Late Bloomer

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well, Lord, I’ve gotta hand it to You: Well played, Sir. Well played.

Sitting here in the Adoration Chapel with my mom, wracking my brain about how The F am I supposed to write a Valentine’s Day post as a hopelessly single gal, who has left all prospects of love back in NYC when I temporarily moved back to Ohio to help my mom recover from her stroke six weeks ago, and what do You do?

Enter: a tall, handsome, young man (sans wedding ring) into the chapel.

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Good grief, Lord, You could have warned me! Why was today the one day I decided to slum it and wear sweat pants and an oversized sweater to the chapel?! I haven’t seen anyone ever under the age of 65 in here! But on the one day I’m a hot mess…Sheesh.

Well played, Lord. Well played.          

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I’m going to be honest: being back home and helping my mom….dating has been the last thing on my mind. That is, until my mother, (in her temporarily unfiltered state) unabashedly probes as to why I’m still single (and why I haven’t gotten a haircut or if I’ve considered botox)…haha

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Being home here, and truly serving my parents during this difficult season, pouring everything I have – emotionally, physically, and from my inner-most heart — I realize just how much I love loving. I really do have so much love to give. Love that I cannot wait to share and shower on my future husband, whoever he may be.

But I think if I’m being really honest, that thought and that notion is guarded in so much fear. Fear that I will have to expose my heart and my brokenness, and that I will be a disappointment. That I will be rejected at my most vulnerable, innermost level.

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But there is just so much fear there.

And I wonder, what if I’m incapable of loving someone? I say I’ve got high standards, but jeez, boy’s gotta be Brad Pitt-adjacent for me to be interested. I mean I’m always finding something that is a deal breaker.

I tell myself that I just haven’t met him yet. God hasn’t brought him into my life yet, but I mean, my clock is ticking and I don’t care how Fort Knox my nighttime facial cream routine is, those smile lines are gonna start popping up any day now, and believe me, that will be the day…

But I know I have a lot of love to give. And I love loving another person. Perhaps right now just isn’t my season for romance.

Perhaps this is my season to serve. To help. To love. To foster my mother’s spirit and help her to bloom and regain her life and her memory. Because honestly, that is where I’m feeling so strongly pulled. I have never felt like my life has more purpose than it does right now. I have never felt like my life has more value and worth than it does right now.

It’s funny, I’ve spent my whole life battling the lies in my head that told me I didn’t have worth, and now there’s not a doubt in my mind – all it took was a stroke.

            “Above all, trust in the slow work of God.” 

I just looked over to a book my mom is reading and that is the sentence I read.

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Through my time with her here, one of the most incredible things is watching her bloom after this devastating event. So too, I think, with me. I was a “late bloomer,” which is really just the nice way of explaining why you’re sixteen and still flat as a 2×4. But I digress.

            Trust the slow work of God. 

I think my life has been one big, gradual, slow as molasses, blooming process. Through my anorexia, I slowly learned to love myself and love God. Now, through this caregiving season, I’m learning how to love another person. And this final stage is going to be to learn to let another person love me. Because it is in letting someone in and becoming vulnerable and sharing my past – my hurts – my fears – failures – how I’ve hurt people and what I still struggle with – that Caralyn…the real Caralyn…is the girl who needs to learn how to be loved.

But above all, I have to believe that I deserve to be loved. Because honestly, that’s the kicker.

And I know, writing that out – and yes, I’ve handwritten all 1000 words with a pen – I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I still think that vulnerable part of my heart still needs work. The part that believes I deserve to be loved.

Trust the slow work of God.

Slow work.

I don’t know how much slower it can get. But I do pray it not be too much longer, or all the “good ones” will be taken!

I think I need to give myself permission and grace to be slow. To bloom at my own pace. Let God work His timing. That’s what I’ve been encouraging my mom with – to not rush the blooming process. It sounds like I need to heed my own advice.

God is at work in my heart. Slowly. Methodically. Deliberately. I cannot see the grand plan. The end game. Only right here. Right now. Right at this handsome man God brought into the chapel tonight to remind me that He hasn’t forgotten me.

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353 thoughts on “Late Bloomer”

  2. You know I’ve been married for 22 years and still learning how to love well as well as to accept being loved, warts and all! (I too have always hated my pitiful bra-size). At the moment I’m reading a brilliant book by Gary Thomas called ‘Sacred Marriage’ https://www.behance.net/gallery/45215331/DOWNLOAD-PDF-Gary-L-Thomas-Sacred-Marriage which is brilliant and I’d REALLY recommend you read it even as a single person.
    In your post you made two interesting comments in adjacent paragraphs, in the first you said you are worried you will be rejected because you feel you are too broken and then in the next you say you are afraid you won’t find someone good enough. It seems you are saying that you know both yourself and anyone else will never be perfect enough-aint that just the truth!!! That’s why marriage is a tough relationship, why we need God’s grace everyday but also why it is so wonderful when it works well because it reflects, in part, Christ’s love for us, His bride. You probably just need to accept that you will never BE, or FIND, the PERFECT person but that you have the blueprint for perfect love and that’s all you need in order to make a good start. Hope the handsome fella coes back today. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. Wow 22 years! That’s so awesome. And thanks for the recco. I’ll definitely check it out. Haha that’s so true! And amen – I do have the blueprint for love. And yes that’s all I need. Thanks for the kind words. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The message was, I think, ‘there are handsome men in Ohio too … and don’t forget, The One may be wearing sweatpants and a baggy jumper when you first meet him…’ and it was said with a smile …a very friendly, I-know-you-are-looking-to be-a-couple, smile!

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  6. I greatly commend you for your openness and vulnerability being laid out so beautifully. I’m very much a late bloomer also and the daunting thoughts of giving love and being loved forever plays on my heart and reading your words had me smiling because I realise that I share so much similarities with you.
    Nowadays, I find myself putting effort into not caring, not searching and more on God but even that can be a struggle. Imagine struggling to not care on trying to wait up on that special person and just trying to enjoy myself with myself and God.
    All that to say, thank you for being open 😊

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  9. “Fear that I will have to expose my heart and my brokenness, and that I will be a disappointment. That I will be rejected at my most vulnerable, innermost level.” I think that this fear is pretty universal. Everyone struggles with it … even the guy who walked into the chapel. 😉 Even after 15 years of marriage, this fear can wreak havoc if I let it. If I refuse vulnerability because I am afraid of rejection, it can produce distance. I loved reading Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection. She addresses vulnerability and shame and the destructive nature of ‘perfectionisn’ and I found it an incredible read. For me though, it really comes down to really grounding myself in Christ, in His incredible, unconditional love, and taking my full identity from being a beloved child of God. In Him, there is only acceptance, only joy at who we are. Blessings.

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  10. Another great post! Always trust in God’s timing. You may not think He’s working fast enough for you but always remember that He will know when the time is right. It’s been a tough lesson for me to learn (and I’m still in school, so to speak) but always remember that God knows the right time for everything.

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    1. Hi Sharon! Yes, this is that blog. I’m sorry for the mix up. It accidentally posted as I was finalizing it with images and gifs and whatnot. So I quickly took down the unfinished draft and replaced it with this finished one. Sorry about that! Thanks for reading! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I swoon, on your behalf. Felt all the butterflies also and a flutter in my heart. Gosh, I’ve been thinking about being single another year, another Valentine. Yes, God is slow in this department right now, for me, but I’m guessing he’s seen my track record and wants to give me a home run!
    Love your words today… 🙂 more than I can say!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I love that! Yes!! He wants to give us a home run! He wants to give His children the best. It’s just waiting for His timing that’s the hard part! Glad you stopped by! Hugs and love xox

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  14. The Almighty’s perspective is the ultimate perspective. It is the basis of reality. The real question we need to ask ourselves is, “What does the Almighty consider my true value to be?”

    From the Almighty’s viewpoint, the answer is, “You are My child and you are precious. You are created in My image. In essence you are a Divine Soul. I have created the world for you. Your entire being and your value is a gift from Me. When you see yourself from My perspective, you know that you have infinite value. Your intrinsic worth is greater than anything that can be measured materially.”

    –Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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  15. Caralyn,

    It’s quite a job praying for you guys (you and future hub) with you guys straining at the leash. 🙂

    I’m joking, of course!

    Wow, stay in there. Don’t rush. Keep your wind, It’s a race, and it’s not against time. All of time is yours for keeps now. Listen to Him.

    And it’s such an honour to pray for you both, when we can see how much is always at stake, and how many people are held up by the grace of God working through you. How many are encouraged to wait, and not lose what is so very precious.

    A word a friend of mine spoke to me when the waiting was beginning to chafe, was ‘Surprised by joy’, and that is exactly how it turned out. But that;s another story; and right now I pray for everyone who is waiting to meet their life partners, and who are waiting and trusting God against all odds, that this would be true for all of them too, ‘Surprised by joy!’

    Many regards,
    Indi

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Indi! Haha boy do we appreciate those prayers!! 🙂 ❤ thank you with all my heart! Know that you and your family are in mine as well. And oh gosh, thank you so much my friend. I am always so encouraged by your thoughtful responses. Seriously, I always walk away learning so much. Amen to that: Surprised by joy. I hope that will happen soon for me as well! Hope you have a beautiful weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  17. I’m so glad you shared this. I have been in the “single” boat for a long time, and I have found myself wondering where all the decent single guys who love the Lord are hiding. But God always does these things–the little things where He reminds us that He loves us first, and He’ll love us for eternity, and we can trust Him in His work in us (even if it’s slow). Thank you!

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  18. This post was right on time – thank you! It really hit home with a couple of issues that I’ve been struggling with. Thanks again for sharing your journey regarding the singleness thing – I’ve struggled with some of the same burdens, I suspect that I’m older than you! 🙂 Your blog is a real blessing.

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  19. I noticed you said that you “left all prospects of love back in NYC.” I think it’s natural to think that more quantity equals more potential but really I find in my experience that it’s not necessarily true. Men meet you where you are. For a few months, I moved from a large Metropolitan city to a tiny town of a few hundred people to look inside our childcare system and I found more men that I was equally yoked with there than I do here. Now I wasn’t interested in dating since I was moving back home, but it made me realize that quality is more important than quantity. You may not be the only girl taking care of a sick parent. You would have lots in common with a man from Ohio who has had to do the same. Awesome blog.

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  20. Ooooh that would happen on the one day you have sweats on and a hottie comes walking in haha that has definitely happened to me before! I think it is important to be patient and have everything happen the way it’s supposed to. I always want to rush my life, get to the next step, but I need to learn to be patient, to enjoy being in the now. BUT, it’s still hard, so I’m learning how to do that.

    One more thing, you have beautiful skin and you mentioned here you have a routine at night for it. So in an uncreepy way, I want to know what you do for your skin because I am riding the struggle bus hard on how to take care of my face. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Roslyn! Haha yeah it had to be that day haha. That’s such great advice – enjoy being in the now. That’s so important for a lot of different things in life. And thank you! I use tarte’s maracuja oil every night. It’s amazing stuff! Hugs and love xox

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  22. For everything there is a season (Byrds, by way of Ecclesiastes 3 🙂 and this is where you get to be slow, to serve….to listen. And you will find the ability to find yourself worthy of love, and then to love and be loved. I have confidence in you….and God 🙂

    I have learned that while I have lost my daughter after the divorce, I have had more time with my mom than I ever would have found. And for mom, that’s good. So the value of these times? I don’t always like it, but I now can it see it some.

    Happy Valentines Day sister : )
    ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Jeff. I’m so sorry that you don’t have much time with your daughter. That breaks my heart. But that is definitely the silver lining with your mom. 🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day to you too. Hugs and love xox

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  23. As a single in my thirties, I’m not sure what to say to you that hasn’t been said already by both the church and the world.

    But for some reason, this occurs to me:

    “Find someone who likes you with the sweatpants and without the eye shadow.”

    You wouldn’t want anything else.

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  25. Hi Caralyn,
    I just want to encourage you to never give up on God, never give up on yourself and never give up on possibilities. God is an easy one – he’s perfect, all-knowing, all-seeing, wise, etc. etc. Giving up on Him is next to impossible. Giving up on yourself is easy. Or so we think it is. If we listen closely we can hear the gears moving and working all the time – even when we feel defeated. It is in our nature to keep trying, to survive. But let’s talk about the possibilities. They are endless. Truly. If God be for you who can be against you? With God ALL things are possible. So you have an open ticket to LOVE. All you have to do is try. Try to fit Love into your schedule. Try to bring love into your every day life. You already have a form of it in your relationship with your mom. But that is just one aspect of Love. Another aspect of Love – and equally beautiful – is letting some stranger into your life and letting them learn to love you. And don’t turn away from awkward possibilities. I met my wife through friends. It was not love at first sight. In fact, I was kinda turned off by her. But through time I came to desire a close relationship with her. There was a lot to learn and I grew to enjoy her company more and more each day. We have now been together for twenty years and have never been happier. We accept the fact that both of us – each of us – has issues. We are not perfect and we do butt heads at times, but we never came into this looking for a fairytale romance. What I’m trying to get at is that you can allow yourself to dream, but don’t be unrealistic. Nobody can take the place of God in your life and nobody every will. There are no good people in the world. We are all sinners. We are all prone to fail and to be a disappointment in some way to someone. Just find the man who understands this concept as you hopefully do and who wants to share this glorious experiment with you. Gosh, I”m long-winded. Love you kid. Go out and find that man!! BTW – we do believe now that ours IS a fairytale romance and yours can be too!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh Eric, this is so beautiful. thank you so much. I am so touched and so encouraged after reading this. Seriously, my heart is full of so much warmth. You’re right – there are so many possibilities with God. He is the master creator after all. I just need to trust in His goodness and His timing. How grateful am I that I don’t have to be perfect. I need to remember that in my love life as well. and Yes! It is a fairytale love story with the Father. Have you read Captivating or Wild at Heart by John and Stacy Eldridge? It is such a great book about that very thing. I’m rereading it with my mom right now. powerful read. Thanks again for being such a great friend and encourager. You are a blessing to me 🙂 hugs xox

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      1. I am so thankful that my words can be an encouragement for you. That is all we can hope for in this life. To be a blessing to others.

        I have not read the book by John and Stacy, but will look for it next time I am at the church library.

        God bless and keep you. Love.

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  27. Your opening paragraph is the stuff that great novels are built on (or at least an excellent short story). 🙂 I have found chocolate to be a cure-all. My significant other and I are now focused on unconditional niceness as a pathway to love. In this world where folks are split along so many lines, we have dedicated ourselves to being the other’s unconditional port in any storm. Happy Valentine’s Day. Friendship is greater than love. —CC

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  28. Well, after a very long drive home last night because I-40W was closed due to a monstrous wreck, I’m finally getting to reading my favorite blog! I have, of course, reserved my comments for Patreon. So take a very deep breath and head over there where I will – very lovingly mind you – slap you upside your sweet head!

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    1. Oh no!! I’m glad that you’re home safe. Driving at night is not my cuppa tea. Well, actually, driving in general makes me nervous to be honest, at least when I’m behind the wheel! Haha looking forward to getting some sense knocked into me 🙂 hehe hugs xox

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  29. Ah, yes. How well I remember those fears, the feeling of slowness, but every moment of preparation is so worth it. He is making your heart ready. Sometimes, we think, “Enough already, Lord!” But, only the Maker of Time knows when the time is right. When it all comes together and God ushers in the right one, you will know and it will be so beautiful. ❤

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    1. Thanks so much Marisa 🙂 I really appreciate your kind words. You’re so right – the Maker of Time – I like that 🙂 He will make things happen when they’re supposed to happen. Really grateful for your encouragement! hugs xox

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  30. One of the things I’ve learned through my journey in relationships is the importance of being yourself. Reading the bit at the start about being in sweat pants and an oversized sweater when the guy walked into the chapel I couldn’t help but think how perfect that was. As a society we have this thing about presenting an image to those we want to impress, but I think when it comes to relationships it is not the image that is important but the heart. The man who falls in love with you is going to fall in love with the real you, the you who puts aside image to sit in a chapel to love and support your Mum. He is going to see your heart of compassion and your love for your family and that is going to be more important to him than any image. He is going to find that those are the moments he loves you the most, when your guard is down and you are living out what God has called you to. The outfit, messy hair and smile lines are going to be signs of the joy and love in your heart. So don’t stress about appearances, just keep being you and the guy who is right for you will fall in love with that.
    (Hope this makes sense, it’s not well written but I hope you get what I’m trying to say)

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh gosh, Tim, thank you so much for this 🙂 what a kind and thoughtful response. I think you’re right- I’ve got to be myself. Because real love is going to accept that real me. My goodness, I am so touched by your comments. Thank you, my friend. It definitely makes sense:) Hugs and love xox

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    1. Hi! Oh gosh thank you so much for asking! I’m absolutely honored that you would want me to guest blog! So at the moment, I’m going to have to take a pass, just because I’ve got my hands full with everything with my mom. But when things settle down, perhaps I could revisit the idea! Thanks for stopping by! Big hugs to you xox

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  33. I’ve seen times in my life when God took people and things away from me that I counted on. Other times He added people and things to me and I was totally blown away by His kindness. I needed both. As a young Christian, I told God I was tired of hoping for a boyfriend and I didn’t care if I ever had a boyfriend. Within a couple of weeks, a guy was looking for a prom date and my friend made a list of girls he might want to meet to ask out. She started with my name and wouldn’t let him go out of order. We ended up going to the prom and dating for a while.
    I try to hold onto people and possessions loosely, and I hold onto God with all of my might and trust Him to keep me following after Him. Thanks for your blog and for using your gift of encouragement. I’m glad to hear that your mom is doing better. Along with many others, I’m praying for your family and for you.

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  34. The Latin root for Valentine is strong or worthy. His story is sad but there are not many saints that aren’t also Martyrs. I don’t know. Love is not my favorite subject. It seems to be complicated as an existential first world problem.

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      1. The contradiction, I can love. I can love everyone but to love someone a wall is put up and only one person has some kind of, key. In reality though, it could be anyone.

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      3. Maybe the acting is stopping love to become more, adoration. It’s easier to be liked than to love. Love, is the easy hard thing you do for, forever.

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      5. I wasn’t criticizing the acting. When you watch late night tv and the actress is out there… they never talk about you know, that guy. Husband. Boyfriend. Like a flash in the pan and then it’s about pet tricks.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. that’s so true. You’ve got to open your heart to relationship and interaction in order for love or friendship to grow! hope you’re having a nice weekend my friend 🙂 hugs xox

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      9. Ah, art is my substitute for love. I agree with you but, I’m always moving. So, the slowness love needs, remains lost. I congregate rarely, converse personally, and disappear. I’m more of a man’s shadow than those things that women love in men, collectively.

        Liked by 1 person

      11. I used to like the saying “two halves make a whole,” but it’s really when you’re whole yourself that you may allow yourself to love, someone. Hopefully, they are whole too. haha So maybe your deal breakers are self projections? The mind chatter that everyone has when emotions are there.

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      13. My daughter is special needs so, I had to learn like fifteen different ways look at stuff. haha It’s probably good it’s just us.

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      14. haha, yeah having those different ways of seeing thinks and looking at situations is so powerful. Ir really forces you to seek understanding from every angle. how awesome is that 🙂 Your daughter is lucky to have you 🙂

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      15. I agree. “The human mind has a gift for bringing order to chaos.” We, understand that as we now care for someone that now sees life. Through, a kind of filter. It’s the easy hard thing to help, them.

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  35. Hi Caralyn – this is going to sound strange but I believe that God has finshed his healing work in you and that all his plans for you are going play out now in his perfect timing; no more hard work from you trying to fix yourself. Just be youirself with all your honesty, vulnerability and love.
    Althoiugh I have not responded to recent posts – been having treatment – I have read them all and continue to stand in awe of your insights;(the lessons you have already learned take most of us a lifetime to get to grips with.)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. What a beautiful reflection. Thank you Andrew. I do believe that God is at work and I am so grateful for His healing power in my heart and life and with my mom. Thank you for your incredibly kind and consistent positivity and encouragement. I really appreciate you 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  36. So happy to read your new love-interest! It is similar to the way I met my recent girlfriend — not at church but in my acting class. Trinity is always in action even though we might not feel or know it; and, He reveals His plan to you in perfect timing and synchronicity — I’m so happy for you — he’s a lucky guy! Can’t wait to read and see the adventures the two of you will experience. I was about to give up my acting career cuz I had a slow 2017 start; then, I met my manager yesterday, 10-February, and I booked one feature film that shoots in Ireland 17-April; and, I booked another feature film that shoots in California in March 2017. Both films have well-know leads; so, I was elated with these two wins! So, I, too, gotta hand it to Him — just when I’m at my weakest moments — shazam — there He is!

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    1. Thank you so much Alfonso! Haha oh I wish he was a love interest!! I never actually got up the courage to talk to him – only saw him across the chapel. Haha maybe one day:) and congrats on your bookings!!!! That’s so exciting! Big things are on the horizon for you! That’s terrific 🙂 amen to that – There He is! Have a wonderful weekend! I hope you find a special way to celebrate your exciting news!

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      1. Thank you. Well, if you want to say, “hi” to him you will. I appreciate the kind words of acknowledgement — actors need this; because, wins on my level as so few and far between. If you have a reel, send it to me. I can check it out and send to my manager; you might get an audition. Have a great weekend. Cheers!
        /s/ Alfonso

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      2. Absolutely! This profession needs affirmation and encouragement more than people realize. Happy to share in your joy and excitement! And gosh, that’s so kind of you! If you give me your email address, (or you can email me first at beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com) and then I’ll send you my reel! Thanks again. Hope you’re having a great weekend! hugs xox

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  37. Opposites attract.

    Most people think of themselves when they think of love. But the paradox in God’s design of us is that we don’t see ourselves clearly – to fully apprehend the purpose we serve in the world, we need the loving eyes of someone with a different perspective.

    Birds of a feather flock together.

    Conversely, your words express the universal concerns of all women. We get trapped in each others patterns, and so fail to see the “out” that God has provided into the future of love that is planned for his Creation.

    The wise know their mate when they encounter that compassionate heart that lingers on what is strong and good in our souls. Be dowdy, because the external appearance of beauty only distracts us from what is inside. Stop judging yourself, and await the one that does not judge, but takes joy in the possibilities that you represent. Live in hope, Caralyn!

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  38. Dear friend,

    When we expect something then often disappointment is the consequence of it –
    however, if we let loose and allow things going on without putting inner force and pressure to it – unexpected things may then occur – just when we have not expected, anticpated them – thats why the book is wise: “Be patient with yourselves” and not only with yourself but also with others…

    What is sometimes vulnerable in us that is our mind: when our pride is hurt – then our mind is hurt, when we do not get what we want – we are also hurt and then we even tend to blame others for it, even God who has not heard our “prayer” – in this connection we need to see ourselves, our thoughts, our words, our deeds as a reflection, an echo that draws a picture of how we are, to discover ourselves, to be aware why we think or do in this or that way, to understand our motives for it. When the surface of the water is in motion like our mind is many times like that then we cannot see our own face in this water – only when the water is still, when our mind is still. Patience and contentment are good helpers to still the mind. And when we let go our wishes then these wishes will come to us, silently when we do not think of them…

    thanks, dear friend, for your honest report which I fully appreciate.

    In thankfulness
    Didi(Artist)

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  39. I love posts like this that show how relevant faith is for all of the issues life throws at us. Sometimes our trust in God is all we have. Lately on my blog I’ve been trying to make sense of the way people pervert faith as a tool for hurting instead of healing, but this post gives me hope. Thanks for sharing!

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      1. I feel my faith is being tested at the minute. Different things happening, feel quite sad I haven’t been up to date with your blog either x

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  41. Prayers out to your mom hope she continues to recover well ❤ I completely understand were your coming from when I first met my husband I struggled feeling like I deserved someone and had the thoughts why would someone want to be with me very hard with such low self-esteem at the time while I was still struggling with the eating disorder and I think even after it takes time to see your self worth and beauty and see why people love having you in their life but eventually after so many years I felt like it clicked for me which I couldn't be more thankful for I know it hurts to feel that way but I know its those eating disorder voices that keep trying to creep back in when those feelings come about but know that you have so much worth and so much to offer someone. 🙂 As for the husband part that will happen when you least expect it and aren't looking mine happened a couple hours after my parents left me at college and I was crying was not looking for one whatsoever lol but I know yours will come 🙂

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  42. Yeah we can have hard times when we want something good for ourselves but we also have to deal with stroggles also, but at the end of things we become stronger, what ever the outcome, comes to be. We also learn live lessons that God teaches us.

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      1. Of course.. I look forward to reading your future articles. And if you get a chance to do my workouts on my last post I would love some feedback from you and would really appreciate it. Thank you and keep doing what you are doing because it is great! =)

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  44. Beautifully spoken.

    Give yourself permission almost to except it, is one of the hardest things I think I myself have done. You know Christians always say it takes faith to move mountains and we often forget that it takes years for a mountain to come to a peak…and sometimes equally as long to dissemble and fall into the sea…This life we’ve chosen is one of endurance for sure. Thankyou.

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  45. Do not lose hope. God’s timing is perfect. Until then, you have been given the task of caring for your mom, which surely is pleasing to Him. Keep praying and have faith it will happen. 🙂

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  46. My friend, bbb, you are one heck of a storyteller. In fact, you are a rarity. I am sure God has the perfect person for you. But the time is not right.The serving season you mentioned might be training for the gift God has for you. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know all things work together for good to them that love God. And to them who are the called according to his purpose”.

    Saul did not like his youngest son, David. So he sent him to tend to the sheep. But God had bigger and better plans for David. While tending sheep, David encountered and fought Lions and Bears. Unbeknownce to Saul, God was preparing David to fight and defeat the mighty Goliath.

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    1. Hi Noel! Oh my gosh, what a kind thing to say. Thank you so much. I am incredibly touched by your encouraging words. I believe you’re right – God will word everything out in His perfect time. It’s not my job to drive the ship, but to just be patient and wait on the Lord. I’ll have to reread that bible story 🙂 Thanks for sharing! hugs xo

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  48. I love that quote at the very end “Life is vulnerability.” That was the inspiration for my post “vulnerable good.” I have to remind myself that no one is perfect, and as C. S. Lewis says, to love at all is to risk being hurt, to suffer immeasurable pain. But if you don’t, you’ll become impenetrable. Interestingly, I just heard someone say this weekend that we need to be at rest before God can bring us our husband or wife.

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    1. Oh thank you so much! I’m glad you like that quote – vulnerability is such a funny thing. It is so scary to be vulnerable, and yet, once you do it and become vulnerable and share your heart, the return you get is incredible – you feel so free and loved and safe! Love that from CS Lewis – to love at all is to risk. So true. Thanks for the encouragement. hugs ox

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  49. awh honey, what a brilliant post!
    don’t you worry girl (and no… i am not kidding… don’t worry, or fret, just chill)
    you are right on track, you got it all figured, just keep learning to love yourself,
    love you with god as god does, with time… it will all fall into place.

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      1. 😉 love ya 🌹yep 🌞i’ve been chillin 🌟write a list of all the qualities that your man is & don’t accept anything less… he will come, he’s 👀 looking for you too xN

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  50. Peace be with you Love. God is working through you. It is so encouraging to read your posts and know I am not the only one blindly stepping through life. You encourage this lady to continue my quest and to follow my Lord. Keep seeking and you will find the path meant for you! Peace and Prayers Milly

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