VS Fashion Show: A Woman’s Perspective

Unpopular opinion alert:

I will not be watching the Victoria’s Secret fashion show tonight.

giphy-2
Every year, come mid December, in the midst of indulgent holiday consumption, Christmas cookies, eggnog, and holiday party food, society has decided that now would be the perfect time to showcase a parade of frightfully thin, Amazonian-physiqued women in lingerie.

And I was about to write that these women were “fit” but honestly, I can tell you for a fact, that many of these women have eating disorders. And the only way I have the authority to make that claim is because I am the survivor of one myself, and can recognize the signs and traits of one, plain as the nose on your face.

The Victoria’s Secret fashion show…I mean, I don’t know if it’s the Kardashian/Jenner infiltration into the modeling scene, or that we as a culture are obsessed with sex, but it seems that in recent years, the fashion show has just *exploded* in visibility.

Women flock to this television event in numbers that rival the Bachelor finale. It is the female equivalent of the Super Bowl.

IMG_0896

And men, well, let’s just say they’re not complaining.

Thinking about it…in terms of people who watch/relate to the fashion show of – let’s call it what it is: soft porn – I am a bit of an anomaly.

This is a parade of thinness and beauty and sex. And I…am an eating disorder survivor, and a virgin.

TCDSANI EC064
Both of which, seem to be at odds with this spectacle of greased up bodies that appear hungry and cold.

But actually, that couldn’t be more from the truth.

My decision not to watch the fashion show is not in protest to the fashion show, nor an attempt to boycott the brand.

I’m not watching for me.

My not watching this exhibition of scantily clad women with unnaturally attained body types is my very own celebration of what they are attempting to “celebrate” and showcase.

They claim to be celebrating the female form and beauty and feminism and empowerment.

Well, by not watching, I’m doing the exact same thing.

img_1422

Being in recovery from anorexia, it’s one of those things that people can’t really understand unless they’ve lived it.

Like other addictions, you don’t just snap your fingers and then *BAM* none of the triggers or temptations have an effect on you anymore. No. They’re always still there. You just get stronger.

I still have to check myself when I look in the mirror and actively silence the negative self talk. I don’t keep full length mirrors in my apartment, for I know that I don’t want my mind going to those places that are not healthy for my recovery.

It’s not that I am fragile and on the edge of a relapse, but it’s because I have the wisdom (and been given the discernment by God) to know not to put myself in a situation where I could be tempted into a bad headspace.

So it is with the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

I’d be lying if I were to say that I don’t still struggle with comparing myself to other women. As a woman that’s about as “well endowed” as a 12 year old boy, it’s safe to say that there are things that I wish could be different about my body.

IMG_9921

So why then, would I willingly submit myself to an hour-and-a-half celebration of unhealthily thin bodies, which results in me feeling badly about myself, and seriously having to fight those ED voices that harangue me about thigh gaps and rib cages.

No thank you.

You can check that at the door.

giphy.gif

And lastly… let’s talk about sex.

Because one could get the idea that because I am a virgin and not partaking in this societal rite of passage that is idolizing Giselle and these other sparkly bra-wearing Angels, that I am in some way “anti-sex” or that I only approve of orthopedic shoes and shapeless wool turtlenecks. And although I do love an occasional cozy moo moo, that is far from true.

fullsizeoutput_1914

I am not anti-sex. Nor anti-lingerie.

In fact, much like the “meaning” behind the fashion show, I too will one day want to celebrate the beauty of my sexuality and the delicate female form I have been blessed with. That is something that I am looking forward to embracing and celebrating.

But with my husband.

I am reserving that priceless gift for the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

And you better believe that I’ll want to wear something equally as exquisite for the occasion. (sorry dad!)

The Victoria’s Secret fashion show was better left off my television screen tonight.

img_4709

God has brought me too far in my recovery to willfully walk back into the lion’s den. Watching the glorification of all the things, aesthetically, that fed my eating disorder…it doesn’t matter how strong I am. I don’t need to be filling my head with those thoughts and images.

So tonight, I’m choosing me. I’m choosing to protect my mind. I’m choosing to guard my heart and defend my recovery.

I’m appreciating that my body is healthy, and cherishing the second chance I have been given by a gracious and loving Father. I’m recognizing that I’m not bulletproof — there are areas that can still strike a nerve. So I’m engaging in self respect. And self protection. And self love.

And I think that is the most beautiful celebration of empowerment there is.

img_8371

________________________________________________________________
Stay Connected!
@beauty.beyond.bones โ€“ Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

patreon

Thank you for considering supporting BBB on Patreon! You make this blog possible๐Ÿ™‚

Published by

beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we’re all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

284 thoughts on “VS Fashion Show: A Woman’s Perspective

    1. Aw thanks so much! Hahaha oh good! I’m actually wearing one now! And ironically it’s from Victoria’s Secret! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿค ๐Ÿ„๐Ÿ„๐Ÿ„

  1. Very well said! I feel the same way, even though I don’t have an eating disorder. The point of the show seems to celebrate unnaturally thin women, and to claim that their sexuality is all they have to offer the world. It’s just wrong on so many levels.

    1. Thanks so much Ann! Yeah, I agree-women have so much to offer the world. Yes, beauty should be celebrated — but not as the “be all end all.” Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  2. Honestly, I can’t really speak to what a woman thinks when these kind of events occur and I both welcome and dread the day I may have to speak to my daughter, if I have one, about this. For men, they have to struggle with self-control, which with practice is easy to do. For women though, these kind of things hit closer to their hearts: their self-esteem. From the get go, women are told that they must be this, this, and this and look like that, that, and that if they wish to be desirable in society. I can certainly tell you that something most guys find extremely attractive is a very self-confident woman. And part of that self-confidence comes from being sure of how God views you- as His daughter, for you’re fearfully and wonderfully made.

    And you definitely have self-confidence in yourself because of your faith Caralyn!

    God bless!
    ~Tom

    1. Hi tom, thank you for sharing this. You’re right– we are all made beautifully by God. It can sometimes make me sad to think that that beauty is only on the outside. Because truly, it is the heart that makes a woman truly beautiful. And that should be celebrated. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

    1. Aw thanks Rick. Yeah, you gotta do whatcha gotta do, ya know? And defending that is my top priority. Even if it is “uncool” to do so. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  3. Thank you. So well written, so deeply felt, and so much needed. Wonderful, every woman should read this.

    The recommendation is not because it is “anti-anything” but because she writes so positively about everything.

  4. I am a fan of the VS angels, but I’ve never watched the fashion show.. I have no explanation for that, save that I’ve found fashion shows of any type to be very interesting, even if the show is a bunch of models strutting their stuff in their underwear. And your perspective simply lends more credence to not start watching now.
    The man you marry is going to be one lucky guy. Not only will he marry a beautiful woman, but also one that has battled demons, and won, and is wise beyond her years

  5. I know this sounds unbelievable coming from a healthy male, but I think those women look RIDICULOUS! Ten seconds of a commercial is enough to say, “No thanks”. It is truly sad that our culture has come to the place of being “entertained” by mostly naked women being paraded on a stage wearing wings and thongs. I mean seriously…with all the issues in our world, THIS is what we are celebrating? I think our sex-obsessed culture is getting so bored with itself, it has to find increasingly outrageous ways to stay “entertained”. There is only One who can truly satisfy the heart. His ways are true. Stick to your convictions…they are spot on.

    1. Hi Tom! Really? Wow that’s refreshing to hear! You’re right-it’s sad how “normal” it is. Amen to that. His ways are always true and lead to health and happiness. Hugs to you friend. Glad you stopped by. Xox

      1. Yes…really! Physical beauty is fleeting…I am not saying I don’t think physical attraction is important in a relationship but our culture is addicted to pleasure (I am not against pleasure…except when it becomes our highest pursuit…idol worship)…always seeking, always experimenting, never satisfied. In my opinion (for what thats worth!) what is attractive is a woman of character who knows her true value comes from the One who created her, someone who is confident that she is loved by God and understands her inherent value. A woman of character who is loyal, faithful and kind. We all would be far better spending our time developing those qualities than focusing on bods. My place is not to judge these models but there is a scripture that states, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” Pr.11:22 (btw…this applies for all us male types too!)…sorry for the rant…hahaha…your post got me going! Good thoughts Carolyn…wisdom beyond your years!!

      2. Oh if all men thought the way you do!! Seriously this is so encouraging, Tom! Such a beautiful verse. Haha no! I love that you’re so fired up about this! It’s awesome! Thanks again for sharing. Have a great night! Xox

  6. I look at the female form in a totally different way now. I used to be a stereotypical guy but now I see their heart, their true beauty. This includes my ex. Sorry I have been a little quiet. I managed to start a blog Im going to stick with about photography I hope you like it x. Sending you lots of love and kisses and tons of butternut squash ice cream ๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™

    1. Hi Benjamin, thank you so much for this reflection. That’s so awesome that you see the heart ๐Ÿ™‚ so beautiful. Can’t wait to check out your photography! Haha yes! BNS ICE CREAM!! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

  7. I don’t watch the VS Fashion either. The show just praises thin women and their physically beauty, which is really sad because there will be many young girls and women who will watch this show and think that is what the ideal women should like -thin. It’s unhealthy. I think we should be empowering women instead of trying to tear the down because they do not meet the ideal beauty standards in a magazine or what is shown on a VS Runway. True beauty cannot be found in a magazine or is just about looks. You find it in you. Great postโ˜บโค

    1. Hi Olivia! Thanks for this thoughtful reflection. You’re right, it is unhealthy to put these unattainable standards on a pedestal. So so true. Thanks for the kind words. Hugs and love xox

  8. I’m with you a hundred percent. I’m not sure if it’s shown here but I wouldn’t or maybe couldn’t watch it, for the same reason I won’t have things like scales or laxatives in the house. It’s a daily struggle but I’m glad we are both surviving it! Xx

    1. Hi Brie! Aw, thank you so much! I’m glad it struck a chord with you! And here’s something funny — my phone just autocorrected it to: “glad it struck a bird with you” ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ oh my gosh. Somebody tell those birds to watch out! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿง๐Ÿฅ๐Ÿฆ‰๐Ÿฆ…seriously though, thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  9. I don’t think I’ve ever watched the VS Fashion Show–though if I did, I suspect I’d agree with your assessment. Nothing wrong with being thin, of course, if that’s your natural body type, but many models don’t look fit to me either.

    Meanwhile, I didn’t even know the show was on tonight! Honestly, it’s just not on my radar.

  10. Two hours after you post and only 67 likes and 54 comments? Where the heck is everyone? Watching Victoria’s Secret?

    As always, my thoughts are over at Patreon. And thanks for stopping by for a read tonight. I appreciate your patience with me earlier this week. Tonight I managed to say something, I think, that’s hopefully easier to digest.

    Always in your corner…

    1. Hey Jeff! For whatever reason patreon is not letting me reply on there–I just updated my phone so perhaps there’s a glitch. But I read your kind note when it came through on my email. Thank you. Your words truly touched my heart, but then…when they’re from you, when don’t they:) I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend and “second dad” like you, but I sure am grateful to our generous Father for allowing our paths to cross:) have a great night xox

      1. I went out for a simple dinner with Julie last night, and we relaxed at home after. I slept fairly well, so we had a great night! I feel fortunate that God connected us also. While I follow a number of blogs, I only read yours consistently. You write with purpose, you challenge, and you accept what people have to say with grace. Barring the absolute trolls, of course!! Ha! So you’ve been a blessing to me. God made me as a helper, a supporter. My two daughters are pretty well grown. Olivia is especially independent. I’m grateful to God for another “daughter” to lend my support to! I hope you have a good weekend, and I’ll “see” you Monday!

      2. Oh that sounds so nice! I’m glad the two of you have a pleasant evening. haha, gotta love the trolls! I must admit, there have been several comments that have just been too heinous to allow on the site, but yeah. Yes! You are definitely a helper. That is one of your spiritual gifts, i do believe ๐Ÿ™‚ sending big big hugs to you and julie! oxoxo

      1. I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman. Are these culturally imposed beliefs? It seems, like an unfair practice in our American culture against women and presented as for women.

      2. I see. I always tried to look at the, person. The pretty women um, usually were waiting to be chased by pretty men. I have experienced that myself but, as neither. haha

      3. I had a dating profile, it started with “Beauty makes all men, liars. I’m not most men.” The culture of Beauty has its own strange contradictions like you said its promoted as healthy. Hm. I wish it wasn’t like that.

  11. You’re awesome! I had no idea it came on tonight. (score another point for going cable free!) But I absolutely love this post. I’ve also been in some less than stellar places in life and have overcome. It can be SO empowering to come across past temptations and finally have the courage and strength and stability to confidently say no.

    1. Aw thank you so much! Cable free! Good for you! But thank you for the kind encouragement. I really appreciate it. Yes. Let’s embrace that confidence! Hope you’re having a great evening! Hugs and love xox

  12. Thank you so much for this post! I think you are incredibly brave for overcoming what you have gone through. Your voice is so powerful and important. I hope you continue to share your story and thoughts. You truly inspire and encourage me to be the woman God wants me to be!

  13. I don’t remember when it was that it struck me that I needed to say this to you, but it’s been on my mind for quite some time now. Every time I think of it I start crying. I even debated on just posting it in my blog but I felt it needed to be here instead. It just took me a while to find the courage to post it here in a comment. I apologize in advance for its length.

    As someone who is has also been very transparent with their choices in life regarding sex, I want you to know that I support and uphold you even though I made an extremely different choice. I am acutely aware that we stand on different sides of the same fence but I understand and hold with the highest regard the choice you have made.

    I have had to live with a lot of finger pointing, shunning, and name calling for the choice I made. So it frustrates me – okay maybe even a little angry – to see here you expressing how you feel set apart, alone, or maybe even brushed aside because of the choice you made. None of us should have to feel like we are caught between a rock and a hard place with this choice. It troubles me greatly that society makes it difficult for both of us to stand by the choices we have made.

    The impossible standard of the “virgin whore” that has been set for women in society and the media really pisses me off. It’s not real. You can’t be both. The world needs to stop asking that of us. Rage is a weak word to describe how I feel about this. I didn’t even realize that the Victoria Secret thing was a thing so I guess I will continue to not watch it. I like being sexy, but on my terms alone and it will not defined by someone else.

    I don’t regret the choice I made and nor should you. I’ll stand by it. I’ll defend it. I’ll fight for it. For me. For you. For every woman out there with my dying breath.

    And I pray that the man who marries you will do the same. Much love, light, and laughter to you. <3

    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful note. I’m sorry that you can relate to that feeling of being set apart. I’m glad that you have found it deep in our soul to stand up for yourself and accept and love you. As someone who is also learning to do the same, I definitely know that it is not easy. Cheering for you, friend. Big hugs xox

  14. Wait there are fashion shows? Maybe I need to get out of Princeton seminary’s library and go out to NYC to check the world out. Sometimes I need to read things like this from people who are engaged with the world and bound by books and deadlines haha . =P

  15. I truly enjoyed reading this! And couldn’t agree with you more. And hunny, I can relate. ๐Ÿ˜‰ It took me many years but I see it as beautiful and set apart now. Having my daughter helped with that and a super supportive husband. You are preparing yourself in such beautiful ways. I look forward to your future posts, as always. I couldn’t agree more about not watching the show for you…not to get on any bandwagon. โ™ก

    1. Hi Erin! Aw thank you so much. Wow, I am so touched by your words! And I’m so glad that it resonated with you:) i really appreciate the support and encouragement. Big big hugs xox

  16. I didn’t realize about the eating disorder aspect of this. I am sorry to hear that. I don’t watch because of the objectification.
    How long was your recovery from your eating disorder. I did not have one per say but I did not like my body and I was too much into working out and counting calories. I stopped dieting 2011.

    1. Thank you so much for this reflection. Yeah, it definitely adds a layer of complexity. Yeah, I had a severe case of anorexia for two full years. I had to go to an inpatient facility for three months, and aside from a relapse shortly after my discharge, I’ve been firm in my recovery for 8 years. Amen to a dieting free life! Thanks for sharing your story:) Hugs and love xox

      1. You are welcome. If you are interested in the book thing I can tell you how I self-published. You can do it for free. Don’t worry I am not trying to sell you anything because I’m an artist not a salesperson. All you need is a book template and to start typing. Then you go through createspace and design your cover and then upload to amazon kindle.

  17. Hey C! A great post for so many reasons and I am super proud of you for actually knowing what you should and shouldn’t expose yourself to! If only the rest of humanity understood that. And on sex; You have definitely got it right ๐Ÿ™‚ As someone who has had 2 intimate relations in the past that didn’t work out, it’s definitely worth waiting for! You’ve got a good head on your shoulders ๐Ÿ™‚ Love from SA

  18. You know what is best for you! I don’t watch it either, because while I can appreciate the aesthetics its effect on my self esteem is like being run over by a train. For all those women who do feel empowered and joyous by watching it… well, good for them! They should watch it then! But for all of us who knows it triggers a negative reaction in us, for whatever reason? Best stay off it, even though it’s *oh pretty sparkly and they got wings!* Not worth it.

      1. Hugs and love to you as well!

        Oh, and as for the sex/virginity thing? It really is the same thing there, it’s about what is right for YOU. If you feel that virginity prior to marriage is your path to feeling good and being healthy – be it physically, emotionally or spiritually – then that is right for you, and the path you should take. Hm… You know what? I think I should write a blog post about my stance on the question of sex and virginity as well. Thank you for the inspiration!

  19. Dear BBB – I always enjoy reading your posts – and I love scrolling down the comments below. Because two things always stand out: how you connect with others (wow), and how every comment is an individual loving conversation (wowee).

    Don’t need to know “how” – just love so much that your “are” – and even more that you accept this gift and just get on with it (woweeeeeeee!) ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Hi Paul! oh gosh, thank you so much for your kind words. haha yeah, I think I spend more time replying to comments than actually writing posts to be honest! hah but honestly, it is such a gift to read what people have to say. I learn SO MUCH from others about life and different perspectives and insights. it is seriously such a blessing to me ๐Ÿ™‚ Anywho…thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ I always smile when I see your name pop up in the dashboard! have a great afternoon! hugs xox

  20. Hi, great post. You may have seen that I wrote a post at the day after saying that I dont like the VS fashion show. I did not go as deep as you but I agree some things need to get clear… I would invite you to read and let me know what you think. In the meantime, have a great weekend. XX Valentina

    1. Hi Valentina! Oh, thank you so much! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in those feelings! Yes! I’d love to check it out ๐Ÿ™‚ I will do so as soon as I get home from work this evening! thanks for stopping by!big big hugs xx

  21. It’s funny….when I read this…I am from Norway, and here, these kind of shows are laughed at and made fun of. It is, by many, considered to be uneducated and uncultured to watch these kind of shows. And most men I have interacted with find this kind of display unappealing and a big turn-off. I remember a little while back, a Norwegian female pop artist tried to make an American style commercial music video, where she was rolling around on a beach in a bikini, and everyone laughed at her ( I am not saying that was nice, but it is just a reflection of how ridiculous people find these kind of things). For me personally, parading around in your underwear is not a sign of a strong woman, and I think it is sad that so many women offer up their bodies to become popular and make money. I believe it is simple really, (but oh so hard), it is not so much about feminism, it is more about you being yourself, making your own choices, believing in your own values, standing up for and standing by yourself, no matter what, and keep following and fighting for the right to be yourself, whether you are a boy or a girl. My bother once told me, instead of criticizing and spending energy bashing up that which you don’t like and approve of, rather try creating an alternate path and be a leader of a new way, share your life and live your life as an example for an alternate route. And that is what I am always trying to do: to leave a different path behind me, just like you are trying to do here!
    Keep strong, sister, you are a role model to many ๐Ÿ™‚ <3 ๐Ÿ™‚ <3

    1. How interesting! Leave it to Scandinavia to be the “real deal!” haha…I visited Sweden once, and it was the best trip of my life ๐Ÿ™‚ but wow, what a powerful message your brother had — leave a different path behind you. Amen to that! And way to go for doing just that. I am cheering you on! ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks again for your kind words ๐Ÿ™‚

  22. I’ll not be watching either. It can really only sew seeds of discontent one way or the other. Either you don’t look like that or your other half doesn’t. And really, NO ONE looks like.

  23. I find it vapid and boring — so I don’t watch. Women getting paid to walk around in glittery undies for being pretty by society’s standards. Also, don’t have cable. LOL. But I just think, in the scheme of things, it’s just unnecessary.

  24. Spot on BBB! As a man who is recovering from objectifying women I also find myself choosing not to watch. It is difficult because biology tells my eyeballs to look, and society says, “oh gosh it’s fine it’s just a little skin.” Just like my alcoholism won’t let me take “just one drink” the way I objectify won’t let me take, “just one look.” I’m not proud of that part of me and I pray every day for God to change my heart. I can see the work that He’s doing in me. So…. I do turn my eyes skyward rather than let them rest lustily on the bodies of strangers… Thanks for sharing and God bless

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’re right — we each have our own things we battle, and it’s so inspiring to hear how you’re taking charge of those things and also protecting your recovery. big hugs xox

  25. Couldn’t agree more. I dislike Victoria Secret in general. I have no problem with lingerie, but I do have a problem with the way they advertise. They don’t advertise to women, they advertise to men in a soft porn fashion.

  26. God’s Blessings Caralyn. You are a beautiful young lady, with an inspirational story that you share with so many. Your beauty is deep within, and shines forth through your outer beauty. Your desire to serve, glorify, and please our Lord Jesus Christ is obvious in each piece that you write and post.
    Your willingness to be different from the ways of the world, as you save yourself, the greatest gift, to give your future husband, is pleasing to our Heavenly Father, as His Spirit guides and Strengthens you.
    As our Father gave us the Gift of His Pure Son, Jesus Christ, to be Saviour to all who receive Him, you are actually giving your gift of purity to our Father, as you are determined to follow His ways and commandments.
    Thank you for your Living Testimony, always.
    Luv and hugs,
    George

    1. Thanks so much George:) wow, what a kind note. I am so touched. God is good. Thanks for such beautiful and encouraging words. Hope you’re having a good Friday so far! Hugs and love xox

  27. That’s pretty much why I don’t watch the show (well, I don’t have TV in general). I also hate the commercial aspect of shows like this. Great post! People who have never experienced an eating disorder or have known somebody with it will just write this off as a female jealousy rant … don’t listen to those. Hugs, Merry Christmas!

  28. Wonderfully put. I am quite certain that Angels do not look like these VS models, not that these women aren’t physically attractive in a worldly way. But they certainly are not angels in the heavenly sense of what God meant angels to be. And certainly this fashion show is NOT a step forward in the cause of feminism. To me it is just the opposite – another way for society to objectify women. If more people would turn that channel off, perhaps they wouldn’t even consider producing another such ‘fashion show.’
    May you be blessed with all the strength that comes from Christ to keep you living according to His will and not the ways of this world.

    1. Thank you so much:) haha you’re right-I think the angels in heaven are going to not only be physically beautiful, but we will be just in awe of their spiritual beauty. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  29. What gets me about this is: What woman would want to put on some lingerie for her husband to have him think, “Yeah, that model looked really hot in that.” I mean, really, surrender the power of your passion to somebody that you don’t even know? That’s just frightening.

  30. Your perspective is very refreshing! I commend you for knowing yourself well enough to know that watching VS fashion show wouldn’t be a positive thing. I have no qualms with lingerie. At times though, I find the marketing completely ridiculous. I saw an ad for a sweater VS was advertising and I thought to myself… “If she were wearing pants and a shirt under it instead of lingerie, she might not need the sweater.” But maybe that’s just me? ๐Ÿ™‚ Keep writing. You have a special gift.

  31. Right. On.

    I am slowly working (like 10 years now) on a song “Better Secrets” which has a chorus lyric line “I’ve got better secrets than Victoria” .. and you DO!! You just helped me realize it’s got to be sung by a lady (thanks! but duh). There’s only one guy who gets to know those secrets and he is worth waiting for (as you are). You are super-endowed with stuff only he will ever know .. so like I said, keep your better secrets.

    These ladies may be at the top of their game now, but they have very little to be envied. I know some ex-models; they all have to find new careers and lives after their mid-30s at the latest (ok, there are exceptions).

    Also, I work with guys who are trying to recover from porn addiction. Men are sight-oriented so this kind of display only takes them to shame and dark places. Lingerie has its purpose and place and external beauty is great but it’s only skin deep. Both genders need to work on the person inside, on their secret story and God’s restoration and beauty that’s there and growing.

    So you go!!

    -John

    1. Thank you so much for this reflection, John. Wow, sounds like a pretty awesome song. I’d love to hear it! You’re right–working on the person inside is probably our most important job in life. And then when we can look for that inside person in others…that’s when we truly start living. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

  32. You know, I’ve been reading a book called Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredge (a marvelous book which you simply must read because it is all about the most marvelous man) and having just read the chapter in the book about Jesus’ intent honesty and this post and your previous, and many of your past posts, really, I see that fierce, intentional honesty in you. It’s a good thing.

    But that’s just a side-note ๐Ÿ˜‰ What I really wanted to say was, bravo! Way to go not letting ED have a voice in your life. You are strong and courageous–because Jesus is strong and courageous in you. While ED might have a point, allbeit a very, very false point, Jesus will tell you what’s true about yourself, and it’s beautiful.

    Happy Friday (:

    1. Hi Carson, wow thank you so much for this. That sounds like an awesome book. I’ll definitely add it to my list. Because if it’s “Carson Approved” then I know it’s quality! Seriously though, I so appreciate your encouragement. Yes! ED controlled too too much of my life. I refuse to let him have any more. God is stronger! Hope you’re having a great week! Big hugs xox

  33. I totally agree. There are many issues beyond those you mention, of course- the objectification of women as though the way you LOOK is the only important thing and of course you have to look like everybody else. The important thing here is though: it takes constant attention for all of us to manage our…varieties of personal experience. Well explained!!!

    1. Hi there friend! You’re so right-the objectification of women is so problematic for a variety of reasons. There’s more to someone than what’s on the outside! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

  34. Well here goes..going through my 50s and experiencing the telltale signs of an aging female body. Quite often, while standing in front of a mirror, I have expressed to myself how much I dislike the changes in my physical appearance. You were mentioning in your post today how you avoid looking into these big mirrors altogether. That’s probably one way to do it, however, I also want to work on my attitude of gratitude. For instance, I want to be more grateful that I am still alive after three heart surgeries! The Bible expresses that the human body is a temple. I think I need to be more aware and respectful of that. A lot of our bad attitude has to do with being under the influence of the society we live in. The Western culture is known to worship the youth and youthful appearance. We have to shake free from that and pray to God that He renews our mind, softens our heart, and opens our eyes to see ourselves through His eyes. And what He sees is beauty because He made you and me beautiful. Thanks for your blog – you go girl!

    1. Hi there! Gosh, thank you so much for sharing your story. What a powerful perspective. You’re right-having an attitude of gratitude (not to be cheesy) but you’re right. We have so much to be grateful for. Amen to that! So glad you stopped by! Big hugs xox

  35. Guess I’ll pass on this event, as I have passed on watching TV for the past 25+ years. Events of non-events. Shameless merchandizing. VS came on the scene when I was about your age. It was a novelty somewhere between JC Penny’s ladies underwear section and Fredrick’s of Hollywood white-trash pin-up wear catelogues. I gave up on buying my wife (yes, 23 years and running) VS stuff when one day I was trapped between 5 Mennonite teen girls splitting the discount on 5 pairs of thongs and a couple with a babe-in-the-preambler in the store. I’m too old for that crowd and putting Pink on someone’s tush. That’s not to say that we don’t have fun-derwear… but as you say, that is for life-time partners. When nothing is private, nothing is a secret. Thus, VS is an oxymoron.
    Enjoy a quiet evening
    Oscar

    1. Hey Oscar! Thanks so much. Wow,23 years! That’s so beautiful. You’re right, it really is an oxymoron! Haha thanks for stopping by! Hope you’re having a great night. Hugs and love xox

  36. My wife and I are listening to Patti Smith’s music right now, a real woman who never was in a Victoria’s Secret show, but more beautiful than many women. We will be going to see her 70th birthday show in Chicago in 2 weeks because she has the kind of beauty that lasts. Thank you for the encouragement in your posts. Peace be with you.

    1. Hi David! Patti Smith…hmmm I’ve never heard of her, but I’ll definitely check her out! Sounds like an incredible woman and talent! Hope you’re having a great night! Hugs and love xox

  37. Bravo! I too will NOT be watching the Victoria Secret Show and wholeheartedly agree with you that the whole thing is nothing but a soft-porn show of abnormally proportioned sickly looking women strutting around.
    I am far from anti sexy or anti lingerie and I am certainly not a virgin since I have two daughters! lol But Victoria’s Secret has just gone too far “over sexualizing” their product in the name of profits.

  38. I don’t think I have ever watched the show. They don’t sell bras in their store in my size for women with fuller busts like me. They do sell bras for very thin women with fuller busts…not me.
    I get that such a show will feature women that adhere to certain standards of beauty… they certainly represent only an incredibly narrow sense of beauty though.

    1. Hi Kate, thanks for this reflection. I can definitely empathize with you. When I first went to VS to try and get fitted for a bra, they told me that Limited Too had great training bras….and I was 19…Sounds like they need to expand their line! You’re right, there is so much more to a woman’s beauty than her outward appearance or “measurements.” True beauty is found in the heart. In how we treat others. In how we live in love. So glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

  39. Thank you for helping me to understand about your condition and may Jesus walk with you in your life, giving you a fulfilling and rewarding life. I always find that when you shake that fruit tree for help, I mean real help! the only fruit that remains is Jesus. People hope that other fruits will be there to help, but they don’t. Trust in Jesus. He loves you. God bless.

  40. Beautifully put! And may I say a resounding congratulations on saving that part of yourself for your future husband. I now understand why God ordained it for such…. Doing it outside of God’s will only brings damage and tons of baggage.
    I personally got rid of my scale last year and just try every day to think about honoring God with my body instead of giving into temptations and fears. It can be a struggle but I know God will win out. God bless

  41. Thank you for writing this. I just has to comment because it resonated with me so much. I can relate so much to everything you wrote… God bless you and never stop being yourself!!

  42. The instinctive appeal of sensuality has its place but that will never bond couples in a lasting and loving relationship. I support your stance, and applaud your strength. A devoted man loves a woman for what cannot be seen, only felt with the heart and soul. Visual appeal is a handshake. What matters comes after.

  43. This is so so GOOD. Thank you for sharing your heart and your excellent reason for not watching the VS fashion show. I’m proud of you for your strength and recovery and the hope and strength you give to other! <3

  44. I am 29 and have never watched it either… I do see everyone tweeting about it on my timeline, sharing on instagram and facebook but I honestly don’t care…. it just seems like a huge time suck, I’d rather read a book… What’s so great about watching women walk down in bedazzled underwear? I mean it is fine if people want to wear it and I do own some great pairs myself but like yawwwwwwn

  45. Well Carolyn you continue to surprise me. I know you are wise and beautiful both physically and inwardly from your heart. Dear women and feminists of the modern age. How did you get so far off track? Remove the scales from the eyes for a moment. See the TV event for what it is. It’s nothing but garbage this is coming from a male perspective as well. That’s not to say women shouldn’t be celebrated. They should be but not in that fashion. Think about it women were created beautiful. However go back to story of Genesis and you’ll see for yourself the reason why women are exploited today. The enemy doesn’t with everything that God has created. He does it so well and then he blames God for the mistakes the human race makes. Take a look at pornography there’s more porn addicts then there has been in the last 20 years I know you could bring that kind of filled up on the computer at your own home. The enemy takes what God makes and twists it. the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is nothing but filth. it’s a time for the male audience to lust after women just by looking at them and it’s time for women to feel as though they’re not skinny enough how is that a good TV show to learn from? dear feminists of the world remember the name Jenny trout. if you’re American and reading this look up the name Jenny trout on Canadian Heritage moments in YouTube. Jenny trout fought for feminism she didn’t necessarily fight for feminism as much for as equality. she wanted to drain the swamp of male instruction and ego oh and by the way – where does ego come from? Why the enemy of course… I rest my case Merry Christmas to all and to all a good-night…

  46. Caralyn…You have just demonstrated something wonderful. What was once a weakness to you has now become a strength to you. In the scriptures, the Lord says this:

    “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

    This weakness that was yours…anorexia…is a gift. It was a period of sorrow that you had to go through in order to gain wisdom between what is Good (and Godly) and what is not. It was given to you so that you could learn what it means to be truly humble to the Father, to truly sink below everything, to see what it means to remove your worth…because you were comparing yourself to the rest of the world. And because you humbled yourself…and you anchored yourself to Him…and began to trust Him…He gave you strength to go past the sorrowful period of that gift.

    Now…because you trust Him, backed by the wisdom you’ve gained, you have just shown us how your experience with anorexia then is a protection to you now. This gift is now your strength…a shield to protect you from the vain ideas and morally and spiritually destructive ideas of today’s world. This gift is also your Mirror of Worth…for you can see now how precious you truly are, and it gives you strength and value for the husband you are reserving yourself for. (He may not be in New York, as you’ve indicated prior, but the Lord knows where he is…and He’s just getting him ready.)

    You have just fulfilled one thing that the scriptures and prophets of old have already taught. Kudos, young lady!

    I know that just as the Lord has helped you through your moments of uncertainty, your periods of sorrow, using the gifts He’s given you…so, too, will He help you find the Husband you seek. You’re just going through that period of uncertainty right now…when that ends, only He knows when you…and your husband-to-be…will be ready.

    ‘Til then…stay anchored to Him…as you are already doing.

    Wise men still seek Him. Wise men have found Him.
    Merry Christmas!

    1. Oh my gosh this is so incredibly kind. Thank you so much. I am really touched by your kind encouragement. God is good and I am so grateful to Him for all he has done in my life. Yes, let’s stay anchored to Him! That’s the best place to be. Big hugs xox

  47. I was having a similar conversation with a couple of my daughters the other day. There was some headline about a VS model having a wardrobe malfunction and I’m like, “How can you tell?”

  48. Hey doll, I have been a fashion fanatic for years. I used to LOVE Victoria’s Secret. I watched the fashion shows. Heck, I even worked there. And I never looked at it the way I have recently. It’s really become obnoxious, over-the-top, and too “sexy”. I didn’t watch this year either. I just feel like God is leading me in a different direction. I am glad to hear he is also caring for you as well. Bravo for listening to his voice! He’s got your back!๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’‹

    Debra

  49. You are a strong, bold, and beautiful young woman – and much to wise to be a sell-out! And wise enough to know where your help comes from. And discerning enough to stay out of traps. That’s quite special.

  50. From a man’s perspective, I too need to stay away from things like this. It does not honor God, or my relationship with my wife. How can a young man keep his way pure? Ps 119:9 by living according to the Word. There are plenty of admonitions in Scripture about purity of heart and mind.

    God bless you and Merry Christmas!

  51. Your sense of humor, in truthfully a really serious subject, is wonderful. I have a few family members who still struggle with the disorder. I have worried about each of my daughters and have always made sure to allow them to be beautiful as they are. I agree with you about the Victoria Secret show. I think it makes the majority of women feel insecure in some way, even though it is mesmerizing to watch. I chose to enjoy doctored up eggnog and watched Legally Blonde with my 5 year old!! Merry Christmas Beautiful. You are to be respected and adored!

    1. Oh good, I’m glad you like the humor! I’m sorry to hear that this is touching your family personally. It sounds like they’re lucky to have you in their lives. Thanks for your beautiful words of encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  52. I love this article! I love the honesty and sincerity and the wisdom. I don’t have an eating disorder (at least, not diagnosed, and if I did it would fall under the OSFED category) however, I am a person in recovery. I’m in a continual state of recovery, from alcoholism and drug addiction, to severe major depressive disorder, anxiety, PTSD, and general desperation. Everything you wrote is so very relatable, encouraging, and hopeful for all persons in recovery. Thank you! I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog.

    1. Thanks Erin! So glad it struck a chord with you ๐Ÿ™‚ And thank you for sharing your story. Know that I am cheering you on in your recovery:) It’s nice to know that we’re on that journey together! hugs xox

  53. “Like other addictions, you donโ€™t just snap your fingers and then *BAM* none of the triggers or temptations have an effect on you anymore. No. Theyโ€™re always still there. You just get stronger.

    I still have to check myself when I look in the mirror and actively silence the negative self talk. I donโ€™t keep full length mirrors in my apartment, for I know that I donโ€™t want my mind going to those places that are not healthy for my recovery.”

    “God has brought me too far in my recovery to willfully walk back into the lionโ€™s den. Watching the glorification of all the things, aesthetically, that fed my eating disorderโ€ฆit doesnโ€™t matter how strong I am. I donโ€™t need to be filling my head with those thoughts and images.”

    Truth! My ED battle is with bulimia rather than anorexia but the battle is the same and, as you say, it is one that you can’t walk away from: you just have to get stronger.

    There are days I’m not so strong, when I recognise that if I walk “into the lion’s den” I’m almost certainly going to get hurt, even if I no longer get eaten alive…. The discernment God gives, the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, indeed helps us recognise those times and He gives us the strength to walk away. Of course the vulnerability comes because we still need to exercise our own will, and choose to listen and choose to follow.

    Christmas isn’t an easy time of year to avoid the various “dens” of food/image related temptations – not helped when you work as a chef & caterer..!

    1. Thank you for sharing your story. You’re right-we all have different “dens” and yes, the holidays can tend to put those things under a microscope. But hang in there. Know that I’m cheering you on in your recovery. It’s nice to know we’re on the journey together! Big hugs xox

  54. “I am reserving that priceless gift for the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.”
    Much respect to you for this! Though it’s tough to realize I can’t give that priceless gift anymore; the feeling of failure can be overwhelming.

  55. I have never seen a Vitoria Secret’s Fashion show. But then I haven’t had a TV in over 30 years. I’ve seen ads in magazines and the models are usually way too skinny for my taste. It seems to me it would be boring and a waste of time to see such a show on TV.

  56. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. I find it hard to distinguish one “model” from another. They are there after all, ultimately, to sell what they are wearing – clothes, shoes, makeup – and it is their job to not display anything in either in looks, personality or expression that might distract from what is for sale. The Victoria’s Secret Fashion show is a grotesque parade.

  57. I am on the same page with you girl! Praying that you continue to see your self through God’s eyes and live in the freedom of Jesus! Thank you for the encouragement today ๐Ÿ™‚

Join the Conversation!