Little Space, Big Perspective

Oh NYC, how I’ve missed you!

I came in for a shoot this morning, which finished early. Placing me smack dab in midtown in the afternoon; right before the mad dash of suits leave the office for the day and clog the streets with over polished dress shoes and designer menswear.

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It’s was one of those New York spring days that you dream about when you’re snowed-in in February. Warm in the sun, with just the right amount of breeze to keep it comfortable.

And so I walked.

Took it all in. The different people. The smells. The various languages I heard bellowing from the storefronts. I was back.

There’s a way that New York makes you feel so small. Minuscule, looking up at the sky scrapers soaring one higher than the next, as though competing to pierce the sky. Meanwhile you’re just triumphant if you don’t get run over by foot traffic.

And yet, in the same breath, the city fills your sails and offers the possibility for greatness. For the realization of dreams. You can be anything or anyone you want to be here.

And as I was walking, I began to realize, that God has really been working on my heart in that last department: of who I want to be.

Because the truth is, over the last four months, helping my mom has been shaping me into who I want to be. Who God wants me to be.

I’ve discovered parts of my spirit that I didn’t really know existed. Things like, patience. Things like, flexibility. Things like, taking the back seat. Things that New York couldn’t teach me. Sure, New York taught me other things – like determination, perseverance, independence, confidence, scrappiness. Things that have forever positively changed who I am.

But this time at home is refining those things. Polishing them. Adding to them.

And I can tell. I can tell in how I am present, walking down the street. Literally stopping to smell the roses. Acknowledging a fellow pedestrian with a smile. Being filled with gratitude for the horns and the dog walkers and even the scaffolding. I mean, I even smiled at the GreenPeace sidewalk solicitors!! It’s as though the NY grittiness had been sanded away these past four months, revealing the tender heart once more.

God wastes nothing. I’ve learned that over and over and over again in my life.

He will take a season of strife and pain, and transform you through it. Day One is much different than Day 90, because each day, God equips you with what you need going forward for that day. It doesn’t necessarily get easier, it just gets different. A good different.

Before my mom’s stoke, my greatest fear was that I would lose one of my parents before it was “time.” You know? And I’m even getting choked up just thinking about it. But the thought of not having one of them in my life was enough to bring me to my knees.

Living through this past season, I’ve had to face that – a fraction of it, sure – but every day, just waking up and saying, Lord, get me through today. Lord, help me to not fear the present. Help me to not fear the future. Help me to appreciate the small details of the now. The things I do have. The gifts that are in front of me, that are given to me by You. Lord, get me through today. 

And He did.

He got me through it by transforming me.

And it’s just so interesting to experience the reverberations of that transformation, here, in the city that first set my heart free.

It’s just…interesting to be here with a transformed heart, being free.

Sometimes all we need is a little space to get a big perspective.

God’s funny like that.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

183 thoughts on “Little Space, Big Perspective

  1. It is so wonderful God reaches out to us. There is a song by the Christian band FFH, called In this Moment. No matter where we are. No matter how big or how small we feel. God will always seek us. In the quiet. In the loud. When we are humble, and when we are proud. May God continue to open your eyes, soften your heart, and strengthen your faith. Always, 🙂 T. R. Noble

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I lived in NYC, I would attend the Easter service at St. Thomas’ (doubter that I am), then walked up through Central Park. The day was always delicious, warm, and full of the colors of Spring, a season of transformation.
    Oscar

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  3. You write so incredibly well and encourage so many! It’s amazing what God produces through pain. I truly believe the greatest of miracles is the one in the heart! You seem like a wonderful daughter and I can’t imagine how pleased our Savior is when He watches you serve and love your precious mom! Blessings to you, sweet one and carry on!! You are so gifted!
    “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character and character, hope…” Romans 5:3-4

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love this article.I like how you can articulate your emotions and feelings and make others “feel” your experiences while bringing us into your world and even teaching us, a little at a time. of His word.
    As always, let God shine through 🙂

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      1. With all of your followers and the articles that you put out – I should be thanking you for stopping by and reading my posts. I am truly humbled 🙂

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  5. Amen. On Thu, Apr 20, 2017 at 4:05 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Oh NYC, how I’ve missed you! I came in for a > shoot this morning, which finished early. Placing me smack dab in midtown > in the afternoon; right before the mad dash of suits leave the office for > the day and clog the streets with over polished dress shoes a” >

    Like

  6. Oh Caralyn! How the Lord delights in you – and how you lift my spirits with every.single. blog entry! You are truly such a blessing to so many, and I am so priveleged to count myself among them! Keep pouring Him out into the blogsphere! 🙂

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  7. Pardon my intrusion Miss. I am new to blogging, and not one to bring attention to myself, which quite honestly is why I commented on this post of yours instead of your current post. Still, I wish to tell you how much I appreciate your words and testimony. I too appreciate the heart all of these posts come from.

    Kindest thoughts,

    Like

  8. I believe in God too. 25 and the spirit brought us undeniably together at 21 and was raised agnostic but im so blessed to have gotten to know Him, His love, and have a relationship with our heavenly Father. And im a recovering heroin addict and in recovery for anorexia and bulimia. You’re beautiful and I love your blog. Also I’d kill to be in NYC. I want to move to Brooklyn so bad but I can’t afford to exist. Haha. Keep up the writing love God bless

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    1. You’re story is so inspiring, Aibon. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. Yes! We are so lucky to know His love and saving hand. Hang in there friend. Know that I’m praying for you and cheering you on in your recovery. Rock on!! ❤❤❤

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  9. Such a beautiful, encouraging, uplifting post. And I LOVED the vivid descriptions of NYC! It’s on my bucket list. 🙂 You are so strong!

    Like

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