Taking Myself Out of the Picture 

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Well, here we are, trudging through May.

Somehow, we’re already on the second week, and if you’re feeling like time is traveling at breakneck speed, then get in line.

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I’ve received a lot of messages from thoughtful, lovely humans asking how my mom is doing in her stroke recovery. And, honestly, she’s doing amazing. She is my hero, and has made a remarkable recovery so far.

But reflecting on her journey, since that fateful evening, December 27, I’ve also done some reflecting on my own journey.

I’ve learned a lot of things. Some pretty important – like relearning how to drive a car. Because yes, the stereotype is true that New Yorkers don’t know how to drive. Some trivial, like never to take an Aspirin on an empty stomach.

But if I were to boil down the biggest thing I’ve learned from this journey so far, besides the obvious one of “trust God,” it’s this:

Life exists for more than just you.

Often times, I’d catch myself getting inside my own head. I’d be feeling annoyed or exhausted, or emotionally spent and frazzled with absolutely zero patience left, and God would remind me to step outside myself.

I’d be reminded that life exists for more than just me. Sure, maybe I’m feeling this way, but how is my mom feeling? Think about what she is going through right now, and have some compassion. My patience and my love to her costs me nothing, and means everything to her.

Or, realizing that other people are going through things too, and my actions can actually positively impact another person, who could really need it: Things like emptying the dishwasher or refilling pill containers, or even just a deliberate smile. Little things that no one needs to know, that can help life operate smoothly for someone else.

I’ve learned that I need to take my focus off of myself – even just to ask one question: how do I think _______ feels?

I never really thought of myself as a self-centered person before this. But, it turns out, that when you’re a single, independent young woman with no roommates, living in NYC, your life is pretty self-focused, no matter which way you slice it. Even if it is not your intention. Because, really, aside from work and your boss, you pretty much are free to live your life how you want it.

You don’t have to report to anyone, you’re free to eat what you want, when you want, go to bed when you want. You’re free to watch what you want on TV, be social when you want, yadda yadda yadda. You get the picture.

Taking myself out of my central focus changed things. It changed me. Changed my heart.

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Because every time I’d respond to one of those “out-of-myself”-moments, and check in with my mom, she’d say something so simple and profound, and I’d walk away having a totally different perspective on things.

I’d walk away realizing fully that life really does exist for more than just me.

But what’s more, is that when we live with consideration for others, God really does change our hearts. He gives us a peace and joy that only comes from loving others. Because after all, whatever we do to even the least of these, we do to Him. (Matt 25:40)

Loving others, and keeping others in our minds – it’s a form of worship. Service is worship, because in giving of ourselves to others, we are giving ourselves to Him.


It turns out, all of the living-for-myself that I was doing in NYC – all the ways I thought I was free – are merely a superficial placeholder for true freedom.

The true freedom that Jesus calls us to is a counter-intuitive notion. Because the freedom He gives is the freedom that comes from obedience.

And what did He call us to do?

“Use your freedom to… serve one another humbly in love. “ (Gal 5:13)

Turns out that freedom is not the lack of a curfew. Or the control of the Netflix queue.

Turns out its giving of yourself without fear.


Kindness is free. Compassion costs nothing.

And in giving, we end up receiving the greatest gift of all.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

247 thoughts on “Taking Myself Out of the Picture ”

  1. Life is a balancing act between the self and helping others. Totally ignored, both sides suffer greatly. Totally indulged, the other side is being ignored! You feel with your heart for a reason…the mind can’t do all the living 😍

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I’m a very self centred person a lot of the time sometimes I don’t care but sometimes I feel it a hate it I know it seems to be taking forever to go but I should trust god is going to change my heart for the better, I love those photos of you you’re possibly one of the most beautiful humans I know inside and outside that smile and those eyes never fail in making me smile and heart go mushy 🙈🙊 I love your friendship so much, sometimes it breaks my heart knowing we can’t meet like your a few hours away, really hope mum is doing OK she has such an amazing daughter but I’m sure she knows that ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hey Benjamin! Thanks for sharing that. I think you’re right – trusting God does change the heart. And wow what a kind thing to say. Thank you. And I agree! I’m so grateful for our friendship! Have a beautiful week! Big big hugs

      Like

  5. “Loving others, and keeping others in our minds – it’s a form of worship. Service is worship, because in giving of ourselves to others, we are giving ourselves to Him.” That is such a beautiful thought.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Ok, first being a single, independent person does not make you a self-centered one. I’m sure you did service work and helped others before your mom became ill. There are many married, coupled, “roommated” people out there who are very self-centered…Trust and believe! Just because there is not someone for you to “answer to” does not make you or anyone self-centered. Many people don’t really understand what it means to be self-centered. Taking care of yourself does not make a person,self-centered. Being uncoupled or childless (God forbid) does not make you self-centered. It makes you uncoupled and childless..that’s it. The definition of self-centered is: concerned solely or chiefly with one’s own interests, welfare, etc.; engrossed in self; selfish; egotistical. If that fits you then own it. If not, don’t claim it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Tammi, for sharing this powerful perspective. You’re right, ones position in life and their roommate situation does not necessarily make them self centered. That was not my intention. I’m sorry if I offended you. Lots of really great food for thought. Thanks for sharing that:) big hugs to you xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Totally wasn’t offended. As a busy single person I hear all too often how selfish single people are just because we’re single. It’s insanity. But I wasn’t offended in the least. It’s all good.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I believe that self-centeredness (if that is a word) comes naturally to us and is usually only tempered when we have someone who truly depends on us. And not always even then.
    A beautiful post.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. This triggered something: I’ve been following PMu, and she had a doodle with a quote from Frank Herbert: “Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find true liberty.” As you celebrate it here, unconditional love is the greatest discipline.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Brilliant piece – a wonderful reminder of how to be ‘lost and found’ and how very important it is not to look upon ourselves as the center of the universe – an easy pit to fall into, even subconsciously!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Yes (: Empathy, awareness.. sensitivity. I tend to be empathetic and I can be very sensitive to people physically around me but I’m not generally sensitively empathetic–as in if there’s anything going on under the surface I’m probably not going to pick up on it unless it’s obvious, maybe Father will develop that further, but I think just being more intentional about having that sensitivity could help a lot of those of us stuck in our own heads.

    The biggest thing that comes to my mind, of course, is we were created for community. We were created to share in the ultimate community of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, so to live outside of that community takes our potential away from the community and the community’s potential away from us. We all have so much to give, and we all have so much that we could receive by simply…engaging in what Father created us for. That’s the heart of serving in love, being one with each other and being one with Father. And when you say worship… it kind of just dawned on me. Worship is speaking love to Father, nothing less. Anything we do (and what we desire to do) in worship is part of our love language, how we speak love–and not only to Father but also of course to the people around us, to our community, to our family–because let’s face it, family is the ultimate community. Weeoww 😀

    Ah, your post sparked so much today even in spite of my over-tired brain 🙂 Thanks for sharing!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Carson! Yeah intentionality is something I definitely need to work on too. And amen! We *are* created for community. Yes! We hall have so much to give to one another and so much to learn from another too. So so much good content in this awesome reflection. Thank you so much:) big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  13. A wonderful post on growing in the Lord. He teaches us through experiences things we could never learn ourselves. The people around us, annoying people, rude people, sad people or sick people. They all have something to teach us about being a follower of Jesus. He has his share of people too! I look to him to see how to treat others.

    I remember the day I held my first-born in my arms I realized I had only been living for myself. Now there was a life depending on me. It was a powerful revelation to me at 19. For the first time, I was thinking of someone else before myself.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. True, we were not created to sit in the Himalayas and seek a selfish truth, we were meant to interact in society and bring benefit to those around us as we can. Sometimes that may only be a cheery smile! 🙂 In the process we in turn are blessed.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Might be a duplicate, if so please delete one. Your love and beauty is affecting the lives of other people as your compassion shines. You are living out a powerful and affirming testimony. You are living out Rick Warrens book, It’s Not About Me. I will continue for you to be anointed and blessed as you comfort those in need. God may be preparing you to be a pastor. Only the few who are Holy and anointed are guided down that path of service. So proud of you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Rick. Wow that’s so kind of you to say. Oh neat! I’ll have to check out that book. I am truly humbled by your generous words, my friend. God is good. And I thank Him for your friendship! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  16. Oh my word, what a convicting post. I never thought of myself as self centered, except now that I have been experiencing mental illness first hand for months now, I am realizing how much I am in my own head, not really noticing how my own problems are affecting those around me. I’m so stuck in my own head to even think about how my kids and hubby must feel. Thank you

    Liked by 2 people

    1. gosh, thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection. Yeah, I’ve really been forced to step outside my head in these past months, because I’m right there with ya! Thanks for stopping by! big hugs xo

      Like

  17. You won’t be surprised that I read this post thinking about how this connects to your desire for a husband. Looks like God has created a space in you life and heart that would welcome one and allow you to focus outward and inward both.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you much 🙂 awww, Elizabeth, you have such a wonderful heart. Yes! Wouldn’t that be incredible. I do believe and trust that God is preparing my heart for a husband right in the moment. That and I have three different people trying to set me up with three different guys!!! haha thanks again for stopping by! big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, Madeline, I love how you put that. You’re so right – it can create room for love to blossom. Gosh, that gives me so much hope. thanks for sharing that! big big hugs xox

      Like

  20. Glad you made it to the bakery OK with your driving skills!! Or lack of!

    Listen, kiddo, don’t be too hard on yourself with the “self-centered” tag. You show your readers a lot of kindness. You’ve been kind to me. I think it’s a matter of…training. Living alone, you are trained to just look out for you simply because no one else is there. Can’t be helped. The only time you really should be labeled “self-centered” is when you don’t figure that out in a timely fashion. But you seem to have done that, so…

    More at Patreon…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Jeffrey! hahah yeah, my driving skills were *rough* when I got home. hahah thanks for this encouragement. I like that: training. It’s all about training. And yes, a timely fashion. Looking forward to reading it 🙂 big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Not familiar with “spear chucker?” As in, “I had a non-speaking role in Julius Caesar; a soldier. Carrying a spear. Waaay upstage.” In film parlance, a “background artist.” Henry V – He is likely the greatest king in England’s history. His tomb is in Westminster, above and behind the coronation throne. At least when I saw it years ago. I researched him for my master’s thesis as I did the wooing scene toward the end. Henry has just kicked the French King’s rear, and now he wants to marry his daughter. It really is a fun, cute piece. If you look for a movie version, just stay away from Kenneth Branagh’s version; he wasn’t strong enough to pull it off. We will continue to work on your Shakespeare education and movie history! JK New assignments: Much Ado About Nothing with Denzel Washington and Keanu Reeves, then Hamlet with Mel Gibson and Glen Close. Watch them with your mom, eh?

        Listen; you are a good person, not selfish at all. If you were selfish, you’d still be in New York and not with your mom. Just keep doing what you do…especially being that prophet we all appreciate so much!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahah yeah I definitely need to work on my Shakespeare education. I think I’m revealing to you more and more how lacking my knowledge is on things that truly I have no excuse not knowing! Haha that’s a great idea. Classic movie night with mom 🙂 thanks again Jeff. I am humbled by your kindness. Hugs and love xox

        Liked by 1 person

  22. Good reminder.

    Sometimes when I get discouraged about not having a family of my own, I remember that, as a teacher, I have had the privilege of influencing the lives of hundreds of children. That definitely feels like taking the focus off of what I want and on to what I am doing for others.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. You don’t sound self centered at all- you sound kind, caring, compassionate, generous, and kind you have such a beautiful heart. So glad to hear your mom is doing well! I’ll be praying for you both! ❤❤

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Hugs!!! Love your spirit and am so happy you get humbleness. It is huge!!!!! You continue to amaze me and I smile that our journeys happened to cross. Love and am honored that you share with me. 🙂 XO

    Liked by 2 people

  32. You are such a Beautiful Beloved! So honored to have such an amazingly talented, gifted and inspirational Sista on the east coast. I pray God continues to expand your writings all over the world; they need to be heard.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. I think you touched on a belief there about millennials. The me generation. I sat in Flagstaff working on my truck and the mechanic just looked at me and asked how I knew this stuff. It took him years to learn. Necessity. We cannot ask for what we do not know but can we blame ourselves for that, also? That kind of guilt is what kept my generation in check. We were told it was our fault for our situation in public school. Ridiculed for free lunches and bus tokens. Allowed access to university but no one could afford it. haha. Oh well.

    These gaps are everywhere in life. I’m glad the next generation had it easier. So much that it appears its all about them. Life, is short. I’ve worked hard all my life it makes no difference and no one owes me more or less for my efforts. Its just, life. When we stop measuring life we start living our own. Sure, I won’t see a lot of things, oh well.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. This is such a powerful Perspective. Thank you for sharing it. “No one owes me more of less for my efforts…” that is a very eye opening way to look at things. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

      Like

      1. No on can be you. I feel, like you’re moving toward something very different and it’s more inclusive of others. I do feel like you discredit your own efforts but self deprecation can be, attractive. Living inside your head isn’t all that bad. I would not have much of a life, otherwise.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I know your goal is a future husband but, do it for yourself. When I look at my ex wife, I remember what we had but I know who I am now. We had different needs; I needed nothing just love and a family.

        Liked by 1 person

  37. I have to intentionally move my center away from self daily. Nothing is less satisfying than living for self. Even if a person does not believe in God, building a life around self is missing the mark and contentment will evade them. For me, centering life around God and attempting to see what he sees in those I interact with, gives me joy in life. It also defines purpose in life.

    Still, I am prone to gravitate away from that joy and withdraw into myself. So, daily, sometimes hourly, moments of honest reflection and a willingness to move away from a world with me at the center, are crucial for my recovery and for having a meaningful life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Mike! Thanks so much for this thoughtful reflection. You’re so right, it’s a hollow existence when you’re the only one you’re living for. Same here. It’s a daily thing for me to shift away from thinking about me Me me 🙂 thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  38. Thank you for this post. I’ve been doing that myself–i.e. focusing on me. As the sole caregiver for my mom, and working a full-time job, I’ve been finding that time is so, so scarce . . . for me. Your post has made me refocus, at a time when I REALLY need to. Thank you for putting life (me and Mom) into [better] perspective. God Bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Such a powerful message and one that hits home right now. Since my Mom moved in with me a little over 2 years ago, I’ve been focusing on all the changes this has brought to my life, focusing on what I miss about my life before she moved in rather than the positive change of having her close all the time now. Mom’s a healthy and spunky 71 year old. That’s something to be thankful for in itself…and reason enough to come out of my own head and shift my focus to the world around me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Lisa. I really appreciate you sharing your story. Wow what a beautiful gift you’re giving your mom. That’s a powerful perspective. I’ll definitely keep you and your mom and family in my thoughts and prayers as you adjust to the new normal 🙂 big hugs xox

      Like

  40. These are marvelous thoughts on the discipline of service. By and large we are taught by everything in the world around us that we are number one. Care of self is the only thing that matters and that self help is the purpose of life. But Christianity is counter-intuitive at its root. The greatest among us is the servant of all. Now if trying to practice that statement doesn’t crucify the sin nature inside of us nothing will. Can I reblog this?

    Liked by 2 people

  41. Hi dear. It’s been such along time since I was able to read and enjoy one of your blogs. I’ve had a slew of sicknesses that came into my family, besides my daughter battling Ovarian Cancer for 10 months. But I love this post.

    My daughter went back to work yesterday May 8, 2017. God is truly great. She has changed from this ordeal, but that’s good, too. I hope that your mom is getting better and better. Keep us in your prayers. I pray for you whenever I think of you. Have a great day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by. gosh, I’m so sorry to heart about your daughter’s cancer battle. I will definitely keep her and you and your whole family in my thoughts and prayers. And thank you for your prayers. you are a blessing to me 🙂 big hugs xo

      Like

  44. My dear friend,

    To arrive to the conclusion that there is more than just I is a good way to find the answer in life what really matters: if we focus to ourselves, we only see ourselves, we surely do not have this compassion as if we serve others in their needs. There are two ways: One way goes to oneself and the other goes to others. There is not really help when going to ourselves (ego-turned) but when helping others we feel the mirror picture of ourselves, as the other is part of us – so we get to know ourselves by the reflection of others. Some holy Saint said: “The deepest knowledge lies in the fact of serving man” – and service to man it service to God, is service to mankind and country. On this road of helping other people in need we also have to be careful that our own pride will not come to shine in foreground – then we say: “we have done somethings and are proud of it” But in all humbleness not to expect even a thank and do the work of without wanting anything in reurn – this is the real noble work of a selfless help. These things are becoming more and more subtle and we have to give attention to it that our mind will not eat the fruit of our service done to others. Then all thank and credit goes to God.

    Thank you very much for sharing it and I am happy for your help to your mother 🙂
    Hugs
    Didi

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Didi, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. Wow i love that : we get to know ourselves by the reflection of others. how true is that! And you’re so right, we have to seek humility in service as well. thanks for this beautiful food for thought. big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  45. Your post is inspiring and very well said. Thank you for sharing it with me. I hope that your mom continues to recover and will be back to her old self before too long. God bless you both.

    Liked by 2 people

  47. “But what’s more, is that when we live with consideration for others, God really does change our hearts. He gives us a peace and joy that only comes from loving others.” Wonderful insight because that is truly what happens. God does change our heart so that we are more like His Son. The Holy Spirit is transforming us into the image of Christ, and that truly does bring us closer to God. I am so thankful that your mother is doing well, and I am quite sure that it her recovery is aided greatly by your compassionate care for her. Blessings to you today as you live a life of ministry for our Lord, no matter what you are doing.

    Liked by 2 people

  48. We all have our self-centered times. That’s easy. The hard part is acknowledging it. Your journey is helping you to become quite a mature, caring person, with a focus in the right place.

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  50. Sounds like you’ve really become converted to your book-learned Christianity. I’m just wonderin’ how you do in the real world of actually living your religion, and not just pasting it on a bulletin board?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Dan, thanks for this question. I feel great. It is the way I get through life. It gives me peace and purpose and helps me to see outside of myself. It saved my life from my anorexia, and has helped me navigate this terrifying season with my mom. It’s not just something i paste on a “bulletin board.” It’s in my heart. Thanks for stopping by.

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