Revival

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Today was a bit surreal. I feel a bit like I’m living someone else’s life.

Being back in New York after my mom’s stroke, even though just for the weekend, it’s hard to believe that this was my life for almost six years. It feels so foreign after nearly three months of being home with my mom. And yet, how easy it is to slip back into the swing of things.

I had one of those catch-your-breath moments this morning. I flew in during this massive snow storm, and so the city looked like a replica of a traditional skyline snow globe. And when my Uber emerged from the tunnel into downtown Manhattan, I actually cried.

Yes, friends. I was that girl. Crying in the back of a black towncar. You would have thought I had just gotten kicked off of The Bachelor.


I don’t know, I was just so overtaken with emotion. I was swept up in the snow and the buildings and just…my city. I have missed New York so much.

There’s something about New York that really…it makes my spirit feel free. There’s this overwhelming air of possibility here. You can chase your wildest dreams. Be anyone you want to be. New York is where it happens. Conquer it, or it conquers you.


But for as enveloped in the literal snowy dream of Manhattan as I was, all day, I couldn’t help but keep thinking about my family back in Ohio. And I’ve honestly been so conflicted. Sitting here tonight, candles lit, glass of wine, looking out my window at the Empire State Building, and getting serenaded by sirens, my heart was wrestling with my mind.

I feel I am at a crossroads. New York pulls at my heart in ways that nowhere else can. It’s where I came into my own. Embraced who I am. And Whose I am. My best friends are here and so are my dreams. So are my possibilities.

And yet Ohio pulls at my heart in equally substantial ways. Ohio is family. Ohio is home. But Ohio is also pain. Significant remnants of a dark past that stirs up heartache and shame. And yet, also, healing salve that comes from helping foster healing in my mom’s recovery.

I’m here, and I miss Ohio. And in Ohio, I yearn for New York.

And frankly, I fear this is giving me gray hair.

200w-2.gif

And how can I even be considering not living in Ohio? To be honest, I feel guilty even entertaining the idea

And well, I’ve now officially cried twice today.

During all of this back and forth and round and round my mind has been doing, I paused for a minute and heard a song lyric that really hit me.

Pandora had been on in the background, and for the first time all night, I had actually listened to a lyric, and this was it:

“Are you hurting and broken within? Jesus is calling.”

And I kind of did a double take…Um, yes Lord. I am both of those things right now. Apparently You are calling right now…Consider this your “read receipt.”

200w.gif

My interest piqued, I decided to keep listening, and the very next song was called “My Revival.” It goes, “Jesus, You are my revival. Jesus on you I wait.”

You are my revival.

Revival.

I instantly thought of my mom during her stroke recovery. She is literally in a period of revival: body, mind and spirit. Chills went down my back. But for some reason, I was prompted to look up “revival” in the dictionary.

And underneath the first definition that pertained to my mom: (“The improvement of condition”) was another definition that really struck a chord with me…

“An instance of something becoming important again. A comeback, reestablishment, reappearance, reintroduction.”

Double chills.

Could God be talking to me through Pandora!?

I’m not even being flip about that.

Jesus, on You I wait.

Coming back home would have so much fear attached to it. So many questions. Unknowns. Apprehensions.

I don’t know. I just. don’t. know.

I’m right back to where I started…on that dreadful merry-go-round of pros-and-cons, this’s-and-that’s.

Jesus on You I wait.

img_1960

I don’t have to decide what to do tonight. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that or that.

I just have to keep doing the next right thing and wait for Jesus.

Patience has never been my strong suit, but I do believe that I will know what to do. Jesus will gently guide me where I should be, and give my heart peace along the way.

Jesus, You are my revival. Jesus, on You I wait.

((Written last week in NYC))

________________________________________________________________
Stay Connected!
@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

Please check out my affiliate partners! Doing so helps you, and it helps me 🙂 Amazon, Reebok, NatureBox, Sunbasket, WPengine Webhosting, Warby Parker, Masterclass

patreon

Thank you for considering supporting BBB on Patreon! You make this blog possible 🙂

Published by

Unknown's avatar

beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

220 thoughts on “Revival”

    1. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Yeah, sometimes the simplest things can hit us in the most powerful of ways at the right time. I guess we just have to be listening for them…even if they come to us in a song! 😉 hugs to you xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your words always challenge me…challenge me to let Jesus have all of me, challenge my views of women, beauty, love, life, and what it means to be real — Velveteen Rabbit real, in a world so obsessed with the fake. Thank you. I have never met you but your words warm my soul like an old friend. May you be as blessed as your words have been a blessing to me. N.

    Like

  6. “Could God be talking to me through Pandora!? I’m not even being flip about that.”
    ~ yes, I think so. Seriously, why not? I mean, you hear of people who’ve spoken in tongues, why not God? Why can’t He speak to us in whatever way He chooses, whatever will get through to us or make us understand? Once when I was going through a truly dismal patch of life, I sobbed myself to sleep while praying. I woke in the middle of the night to the radio (which I had not left on) blasting: “I never did believe in miracles, But I’ve a feeling it’s time to try.” Guess it was a wake-up call ; )

    Like

    1. I think you’re right! Holy air waves! 😂😎 thank you so much for this encouragement. Gosh, that sounds like a challenging moment, but how incredible that He was able to get through to you like that. Thanks for sharing that. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh dear. Where to start? We have this funny fantasy that our souls can be squeezed into our bodies – it’s an illusion necessary only because we want to hide from union with God, to be “our selves.”

    You miss the place that you’re not because your soul is stretched between both places, yes? Well, ignore the convention of your body. You ARE in both places simultaneously, or at least the part of you that God really cares about, and through which He brings healing into the world.

    When you miss a place, let your mind drift to it, because you are torn only because someone wants to claim you, to hold your hand, to focus the attentions of your soul onto them exclusively. But that can be done anywhere and any time. When they call to you, let your heart receive them and affirm: “You are loved.”

    Only through such practices can Christ unite the world. The people in Ohio see New York through you, and those in New York see Ohio through you. They become one family in you.

    Remember the parable of the minahs: To those that have, more will be given. To those that have not, even what they have will be taken from them.” The third servant waited. Whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Brian 🙂 that’s such an interesting way to think about it – our souls squeezed into our bodies. That’s a powerful visual. Thanks for this great advice. It is coming at a really poignant time. You are a blessing:) Hugs and love xox

      Like

  9. Hey friend – two parts of your blog I so connect with – firstly, patience, what is that? And how does it feel to be patient I often wonder…….
    Secondly, the tension of wanting to be in two places for two different reasons – I get that friend – how hard it is to be in the good place you are in but also wanting to be somewhere else –
    I read this today. ‘faith is acting and thinking like God is telling the truth’ – I’m so glad we don’t walk this life alone – we need faith that the place we are in is God’s very best for right now –
    I so appreciate you friend and thanks for liking my post again this week –
    You have such a gift for writing it’s almost like your voice comes through – Bless you (btw sorry if this is the longest comment ever……is there rules for the comments not exceeding the original post😳)

    Like

    1. Thank you so much:) not too long at all! I love reading your wisdom! Thank you so much for the powerful perspective. So comforting to remember that we’re not walking alone. And you’re right-the waiting is hard, but I believe it is in the waiting that we are transformed. God is good. Thanks again for being such a great friend! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  10. I feel you, you write the way I try to.
    I feel you on many fronts,
    My Mom also had a stroke years ago,
    and it changed everything for her, and us.
    In one of your prior post you said your Mother
    asked ‘I will never be the same, will I?’
    Well that rings true for me as well,
    I had a transplant 3 years ago,
    after struggling with severe illness for over 5 years.
    I have recently come to the conclusion after 3 years,
    that I too will never be the same.
    Last, but in no way the Least, I Believe.
    Best of luck to you and yours. – OmaEagle

    Like

    1. Thank you so much OmaEagle, for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you can so personally relate and I will definitely keep your mom and you in my prayers. Gosh, what a journey. Yes. Believe. Because perhaps the new will have a great depth and compassion and understanding and will be even more suited to receive an abundant life in every way. Sending all my love. Xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you BeautyBeyondBones.
        My Mother Is no longer with us, her first stroke was in 2010 it affected her cerebellum, thus her equilibrium, and basically could not ambulate well. She had a second stroke in 2015 and after being in a coma for 6 weeks, she passed, She is where she always wanted to be, in Heaven, with her family.
        My whole life has been a test, but I believed through my whole life, that I indeed was truly blessed with the warm inner love and strength to endure and share Love with all. I will pray for you and your family as you all live out this chapter of Life. Love – OmaEagle.

        Like

      2. Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear that. may she rest in perfect peace in Heaven with her loved ones. My heart is with you. It always brings me some comfort to know that we will all be reunited in Heaven one day, with no pain or sorrow. Thank you again my friend. sending all my love xox

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I love “O Come to the Altar”!

    Jesus can speak to one through something as benign as a leaf blown about by the wind, or an ant crawling on the ground. Whether or not one hears him is usually dependant on one’s heart being postured to receive.

    Like

  12. Hi Caralyn, it sounds like you’re quite conflicted between living in Ohio and NYC. Taking it one day at a time and seeing what life (or in your case, Jesus) has to offer would seem like the wise thing to do.

    Anyways, hope you don’t get offended, but the part about Pandora made me laugh. Like err, I don’t know if God is actually talking to you through Pandora… maybe it’s just a song with a special meaning (for you)?

    Overall, great message of hope and conviction in faith. Always love reading your blog Caralyn, it’s like watching one of my favorite tv shows, absolutely amazing 😉 ciao xo

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Psy. I absolutely love that – seeing what Jesus has to offer – That *is* the wise thing to day. hah oh good! i’m glad it made you laugh! thanks so much for the kind words. your encouragement means the world. big big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  14. “Why You Need To Do The Things That Scare You” – Ella Ceron

    “GO WITH THE CHOICE THAT SCARES YOU THE MOST” -November 3, 2014 by Mastin Kipp

    “Whatever scares you, go do it” – Derek Sivers

    Like

  15. I’m going through a weird transition right now. I needed to read this. I’m bad at waiting on The Lord. I’m too self-reliant I need to get better at that, and I know God is at work. I just need to let him work. Amen, Caralyn!

    Like

    1. Hi Brandon, thanks so much for this. I’ll definitely keep you in my prayers during this transition. Yes, I believe He is always at work. we just need to let Him drive! thanks for the encouramgent 🙂 big hugs xox

      Like

  16. Sweetheart, God has your attention and He’s going to put you where you’re supposed to be.. As you know, watch and wait and you will know what your next step is to be. Him leading you where you are supposed to be.. No stress, no anxiety..He has you and this…. All these things, you know… XO

    Like

  17. Yes! Wait on Him. He is always faithful to answer and His timing is impeccable. Sometimes, we don’t see that in the midst of the waiting, but, rather, in the looking back. So many times have I found myself at a crossroads and discovered He was right there all the time to show me the way. ( and He has used everything from songs to divine encounters to strategically placed signs on the road to speak. 🙂 )Hugs and prayers. He’s got this.

    Like

    1. Thanks so much Marisa 🙂 That’s so true – He’s got this, and perhaps it will be in the looking back that I’ll be able to see Him orchestrating things right in front of me. He’s good like that. Thanks for the beautiful encouragement. It really means a lot 🙂 big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh gosh, Carson, I love that. you’re right – He’ll give me His peace, and that’s how I’ll know. What a comforting thought that is. I can always count on you for a breath of fresh air! 🙂 hope you’re having a great night! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sure I alluded to it before but moving back to my hometown should have been super stressful and anything but peaceful but you know I’ve realized even more lately that as anxious a person as I’ve always been (probably borderline anxiety disorder) I’ve been finding more and more and more peace in Jesus’ love for me and just….I don’t worry anymore. Somewhere I wrote about how one night at my puppet team’s weekly practice my uncle (the team leader) asked us all to rate how much we worry and I surprised myself (and a few people there) because I just kind of realized that like…yeah….I’m not really worried. There’s nothing I can think of realistically that I would worry about, and there’s nothing unrealistic I’ve given the time of day to because well I mean what can I say, perfect love drives out all fear. Yall should be like ‘Boom’-ing on that up in here.

        And if it’s not already too late for it, haha–[Rant alert!]

        Before I knew what I was talking about (several years ago after my first and last encounter with a counsellor ((who just happened to end of up my pastoral team, haha ironic?)) ) I said to a friend, the only counsellor I need is named Wonderful… and I mean jee, if your kid needed advice would you leave them hanging? No way man, you’d probably be all up in their face like teeth n gums because you friggen love them and there’s no way you’re gonna hang them out to dry–or wait for someone ELSE to give them advice that may or may not be good.. and Father is so much more full of love for his kids, He is so much more determined to make sure that if you want to hear from him you’re GONNA hear from him cause he’s your dad and he loves you and that’s the kind of love you can rest in and find peace in, those big strong arms that are so mighty to save but so tender to embrace and caress…..mmmmmmmmm…….

        Like

      2. THat’s so great, Carson! I’m so glad that you’re at peace and not worrying. And isn’t that the truth — perfect love *does* drive out all fear. And what a great way to think about that – and I’ve gotta say your teeth and gums description made me smile 🙂 thanks for the uplifting words. so much peace here 🙂 hugs xox

        Like

      3. 😀 it’s just so good.
        Bahaha, I quite enjoyed it myself ;D and of course you’re always welcome – happy to let Father work 🙂 Happy Friday my friend!

        Like

  19. I’ve never lived in New York, but I’ve been there often enough and fantasized about living there since I was 13. I know how you must feel.

    Like

  20. I find myself looking forward to reading your posts. It leaves me challenging myself to look within and I’m excited honestly for the journey you’re on with Christ and though he may have you waiting I can’t wait to read about the many things yet to come. Thank you for sharing yourself with us 😊

    Like

    1. Aw, Hellena! What a kind thing to say. thank you so much. I’m glad they hit home with you. And I am seriously so touched by your friendship and support. it means the world. God is good, and I will trust that He has good things to come. For me and you, too!! 🙂 hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  22. By the time this pops up in the comments it will probably already be said, and I know I said this to you before ( I believe it was about the cab driver) God puts all His children where He wants them to be. He will guide you there too 🙂 I know you have faith in that. When those fearful thoughts come, and they will, when you catch them, do what you’re doing, showing Him you have faith. They will flee from you. And yes, if God can create all that there is, including us, part the red sea, etc, He can certainly talk to you through Pandora LOL 🙂 Praying for your clarity in His message for you. Thanking Him for your mom’s recovery and your familys healing as well. God Bless you 🙂

    Like

    1. Thanks so much for your continued prayers and support, my friend. I think you’re right – He will put me right where He wants me. I do believe that too. It’s just hard to have patience and really trust that sometimes. hahah, your blurb about Pandora made me laugh – yes! even Pandora! big hugs to you – and yes! so much to be thankful for 🙂 including the fact that our paths crossed 🙂 xox

      Liked by 1 person

  25. So much goodness here! Of course, I save my comments for Pandora. By the way, I don’t know if its the recording or something on my end, but the beginning has a lot of distortion. Essentially, I hope you realize just how spot on you are tonight!

    Like

    1. Hey Jeff! oh no! that’s no good! in truth, i didn’t listen back to it, so i didn’t hear the distortion! i’m sorry! i recorded it a different way tonight – without a microphone just into the computer’s built in mic — i was too lazy to go upstairs hahahah next time I’ll get it right 🙂 and thanks so much. i can always count on you for a breath of fresh air! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  26. I will be praying for you. I understand that torn between feeling. You are so right…You don’t have to decide right now. Following Jesus is simply doing the next thing and then the next thing. Keep praying and listening to Him… However He speaks to you!! ☺

    Like

    1. thank you so much for your prayers, Tammy. that seriously means so much. You’re right – we’ve got to just keep listening, because He’s always guiding us. always in control. thanks for stopping band for the encouragement! hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  29. I understand this totally. I’ve loved the place I now live in (my parents’ property) for over 40 years. But it’s out of the way. I’ve also loved our central North Island plateau totally for about the same length of time – and for 2+ years have harbored the desire to move there. It hasn’t been happening. And one can’t be in 2 places at once. The only thing that consoles me is a frequent message coming out of many prophetic words that says “Right now, you are where you are supposed to be.” Like you, I’ve concluded the only thing to do is rest in the Lord – and ‘rest’ is the key factor. He cannot operate in our lives if we are agonizing, theorizing and trying to force decisions. Keep calm, and wherever you are at any given moment, enjoy it (that’s important, too!). If we yield up to Him, the best resolution will come – but it will be in His timing, not ours. Blessings, blessings 🙂 – and totally enjoy NY while you are there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right now you are where you are supposed to be. Wow, what a comforting phrase. and i love that – rest in the Lord. thank you so much for sharing hat with me. amen amen amen! thanks for this beautiful encouragement. you are a blessing to me! hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  30. God speaks to us through the Holy Spirit that is promised to those that love God. Jesus said in John 14:15-17 “If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. Therefore we must seek God’s guidance in direction for our live through the Gospel of Christ Jesus. Jesus said in John 14:6 ” “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”. Therefore God’s children are led by the Holy Spirit and our steps are ordered by the Lord not by us. We cannot give God our wishlists or desires and expect Him to act according to our desires. He is the Boss, the creator, the Father and we are His servants and we are humbled and grateful that He would consider using us and giving us a purpose. We must humbly, sincerely and wholeheartedly submit to God and He will lift us up and give us a hope and a future. Then we will have a peace that does not come and go with every wind and storm that this life brings. We cannot use God like a Genie in a bottle, where we call on Him when we want something or when we find ourselves in a tough situation. We should seek God’s counsel before we act and then we won’t find ourselves lost and confused. We will find ourselves right where God wants us to be; standing in faith.

    Seek first God’s Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

    Rev.

    Like

    1. Isn’t that so comforting to know that we were left with a Comforter, a Guide? Thats so amazing. That’s true though – God is the boss and not the other way around. i think that’s something that i really need to remember and listen to amen to that. thanks for this awesome reflection and for sharing those powerful verses. hugs ox

      Like

  31. Step by step …that’s how He’ll guide you. He’ll give you strength for the hour, for the day. He’ll give you strength as you need it. So yes…be patient – wait. I’ll join you in prayer for wisdom 🙏🏽

    Like

  32. Our God is a God of creative contingencies. In people, in places and in circumstances. Eternal life is to know Him. That ‘s where it begins and where it never ends. Your writings are fresh and candid. Thanks.

    Like

    1. that’s so true, Gary. Creative contingencies. I love that so much. Alliteration and truth bomb in one!! 😉 And you’re right, it never ends. thanks for the beautiful encouragement. very grateful. big hugs xox

      Like

  35. I’ve battle with this everyday due to the fact that I’ve lived in Haiti but my life is somewhere else now I feel guilty for been happy on my own. I thank you for sharing this and been honest. We all need to be reminded that Jesus got this ❤️. You can do it, he will guide you through it all .
    love Sergine ❤️❤️

    Like

  37. Look how beautiful life is for you @BeautyBeyondBones, people are looking after you… wishing nothing but the best and for you to be given such meaningful choices be encourage, stay the course and you can be assured that you can go through any experience with God at your side.

    Like

  38. Dear friend, a change of scenery is sometimes important for a release. Be not discouraged or dismayed. God has you right where he needs you to be. I know that some could love the idea of the big city and brighter lights. Let your heart take courage in your assistance to your mother. She is doing well because of her faith in the Lord and the help she is receiving from you. Please understand Carolyn that the past events are forgotten. God does not think as man thinks. God does not see as man sees. In you’re writings you claim that God gave you the strength to endure. Be of good cheer.. The blood of Jesus has wiped away past events. Do not give place to the devil and let him rob you of victory over that. A restaurant menu , a mirror even magazines don’t define you. FYI I didn’t have the best upbringing as well but after coming to the Lord in faithful and reverence I realized I can shut the door on the past by the blood of Jesus. It’s like I never lived that life before. I continue to humble myself in the site of the Lord and the joy of the Lord remains my strength and happiness. As far it goes with desires. I pray that you let your desires match his for your life. I pray that the joy of the Lord follow you all the days of your life. Besides… Ohio isn’t so bad. I love it there. The doughnuts are sugary and the cheese is chocolaty. I will pray for the continued strength that both you and your mother need during this time. I don’t do this for anything in return, I do it because you have become a good friend to me even though we not always agree 100% of the time. I will still pray for you 1 John 4:7-13King James Version (KJV)

    7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

    8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

    9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

    10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

    11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

    12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.

    13 Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.

    Anthony

    Like

    1. We can shut the door to the past by the blood of Jesus. Wow, what a powerful truth. and how special to think about that during Lent, leading up to His passion. thank you for this beautiful encouragement, A. You are a blessing to me and I thank you so much for sharing His Word and sharing His promises with me. you are good! hugs xox

      Like

  40. It is so true that when we are somewhere, we miss the places we have been before! It sounds like you are doing the right thing and are in tune! You are taking it in and listening. I know you will make whatever decision is right for yourself 😊💜

    Like

  41. It’s so accurate how the crossroads in life just overwhelm, doing the next right thing and waiting for Jesus, am with that train and trusting that he always comes through. Very timely.

    Like

  43. Waiting is HARD. There is so much chiseling to be done in the waiting. May I recommend Lauren Daigle? She is a Louisiana gal who sings the song you mentioned above. Her entire CD is on repeat constantly.

    Like

    1. oh gosh, yes. it. is. thank you so much BBB. Lauren Dangle – I’ll definitely have to listen to more of her stuff! i loved that song, but it was just on a pandora station, so i only heard that particular one, but i would love to listen to that whole cd! thanks for passing it along! hugs to you xox

      Like

  44. Sounds like a time of revival to me. Loved how you processed everything going on inside of you. Springtime is coming!

    Btw, at least hair turning gray from stress is a myth (more due to heredity), so you can cross that one off. 🙂
    Blessings to you.

    Like

      1. Funny thing is, there was an article about this very thing on msn.com today! They blame the myth on some experiments done on mice. Thankfully, we’re not mice, so don’t worry about the gray! Yay! God bless.

        Like

  46. Loved this blog post. God is always on time and he ALWAYS knows what we need before we do. Trust in him. Continued prayers for you and the family . Even though I live and was born in New York , it doesn’t inspire the feelings about it that you felt. The place where I lived for 13 years and will always be my home , Boston , I get those kind of feelings whenever I go back there.

    Like

  47. Going back home to help take care of my mother would be the only thing that would take me back to Ohio. Ohio is pain, lose, abandonment, racism, and anger for me. I dread the moment I drive across the state line. I was in Texas but raised in Ohio now a resident of Michigan. I don’t want to sound so negative but Ohio is poison where my all of family lives they would be the only reason I would go back. Another great post. Look forward to the next. Keep it up! 🙂

    Like

Join the Conversation!