leader. Although the Electoral College might think that the Big Donald is a good leader, I see the characteristics of narcissistic leadership instead, and it makes me very afraid. Having studied the effects of Hitler and national national patriotism gone fasicist, I am afraid of a repeat. Having said that, however, I hope the good leaders in this country, whichever way they voted, stand up for the rights of others, not out of fear or entitlement, but in fairness, in kindness, and in the love that Jesus inspires.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this reflection. Yeah that was my dads way of thinking. He called it servant leadership and that was the way he ran his company. I have hope that DT will do good, beneficial and inclusive things for ALL people – here’s hoping 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Like

  49. “He instilled in my brothers and I that all people, no matter of gender, color of skin, religion, sexual orientation, nationality – every person deserves respect and has an undeniable dignity as a person. There is zero tolerance for anything less than that.”

    All day. All stinkin’ day. Yes. My parents did the same thing. I remember coming home one day having heard some highly stereotypical and diminishing opinions from other kids about a different people group, and my parents didn’t hesitate: “We don’t think like that.” Praise God for your parents.

    Liked by 1 person

  50. A beautiful post!
    Your dad sounds like an amazing man and I am sure he is so proud of you and completely touched with you writing such amazing things about what he, no doubt, considers just living life.
    He sounds like an amazing Godly man!
    And thank you for a post standing up for white, Christian Men. I know people are hurt and lashing out and I understand why they lash out at White, Christian Men but some of us are doing our best to live a live loving, respecting and honoring everyone that we come in contact with.
    And as one of those White, Christian Men, just trying to do our best, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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