VS Fashion Show: A Woman’s Perspective

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Unpopular opinion alert:

I will not be watching the Victoria’s Secret fashion show tonight.

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Every year, come mid December, in the midst of indulgent holiday consumption, Christmas cookies, eggnog, and holiday party food, society has decided that now would be the perfect time to showcase a parade of frightfully thin, Amazonian-physiqued women in lingerie.

And I was about to write that these women were “fit” but honestly, I can tell you for a fact, that many of these women have eating disorders. And the only way I have the authority to make that claim is because I am the survivor of one myself, and can recognize the signs and traits of one, plain as the nose on your face.

The Victoria’s Secret fashion show…I mean, I don’t know if it’s the Kardashian/Jenner infiltration into the modeling scene, or that we as a culture are obsessed with sex, but it seems that in recent years, the fashion show has just *exploded* in visibility.

Women flock to this television event in numbers that rival the Bachelor finale. It is the female equivalent of the Super Bowl.

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And men, well, let’s just say they’re not complaining.

Thinking about it…in terms of people who watch/relate to the fashion show of – let’s call it what it is: soft porn – I am a bit of an anomaly.

This is a parade of thinness and beauty and sex. And I…am an eating disorder survivor, and a virgin.

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Both of which, seem to be at odds with this spectacle of greased up bodies that appear hungry and cold.

But actually, that couldn’t be more from the truth.

My decision not to watch the fashion show is not in protest to the fashion show, nor an attempt to boycott the brand.

I’m not watching for me.

My not watching this exhibition of scantily clad women with unnaturally attained body types is my very own celebration of what they are attempting to “celebrate” and showcase.

They claim to be celebrating the female form and beauty and feminism and empowerment.

Well, by not watching, I’m doing the exact same thing.

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Being in recovery from anorexia, it’s one of those things that people can’t really understand unless they’ve lived it.

Like other addictions, you don’t just snap your fingers and then *BAM* none of the triggers or temptations have an effect on you anymore. No. They’re always still there. You just get stronger.

I still have to check myself when I look in the mirror and actively silence the negative self talk. I don’t keep full length mirrors in my apartment, for I know that I don’t want my mind going to those places that are not healthy for my recovery.

It’s not that I am fragile and on the edge of a relapse, but it’s because I have the wisdom (and been given the discernment by God) to know not to put myself in a situation where I could be tempted into a bad headspace.

So it is with the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

I’d be lying if I were to say that I don’t still struggle with comparing myself to other women. As a woman that’s about as “well endowed” as a 12 year old boy, it’s safe to say that there are things that I wish could be different about my body.

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So why then, would I willingly submit myself to an hour-and-a-half celebration of unhealthily thin bodies, which results in me feeling badly about myself, and seriously having to fight those ED voices that harangue me about thigh gaps and rib cages.

No thank you.

You can check that at the door.

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And lastly… let’s talk about sex.

Because one could get the idea that because I am a virgin and not partaking in this societal rite of passage that is idolizing Giselle and these other sparkly bra-wearing Angels, that I am in some way “anti-sex” or that I only approve of orthopedic shoes and shapeless wool turtlenecks. And although I do love an occasional cozy moo moo, that is far from true.

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I am not anti-sex. Nor anti-lingerie.

In fact, much like the “meaning” behind the fashion show, I too will one day want to celebrate the beauty of my sexuality and the delicate female form I have been blessed with. That is something that I am looking forward to embracing and celebrating.

But with my husband.

I am reserving that priceless gift for the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

And you better believe that I’ll want to wear something equally as exquisite for the occasion. (sorry dad!)

The Victoria’s Secret fashion show was better left off my television screen tonight.

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God has brought me too far in my recovery to willfully walk back into the lion’s den. Watching the glorification of all the things, aesthetically, that fed my eating disorder…it doesn’t matter how strong I am. I don’t need to be filling my head with those thoughts and images.

So tonight, I’m choosing me. I’m choosing to protect my mind. I’m choosing to guard my heart and defend my recovery.

I’m appreciating that my body is healthy, and cherishing the second chance I have been given by a gracious and loving Father. I’m recognizing that I’m not bulletproof — there are areas that can still strike a nerve. So I’m engaging in self respect. And self protection. And self love.

And I think that is the most beautiful celebration of empowerment there is.

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285 thoughts on “VS Fashion Show: A Woman’s Perspective”

  2. I find it vapid and boring — so I don’t watch. Women getting paid to walk around in glittery undies for being pretty by society’s standards. Also, don’t have cable. LOL. But I just think, in the scheme of things, it’s just unnecessary.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Spot on BBB! As a man who is recovering from objectifying women I also find myself choosing not to watch. It is difficult because biology tells my eyeballs to look, and society says, “oh gosh it’s fine it’s just a little skin.” Just like my alcoholism won’t let me take “just one drink” the way I objectify won’t let me take, “just one look.” I’m not proud of that part of me and I pray every day for God to change my heart. I can see the work that He’s doing in me. So…. I do turn my eyes skyward rather than let them rest lustily on the bodies of strangers… Thanks for sharing and God bless

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Couldn’t agree more. I dislike Victoria Secret in general. I have no problem with lingerie, but I do have a problem with the way they advertise. They don’t advertise to women, they advertise to men in a soft porn fashion.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. God’s Blessings Caralyn. You are a beautiful young lady, with an inspirational story that you share with so many. Your beauty is deep within, and shines forth through your outer beauty. Your desire to serve, glorify, and please our Lord Jesus Christ is obvious in each piece that you write and post.
    Your willingness to be different from the ways of the world, as you save yourself, the greatest gift, to give your future husband, is pleasing to our Heavenly Father, as His Spirit guides and Strengthens you.
    As our Father gave us the Gift of His Pure Son, Jesus Christ, to be Saviour to all who receive Him, you are actually giving your gift of purity to our Father, as you are determined to follow His ways and commandments.
    Thank you for your Living Testimony, always.
    Luv and hugs,
    George

    Liked by 1 person

  10. That’s pretty much why I don’t watch the show (well, I don’t have TV in general). I also hate the commercial aspect of shows like this. Great post! People who have never experienced an eating disorder or have known somebody with it will just write this off as a female jealousy rant … don’t listen to those. Hugs, Merry Christmas!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Wonderfully put. I am quite certain that Angels do not look like these VS models, not that these women aren’t physically attractive in a worldly way. But they certainly are not angels in the heavenly sense of what God meant angels to be. And certainly this fashion show is NOT a step forward in the cause of feminism. To me it is just the opposite – another way for society to objectify women. If more people would turn that channel off, perhaps they wouldn’t even consider producing another such ‘fashion show.’
    May you be blessed with all the strength that comes from Christ to keep you living according to His will and not the ways of this world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much:) haha you’re right-I think the angels in heaven are going to not only be physically beautiful, but we will be just in awe of their spiritual beauty. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  13. What gets me about this is: What woman would want to put on some lingerie for her husband to have him think, “Yeah, that model looked really hot in that.” I mean, really, surrender the power of your passion to somebody that you don’t even know? That’s just frightening.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Your perspective is very refreshing! I commend you for knowing yourself well enough to know that watching VS fashion show wouldn’t be a positive thing. I have no qualms with lingerie. At times though, I find the marketing completely ridiculous. I saw an ad for a sweater VS was advertising and I thought to myself… “If she were wearing pants and a shirt under it instead of lingerie, she might not need the sweater.” But maybe that’s just me? 🙂 Keep writing. You have a special gift.

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  16. Right. On.

    I am slowly working (like 10 years now) on a song “Better Secrets” which has a chorus lyric line “I’ve got better secrets than Victoria” .. and you DO!! You just helped me realize it’s got to be sung by a lady (thanks! but duh). There’s only one guy who gets to know those secrets and he is worth waiting for (as you are). You are super-endowed with stuff only he will ever know .. so like I said, keep your better secrets.

    These ladies may be at the top of their game now, but they have very little to be envied. I know some ex-models; they all have to find new careers and lives after their mid-30s at the latest (ok, there are exceptions).

    Also, I work with guys who are trying to recover from porn addiction. Men are sight-oriented so this kind of display only takes them to shame and dark places. Lingerie has its purpose and place and external beauty is great but it’s only skin deep. Both genders need to work on the person inside, on their secret story and God’s restoration and beauty that’s there and growing.

    So you go!!

    -John

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    1. Thank you so much for this reflection, John. Wow, sounds like a pretty awesome song. I’d love to hear it! You’re right–working on the person inside is probably our most important job in life. And then when we can look for that inside person in others…that’s when we truly start living. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  17. You know, I’ve been reading a book called Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredge (a marvelous book which you simply must read because it is all about the most marvelous man) and having just read the chapter in the book about Jesus’ intent honesty and this post and your previous, and many of your past posts, really, I see that fierce, intentional honesty in you. It’s a good thing.

    But that’s just a side-note 😉 What I really wanted to say was, bravo! Way to go not letting ED have a voice in your life. You are strong and courageous–because Jesus is strong and courageous in you. While ED might have a point, allbeit a very, very false point, Jesus will tell you what’s true about yourself, and it’s beautiful.

    Happy Friday (:

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    1. Hi Carson, wow thank you so much for this. That sounds like an awesome book. I’ll definitely add it to my list. Because if it’s “Carson Approved” then I know it’s quality! Seriously though, I so appreciate your encouragement. Yes! ED controlled too too much of my life. I refuse to let him have any more. God is stronger! Hope you’re having a great week! Big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I totally agree. There are many issues beyond those you mention, of course- the objectification of women as though the way you LOOK is the only important thing and of course you have to look like everybody else. The important thing here is though: it takes constant attention for all of us to manage our…varieties of personal experience. Well explained!!!

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    1. Hi there friend! You’re so right-the objectification of women is so problematic for a variety of reasons. There’s more to someone than what’s on the outside! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  19. Well here goes..going through my 50s and experiencing the telltale signs of an aging female body. Quite often, while standing in front of a mirror, I have expressed to myself how much I dislike the changes in my physical appearance. You were mentioning in your post today how you avoid looking into these big mirrors altogether. That’s probably one way to do it, however, I also want to work on my attitude of gratitude. For instance, I want to be more grateful that I am still alive after three heart surgeries! The Bible expresses that the human body is a temple. I think I need to be more aware and respectful of that. A lot of our bad attitude has to do with being under the influence of the society we live in. The Western culture is known to worship the youth and youthful appearance. We have to shake free from that and pray to God that He renews our mind, softens our heart, and opens our eyes to see ourselves through His eyes. And what He sees is beauty because He made you and me beautiful. Thanks for your blog – you go girl!

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    1. Hi there! Gosh, thank you so much for sharing your story. What a powerful perspective. You’re right-having an attitude of gratitude (not to be cheesy) but you’re right. We have so much to be grateful for. Amen to that! So glad you stopped by! Big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Guess I’ll pass on this event, as I have passed on watching TV for the past 25+ years. Events of non-events. Shameless merchandizing. VS came on the scene when I was about your age. It was a novelty somewhere between JC Penny’s ladies underwear section and Fredrick’s of Hollywood white-trash pin-up wear catelogues. I gave up on buying my wife (yes, 23 years and running) VS stuff when one day I was trapped between 5 Mennonite teen girls splitting the discount on 5 pairs of thongs and a couple with a babe-in-the-preambler in the store. I’m too old for that crowd and putting Pink on someone’s tush. That’s not to say that we don’t have fun-derwear… but as you say, that is for life-time partners. When nothing is private, nothing is a secret. Thus, VS is an oxymoron.
    Enjoy a quiet evening
    Oscar

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  21. My wife and I are listening to Patti Smith’s music right now, a real woman who never was in a Victoria’s Secret show, but more beautiful than many women. We will be going to see her 70th birthday show in Chicago in 2 weeks because she has the kind of beauty that lasts. Thank you for the encouragement in your posts. Peace be with you.

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  22. Bravo! I too will NOT be watching the Victoria Secret Show and wholeheartedly agree with you that the whole thing is nothing but a soft-porn show of abnormally proportioned sickly looking women strutting around.
    I am far from anti sexy or anti lingerie and I am certainly not a virgin since I have two daughters! lol But Victoria’s Secret has just gone too far “over sexualizing” their product in the name of profits.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I don’t think I have ever watched the show. They don’t sell bras in their store in my size for women with fuller busts like me. They do sell bras for very thin women with fuller busts…not me.
    I get that such a show will feature women that adhere to certain standards of beauty… they certainly represent only an incredibly narrow sense of beauty though.

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    1. Hi Kate, thanks for this reflection. I can definitely empathize with you. When I first went to VS to try and get fitted for a bra, they told me that Limited Too had great training bras….and I was 19…Sounds like they need to expand their line! You’re right, there is so much more to a woman’s beauty than her outward appearance or “measurements.” True beauty is found in the heart. In how we treat others. In how we live in love. So glad you stopped by! big hugs xox

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  24. Thank you for helping me to understand about your condition and may Jesus walk with you in your life, giving you a fulfilling and rewarding life. I always find that when you shake that fruit tree for help, I mean real help! the only fruit that remains is Jesus. People hope that other fruits will be there to help, but they don’t. Trust in Jesus. He loves you. God bless.

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  25. Beautifully put! And may I say a resounding congratulations on saving that part of yourself for your future husband. I now understand why God ordained it for such…. Doing it outside of God’s will only brings damage and tons of baggage.
    I personally got rid of my scale last year and just try every day to think about honoring God with my body instead of giving into temptations and fears. It can be a struggle but I know God will win out. God bless

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  29. The instinctive appeal of sensuality has its place but that will never bond couples in a lasting and loving relationship. I support your stance, and applaud your strength. A devoted man loves a woman for what cannot be seen, only felt with the heart and soul. Visual appeal is a handshake. What matters comes after.

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  31. This is so so GOOD. Thank you for sharing your heart and your excellent reason for not watching the VS fashion show. I’m proud of you for your strength and recovery and the hope and strength you give to other! ❤

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  32. I am 29 and have never watched it either… I do see everyone tweeting about it on my timeline, sharing on instagram and facebook but I honestly don’t care…. it just seems like a huge time suck, I’d rather read a book… What’s so great about watching women walk down in bedazzled underwear? I mean it is fine if people want to wear it and I do own some great pairs myself but like yawwwwwwn

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  34. Well Carolyn you continue to surprise me. I know you are wise and beautiful both physically and inwardly from your heart. Dear women and feminists of the modern age. How did you get so far off track? Remove the scales from the eyes for a moment. See the TV event for what it is. It’s nothing but garbage this is coming from a male perspective as well. That’s not to say women shouldn’t be celebrated. They should be but not in that fashion. Think about it women were created beautiful. However go back to story of Genesis and you’ll see for yourself the reason why women are exploited today. The enemy doesn’t with everything that God has created. He does it so well and then he blames God for the mistakes the human race makes. Take a look at pornography there’s more porn addicts then there has been in the last 20 years I know you could bring that kind of filled up on the computer at your own home. The enemy takes what God makes and twists it. the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is nothing but filth. it’s a time for the male audience to lust after women just by looking at them and it’s time for women to feel as though they’re not skinny enough how is that a good TV show to learn from? dear feminists of the world remember the name Jenny trout. if you’re American and reading this look up the name Jenny trout on Canadian Heritage moments in YouTube. Jenny trout fought for feminism she didn’t necessarily fight for feminism as much for as equality. she wanted to drain the swamp of male instruction and ego oh and by the way – where does ego come from? Why the enemy of course… I rest my case Merry Christmas to all and to all a good-night…

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  35. Caralyn…You have just demonstrated something wonderful. What was once a weakness to you has now become a strength to you. In the scriptures, the Lord says this:

    “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

    This weakness that was yours…anorexia…is a gift. It was a period of sorrow that you had to go through in order to gain wisdom between what is Good (and Godly) and what is not. It was given to you so that you could learn what it means to be truly humble to the Father, to truly sink below everything, to see what it means to remove your worth…because you were comparing yourself to the rest of the world. And because you humbled yourself…and you anchored yourself to Him…and began to trust Him…He gave you strength to go past the sorrowful period of that gift.

    Now…because you trust Him, backed by the wisdom you’ve gained, you have just shown us how your experience with anorexia then is a protection to you now. This gift is now your strength…a shield to protect you from the vain ideas and morally and spiritually destructive ideas of today’s world. This gift is also your Mirror of Worth…for you can see now how precious you truly are, and it gives you strength and value for the husband you are reserving yourself for. (He may not be in New York, as you’ve indicated prior, but the Lord knows where he is…and He’s just getting him ready.)

    You have just fulfilled one thing that the scriptures and prophets of old have already taught. Kudos, young lady!

    I know that just as the Lord has helped you through your moments of uncertainty, your periods of sorrow, using the gifts He’s given you…so, too, will He help you find the Husband you seek. You’re just going through that period of uncertainty right now…when that ends, only He knows when you…and your husband-to-be…will be ready.

    ‘Til then…stay anchored to Him…as you are already doing.

    Wise men still seek Him. Wise men have found Him.
    Merry Christmas!

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    1. Oh my gosh this is so incredibly kind. Thank you so much. I am really touched by your kind encouragement. God is good and I am so grateful to Him for all he has done in my life. Yes, let’s stay anchored to Him! That’s the best place to be. Big hugs xox

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  36. I was having a similar conversation with a couple of my daughters the other day. There was some headline about a VS model having a wardrobe malfunction and I’m like, “How can you tell?”

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  38. Hey doll, I have been a fashion fanatic for years. I used to LOVE Victoria’s Secret. I watched the fashion shows. Heck, I even worked there. And I never looked at it the way I have recently. It’s really become obnoxious, over-the-top, and too “sexy”. I didn’t watch this year either. I just feel like God is leading me in a different direction. I am glad to hear he is also caring for you as well. Bravo for listening to his voice! He’s got your back!💟💋

    Debra

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  39. You are a strong, bold, and beautiful young woman – and much to wise to be a sell-out! And wise enough to know where your help comes from. And discerning enough to stay out of traps. That’s quite special.

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  42. From a man’s perspective, I too need to stay away from things like this. It does not honor God, or my relationship with my wife. How can a young man keep his way pure? Ps 119:9 by living according to the Word. There are plenty of admonitions in Scripture about purity of heart and mind.

    God bless you and Merry Christmas!

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  43. Your sense of humor, in truthfully a really serious subject, is wonderful. I have a few family members who still struggle with the disorder. I have worried about each of my daughters and have always made sure to allow them to be beautiful as they are. I agree with you about the Victoria Secret show. I think it makes the majority of women feel insecure in some way, even though it is mesmerizing to watch. I chose to enjoy doctored up eggnog and watched Legally Blonde with my 5 year old!! Merry Christmas Beautiful. You are to be respected and adored!

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    1. Oh good, I’m glad you like the humor! I’m sorry to hear that this is touching your family personally. It sounds like they’re lucky to have you in their lives. Thanks for your beautiful words of encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  44. Oh. To know our triggers everyone has them. But until we are in recovery we don’t usually see them or we turn a blind eye to them. Great post.

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  46. I love this article! I love the honesty and sincerity and the wisdom. I don’t have an eating disorder (at least, not diagnosed, and if I did it would fall under the OSFED category) however, I am a person in recovery. I’m in a continual state of recovery, from alcoholism and drug addiction, to severe major depressive disorder, anxiety, PTSD, and general desperation. Everything you wrote is so very relatable, encouraging, and hopeful for all persons in recovery. Thank you! I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog.

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  47. “Like other addictions, you don’t just snap your fingers and then *BAM* none of the triggers or temptations have an effect on you anymore. No. They’re always still there. You just get stronger.

    I still have to check myself when I look in the mirror and actively silence the negative self talk. I don’t keep full length mirrors in my apartment, for I know that I don’t want my mind going to those places that are not healthy for my recovery.”

    “God has brought me too far in my recovery to willfully walk back into the lion’s den. Watching the glorification of all the things, aesthetically, that fed my eating disorder…it doesn’t matter how strong I am. I don’t need to be filling my head with those thoughts and images.”

    Truth! My ED battle is with bulimia rather than anorexia but the battle is the same and, as you say, it is one that you can’t walk away from: you just have to get stronger.

    There are days I’m not so strong, when I recognise that if I walk “into the lion’s den” I’m almost certainly going to get hurt, even if I no longer get eaten alive…. The discernment God gives, the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, indeed helps us recognise those times and He gives us the strength to walk away. Of course the vulnerability comes because we still need to exercise our own will, and choose to listen and choose to follow.

    Christmas isn’t an easy time of year to avoid the various “dens” of food/image related temptations – not helped when you work as a chef & caterer..!

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story. You’re right-we all have different “dens” and yes, the holidays can tend to put those things under a microscope. But hang in there. Know that I’m cheering you on in your recovery. It’s nice to know we’re on the journey together! Big hugs xox

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  48. “I am reserving that priceless gift for the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.”
    Much respect to you for this! Though it’s tough to realize I can’t give that priceless gift anymore; the feeling of failure can be overwhelming.

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