Living Radically

If you would have asked me at the beginning of December what I’d be doing mid January of 2017, I laugh now to think of my answer.

I would have carelessly rattled off something about the craziness of “pilot season” auditions, the monotony of life as a nanny, and the fickle stupidity of trying to find a respectable date in New York City.

And, *sigh*, I just shake my head at how none of that even matters. And just how, where I actually find myself now, mid January 2017, is in a whole ‘nother stratosphere.


What am I doing? I’m helping my mom get her life back after her strokeAt home.

At home.

I’ll tell you what, there’s not much more humbling in life than sleeping in your childhood bed, as a mid/late twenty-something, single, and with an uncertain/unplanned future.

That, friends, is a slice of humble pie.


And as I was having an (admittedly) selfish moment of self-pity, with text messages positively blowing up my phone, all from group chats making plans for Saturday night in NYC, that I had an “ah-ha” moment. A bit of a lightbulb situation.

I’ve been looking at my decision to come back home for this season as a bit of a…oh, I don’t know…a pause. A time out. A period of stagnation.

But actually, what I’ve done…is radical.

Radical: “Characterized by departure of tradition.”

Yup. I’d say that pretty much sums it up.

If I’m honest, that word scares me a little bit. I think, especially with the election season still in our rear view mirrors, we hear that word, and we think of “Far-Out Libs” or alt-right nut jobs.


But I’ve come to have a bit of a new appreciation for the word, as I’ve been thinking more and more about my radical decision to give up (albeit temporarily) my life in NYC, my acting career, my job, being in daily physical contact with my friends, and hopes at finding a boyfriend….what I’m doing is actually a complete act of faith. 

And the more I swirl that around in my mind, the more I realize just how much, whether I realize it or not, I am totally and completely depending on Jesus right now.

Because here’s the thing…listing off all those things that I’m “giving up”…there’s not a single ounce of me that is getting anxiety or heart palpitations thinking about it. And, in all honestly, I probably should be starting to sweat under the collar when I really think about it.

But I’m not. I’m at complete peace.

And I can only attribute that to one thing…

Whether I realize it or not, I am completely trusting Jesus. I have completely surrendered my life to His plan. Because you know what? I don’t understand what the hell is going on in my life right now, but I’ve got to believe that He’s going to see me through…in abundance. And all those things on my “list” of things I’m “abandoning…” God is going to have me end up right where I’m supposed to be. And right now, that’s being with my best friend…my mom.

Growing up, my entire life has been one giant exercise of surrendering to Jesus. And honestly, I’m kind of chuckling thinking about it, because really, my life has been one big “practice drill” for the main event — right here, right now.

The anorexia, the ulcerative colitis…those derailments of my life — for a good 4 or 5 years, collectively, when all was said and done…I had to completely hand over my life, my body, my plans, my everything to Jesus, and He has never failed me. Not once. He always brought me through, to a place that was better than anything I could have planned for myself.

I can only see a tunnel vision of possibilities for my life, but God…He creates the picture. He is the artist of my life, weaving the tapestry. All I can see is the back of it…with all the threads in a giant mess, criss crossing and doubling back on themselves. It’s not until I turn the tapestry around to see that God has been, truly, creating a beautiful masterpiece the whole time. I just couldn’t see it from that perspective.

My decision to come home and be with my mom during this crucial time in her recovery, sure, it’s radical. But it’s also an act of faith. I do believe I am doing God’s will, being with the woman who gave me life when she needs it most. And in doing so, I am in complete surrender.

But I’m not afraid. Because Jesus, I trust in You. 

And if I’m really trusting in Jesus, then I’ve got to be forthright about something that has been moving in my spirit.

I’m getting such a strong nudge to do something that…well…it scares me to even give voice to publicly. Because in doing so, I am putting it out there. On the record. Documenting a goal that I am now accountable to.

But I think God has given me this quiet season in my life to finish up writing the book that I started when BeautyBeyondBones began, a little over a year ago. I have been called to complete it, but have never found the time, between my job and my friends and keeping up the rat race in NYC. And, now, I find myself with the time to do it.

Turning BBB into more than just a blog…that scares me. But just like everything else in life right now, I’ve got to just hand this over as well, and say, Jesus I Trust in You.

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341 responses to “Living Radically”

  1. This is why you have a Rosary. This is why Daily Mass is key, when you can get there. Remember people out there love you and your family.
    It’s going to be OK.

  2. Someone once told me that FAITH is “Forwarding All Issues To Heaven.” It’s so cool to see people do that!

    For what it’s worth, if you wrote a book I would totally buy and read it!

  3. BBB, so sorry to hear about your mother!

    Father, pour out the gift of your Holy Spirit upon C’s mother. May her body know the healing strength of your divine presence! In Jesus name. Amen.

    I really enjoyed this post! It goes very well with the message I’ve been working on for Sunday. The premise is we cannot begin to depend on God until we accept that everything does not depend on us.

    Blessings to you in the unexpected and and uncertain time. May God reveal his beauty to you in a new way.

    • Thank you so much for that beautiful prayer. it means a lot. And good! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. You’re right – God is really someone that we can fully depend on. hugs to you! xox

  4. Awesome post. I hope your mother mom is okay. My folks moved here to be close to me. It certainly changes things. Jesus I trust in you is correct. I will say a prayer that you finish your book. You’re an inspiration to many. God Bless you.

  5. Prayers are said for you and your mom and dad. Nearly four years ago, I moved my mom nearer to me. It was the right and God honoring thing to do.

    Blessings to you and on you!


  6. Ugh I love this !!! I’m 29 turning 30 this year and I’m living at my moms 😩😂 but I know everything will workout . Trusting God with my life is the best thing I can do or else I would drive myself crazy.

  7. My first book was published last November. It was written in fits and starts as I care for disabled family members. It can be done.

    One of the best bits of insight shared with me by another writer was that the Apostle Paul was very fruitful – often while in jail. Much of the New Testament was written down by a guy in jail or at least under house arrest much of the time.

    So “confinement” of whatever sort can be productive. I pray that it is so for you. Bless you for taking care of your mother. What one gives up in Christ’s service is replaced in unexpected and greater measure.

  8. God is good at getting our attention, isn’t He? Or just refocusing our attention on Him when He sees that we losing sight of Him, even when we don’t realize it ourselves. I just got done reading something by A.W. Tozer. Something he wrote said, “Whatever keeps me from my Bible, is my enemy however harmless.” The same can be said when we start losing focus of God. When the tough gets going, you let go and let God. I’m still praying for you, your mother, and your family. It’s been difficult for me lately to focus on God what with everything I’ve been doing in my life, and it took spraining my knee and ankle for me to actually, and quite literally, slow down and think. I read Psalms 1 today and it said that one who meditates on God’s Word is like a tree planted by the river–growing stronger and drawing its strength from that river. You are that tree, Caralyn, keep your chin up and just let God guide your life!


    • Hey Tom! Oh my gosh, He is SO good at getting and refocusing our attention. Let go and let God. That is such such great advice. and incredible challenging to do at times! haha Thanks again for the prayers. oh gosh, I guess that was a divine injury! 😉 thanks for this beautiful note of encouragement. grateful for you 🙂 xox

      • It is challenging! Like all things that God wants to teach us, it takes practice in application! I hope you’re doing well, Caralyn! I know that a family member getting hurt can be devastating, but it sounds like you’re handling it well and that you’re being as strong as you can be! God has certainly brought you far! Hope to hear from ya occasionally!

  9. Good luck to you girl and I wish your mum the best of all possible recoveries. I was my mom’s caregiver until she had a stroke so many know how you are feeling. Thinking of you.

      • I only recently stumbled across your blog and now follow you faithfully and just followed you on Instagram. I seriously wish you so well. I have been very, very sick for over a year and spent a year, all last year, recovering. This year things are looking up but I have a long way to go. Being sick has made me a very spiritual and soulful person and I identify with you in that way, girl. You rock and I wish you all the best and send cyber hugs your way. Keep on blogging way please and know there are many out there who so are uplifted from reading your writings. Have a good night.

      • gosh, thank you again. I’m so very sorry to hear that you’ve been sick. I’ve been there and know how challenging of a season that is. so know that my heart is with you, and how glad I am that you’re doing better!! that’s terrific to heart! gosh, i love those hugs and i’m sending them right back at’cha!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 This was seriously so encouraging for me to read. thank you, my friend xox

  10. Hi Caralyn. I am welling up with pride and love for you, after reading your post. I will keep this response short, ( I think ). Three points came to mind as I read.
    First, that you are settled in, caring for your Mom, and knowing you are right in being there. I know your previous post stated you had gone down to help.
    And then, when you mentioned twice about following Jesus closely, knowing God has His plan for your life, and you are following Him, my spirit really filled up with joy, because that is such a blessing to hear.
    And the final thought for now, since I said three only tonight, is how thrilled I am that you are taking up writing your book. I realize also, that was discussed quite a while back, but sometimes a road bump happens in life, then our plans are altered a bit.

    Continuing to pray with expectations, for your Mom, as well as your Dad and you daily, believing for a Healing touch from Jesus, with His Peace and Calm, along with the empowering of the Holy Spirit.

    God’s Blessings,

    • Oh George, you are such a good friend, thank you so much. I love your three points! 🙂 Here are my three 🙂 — 1)Thank you for your continued prayers. It means the world. 2) Thank you for your encouragement about the book! You’re right, it got a little derailed but i’m trying to tackle it now. 3) It’s amazing how Jesus really gives us peace when we need it most. Thanks for stopping by my friend. much love xo

  11. I love that tapestry illustration…

    First, continued prayers for your Mom. Second, prayers for you.

    Trusting Jesus is radical? He invented radical, right?! The cross, Last will be first, turn the other cheek, and on…

    I’m just glad you are at peace, trusting Jesus completely. Best place to be.

    Let us know when we can expect the book..You are an inspiration.

    • Aw, thanks! And thank you for your prayers. it seriously means the world. Yes!! He literally wrote the book on radical! haha, yeah, it is a good place to be. thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

  12. Prayers indeed for your mother and for you, too, for taking up this particular burden and moving forward, gracefully and with love. This is what family is all about and I wish there were more like you out there. I may be following in your footsteps soon, we are in a bit of a holding pattern but there never really is any question – family is one of the most precious gifts God ever bestowed on us. God bless! Rich

  13. Truly Lovely, inspired, and heartfelt. Thank You very much for sharing. I am struck by what radical means today, you touched on it briefly, yet from a broader historical perspective, is what you are doing radical? imho not really, it is the way we lived not long ago. The way you described it, it fits perfectly, though with today’s culture and, I think especially from a NYC resident’s view

    • Aw, thanks Jeff! you’re right, caring for our parents wasn’t anything new back in the day. Even just 30/40 years ago. But you’re right, from a NYC perspective, it is definitely a bit of a different path. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your wonderfully kind encouragement. hugs to you xox

  14. First off, thank-you for using that ‘That’s So Raven’ gif!! That show was everything!! Looking forward to the spin-off.


    It’s so wild how I can relate to the seasons in your life. I too am in a place of wondering what my tapestry is looking like because I have been involved with an unpredictable life journey l. One thing is certainly true, God has not failed us yet. Every part of our lives is working out for our good. He is present through it all!

    This time for you to write that book sounds incredible. I can only imagine the impact it will have. This blog is just a taste.

    You keep being a wonderful support system for your mother and remain inspired. All the other things you seem to be missing out of may not even be intended for you anyways.

    Keep the faith! You’re spirit is contagious!


    • thanks JV! haha, I was totally a Disney Channel girl growing up! I lived for their DC OriginalMovies 🙂 but seriously, thank you for your thoughtful response. i’m so glad it resonated with you. You’re right – He will work everything out for good. Gosh, you are a great encourager. Grateful for you. hope you’re having a great week! hugs xox

      • Yeas!! One of my goals in life is to have an exclusive collection of all those movies BUT those are tougher to collect then the movies in the “Disney Vault” *sigh* They did play ALL of them over the summer FYI. It was glorious…but I did not get much sleep that month…ha!

        Thank-You but YOU are the great encourager. Takes one to know one.

        Keep the flow!


  15. So many continued blessings to you. Good on you for your act of faith, sounds like you’re following your heart. Remember that you already are ok. <3 God loves you exactly as you are. Love and peace, Debbie 🙂

  16. Gosh, I’m so proud of you. I say go for it. Finish the book. You’ll never be sorry that you did. And cherish this time with your mom!!!

    • aw, thanks Doc. 🙂 i so appreciate your encouragement! yes, you’re right, this is really a special time. i am grateful for every minute 🙂 she’s my best friend. thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

  17. Glad to hear you’ll be completing a book! I think it will used to bring great encouragement, hope, and healing in Christ to many.
    You may already be aware of it, but a great option is self-publishing, using services like Amazon’s module, CreateSpace, and on Kindle. I published my first book, “Road Dirt: The Musings & Ramblings of a Biker Preacher”, using their very user-friendly interface.
    Check it out!

  18. It’s been a long day on the road, but I’m glad I still have time to check your entries tonight! My comments are at Patreon. I am very glad that being home is really starting to work for you on several levels!

    • Hey Jeff! oh gosh, I’m sorry you’ve had a long day. I hope that you can get a good night’s rest this evening! and thanks for using some of your precious down time to read my words! you rock, friend! hugs xo

    • Well, it’s about my story and healing and the things I’ve learned through my battle/survival of anorexia and my healing from Ulcerative Colitis. God has delivered me through a lot of “crappy” stuff……(get the pun there?? 😉 haha #pottyhumor) but yeah…not a self help book, but just a this-is-my-journey book. i don’t know. by then end of it, it may be something completely different. i have a lot of ideas and now i finally have the time to do it! thanks for asking! hugs to you xox

  19. Always love your posts! I’m going through a similar time of growth in strength and faith, especially in looking back at where I was a few months ago. It’s amazing to hear others who are so on fire for the Christly life, keep it up and He’ll keep blessing you endlessly!

    • aw, thank you so much kristen. That’s kind of you to say. i’m glad this resonated with you. You’re right, sometimes we find growth and a renewal in faith in the most unlikely of places/circumstances. Thanks for the encouragement! know that i’m rooting for you, too and sending prayers, hugs, and love! xox

  20. You are doing a wonderful thing and you won’t ever regret it. I spent a summer with my Grandfather when he couldn’t live alone any longer, giving up a summer job at Yellowstone to do it. *I* got to enable my Grandfather to enjoy the final weeks in his own home, just the two of us, going out to eat together, going for long rides in the country, listening to music, watching baseball – I wouldn’t trade it for anything. May God bless you and keep you. Grace and peace to you…

    • Thank you so much DW! wow, what a kind note of encouragement. i really appreciate it. and thanks for sharing your experience. wow, what a gift you gave to your grandfather. it sounds like you really gave him a beautiful final chapter in life. i’m sorry for your loss. and thank you for your prayers. it means the world. hugs and much love xox

  21. Another great blog – thank you! I especially liked ‘I don’t understand what the hell is going on in my life right now, but I’ve got to believe that He’s going to see me through’ as this Im sure is do true for many of us reading it – I know it certainly is for me! By the way I’m delighted to hear you are writing your book again. You are indeed a gifted writer. As the owner of a publishing company do let me know if I can help in anyway.

    • Oh gosh, thank you so much. I’m glad it resonated with you! Yeah I think we all have seasons like that in life. But it’s good to know we’ve got Someone who can see the big picture at the controls. And wow thank you so much! I’ll be sure to send you a transcript! Thank you for your offer to help. Advice welcome! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  22. God bless your mom and God bless you. Always love reading your posts! Your sense of humor is a great asset for weathering life’s adversities. Thanks for always making me smile. 🙂

  23. Good on you, BBB! You are honouring your mother. We cared for my own mom during her struggle with Alzheimers – it really takes you out of yourself. Hang in there, you’re doing a great work and it will grow you in Christ. Love your blogs 🙂

    • Oh thank you so much:) I really appreciate your kind words. My mom is my rock and so I am beyond happy to be here for her. Oh gosh I’m so sorry that your mom battled Alzheimer’s. You’re right, it really does. Thank you for your encouragement and support. Hugs and love xox

  24. This is probably one of my favorite blog posts of yours. So inspiring !! I myself believe that God leads you to places to think,to breath and to move on. God will never let go of you, He just has a better plan for you, one you can’t even imagine!!

    Thank you for this post.
    BTW can’t wait for the book 😉

  25. You have been blessed – not only with precious time with your mom but with this chance to write your book. Go for it!!!
    Luv this post, btw… I’m going through my own leap-of-faith/uncertain time myself and I’m doing the same thing – praying and relying on God. Sometimes what we think is a time of challenge is really a gift/blessing…
    Best of luck to you…

    • Oh thank you so much!! I really appreciate your encouraging words. you’re right, this time is really precious. I am cherishing every minute. I’ll definitely keep you in my prayers during this transition for you. You’re right, even in those times, God showers us in blessings that we may not see until down the road. Thanks for stopping yb! hugs xo

  26. So much victory in your life.

    You probably already know this, but if you’re thinking about writing a book, publishers expect you to be able to self-market (ESPECIALLY if you’re a new author), and…well, this blog would make one heck of a platform. The biggest barrier that most new authors face, you’ve already knocked out. (Or God has.) So give it some prayer!

    • Oh thanks Brandon. Gosh that’s such kind encouragement. I really appreciate it. I am pretty “green” when it comes to knowledge about the publishing world, so any and all advice is greatly appreciated! hope you’re having a great week! big hugs to you xox

      • Yeah, when I started doing research on getting published, I learned that publishers have very limited resources, and that most of what they have is shuttled towards their tentpole authors. They have no intention of doing marketing for you. So in order to impress them, you usually need some kind of “platform” from which you can self-market. And I’m telling you, a blog with the sheer number of followers you have…most aspiring authors would give their left arms for that, not to mention the easy relevance your subject material has. So take advantage of it!

  27. May God watch over you and your mother at this time. Sometimes when we try hard to do something we may be working against the Divine plan. I did that for years until I surrendered. Once I let go and trusted the Divine, life fell into place. Good for you.

    • Thanks so much, Kelli, for your prayers and support. it seriously means the world. amen to that — surrendering, though scary, gives God the chance to fully let His plan for our lives be realized. It’s kinda exciting, albeit terrifying! haha So glad you can relate! hugs xox

  28. Isn’t it amazing the scenery that is around as God drives the bus. A lot easier to enjoy because His eyes are on the road. And the best part – he already is where you are going to end up. He is a good God. Blessings. John

    • Thanks John. You’re right, when He drives it is a beautiful drive. Not always easy, be we get to where we need to be. Amen to that. Thanks for kind words and support Hugs and love xox

  29. Again, inspiring. Your words and way of writing, understanding yourself and the situation continues to amaze and encourage. I’ll gladly buy your BBB book, just make sure it can ship to SA XD Seriously though, very happy you have found peace in Christ especially with all the craziness going on around you. May you continue to live well and radically, for a radical Gospel 😉 Love from SA

  30. Ha princess, some synchronicities I wonder; my latest post before I read yours is “Deciding by Faith and not by Fear”… God is Awesome and has our whole body several rounds of life over… I told a friend he grabs our complete attention best when we are broke so that no distraction even for a shopping spree crosses our thoughts… and writing a book needs all the calm, focus and spirit… Get ready for what’s coming I bet ya… am getting prepared by the day for mine 🙂

    • Hi hi Marie! Oh my gosh that is such a powerful way of looking at it: Him getting our focus when we’re broken. That so so true. Yes! Thanks my friend 🙂 yes let’s get ready! Hugs and love xox

      • Princess I meant broke as in without a dime lol, but broken too may apply especially when the spirit resolve is weak and feeling so earthly lonely ( I know you get me somehow on this) cheers to mum Ok?

  31. There’s not much for me to add there. 😀 But watch me – I like to talk. Hahaha!

    It’s scary, yeah, but that surprising peace? Awesome, right? I rarely experience it; it’s so sporadic… not often enough because, I guess, it really only comes from trusting God wholly, fully and without any reservation whatsoever. Even when we fool ourselves into believing that we are at peace when we tackle “stuff” within our control, we really don’t have complete control of anything. Not even our own emotions! This peace really only comes comes from faith and it’s not even about knowing what God is doing or gonna do for us but in accepting that whatever He does or gives us, we will be okay and it will be the best for us at that particular moment because His is an act of love. And, we must respond accordingly. That’s tough – surrendering to that! It’s tougher for control freaks. Me. I know. Lol!

    I’m really happy for you! And what a bonus that you now have the time to complete your book!!! Get on with it already! 🙂

    Thinking of you and your mom. Much love and hugs xxx

    • Haha oh thank you so much Anne. You’re right – surprising peace indeed! And it’s true – it really is tough surrendering, but we just have to remember that He is worthy of surrendering to:) thanks for your encouraging word my beautiful friend! Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and love xox

  32. It is always right to take care of your family. What a kind and unselfish thing to do. The rest can wait, you are needed and God will honor that obedience.

  33. I love this blog post. What a gift to be able to spend this time with your mom as she recovers, and to recognize it for the blessing it is. Your resilience and faith will pull you through. Can’t wait to read your book. <3

  34. Thanks for writing about our tunnel vision. We see a maze while God sees the big picture, and the big picture is beautiful. I’m going to write about this today in my blog. You are such an inspiration. God bless you!

  35. I love this and your strength. At times, nothing in our lives make sense but it is always comforting to know that He is there and His divine plan is more than we can ask or imagine. Continue hanging in there. In ALL things give thanks! 🙂

  36. “The place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.” ~Hafiz

    I believe you nailed it when you thought about all you were giving up, and you still felt peace. That is how God works lovely. <3

  37. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and hope that her health improves quickly. I am sure that she appreciates your decision to be with her–I bet the time together will be a blessing to you both. Sometimes those unexpected trials teach us the most. And trusting the Lord in uncertainty is often no fun, but is a mark of spiritual maturity. Thanks for sharing with us. XOXO

  38. Awesome testimony of faith and trust! Wow! And you’re only 20-something?
    What you’ve discovered during this trying time with your mom is what’s most precious in life…more important than careers and all the accolades the world can give. It’s our relationships…it’s other-centered love mutually shared through the thick and thin of life. And that’s a gift from God. This will serve you well in all your future relationships, because, at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.

    And I’m so glad you’re writing! This is the best season to write…when you’re away from your normal busyness. Still praying for your mom’s full recovery. 🙂

    • Thank you so much Mel. You’re so kind to say that. It’s true – our relationships are such a gift from the Father. And thanks again for your continued prayers and encouragement! You are a blessing to me! Hugs and love xox

  39. Very brave and selfless of you to be doing this, and I know Jesus has you in the palm of His hand. It’s hard to remember that sometimes, though. Especially when we’re looking at our own situations. I’ve been struggling with anorexia for more than 15 years now, nearly a full half of my life. And things in my world have been changing radically over the past year. I’ve been living about an hour away from my family in another city for about five years, and this year seems to be shifting me in the direction of moving back to be closer, mere streets away from my parents and my sister and her own young family. She’s losing her husband to terminal cancer. It’s happened hard, and it’s happened fast. And as he gets nearer and nearer to leaving us, the more I feel like I need to be closer to her. She’s my best friend, and she’ll need someone to talk to. At the same time, I’m terrified. Living a full hour away from everyone has kept me somewhat “safe.” I’m afraid of what being closer will mean. I can’t hide out. I can’t avoid having my family come visit my apartment, where they might open my fridge and see just what IS or ISN’T in there. I’m afraid, but I hate living this half-life of fear and hiding. And I miss them. I miss my family. I miss my best friends, because that’s really what they are. So I understand your feeling that you are where you should be where you are right now, back close to your parents, even though it wasn’t what you’d planned. I’ll be praying for you, and your mom’s recovery. I hope you’ll keep me in yours.

    • Hey Liesel, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. You’re right- I do believe that Jesus has me and my entire family in the palm of His hand and that’s truly the best place to be. And thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry that that is our common thread, but I fully believe in you and your ability to reclaim your life. Because you’re right- it is a half-life. I have been there. I absolutely will keep you in my prayers. And I am so sorry to hear about your brother in law. I’ll pray for him too. It’s so wonderful that you’re going to be there for your sister. You have a lot of love to give and I think it’s so awesome of you to give of yourself in her time of need. Sending so much love xox

  40. So beautifully written, so poetic are the words! But more importantly is the beauty contained within your spirit. I sincerely hope your Mom recovers her health. I think you are brave, compassionate, and very wise. Thank you for these lovely words and even more for your positive message.

    I especially adore these lines: “I can only see a tunnel vision of possibilities for my life, but God…He creates the picture. He is the artist of my life, weaving the tapestry. All I can see is the back of it…with all the threads in a giant mess, criss crossing and doubling back on themselves.”

  41. Keep up the faith. Our Savior and Friend never lets us down. Never! True peace comes when we utterly rely on Him and trust His choices for our lives. Keep on keeping on in faith! 🙂 And keep smiling, it truly helps.

    On Thu, Jan 19, 2017 at 5:00 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “If you would have asked me at the beginning of > December what I’d be doing mid January of 2017, I laugh now to think of my > answer. I would have carelessly rattled off something about the craziness > of “pilot season” auditions, the monotony of life as a nan” >

  42. Radical, yes. But an act full of love. I”m not sure I’d have classified it as faith as much as I would have love, but both work. It certainly is radical, adventurous, unsettling. You will find it, no doubt, an interesting time of untold growth.
    So what else ya gonna do to radicalize your time in the Buckeye state? 😉

    thoughts and prayers with you sister

  43. You honor your mom, and in doing so, honor our Father. I see so much of myself in your words and can relate without doubt. Gifted you are, young lady!

  44. I think this God placing you right where you need to be ! You had been struggling with the urge to leave NYC and head home for awhile and a situation arose which led you back home! Gods plan is perfect and I’m praying you’ll take this season to embrace what he has coming your way! Rooting for ya! Can’t wait to see the next phase of your journey!

    • thanks for this encouragement, Soph! I think you’re right. This is God’s way of directing my path to where He wants it! Thanks for the prayers. they are greatly appreciated 🙂 Yes! here’s to a new chapter! hugs xox

  45. I suspect that you are feeling peace because you are fulfilling one of God’s commandment: “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12. In caring for your mother you are fulfilling this commandment. When we fulfill God’s commands, when we are the compassion of Jesus in this world; then, God draws near to us and gives us His peace and His joy. Serving Christ in this way is its own reward. Your radical decision is only radical in that you have chosen to follow God’s will. You have taken the lesson of Jesus to heart: Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (Mark 9:35). You are placing the needs of your mother before your “needs” (really, before your “wants”) and being her servant. You are being Christ for her. Is it any wonder that you feel the hand of God in what you are doing, in where you are at?

    Write your book. Care for your mother. You are doing God’s will and by surrendering to Him you will achieve an amazing victory. By losing the battle of selfishness and realizing that to be first you must strive to be last and servant of all, by doing this you will be blessed.

    • Thanks Oogata. You’re right, I didn’t even put those two and two together, but I guess this does classify as honoring my father and mother. That’s such a powerful verse. definitely something to think about. thanks for this awesome and uplifting note of encouragement. i am filled with so much hope. big hugs to you xox

  46. The word radical comes from the Latin word radix (plural = radices) for root. You have returned to your roots, your source, which is a beautiful thing. You can’t see where you are going if you forget where you have been. You will find in caring for your mom that she will unintentionally give more for you than you will to for her.

    • How interesting! I didn’t know that about the word. I think you’re right. I’m already seeing that come true. I am learning so so much. I’m cherishing this precious time. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  47. I can so relate! Thank you so much for sharing from where you are at! I think we all hit those places where surrendering to Jesus is all we have, the only hope we have, but it’s in that surrender that we find who He is and who we are! What an amazing God!

    • Oh good! I’m so glad this resonated with you 🙂 You’re right, He is always there when we have no where else to turn. there is freedom in surrender. thanks for stopping by! hugs xo

      • Ditto! God bless you! You’re blog has inspired me to share from my own painful healing journey. Thanks for being brave enough to put yourself out there and share from your gut wrenching experiences. You’ve helped me to gain courage to do the same. Again, God bless you! Sending you hugs and kisses to! Enjoy the journey with your Mom. I know sometimes with my journey it was really amazing to give back to my mom when she was down–she’s given so much to me to get me on my feet. She’s been a life-saver, sounds like your mom has been too. Thank heaven for those mother warriors! 🙂

  48. I’m reminded of a couple of statements from Erwin McManus, in ‘Chasing Daylight’:
    “God clarifies in the midst of obedience, not beforehand.”
    “You can enter into divine moments only when you are willing to serve.”
    Sounds like you are exactly where God wants you to be!

    • Hey Sojourner, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. What beautiful quotes. I think you’re right – I definitely feel at peace, which i think is a pretty good indicator that God has me where He wants me 🙂 big hugs to you xox

  49. God has an amazing way of removing everything comfortable and familiar from our lives so we can live in complete dependence on Him. I look forward to reading more about your journey!

    • thank you so much for your thoughtful response. you’re right, it’s in our dependence on Him that’s when He can really show us how much He truly loves us and will take care of us. Thanks for your encouragement. have a great night! hugs xox

  50. Hi Carolyn…I am sure your mom is so relieved to have her daughter by her side during this season. As a parent, we spend our lives wanting our kids to be blessed and never to be a burden to them. Your mom probably doesn’t like the fact that she is dependent on you but I bet she is so happy she has her baby girl with her. You are being “Jesus with skin on” for your mom. I am excited for you to see how God is going to show you more of His heart and plan for you in this season. Thanks for being an example of what love looks like. Prayers for your mom and you to see the hand and heart of the Father in new ways! (A book! Maybe some speaking too… ;O)

    • Hey Tom! Oh, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. Yeah, to be 100% honest, it is truly a blessing for both of us. Sure, it’s nice that I’m with her, but I am honestly receiving so much good from it all — God is rich in mercy for sure. I am definitely looking forward to see how God is going to shape this season of my life as well. I’m leaving it all up to Him! thanks again for your continued prayers and kindness. you are a blessing to me 🙂 hugs xox

  51. Thank you Beauty. My high school son, suffering the effects of a well-meaning but pushy youth pastor, once said to me: “Dad, I want to be “out there” for Jesus. I told him that the goal of the Christian life is not to be “out there” for Jesus but in close, as close as we can possibly get. Alas, the work of being radical for Jesus: It is always an inside job. Your story reflects this beautifully. Blessings.

    • oh thank you so much for this thoughtful response. what a powerful perspective — being as close as we can possibly get. isn’t that the truth! it’s in the closeness that people can really feel the intimate love of Christ. hugs xo

  52. Your poor mom, how is she recovering? I think it’s marvellous that you can be by her side, and that God had you in a situation where you could just pick up and leave in order to be there for your mom. I bet your book will be terrific, go for it!

    • Thanks so much for this beautifull note of encouragement. I really appreciate. I know, I am so grateful to be able to be here for her right now. Thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

  53. WOW!!! Kudos to you Caralyn. That’s how God works, He’ll turn your life upside down and then build it up again better than before. I’m thinking of James 2:14-26 What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? When you surrender and the hand of God is upon you, all will be right. I believe it. I know you do too, God bless you and your family <3

    • aw, thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. I believe that too…God is not going to abandon me in this. His mercy and grace is already pouring down over me. I feel so blessed. God is good. hope you’re having a nice weekend hugs xox

  54. If the Holy Spirit inspires you to write a book, I believe it will benefit many and God will minister to people through your words. You have a wonderful gift. It has touched me.
    God bless you and your mom and your dad.

  55. WOW! I can sympathize with you about your mom, both my parents at nearly 8 year apart, both got cancer. My dad was a bit worse than my mom’s but I have put my personal life on hold so that I could take care of things here, at home. I’m not an actor or anything like that, but a cook, I make a mean Steak and/or Chicken Fajita! I am now gearing back up to restart my life over and rediscover who I am, and this post is just amazing! Sometimes we need a little break for real life and enjoy a little time off. I admire you for what you have done and will be doing, you are one of the strongest people I know. Keep up and keep us posted 🙂 Live, Laugh and Love xoxo

    • Hi Matthew, thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I will definitely keep them and your whole family in my prayers. And gosh that meal sounds pretty delish! Thanks for your kind words. Hugs and love xox

  56. You didn’t think you’re going night what they’re getting my response did you? Good cuz I hope you’re having a great day. It has come to my attention that you are a good person. I’ve also been in the situation that you’re in right now I can relate to Everything You Touch on tonight. I can’t say too much more cuz I don’t want it to be the size of a medical book with big words that no one can understand. all I can say is that I’m happy for you and I’m really proud of what you’re doing right now because I was in that spot to with another family member of mine. I’ll be praying for you and your mother you can take that to the Bank. The blood Bank of Jesus. Keep fighting keep smiling keep believing keep trusting keep praying and most of all keep looking up when things are good and they seem to rise like blueberry muffins out of the oven or when things are bad like rainfall during a thunderstorm.

  57. Okay – thanks again for pouring your heart to us. Such a warm and kind heart to help Mum. Hope everything going to be fine. But look at the Matthew 21 : 22! Take and declare it over your life and people around you. Bless you dear.
    Everyone welcome to have a visit , Promise you will be interested!

  58. You are an Amazing girl, and I have faith in You!
    As you say, when we let go of controlling everything, and let it over to a higher power, everything turns out better than what we could have planned it to be. And as you said, we don’t see the bigger picture, the Creator does.
    My very best wishes for both you, and your mother.
    May her recovery be quick and joyful, filled with blessings.
    Good luck with your book, I know it will become Great!
    Love, Elen

    • Hey Elen! Thanks for all your sweet comments this morning. Thank you so much for the encouragement. You’re right. The Creator does know the full plan, and i trust it is good! Hope you have a beautiful week. Hugs and love xox

  59. Kudos to you for leaving behind the perceived shame to live at home and take care of your mom. It is not an easy job at any level or at any time of life, but I would think more acutely so at your age where independence is seen as “successfully ” growing up.

    • Thanks Lisa for this beautiful response. you’re right, it might be a bit of a different path than most of my friends and “generation” are on, but I am so grateful to be where I am. thanks for stoppingg by! hugs xox

  60. What an incredibly encouraging post! I’m thankful for your willingness to pursue Jesus, even when it’s hard. “Giving up” those other things will pale in comparison to what the LORD has in store for you.

    Jesus is Better. He has a bigger destiny for each of us than we can even begin to imagine!

    Romans 11:33-36 became my life motto shortly after my life changing experience. I hope you can find comfort in those words too!

    • Oh thank you so much Matt. I am so glad you enjoyed the post! You’re right, Jesus IS better. Amen to that. I will definitely look that verse up. thanks for sharing it, and I’m so glad you’ve found comfort in that passage! hugs to you xox

  61. I love that our lives and experiences are worlds apart but our love, pain, challenges and lessons are rooted in the faith and goodness of the same God. He is always with us. Praying for your moms recovery and that this season of your life continues to be spirit led.

  62. Hello dear. Look at where the Lord has brought you. You’ve helped me to continue with my autistic grandson, who is the joy of my life. I gain strength from reading your blogs and your resolve to continue in Jesus. Yes, it’s more than just a blog. It’s an inspiration. I pray for you whenever I think of you. My daughter is getting better. Praise God.

    • Oh thank you so much for such a kind note. I’m so glad that my posts hit home with you. Truly, I am so incredibly touched. Thank you for the prayers. Know that you and your family are in mine as well. I’m glad to hear that your daughter is getting better! praise God. hugs and lots of love xox

  63. God bless you on this journey, BeautyBeyondBones. I, too, have been through similar experiences and I can tell you with clarity and confidence, I know I was in the Hand of God and He had me right where I needed to be–and still does today. Follow your heart as He leads you on your path. 🙂

  64. A very sacred moment in every person’s life… when they become aware that the direction of their love has separated from their dreams of success. “Your” love of your mother and family has brought you to where your are, not your love of Jesus… that is God’s plan, and nothing more. Trust and follow your love. Everything else just falls into place. (I only trust people who choose to follow their love. Everyone else is just delaying an inevitable crash.) All my best prayers to you and your family.

    • Thanks for this, Craig. You’re right…it is a different feeling. But I honestly feel so at peace, so I feel like I’m in the center of His will for my life. at least right now. thanks for this beautiful encouragement and prayers. big hugs xox

  65. Life seems to always be one step ahead. The good news is that God is right there with it! Living radically so often is embracing the precious mundane things we have been given in our life by God, Family, friends, and the simple obedience in faith always marks the most radical believers. Keep walking in faith, God is in the midst of it. Praying for recovery.

    Finish the book! I recently finished one and it has been such a blessing to give a tangible piece of God’s amazing faithfulness in my life to others.

  66. Hi BBB,

    Yes, you are living the words out. This is the nuts and bolts of a life of faith. I will pray for your book. When the Lord has the right timing, He gives you time to do it. Now with life under your belt, maybe its time. I am in the same boat. My blog is actually secondary to my book. It is a long road, but it will be worth whatever God is bringing out of it.

    Have a great week. In Christ,


    On Thu, Jan 19, 2017 at 4:00 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “If you would have asked me at the beginning of > December what I’d be doing mid January of 2017, I laugh now to think of my > answer. I would have carelessly rattled off something about the craziness > of “pilot season” auditions, the monotony of life as a nan” >

    • Hey Gary! Oh thank you so much for your prayers. I love that – “When the Lord has the right timing, He gives you time to do it.” THat gave me goosebumps! THat’s going on the fridge! hugs xox

      • Oh, hey I liked your courage photo with the two fingers hugging. I noticed that was your picture. Can I use that in a post? I just didn’t want to use that without permission.

      • haha aw thanks. yeah, i really liked that little image too, so I just had to put the saying on it! haha Yes! absolutely! I’d be honored it you used it 🙂 Go for it!! hugs xox

  67. It is both terrifying and so peaceful to hand the reigns over to Jesus. I’m at a point of being patient and letting him work on me before my life moves on. I’ve been reading about being patient and letting God work and I came up on something interesting. One author (I think it was Joyce Meyer) wrote about what to do while you wait. I was like, well you just wait…. duh. Nope, pray, serve, and expect. Continue to pray to see His wisdom, serve others, and expect your prayers to be answered. Wow! So we don’t just sit there twittleing our thumbs? My ADD brain is so happy to know what to do while we wait! (and I obviously have no idea how to spell twittleing…)

    • thanks for this kind reflection. You’re right, it’s terrifying, but with it come a strange sense of peace and freedom. I’ll definitely check that author out. haha it looks correctly spelled to me!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 grateful for you! big hugs xo

  68. I once heard that “the land between is fertile soil.” It’s a scary place to be – but you grow so much in that time of taking your leap of faith and seeing where God will have you land. And you will never regret being their for your mom! God bless!