Seeing RED 

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

*sigh* This post is going to be difficult to write.

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The saying goes, never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes…or something like that.

And I’ve learned over the years that as much as I hate those cliched little nuggets, they actually hold a lot of truth. Stand the test of time.

I’ve been wanting to respond to my recent post on Feminism for a while now. It garnered quite the diverse feedback. And I appreciate that so much. One of the cool things about an online community like this is that people bring with them all their experiences and perspectives. We all are on different journeys, and I sincerely enjoy learning and listening to every person.

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After that last post, there were numerous reflections that took offense at my statements about motherhood:

The very essence of being female is the ability to bear children. Bring life into the world. That is the one and only thing that is uniquely female. That is the aspect of being a woman that is what should be celebrated and cherished and protected. And, in the name of feminism, we’re fighting to squelch that? Fighting to suppress that exclusively female gift? That, in my opinion, is the exact opposite of feminism.

But I’ve wanted to respond to the backlash I received from this very statement. It’s taken me this long, because honestly, my heart has been hurt by many of these replies, and it has taken me a little extra time to muster the courage to respond.

As you all are very well aware, I had a severe case of anorexia in high school, and then an equally dire relapse in college.

But there’s a dirty little secret about anorexia that not many people realize, and that I have personally not shared yet. But there is a devastating consequence of this disease that many sufferers experience, even after they are “healed.”

And that’s…

Infertility.

And typing that out, my heart is just heavy with devastation. It’s one of those things that I’ve just locked away in a box and thrown away the key. Figuring that if I never uttered it, it wouldn’t actually be true. Ignorance…or rather, denial…is bliss.

But the fact is, here I am a mid twenty-something, and I’ve never menstruated.


I developed anorexia right on the cusp of puberty in high school. And at the same time, I was simultaneously diagnosed with ulcerative colitis – an incurable autoimmune disease.

So it was really the “perfect storm” of my body truly fighting to stay alive, that that part of my development just never happened.

So when I talk about women being the crown of creation, and that motherhood is the essence of womankind, it is coming from a heart that has mourned that gift. A heart that breaks that I will not be able to offer that gift to my husband. My family. Myself.

But a heart that knows that God will make me a mother one way or another. God has put that longing in my heart, and will not let it go to waste. There are other forms of motherhood : adoption, spiritual motherhood, fostering love for my nieces and other children in my life.

And I don’t put a miracle past God either.

Not being able to bear children – whether through infertility, menopause, life situation, what-have-you…that does not mean that you are not fully female, as many people assumed I was proposing.

Far from it.

And I bet those women will tell you that those “mothering” qualities have been lived out in other, nearly-as-fullfilling ways.

And I know that that yearning and loss my heart has wrestled with, has added to the depth and character of my own feminine qualities. It has given me a perspective that I bring to each and every encounter I have. It is a “bag” – or a jewel, rather – that I carry with me on my journey.

So that, like in this community, we can all come together and collective converse, coming from different paths with different perspectives.

And that, is one of mine to offer.

Why am I pro-life?

Because my heart has mourned the loss of truly, the life that I am not able to carry into this world.

The life that makes a woman a mother.

The life that makes a woman’s love life-giving. 

The life that is the result of our feminine power.


God will not forsake the love I long to give. Not to a future husband. Not to a future child. Perhaps my motherhood role will just look slightly different. But in no way does it decrease my worth. Make me any less of a woman.

I may feel that at times.

But God will make beauty from ashes.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

625 thoughts on “Seeing RED ”

  1. This was a great post with some eye opening perspectives on the effects of anorexia. Thank you for sharing what was probably not your first impulse to share.
    Good luck in your journey for motherhood, in any form. That’s also a great sentiment! You go girl! I agree with your paragraph on feminism. We want to be equal but what does that really mean? We can’t really ever be equal in the sense your comparing apples to oranges. We have to know what we’re asking for in equality.
    Great post!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think one of the hardest (and most frustrating) things about being a writer is: interpretation. You can pour everything you’ve got into what you write, but sometimes people take what you’ve written and turn it around to mean something else. Either way, I’m glad you found the courage to share something so painful. The fact that you allow yourself to be transparent and write the pieces you do is inspiring. I am tearful with a heavy heart for you, but I also have lots of joy as well. You are an amazing woman of faith and I pray God continues to use you to uplift and encourage others through the pain. There are so many woman that can relate to this–I plan to feature this piece in my church’s newsletter today. 🙂 Love you sis, take care and God bless.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That’s so true! in writing, everything is subjective and open to interpretation. Thanks so much for your encouraging words and prayers. I really appreciate that. And wow! I am so honored that you would share this with your church! my gosh, I am so touched 🙂 thanks again! big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi, I am truly sorry to hear that you have gone through such a difficult journey with your body, your soul, your mind and motherhood. I cannot imagine what that journey has been like. I still have my concerns when we take a personal experience and then apply it to women as a whole. I am still concerned that “feminine power” is an essentialized understanding of what a woman is. I am still concerned that this understanding of what a woman is limits our appreciation of the diversity of female (or rather, HUMAN) experience. Having said all that, I truly hope that you do not take this comment as a criticism of you personally. I often find that conversing with opposite opinions is the best way to learn and articulate our own positions. I have learned a lot from your blog and I am a happy subscriber who loves reading your content and learning from your perspective. I hope you learn from my perspective as well! Sending lots of love to you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I really appreciate it, and I also really appreciate how eloquently and respectfully you express yourself! which i know is kinda weird to say, but I fully agree with you, that having an open and respectful dialogue is the best way to learn and foster understanding! So I love it too!! 🙂 And thanks for your kind words about my blog, too. I hope that you’re having a great afternoon. seeing big hugs xo

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  5. Caralyn,

    I just want to pick you up and hug you, and wish you were my darling daughter’s sister (which you are and how wonderful that Jesus’ blood relates us, but that one day, also because of that, He will wipe away all of the tears and the pain). And don’t we look forward to that and say, ‘Come quickly!’?

    I can’t believe how brave you’ve been, and what an enormous example you are to all the rest of us who are struggling back out of darkness, saved by God’s incredible love; beauty for ashes, a garland of flowers instead of the ashes of despair. You’ve done us all proud, and set the bar where it should be. Every act, every word, you are storing up treasure for yourself that no moth or rust can steal or destroy. You cannot even imagine what blessing you are already reaping, and what more will unfold by the stands you are taking for His sake, for His truth, for the sake of His love. Don’t ever think that you’ll fail to receive many times over, what you’ve given God, and given up for Christ’s sake. I’m so hugely proud for your parents! And Future Hub should about burst with pride too!

    That said, Jesus does say in Matthew 10:34 that He didn’t come to bring peace, but a sword, and we can’t escape the fact that the clearer we are about God, His world, life and who we are, we will come into conflict with the spirit of this world and its worldview. That’s ok. It’s been promised. You’ll face the same thing with your book. So does that mean you won’t write it? Of course not! But certainly some reviews and comments will bring you pain because every word of truth from the mouth of God will strike at the heart of the Lie, and because we are in a real battle against powers and principalities, there will be reactions. You can lessen the pain of these fiery arrows, as Paul puts it, when you learn to use the shield of faith, as He puts it in Ephesians, and what that means, I’m sure God can reveal to you.

    Those of us who know your spirit, know where you’re coming from, and will be willing to listen even if we don’t agree. Stand your ground, lass. As Polonius says to Laertes in Hamlet, ‘ And above all else, my son, to thine own self be true, and it shall follow as the night the day. Thou canst not be false to any man.’

    Nothing is unnoticed by God.

    Much love to you and yours,
    Indi

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, Indi. I am so incredibly touched by this beautiful comment. thank you so much. I feel your hugs through your words and am returning one right back to you. You’re so right – standing up for God does create conflict, but you’re right – we’ve been given faith as a shield. we’ve got to put on the Armor of God. That’s such a powerful verse in Ephesians. I love it so much, because it really is a battle out there, whether we like to admit it or not. Thanks again for being such a great friend. You are so generous with your kindness. it really means a lot and fills my heart with so much joy and hope 🙂 sending big big hugs xox

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  6. Caralyn, this post has been sitting and turning in my mind, and obviously so, if you see my current flower post. You are so sensitive and such a thoughtful (as in both Giving and Thinking) person that it is no wonder you think, communicate, and care – about others. I am in awe of your ability to share as I am both more circumspect and anonymous. Try to let the criticism slide off as raindrops, and cross bridges when you get there. Easier said than done, I know. I feel as though I am often using little miracles from my own life as examples and that gets so wordy (and probably tedious), but rest assured the Lord has plans, and everBody may tell you this & that – but God gets the final say and often switches directions on our way : ) Peace! ~ Peri

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    1. Let it slide off like raindrops. Oh, Peri, I love that so much. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. I am so touched by your kindness. You’re so right – God gets the final say. amen to that. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Caralyn, your life story should be a book … or screenplay. Great cinema and stage productions begin with a compelling story. You could even play yourself in the movie. Is this where God is leading you?

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  8. Hello my lovely
    This will be my first comment since my heart surgery – I’m sorry it has been so long. I wanted to thank you for your courage and bravery. I agree with you about woman’s unique gift of carrying life. And, although different, I understand your mourning, your loss (here is a bit of my story in this area – you may have read it already https://wholeheartedrants.wordpress.com/2016/08/03/remembering-my-lost-children/

    I didn’t for one second think that you were saying that only women who have children are feminine, and I’m so sorry that some people misunderstood you.

    I want to encourage you that there is hope in all circumstances. And to let you know, as a 45 year old woman unable to have children, that life is still wonderful in all its ways. There are so many ways to use your maternal giftings, all of them beautiful. Now I’m going to say something controversial. Our identity as women is found in God – who created us in his image, male and female. Our femininity comes from God as an amazing gift to treasure.

    Keep on doing what you do best – being honest and raw and true to yourself.

    Sending you loads of love xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lucy, oh my gosh, heart surgery! I’m so glad you’re doing better! i will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing that with me. i’m so sorry that you can so personally relate to this post. but you’re absolutely true – there is hope in all circumstances. i love that so much. and i am totally with you on that : our identity is found in Him. That’s the best place to put it! thanks for stopping by! big hugs to you xox

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  10. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of who you are – I know that it must have been difficult to type those words and have the courage to press Publish. You have tackled an unbelievably complex issue with compassion, understanding and non-judgement – a very difficult feat!
    Sometimes, people forget that this it is not simply a left or right issue. I hear your words and it doesn’t matter whether or not I personally agree with them because the important part is that your honesty allowed me to pause and listen. I have so much respect for you and your journey. Too often, people don’t listen and forget that others do not share their same experiences, hardships and relationships. When we stop and listen to others, we receive eye-opening insight.
    Thank you for having the courage and the compassion to share your story ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. wow, thank you so much for such a kind response. You’re right, I was super nervous to press publish, but i am so grateful for the kindness that i have received in return. so thank you for that! you’re right – this is definitely an issue with a lot of gray area, and i respect the fact the people have different views. And I sincerely appreciate a healthy and respectful dialogue about it, because i think it fosters mutual respect and understanding when we can all bring our different views/perspectives/experiences/beliefs to the table and have a productive dialogue about it! 🙂 I think you’re right – listening is an art form and i wish the world would do a lot more of it 🙂 thanks again for stopping by and for your encouragement! i hope you have a great day! hugs xox

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  11. You deserve a hug. I’m sorry if at any time I spoke out of turn. I don’t think I can walk that mile in your shoes. This is a hard post to digest. I guess I will call you friend after all, even if only nominally, for this post.

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    1. Hi Dan, thank you so much 🙂 No, not at all! I really enjoy our back and forth! I always come away from our interactions having learned something and with a new perspective. thanks for the kind words. big hugs xo

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      1. You leave me an opening. If I were wise, I would take advantage. I, too, enjoy the grande opposition of our opinions, you and me. I would be hard-pressed to find an individual so diametrically opposed to my views as you. When I first read writings of yours, I turned away quickly (it all seemed frivolous), but your persistence to read and/or like (with the like button, that is) certain writings mine caught my attention. I started to look for patterns in the “likes” (probably all wrong what I concluded), and I went back for another nibble. Studied your writings from the beginning. There I found some good dirt about the grossness of anorexia, and I was hooked. Entertainment needs to be a little repulsive to get us hooked. And yours was. But then, you kept on about Jesus Jesus Jesus, and with everything I said, your answer was Jesus, so I thought maybe this interaction had hit its dead end. (The idea of having a man on a cross, just ’cause He loves ya so much is repulsive to me. Seems a little morbid, that you would want that for him, ya know.) You are so conservative in your viewpoints of a Christ, a family and marriage image, and POWER of your God to heal. I guess I was driven mostly by curiosity.

        This last post yours about the bearing or not bearing of children was impressive, mostly to me, again, for the diametric opposition to what I knew. The gal I married had had her period by the time she was 9. And when I couldn’t get her a baby quick enough, mostly every conversation that was ever begun would quickly turn to, “Give me a baby! I want a baby NOW!” Well, not in that exact language, but I’m sure a person reading might understand. That was a hard pill to swallow. She got checked out through insurance from her work in as many tests as she could find to PROVE that SHE IS FERTILE! And, obviously, all fault my own.the lack of a baby. ‘Course, I never wanted to be checked. I’m a man, after all. People only go to hospitals and such places to die. When you’re ready to die, okay, go ahead and go. And she would revel in more and more exams and all the pain it caused her to things shoved in and taken out and so on and so forth, to prove that all fault was my own. And I learned (we are intelligent creatures aren’t we?) I learned to detest women and family and marriage…and life. Well, not all thanks to her. Going to her seemed a great solution to all things missing in life at the time, but then again, life only continues to be what it is. Constant and continuous.

        In this post of yours, I guess I sympathized that all of your situation, you would not have quite the same opportunity as the girl I married to scream the way she does, and be that particular “squeaky wheel.”

        So glad you love our disagreements and opposite views. As I said, it is nice just because of your totally conservative views, whereas I would much rather be a warrior, like Iriquois or Nez Pearce or Siox, or Navajo. Maybe like Geronimo. Maybe even like unto Inca or Aztec. I believe a people should be a tribe, not a FAMILY and FIGHT FOR THEIR FREEDOMS. Not be totally abused by doctors and judges and lawyers and cops on the charge of “society”, but a society framed by walled families that don’t even look at their neighbors for tunnel vision of their own selfish ends. Take away the papers. Take away the numbers. The paper pushers. The bureaucrats. The documents to go place to place. I, too, have had to bribe my way across a border, just being a meaningless, stupid paper was not signed. Our society is messed up because if certain paperwork is not done, the people are NOT ALLOWED to be helped. That goes both by state and religion. I have seen.

        To me, marriage is for lunaticks. Paperwork is all dumb and meant to enslave man. Turn us into nothing more than cattle to be pushed from place to place with no more freedoms of our own, anymore, of any kind. To be jailed and hospitalized over and over again, for the simple being that one does not conform to certain uppers’ way of thinking. Turn us all into the cogs of society machinery clockwork, and each that doesn’t fit gets bashed as I was, again and again, and told, as I was, many things not necessary here to relate, but how I am worthless and no good to society and of no value for anyone. In many ways that was said over time. But I know my own worth. I don’t need someone to tell it to me. Not even a God. I am worth more than gold, and I know that, too. I don’t accept others’ abject opinions of me as fact. I accept nothing as fact, but what I can prove myself.

        I would say to people at times, ask the question, that is, “If you could be anything, and you didn’t have to be human, what would you be?” I tell them, I would be a virus attacking every mitochondria of every cell of mine enemies’ bodies. I would leave them as dead batteries.

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  12. This world can be such a cruel place to be, and people in turn can take on that cruelty. I’m sorry it was pointed toward your heart. It takes courage and vulnerability every time we put our fingers to the keyboard to type our honest story. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart.

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    1. Thanks friend. i really appreciate it. yeah, I’ve got to just be ready for all sorts of comments if I’m going to put my heart out on the internet! hah thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

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  13. Oh this is so brave and so amazing!!! Bless your heart for sharing this. Makes me nod and say yes!!!! We must never conclude for others!!! And so like you I do believe in the God of the impossible, let his will be done. Trust God, have faith that’s mainly our responsibility. Thanks again for inspiring me today

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  16. Thank you, Caralyn, for sharing something so deeply personal with us. With me you are not a brash feminist but a child of God with a very loving, very caring heart. I take your words to be heartfelt jewels of wisdom and experience. I’m sorry for all the bashing you received over an innocent assessment of women and life. Please continue in the vein of thoughts and emotions that you have shared. We will always be here — eager to hear what you have to say and eager to share in this experience of life. May God Bless You Richly and please also know that I am praying for your mother’s healing.

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    1. Hi Eric, thank you so much for this kind response. Gosh, I feel unworthy of such affirming words. You are a blessing to me. Thank you for your continued prayers, and know that you are in mine too:) Hugs and love xox

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  19. Thank You for sharing some of the highs and lows of your life’s story with us. Thank You for being so gracious in your articles, and especially in your comments to those who have expressed deep disagreement with your perspective on life.

    In December, my wife and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage. We too have been unable to bear children (to full term); we have 4 children in Heaven. My heart aches for you (just as many of your readers do, as expressed by them in their comments), but I am also elated that you too have received the peace that God provides to those who seek Him.

    I love the paragraph where you wrote, “There are other forms of motherhood…”. Perhaps each of the topics that followed that phrase would be food-for-thought for your future writing. There are so many children that would benefit from an additional father- or mother-figure in their lives, whether or not they have biological parents that are present and engaged with them. There are also many adults who would benefit from a father or mother in the faith, just as the apostle Paul was a father in the faith to Timothy.

    Lord Bless You, Sis!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi David, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I really appreciate your caring words. And I’m sorry that you and your wife can relate to this on such a personal level. Gosh, I can only imagine the difficulties of that journey. You’ve got a family reunion waiting for you in heaven 🙂 that’s very true – motherhood and fatherhood comes in all different forms, each just as meaningful and important as the other. Hugs and love xox

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  20. Beautifully expressed. My kindest wishes and prayers to you. In my heart, I feel I could never seek an abortion. I have had three healthy children and know how fortunate I’ve been. What I will not do, is take away a woman’s choice to have an abortion. God blessed us with free will, and whether or not I believe life begins at conception, is not my place to dictate to others. It is up to the woman and God.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers and kindness. I really appreciate you sharing your heart and your perspective. I sincerely enjoy hearing everyone’s different opinions and thoughts. It creates a really fruitful dialogue. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  21. One more time, dear Caralyn, I am blessed by your heart, and your willingness to be real. Thank you. I am a mother by adoption and by remarriage. I am also a spiritual mother to many, in a sense. In each of these roles I am truly blessed, and as you stated, am no less a mother in God’s eyes because I never bore children. But like you, for most of my adult life I longed to be able to bear a child, and knew God could perform miracles. At my age now, I wouldn’t wish for this gift, but am very grateful for the mothering God has given me to do. Such a reward! God bless you dear lady. He knows the desires of your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh gosh, you are so kind to say that. Thank you so much. Wow, what a beautiful journey you’ve had and youre right, your role as a mother is in no way less than or less of. I am so inspired by your story. Thank you for sharing it. You are a blessing to me 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  22. I’m sorry that you felt beat up by the people commenting on your feminism post. I agree with you – we have definitely made “feminism” more about trying to be more like men than celebrating the joy of being female. And since we are the gender that can bring forth life, what a wonderful thing to celebrate! The thing is that people get up in arms about feminism because of politics. Yes, there are differences in the world between men and women and some of those differences should be addressed, but that doesn’t mean forgetting that being female is a blessing and a wonder! I, at my much more advanced age than you, have never been able to bear children and never well. Its a very, VERY difficult thing but unless that’s a pain you’ve endured, it’s easy to get caught up in the if’s and but’s of the political arguments. Every single situation is different and we can’t regulate each situation. As Christians, all we can do is provide mercy and love for those who needed, not judge when the situation is something we don’t understand or agree with, and know that in the end, God is in control and He’s got this all figured out. I pray for you, my beautiful sister in Christ, that God will bless you with your hearts desire in ways you may never have imagined.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. it really means a lot. you’re right! we should celebrate it! A blessing and a wonder indeed 🙂 Im’ sorry that you can relate to this on such a personal level. And you’re right – we are called to love those who need it. God’s got it all in His hands. thanks for the kindness. big hugs xo

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  23. I applaud your bravery in publishing your commentary on feminism. I also have had similar thoughts and have not had the strength to publically announce them, even though I am a mother of 3 girls, (one daughter passed from congenital heart disease.) I resisted from stating my believes because I did anticipate strong backlash, and its hard to believe that such a gift can arouse such resentment from other women. I sympathize with you that your attempt to bestow honor onto women was met with unkindness and complacency for the gifts women have. And I hope for you that your earnest heart can someday provide you with that cherish gift of motherhood, but also remember so long as we strive to emulate our Blessed Mother Mary, we are all mothers in Christ.

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    1. Hi there friend, oh my gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. THat just absolutely breaks my heart. May she be resting in the tender and loving arms of Jesus. It always gives me comfort to know that we will be reunited with our loved ones in Heaven one day. I know that doesn’t make things hurt any less now, but gosh, my heart just goes out to you. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. you are a blessing to me. big hugs xo

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  26. What a touching post. I’m so sorry that some people can’t or won’t see the truth of what you say. As a mother of several, and now a grandma, I know for a fact that what you said was true. Having babies is what we were made for as women. It’s an undeniable fact of biology. That’s not slamming women who don’t want it, it’s just the honest truth. God bless you; I know He has mothering plans for your future, just as He did for Hannah in the Bible.

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  27. As you know… ALL things are possible with God and Sarah and Elisabeth, had gone through menopause and many other stories of women who could not conceive, conceiving through the promises of God and sharing your life and your heartaches will help so many others and help them heal and have courage to fight and He will Bless that and I know, as you said, one way or other He will Bless you, when the time it right. Because a beautiful broken heart is what God loves to bless most.

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  28. I ask myself a question: would I marry a woman who cannot give a birth? Yes, of course, because I am a Christian. For God marriage is a symbol of acceptance of humankind and God-Father. That is why marriage is holy. Natural wish to have own kids can be replaced with adoption of a child who was less fortunate than others. All for good 🙂

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    1. Oh my gosh this brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much. That is what I fear the most. And you just spoke into that part of my soul and affirmed it. So thank you so Much. The world needs more men like you!! Hugs and love xox

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  29. You seem like a very STRONG and BEAUTIFUL person!! Though I do feel that it is a womans body and she should have the right to abort ONLY if raped (that is my opinion) I do respect you and applaud you in sharing your story. I hope you know that not all women like me who are Pro-Choice are out to judge women such as yourself. We are all stronger united even amid our differences! Peace and Bliss to you always!

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    1. Oh Sara, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words and support. I totally agree – when we have a respectful and honest dialogue, we can seek understanding. If all comes down to love and respect 🙂 so glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox

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  30. Kudos to you for wanting to be a mother. One that is lacking among women nowadays. Rather it is viewed as a burden instead of a blessing. Don’t worry God always work in mysterious unexpected ways.

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  31. Reblogged this on The First Gleam of Dawn and commented:
    I’m thankful for this incredible woman sharing her journey and her faith.

    Excerpt from post: “And I know that that yearning and loss my heart has wrestled with, has added to the depth and character of my own feminine qualities. It has given me a perspective that I bring to each and every encounter I have. It is a “bag” – or a jewel, rather – that I carry with me on my journey.”

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  33. Thank you for this, BBB. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing so deep an issue. Thank you for the personal witness of your struggle and the long term effects it is having! Our actions have consequences – but our God is above it all. With God, nothing is impossible. And nothing we can ever do diminishes us in any way in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. As it has been pointed out – Beautiful growth happens in the valley; the mountain top, where we worship and praise our God, is barren! Romans 8:28 seems at times to be overused – but it is a reality of our Almighty, Eternal, Sovereign God – and one you will personally experience. Your confession of that deep seated hurt will now flower through all aspects of your life. “let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
    I have reblogged your post. I pray many others will, as well!

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    1. Gosh, thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. it truly means so much. I love that – our God *is* above it all, and He can and will do the impossible. I am holding fast to that hope. Thank you for sharing my blog too. You are a blessing to me. big hugs xox

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  34. Bless you for this post, Caralyn! I have been struggling with infertility since fall of 2013. We think we figured out the reason why last year (brain tumor), but we’re hoping to start trying again soon and that the Lord will bless us.
    I loved your feminism post. And I myself have mourned my infertility because it really does make you feel like less than a woman. Especially when you’re doing everything the doctor told you to do, being intimate with your husband at exactly the right times…only to wind up with nothing. I remember lamenting in my personal journal that how was I supposed to feel like a woman when I couldn’t do the basic thing a woman’s body, and only a woman’s body was specifically designed to do? Now, of course it’s a woman’s choice of whether or not she decides to pursue motherhood, but for those who do and can’t…it’s really heartbreaking. 💔

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    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. and oh my gosh, i am so sorry that you had to walk that road. Yes! Cling to that hope, because the Lord does work miracles and likes to bless His children. Those feelings definitely resonate in my heart. I just have to remember that my womanhood is fulfilled in Christ. I know that sounds so cheesy, but I am not less of a woman because of this challenge…or ANY challenge. I am fully woman because that worth and identity comes from Jesus and with His stamp of approval. Anyway, i hope i didn’t go too far there, but i just can empathize with those feelings of despair. hang in there my friend. know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. big hugs xox

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      1. Yes, the Lord is the worker of miracles! And He made us women, so miracles of a woman sort must be possible. Praise Him! 😊🙏🏻❤

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  35. I believe there were women in the bible who too were infertile, but God answered their prayers by allowing them to conceive. I believe Jacob’s infertile wife Rachel bore 2 sons, Joseph and Benjamin, Hannah bore Samuel, and Elizabeth bore John the Baptist. May God answer your prayers. Pray for me as well.

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  37. The world is full of opinions and opinions are formed in various ways. To me it’s the opinions from experience that I hold in the highest regard and young lady, you’ve had your share of life’ experience. Even with all the pain you have suffered, you have been able to endure and excel. You have been fortunate to have the love and compassion of family to help you persevere.

    It took me a couple of decades more than you to figure it all out. I didn’t have the love and support of my large family to help. I have spent a lifetime people pleasing and allowing myself to allow the actions and opinions of others to control and define my life.

    When we put our lives and opinions out here in the “Bloggasphere” we can expect to be hit hard by those that don’t agree, remember they are only words and we can not defend ourselves to everyone and only need to worry about the words of the One.

    Your words touch many. Sharing your life experience helps many. Most of all you are a ray of light too many who need it. XXXXX

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    1. Thanks so much for this encouragement. Yeah, I definitely have a lot to be grateful for. Even in trials and challenges, we can still find the good. My heart goes out to you friend. Know that you always have love and support from me 🙂 big hugs xox

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  38. By sharing your perspective, your history and personal truths, you’ve once again enlightened me. Although I can recall going to school with some girls who were rail thin, who got lectures from health teachers about it not being healthy, there wasn’t much education in the public (or private schools, for that matter) about anorexia or bulemia. It was never discussed in depth and I certainly was never aware of this side-effect.

    I agree that motherhood is indeed a gift to be either cherished or boxed up and set aside. Ideally, feminism is the empowerment to make that choice–with no recriminations.

    As for infertility being a permanent thing, I had a friend who was infertile. After many unsuccessful treatment attempts, she adopted a beautiful baby boy. Several months later she was able to conceive a child of her own. It just happened.

    I don’t know your paticular case. But I do now that miracles do happen. Whatever your future may hold, you have already taken great steps in your personal evolution and enlightnment. The world needs more parents who can think logically, love unconditionally and show empathy to others like you do.

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    1. Wow thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. And wow what a beautiful story of your friend’s family. I’m so happy for her that she was able to grow her family both with adoption and biologically. That’s so incredible. Thanks for sharing that. It gives me so much hope. Hugs and love xox

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  39. Thanks so much for being so brave as to share your thoughts on feminism and your personal struggles portrayed in this article. Both of them show the beautiful heart that you have. This is definitely something we need to talk about more as the lines seem to be becoming more blurry in our culture as to the uniqueness of God’s design for both man and woman. I know I don’t know you, but I wish I could give you a big hug right now as I could feel your pain through your words.

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  40. Thank you for this post once again. Helping as always. 😉
    Well, I am much older, in my fourties (what a terrible aspect of my life…) and I struggle hard with the same issue, that I will never be a mother, after loosing my child while it was still a cluster of cells and never tried again after that; it was a child to me nevertheless, and people thought I did not want it and all that, I wrote about it I think, and people(the muslim doctor saying, “now you can throw it away”) hurting me so terribly about being not someone who wants this whereas it was not true… I would have appreciated this child, what problems ever there might have been, and there would have been a ton of them.. and all that happened on Christmas! It destroyed me and am kind of destroyed by it ever since and will always stay destroyed because of it. I think though, wonders do still happen, just believe in it, everything can happen. I don’t know what God made to do this or let this happen, but we will never know… he must have had his reasons.
    Now of course it is too late for me and I will have to accept it. One way or the other. I’ve thrown away all books about pregnancy, children, and parenting. It was a relief to me in the end since hope that makes no sense only hurts much more. Sad enough that this is the only story about this I can tell, I’d rather tell another one… Having been a nanny to some children I know what I’ve lost…
    I want to hug you over this… it will come to a point where you can bear all this and where you will recover from that sadness in you. Because you are strong inside.

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    1. Oh friend I am sending you such a big hug. My heart absolutely breaks for you and I’m so sorry that you had to go through that pain. Gosh. Thank you for sharing it with me. I don’t pretend to know why God let’s bad things happen. I just don’t know. But I do trust that He will see you through the pain. You courage and strength is inspiring. Big hugs to you xo

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  41. Caralyn, Not sure if you received my comment…let me know if you did not and I will add it back in…thanks, Michael

    From: BeautyBeyondBones To: michaelsharrington@yahoo.com Sent: Thursday, March 30, 2017 4:00 PM Subject: [New post] Seeing RED  #yiv0474678478 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv0474678478 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv0474678478 a.yiv0474678478primaryactionlink:link, #yiv0474678478 a.yiv0474678478primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv0474678478 a.yiv0474678478primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv0474678478 a.yiv0474678478primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv0474678478 WordPress.com | beautybeyondbones posted: “*sigh* This post is going to be difficult to write.The saying goes, never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes…or something like that.And I’ve learned over the years that as much as I hate those cliched little nuggets, they actually” | |

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      1. Okay, here it is again, it vaporized: Dear Caralyn, it said :)—

        What a courageous piece! Realize that if you are stirring up strong responses, that means your writing has true power.

        A mysterious energy happen last night..I was between dream and waking and suddenly I was doing a distant astral-healing session ‘on you’. It was Reiki, the energy of Christ Consciousness, and while I was drawn to your abdomen, suddenly the energy called me to the lower back–the back side of what is called the 2nd chakra. You might want to explore chakra-energetics. You have obviously done some beautiful inner transformation work but as you know (me too) the body sometimes lags in response anything is possible! Besides being in touch with SOUL as you are, is much more important.

        This might seem a bit mystical or esoteric but you are a real sensitive and when you feel a psychic boundary intrusion, sweep your energy field clear with your hands or some sage and say “NO!” to the energy. This will help bring more awareness. It might take some practice but it will be helpful.

        All blessings and love, Michael

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      2. Thanks Michael! Sorry you had to resend that! I don’t know what happened there. But wow what an experience you had. Thank you for sharing that with me. You really spoke some kind words there. Thank you. And Thanks for that advice:) Hugs and love xox

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  42. I have been blessed by your post and the response of your other readers. Not to take anymore space than needed because what I might have said has been said already ~ just that I had ulcerative colitis when I was younger, but can only attribute the healing to our Lord. So, we cannot know that He will not give you children. He is still the God of miracles, the greatest of which, you are humbled and submissive, already submitted to His hands and will for whatever and however He has planned for you as His child. You are a perfect example for our series on Contentment. We are already praying for His blessings for you and if in His will, a husband and family to serve Him.

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    1. Thanks Fran. I’m so glad this hit home with you. Thank you for sharing your story. Yes! He IS the God of miracles and I am clinging to that hope. Thanks for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

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  43. Thank you for being bold enough to share your heart with others. Praying for your healing sweet one. A friend of mine was told years ago she couldn’t have children due to endometriosis. She now has SEVEN children. Our God is a god of miracles. I pray that He fulfills that motherhood longing in your heart. He sees you. He cares.

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  44. I am so so sorry for your situation. It was really brace to share with everyone. I’m heartbroken for you. There was a time after many years of trying that we thought we couldn’t have children either. I was determined to be a father no matter what, and would regularly tell my wife and others that we were either going to have children or get children. As in adoption. It was that important to me. We have friend and family members who have adopted children and they are just as much a blessing as biological children. In the end ivf worked for us, but the world is full of wonder and if a family is what you desire then it can happen. I really do feel for you though. A wonderful and heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you so much R. I really appreciate your kind words, and for sharing your story. I’m so glad that you were able to have children! that’s so great! you’re right – whether adoption or biological, children are blessings and parenting takes many different forms. thanks again xox

      Liked by 1 person

  46. It takes a lot to share your views, even if many disagree. You’re brave and awesome and I always look forward to our posts. Have a beautiful Saturday!

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  47. Oh, so very well spoken. Hugs and prayers for you, and you’re right, God is a God of miracles. I wouldn’t doubt his giving you one someday. I know a lady who had her tubes burned as a means of sterilization, yet she gave birth a few years later. Bless you for sharing, you may never know just who all you’ve touched with your courageous words!

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  48. Thank you for sharing this; you are a courageous, special person. I also believe in miracles; God knows our hearts, thoughts, and minds, giving us precisely what we need, when it is most needed.
    Matthew 19:26 – But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

    I pray God will bless you with a loving husband and many children, made in His image.

    Todd

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  49. You are such an amazing soul 👼👼👼 I’m sorry people gave you such a hard time about your post. You write from personal experience and you express yourself so beautifully, with feeling, and I love that about you. But I also love that you gracefully accepted and digested the feedback, and took into consideration others perspectives and opinions. It must have been an amazing Blog to stir up so much interest, good on you, loving, balanced and open in your response. Love your Blogs, such a beautiful heart, such an amazing woman. You are so right in knowing the end result is, it’s all in Gods hands, and your part is to trust and have faith that he will bring your hearts desires, just leave it up to Him, Perfect time, Perfect place 🤗🤗🤗 You will make a great mum one day, when your life is ready for that stage, and however that will be. God Bless ❤️❤️❤️

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    1. wow, thank you so much. you’re so kind to say that. I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying my blog! and amen to that : it’s in God’s hands. I need to remember that and trust in His perfect timing 🙂 big hugs to you xox

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