The Passing of Time 

It’s a breathtaking morning here. One of those mornings that happen only when it’s right on the cusp of spring. Kind of like winter’s last stand.

6am. And there’s this thick blanket of fog that is covering the backyard, with only the faint shadow of the spindly tree branches cutting through. It’s as though the view from my window has an eerily romantic Instagram filter. A cardinal is perched on the statue outside, and its red coloring is muted, yet brilliant against the frost.

This dreamy scene reminds me that spring is on its way.

And as beautiful as it is, it pulls at the pit of my stomach.

It’s the passing of time. 

When I came home from NYC for Christmas, I was expecting to be home for 7 days, and then be back to ring in the New Year from Manhattan.

Then my mom’s stroke happened and a) thank you, Lord, that I was home! But b) my life and plans completely changed gears: I quit my nanny job in NYC and moved temporarily back home to be on call 24/7 for my mom and dad.

Which honestly, has been such a blessing to be able to do that. You know…I could have had a serious boyfriend back in NYC or a high-powered Wall Street job that would have prohibited me from being able to drop everything and come back to Ohio.

But looking out the window this morning, I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a pang of restless anxiety or just…fear, almost…at the changing of the seasons.

When I came home, it was the dead of winter. Now, we’re on the cusp of spring.

Time is passing, and things, for me, are unclear.

And I feel like such a boob even giving the time of day to these personal apprehensions. I mean, I look at my mom, and I know that everything I’m feeling, she feels to the “N’th degree.” It’s been almost 8 weeks since her stroke, and I know that she’s wanting to be back to her normal self, and it’s killing her that she still has a long way to go in the recovery process.

Seeing that, who am I to complain about my small potatoes?

200w

After this kind of somber start to the morning, I snapped my laptop closed and decided to make that best of today.

That morning, I accompanied my mother to her book club/bible study, and yet again, I’m walking away with a new perspective having heard some sage wisdom…straight from some sixty-year old ladies’ mouths.

We talked about how in life, we, as women, are receptive. By nature. We have a receptiveness about us…we empty ourselves for others so that we can be filled by God.

And to do that, we have to be open to His plan.

And sitting there, listening to those women chat, I couldn’t help but think about the situation I find myself in right this very minute.

Where I am right now, whether I realize it or not, communicates that I am open to His plan. I have emptied my life and what I thought was important and necessary –I’ve poured it out.

But today, and these past couple days, I’ve been so focused on the pouring-out-ness, that I’ve missed how much God is filling me up simultaneously:

I’ve gotten to be here for the birth and growing up of my niece. I’ve spent more time with my brothers and their wives than ever before, which is so awesome. And not to mention, just being with my mom and dad and having dance parties that could end me up on America’s Funniest Home Videos. Either that or America’s Most Wanted…

Focusing on myself and thinking about the fast paced life I willing walked away from for this season, makes me overlook the fact that this time is actually a gift.

A gift that keeps on giving, day in and day out. I just need to stop focusing on myself and see what God is actually doing.

The fog has lifted now, both outside and in my heart. The sun has cut through, piercing the haze and bringing with it a spectacular day with crystal blue skies.

So too, in my heart.


Once again, God has provided for me just what I needed to remember in that moment.


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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

243 thoughts on “The Passing of Time 

  1. Each of us is here to learn how to receive and give divine love. That’s all. So simple, but the mind wants to make it much more complicated. The filling up and giving out you described is exactly what we are supposed to do. I believe two things:

    1) Everything is in its rightful place.
    2) God never gives us a problem we are incapable of solving.

    I’ll add a third: It always gets better–always. Sometimes it’s hard to see this, but that’s because our minds cannot grasp the entirety of God’s plan. It just can’t do it. You and your family are in good hands. Promise.

    1. Thanks Dave. I think you’re right – we are all put on this earth to receive the love that He already poured out for us! Which yes is easier said than done. I love those three things. i’m definitely going to hold onto that third one there. Amen! hugs xox

      1. I am thinking that this is a way to share what God is revealing to me so that others can learn from my life. I pray it helps many. HUGZ

      2. The things that happen to us all have a purpose. Everything is in its rightful place in the worlds of God. God will never give us a problem we aren’t strong enough to handle. You were picked because God knew you could handle it. Look at all the great things you are doing because of your situation. What could be more perfect than that?

  2. It’s great that you are listening. You could have got in the mire of the “lost” things, but He was nudging you to the new and you are willing to listen and see the good. He will always do this, if we are willing to receive 🙂 Easier said than done…lol…but you’re doing it 😉 Great post. God bless you 🙂

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 yOu’re right – He *will* always do that. And you’re right — easier said than done for sure! Definitely a moment to moment thing. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

  3. ahhh I needed to read this RIGHT at this moment. wow God works in amazing ways!!!!

    thank you ❤. personally I am going through some rough times, and it seems like just when it cant get worse, it does.

    I dont question God. But Im exhausted. and I got more news tonight that just left me wondering “ok… what do I do so I dont fall apart”. As I put Norah to bed, we prayed- first time just her and I – a humbling experience. and I said “God- I dont know what the plan is but I put all of this in your Hands. my trust, my issues, my stresses”

    and then as I sit quietly in the next room, not sure what is next on my list of things to do before bedtime- I see your post.

    and it gave me additional relief – it was like part 2 to my prayer earlier.

    XO thank u! you have a gift ❤

    1. Oh good, I’m so glad that this came at the right time for you. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a challenging season. I will definitely keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there friend 🙂 Big hugs xo

  4. Thanks again for sharing such a good perspective – so sorry to hear about your mum’s stroke – I went to visit someone from our church who had a stroke this week – the word picture I gave him was the picture of driving to Florida – about 18 hours from here – and asked him to imagine that he’s in the second hour of that 20 hour drive – it seems like recovery will be forever at this point but the journey won’t be forever – it’s work to recover but he’s seeing how much he had before his stroke and how much he has that’s worth working hard in his recovery for – bless you for caring for your family – that’s so cool

    1. Thank you again for your encouragement. That’s a really great way to look at it — it’s a journey that won’t be forever. It may seem like it, but it is worth it 🙂 hugs to you xox

      1. For sure – hey so I shoot you an email with a question – used the address on your blog page – hope that’s ok – no worries if you don’t have time to answer – have a good evening

  5. You have such a wonderful way with words! Have you ever considered writing a book? It is a career that you could have anywhere, and I know I would certainly buy a copy!

    1. Aw, thank you so much. that’s really kind of you to say! I actually have, and I would love for that to come to fruition! I really appreciate the encouragement! big hugs xox

  6. So random thoughts… Moses was watching sheep for 40 years. Joseph was in Egypt for decades. Jesus didn’t start ministry until his 30s – which was right on time.
    With that said, it is difficult to just be present in the moment, right where we are. And just when we get there some idiot comes up and asks what our 5 year plan is.

    1. Hmm, that is really an interesting perspective. you’re right, it was right on time 🙂 I can always count on your for a dose of encouragement with a smile 🙂 Hope this finds you well 🙂 xox

      1. oh gosh, Brad, I’m so sorry to hear that. Know that I’m keeping you in my prayers. hang in there, friend. I’m grateful for you in my life 🙂 xox

  7. I look forward each morning to my “Daily Bread”. Fellowship with the Lord while
    reading, feeding on Scriptures is basic, a fulfillment of our spirit’s needs. Prayer, worship and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit as well. But if you don’t delight in the
    Word of God you’re truly starving yourself. As a disciple beginning as a new believer, I learned to feed my spirit daily. The Lord honored my commitment by giving me revelation after revelation. Along with an endless string of Kingdom experiences. I began this discipline in my early 20’s. As a grandfather, I continue to do so. Sanctification is a maturing process as a believer. As an adventure, we daily grow into it.

    1. This is such great advice, Gary. Thank you so much.There really is so much truth and peace to be found in His Word. wow, what a powerful discipline indeed. thanks for the encouragement. big hugs xox

    2. I have been watching mass on the TV (as I am not supposed to drive much) every day. I tape it and then be sure to listen intently to the readings and the message. It helps me a lot to focus and to ponder what God asks me to reflect upon. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is a life long process. Also, beauty — remember that his timing is perfect. It’s not our timing but his. HUGZ

  8. And now for an arm chair observation (or in this case love seat because the arm chair is taken + it’s written in love (see what I did there?))…

    You wrote, “And I feel like such a boob even giving the time of day to these personal apprehensions… Seeing that, who am I to complain about my small potatoes?”
    I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time it has sounded to me like you kind of stomp on, dare I say invalidate, your feelings, based on your role as care giver. I’m not saying you should marinate in misery, ingratitude, and self-absorption; that’s not healthy. On the other hand, your feelings are real, valid, to be wrestled with.

    You make me think of something I heard once (maybe shared before):
    The world tells us to vent our feelings.
    The church tells us to stuff our feelings.
    But God invites us to have and pray our feelings to him.

    It’s okay to feel.

    1. there’s a lot of truth in that: my feelings are valid. and i shouldn’t just disregard them. wow, I’ve never heard that last little tidbit before, but I like it. Because if God didn’t want us to feel our feelings, we wouldn’t feel them! haha thanks for stopping by. sending massive hugs to you 🙂

  9. It is so important to recognize your feelings. Feel, be, wish, pray, hope, understand. Do them all internally and on your terrific blog….then do what you know you have to do. It is called responsibility and you are to commended for stepping up. Every minute you spend with your Mom will pay dividends in your life. After you do all those things above be grateful and proud. God Bless. Peace and Joy to you!

    1. Thank you so much Lolo! 🙂 Yeah, I can’t just disregard my feelings simply because they’re not all bright and shiny. Thanks for the encouragement. God is good, and I do trust in His good and perfect plan. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

  10. Thank you so much for continuing to share your walk of faith. God was and is aware of your beautiful spirit. The word ” serve” comes to mind….giving of yourself to serve a person or people in need. I think your thoughts are exactly perfect….I’d be more worried about you if you didn’t have them or bottled them up inside. You, being unselfish and giving of yourself are creating memories you and your mom and dad will always cherish. So proud of you! Many people would have looked for excuses to not be there….look at what they would have missed. You are so inspirational! I will pray for you and for your Mom’s healing and recovery.

    1. Thank you Rick. Yeah, it feels like they are coming to the surface now that the weather is changing. Gosh, thank you again for your continued prayers for my mom and i. it really means a lot. Yeah, my mom has spent her life serving our family. This is the least I can to 🙂 big hugs xox

  11. Your time with family is a gift, even though it comes at some cost to you. The ambitious life that you are missing is often a distraction for mist people. I have a job like that, and combined with my ambition probably cost me the love of my life.

    I know in my heart that you will in time find all that you long for. Its there waiting for you. When you get the chance go chase it

    1. Thanks so much for this thoughtful reflection. Yeah, it is always hard to choose between those things that compete for our time. Thank you for the powerful words of advice. it really means a lot. big hugs xox

  12. Really enjoyed reading. Because I am an atheist, may be I can not connect with you how much God is needed in your thought process, but as a fellow human being, I also have experienced similar experiences and had very personal realizations of that sort. Hope you had a great day.

    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I’m glad you enjoyed the read! Yeah, the human experience is definitely a common theme that we can all relate to. Thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

  13. Women are designed to receive, nurture, carry and to empty. It’s kind of gross, but think of the entire 28ish day cycle and pregnancy. It’s exactly what you’re describing here. minds remind me of a well – we are filled from an internal source (God) and emptied out (by bucket fulls sometimes by pouring). We are also meant to be covered. Think electrical outlets – plugs and receptacle covers. The covers are there to prevent unintended use and power distribution.

    While seasons change, it is important to appreciate them as they come and revel in their beauty for as long as possible. Life can change on a dime – molding us, developing us into something more the Father desires us to accommodate, carry and give to others. To be fair, winter has been relatively short. This isn’t a typical midwestern winter here in Missouri – we spent nearly two weeks in the 70’s when normally we don’t begin to see spring (meaning intense rain) until April. Don’t discount winter, though. It may come back when you least expect in its frosty fury. Personally, winter sucks and I don’t like it…I am good with spring!

    1. I am good with spring too! 🙂 hehe Thank you for this beautiful reflection. You’re so right — even the very biology in our bodies reflect that. It’s actually pretty powerful when you really stop and think about it. We are life giving beings, in every sense of the word. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your wonderful thoughts! hope you have a great weekend! hugs xox

  14. LOVE!! Your honesty about how you are feeling and processing is refreshing. What if, that serious boyfriend is actually in Ohio and not NYC? Just a thought that came to me as I was readying. Love to you sweetie!

    1. Thank you so much Terese. What a kind thing to say. haha, that’s so true! What if! I had always been saying that I need to find an ohio guy in NYC, but now I just might be able to find a real-live-in-the-flesh-ohio man right here right now 🙂 haha Thanks for your sweet words. big big hugs to you xox

  15. And here i thought i am the only one who is a little freaked out at the changing of seasons and passing of time… Realising that even though the days are passing, at least to my naked eyes, it seems like time has stopped…

  16. I have found in my 66 years that family love is more important than anything exciting the world has to offer. You are being a blessing and receiving blessings. That can be so wonderful. But I also remember what it was like to be young and wanting to just get out there and make my mark on the world.

    When my two girls became adults and married, I went to university to get a degree in Library Science. I wanted to be an archivist, taking care of the relics brought back by Indiana Jones. Lol I loved reading about the ancient past and studying ancient art and religion.

    Well, I had 2 yrs. worth of credits when my daughter became ill and needed me to help her and her children. I quit going to school that year and I never did go back. One reason is I have a mental illness and it was getting worse with the pressure of school, but the main reason was my family needed me so much.

    I used to dream of having this exciting (to some people, boring!) career. But I’m so glad I put my family first. I babysat my grandchildren upwards of 20 years. I became so close to them. I was there for all the grand occasions and celebrations. I don’t regret leaving school and a career behind. Not that I’m saying you will be doing that! No, it’s just I can see God’s hand in leading me and I’m happy with the result.

    1. Wow, Belle, thank you os much for sharing your story. What a beautiful example of love and selflessness. Your daughters are lucky to have such a great mom 🙂 I’m glad that you’re able to look back with peace and see God’s hand in all of it. And you’re only 66! Who knows what the Lord has in store for you 🙂 Indiana Jones may be part of your future yet 🙂 hehe Thanks for the beautiful encouragement. big hugs xox

  17. very well done. I don’t catch all your posts for lack of time, but I’ve noticed that you write with more eloquence and power over the last year. I enjoy your perspectives and your openness is wonderful.

    1. haha oh gosh, thanks. Yeah i woke up and it was like a dream world, seriously! My backyard looked like it was emerging from a cloud! i had never seen anything like it. I guess I got sort of dreamy in my writing haha thanks for indulging me in that 🙂 haha hoe you have a fun weekend! Full of rest and slight shenanigans 🙂 hugs xox

  18. Hey, Caralyn! Home a day early this week when something in Nashville fell through. Just as well as I’m looking at a ton of miles next week!

    Ah, those dreamy, foggy mornings! I remember seeing fog boiling out of the Maumee River some mornings. I’m glad to hear you healing in your own ways alongside your mom. More on Patreon!

    1. Woo! Yay for one less day on the road!! 🙂 Oh man, well rest up for a whirlwind week! Thanks Jeff, what awesome words you had for me over there. thank you again. You rock my friend! xox

    2. Oh! And I also published a separate piece on patreon…it was actually the one I had planned on publishing tonight, but chickened out at the last minute…hah…I second guessed myself. I instantly regretted it though….so i published it over on patreon. 🙂 hugs xox

  19. Poleaxed. Literally. This is EXACTLY what I was going to scrawl (can one scrawl on a keyboard??? or is that sprawl?). My whole life has been put on hold. My spouse asked me on our 28th anniversary if this year counted, I’ve not been with him hardly at all…no that we are together if I am there, but that is a different topic. I’ve been coming to AK to be with mom each summer. Last year I got here in July, left in mid October, and turned around to come back on November 3. I have been in solid sole caregiving mode almost nonstop. I am trying to figure out why I am here. I don’t see mom getting better, she might. She has before. If Oregon wasn’t so far from AK, it would not be so hard. We are not quite to spring yet up here. The days are getting longer, but the winter chill bites hard at -4 with wind. I have been in ‘day to day’ since I arrived. Having mom still alive is because of me, but how long can I stay? I do find blessings (I put them in my blessings blog here on WordPress–not the one I am writing from now-it helps to find good things in a horrid situation). Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement.

    1. Oh gosh, Kris, that is a really tough situation. I’m sorry that you and your family are going through that. Know that I am keeping your mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Yeah, that is a challenging season for sure. Is there any way that she could perhaps come stay with you in Oregon? Just a thought as I read that. But gosh, what a gift you are giving your mother 🙂 And congrats on 28 years of marriage. What a beautiful testimony of love 🙂 Hang in there. Sending you so much love xox

  20. Wafting in your words – I heard a murmur.

    “This is not a gift, this living. This is not an emptying nor a filling – this is simply more living one day at a time. Restless is fine, looking beyond is fine. But this day is a real and solid as any day you have lived so far. Your recovery was not a gift, it was living, your NYC living is not a gift it is living, your ability to be home the same – just more living. You will look back on this time of living as you look back on other times of your living – as having great power. Why not simply embrace that power right now. For each day’s power ceases as it ends. “Fuel up” on each day – not some other ceased time. And embrace the power of the seasons. They are not a clock – they are life itself.”

    ((hugs))

    1. Wow, this absolutely rocked my world. Thank you so much for this powerful comment and for sharing the murmur that you heard. They are not a clock- they are life itself. Hold. the. phone. WOW. I mean, what an incredible perspective. You’re so right – that murmur was so right — I have to fuel up on each day and fully embrace every second that I’m here in this season. Gosh, so much great stuff to mull over today. thanks for sharing 🙂 big hugs ox

  21. Yes, taking that time to just breathe in the beauty around you fills you up in more ways then one. This season is so enriching for you. So blessed to read it all. You are reminding and filling me up too!

    -JV

    1. Thank you so much JV, gosh, I am always so humbled and touched by your generous responses. Thank you for taking the time every week to read these crazy ramblings of mine! it really means a lot. you’re a great friend! hope you have an awesome weekend 🙂 hugs xox

      1. These ramblings are encouraging and well-constructed! I am uplifted by them. Thank-you for taking the time to write to us as you endure such a vivacious journey. It is so great also see you getting filled where you are currently, because you pour out so much “You can’t pour out from an empty cup.”One of my favorite quotes.

        Feel free to stop by my blog to hear more of my voice. Encouragement is my specialty.

        You’re incredible!!

        -JV

  22. Maybe, the distance and self reflection helped you when you were needed back at home. To assist without the bothers of the past, there. Although, now you can find a boyfriend and a fancy high stress job, maybe separately. Maybe together.

      1. Dr Debbie Hall at Ohio State is doing trials. It seems, for stroke patients and rehabilitation its in your area maybe it is worth a look.

  23. I love reading your posts … they’re so encouraging and challenging. I’ve been praying for you as you help your Mum, and for your Mum too as she recovers. Your presence will be helping more than you can ever imagine. God bless. x

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers, it means so so much. Yeah, I am really grateful for this time together with my family. I know i will look back someday and cherish this time…in fact, i already do 🙂 Thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

  24. Wow. Your writing is gorgeous. You’ve poignantly captured such deep emotions around the passing of time, and helped us reflect too on how seasons of “pouring out” can become seasons of filling-up. Praying that you’d continue to see God’s hand in everything, and continually trust in his timing and provision.

    1. Oh gosh, thank you so much. Yes! I love how you put that – the seasons of pouring out can become seasons of filling…now THAT’S hopeful! thanks for the prayers 🙂 big hugs xox

  25. Hi! I have posted some comments above but wanted to tell you that I am an Ohio Buckeye as well! I live in between Cleveland and Columbus not too far from where they filmed the movie Shawshank Redemption. The prison is on my way to town. Looking forward to following your BLOGS. I am Catholic also. HUGZ Just love reading your words. Thanks to all who inspire us through this blog. God bless.

    1. Aw, thank you so much for posting your replies this morning! that’s so kind of you 🙂 And yay Buckeyes! Thank you for your kind words and wonderful thoughts this morning. big hugs xox

  26. It goes without saying that you have a lot to offer. God is using you in a way that you probably never imagined. But His ways and thoughts are higher than ours which means in the end you’ll receive a crown of glory you never imagined. God’s continued blessings will abound in your life. As they say…”wait for it.” Blessings to you this day.

    1. Thanks Russ. I really appreciate that. I pray that God use me. That is what I pray for every night 🙂 thank you for this wonderful encouragement. Yes. Wait for it! Hugs to you xox

  27. Caralyn…this piece is wonderful…the days in the wilderness are never lost…when you think you are all alone, later you know those days were the days GOD was overflowing on you….(pardon my expression, can’t find a better way to say it!)

  28. ..and like i wrote about you in a different article of yours: the ability to postpone, due to the care for another, your dreams and passions is one of the best features about any human being. why? no greater love has a man than to lay down his life for another! and your skills as a nanny came in handy, didn’t they? and this you do everyday. i pray you find your dreams multiplied….cause you just blessed many with your write up, myself included! and may you find your handsome, dashing “boaz, Brad pitt combo” right there under your nose in Ohio!!! God bless you real good. amen.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind word and encouragement! I was so touched by this. You’re right, they did come in handy!! Thanks for the prayers 🙂 haha yes! That would be best case scenario! Haha Hugs and love xox

    1. Aw Daniel. Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad that this resonated with you:) I hope you can feel the goodness that my spirit feels towards you:) hugs and lots of love xox

  29. Yes , 1000 times Yes! This is the kind of response I have been waiting for from you. What I mean by that is now I can see from your writing that you are gaining a much deeper relationship with God than you ever have in the concrete jungle that is to say New York and I for one welcome that simple and yet effective post. In fact I give 5/5 stars for the very elegant narrative that you so gracious typed out that would made Beverly Lewis’ Twitter feed green with envy and J.K. Rowling’s twitter feed would blue with sadness because well She didn’t support Mr, President Donald Trump… We DID! By The Way you know what else is funny, yesterday well you were writing about the passing of time, I was writing about the seasons.. Check it out…. Bring your friends too! https://nerdfornews.com/2017/03/03/two-seasons-of-faith-part-1-summertime-success/

  30. What a lovely post.. and has really given me some things to think about. I have never thought about the inherent “receptiveness” of me as a woman.. and how that relates to my own propensity to let other things come in and fill me entirely, sweeping away everything else in the process.. Also, how this relates to my own ideas of God. Really thought provoking stuff, thank you 🙂

  31. Beautiful post. Looking out windows and listening to conversations lead to some amazing discoveries. 🙂 I understand that chilling realization that time is passing, but what God showed you…how he is refilling you, that is very warming, and very encouraging. Also being home with family, that’s priceless.

  32. The phrase “passing the time” sounds boring, Caralyn. You’re making me feel, almost, sad. I needed a pick-me-up after my nightmare this morning. Oh, well, I haven’t written yet. That’ll probably do it.

  33. Hi BBB,

    Isn’t it cool to think God used event to bring to a place where other events would transpired? Don’t you wonder what you would have missed with family if you would have stayed put? God’s timing is pretty awessome. Keep enjoying the unexpected,

    Gary On Thu, Mar 2, 2017 at 3:59 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “It’s a breathtaking morning here. One of those > mornings that happen only when it’s right on the cusp of spring. Kind of > like winter’s last stand. 6am. And there’s this thick blanket of fog that > is covering the backyard, with only the faint shadow of the ” >

    1. Thanks so much Gary. You’re so right! God is giving me so many blessings during this time. I need to just open my eyes and stop focusing on myself and see the good work that He is doing. Thanks for the wonderful perspective. Hugs and love xox

  34. I love this!!! “Pouring-out-ness” is so real! I had a bit of a epiphany about my need to really sit back and take in all that God has for me RIGHT now and this just may be another sign that I have to focus and get clear about what I’m doing and where I am right now! Thank you for sharing!

    1. Aw thanks so much Ashley! I really appreciate that. You’re right- I think God is always gently nudging us in the right direction. He will always be using our situation for good. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  35. Woot! “Receptivity” – that’s the word I’ve been looking for.

    I’ll be bouncing around on the dance floor, just kind of frolicking. Then I come in the vicinity of a Lady (capital ‘L’) and just SLOW DOWN like I’ve plowed into honey. If the feeling persists, I end up standing still, really focusing on that beauty so that I can separate it from the chaos all around, and then I imagine it expanding.

    What I think the ladies find most shocking is that they’ve believed all their lives that romance was about qualifying a man to enter their bower – but here I am guarding their virtue as their hearts expand to embrace the world. It seems to generate both cognitive and emotional dissonance.

      1. “Food for thought”? My silly sense is tingling. Given the focus of your blog, there’s some kind of a contradictory mirror inversion cognitive dissonance going on!!

      2. OK, I’ll try to explain. Your writing is thoughts about not food. When I offer my thoughts, you often say that they are food. So are my thoughts a substitute FOR food? “Thoughts for food?” That’s totally ackbasswards!

  36. Oh – and what’s going on with your avatar photo? Are you re-branding or re-projecting or changing your image or…?

    I should change mine. It’s a little stuffy looking.

  37. I like your rawness in your blog. When I say raw, what I mean is, you seem to tell it the way it is. It’s what I try to do in my blog. I like ‘real’ people. I also like how your blog today almost is the opposite of mine (regarding if we need religion). Staying positive and looking at what we have is the most important thing we can do as humans. I like your style. Keep it up. Importantly, don’t lose hope and have faith in whatever you believe in. Have a nice day!!

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 that really means a lot. You’re right – gotta keep that hope and faith! That’s how we make it through. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  38. Thanks for reminding me to stop and enjoy the moment. I too live in Ohio, I look out my upstairs window to hills, sometimes fog and at times, bright stars and Venus rising. That window is a dynamic screen always tuned to as you put it, the “passage of time ” channel. God Bless

  39. Hi Caralyn. 🙂 You do a beautiful job of turning a phrase and giving us the opportunity to “feel” what you are going through. God is good. That is true. And His plan for you is to grow spiritually. Looks like you’ve done a great job keeping up with Him.

    I pray that your mom recovers by leaps and bounds. Maybe she just needs to turn the corner and she’ll be off like a butterfly. I’m happy that you are well with it all and that it is turing out to be a rich and rewarding experience for you.

    May you rest in His peace.

    1. Aw thank you so much Eric. That’s so kind of you to say. And I really appreciate your prayers for my mom and I. That really means a lot. I love to picture my mom as a butterfly:) there’s so much how there. Thanks. Hugs and love xox

  40. I am so in love with all your writings and your photos they inspire me. I spend years taking care of my mom and navigated life in a fast pace; shift work school kids Etc. But God used that experience to show me to live in every moment He gave me
    “Focusing on myself and thinking about the fast paced life I willing walked away from for this season, makes me overlook the fact that this time is actually a gift.”
    I especially love that in your blog & remember it’s only for a season. Prayers your way for your moms health

    1. oh my gosh that’s so kind of you to say! thanks for taking the time to read my articles this morning. that really means a lot. And thank you for sharing part of your story — It’s nice to hear an uplifting perspective from someone who has been there 🙂 Thanks for the prayers for my mom and i. You’re right – God is going to use this. big big hugs xox

  41. It’s awesome you can see the filling that accompanies (does not follow, happens simultaneously with) the emptying. It’s a HUGE life lesson. When we’re tempted to lick our wounds and send out invitations to our pity party – actually have you noticed that it’s the one kind of party that has no invitations? – THAT is the time to give out so the filling can happen. Because usually our gunk happens when we’ve plugged the outflow somehow. Taking selective inventories or focusing, even digging, for something negative to help us get hurt and angry.

    So you’re undoing that – making you a champion lady (sorry, but you are). Keep going, because you cannot outgive God. No one can.

    Be blessed, because you are a blessing!

    1. Aw, that is so kind of you to say. thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’re right – there is filling that accompanies the emptying. Yes!! thank you so much for the encouragement. God is good (and generous!) big hugs to you oxox

  42. You write:

    The fog has lifted now, both outside and in my heart. The sun has cut through, piercing the haze and bringing with it a spectacular day with crystal blue skies.

    So too, in my heart.
    _________________________________________________

    I can’t remember if I have written about the “Cracked Pot” metaphor to you.

    We are all made from clay (jars of clay) and we are all broken by the fall. We all have cracks. It is through these cracks that God’s light shines into us (cutting the fog and dissolving it). Once we are filled with God’s light, our cracks become portals whereby Gods light can shine out of us onto and into others.

    We are all broken but some people seal up the cracks with worldly things (drugs, lust, power, etc.). They do not let God’s light enter. They remain in the darkness and they have darkness in them.

    You have chosen life, chosen God, chosen the light, chosen to shine His light on others.

    Thank you.

  43. Good for you. There’s nothing you can learn with a closed mind and heart. So glad that your mind and heart is willing to listen as he speaks to you. God Bless you dear. I hope your mom is doing well and God Bless her also.

    1. Thanks Corrie. That’s such great advice. You’re right – an open heart is key to peace. Thanns for your kind words and prayers for my mom 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  44. What a healing presence you are for her!! Thankfully, there is so much more that can be done for stroke victims, than in years past, in terms of recovery and bringing back mobility. I pray that she is able to recover to whatever the best degree can be. I am glad you are there for her. God has blest your whole family with your presence at this time!! <3 You are such a beautiful light!! <3 xoxoxoxoxo

    1. Oh gosh Migueltio, thank you so much. You’re right, there is so much hope in this recovery process and we are seeing that every day. Thanks for your constant support and prayers! Hugs and love xox

  45. Always, right? I guess that’s why we are advised to always pause for a moment and not be impulsive. Life is too fast as it is and everything else is like 2-minute noodles so we need to consciously and deliberately step back, shake off the negativity and see from a different perspective. I’m not always successful but fortunately, we are always given a chance and more. Hang in there, Caralyn.
    Much love and hugs.

    1. Thanks Anne. Haha you made me chuckle: 2 minute noodles. But you’re so right – we need to slow down and appreciate the beautiful life we’ve been given. Hugs and love xox

      1. I’m glad I got a chuckle out of you. I can imagine how tough-going it is for you at the moment. Laughter always helps, too. ☺ God bless always. Much love 💖🤗

      2. They do say, laughter is the best medicine, and I’ve got to say…there’s a lotttt of truth in that! 🙂 hope you have a great afternoon! xoxo

  46. Continued prayers for you and your folks. The caregiving role is hard, very hard at times. But I am grateful for the ability to care for my mom, as difficult and frustrating as it has been at time over the past nearly four years. The Lord bless you! Jim

    1. Thanks Jim. That really means a lot. That’s so awesome that you’re giving your mother your time. What a gift. I will definitely keep her and you in my thoughts and prayers. big hugs to you xox

  47. So true sister, it’s so strange how we human beings are always going through the same trials, just in different settings. I love the perspective of this post, and the outlook of the bible study. I think everything is clearer in retrospect and that it why we don’t always realize what is a blessing and what is a curse as it’s happening. I think you’ll be really glad you had this time a few years from now, even more grateful than you already are learning to be in the moment. Gratitude grows with time for me.

    1. thanks for the encouragement. Gratitude grows with time – i love that 🙂 Thanks for your kind words and for bringing such positivity. You’re right, i think i’ll look back and cherish this time. in fact, i already do 🙂 hugs to you xox

  48. “…as it was in the beginning, is now and will be forever…amen.” There is great peace in knowing that God arrives for us, just as we are prepared to be with Him in the stillness of our hearts.

  49. Another wonderful post. I suggest you bookmark this post and refer back to it in case this time lasts longer than you expect. When my grandparents suddenly needed 24-hour care, I thought how it was a good thing I didn’t have a job, a wife or girlfriend, because it meant I was free to pick up and move so I could take care of them. But as time went on, I struggled with frustration as it seemed I was putting my life on hold, and when would it be my turn, God, to have the kind of life I dreamed of? Of course it wasn’t the life they dreamed of either, so I’d feel selfish. I really needed to be able to read something like this, everyday, to keep my perspective, so I thank you. That chapter of my life is over, but I know there are others who are in the same position as I was who will be encouraged by this.

    1. Hi David, thank you so much for sharing your powerful experience. It is so helpful to hear from someone who has “been there.”I’m sorry to hear that your grandparents need such assistance, but wow, what a gift you’ve given them. Thanks for the insight. hugs xox

  50. Beautiful. Just, beautiful. ❤️ As always, I am keeping you, your mom, and your family in my prayers and in my heart.

      1. It seems that I get to catch up on my blog-reading in batches these days. Your writing always is a source of encouragement and roundedness that I know I can return to, thought. Sending hugs right back to you!

      2. When I start seeing my to-do list grow and grow (and grow some more – it seems to be exponential), I start feeling overwhelmed and incapable of doing everything that I *need* to do… then I tell myself that God will give me the time I need to do what he wants me to do. Everything else is extra, usually just me over-functioning or trying to be perfect, and I can just let it go. I’m not sure if that’s really true, but it sure does help!

  51. Clearly, we all need to be going to your mom’s small group man 😂

    I love this perspective of sacrificing and pouring ourselves out so that God can fill us up with He has a particular season in our lives. I’m glad you were able to see it that way and walk away with more peace about the situation.

  52. I used to think of it as being poured out, then soon, or eventually, filled back up by Him.
    Now, I tend to see it as an overflow like one of those fountains that wells up and over the edge, being constantly full; constantly pouring over. His perfect, generous, provision of more than I need. His constant surplus of grace cascading forth.
    Blessings, L<

    1. Oh my gosh, Len, what a powerful image. I absolutely love that. Thank you for sharing that with me. That was exactly the comfort I needed to read this morning as I woke up at a groggy 6am 🙂 Hugs to you xox

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