This Post is Raw

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I had been putting off writing this post for about a month and a half.

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.

Feb 26-March 4

I had been dreading writing this post because, obviously BBB is an eating disorder recovery blog, so I feel kinda…obligated…to address the topic, but honestly, I’m kinda luke warm on the whole “awareness” thing.

It just seems a little…glorifying if you ask me. And I have a problem with that. Don’t throw around photos of healthy-yet-slightly-thin girls in stock photos pretending to be sad, or even worse, smiling and holding a piece of pizza, and gloat that you’re raising “awareness” or fighting the stigma. The theme: “It’s time to talk about it…” that’s borderline insulting.

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Why don’t you ask the mother whose daughter died of heart failure due to anorexia, or my mother when I was 78 pounds and she was checking on me in the middle of the night to make sure I didn’t go into cardiac arrest. Why don’t you ask them how they feel about those photos.

But I digress. Perhaps there’s more to NEDA week than that.

I will say one other thing though. Whoever thought it was a good idea to have NEDA week overlap with the first week of Lent, and particularly, Ash Wednesday – a day of fasting, was a grave oversight.


But this is definitely a difficult post for me to write. For one, I actually developed my anorexia during Lent my Sophomore year. I gave up sweets. And well, the rest is history.

So there are a lot of mixed feelings about that.

So this time of year is always a difficult one for me.

But ED awareness.

“Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

I had a real sweet conversation with my mom tonight after we went to church together. She had spent the hour reading my inpatient journal. She’s pouring over it ever since I brought it home from NYC. I don’t know if it’s because of the stroke that she doesn’t quite remember it, but she just has this passion to read what I went through. It’s really quite touching.


But afterwards, tonight, we were the last two people in the room. And we just embraced in this crying hug for a couple minutes. And she just cried in my ear about how sorry she was that I went through that. And she said, “If I could go back, I would do it differently.”

A little surprised, I prompted her to share more. And she said, “I would try to talk to you about it.”

So, it turns out, that I have to eat my words. NEDA week’s slogan this year, “It’s Time to Talk About It” turns out to be quite spot on.

Standing there hugging my mom in church tonight, I finally realized that NEDA week isn’t about the girls. But for the loved ones. The same reason I started this blog. The same reason I’m writing my book.

Eating disorders are hard. There’s stress and emotion and anger and desperation and micromanaging and everyone is on edge around the issues of food and weight and calories and recovery. But at the end of the day, everyone is trying to navigate this scary and unfamiliar territory in the best way they know how. And sadly, that’s hard to know what to do.

Holding her, and telling her how she doesn’t need to apologize, the thoughts about NEDA week and its timing couldn’t get out of my head.

The fact that Ash Wednesday – the day that we literally wear ashes around on our foreheads, marking us and reminding us of His crucifixion – the crucifixion that paid the price for my anorexia – the fact that that day falls on the week that we’re also spotlighting eating disorders…that gives me chills if I’m honest.

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That was what got through to me at inpatient. That was what broke through the walls and the barricades I had placed around my heart.

I was a scared, hurting, and starving little girl. And what set me free from that anorexia and the guilt I had, was to realize that I didn’t have to carry it anymore.

Jesus took it and nailed it to the cross.

Jesus died so that I didn’t have to be enslaved to ED anymore – I could be free.

Hugging my mom in the back of the church, there were so many unspoken words, words that healed. I wished that I could have gone back and undo all the hurt and pain and sadness I caused her. But she then turned to me and said, “But I wouldn’t change it. Because it brought about a lot of good.”

Reading my recovery journal, coming face to face with the raw, unfiltered reality that I was battling every moment in my mind, my mom finally came to understand things that she was never aware of. How could she have been at the time? I was shutting everyone out, isolating myself, and if anyone would try to broach the topic with me, I would storm out and peel out in my car and go take a power walk at the nature preserve. And then when I came home from inpatient, I didn’t want to go back and talk about it. I wanted it gone. Erased from my history.

She finally was seeing what I was going through.

She was getting aware.

Eating disorder awareness… it’s not a photo of a smiling, healthy girl in a cute hat looking down and thinking about puppies.

Awareness means seeing the disease for what it is – a battle for your mind. A girl paralyzed in fear, using her control of food as her coping mechanism to ease her tortured mind.

Awareness means seeing the girl as more than just a severely malnourished body, but a spirit that needs emancipation. Freedom. Rescuing.

But the even more important and exasperating thing…is that no one can do that for her, except herself. She has to want it. She has to seek it.

And the only rescuer that will truly save her, is Jesus.

I guess my trepidation with writing this post tonight was because I knew deep down that awareness hurts. Because you’re letting someone into the pain. You’re exposing the darkness that is the eating disorder.


It’s not some celebration a la Think Pink Breast Cancer awareness month.

It’s the line that once you cross, you can never uncross. Kinda like walking in on your friend’s dad on the toilet. There’s no going back.

So I thought I’d close with the final passage from my inpatient journal.

Let the words of that scared girl speak for themselves.

“Life is full of many unexpected twists and turns that we are unable to predict or control. Most situations are out of our hands, but it is comforting to know that the Creator knows all and that He knows what is going to happen and that He will take us in His hand and carry us through life if we ask Him to. I want Jesus to carry me right now because that is what I need. 

I am scared because I am on transport and I am scared because my supplement was upped and I am scared that I am having an ulcerative colitis flare and I am scared that I have to have these injections but I am going to put my faith in God and let Him lead me because He puts this all together for good. And we may be in the top of a burning building, but He’s outside telling us to jump, and even though we can’t see Him through the smoke, He can see us and will lead us to safety.

Sometimes in life we can take a lot of things for granted. Including life itself. That’s what I did in the eating disorder. I took life itself for granted and when you do that, it is a very very scary thing. Life is so fragile and precious and when our vision is skewed by a filter such as an eating disorder, it is like we are playing with fire. And that is a dangerous thing.”

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387 thoughts on “This Post is Raw”

  2. Well, another BRAVO! article. This is terrific. I’m unaware of all of this, but your article was very inspiring. I’ve never been one to judge other people about things like this. My worldview is a little unique compared to most. Very heartfelt article. The honesty is what makes your blog worthwhile. There’s nothing artificial or fake about any of your postings. Thanks for putting your heart into this. That’s what good writing is all about. That’s what makes your blog worth reading. The heart and love you put into the writing is what this is all about (at least for me).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh Dave, thank you so much for this kind comment. haha, yeah, perhaps I’m a little too honest at time 🙂 haha….but seriously, thank you for your affirmation. It’s nice to know that someone is enjoying these ramblings 🙂 You’re awesome, Dave. Hope you’re having a great night. hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  3. For what it’s worth, blogs like your’s are examples of what it means to raise awareness. I’m not convinced we need something like NEDA. We need more people like you who are courageous and willing to be open about their experience. We need parents and friends of people with ED who are willing to do the same. It’s that openness and vulnerability that builds relationships. Without that nothing is really accomplished. Thanks for all you do, Caralyn.

    Liked by 8 people

    1. Wow, I am so humbled by your words. Thank you so much. Truly. And I think there’s a lot of truth in that — the key to a strong relationship is that vulnerability — when the walls are down and the hearts are open. So glad you stopped by. thanks for reading 🙂 hugs xox

      Like

  4. I think I said this already, but thank you so much for your bravery! You’ve come so far in your journey.
    I agree, I feel like sometimes awareness movements do unintentionally glamourize the problem that they’re trying to help with – to go off what you said, addiction isn’t a sad girl with too much eyeliner holding a bottle of pills, it’s completely losing yourself to maintain a state that blocks out the pain…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Joss. I think you’re right about that … glamorizing the issue may make it more “appealing” to the masses, but it doesn’t actually get to the heart of the issue. That’s a really powerful statement. thank you for sharing that. you’re right, there’s no single “face.” And the sooner we collectively as a society can realize that, the sooner healing can take place. thanks for stopping by and for sharing your heart. big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi David, thank you so much for this response. You know, I actually haven’t fasted since my recovery. I wrote a blog to it last year…I’m pretty sure I linked to it…but I believe that it brings God more joy that I eat and NOT fast, than it would give Him if I did…I will abstain from something else. But you’re so right David — that’s really important. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂 Big hugs to you!! xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. You give me courage to open up about my binge eating . It’s easier for me to talk about alcoholism than it is to talk about binge eating. II’m so happy for you that your mom is becoming aware, that’s so important . I cried reading this blog because I wish my mom would get me. I get tired of hearing ” so when are you going to start working out” stop being lazy etc etc . It’s really hurtful . But she just doesn’t get it so I just try my best to not let it get to me. I know this won’t last forever because my God is amazing ! Thank you for this post . ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing that, friend. Oh Cristal, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re not feeling heard by your mom. That breaks my heart…perhaps your opening up about that could spark some healing conversations. 🙂 I will definitely keep your relationship and what you’re going through in my prayers. One of the most tricky relationships in this life is our relationship with food, and for me that took a looooong time to get straightened out. big hugs to you girlie. Hang in there 🙂 much much love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I am speechless at your courage. Your story of survival and how belief in whatever higher power you choose to believe in got you through. I am in awe of the hauntingly raw beauty of your words. I am happy for you and I
    See you as the fierce survivor that you are. You will inspire so many. Thank you and keep
    Up the amazing work gorgeous!
    xoxo Nikki:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Nikki, I am so touched by your kind words and encouragement. Thank you so much. I really am so grateful for the healing. Life is a gift, and it took me a long time to realize that! You’re a blessing to me! Big hugs to you xox 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Out of all the blogs I follow, yours is the only one in which I read every. single. post. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. May God continue to strengthen your faith in Him, and may something incredible spring from this blog and your dedication to glorifying Him during this healing process, to the benefit of other hurting girls out there.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh my gosh Laurie, I am so humbled and touched by this. Thank you so much. I’m so glad that you’re enjoying reading my posts! Thank you for your prayers too, it truly means a lot.God is good and I am so grateful for His healing power. Big hugs to you xox

      Like

  15. I am glad that you and your mom are opening up more, but your post made me think about how I as a breast cancer survivor HATES those stupid games that for the sake of breast cancer awareness you are supposed to make a Facebook post that is so cryptic, that your father ends up calling your unwed daughter and ask her if she is pregnant because of it. (That really happened in my house!) If anyone reading this wants to make people aware of a certain issue PLEASE contact several people who have actually battled it, before you publish your idea. Awareness events should be informative, Pictures that misrepresent the problem, and cryptic Facebook post do not help anything, and may actually hurt some that are in the mist of the battle.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am giving this a standing ovation. So so true. And so important! Thank you for sharing your story, and first of all — congratulations for being a survivor. that is amazing. I cannot image the strength you must have to have gone through that 🙂 What a rock star. (And sorry your daughter had to have that phone call! eek!) Thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was lucky. Before I got the diagnosis, life was an obligation, after I realized that I would not have gotten the crap scared out of me, if life was as bad as I thought it was. My new perspective came at the price of a lump on my breast, a hysterectomy, radiation,… but I gained a new appreciation for life!

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      5. My dad’s wife, the same person who told my dad to call my daughter about being pregnant, today asked me to put a heart on my Facebook page status!
        Instead I posted that mammograms save lives, and a link to cancer.org.

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    1. Thank you so much! Oh my gosh, what a kind thing to say 🙂 I really appreciate that. THANK YOU for being so awesome and for being such a positive source of encouragement and JOY!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 This made me smile. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. big hugs xox

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  19. You are so loved. Honestly, I’ve never even met you face to face, but I genuinely care for you and appreciate you. I’m blessed to know you and the world is blessed by what God has done, is doing, and will do through you.

    Keep on keeping on.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I am too! It’s a shame we don’t live closer. I’d love to meet all of my close blogging friends. It seems, from what I read, that you and I would get along great. 🙂 Maybe one day.

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      1. That’s the deal about these blogs – we don’t know who’s reading them and what situation they are in – but I’m sure that readying about a ED first hand account will help others open up – I’ve have tried to help a few people with ED’s and the roots go really deep – God bless you in your recovery – you are making a difference – hugs back!

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  21. You are an amazing writer in that you have that way of pulling in your reader and surrounding them in your experiences. I have never had anorexia touch my life in any way, and have never paid very much attention to it, but your blog is just interesting and engaging. A lot of what you write speaks to other aspects of life, kind of like when you open the bible and come across something that pertains to your life RIGHT NOW. And I swear, if you make me cry one more time…;)

    I’m glad you found your way out of that darkness. Thank you for spreading your light to others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh Amy, thank you so much. What a kind thing for you to say. I’m so glad that you’ve enjoyed reading my blog. Isn’t it amazing, how God’s Word transcends time and culture and eras?! There is so much comfort and hope there. Yes, me too…God is good. thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement. hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  22. After reading your post, to click “like” seems trite, and thoughtless. “Thank you for writing” also seems thoughtless, but there aren’t really words. Silence seems more appropriate, for those who’ve suffered and no longer have words.

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    1. Wow, that is so powerful. Thank you so much. One of my readers and dear “blogging friends” actually passed away from this horrid disease about a year ago, and so that is so true – silence for her beautiful soul. I appreciate your support. sending love and hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  26. “and even though we can’t see Him through the smoke, He can see us and will lead us to safety.” and thank God you let Him. For so long I just wouldn’t let Him lead me to safety. He can see us, He truly is the only One who can see us, really see us, not the picture we paint, we don’t have to worry about worrying Him, protecting Him from the real us. He gets us, warts and all. I am sorry you had to go through that, but it got you here. God bless you for sharing. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I love all your posts. so bold and brave… I am just entering the blogging world and am learning slowly.. but your insights— you definitely have the Holy Spirit moving through you- what a huge honour and blessing.

        Liked by 1 person

  28. Comments at Patreon. This was a tough one. I wrote a short book. Sorry…

    Anyone else that maybe reads this comment, you really should listen to these at Caralyn’s Patreon site. You can really get a lot out of listening to her post!

    Like

  31. “Awareness means seeing the girl as more than just a severely malnourished body, but a spirit that needs emancipation. Freedom. Rescuing.

    But the even more important and exasperating thing…is that no one can do that for her, except herself. She has to want it. She has to seek it.

    And the only rescuer that will truly save her, is Jesus.” < Wow!! Such a powerful post. Thanks for going there and being willing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Gunnar. I really appreciate the encouragement and for you taking the time to read, I know it was a slightly longer one. 🙂 Thanks for offering a supportive and kind environment to allow me to feel safe sharing 🙂 You’re a great friend! big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  32. You express things plainly and in a voice that one is moved to trust. It’s HOW you write that keeps me interested — in a subject (more accurately, a synthesis of subjects) that I might otherwise skip over. If you wrote about how to repair plant pots with natural fiber extracts, I would probably read it. You have moved me to to be aware and to care about people struggling with a burden I can only imagine. I have to add that it is vitally important, to your readers, to your mission, and to your God, that you continue to raise up Jesus for his role in your recovery. He is everything to me, too. In time, at my little Maine Yankee site, I am going to publish a novel on faith. It is written, just needs to be added to the site chapter by chapter, as I recently did with the juvenile novel The Clover Street News. Once again, thank you…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, David, this absolutely made my night. I actually just read this out loud to my mom and we both got a great chuckle…I’ll be sharpening up my potted plants knowledge just for you 😉 haha But in all seriousness, thank you so much. I’m so glad that you also know the Love of Jesus — I look forward to your upcoming novel! thanks again! big big hugs xo

      Like

  33. Difficult to not cry after reading this, especially the part where your mom was holding you, crying and telling you that she wished that she had the chance to go back and talk to you more about this. Thank you for sharing. And it gives me chills too that Ash Wednesday and the awareness week ended up being the same week.

    Like

    1. Aw, thank you so much! I’m so glad this resonated with you 🙂 Yeah, my mom is a pretty remarkable woman. I am so grateful for her. Isn’t it pretty incredible that they’re in the same week! definitely gives it a new perspective. If only they realized that too!! haha hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  34. This is a really very powerful emotional thing. I am glad you got to enjoy that moment with your mom. Also we will be putting you in our prayers through this very difficult moment that you are having. Remember God speaks to you through sometimes prayer and the Bible. God can overcome any of our difficulties and he wants us to ask him. He knows everything but if you only trust in God and have that strong faith then God will help you.
    Amen!

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    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. Yeah, it was a really touching moment with my mom. I’m very lucky to have her in my life. And thank you for the prayers. That means the world. You’re right- there’s power in His Word. Amen to that! Hugs to you xox

      Like

  36. Dear Friend, you are a rare diamond in the rough of this race we call life. Smile, because your help cometh…. If that doesn’t work I can always wave my hands in the air like a true Italian…. Have a good night. PS: You can remove the third b in the nickname. God has shed light on the past events and wiped all your tears away… By the way, although I don’t agree with you on everything that’s still okay but if I may be so Canadian and polite. The next time you choose to celebrate with a drink think water, it was good enough for our Lord Jesus.. If that doesn’t sound good to you drink milk. It promotes good health at least that’s what those commercials say, perhaps that’s why most Holstein cows go Moooooo!

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  37. Wow. EVERY time I read something that you have written, I am so glad that I clicked on that link. Everything you say scares me, makes me sad, fuels my anger; but also brings with it a sense of peace and joy that you escaped. I hope that embarking on this path to share our loss and experience, and how we are learning and changing and growing; sometimes it feels like scratching and crawling, will ultimately lead to healing. Your words are strong and true. Thank you. XO

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    1. Oh my gosh, Allison, what a kind thing to say. Thank you so much. I’m glad that this resonated with you. Yes, I am so grateful for the healing that has taken place in my life. I’m so glad I am no longer that scared little girl anymore 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement. big big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  38. “You’re exposing the darkness that *is* the eating disorder.” This, right here is why NEDA should exist – and, who better to articulate the role it should play on the national stage than someone so eloquent as you. This was such a raw, powerful testimony. Furthermore, it dawned on me – God is love and light. Only Satan exists in the shadows and darkness. By shedding light, you are letting God in to the conversation and awareness as well.

    Thank you for sharing your insights. Your truth. Your “you.” As a former clinician, I appreciate the first hand stories, as difficult as they may be to hear (or tell) over the latest and greatest research (although I don’t discount that either).

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    1. Wow, Anni. Thank you so much. I am so incredibly touched by your kind and encouraging words. And amen to that! God *is* the source of all light and love and life and goodness, and yes — let’s blast His love and mercy to eradicate the darkness! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog:) hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  39. Thank you so much for sharing. I LOVE this:

    “Awareness means seeing the disease for what it is – a battle for your mind. A girl paralyzed in fear, using her control of food as her coping mechanism to ease her tortured mind.”

    So true. More people need to realize this.

    By the way… how are you doing?

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Talasi. I really appreciate your encouraging words. And thanks for asking, I’m doing well. Everything given my mom’s recent stroke has been difficult, it’s hard to be away from my friends and life in NYC while I’m here helping out, but I’m just focusing on the positive and remembering everything i have to be grateful for every day:) i appreciate you taking the time to read and for your thoughtful words! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much. Yeah, it’s definitely easier said than done, but if there’s one thing my mom has instilled in me, it’s that gratitude is the source of joy 🙂 Have a great rest of your night and thanks again for stopping by! xox

        Liked by 1 person

  40. Thank you for sharing your story, and for sharing just how much you have let yourself trust in the Lord. It is a hard thing to do, but it is inspiring. For what it’s worth, what you share on your blog has had a positive impact on me and my own struggles with chronic conditions. I appreciate that you share them and even if it is small, you are making positive impacts out of the dark place that you were in.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful response, Sam. Wow – I am so touched by that, I’m so glad that my blog has resonated with you. That is my deepest prayer, because that means that that dark time wasn’t for nothing. There can be good that comes of it. I hope you’re having a great night. Thanks again for stopping by and taking the time to read. big hugs to you oxox

      Liked by 1 person

  42. I don’t like it too much when “let’s talk about” drives are financially linked. Complicated issues with several sides are often simplified. And a corporation (or org) uses public naivety to advance its ‘benevolent’ image. That’s a cynical view. It may not be entirely appropriate. But sometimes I’ve felt that way!

    Cheers! 🙂

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  43. As always, you step forward in courage. But I might suggest a small correction to your story. You write:

    “Awareness means seeing the disease for what it is – a battle for your mind. A girl paralyzed in fear, using her control of food as her coping mechanism to ease her tortured mind.

    Awareness means seeing the girl as more than just a severely malnourished body, but a spirit that needs emancipation. Freedom. Rescuing.”

    I know from your writing, that you well know, that you needed more than rescuing. You needed redeeming. Indeed, in your next few sentences you cut to the heart of the matter:

    “But the even more important and exasperating thing…is that no one can do that for her, except herself. She has to want it. She has to seek it.

    And the only rescuer that will truly save her, is Jesus.”

    No one can do it for you because only you can surrender and ask Jesus to take over and be the Lord of your life. You have to want it and seek it and you did. You knocked on the door to Jesus’ heart and He opened it wide for you to enter.

    Read the words of this old hymn:

    Come ye sinners, poor and needy
    Weak and wounded, sick and sore
    Jesus ready stands to save you
    Full of pity, love, and power

    Come ye thirsty, come and welcome
    God’s free bounty glorify
    True belief and true repentance
    Every grace that brings you nigh

    I will arise and go to Jesus
    He will embrace me in His arms
    In the arms of my dear Savior
    Oh, there are ten thousand charms

    Come ye weary, heavy-laden
    Lost and ruined by the fall
    If you tarry until you’re better
    You will never come at all

    I will arise and go to Jesus
    He will embrace me in His arms
    In the arms of my dear Savior
    Oh, there are ten thousand charms

    You, my dear lady, offered Jesus the only sacrifice the lord commands:

    …For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Psalm 51: 16-17

    In your brokenness you sacrificed your contrite heart and Jesus swept you up into HIs arms where there are 10,000 charms, charms of mercy and grace that allowed you to experience His healing pity, love and power.

    He is still with you, now empowering you to share your cross with us. You have not wasted your eating disorder. You have used it as a launching point for personal spiritual growth and by sharing your story with the world you are aiding the spiritual growth of all of us who stop here at your well and drink in the words of faith you pour out.

    The walk of faith is never easy, never a straight line. It is a difficult passage through a narrow gait and up a steep mountain; but, as you know, the view from the top is amazing.

    Remember: God goes before you to guide you; God goes beside you to be your best friend; God goes behind you to protect you; God goes beneath you to support you and give you strength; and God goes above you to give you vision and courage and hope.

    Thank you for sharing your amazing journey of faith with us. God bless you as you take up your cross and climb your mountain.

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    1. Wow, Oogata, this is absolutely beautiful. My goodness, I am so touched by this. thank you. You’re right — Jesus did it, and He is still with me, helping and guiding. I absolutely love that hymn…He will embrace me in His arms….that is such a comforting image. Thank you for this wonderful encouragement. You are a blessing to me 🙂 hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  44. I am so happy you wrote this post, I am one of those people that are all for awareness because I think it helps people out, but I saw it from your side and how much hurt it caused you and your mother. At least for me being more aware of​ how to help people that have it.

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    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection! Yeah, there are definitely two sides to this coin 🙂 And yes — raising awareness does do a lot of good, especially in settings like high schools or middle schools where it may be happening undetected, or where sufferers feel alone with no where to turn. Support is always good. hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  46. Very well said. When I was asked to speak for a local organised Suicide Prevention group, I felt terribly uneasy as I didn’t understand what highlighting my trauma and depression woupd help prevent suicide. Once there, I noticed that the majority of people attending were parents, teachers and health care givers. They came because they wanted to be educated on the signs and triggers, how to talk to someone who they suspect is suicidal or how to deal with an attempted suicide. It wasn’t for me, it was for them.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so glad that it hit home with you. Wow, what a powerful gift you were able to give those people. That is an incredibly tough issue, and I know the words you spoke gave them more than we will ever know. Kudos to you, my friend. That took an enormous amount of courage. big hugs xox

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  47. I don’t know to much about eating disorders, but I do know that models suffers from this and also people who think they are fat, because they worry on what people think of them. I also heard if you force your children to eat foods that they don’t want to eat can cause them to have eating disorders later on in life, so yes eating disorders are very bad and dangerous, and what people do, to them selves, like eating very little, like a cracker or a piece of bread, that isn’t good for you, and people making themselves sick after each meal they eat, that is very unhealthy for you also.
    It is very important to have people to be aware of eating disorders and people of their thinking of their weight, because it might not be what they thinking it is.

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    1. Thanks so much for this thoughtful reflection. Yes, they are very dangerous indeed. Each person’s relationship with food is tricky, and establishing healthy habits, especially early in life is important. it’s when we use food to solve an emotional/mental issue that things get hairy…thanks for stopping by. hugs xox

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      1. I admit it’s to hard to see when people have theses eating disorders and I bet even harder to see a family member going through it and how to approach them, on how to deal with it.
        With me I never gain weight, so it very important that I need to eat to keep my entergy up, and my doctor say I need to watch out for what I eat with having a little high cholesterol, so yeah food relationships can be hard, like giving up on your favorites foods, with more healthier foods that you might like a little but not to crazy for.
        I also don’t like in animes, when they makes jokes of eating disorders, like in American Dad, even know I like that show. just not that episode, where Stan gets an eating disorder of thinking he’s out of shape, but not how he thinks of being over weight, but not eating a lot or close to nothing. Also he works out a lot with this eating disorder.
        I have seen a women like that, that was like that, all muscles no body fat, that is not healthy because you need about a inch or 2 inches of body fat to be healthy.
        I seen this on a Facebook post, of her at a gym, posting the picture of herself, of her working out. You might of seen this on the internet.

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  48. I think awareness is more of awareness for other people to change their views if you get what I mean. Also, what is the cross on the forehead I know its to do with lent but why? So not looking forward to lent this year 😂 I caved last year 28 days in because I was stressed 😂 giving up coffee again this year hope I can do it this time lol x. What if you had to give up BNS ICE CREAM lol x

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    1. Oh wow…giving up coffee…that’s tough! i don’t personally drink coffee, but dang, I can definitely appreciate that sacrifice! haha…i don’t give up anything food related for obvious reasons, so the ice cream stays!! thanks for the constant positivity in my life Benjamin, you rock! And the cross are the ashes from ash wednesday. 🙂 hugs xox

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      1. Yeah I know love you so much Caralyn you mean the world to me 😘 anything not food relative you would give up x

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  49. Caralyn:

    I’ve got the feeling that your writing is squeezing time from either end onto a moment yet unrevealed. If that’s true, know that we’re here for you. All you have to do is grasp the outstretched hand of the Holy Spirit. Those words that I make people recite to their younger selves come to mind: “I love you. We are strong enough. Come to me.”

    But whether or not that applies: at times I feel you shining so brightly, even from two thousand miles away. Your mother is right.

    Believe in yourself.

    Yours in Christ,

    Brian

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    1. wow, Brain, your words are always so encouraging and affirming. thank you so much, i can’t begin to express how much that means to me. Amen, the HS really is our guide and wants to lead us. What a comforting thought. big hugs to you xo

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  50. Your post is brave. You make clear the paradox at the core of the disorder between language based thought and the universal appetites of the instincts as they manifest across mankind. Instincts respond more to how they’re spoken to, more than to what is said to them.
    This is why the spiritual path is the healing way and the order to ease disorder.
    You may have seen my site at drt.global where I try make clear this possibility of rehabilitating the word ‘addiction’ to a healthy place in a problem solving pathway.
    Addiction is not the problem, stuck-addiction© is the problem, and you have written about that very bravely from your personal witness.
    I wish you continued success in your journey.

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