Sometimes I am really blown away by people.
In a good way.
Not in a Kendall Jenner, Pepsi/Fyre Festival fiasco sort of way…
My best friend said the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me the other night.
We were sitting at a bar, and she proceeded to floor me with kindness.
And honestly, I’d muuuuch rather be self-deprecating than self-affirming, but I’ve decided to share this with you to show the full circle that God has brought me on.
She looked at me and said, “I’ve finally figured you out.”
And I asked her, “What do you mean?”
She said, “Caralyn, I’ve been your best friend since we were seven, and I’ve seen people just be drawn to you. Attracted to you. And I could never pinpoint what that “it factor” was. But I’ve finally figured it out. You’re the only person I’ve ever met with this characteristic, but you’re yellow.“
And I kind of looked at her puzzled. I mean I know I eat a lot of carrots as a vegan, but…yellow?
And she said that I give off the color yellow. That I’m kind, effervescent, and joyful, and people are drawn to my “yellow.” That they are attracted to the warmth and light of my “yellow” because it makes them feel warm, and good.
And I just looked at her almost in disbelief, taken aback by the incredibly generous affirmation my best friend just blessed me with.
“You’re my ‘yellow’ girl. You’re rare and beautiful. Make sure you find a guy who is deserving of your ‘yellow.'”
So why did I tell you this? Because I can assure you, my skin is crawling and I’ve getting stress hives with the level of rodomontade in this post. But allow me to just take you back for a quick moment.
Let me set the scene.
10 years ago. To the day. Yes, today is the ten year anniversary of when I went to inpatient treatment for my anorexia. And one of the most defining moments at inpatient was during family week. We were each asked to make an art project depicting how the eating disorder effected us personally.
And I remember exactly what I made, because there was no doubt in my mind as to how the eating disorder impacted me.
I made a black coffin out of construction paper, representing my anorexia. And then inside the coffin, I put all different colors of confetti.
The eating disorder killed my colors.
I have always been a vivacious, fun loving, spunky, full of life – and full of color – girl. But my anorexia wiped out all the color in my life. It shrouded my life with a blanket of darkness.
And the thing is, I never thought I would be able to regain it. The pallor of my existence seemed too despairing to be able to imagine a life in color again. And even during much of my recovery, I felt as though I was still missing that vibrancy. I was a muted version of who I was. Of who God made me to be.
So wouldn’t you know, that on the eve of my 10 year recovery anniversary, that my best friend, who has known me through all stages – all colors – of my life, would tell me that I’m the only yellow person that she knows, it made me just smile at the goodness of God.
He has brought me full circle.
Ten years later, he has restored me. Brought me back to who I was. And confirmed it through my best friend in the whole world. I had never told her about that episode with the family week art project. She didn’t know that “colors” were anything meaningful to me. It was just from her heart. And, I believe, how God encouraged me and recognized my anniversary weekend.
The journey of recovery is long and arduous. And one that I haven’t been alone on. God has been rebuilding me, brick by brick, every day, a little more and more vibrant. You can’t always see your own progress, but others can. Especially your best friend.
Restoration is possible. Even when it seems unimaginable, nothing is impossible for God. And I’m sitting here, ten years later, confirming just that.
I’ve got my yellow back.
@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram
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