“The One That Got Away”

It’s funny how life hits you over the head with some things sometimes.

At least until you get the point.

And let’s just say, I’m nursing a pretty big welt on my noggin from where I’ve been repeatedly struck.


Metaphorically, of course. Although, at this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if it becomes physical, too.

I’m going to say something, and I realize that it’s going to sound a little…well…ugly, and please just take it in the sense that it was meant.


I’ve been told, many times in my life, that I’ve been “the one who got away.”

In fact, one of these ways is in a song you can hear on the radio right now…

But that story’s for another day…

But apparently, that’s the role I’ve been cast in so far in life…the one who got away.

And this weekend, God kinda smacked me upside the head with that.

Three times…One weekend…Face to face with three guys, with whom, I’ve had romantic “undefined/unstatus’d-things” with. Except now, they’re all either in serious relationships or engaged.

God confronted me with that while I’ve been in NYC.


And it didn’t feel so nice.

In fact, I wrote a pretty raw blog post at 4:30am one night, bawling my eyes out, after spending time with that boy, now engaged, and I was going to publish it, but it felt a little too indulgent. Maybe I’ll share it over on Patreon…

But here’s a little glimpse into that headspace:

A big part of me wants to just say, “We could have had it all. It should have been us. I wish you would have known.” I’d take him aside and just bear my soul, tell him that I’ve loved him from Day One and that I’m sad he’s getting married, because I could have made him the happiest man in the world. That we would have been so right. That it was supposed to be us. He knows it. I know it. It’s undeniable.

But I can’t. We cannot be. We will never be.

And I’m sitting here doing all I can to come to terms with that. In a puddle, just trying to say that I trust all that God has in store for me, but I just don’t know how, because this hurts so much.

And so I’ll put on a stoic face, and tell you how f%@#ing happy I am for you, and see the longing in your eyes, knowing that we will never be.

I told you…it was raw.

I have lived hard and fast by the rule that a lady should never show her cards. Keep her heart close to her chest, and for the love of all things good, play hard to get. But you know what? That has gotten me nowhere.

And in fact, this weekend, I have been shown just how detrimental that’s been. How regressive. How hindering.

I’ve been barricading my heart from letting someone in.

And it’s time I stop.

Don’t do that no mo’.


I’m not talking about running around and giving my heart [or body for that matter] to any boy who gives me butterflies. But it’s time to start giving my heart a voice.

And not just on a blog.

I’m talking, in the flesh, in a vulnerable conversation where real feelings and reputations are at stake.

I don’t want to be “the one who got away” anymore.

I don’t want to look across the room at a guy, and hold that longing look of – we could have been right for each other, but now it’s too late. 

Because that look, it doesn’t feel good. Sucks for everyone involved.

Being “the one who got away,” involves the choice of going away. Involves the decision to run. To turn away. Close off. Say no.

And maybe that makes a great plotline for a romantic chick flick, with Prince Charming running after his damsel in destress. But the fact is, life is not a movie and guys don’t like rejection. Even if it isn’t overtly so.

Perhaps I’ve had these three interactions this weekend to show that, it’s time I start saying “Yes.” Time I start opening up. Showing my cards.

Because what they don’t tell you, is the “the one who got away,” is moreoftenthannot alone.

I don’t pretend to know a lot of things, but one thing I do know, is that God will keep trying to get a message through to you until it clicks.

And I guess it took these three run-ins with past flames to show me that if I want love, I have to allow it to happen. Express how I feel and let someone get close to me, and perhaps…be a little more deliberate in that department.

Long and short: I have to give a little.

Give a little more of my heart.

That sounds like it should be a Gloria Estefan song.


I guess I’ll just leave you with that 🙂

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

319 thoughts on ““The One That Got Away”

  1. I really dig this BLOG. Yup, He does — He keeps at you until you get it right — you’re smart you know that about Him — many people don’t, and they go through their entire life miserable and full of unanswered questions that haunt them.

    It’s good that you opened up a bit to those guys that deserve you. Of course, within proper amounts and time. You will know the amount and time as you get to know the guy. You’ve conquered the big step — the importance of be honest with yourself, knowing your short-coming, and addressing it.

    I always believe that I be the best BF I can be, that way, when the relationship ends, I have no regrets and can move on the the next. As long as I gave my best to the her and the relationship, I feel groovy and emotionally healthy.

    I am He is working with you on this — most importantly, I am happy to read your aware of His presence in your life.


    1. Thanks so much for this awesome perspective, Alfonso. That’s a truly great way to approach relationships. If you can walk away emotionally healthy, then you’re definitely doing something right!! 🙂 How’s the filming going? I’ve been thinking about you and the exciting projects you’ve got in the hopper! hugs xox


      1. Howdy! Thanks. I just finished acting in one awesome feel I really dig cuz it was outside my casting.

        LuLu Land is coming up for auditions, and my manager has you on his radar for audition; so, he will reach out to you once we get into casting.

        You popped in my mind many times — I always wish you well with you and your mum and your present journey — I realize you might be, at times, overwhelmed, which is a good thing — it means growth and strength. He is working with you — it can be tough…I know…I’ve been through it many times in my past, and I going through it right now…trust me, it’s all good!

        Feel free to text me; I will keep you posted with updates on the movie.

        Also, I think you should submit for some stuff I found out about in TV Land. Text me if you’re interested in submitting.

        /s/ Alfonso


      2. Thanks again, Alfonso. Yes to all! I’m definitely looking for more opportunities as I transition back to nyc full time in the next couple weeks. And hang in there. I’ll definitely keep you in my prayers 🙂 I’ll shoot ya a text here soon! have a great night!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Its weird seeing a man post about being the one who got away. Thats why i dont. Lol im that guy to several women. Not because i never chose to let love in, but more of because women are the ones to push away. Everything you say here is so true to life. Women push away hard when they see a good thing because they say its too good that it cant be good for them if its so easy. Love should be easy you know? Anyway yeah i feel it from both sides of this spectrum as when ive talked with some women later in life they tell me now, i was the one who got away that couldve made them happy. Life happy. Its wild. But anyway thx for the read it was great!


  3. True love is letting someone see the real you — your heart as it were —, not the mask of who we think we should be, that we create for the world to see. The thing that is a bit silly (and we all do it, so don’t think I’m singling you out or attacking you), is why would we want someone to fall in love with who we aren’t? Even if they loved the mask we showed them, it isn’t us, at least not in fullness.

    Love is pain (okay, that is mostly a stolen line from The Princess Bride). You will get hurt more than you have ever known, but that is how you know it is real. There is no love without pain because you have removed your heart and placed it in another’s hands, trusting the other person to handle it gently. Which makes absolutely no sense. But to at least fully steal another line from The Princess Bride, “Love is many things, none of them logical.”

    Let someone into that castle you built to try and protect yourself. Pull down the bricks. The walls become our tombs, and while you will never be hurt within them, you will become a corpse: safe and dead. I know it made sense to build them at one time; I built more than enough of my own in life, but there is a time to build and time to tear down.

    Don’t give up on the fairy tale yet. No, things don’t work out like in the movies; when we push people away and reject them, they may not come back. But don’t chase someone else’s fairy tale. Don’t try to be the next Belle or Snow White. You are you. Write your own fairy tale with your own prince.

    Let your heart be wild. Let it be free. Give ALL of your heart, or give none of it. As long as you give only a part of your heart, you will only find a part of love.

    Above all, you are worth being loved, and I hope you realize that. Even if you do, it doesn’t hurt to hear it. We have never met, but I am certain of that much just from reading your writings.


    1. This is such a beautiful response. Thank you so much, I am so touched by your kind words. Let my heart be wild and free – I love that. Thanks again for this wonderful encouragement. It gives me so much hope! big hugs xox


  4. For what it is worth, I thought I had a TOTGA many years ago. She apparently thought I was her TOTGA, too.

    I had let her go when she got engaged to someone else…. A little over three and half years into her marriage, she called me out of the blue and told me I was TOTGA. The long and short, she got divorced, we got together, had two beautiful girls together, experienced life’s ups and downs, and during a major down (leaving a horrible job) she asked me for a divorce just shy of our eleven-year anniversary. Turns out, she reached out to her TOTGA #2, who she recently wed.

    Telling you all this because it’s not, in my opinion, always a TOTGA situation especially when your TOTGA is married.

    Had I thought long and hard, listened to others and prayed about whether or not her coming back into my life was part of God’s plan for me, I might have avoided a lot of troubles and pain my marriage and divorce caused not only me, but most importantly my children.

    Maybe being someone’s “the one that got away” is a blessing rather than a curse.


    1. Thanks you so much for sharing this. Gosh I’m so sorry for that roller coaster of emotions. It sounds like you’ve gained a lot of wisdom from that difficult situation. Sending so much love and hugs xox


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