The Passing of Time 

It’s a breathtaking morning here. One of those mornings that happen only when it’s right on the cusp of spring. Kind of like winter’s last stand.

6am. And there’s this thick blanket of fog that is covering the backyard, with only the faint shadow of the spindly tree branches cutting through. It’s as though the view from my window has an eerily romantic Instagram filter. A cardinal is perched on the statue outside, and its red coloring is muted, yet brilliant against the frost.

This dreamy scene reminds me that spring is on its way.

And as beautiful as it is, it pulls at the pit of my stomach.

It’s the passing of time. 

When I came home from NYC for Christmas, I was expecting to be home for 7 days, and then be back to ring in the New Year from Manhattan.

Then my mom’s stroke happened and a) thank you, Lord, that I was home! But b) my life and plans completely changed gears: I quit my nanny job in NYC and moved temporarily back home to be on call 24/7 for my mom and dad.

Which honestly, has been such a blessing to be able to do that. You know…I could have had a serious boyfriend back in NYC or a high-powered Wall Street job that would have prohibited me from being able to drop everything and come back to Ohio.

But looking out the window this morning, I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a pang of restless anxiety or just…fear, almost…at the changing of the seasons.

When I came home, it was the dead of winter. Now, we’re on the cusp of spring.

Time is passing, and things, for me, are unclear.

And I feel like such a boob even giving the time of day to these personal apprehensions. I mean, I look at my mom, and I know that everything I’m feeling, she feels to the “N’th degree.” It’s been almost 8 weeks since her stroke, and I know that she’s wanting to be back to her normal self, and it’s killing her that she still has a long way to go in the recovery process.

Seeing that, who am I to complain about my small potatoes?

200w

After this kind of somber start to the morning, I snapped my laptop closed and decided to make that best of today.

That morning, I accompanied my mother to her book club/bible study, and yet again, I’m walking away with a new perspective having heard some sage wisdom…straight from some sixty-year old ladies’ mouths.

We talked about how in life, we, as women, are receptive. By nature. We have a receptiveness about us…we empty ourselves for others so that we can be filled by God.

And to do that, we have to be open to His plan.

And sitting there, listening to those women chat, I couldn’t help but think about the situation I find myself in right this very minute.

Where I am right now, whether I realize it or not, communicates that I am open to His plan. I have emptied my life and what I thought was important and necessary –I’ve poured it out.

But today, and these past couple days, I’ve been so focused on the pouring-out-ness, that I’ve missed how much God is filling me up simultaneously:

I’ve gotten to be here for the birth and growing up of my niece. I’ve spent more time with my brothers and their wives than ever before, which is so awesome. And not to mention, just being with my mom and dad and having dance parties that could end me up on America’s Funniest Home Videos. Either that or America’s Most Wanted…

Focusing on myself and thinking about the fast paced life I willing walked away from for this season, makes me overlook the fact that this time is actually a gift.

A gift that keeps on giving, day in and day out. I just need to stop focusing on myself and see what God is actually doing.

The fog has lifted now, both outside and in my heart. The sun has cut through, piercing the haze and bringing with it a spectacular day with crystal blue skies.

So too, in my heart.


Once again, God has provided for me just what I needed to remember in that moment.


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243 thoughts on “The Passing of Time 

  1. Hi BBB,

    Isn’t it cool to think God used event to bring to a place where other events would transpired? Don’t you wonder what you would have missed with family if you would have stayed put? God’s timing is pretty awessome. Keep enjoying the unexpected,

    Gary On Thu, Mar 2, 2017 at 3:59 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “It’s a breathtaking morning here. One of those > mornings that happen only when it’s right on the cusp of spring. Kind of > like winter’s last stand. 6am. And there’s this thick blanket of fog that > is covering the backyard, with only the faint shadow of the ” >

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  2. I love this!!! “Pouring-out-ness” is so real! I had a bit of a epiphany about my need to really sit back and take in all that God has for me RIGHT now and this just may be another sign that I have to focus and get clear about what I’m doing and where I am right now! Thank you for sharing!

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  3. Woot! “Receptivity” – that’s the word I’ve been looking for.

    I’ll be bouncing around on the dance floor, just kind of frolicking. Then I come in the vicinity of a Lady (capital ‘L’) and just SLOW DOWN like I’ve plowed into honey. If the feeling persists, I end up standing still, really focusing on that beauty so that I can separate it from the chaos all around, and then I imagine it expanding.

    What I think the ladies find most shocking is that they’ve believed all their lives that romance was about qualifying a man to enter their bower – but here I am guarding their virtue as their hearts expand to embrace the world. It seems to generate both cognitive and emotional dissonance.

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  4. I like your rawness in your blog. When I say raw, what I mean is, you seem to tell it the way it is. It’s what I try to do in my blog. I like ‘real’ people. I also like how your blog today almost is the opposite of mine (regarding if we need religion). Staying positive and looking at what we have is the most important thing we can do as humans. I like your style. Keep it up. Importantly, don’t lose hope and have faith in whatever you believe in. Have a nice day!!

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  5. Thanks for reminding me to stop and enjoy the moment. I too live in Ohio, I look out my upstairs window to hills, sometimes fog and at times, bright stars and Venus rising. That window is a dynamic screen always tuned to as you put it, the “passage of time ” channel. God Bless

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  6. Hi Caralyn. 🙂 You do a beautiful job of turning a phrase and giving us the opportunity to “feel” what you are going through. God is good. That is true. And His plan for you is to grow spiritually. Looks like you’ve done a great job keeping up with Him.

    I pray that your mom recovers by leaps and bounds. Maybe she just needs to turn the corner and she’ll be off like a butterfly. I’m happy that you are well with it all and that it is turing out to be a rich and rewarding experience for you.

    May you rest in His peace.

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    • Aw thank you so much Eric. That’s so kind of you to say. And I really appreciate your prayers for my mom and I. That really means a lot. I love to picture my mom as a butterfly:) there’s so much how there. Thanks. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I am so in love with all your writings and your photos they inspire me. I spend years taking care of my mom and navigated life in a fast pace; shift work school kids Etc. But God used that experience to show me to live in every moment He gave me
    “Focusing on myself and thinking about the fast paced life I willing walked away from for this season, makes me overlook the fact that this time is actually a gift.”
    I especially love that in your blog & remember it’s only for a season. Prayers your way for your moms health

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    • oh my gosh that’s so kind of you to say! thanks for taking the time to read my articles this morning. that really means a lot. And thank you for sharing part of your story — It’s nice to hear an uplifting perspective from someone who has been there 🙂 Thanks for the prayers for my mom and i. You’re right – God is going to use this. big big hugs xox

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  8. It’s awesome you can see the filling that accompanies (does not follow, happens simultaneously with) the emptying. It’s a HUGE life lesson. When we’re tempted to lick our wounds and send out invitations to our pity party – actually have you noticed that it’s the one kind of party that has no invitations? – THAT is the time to give out so the filling can happen. Because usually our gunk happens when we’ve plugged the outflow somehow. Taking selective inventories or focusing, even digging, for something negative to help us get hurt and angry.

    So you’re undoing that – making you a champion lady (sorry, but you are). Keep going, because you cannot outgive God. No one can.

    Be blessed, because you are a blessing!

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    • Aw, that is so kind of you to say. thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’re right – there is filling that accompanies the emptying. Yes!! thank you so much for the encouragement. God is good (and generous!) big hugs to you oxox

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  9. You write:

    The fog has lifted now, both outside and in my heart. The sun has cut through, piercing the haze and bringing with it a spectacular day with crystal blue skies.

    So too, in my heart.
    _________________________________________________

    I can’t remember if I have written about the “Cracked Pot” metaphor to you.

    We are all made from clay (jars of clay) and we are all broken by the fall. We all have cracks. It is through these cracks that God’s light shines into us (cutting the fog and dissolving it). Once we are filled with God’s light, our cracks become portals whereby Gods light can shine out of us onto and into others.

    We are all broken but some people seal up the cracks with worldly things (drugs, lust, power, etc.). They do not let God’s light enter. They remain in the darkness and they have darkness in them.

    You have chosen life, chosen God, chosen the light, chosen to shine His light on others.

    Thank you.

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  10. Good for you. There’s nothing you can learn with a closed mind and heart. So glad that your mind and heart is willing to listen as he speaks to you. God Bless you dear. I hope your mom is doing well and God Bless her also.

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  11. What a healing presence you are for her!! Thankfully, there is so much more that can be done for stroke victims, than in years past, in terms of recovery and bringing back mobility. I pray that she is able to recover to whatever the best degree can be. I am glad you are there for her. God has blest your whole family with your presence at this time!! ❤ You are such a beautiful light!! ❤ xoxoxoxoxo

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  12. Always, right? I guess that’s why we are advised to always pause for a moment and not be impulsive. Life is too fast as it is and everything else is like 2-minute noodles so we need to consciously and deliberately step back, shake off the negativity and see from a different perspective. I’m not always successful but fortunately, we are always given a chance and more. Hang in there, Caralyn.
    Much love and hugs.

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  13. Continued prayers for you and your folks. The caregiving role is hard, very hard at times. But I am grateful for the ability to care for my mom, as difficult and frustrating as it has been at time over the past nearly four years. The Lord bless you! Jim

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  14. So true sister, it’s so strange how we human beings are always going through the same trials, just in different settings. I love the perspective of this post, and the outlook of the bible study. I think everything is clearer in retrospect and that it why we don’t always realize what is a blessing and what is a curse as it’s happening. I think you’ll be really glad you had this time a few years from now, even more grateful than you already are learning to be in the moment. Gratitude grows with time for me.

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    • thanks for the encouragement. Gratitude grows with time – i love that 🙂 Thanks for your kind words and for bringing such positivity. You’re right, i think i’ll look back and cherish this time. in fact, i already do 🙂 hugs to you xox

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  15. “…as it was in the beginning, is now and will be forever…amen.” There is great peace in knowing that God arrives for us, just as we are prepared to be with Him in the stillness of our hearts.

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  16. Another wonderful post. I suggest you bookmark this post and refer back to it in case this time lasts longer than you expect. When my grandparents suddenly needed 24-hour care, I thought how it was a good thing I didn’t have a job, a wife or girlfriend, because it meant I was free to pick up and move so I could take care of them. But as time went on, I struggled with frustration as it seemed I was putting my life on hold, and when would it be my turn, God, to have the kind of life I dreamed of? Of course it wasn’t the life they dreamed of either, so I’d feel selfish. I really needed to be able to read something like this, everyday, to keep my perspective, so I thank you. That chapter of my life is over, but I know there are others who are in the same position as I was who will be encouraged by this.

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    • Hi David, thank you so much for sharing your powerful experience. It is so helpful to hear from someone who has “been there.”I’m sorry to hear that your grandparents need such assistance, but wow, what a gift you’ve given them. Thanks for the insight. hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      • It seems that I get to catch up on my blog-reading in batches these days. Your writing always is a source of encouragement and roundedness that I know I can return to, thought. Sending hugs right back to you!

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      • When I start seeing my to-do list grow and grow (and grow some more – it seems to be exponential), I start feeling overwhelmed and incapable of doing everything that I *need* to do… then I tell myself that God will give me the time I need to do what he wants me to do. Everything else is extra, usually just me over-functioning or trying to be perfect, and I can just let it go. I’m not sure if that’s really true, but it sure does help!

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  17. Clearly, we all need to be going to your mom’s small group man 😂

    I love this perspective of sacrificing and pouring ourselves out so that God can fill us up with He has a particular season in our lives. I’m glad you were able to see it that way and walk away with more peace about the situation.

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  18. I used to think of it as being poured out, then soon, or eventually, filled back up by Him.
    Now, I tend to see it as an overflow like one of those fountains that wells up and over the edge, being constantly full; constantly pouring over. His perfect, generous, provision of more than I need. His constant surplus of grace cascading forth.
    Blessings, L<

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