Challenging Feminism

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Lately, it’s been really weird to be a woman.

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Not because of any fashion or makeup trends…although, I will say…I don’t quite understand the reemergence of the shoulder pad.

But because of all the recent hyper focus on…feminism.

The Women’s March, International Women’s Day, protests, walk outs, I mean, we get it already…

But to be honest, I am confused by the whole matter.

Women are not marginalized in the United States of America. 

What are they fighting for? Why all the anger?

Now listen, I know that this post is probably going to garner a lot of backlash, but you know what, that’s okay. I would love to hear thoughts on all sides of this issue. Truly. Every person is entitled to their own viewpoints, and I respect those feelings, even if they differ from mine. And of course, there is always room for improvement in removing some lingering issues, (representation in senior management, ensuring equal wages), but there is no attack on women.

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But again, I don’t know what women are fighting for.

Is it because we have access to health care?

Is it because 57% of enrolled college students are female?

I’ll repeat that….57% of college students are female.

Is it because women can hold any job they desire, up to and including the President of the United States?

Is it because women can wear anything, say anything, go out in public, drive a car, vote, go to school, worship freely, and have/adopt children here without the say or approval of a man?

I just don’t get it.

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Perhaps they’re marching for the end to rape. Okay. That’s truly a phenomenal cause, and I salute that.

But I honestly don’t think a march is going to change that. You know what might? A change in our culture. Maybe we need to reconsider the messages that we’re sending to young boys and men in society about how to treat a woman. Perhaps we shouldn’t be referring to women as “bitches and hoes” in our music and television. Perhaps we shouldn’t be objectifying or infantilizing grown women in our advertising. When we reduce a person to mere body parts or tools for pleasure, it’s no wonder that men feel they have the ability to take advantage. Perhaps we should challenge the multi-billion dollar porn industry. Perhaps we should be changing the narrative on that, and reclaim our dignity as women and prize our sexuality and virginity for what it is.

And women, we’re not off the hook either. Listen, I love a little black dress more than anything. Especially if it’s backless. But if we’re going to walk out of the house in lingerie-equivalent club wear, it’s asking for trouble. Of course men should be able to control themselves. “Asking for it” is never, ever, ever an excuse. But if we’re not respecting our own bodies, how can we expect anyone else to?

The biggest thing I have a problem with, is women who are marching for abortion rights.

It’s no secret, I am staunchly pro-life.

But here’s where the feminism argument just doesn’t hold up.

So much of feminism is tied up in the sexual revolution and the emergence of The Pill. The cry of feminism for women to have the sexual freedom that men “have” is the exact antithesis of what true feminism really is!

The very essence of being female is the ability to bear children. Bring life into the world. That is the one and only thing that is uniquely female. That is the aspect of being a woman that is what should be celebrated and cherished and protected. And, in the name of feminism, we’re fighting to squelch that? Fighting to suppress that exclusively female gift? That, in my opinion, is the exact opposite of feminism.

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“But we’re fighting for a woman’s right to control her own body.”

Okay, terrific. That’s important.

But here’s the thing. Abortion is different because it involves two bodies: the mother’s and the baby’s. Her decision is not just hers, but her child’s. How is ending another human life controlling her own body? That sounds to me like controlling someone else’s body.

You want to fight for the marginalized? How about you start with the smallest and most vulnerable of them all? – The child in the womb.

Frankly, I have been so disappointed to be a woman here recently. All the photos of women wearing red, and proclaiming that they’re boycotting work to show what it would be like to have a world without women.

Please. Give me a break. You have a job. A paycheck. A degree. Benefits. Clean drinking water. Health care. Equal opportunities.

This whole feminist movement thing, it just smells of domineering, desperate estrogen, if I’m being really honest.

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I am uniquely female. God made women as the crown of creation. We bring life into the world. We are relational. We are receptive. Feelers. Communicators. Soft. Delicate. Those things are who we are by nature.

Frankly, it is unnatural to try and dominate a man and emasculate him.

I think one of the most beautiful things we can do as women is to let a man be a man, and challenge him to rise to his highest form of masculinity: providing for his family, protecting, guarding, leading. That is what a man’s heart longs for: adventure. Rescuing. Providing.

Their inherent natures and our inherent natures are a complimentary pair. Perfectly in harmony.

Maybe if we call out men to be those types of upstanding men, and we their equal partners, complimenting each other’s traits, perhaps all the other things will work themselves out. Because a man called to true masculine greatness will respect a woman, her body, her mind, her talents, abilities, passions.

Because at the end of the day, feminism is not a bad thing. But its definition has been bastardized in recent times. Feminism is the revolution of femininity – in all its forms.

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We, as women, bring with us, our uniquely feminine traits – our feminine genius – into each and every role we take on, whether that be a teacher, a business exec, a mother, a nurse, the President, a professional athlete. Those uniquely feminine traits make us exceptional at those things, and should be celebrated.

A woman is a unique being: capable of all that a man can do, and more. We are the bearers of life. Why are we fighting that which makes us most powerful?

That’s feminism. That’s where we need to begin.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

701 thoughts on “Challenging Feminism”

  1. I totally understand where you are coming from and I agree. I have been to countries where women are not allowed the same rights as men, and if found in those countries “exercising” their sexual rights, they would be shamed and physically harmed. I honestly don’t understand the recent “hype”in the United States, but it is creating interesting dialogue. Thanks for writing this!

    Like

  3. Listen, I totally understand what you’re saying, yet I still disagree. According to today’s population, women are not as “important” as men are. We get payed less at work, we’re “low-class” (even more so if you’re a black women, which is also wrong), and we just aren’t treated the same as men. And now that Trump is president, we get even less rights. I’m not saying your opinion is wrong, I’m just stating my own.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you Mary, for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate you joining the conversation. I definitely respect your opinion. That’s one of the reasons I wrote this, was because I sincerely appreciate hearing where other people are coming from, and their perspectives and experiences. There is definitely room for improvement in our society, that’s for sure. thanks for stopping by. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi to both! I’m agreeing with Marie Louise on this issue. Don’t get me wrong, I get where you’re coming from. I have also had my doubts about the whole women’s march movement. And you’re right, in a lot of societies, women have already accomplished so much! But the fact that women don’t get equal pay for equal work just doesn’t make sense to me. And, like you said, the fact the we’re called ‘bitches and hoes’ in songs doesn’t help. You’re asking for a change in our culture and I strongly believe cultures can only be changed when people talk about what’s wrong in their culture. You’re opening a dialogue by posting this blog, for which I salute you. You say you doubt how women’s marches can change culture. The fact that because of these marches you’re actively thinking about feminism (and probably also discussing feminism with friends) shows that these marches have at least opened an interesting dialogue 🙂

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      2. Thanks Charlotte! I really appreciate you joining the dialogue! You’re right- the March has definitely started conversations and has brought the cause to the forefront! And Yes! We’ve gotta work on improving those song lyrics 🙂 thanks for stoppingby! Hugs and love xox

        Liked by 1 person

    2. A couple of points regarding the comment by Mary Louise:

      1. Basic economics dictates that businesses aim to reduce overhead, so if one qualified employee is less expensive to hire than another with the same skill set, a business will hire the less costly employee, and it has nothing to do with gender. If it did, companies would avoid hiring men, and that’s not the case.

      2. On average, female CEOs of major corporations are paid more than their male counterparts.

      3. To treat a woman like a man (or a man like a woman) would be both absurd and insulting. Men and women may be treated as equals, but they are not the same.

      4. No U.S. Citizen has lost rights due to Donald Trump’s inauguration.

      Not sure where Ms. Mary Louise gets her information, but it appears she’s been misled, and that’s a shame given her young age.

      Carry on.

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  4. Very well written! I really enjoyed reading this piece. I am saddened that women want so desperately to be considered on the same pedestal as men when we have so many beautiful, unique, and important qualities to offer society through our femininity. However, I think this is a problem with society as a whole, men and women. In the long run, this whole movement is going to come back and bite women in the butt. Women cry for equal pay, equal opportunity, equal treatment, but then want special consideration and understanding for things like maternity leave. I’ve even read articles where women cry out for special treatment and consideration in the work place for PMS issues. I have friends that fight and toil to move up the corporate ladder only to complain that they don’t have enough time with their children when they decide to start a family. The reality is that we are not equal, we are created differently, and we can not have everything; we can not enjoy the best of both worlds.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What an awesome perspective. Thank you so much for sharing it. I think you’re right- we all have uniquely specific and incredible traits that make us who we are. I think it all boils down to respect 🙂 thanks again for joining the dialogue. Lots of great food for thought. Hugs and love xox

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  6. Why do you constantly preach to my soul girl?! I thought I was a horrible person for not supporting that women’s march. Like you, I was uber confused about what we were fighting for and what was in jeopardy. Honestly, all this woman stuff had become a huge eye roll for me. I think people need to feel like they are making a difference, so they are just grasping on to anything that makes them feel rebellious. Our culture has a horrible history and habit of trying to resolve issues by addressing surface level problems. We, as a country need to dig a lot deeper to figure out how we arrived at the spot we are in. We are in a culture of having our cake and eating it too. We want it all and for it to be justifiable. One of my biggest issues with many of today’s feminists is the idea that in order to prove ourselves equal to men, we must become them. Dismissing everything that makes us women as weaknesses. It’s, as you said, anti-feminist. One day we want to be praised for the ability to carry a child, the next, we are demanding the same respect for ending that life. It’s all so convoluted and I think it’s time that we pause and reflect. I could go on and on, but thank you for this post. At least, I know I’m not alone in my sentiments! As always, thanks for this post!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahaha oh Celestial:) thank you so much! I’m so glad this struck a chord with you! Yeah from the portrayal of the events in the media, you’d think we were the only women not in attendance! Haha but you’re right, lots of contractions and confusion if you as me:) thanks for stopping by! Big big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is an outstanding but a minority post. Your questions and perspective are extremely perceptive and balanced, but in the same way as many of my own posts on the subject likely to be howled down. I really really do NOT understand feminism today but maybe that’s because I am male, white, English and 70 years old. But …. my wife is female (!) Asian, also 70, and she doesn’t understand it either. Here’s a fantasy scenario: Women (feminists?) take to the streets to protest about rape globally, female subjugation in Islam, girl trafficking in India, etc etc. Guess what? The whole world supports you. But ….. a march against Trump, against Brexit, ….. don’t make me laugh! You demean the whole of humanity when you pretend to speak for all women too.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Dr. B for joining the conversation and sharing your perspective! Yeah, I wish the media wouldn’t make it seem like they’re speaking for all women. Because a lot of women don’t feel that way! And it’s just the mob mentality they’re trying to push. Thanks for your great insight. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s a silly thing to say I suppose, you have had such fantastic comments, but in an abortion situation, there are THREE people involved to my mind. The mother, the baby and the father – the father is the one who often is not consulted. In sleeping with a man, the woman needs to realise she is accepting his genetic material if there is a pregnancy. Even if it’s all accidental, and she doesn’t want the baby, morally, you can’t just brush the father off. She WAS part of the contract in the act of sex. To my mind – sex now, is simply copulation, as unimportant as blowing your nose or having a cup of tea. THAT’s the problem. But the hormones we release during sex, the possibility of creating a child, the seriousness of exposing yourself so intimately in an action with another human in a “conversation” is more profound than words. Sex is just sex, now, and like a cup of tea, if you don’t like the dregs left in the cup, just chuck them out! Or get rid of the snotty tissue!

    I really liked your post – thank you for having the courage to write it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, I am just nodding my head right along with you! Yeah, I think you’re right – sex is just so not-a-big-deal now adays. Especially with online dating. And especccccccially in NYC. I mean, it’s crazy, you meet a guy at a bar, and after talking for 30 minutes they’re trying to get you to go home with them. It’s crazy. I agree, sex means something. Especially for women, there is an emotional aspect to it. your metaphor with the tea was really powerful. any who. thanks so much for this awesome comment. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was going to make the comment, that if you truly look at it (regarding abortion) women actually have more “rights” than men. If a woman chooses to have an abortion- that is considered her right… if a man decides he doesn’t want to be a father, then he is a “dead beat” and is forced to pay child support. Why do women get to choose whether they want a child or not, but men have no say? So.. how do women have less rights than men? I agree with you and I also do not understand these women’s rights marches and protests. I agree that its our culture that needs to change. The heart of America is not where it should be. No one wants to be held accountable for their actions anymore. No one wants to take responsibility for their actions and consequences. But, I always have to remember, that God is always in control even when I don’t understand. His ways are not our ways, and his thoughts are not our thoughts. Thank you for this post, I think you have said what some people are feeling/thinking but are afraid to say!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection. THere is a lot of great food for thought here. You’re so right: God *is* in control, and I have to trust that. Our country has a long way to go in a lot of different areas – respect for one another and spreading love being one in particular. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your heart. big hugs x

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I learned a lot about the feminist movement in the 1970s.

      I learned that to say, “Yes, Ma’am,” was a slur.

      I learned that I would be cussed out if I offered a woman my seat on the bus.

      I learned that I would be called a “Chauvinist Pig” if I held a door open for a woman to enter a building ahead of myself.

      I learned that I would be spat upon if I held my umbrella over a woman’s head during a rain.

      I learned that if I was physically attacked by a woman and didn’t fight back, I was a pussy.

      I also learned that the feminist movement has nothing to do with feminism and equality.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Women need to be treated with respect! Women are a gift to this world not to be wasted, abused, enslaved, mistreated, or mishandled in any way! Men and boys need to know that women are to be treated as humans and not cast off property or things! You are a gift among all women and a delight to this world in all ways!! Love and hugs!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen to that! It all comes down to respect. Men to women and women to men. I love that – you’re right – not mishandled in any way. Amen! Hope you’re having a great night. Thanks for reading my stuff this evening!

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  12. Feminism today has become another “ism” and has become another din echoing the malaise of our world. Today’s feminism mixes a cauldron full of different voices often in opposition to the grass roots ideals of woman’s rights. Feminism today reflects the confusion created by gender, body, ethnic and self politics- the mix creates many voices as oppose to one. Often these voices are in conflict and reflects the fractures from a diverse world where causes become incidental to lived experience. On the one hand, there is a strong voice against rape and the brutality of women echoing the voice of real victims, to ethnic and religious politics, lead by a medley of female leaders one whose support of Sharia law is in opposition to the very premise of the suppression and subjugation of women that takes place around our globe. Contradiction!!

    There is also hate and race politics thrown into the mix, and this has stirred the most rancid voice in feminism.

    All together they create a shroud of white noise around feminism so that it’s become a free for all kind of definition without grounding.

    12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

    1 Corinthians 13:12 | NIV

    Liked by 2 people

    1. that’s a powerful verse, thank you for sharing. and i really appreciate you joining the conversation on this one! You’re right, there are so many different issues in the mix, that it really has become white noise. that’s a great way to put it. complex issues all the way around. thanks for stopping by! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  13. WOW! The tears of hope and wonder are copiously flowing from my lachrymal. The description of a true woman you have exposed in this post is exactly as the Creator meant it to be. None of us can achieve such status without suffering. Much to be said on the matter. It all boils down to the Father/Creator of our beings. In time, we must all arrive at King Solomon’s conclusion.

    Perhaps a reminder to my own self on what to do? No need to wonder. No need in trying to figure out what comes next. No need to study and rack my brains to learn what I don’t need to learn. It is written,

    Ecclesiastes 12:11-14
    The words of the wise are like prodding goads, and firmly fixed [in the mind] like nails are the collected sayings which are given [as proceeding] from one Shepherd. But about going further [than the words given by one Shepherd], my son, be warned. Of making many books there is no end [so do not believe everything you read], and much study is a weariness of the flesh. All has been heard; the end of the matter is:
    1. Fear God [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is].
    2. Keep His commandments
    • For this is the whole of man [the full, original purpose of his creation
    • The object of God’s providence.
    • The root of character
    • The foundation of all happiness
    • The adjustment to all inharmonious circumstances and conditions under the sun and the whole duty for every man
    For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it is good or evil.

    O my sister, what a blessing you are. I sincerely hope to establish a relationship with you. I know in my heart this is our Father’s time to join us all one by one. Hope you sense the same thing. Much love, thiaBasilia. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gosh, I am so touched by this beautiful reflection. thank you so much, thiaBasilia. That is so so true: the end matter: to fear God and keep His commandments. amen to that! i think if we all were to wake up every day and remember that, the world would be a better place 🙂 hugs to you xox

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  15. Excellent post! It’s interesting that the rad-fems tend too ignore the plight of women elsewhere in paces where they are truly marginalized — like the Middle East, for example. Very well done!

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  17. Some interesting thoughts! I agree that the feminist movements going on now seem to have gone a little wacky. I’ve been shut down from questioning things because I am a white male. That’s not a very equality-minded thing to do. I have also looked into the “Gender Pay Gap” and have found it to be quite the misleading statistic.

    On the topic of abortion, I am in favour of a harm-reduction approach. There are cases where abortion should be considered, and there are cases where abortion should not be considered. There is also a large gray area where many factors are involved. It’s a very complex issue, and it disappoints me that it is often simplified into “pro-life” and “pro-choice”.

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  18. Much love to you for spreading truth.

    If feminism truly had women’s best interest at heart it would celebrate motherhood. A God-like power that only wom(b)en have. Instead they champion abortion.

    when women stay married, they are healthier, live longer, and wealthier. Instead, feminism champions single moms and pushes policy that encourages and celebrates divorce.

    Such cognitive dissonance is there in all of these types of causes that aim to profit from people’s grievances. Feminism divides the sexes, destroys the family and is only a boon to the political classes that conquer through division. Feminism has turned into a cancer. Avoid it like the plague.

    keep spreading truth!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I do. But more importantly, I know what it has become. I can use statistical disparities to prove men are suffering greatly but yet feminists care not about suicide rates, imprisonment, college entries, disposability through wars. No they don’t, because see, feminism is now not about equality but about female augmentation, no matter the cost, and no matter the expense to others.

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      3. call yourself a humanist or egalitarian instead. Or human rights activist. last I checked women were human too.

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      4. furthermore, I believe feminism as it stands is ultimately harmful to women. as it takes all the attributes we criticize in men and applaud women that do these also (aggressiveness, lack of empathy, lack of being a mother, lack of community, pushes them toward a corporate mindset) it has indeed become a cancer to society.

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      1. Kamal, you are the one who is misunderstanding the term. Why should I have to use a different term, that has some differences in meaning, just because YOU have a more narrow definition of feminism then I and most other feminists do? How about learning more about the history and different perspectives within, and types of, feminism, like I did, before asking others to use a different term because you don’t understand the full meaning of feminism?

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  19. I understand where you are coming from, though. I was hesitant for a long time to call myself feminist, because of the radical feminists. What turned me was listening to a professor who went through a similar struggle. As a black woman, she wanted, and still wants, to see the men of black families be empowered so that they can better provide for their families, and she thought that being feminist meant that she wanted to push men down. She came to realize that this wasn’t what feminism was about. It is about empowering everyone, men and women, or other genders, to live to their full potential. Sure, there are plenty of more radical feminist positions, but they are only a small part of feminism. There isn’t one feminism – that’s part of the idea of feminism, is that there should be a plurality of ideas and viewpoints.

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  20. Well put! This I know for sure: Being born female, joy comes with being feminine. At least that’s true for me. My heart goes out to females who want to be masculine. But, you’re right … a lot of the debate is caught up in semantics. What does “being feminine” mean? It isn’t “weak and submissive” in my mind. I admire strong, capable, determined, successful, compassionate, sensitive and bold women. When i applied for my third or fourth teaching job back in the 60s, the superintendent asked, “Why do you want to work? You have a husband. Stay home and start your family and help uour spouse.” We’ve come a long ways in 60 years. That kind of comment is illegal and unconscionable today. I answered, “Why choose when i can do both?” And i did. The Feminist Movement pushed the glass ceiling. Many of us knocked hard on it. But, we still don’t have equal pay for equal work in all areas. People like Donald Trump can say and do to women the dispicable things he did and still get elected. There’s more work to be done. The bottom line is love and respect for all people. Why can’t we just love ourselves as God made us and respect one another?

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    1. Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection, Jan. I think you’re right — it all comes down to respect. yes, there is still work to be done, but we also have a lot to be thankful for. thanks for stopping by and joining the dialogue! big hugs xo

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  24. HI BBB,

    Yes, yep, uh-huh. Man and women are meant to live in harmony, in a perfect world. That is what Christ did for us and put things back on track. You are right sometimes people are fighting just to fight. If you ask me, we know there is a spiritual battle here. Have you noticed that all the issues that have been better have all been flaring up (racial issues, sexual equality, etc.) in these times? Someone is trying to weaken the US so art can be easily taken over. We know what the Bible says about the end times, however, as Christians we keep alive what represents our eternal hope at all times.

    Thank you, Gary

    On Mon, Mar 20, 2017 at 3:59 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Lately, it’s been really weird to be a woman. > Not because of any fashion or makeup trends…although, I will say…I don’t > quite understand the reemergence of the shoulder pad. But because of all > the recent hyper focus on…feminism. The Women’s March, Int” >

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    1. Thanks so much Gary! Yes! harmony! I totally agree. I bet if we focused on Christ and His #1 commandment to love one another — things might work themselves out. thanks for the powerful perspective. hugs oxox

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      1. Besides some of the imagery, the post made me think about “providing.” An interesting topic. Take care

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      5. A presence, in love. A preparedness to be, present.
        That’s a good start 🙂
        What comes next is perhaps hard to know

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  27. I enjoy most of your writing quite a bit. But I do disagree with certain points in the post.
    If it’s challenging feminism in America, maybe your right, Im not an expert on gauging this since I’m not from there.

    But speaking from India, I think you should look at how feminism has impacted or motivated women across the world, women who are marginalised and look at America sometimes as an ideal.

    When you talk about the invention of the pill. It has liberated so many women here, there is so much stigma attached to premarital sex in India and societal pressure to have as many children as possible. Contraception has really changed people’s perspectives even if it’s a slow process.

    And the attitude towards clothes asking for trouble. I think most western women don’t face the fear other countries do in walking on the street in a pair of shorts. When I was in school, a teacher told a group of us that we should try to buy bulky clothes, the looser the better in order to hide our figures and not attract attention. Keep in mind that India is one of the hottest places in the world and yet about 93% of the female population do not feel comfortable about walking outside in shorts or shirts without sleeves. Moreover 87% of sexual assaults occured to women who were ‘fully covered’. It’s no longer about what we wear, or if it’s asking for trouble. Sexual violence does not stem from attraction or lust, it has its basis mostly in dominance or control.

    The thing is, as ludicrous as feminism may seem to you when women already have so many opportunities. You have to keep in mind that it’s actually a rarity not a norm.

    And coming from a country where all we’re taught to do is massage male egos and uphold the ‘masculinity’ of men, the post was a little hard to swallow.

    I hope you don’t take offence to the things i said, I just wanted to bring in a different viewpoint.

    The west has been influential in women’s rights. It’s a okay to challenge feminism, but not if it doesn’t take into account the positive impact on other places in the world.

    I hope you read up on a few articles on feminism from women across the world, although i did find your perspective interesting 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much for sharing this powerful perspective and for joining the dialogue. I truly appreciate hearing and learning from your experience. Gosh, that sounds really tough, and it makes me very grateful for the way things are here in the United States. It sounds like there is such a beautiful inner strength glowing inside of you. it is really inspiring. I will definitely do a little more digging and broaden my horizon, because you’re right – lots to be thankful for. Big hugs to you xo

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Hey,
    I love this post and how you expressed your views.. I agree with almost every thing/
    But I don’t think wearing a black little dress is equivalent to disrespecting ourselves or our body.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for joining the dialogue! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Yeah, I don’t think it’s disrespecting our bodies, you should see my closet — LBD’s for days! haha I guess I didn’t really explain that well — I guess, what I mean is that, if we feel that we have to dress “cheaply” — like Christina Aguilera in her “Dirty” video, or like a hooker in order to have worth. Does that make sense? Maybe I’m just digging the hole deeper. i don’t know. but yeah, bottom line, is that a LBD doesn’t mean you’re disrespecting yourself…thanks for letting me clear that up (or at least try to and fail miserably! haha) big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay, okay.. I did not grasp the concept fully. Thank you for clearing it up. I got it now.. I completely agree with your point now.
        Sory for misuderstanding *sheepish grin*
        Hugs and love.
        xoxo.

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  31. Preach! It’s been bugging me too just how “feminism” has become an excuse to be hateful and domineering. It goes against who we are as women. Thank you for putting in words what’s been in my mind.

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  32. Might it be possible that the March for women was a response of solidarity in the face of a presidency where grabbing women by the pussy is somehow acceptable? Abortion rights aren’t the main point here. Respect and dignity are. The double standard that still exists in behavior and in salaries, just to name the top two, are reasons enough to worry about women’s status in the US.

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  33. Hi! I really enjoyed your piece on feminism. Challenging the contemporary feminist movement is super important considering how polarising the topic can be (and how aggressive people can get!). But when I read your piece, there are some real contradictions in what you are saying. For one thing, you talk about how “women are not marginalized in the United States” and then you go on to talk about feminist issues like the high prevalence of sexual assault against women, objectification in the media, a lack of female empowerment in advertising, etc. The movement you are criticizing is attempting to bring recognition to these “lingering issues” that are discriminatory and marginalizing for women. While marching and protesting does not solve the problem itself, it is attempting to bring recognition to issues so that people make an effort to change culture. For another thing, there is a contradiction in how you describe what is inherently female. You seem to rely on traditional female roles as what is not only normal but also biologically inherent, and you seem to say that it is unnatural for women to challenge that traditional gender role. But you also say that “Feminism is the revolution of femininity – in all its forms” which suggests that femininity is multi-faceted and complex and contains a lot of diversity. You also say that women’s main role is child-bearing, but that doesn’t quite add up with lived experience – what about women you are attracted to other women? What about infertile women or women who don’t want children? what about women who are transitioning from a masculine body or women who have both testicles and ovaries? I guess what I am saying is that women around the world will define their femininity in so many different ways and may resist having their gender defined solely by their uterus (or lack thereof). If being a woman has many forms, then are we really able to say that women are essentially mothers and nothing more, while also saying that we are capable of everything a man is? Are men naturally the leaders in relationships (and then doesn’t that give them more power and an unequal status to women?) I have really rambled on here, but my main question to you is: what is a woman and how do we define what is feminine? Looking forward to hearing from you 🙂

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  34. What a thought-provoking post. Thank you for your courage to speak your mind & convictions. So often we’re afraid to be ‘labelled’ & sidelined to one side or the other. Feminism & women’s rights are not about ‘sides,’ but about women as human beings (& doings.) I agree with many of your commenters who are from places where women don’t have equal rights (or very little rights at all.) Having worked with women’s projects in the Middle East, Africa & parts of Asia, I have seen what it’s like for women with limited recourse to survive — & thrive — with the support of their communities advocating change. That most often takes women and MEN, especially men who control the power, to raise the status of women. As an American, I realize we have many, many challenges that require attention and action for women (you mentioned exploitation, violence like rape, there’s human trafficking, equal educational opportunities for marginalized girls et all) but we have so many advantages thanks to women (& the men who supported them) who fought and forged the path for our rights. It’s so interesting that many of the early suffragettes were also anti-abortion, because life is a gift. All life!

    Blessings to you!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Virginia, for offering this great perspective and for joining the conversation. Yeah, there are a lot of places around the world where women can’t enjoy the freedoms that we have here in the states. We have so much to be grateful for. There’s obviously room for improvement, but we have so many advantages and blessings that you mentioned. thanks for sharing this! big hugs x

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  35. Hi there, I popped by from my witching blog, stumbled across this and throught I would try to add my two cents. (Disclaimer: I am a passionate, caffeine-fueled feminist. Short hair, cats and all.)

    “Is it because we have access to health care?”
    – There is plenty of research suggesting that women’s pain is taken less seriously than men’s, that they receive less prescription drugs and less sick days for the same conditions. So, access to health care – yes; adequate medical treatment – dubious.

    “Is it because 57% of enrolled college students are female?”
    – I think it is slightly weird that, although the majority of college students is female, the majority of jobs for which a college degree is a prerequisite still goes to men, even with enough female candidates in the field (talking of management etc.).

    “Is it because women can hold any job they desire, up to and including the President of the United States?”
    – Yeah, we’ve seen how that worked out. A majority of US Americans choose an orange baboon over a female. (Fun fact: One party in Germany, before Ms. Merkel was elected, opted to have a female President (“Bundespräsident”, a slightly more symbolic function than POTUS) because they thought it would increase their chances of winning the chancellor position … surely no one would want a female president AND a femalce chancellor at the same time? (Having two males occupy that position has not been a problem so far.)

    “Is it because women can wear anything, say anything, go out in public, drive a car, vote, go to school, worship freely, and have/adopt children here without the say or approval of a man?”
    – Once again, research suggests that a woman’s opinion, for example, will be taken less seriously by general public (even by other women, which I find weird). We are encouraged to sugarcoat our opinions, make our (public or professioanl) statements “less threatening”, only go out in groups, are the butt of so many driving jokes (even although statistics show that women are involved in far less traffic accidents than men). Education and religious freedom are basic human rights – I don’t even know why they have to be mentioned as things women had to “gain”, and try adopting a child when you are not a married woman (even raising children is more difficult for women, because they are expected to pause or abandon their careers, take the majority of child-related appointments and even in relationships considered “equal” bear more than 60 % of the home-related tasks).

    “But I honestly don’t think a march is going to change that. You know what might? A change in our culture.”
    – Yes, and this is what many feminist efforts are about: Raising awareness, changing the public perception and educating men and women on the underlying issues.

    “But if we’re going to walk out of the house in lingerie-equivalent club wear, it’s asking for trouble. Of course men should be able to control themselves. “Asking for it” is never, ever, ever an excuse. But if we’re not respecting our own bodies, how can we expect anyone else to?”
    – I can respect my body in sweatpants, in office clothes, and completely naked. Somehow your idea seams to be tied up with the fact that nudity is somehow disrespecting or something to be ashamed of. A colleague (at an Arab-dominated office, to be honest) regularly gets in trouble for showing her ARMS. Not because women should not show her arms, but because her arms are considered to be sexy (because of her skin color or something). She was told to cover up, and when she complained about harassment she was told to take it as a compliment.
    Simultaneously, so many men complain if women do not dress in a revealing way, and simultaneously cat-call (or worse) women in short skirts.
    Why not let everyone dress the way they want, without teaching them that beauty is their main value, and letting everybody enjoy themselves?
    I’ll go out tonight with my friends for drinks, I’ll walk home alone, wearing a short dress, and I fully expect to be left alone. And since I know from experience that this will not necessarily be the case, I am prepared to raise hell.

    “The very essence of being female is the ability to bear children.”
    – What about women who are physically unable to bear children? Or those after menopause? Do they get a “guy badge” and permission to grow a beard? Or what about women, like me, who choose not to have children because they have other plans in life? The ability to become pregnant is just one of many physical facts where we differ from men. Also we do have different skull shapes, less body hair and less phyical strength as guys. I do not see anyone marching in favor of (or against) women becoming professional bodybuilders.

    “And, in the name of feminism, we’re fighting to squelch that? Fighting to suppress that exclusively female gift? That, in my opinion, is the exact opposite of feminism.”
    – You’ve probably guessed it, I am pro-choice. I love children (even if I do not plan to have any), and if I happened to become pregnant, I would probably still keep the baby. But I want every woman to have this choice – to decide for herself whether she is strong enough, resilient enough, financially stable enough to take care of a child, with or without a partner. People who want to reduce abortion numbers (which are pretty rediculously low in most industrialized countries) might want to improve the situation of pregnant women and mothers: Improve healthcare, improve daycare availability, make good schools cheaper, improve maternity leave, support the rights of mothers to have a family AND a career, … – instead of making it illegal (and hence more dangerous) to have an abortion. And think of those women who want a baby, but have to have an abortion for medical reasons. They are going through incredibly tough times and in addition to that have to face accusations instead of getting much-needed support.

    “Abortion is different because it involves two bodies: the mother’s and the baby’s. Her decision is not just hers, but her child’s. How is ending another human life controlling her own body? That sounds to me like controlling someone else’s body.”
    – Here you have a point, kind of. Of course both lives are involved. But while you say a mother should not have the power to end her unborn child’s life, I say it should not be possible to force a woman to have a child against her will – one that she will possibly resent, or give up for adoption (and the gods know where the child will end up), or maybe even kill after it is born. These things happen.

    “I am uniquely female. God made women as the crown of creation. We bring life into the world. We are relational. We are receptive. Feelers. Communicators. Soft. Delicate. Those things are who we are by nature.”
    – I politely disagree. I am neither soft nor delicate – okay, my middle is a bit squishy, but apart from that I was raised to be strong and independent and, if you ask my partner, slightly terrifying. Forcing women into a stereotype mould will not make the world a better place. Encouraging everyone to be the best, most empathic version of themselves might.

    “I think one of the most beautiful things we can do as women is to let a man be a man, and challenge him to rise to his highest form of masculinity: providing for his family, protecting, guarding, leading. That is what a man’s heart longs for: adventure. Rescuing. Providing.”
    – To me, men can be men till the cows come home. As long as they don’t interfere with my freedom and don’t get in my way, that is. And I want all the adventures I can get, even without a penis.

    “Their inherent natures and our inherent natures are a complimentary pair. Perfectly in harmony.”
    – There is no scientific evidence to suggest that life could ever be this easy. Fortunately humans are much more diverse, complex and wonderful than this black-and-white approach.

    “A woman is a unique being: capable of all that a man can do, and more. We are the bearers of life. Why are we fighting that which makes us most powerful?”
    – In my experience, feminists don’t aspire to be like men, or the same as men. The feminists I know (and I know there are a few black sheep that ruinthe fun for the rest of us) are fighting for truly equal rights (including those areas where men are at a disadvantage, like child custody after a divorce) and perfect personal freedom in a humanist society. We are fighting for a society where men and women can work as equals, bringing their unique personalities to the table, to solve problems that are greter than petty sexist quarrels. We are fighting for a world where it is not socially acceptable to deny people opportunities or rights based on their gender or appearance.

    As you see, there are many different viewpoints to this issue. And personally, for many years I thought like you, because all I saw were the black sheep feminists like Alice Schwarzer (a terrible person, if you ask me, and definitely not a role model). Of course this was partly because my parents raised me and my sisters to think we could be and do everything we wanted, including changing car tires, butcher cows or ride motorbikes – all while wearing pretty dresses. My father worked full-time, as did my mother, and they both shared household tasks as equally as possible. Until I started my first job as a janitor assistant at a student dormitory, I did not even think my talents might be doubted based on my gender – and then my competence in working with Arab students was challenged because “you are a girl”. If educated, middle-class old white men think like that, how are we supposed to sit back and accept this? (I did the job in question, without support, and I rocked.)

    Uhm, enough rambling. I need to get back to my day-to-day feminist rants. ^^

    Liked by 2 people

    2. Thank you for sharing your passionate views. I appreciate you joining the dialogue and sharing your beliefs. I respect your positions, and want to say: I hear you 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to reply! hugs xx

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  37. Well said. I think that we should be moving towards “respect for the person”. This includes men and babies in utero and old people. For example, Although female genital mutilation is rightly thought as a painful, dangerous thing that has serious long term consequences, there is not the same respect paid to the foreskin of baby boys. Many men would like to play a larger part in bringing up their children but are perceived as sissies if they do so.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s a good point. Many of my (feminist) friends support organizations such as “Intact America”, a non-profit fighting standard male circumcision – a great cause worth sharing and fighting for.

        Aaaand it stands to debate that modern feminism would also help men assume more diverse roles – despite feminists often being portrayed as “man-hating, ugly, ranting old hags”, we often make great partners, if I say so myself (you would have to ask my partner of ten years for confirmation) and are prepared to shoulder our share of the world in order to find arrangements that work for everyone. My sister’s husband has taken a year off from work, for example (Germany offers up to 14 months of paid parental leave to be shared among the parents), to care for their youngest, while she continues working – as she does home office most of the time, this was the solution that suits them best, and I love that their children have all kinds of diverse role models, from SAHM (my other sister) to SAHD (their dad) to weird, cat-owning career/creative weirdo (me). In a truly equal-rights, equal-opportunities world, there is room for everyone to lead the life that suits them best.

        (PS: My father never called himself a feminist, and was confused when I once called him that. Labels are not as important as actions. ^^)

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    2. You know what? It’s interesting that you said that. My anthropology professor said that female genital mutilation (FGM) is performed as a means of protecting a girl’s purity. I thought it was interesting. If we know FGM causes health issues why do these societies continue to do it? I’m very open minded. I try to understand these things but I just can’t.

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  38. Wow! I am impressed, that there is a female out there capable of thinking objectively through this subject in spite of what your gender may have to say to you about it. I like that you do not fear the backlash. Almighty God bless you in your writing.

    Liked by 3 people

  41. Right on! We know that most of those protests don’t represent the majority of American women. It is really embarrassing the way they are carrying on. They need to get over themselves. Instead, we all need t remember how much we have to be grateful for. Thank you for standing for what is right. People like you are helping us restore our much beleaguered culture. Keep it up.

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  43. You know I had to read this post after reading your most recent one. I think this post is interesting. My problem with most things is lack of accountability.I find it very problematic when we brush off what an adult is doing as normal behavior.People do what they are allowed to do. A guy isn’t going to hold you down and force himself on and into you because he has a penis but because he’s a savage monster who should be put behind bars who feels as though he won’t be held accountable. We need to stop saying things like “she totally murdered her boyfriend but that’s because he wasn’t paying the bills on time.” “Of course selling cocaine is bad but he’s rich and they aren’t used to paying for their crimes let’s just pretend like it never happened.” “He stole their car because he’s young and having fun.” None of it makes sense. If we’re going to preach accountability we need to be consistent.

    Another thing that came to mind as I read this was that every woman (in our country or any other first-world country) is not treated with respect and was not raised to feel valuable. This is where some women’s day march people were coming from and this hardly ever seems to be addressed.

    We’re not all raised the same way. We aren’t all taught to value ourselves. We aren’t all taught dignity and self-respect. Take any of these things away from any person and they end up ‘broken’ and/or confused. The fact that we live in the States or whatever other first-world country doesn’t ensure our safety and doesn’t ensure our prosperity. It makes our chances better but it doesn’t secure either of those things for us. Those things are taught in the home in our youth and by the people and entities that we socialize with.

    We also do not all have the same tools. I mean. You know this. You kind of spoke about it. Every school is not of the same caliber. You throw a kid into a building with obsolete books and technology and call it education. They get out completely unprepared for the world and everyone tells them, “well you had the same opportunity as that kid over there that attended the expensive freaking private school” knowing damn well that nothing could be further from the truth.

    Our country is far better with the treatment of women as a whole than some Asian and African countries but we should still work towards making things better. Each person is not represented by a wonderful shining statistic of what happened for someone else. Much like every man isn’t an abuser, everyone isn’t setup for success. When someone has concerns we should take note and pay attention. Telling someone their struggles are a figment of their imagination does no good because at the end of the day they’re still living it whether we choose to accept it or not.

    My thoughts on classic feminism. I don’t support feminism because feminism doesn’t support me. I’ll just leave that there.

    I’d also like to mention that every person does not have access to healthcare.

    I like traditional relationships but that doesn’t save me from dealing with bad men. I’m very feminine. I like to nurture. I cook, clean. I like doing my hair and painting my nails and looking pretty. Unfortunately that isn’t enough to stop someone from attacking me. A man has laid hands on me before and while I defended myself the fact that I’m a stereotypical woman did not protect me.

    I’m sorry the comment turned into a novel. LOL.

    Side note (LOL): Interesting that you wrote about FGM! I was just talking to a professor about that ‘ceremony.’

    I love hearing your thoughts! Awesome post. Ugh. I just love your blog. It’s sickening.

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  44. YES!!!

    I haven’t read any of the comments previous to mine, but I hear you got a lot of backlash – I’m not surprised, but I applaud you for this post. Even talking about how women dress. Feminism, in my opinion doesn’t just promote women. I believe it puts men down. I’m not a fan of the term “feminism”. I don’t know what it was like in the beginning… I’m all for my right to vote, and to work (even though I am a happy stay at home mom, something that feminist might frown upon)… but is it just me or has this whole feminism thing just gone too far?

    Thanks for the great post!

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    1. Thanks Amy! Yeah, this topic garners a lot of passion! thanks for share your thoughts! i love the dialogue! i agree, it’s gone too far! it makes me sad how this wave of feminism puts men down. i’m all for love and respect for every person! thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

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  45. My two cents worth?
    I think that recent feminism ideals denigrate the traditional roles of a woman. Today, it’s frowned upon if a woman chooses to stay home from a successful career to raise her family. ‘Why would she do that? She could be out making good money’!
    We should also consider the changing nature of people in our day. There are those who say that narcissistic numbers are on the rise in our North American society. This is a concern because of their lack of feeling and empathy which is a common characteristic of this condition. This unhealthy mental state is not treatable or curable. It’s very difficult to pick these people out in society and they are extremely dangerous to the rest of us. In our day they easily rise to power positions because of their ability to be ruthless.
    Another aspect I think is our society trying to accommodate and follow all the ideas and viewpoints of different people groups in North America. This sets people in different kinds of camps that often oppose each other. Looking at the cities close to where I live there are ‘neighborhoods’ of Indians, Asians, Chinese, etc, etc. each group trying to keep and practice its own culture, morals, thinking, customs, societal rules, and so forth. Multiculturalism hasn’t worked out in North America. We aren’t protecting people in general, we are protecting turbans, burkas, and headscarves, with the implication of every woman having to wear these items so as not to offend others. Feminism today is not about a woman’s rights to vote, to be able to work in the marketplace, to get an education, to marry who she wants. It has become a way to dictate the intricate details of women and men to the point where feminism becomes a burden and a yoke on society.

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    1. Hi lindam, thank you for this thoughtful response. Lots of fascinating ideas to mull over. It all comes down to respect and love. For all people 🙂 so glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  50. Sorry for the late comment here and if I’m repeating what others have already said. I see both sides of the coin and I think it is because there are varying degrees of feminism. I see myself more as a equal-rights opportunist. However, I do see the need for feminism on a global scale. In parts of the world, girls are being forced into marriage and therefore, procreating at too early of an age. There is also the practice of genital mutilation. A girl stands so very little change for opportunities because she is simply born a girl. In that respects, I think our stand towards women’s rights is important – a collective responsibility for that girl on the other side of the world who will have a very harsh life just because of she does not have the XY chromosome.

    As for just N. America and other developed parts of the world, some feminist take it one-step to far to a power-thirst and possibly men-hating level. They also cast a very strong judgement of women who do not follow their views of what a woman should be like in our now modern world. Any woman that WANTS to stay at home rather than focus on a career is then deemed to be lesser than a powerful woman. I do not agree with this at all.

    Having said that, even in N. America, we still do face some inequality. Aside from women making less than men at the same job, I have seen discrimination both on a subtle and blatant level. I have been subject to it myself. For one, I have heard male managers say they like hiring women (not for sexual harassment purposes though that is not completely improbable) but because women work harder, they say. And they may not realize it but it’s become somewhat of an epidemic. Women are hired for less pay, but they do more. And they are guilted to do more. Clients/Customers sometimes treat women unfairly. For example, I have this one male supplier – he is my equal. Our companies have a signed contract type relationship. He treats me differently because I am a woman. Very demeaning and no lack of respect that I have 20 years of experience – but I am to bow to him because of his 20 years of experience. Even though my experience has far surpassed him. 😉 I’m lucky – he is the only one issue I have. Most male counterparts I deal with are pretty awesome!

    Men, however, also experience inequality, too. That is why I see myself more as an equal-rights opportunist. Because there’s a fine line where being a feminist might go to far and tip the scale the other way. One might argue then that that is not being a TRUE feminist and I would agree with them on that.

    As for the act of Women’s March, I agree – I don’t know how effective it is in solving some of the global issues I mentioned above. I do, however, see it as promoting some of the every-day organizations working hard to try and stop these issues (of which I deem as abuse). It is a reminder, perhaps, we are not going to back down and we are going to fight the GOOD fight. Time will tell in the long run if there’s any affect the march and protests might have.

    As for pro-choice/pro-life… I am pro-choice, which is different in my eyes as pro-abortion. I see this as the only socially healthy way of dealing with unwanted pregnancies from tragic situations. I don’t believe it should be used as birth control. For me, I would rather see more time and money put into resources of education at a very early age in order to avoid unwanted pregnancies and safer sex. The sex education programs at public schools is quite shameful and requires some major revamping. My daughter is in Grade 7 – most of her female classmates are in the midst of puberty and I am STILL waiting for them to teach sex education (of course, I took it upon myself to teach her a long time ago – simple because she started asking questions and I wanted to keep that conversation open).

    Anyway – as you can see, I agree with you in some areas and I don’t in others. Point is, we’re all entitled to one’s opinion. The thing is that we’re open to hearing all sides and to even ponder over what each new perspective might bring. THAT is important – that is how we learn, grow and evolve for a better understanding and a better future!

    Peace!

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    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response! I really appreciate you sharing your heart and joining the dialogue. I am so with you on that – having open and healthy and respectful conversations are so important. Because every person comes to the table with different experiences and perspectives that shape their beliefs. And by listening and hearing each other, we can grow and come to an understanding. I have learned so much from the generous comments on here and I’m very grateful for that! Thanks again. 🙂 big hugs to you !! Xox

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