Guarding My Heart: Redefined

There are certain things that I’ve vowed never to do again…

Number one: Drink tequila on an empty stomach.

Number two: Google myself.

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Number three: Look up ex-boyfriends on Facebook.

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Because let me tell you, it is a swift punch in the gut to see what they’re up to and who they ended up with. Just heart ache that I’d rather not have to deal with, you know?

So I’ve made Facebook a safe zone…not even Zuckerberg-style “Friends” with them on there.

However…music is still a crap shoot.

Because sometimes, you’ll be listening to the singer/songwriter station, and you’ll get accosted by The Song. And this one in particular, is Howie Day’s Collide. It was our song.

And it came on tonight. Just a little while ago, actually.

And to be totally honest, I had another post planned for tonight…but that was until I heard this 00’s angsty crooner, and was fighting back tears.

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And as I was sitting in the car, in the garage, feeling this rush of a myriad of emotions, I found myself grappling with this one thought:

Giving my heart away.

What was the price? Because, honestly, getting verklempt every time that dumb song comes on certainly seems a bit much, right?

Was it worth it?

It’s no secret on here that I’m saving sex until marriage.

Yeah, you read that correctly…I’m a virgin….

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But just because I haven’t given my body away, doesn’t mean that I haven’t given parts of my heart away.

And was it worth it?

*Sigh* That is a tough question. And, I don’t know if it’s the 2 vodka/sodas I had with my sister-in-law tonight, or my present emotional conundrum, but it’s 1am, and it’s literally keeping me “up at night,” wide awake, writing this post.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve grown up being taught that my heart was worth protecting. That it was to be guarded.

And so as any good little Catholic girl, I did just that. Perhaps, to a fault…says the painfully single twenty-something…

But I guess I can see, that advice is for a good reason.

did give a part of my heart to him. A part that I can never get back. A part that I cannot give to my future husband one day.

But more than anything, it’s a hole. A little peep hole that allows me to peek through and revisit that person in my mind. A little potential looking spot that causes me to have to block him on Facebook, and swear off old high school yearbooks.

But it makes me truly question then, how one can find love while still guarding their heart?

Do we never let anyone in so as not to get hurt, or do we risk the potential heartache and give our precious heart to anyone worth a “swipe right?”

And I had two thoughts.

Number one: This visceral response to a fricking Howie Day song is positively confirmation that I am 100% making the right decision about saving myself until marriage.

If this is how my heart responds after a relationship that didn’t involve sex, I cannot imagine how completely obliterated my spirit would be had I given my body away, too.

But Number Two: It made me question the true meaning of “guarding my heart.”

And all this time, I pictured in my mind this impenetrable box that could withstand the zombie apocalypse.

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But what if that’s not the meaning at all?

What if I’ve been dead wrong the whole time?

What if “guarding my heart” actually meant giving it to Jesus?

What if I’m supposed to give it to Him to guard? Let Him keep it safe, and all the while, shaping it into a heart that’s ready to be given?

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That’s the real way to guard and protect it.

God doesn’t want me to pull a Rapunzel, and shut it away completely. Nor take the opposite extreme.

He just wants me to give it to Him to protect. He’s the best Defender anyways.

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Howie Day’s Collide, it may always have a little hold on my heart. I mean, I confess, after hearing it tonight, I may or may not have busted out the old yearbooks and scrapbooks, and taken a painful trip down memory lane.

But I bet if I give my heart to Jesus to protect, He’ll be able to shape it so that I can let that acoustic accompaniment go. And Collide will no longer cause an emotional collision between past and reality.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

340 thoughts on “Guarding My Heart: Redefined

  1. It’s a real challenge and I think you explore the meaning of it well. I think we can share our heart without giving it away. I still have feelings for earlier loves, now dead(literally given my age.) But I don’t think that has diminished the amount of heart available for my husband. My friends, some now dead also, have shares of my heart. Again, I don’t think that diminishes how much heart remains for my new friends. I tend to think that our heart keeps expanding rather than shrinking.

    1. Thanks Elizabeth. That’s a really powerful thought….it doesn’t lessen that which we have to give away now. I love that. thanks so much for sharing that with me 🙂 big hugs xox

      1. You are welcome. Responding to you gave me a chance to articulate something that had been percolating a while with me.

    2. I like to think my heart is the same – there is pain at the thought of lost friends but it expands to allow more children, more friends and the love and acceptance of more & more of Simon. Because even after 20+ years, I am still learning more of him. Thanks Elizabeth!

      1. Can I say, too, that the pieces “lost” aren’t really lost. They are still in “hurt” stage, and that dissipates after a while. Or at least that is my experience.

  2. Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers…Garth Brooks.

    I sometimes wonder and stalk my past. You wanna know where you stand now in relation to where you could have been. Life has a way of looking out for you as well as screwing you over. Funny how it all works.

  3. What an epiphany huh? It’s amazing how God will use yearbooks, a Howie Day’s Collide song, 2 vodka/ soda, etc to give you that Divine nudge :):) He will work it out, but, I know, I am preaching to the choir on this because you already know this 🙂 He will bring you the husband He wants you to have 🙂 God bless you my friend xoxo

    1. That’s so true! God will use anything and everything! haha quite the nudge indeed. thanks for your encouragement. You’re a great friend, Margaret! big hugs xo

      1. Youll find the answers best for you. Just never devalue yourself because you are special and a great life is waiting for you I hope 😊
        Hugs xox

  4. Hey BBB,
    I can definitely understand where your coming from about getting dumped or abused by a significant other. However, I have to disagree with you. I don’t think you can ever truly give yourself away to anyone else. The heart may be broken but it always grows back bigger than before. People can make you feel like they’ve taken your power but they are just deceiving you. You can always take your power back, as you are beginning to. And as for the music one can always find a way to counter it. Here this song from the motion picture Begin Again may help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk5GvfIZG-g
    Best,
    David

    1. Thanks David, for this thought provoking response. I think there’s a lot of truth in that … the heart does grow, and our challenges and heart ache only add to the sweetness of the love we have to give 🙂 if that makes sense hah…thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

  5. You are such a wonderful ray of sunshine in today’s decaying morality. I am so proud of you for saving your body and letting God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit guard and protect your heart. If I had a daughter I would want her to be like you. God bless you, and never doubt that you will know when the right man finds you. When he does, he will be blessed. Hugs to you 🙂

    1. oh my gosh Walt, thank you so much! I am so touched by your kind words. I do trust that God will bring the right man into my life 🙂 thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

    1. Thanks love!! So great to hear from you!! You’re right, being vulnerable and open to love is scary, but i do believe that we can have both 🙂 Hope you have a beautiful week. big hugs xox

  6. I had just passed an old flame from high school a few days ago, and I’ll agree, it is like a punch to the face- a million memories of the past, all rushing back at once. Reading this post, which was perfect timing by the way, assured me that saving myself for marriage is the right way and that God will always be there to protect.

    1. Thanks Victoria, yeah, they just rush back all at once, don’t they!? I’m so glad this came at a good time. Yes He will always be there! thanks for stopping by! big hugs xo

  7. I love this. I was guarding my heart in all the wrong ways myself. I ended up hurting myself more than anything. I have over time to let go and let God have His way. Still it can be hard at moments. I’m getting better with it.

    1. thanks for sharing this Shi, You’re right, it is always a tough road. I’m sending so much love. hang in there. God’s timing and way are perfect 🙂 Trusting is easier said than done, but we’re both on that journey! 🙂 thanks for stopping yb! hugs xox

  8. You are absolutely right. We do give our hearts as we search around for that soul mate, and even after marriage eventually one finds a part of the heart remains with those we’ve loved. But when that special moment comes and there is mutual commitment to spending the rest of the life together there is a greater love that develops over time and the heart expands to take that in and relegate those past loves to a distant memory to be treasured still though faithful to the final commitment made. And yes, Jesus is the over riding factor that keeps us true to each other too.

    1. Thanks so much Ian, yeah it’s hard not to. I think that’s such a beautiful thought – your hearts growing and developing together. That’s so hopeful. thanks for stopping by. hugs xox

  9. I do not know if my heart ever truely loses pieces. It’s just those heartbreaking experiences that shape me and change me to a better more loving me. Having two kids and a classroom full of students shows me that it can share a lot of my heart letting it expand to so many. I don’t hold on to those experience which bring me pain. I only embrass those giving me love and joy. ❤️

    1. That’s so beautiful! thanks for sharing that…You’re right, those challenging times shape you and propel you forward. i love this perspective. thanks for sharing that. hugs xox

  10. Methinks broken-heart pain is much worse than physical pain – but Jesus is a great Healer of all things broken. Opening our hearts is a journey to be taken together, one step at a time – as Jesus knits two hearts together in His love. Let your heart continue to rest in the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and He will lead & guide your heart’s steps. Hugs & hugs & lots of 💜!! Virginia 😎

    1. Thanks for this thoughtful response, Virginia. I think you’re so right…resting in Him will lead to healing and christ-centered love. love that so much. big hugs xo

    2. Just jumping in with a thought – broken heart pain IS physical pain. When we experience rejection the pain centres in our brain light up. Taking pain relievers (not recommending just stating a fact) actually minimizes our emotional wounds – that’s how closely they are linked. That’s why we must care for our emotional wounds like we would for a broken bone or other physical injury.

  11. “True and lasting love happens whenever two hearts connect beyond the minds ability to justify…you can’t hunt down love, not how it works! Getting to know yourself allows you to be genuine, and accepting less just because you’re restless? That’s how 1/2 of marriages end in court😳

  12. I’ve guarded my heart like a champion. No stray emotional attachments whatsoever. When other people cuddle and coo at a tiny baby or the umpteenth cat video or a sleeping puppy … nothing. When other people are laughing at a funny video or cringing at a pain-inducing stunt gone wrong … nothing. I’m not even empathetic or kind or compassionate – as all three traits are dependent upon forming an emotional connection to someone to share what they’re feeling, to opening yourself to another no matter what, to want to ease another person’s misery – such things are forbidden because they make you open your heart and keep it unguarded.
    Would you like to know what I’ve learned? My heart has become two sizes too small because of neglect and not putting it to use. There’s no reward for this – just misery and isolation and fear … lots of that. Because what if that errant smile cheers up somebody and is stolen from it’s rightful future owner? What if the attempt to console a friend means taking away from your ability to console a spouse?
    Love is not a quantity – something that you can run out of and never get a re-fill ever again. Emotions connect us – they tell us about our inner condition and reigning them in too tightly is damaging.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, Jamie. It sounds like you have quite the story. I think you’re right – we can never run out of love. thanks for sharing your heart with us. big hugs xox

      1. I only got this way because of fear, fear that if I give up my love now, I won’t have any love left to love with at all later. Doesn’t the Bible say that perfect love casts out fear? Someone who loves you won’t make you afraid that they’d only love you more or better if you hadn’t loved others – that’s not the message of the Bible.

      2. Yes perfect love casts out all fear. Yes and we are to love one another – because at the end of the day, no one is perfect. 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      3. Love itself is a practice of having an open heart, keeping no record of wrongs, bearing all things – all that good stuff in 1 Cor. 13 …

  13. So, I know I’ve recommended a song to you before.
    I basically live my life to a soundtrack. Sorry.
    But this post so reminded me of a song that I used to listen to when I was dealing with similar struggles. Wanting to love someone, wanting to be loved, wanting that prince charming to come….you know how it is. And no matter how much I thought about it, the pain wouldn’t leave. It actually grew. I never did get into a relationship with someone. Instead I fantasized and obsessed over what it would be like. But then I realized something, and it’s exactly what your saying in this post. I knew who I should give my heart to.

    Around that time I was listening to a song by Barlowgirl called Average Girl. It’s a song about waiting for love. But there is one line in there…”if you get tired waiting ’til he comes…God’s arms are the perfect place to run.”
    So that’s what I did. I ran to God. I went looking for a prince and I found a King instead. 🙂

    I would encourage you to listen to the song.

    For me, I never met a guy worth sharing my heart with until I had long given it to God. Now I’ve met him, and we’re getting married. You know what? Sometimes I’m running to God ABOUT him. (granted, God usually points out that I have more than my fair share of guilt in whatever matter it is.) But most of the time we’re running together. God brought our relationship about, and He is with us in the good and the bad. I praise God that I had to wait and cry and wonder why it was taking so long, because He knew better than me. People have told you waaayyyyy too many times and if you’re anything like me you won’t really care to hear this yet another stinkin’ time…but it’s true. God’s plans are perfect.

    Wait for a running partner. A battle buddy. Someone who will fight FOR you and WITH you. That’s what I pray for you. For now, and forever, God’s arms are the perfect place to be.
    Shalom, Caralyn.

    Yael Eliyahu

    1. Hi Yael! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who lives life by a soundtrack! thanks for sharing this. I’m so happy for you that you’re getting married and have found your heart partner! that’s so wonderful 🙂 I really appreciate your terrific advice!! amen to that – His arms are the BEST place! 🙂 big hugs xo

  14. This brought me to tears just about. You are such an inspiration and there are not many people out there like you. I think it’s amazing your waiting till marriage and when that day happens you will be so happy and look back at this post and smile 🙂 I wish the best of luck to you and I love reading your blog! Stay true to yourself and continue to wow us.

      1. Are you okay with me referring to this post in my next post and sending my readers back to your site? This inspired something in me that I just sat down to write and want to share the inspiration.

      2. Fantastic! Hopefully I’ll put it together by Wednesday. I’m just jotting notes right now. I am touched by your insights. God Bless! Milly

  15. Wow… I love all of your posts, but I love this one especially. I’ve never thought about giving my heart to Jesus to protect. Thank you for that piece of advice- it’s beautiful (just like you!)

    1. Thank you so much Robyn! I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying my posts and that this particular one resonated with you! Big hugs to you friend. Amen to that! God is good! Hugs and love xox

  16. I always look forward to reading your posts! They are always so thoughtful and I have definitely been encouraged by reading your blog. Thank you for liking my posts. If it weren’t for that, I may never have discovered Beauty Beyond Bones. I think it was a little gift from God.
    God bless you and your family! 🙂

  17. I like this but I got to say I’m not a virgin because their times where sex could happen or what I don’t recall happen, but my last drunken sex with a roommate I fell for and I can remember very good of it, but my judgement was clouded, but we handle it as an adults, I won’t get in details on it, but I’m a lover and had a few childhood grade school girlfriends and took a break on the whole girl stuff in middle school and high school.
    I have to say that might of not been a wise choice of high school proms and all, and yes I am Catholic but not all that good of one, because I would of like to loose my true virginity in high school. Sorry to say but my virginity was taken from me when I was young, so the first time wasn’t special to me.
    But anyways, I use to feel the same way and still feel the same way, even know with some people it doesn’t happen that way and with me being a lover, I have good charms with women without trying and my heart don’t stay broken for that long anymore and being rejected doesn’t hurt all that much with me also. I also fall in love with women easy, but my last in counter with my roommate is teaching me an life lesson on my jealous steak that I need to learn to handle that emotion better then I am now, but anyways it won’t be right for me to be with her, and it was an one time thing mistake that shouldn’t had happen, but it was fun, but wrong.
    So on my jealous streak that is better now after knowing my roommate guy friend and theirs nothing going on, but if their was, it not my problem anyways, it will be hers and her spirited rated husband who is in jail and will be out shortly, but I have to say I don’t like her guy friend being around because of what happen between her and me, is still in my mind, but I can get over it, and I been keeping my mind on other things.
    I haven’t had time to go to AA yet. but I ask for the night off for the AA meeting that I didn’t say why at work, just that I needed that night off. I thinking AA will help with my drinking and for what I’m going through right now with drinking when I do that won’t help, but it will make it worst with my true emotions, that isn’t being truly heal right, and me with drinking is a way to get those emotions out, but with this problem that isn’t going to work, but male it worst-er than is now

      1. It’s not to badly hurt just got invof with a roommate that you shouldn’t to. I also getting stress out by it but my ride who is my landlord listerns to the christen radio and they say “when you stress, you just believing lies in you head” that does make lot of sense but I also try not to get with someone who is in a relationship/married because I don’t like to ruin relationships.

    1. Michael you have to stop beating up on yourself and comparinh yourself to others. Your life your journey. There is no such thing as a good or bad Catholic despite what some would have you think. Unless they are walking on water they are far from being where they can comment on you. That’s why so many find solace in the 12 Step Community. If you can get to meeting please go it will help save your life in more ways than one. Talk with the Elders those who have long term-sobriety. Also don’t expect things to change overnight. You didn’t pop out of a box this way, it will take time a A LOT of patience. It also will not be easy by any means. Find a good therapist and sponsor who will not co-sign on your BS but tell you what you don’t want to hear. This is what I tell my clients. Good luck.

      1. Yeah I know I been to them before, just haven’t went over few years now because I have been in rehab before by choice and they went to both AA and NA and NA sees alcoho as a drug to but I like AA betterr because I’m more of an alcoholic. I was also talking more on my true behovor that I learn to change to be a better person that I am now, and I already know my anger and not scare of it, I just don’t want to be the person I was in teens anymore or become that person again.

      2. Stay strong. If I may, I recommend the book The Four Agreements. Great book I recommend to my peeps all the time. All the best to you in your journey.

  18. I don’t suppose you were sitting in the garage over your lack of driving skills? Sorry. Had to. Listen, my comments for tonight are not going to be at Patreon. This is just for your eyes in your email. Taking a deep breath and hitting send…

    1. Hahaha thanks Jeff….no, contrary to popular belief, though I am nearly a NYer, I *can* drive a car!!! hahahahaha Thanks so much, Jeff, I look forward to reading your reflection. Hope you’re having a great night. hugs x

  19. God is forming your heart and molding you into a beautiful and wise woman. It is a gift and blessing to have gained this insight into God’s transforming power in your life. He will take you to the mountaintop, and you will find the love he is preparing for you and the joy your heart longs for! Never give up hope, never give in to the ways of the world – you are on the RIGHT PATH!!

    1. wow, i am so encouraged by this beautiful response. thank you so much! amen to that! God has transforming POWER and isn’t that such a comfort! thanks for this message of hope. you are a blessing to me! hugs xo

  20. Lovely post. This was a great reminder for me that there are many things the Lord wants us to give our hearts to Him to guard. For me, it would be my fertility issues in the midst of most of my friends having babies. Although honestly, I’m not sure whether He’s guarding my heart and that’s why I don’t feel the pain as much anymore, or if I’ve just become emotionally numb, but hey, it works either way.

    1. Thank you so much friend. Amen to that – He is just begging us to give those things to Him. I’m so sorry you’re walking through that pain right now. I am right there in that fertility-issues-boat with you. Know that you are in my prayers. Sending you so much love. God has a plan for you that is good. And it may not be exactly what we think it should look like, but it will end up being exactly what it’s supposed to be. I have to hold to that hope. You have the heart of a parent. He will not abandon you. 🙂 Sending hugs x

  21. I just want you to know, me too. I feel your pain. In an act of shameless self-promotion I will even paste the link to my post… https://culturalatheist.wordpress.com/2016/10/01/broken-records/
    Beyond that, can I share my first thought? It was, “Girl, you’re bonkers!” But then you might say I am so right (because, well, I am usually, right?) and I didn’t want that. I agree with your many comments that the heart can love in abundance. The person who said they guarded their heart and it became two sizes too small was right on. We are called to love bolding, fiercely, in such a way that it’s an actual witness to God’s own amazing and so deep love!
    I like your conclusion. If we let God rule the heart, hold it and shape it, we are in the best position. He will lead us to love the unloved, he will help us have healthy boundaries in our relationships, he will heal our hearts when they are battered and bruised.
    Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story. You always make me think a little deeper.

    1. I absolutely love that thought: loving in a way that witnesses to His love – now that is some powerful stuff! I think we should all try to live in that love! Thanks for your encouragement, Brad. You’re so great:) Hugs and love xox

    2. I always was an over-achiever, so it only makes sense that I’d fall to one extreme or the other. I remember when my church taught me about soul ties, how any emotional attachment I made to a crush would rip out pieces of my heart and it would forever be ruined like the way the strong glue can rip away pieces of whatever it’s been stuck to. What they didn’t tell me was that purging emotion would also make the emotional component of love nearly impossible to learn. I find people who have crushes on me to be annoying because they like me a whole lot more than I like them (which is not at all because I’m very well practiced at not feeling anything). Here I am watching folks a lot younger than me get married and have kids and wondering what I did wrong. The only answer I have is that I learned my lesson far too well.

      1. I hit “like” only because it sounds as if you’re on a healing journey. Maybe it’s not so much you did wrong – you were doing what you thought was right – but now you have woken to a new possibility?

      2. wow that is quite a powerful and strong analogy they gave. I guess at the end of the day, we have to weigh whether the risk of the former out weighs the risk of the latter, you know what I mean?

      3. I think I am on a healing journey, the first part of which is deconstructing these teachings and figuring out how to build a new structure, testing which walls to keep, and which ones to tear down – and given how walled off my emotions are from me – I’m guessing a lot of these barriers will have to go. A big component for me is just accepting my emotions … which I really don’t know how to do. How do you learn how to laugh, how to cry, how to be angry? It’s one of those things that you don’t have to teach a little child so I don’t have a frame of reference.

      4. They never talk about the risks of the other extreme, either you’re obedient and God smiles or you’re disobedient and God frowns, but he’s a forgiving guy so it’s okay in the end.

  22. Such deep wisdom for so young a person. The Lord’s goodness just keeps growing. I have two grand daughters going on thirteen, twins. They both just discovered the love of Jesus and have been asking me deep questions for their being so new in Christ. I believe your blog helps me to answer some of them so they understand. May the Lord continue blessing you so richly in His wisdom. May the Lord keep you with His loving presence as He guides you through and to the good things he has in store for you!

    1. Thanks for sharing this GW. gosh I am so glad to hear that about your grand daughters! That’s so great!! And thanks for your kind words about my blog 🙂 I’m so glad our paths crossed 🙂 Hugs and love xox

  23. I first want to say, thank you for liking my new blog post. It allowed me to discover your website! I can officially say you have gained a new fan! lol I love your writings! I had to immediately go follow your website! And I love this post! I’ve had many conversations about guarding our hearts. Beautifully written! I’m happy I came across your page! God bless you beautiful! ❤️

  24. Thank you for sharing. I’m still trying to figure out a lot of stuff regarding relationships; what little relationship experience I’ve had has mostly been negative, as I’ve said, and I’ve never really had a healthy functioning relationship (the closest I’ve come to that was a medium-distance relationship so we didn’t see each other in person all the time). But it’s good to read your thoughts.

    1. Thanks friend. Yeah I can definitely understand that. The good thing about love is that it can always be right around the corner 🙂 that gives me hope! 🙂 big hugs xox

  25. Facing loves of the past is always tricky. But keeping ones heart closed and reserved can be tricky too. I have a friend who was like a revolving door with that. She would open her heart, get hurt, vow to protect it, then less than a week later, OPEN FOR BUSINESS, and then the same progression would repeat, and repeat, and it just got crazy. I never found much worth in what I let my heart be open to, until I left it up to Jesus. He guided me and helped me understand why this or that didn’t work out. It wasn’t an easy path, but later realized, a path more wisely taken. You have a wonderful heart and nobody can just steal it from you. But nobody can force you to close it either. Jesus has helped you in so many ways and he will help guide your wonderful heart! Love always!!

    1. Thanks MiguelTio, you’re so right when we let our hearts be left up to Jesus, it is the best place to be. Thank you for always being so wonderful. I’m so grateful for our friendship! Hugs and love xox

      1. Hey U!! This is something I wrote after last weekend in NYC. It was a good time. I went to San German and Johnny Albino music shops in Brooklyn and also Moore St. Market. Then I went over to a poetry event at Barnes and Noble and to Despana Foods in SoHo.
        This is what I wrote in response to the ongoing gentrification and up up upperscale catering that is going on in the city. I haven’t seen as many people sleeping on the ground under coats, or one who was huddled in a corner of the M train, or outright beggers (not performers with their cases open, just BEGGERS) like that, since my 1st trip there ever in 1981, when things there were still trying to dig out of the rough economy the city experienced in the 70s. The thing is, many in shelters and etc.. now are hard workers who’s salaries can’t live up to what the city is doing. Its not the welfare waifs like the old days. Anyway this is called “Stop Erasing The True Colors”

        Can you see?
        Can you see
        me?
        Do you see
        do you see
        me do you
        see the real
        me part of
        me all of me?
        I am here
        in front of
        your face do
        I strike fear
        into your happy
        place I have a
        face I have a
        voice If you will
        not see or hear
        me that is your
        ignorant choice.
        I have a real
        mind a real
        heart a real
        soul I am of
        real color with
        real joy to
        extoll.
         
        Every day you
        pass me by
        you have a
        chance to see
        my eyes instead
        you opt to keep
        your eyes on your
        prize your little
        device like artificial
        eyes in disguise full
        of artificial love
        that only spreads
        real lies as you
        return to your
        senseless
        soulless
        colorless
        glass shoebox
        that makes you
        feel entitled to
        rise higher than
        the realities that
        are found below
        the skies.
         
        People sleeping on
        the floor on the
        ground while you
        have your earbuds
        to drown out the
        sound of the
        many hard workers
        around you whose
        futures have drowned
        while you pay homage
        only to your royal
        self whom you feel
        entitled to have
        crowned.
         
        The links of the
        chain of chains
        is choking the
        urban vibe into
        a suburban pain
        while chains
        themselves are
        struggling and
        closing more and
        more the cities get
        a hosing down defacing
        with more chains
        popping giving indy
        business and
        neighborhood character
        a mindless replacing.
         
        The expression and
        character of the
        theatre the
        musicals the
        plays even
        Broadway The
        Great White Way
        who is to say they
        are immune every
        overture every
        entr’acte every
        TONY winning
        tune who’s to
        say that some
        day all those
        theatres couldn’t
        get shown the way
        being chased to The
        Jersey Burbs in a really
        big hurry with a
        senseless vision of
        “A Musical Mall” or
        a village of theatres
        like Branson
        Missouri?
         
        Walk with me
        dance with me
        hear my music
        see my art
        read my poetry
        eat my food
        learn my language
        wear my clothes
        choosing just one
        one of those
        would give you a
        true and proactive
        start toward
        experiencing what life
        in New York or other
        cities could be you
        need to come down
        to earth this planet
        of your birth and
        visualize and
        realize and
        rationalize so that
        maybe we can
        rematerialize what lives
        in New York and
        other cities should
        be.
         
        ~Miguel

      2. Hey Miguel! thank you so much for sharing this. Wow what an powerful poem. You are such a talented writer!! and more people need to read this. so much truth. hugs x

      3. Thank you and you know the blushes are out!! ::) I have a video of some of where I went that day that I am posting on my page soon. Its short but ok. You are so wonderful!! xoxoxo

  26. I always love the positivity inside of your posts and how you are able to center around God.
    You are an intelligent, beautiful and principled young woman, but you provide an inspiration that is a joy. I have no doubts that Jesus will protect your heart.

  27. Caralyn, I wonder if part of the conundrum is with “how” we give our hearts away in a dating relationship. Maybe the first thing to determine in dating is why? Is it only to have fun, or is it because we each are looking for a marriage partner? If we each aren’t looking for someone to commit our lives to in marriage, why are we even allowing any physical relationship? (I’m not even talking sex.) Our culture assumes that those passionate romantic scenes are a privilege of adulthood for anyone we enjoy being with, without thinking about the consequences to our hearts. Maybe giving that part of us wasn’t meant for just anyone because it too gives too much away. Getting to know someone is hard enough, but once you add in physical passion, even kissing, it begins a whole new level. I’m beginning, in my older age, to realize that if we limited the physical for the one we’re going to marry, we help protect our hearts for the one God is preparing to handle our hearts best. Not because we set up prudish rules, but for the reason of guarding that special part of us that longs to love and be loved lavishly for the rest of our lives. I really wonder if the whole dating thing for the purpose of just having fun sets us up for a fall. Just some things rolling around in my head.

    1. thank you so much for this thoughtful response. there’s definitely a lot to think about here. I think there’s a lot of truth in the fact that we have to examine the why we are dating. that’s a powerful thing to do. thanks for stopping by and the great food for thought! big hugs xox

  28. Oh Miss Caralyn so this afternoon I went into the one space in the house where I experience great freedom, my sewing studio. Life has been a bit challenging of late, and I’m entirely uncertain of where God is leading. It’s incredibly hard at moments. My sewing machine sits on a table and right over that, on the wall, is a Crucifix, to pause, pray, look at, consider, hold on to.
    When you spoke of guarding your heart, letting Jesus do that work a couple of thoughts popped into my head. You already do this! In looking up the Scriptural reference http://www.usccb.org/bible/proverbs/4. The way you diligently care for your physical person, is the same way you care for your heart. Guarding isn’t a physical fortress. Guarding is First the Eucharist, prayer, scripture and spiritual reading. It’s a “diet” of the good stuff which draws us closer to Jesus.
    This is a reminder for me. To feed my soul the good stuff, to guard my heart, to draw closer to Jesus!
    So guard away!!

    1. Hi Teri, gosh this is such a beautiful response. thank you so much! Amen! Thank you for that reminder…that is so important as to WHY we choose to guard our hearts in the first place, and that’s because it’s the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit!! That is so so important to remember…thank you for reminding me! seriously!! I can get so caught up in the romance of it all, that I can sometimes forget who’s taking up residence there. And what a comforting thought that is…we are really never alone. thanks for stopping by and for your kind words. hope you have a blessed week! hugs xo

  29. ALL that is lost is found in Him, even that piece of your heart that you gave away.

    Jesus, you can make Caralyn’s heart whole again, before her husband comes into focus. Speak strength into her heart. And life. And boldness.

  30. I can truly understand the situation how it feels. Dealings with such feelings is tough. Unlearning things takes time. But i tell you, let that shit go! Waiting for the right thing is worth it.

    1. thanks so much David, and gosh – i really appreciate you going back and reading that post. that was one of my favorites. Yes – gotta respect love. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! have a great Tuesday! hugs x

  31. Stay strong, sister! Thirty year old virgin here… and I went through a broken engagement! So glad I didn’t buy into the lie that “we love each other, so it’s okay… we’re going to get married anyway…” because we didn’t!

    A wise woman once told me that a big part of guarding your heart is guarding your mind – keeping guard over where you let your thoughts go; taking captive every thought to make them obedient to Christ.

    1. Thanks for sharing that, Aurora, I really appreciate your encouragement. I’m sorry to hear that the engagement didn’t work out, but you know what? That just means that God is preparing the right man for you right this very minute 🙂 Guarding our minds and thoughts – now that is a powerful thought!! such great advice. thank you so much friend 🙂 big hugs xx

  32. First, let me say that I am proud of you saving yourself for marriage. It will be worth the wait. Second, I loved that song, but I know how music can affect us emotionally. Finally, Proverbs 4:23 says “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life”. This is something we all must do. I appreciate your openness and honesty. I just hope you are who you say you are and not a made up carricture of someone you wish you were.

    1. Thanks so much Steve, i really appreciate your encouragement. Yeah, it’s crazy how powerful songs can be. I love that verse – thanks for passing it along. big hugs x

  33. Really like this post. I’ve been very encouraged by The Peaceful Wife blog. She also writes for singles on the Peaceful Single Girl blog. She is very Christ centered in her writing. It’s all about our relationship with Jesus first.

  34. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and authentic! I was diabetic and I had food poisoning and went into a diabetic coma last year. My near death experience taught me that, when it comes to love, “I’d rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” Yes, sometimes love can hurt terribly, but I only have one life and I’d rather live it feeling and sharing my love with others than hording it and taking it to the grave alone.

    1. oh my gosh, Mary, I am so sorry to hear that! Gosh how incredibly scary. I’m so glad that you’re better now!!! Thanks for sharing this, some really powerful food for thought here. big hugs to you friend xox

  35. Just a thought: you gave part of your heart away and find yourself missing it? Well, it probably misses you, too. Honor that choice. When you feel that longing, tell it: “Hey, yeah, I love you, too. Why don’t you come back to me?”

    And if that ex-flame doesn’t relinquish it back to you? Well, he probably didn’t love you as much as he loved himself, and didn’t deserve it.

    I’ve been thinking about this as regards Revelation when John writes about men “defiling themselves with women.” That’s at least in part about taking pieces out of women and trying to mash them together into an “ideal” and ending up with a twisted, confused, conflicted mess that really wishes to be free. I wish you ladies would stop enabling us.

      1. A young lady was flirting with me one night at a dance event, and broke off in mid-sentence. After she had started breathing again, she announced “You’re like a committee!” It’s clearer in my case because I am conscious of the input I receive from my constituents, but it’s true of all of us. We are composite personalities – some of us more harmonious than others.

        Jesus taught us to surrender ourselves to our neighbors, but that doesn’t mean that we should ignore the neighbors that live within us. We need to love ourselves at least in the sense of paying attention to the spirits that chose to animate our bodies and minds, or eventually they either break or move out.

  36. Jumbled thoughts — The Trinity is all about relationships. Father, Son, Spirit. We are made in His image and likeness. We are meant to have relations with our fellow man. Acquaintances, Friendships, Love. He loved and lost. Still He never stopped loving… Now if only I made sense. 🙂

    1. Thanks so much for this Mar. I appreciate your thoughts. So much great food for thought – Yes, He love until He had literally given it all…soething to think about 🙂 big hugs x

  37. Beautiful post <3 I totally relate to you.. there are songs that I didn't listen to for years because I was afraid of them taking me back to that broken place I had bolted shut. But then I decided to take them back and give them new memories… the past can totally get a hold of us. I think that saving your body, saving your virginity is the bravest thing anyone can do. I had that goal and then I gave it away, carelessly… Believe me I've paid in tears and emptiness… Now, even then there is hope because God restores us, He makes us new and even replaces the missing parts that we give away…even though we can't give our old selves… now we can give something new. Not by our own strength, power, or will but even better, restored parts of ourselves because they come from Him. Thank you <3

    1. Hi K, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. yeah it’s really incredible the power that songs have to bring us back to different times in our lives. Thanks for your kind words. Amen ! He restores us! hugs xox

  38. Love this post. Thank you for your honesty (I’ve always admired that about your blog). I’ve been divorced and remarried and honestly, the radio can be my biggest enemy. Not because the songs make me miss my ex, but they tug at a part of my heart that I gave away. I want Jesus to have full ownership of my life and heart and I’m grateful for this post because it reminds me of that. Keep up the good work!

    1. Hi Nicole! Thank you so much 🙂 Yeah, isn’t it crazy how songs can just transport us back to a certain place and time. Yeah, we’ve gotta protect that heart. Thanks for your kind words. big hugs xo

  39. You know what? Every… single… word and question that you had brought up is a spoken truth that we all, not only needed to hear, but we may have felt and experienced the same ideas and thoughts during our lifetimes. First, you are not doing anything wrong with placing Jesus first in your life, especially when it comes to protecting and guarding your heart, because like your Spirit, it is a precious Gem; Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

    Secondly, God with bring into your life your suitable husband when the time comes. From my past personal experiences, I was one that shared my heart with a few guys that I believed were right for me and felt within my heart that “He was right”, until God soon revealed the truth to me about them soon enough. I had felt devastation within my heart for too long to a point where I don’t know whom to trust, and with open arms, Jesus is there to support me. I wasn’t fortunate enough to be raised in a church home, but it did take me time to learn, to heal, and to wait on the Lord. I do have a few friends that are truly supportive and relatives, but I, too, had to push away and end many friendships with most of them.

    Third, it will take some time for you to heal and become stronger to overcome songs that bring up a past love, although I will admit that a few may be stuck with you for a long while. Example: My first ‘real’ love was my high school prom date. We had fun, danced, and we listened to one of his favorite artists on the radio: Sade. Sadly, however, 2 years later, he passed away afterwards. I was hurt, sad, and cried for a long while, but I kept in mind that (at least for God, for him, and for myself) I had to keep moving.

    So sorry for making my post so long, but keep staying strong in the Lord and know that God loves you and sees your heart and understands your struggles. Never feel hopeless as if you’ll never have your husband in your life. Just as God is preparing us to become a wife for our future husbands, the same is happening with them as well: God is preparing our husbands as well. 🙂 Stay strong.

    1. “For everything your do flows from it…” wow what a powerful verse. thank you so much for sharing that with me. And gosh, thank you for such a thoughtful and beautiful response. I’m so sorry for your loss. that just breaks my heart. You’re so right though, resting in the Lord and relying on Him through all of life’s ups and downs is what gives us the strength to get through it. thanks for stopping by, friend. big big hugs xo

      1. Actually, thank you for your message and big hug, friend. 🙂 I needed to reflect and be reminded how much and how far God has helped me throughout my life and has blessed me with strength to surpass my life pains. I needed that. Thank you again for sharing your message! 🙂

  40. Thank you once again for an amazing and inspirational blog. You are an amazing young lady. Thank you for blessing me with these words and emotions you share so freely.
    God bless you.

  41. Dear Caralyn
    I honour you for letting Jesus keep your heart. To love God with all our heart, mind and strength is our primary task in this world. But may I just comment in a more secular way, before returning to the sacred?
    Happiness and joy are different. In my experience, happiness is a state that grows when two people work together at it. Joy, by contrast, is just pure luck; it either happens or it doesn’t. And to rely on a partnership based on joy is risky, because there is the tendency of both partners to rely on the feeling of joy rather than on the hard work that’s needed..
    From what you tell us in the post, you experienced joy in your relationship, and it is the lack of that joy that now causes you pain.
    Some people seem to need joy to survive. Provided you are a risk-taker, and you get lucky, that can work. But if you’re risk-averse, it’s a pretty risky strategy. Better to start from a solid friendship and work to build happiness together.
    I’ve felt the joy of being ‘in love’. It’s an enormously compelling and seductive feeling, and it’s agonising when you lose it. But I’ve spent a good part of a lifetime (over forty years married) building happiness. Happiness lasts, and is very satisfying.
    So, what sort of person are you? What sort of life do you feel God is leading you towards? Are you waiting for joy, when perhaps you should be taking an opportunity He makes for your life-long happiness?
    With love
    Penny xx

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful response, Penny. You’re so right – loving God really is our primary task in the world, and when we realize that, everything else kinds of falls into place. So much great food for thought here, friend. thanks for sharing 🙂 big hugs xox

  42. Wow, you are such a strong, wise, and courageous young woman for not giving in to peer pressure and the seduction of our culture, and for not being shamed into thinking it’s too embarrassing to admit!
    I so wanted and prayed for my girls to keep themselves pure until marriage, but they chose otherwise and have to live with the consequences. It’s definitely easier to give in to that temptation than it is to stay pure.
    God will bless you richly for giving your heart fully to him and he will heal it, you’ll see.

    1. oh my gosh Mia, thank you so much. What a kind response. yeah, definitely not something i shout from the rooftops in my day to day life, but here on the blog, I’ve been rather open about it haha. Thanks for your encouragement. big hugs xo

  43. Regardless of your belief, your body is your temple. When you decide who is worthy of it, that’s when it’s suppose to happen. I hope when it’s time for a partner to show up in life, the idea that no one will be 100 ideal will be with you. Compromise with life an God is on going until you die. Remember to consult God in your actions and prayers and let it lead you. Remember that the Lord never has the wrong answers. Much love!

    1. amen to that! Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. You’re so right, prayer is so important to keep us centered and focused. God is good 🙂 big hugs xo

  44. Very encouraged to know you are guarding your body, mind and now your heart for the Lord’s safekeeping. The ‘hole’ of heart that you gave away, will be mended and healed in God’s time too! Hang in there sister! While waiting for God’s blessed timing in your future love, continue to live life fully, being a minister to people around you, be mentored and mentor others into Hid glorious Kingdom’s purposes! Blessings, Angie. Thank you for follwing my space too.

  45. You said you didn’t know how you’d feel if you gave your body away. Not going to lie it hurts. Granted, I didn’t give mine away it was taken, so now I feel as if everything I worked towards and stood for was for nothing. I feel tainted and as if I’ve gone against my beliefs. But, maybe you would have felt differently if you wanted to do it. It’s still a healing process and I wanted to comment because your last picture quote really spoke to me. “Release the unchangeable past and embrace the future.” Definitely easier said than done, but it’s something I’m working on.

    1. Hi Alexandria, thank you so much for sharing part of your story. I’m so sorry that it was taken from you. Thank just breaks my heart. You did not deserve to have that happen to you. You deserve to be respected and cherished and i’m just so sorry that that happened. I’m sending you such a big hug. Yes, let’s embrace the future 🙂 xoxoxo

  46. Its nothing wrong with being careful. When you give your heart, spirit and soul to the right one it will be forever so you want to make sure to get it right. We are emotional beings, we are moved by words, songs, expressions so it’s ok to go down memory lane but remember why you took that right and decided to follow God’s path!

  47. Guarding your heart is always a constant struggle. I try to tell my daughters to seek wisdom, and we define wisdom as a kind of guardrail that keeps you back from the edge of all the pain and hurt. From my own life, I’ve learned that I can never depend on myself as the source of that wisdom. Surrounding myself with people that believe in the same values as me, and seeking God in each day helps keep my own selfish ego and emotions in check. It sounds like you are on a great path. It thrills me to hear about someone bucking the trend of culture and pursuing a course of what is true, right, and good. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for sharing this. You’re so right – seek wisdom. I love that imagery of the guardrail – very powerful. Thanks for passing along this powerful perspective. Means a lot 🙂 big hugs xo

  48. Thank you for sharing this. Guarding my.heart is something I’ve been reflecting on a lot in the past two years and I love thinking about how the proper way to guard our hearts is by giving them to Jesus.

  49. I think you have it, Caralyn. I had written in my book that if I let God hold my heart, I can be vulnerable and give of myself to others because no one can take away what He’s holding. That overcomes the conundrum of guarding yet being open to love. We can love from Love rather than looking for love.

  50. It just started reading your posts and I see what a beautifully sensitive young woman you are. This one got me because Collide is also the song for my relationship, the one I’m in now. Giving my heart away has always been painful. But then the day came when I realize that it was exactly that, the pain that made my heart powerfully strong and my love overflowing for all people not just one individual. And then I realized that the love that God has for me is shaped and molded by the joys and the sorrows and quite frankly I really like who I Have Become. So the tears of having giving my heart to the wrong person in the past has caused me to grow stronger and now that If have given my heart to the right man I see that every ounce of pain I have ever felt was entirely worth it. and I feel the love of my heavenly father more than I ever have.

    1. Hi Julie, thank you so much for your kind words. Aw, Collide buddies! it really is such a great song. Ament to that – we grow stronger with everything we go through. Thanks for sharing that. I’m so glad you’re feeling His love! God is good! hugs xox

  51. Beautiful post. I did the Facebook thing a few weeks ago and I can relate. Joshua Harris has written a few good books for us single Christian people. I love your honesty and I speak from experience it does get easier. I can’t listen to my heart will go one. Bring back some painful memories but Jesus is helping. God bless you xxx

    1. Hi Emma! Oh thank you so much for this thoughtful refection. Yeah, I feel ya there…Facebook can become a black hole if we let it! And amen – Jesus is helping and will heal those places of hurt 🙂 Sending such big hugs and love. thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

  52. First of all, songs kick my heart right in the feelings all the time. That’s a gift that you can feel so deeply to be moved like that. Second of all this post and the talk of your heart reminds me of a quotation from Maya Angelou- “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her.”

    I really love that idea because I am seeking God with all that I am right now. I feel alone on the human level (no romance for almost a year!) but spiritually I know I am never alone. I am in a position where I’m not guarding my heart but the heart of potential foolish females that could be beguiled into dating me right now… I’m giving my heart to God to keep others safe… I am open to God moving a woman into my life but he would literally have to hit me over the head with her to get my attention at this point. At any rate, great post my friend, thanks for sharing and I apologise for the long response… it’s been a while so I had lots to say 🙂

    1. Thanks so much for this great response! Kick it right in the feelings…that saying made me chuckle. but you’re so right! it’s crazy how songs can have such a powerful impact on our hearts!! I love that quote. And wow, it sounds like you’re in an awesome place in your life right now, seeking Him, and knowing that you’re not alone. That’s such a powerful place to live and love from! Hahah, yeah, that’s kinda where I am too…I’m like…”OK God, please literally hit me over the head with The One!” hahah thanks for taking the time to read! great to hear from you!! hugs xox

  53. So relatable. Sometimes it seems hopeless but don’t give up. Everyday is one step closer to finding the love you truly deserve. Keep guarding your beautiful heart until they Day when God sends you the one who will appreciate you genuinely. Great post and I loved your honesty.

  54. Gosh, I seriously have been dealing with almost the same thing (minus the part where I’ve actually been in a relationship, because I haven’t.) Have you ever heard the song “Sleeping Beauty” by Karla Torres? It addresses this subject.
    I agree about giving your heart to Jesus. I used to think guarding my heart meant keeping it away from anyone of the opposite sex, but I think it really means being open to them, and letting God take care of the complications beyond our control.
    Anyway, nice to hear someone else’s perspective on it.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing this 🙂 I really appreciate it. I haven’t heard that song, but i will definitely check it out! thanks for passing it along. you’re so right- we’ve gotta just let God be God. Thanks xx

  55. Sorry for your break-up. These are necessary in life, as there was something you learned from that individual or situation and they were meant to be in your life for a short time to get to that next step. It hurts, but in time, you will see that it wasn’t a perfect fit. God has a plan and it’s always better than the one we make for ourselves. If I had ended up with my first serious boyfriend, I would have been miserable the rest of my life. The guy I got – is even better than I ever could have imagined. I just had to wait into my early 30’s. There were experiences and things I had to learn first. Some journeys were fun, others boring, and some down-right hurt.

    You’re still understanding yourself and sometimes, that takes wisdom – wisdom comes with life experience. And always stay true to who you are…regardless of your virginity status. To distract yourself, try something new!

    1. Thanks so much Sandi, You’re so right – everything is going to work out the way its supposed to. And I’m so glad that you’ve found the right guy. That is so wonderful 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement! hugs xo

  56. Revelation
    Chapter 21

    1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

    2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

    3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

    4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

    5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

    6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.

    7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

  57. A person with a good heart seems to me be the person who gets hurt easier …feels everything but you know what whether it’s a past love a family or friend it still so hard when we let go and this is the result but never stop being the person you are god gave you this precious gift of being so loving . I hope this makes sense and what you. Where talking about. Hugs

    1. Thank you so much friend. Gosh I am so touched by your generous words. Yeah, I definitely feel like I have been giving the “feeler” gene for sure. 🙂 thanks for being so kind! Big hugs xox

  58. I am so sorry you had your heart broken and that the song reminded you of the pain you experienced (and continue to experience), As a woman old enough to be your mother, I have a couple of things to say. (1) Yes, God is absolutely the One that should be guarding your heart. Only He can do it well. (2) That said, guarding your heart doesn’t mean that you won’t experience pain. Jesus experienced pain throughout His ministry. It is part of being human and honestly, unless you are willing to risk the possible pain, you won’t be able to experience possible joy either. God will not save you from being hurt or feeling what you felt last night again in the future. He will however help you learn and grow from those experiences to become the woman He created you to be both for yourself and your perfect mate.

    1. Thanks so much Allison, i am so touched by this comment. you’re absolutely right – Jesus was not immune to pain…I mean look at the culmination of His life! this is such a powerful perspective. thanks again friend 🙂 big hugs xox

  59. Indeed,your Heart can best be guarded by following strictly the rules in your religion. As a Muslim, I ever do feel contented when acting according to the Quran. When one guards his heart with the Quran,he instantly get set free from this worldly curiosity.

  60. Giving your heart to Jesus is the best decision you could make. And though I know it is difficult in today’s world to make the decision to wait till marriage for sex, you won’t be sorry. God wants that for our protection not to take away our fun. I pray you will meet someone who will cherish you and share your values. I pray God will heal your hurt. God bless you. You are wise to guard your heart.

  61. Thanks for your post…I’m a virgin too…and in my 30s…so it’s really encouraging to know someone else who has the same thoughts and feelings about it all as me!! I don’t know if my ”waiting’ will ever be over…but it’s a gift I want to give my husband. I know he’ll be worth it, even if during the whole waiting period I don’t know who he is (or if I will ever get married). Thank you!!

    1. Thanks so much for sharing that! It’s nice to know I’m not alone 🙂 that’s so awesome — it will be the best gift ever know. know that I’m in your corner and cheering for you, friend! it’s a tough road but well worth it! thanks for the encouragement. big hugs xox

  62. You didn’t really go into what you meant by giving a part of your heart away that you’ll never get back. I’ll hazard a guess and say you were extraordinarily emotionally intimate with that guy and it didn’t end well. Maybe you felt ripped off and taken advantage of. Whatever.

    I’m gonna pray for you to have friends – including guys – who aren’t just safe but healthy for you. Because truly, if/when you do find the man you will marry, you will be friends most of all. When it’s right, you actually both get more than what you put in, because God is there to bless.

    Thank you for being honest and vulnerable. You have no idea what walls that tears down for people.

    1. Thank you so much for your beautiful encouragement and prayers. that’s so true – having a foundation of friendship is so important. thanks for this 🙂 big hugs xo

  63. This post is literally my hearts cry! That God will protect my heart and only allow me to share it with the person He has designed specifically for me! It’s not easy but as someone who has experienced extreme heartbreak , letting God take over that job is so much better! Great post as usual😊

    1. Hi Sophie! Oh good! I’m so glad you can relate. You’re so right, we’ve gotta let God take over that job 🙂 so glad you stopped by tonight! have a wonderful evening1 hugs xo

  64. You make me want to hug you and play big brother and say, “You’ll be all right. Really.” Here’s the thing. Breakups always suck. There’s no getting around that. Even months later, when you thought you were done, it can all come back to you. For me, the song was “Don’t know what you got till it’s gone.” And it didn’t even have to play. I would just start pining and singing the song on my own and on the verge of tears and calling saying, “Take me back. Please.”
    Of course they didn’t. They had moved on to other boyfriends. I like your idea of giving your heart to Jesus. I did that and I can’t say for sure it led to the right woman for me because it took so long, but something good will come of it. I must correct you, though, when you say that’s a part of your heart you will never get back. When you do find the right guy and let him in, every part of your heart you gave away will come back in spades. No card puns intended 😉

    1. awww, thanks David, that’s so sweet of you. i’ll take that hug any day! You’re so right – gotta give our hearts to Jesus. and gosh that gives me so much hope. i’ll take that card pun and run with it 🙂 🙂 🙂 no wait…i’ll *bet the house on it* 🙂 🙂 hehehe hugs x

  65. Hey BBB. Thanks for this post; there’s so much truth in it. I never really had a boyfriend, but I definitely encountered this sort of thing with friends and people I chose to be a sorta surrogate family to me (so much for that). It’s amazing how much dating advice is applicable to other, platonic relationships too.
    Best wishes, -Ana

  66. Ha, believe me, whether you’re experienced or not, tequila on an empty stomach is a bad combination (take it from a man who has drank his body weight in Bourbon); as is checking out Exes on Facebook…But forgive me for saying, it would be a fool who’d disregard you. Yet Jesus and HIS faith are but a guide, not a set of rules; live your life as you see fit, be happy, and be you; but remember to follow the Almighty’s path, and you will find yourself fulfilled and content no matter what. He loves us all, regardless. You’re to special to be alone.

  67. Love this post!!! It speaks so much truth about heartbreak and how waiting for the right someone can help you emotionally in the long run! xx

  68. “What if “guarding my heart” actually meant giving it to Jesus?

    What if I’m supposed to give it to Him to guard? Let Him keep it safe, and all the while, shaping it into a heart that’s ready to be given?” Love this <3

    I know you can overcome this challenging time. Keep on writing! 🙂

  69. I had sworn off all things connected with the nomenclature beautybeyondbones. It just wasn’t catching my fancy to read and … well, entertain myself towards, but I got suckered in here to read again by stupidity. And now, I’m wishing I hadn’t. I never thought I would find an individual at least …like…sounding as if that person’s life is more pitiful than mine. I thought I was batting the record. A perfect 1000. But then I read this one, and I just felt pity. I was like, Someone, Just please throw this woman a happy meal. (Like one of the two I had in my whole life.) A happy meal with a toy inside, like my Fraggle Rock toy I got years and years ago. So, please, somebody throw this woman a happy meal. I mean, come on, and this Jesus guy, why is He not paying attention? I mean, 1 am and still crying and writing and crying, and he still isn’t listening. He’s real good at ignoring me. He’s real good at annoying me, too, but I thought it was just me. You, too, huh? He can be funny, though. Got a great sense of humor.

    But to be honest, you know, you almost have to threaten to burn his house down before he’ll listen to ya. I know the guy. When he said, “Father, if possible, let this cup pass from me…” He really meant it. He kinda likes to block things out and stay in his “mode.” He’s told me about it. I could be, like, his unofficial photographer, you know, or something, if one were necessary. But he explained to me one time how he blocks things out and won’t let them have sway. I tried to dig deeper later when it dawned on me what he was saying, but the topic was cold, and he would have none of it.

    I have quite a time trying to get his ear. It’s a real crap shoot. The way I’ve seen him respond is people having lived through a suicide attempt and looking to him. He finally listens to them. Kinda stupid, I know. I’m just saying, you might have to threaten to burn his house down. He’s kinda a family man now. Settled down, if you know what I mean. Scream louder. He’ll have to listen. I’m not gonna be a go-between, though. That only gets messy. But I do know the guy. He’s not hard of hearing. He’s just…well, different. He’s hot ‘n cold, and to tell you truth, you’ll never know which and when. If he’s hot, take him for all he’s worth. That’s my advice. You might not catch him again for awhile. Please, woman, heal that hole in your heart, and don’t get in a relationship until you do. I married a woman with a hole in her heart. She thought a husband and family would heal it. I kinda foolishly thought that, too, temporarily. Didn’t work. And I mean, I’m a real charmer, something like a skunk with porcupine quills, but just a little bit worse. I know, Adorable. But, anyway, heal that hole in your heart, or you’re asking for trouble. I’m not speaking from experience on that one. I’m just taking a wild guess, like winning the lottery or something. Or roulette, but definitely, not the slot machines. Those are just way too time-consuming!!

  70. Amen 🙂

    I always told my daughters:
    When you give your body away,
    You give part of your spirit away.
    A part you will never get back.
    I had them watch their peers whom were active,
    and they witnessed how they lost their spirit,
    little by little over the years.
    They only time they seemed spirited is when
    they were in their Faux relationships.

    I told them sex was spiritual,
    Sex is reserved for your Mate.
    When two become as one, in a
    Marriage covenant made with God.

  71. “What if “guarding my heart” actually meant giving it to Jesus?”
    When I read that, I almost cried happy tears and a huge smile came to my face. I am so glad God brought you to that question and that He led you to share it with all of us.

  72. It’s one thing to follow the teaching of scripture and quite another to know HOW to follow it! The Holy Spirit has shown you how to guard your heart; Thanks for sharing with us!

  73. I come from a spiritual thought process – I believe to love oneself is the highest form of letting God (or whomever one prays to) in. And therefore, that is essentially like giving one’s heart to God. I say this because while I do believe in God, I am not a devoted, practicing religious person. I do what I can, though.

    Anyway – I believe the heart can get broken and not be whole. That we do to some extent give our heart away and for awhile there is a hole there. And if it was true love, that person may always have a bit of heart for eternity. I also believe the heart can grow and mend. There are no boundaries to how much love we can give out and when we meet the right person, it is like we have more room for them.

    I thought I loved my husband when before we got married. And even though there’s been rocky times in our marriage and neither of us are perfect, I didn’t fathom I could actually love him even more now. So for me, I have my own proof that love has no boundaries.

    Guarding one’s heart is not an easy, black and white concept. It’s a balance act – we definitely do not want to just give it away easily. But we also do not want to build walls around it so high we miss opportunities of letting wonderful people in. And this goes beyond just finding true love – it could be friendships of all kind or a distant relative whom could be much closer and more important to us. And what is true love and true happiness if we never experience heart break? If God gave us all the emotions of the rainbow and free will, he must want us to not just experience it all but exercise our own power in finding that balance and still be on a great path in life, right?

    It’s not easy indeed. But the most rewarding things in life are never easy, I am finding out…

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. There’s a lot of great food for thought here — I love that you say it’s a balancing act. So true! Hugs and love xox

  74. I love that you aren’t afraid to stand up for being a virgin! Love this post & what you have to say! Also I have to say I cried when I read this. I’m married & there were parts of my heart & emotions that I couldn’t give to my husband & they still haunt me to this day. There’s hope for peace though because of Jesus! ☺️

  75. As an official 40-year-old virgin (you read that right; I just turned 40 this year… oh yeah, and the virgin thing…), I can honestly say that I’ve been through plenty of moments in which I wrestled with myself about the topics of love, romance, and whether either of those things are even worth trying for. Every time a voice in my head says, “I don’t know if I can live another day alone,” there’s another voice that responds, “You’ve lived 40 years alone — almost 30 since you hit puberty — I think another day is possible.” I hate that latter voice, by the way, especially when it’s right and doesn’t allow me to feel sorry for myself.

    Then there’s another voice (Multiple voices in my head should be a scary thing, right?) that tells me that I have to be careful because the longer I go through life being alone, the more likely I am to allow someone in who may not be right for me, simply because I don’t want to be alone. This voice tells me I have to guard my heart. It doesn’t want me to be hurt, and it also doesn’t want me to be hurt anymore than I already have been. This is the voice that tells me that it was only in the past that I thought I could find love or be loved. This is the voice that tells me that I know better now. This is literally the voice of not trying anymore, of completely giving up.

    But there’s also another voice (yes, a fourth one), a small voice that only speaks to me when I absolutely need it. This other voice says to me, “Go ahead and not try anymore, for the time will come when you won’t have to try; it will simply happen, and you will simply know that it’s right.” I’m guessing that this is the same kind of voice that told you to give your heart to Jesus and allow him to guard it. It’s that voice of surrender; the voice that encourages you to let a higher power take control and lead you to the right place at the right time to be standing in front of the right person for you. And when this right place and right time and right person all intersect with you, what you feel will be the equivalent of knowing the entire future of the two of you as one: in every joyous moment, in every sad time, in every trial of doubt, and in every courageous act that pushes through any and all fears to bring you both back to the Heavenly bliss you know you deserve together. What you feel in that instance will be the right person restoring in you the pieces of your heart that you had given away, because that right person, without knowing, has been on a quest to find those pieces of your heart for the sole purpose of returning them to you. This is the voice that understands what it means to have a soulmate.

    And then there’s another voice that tells me that the previous voice is so full of crap, but I don’t think we need to get into that right now. Anyway, I hope you’re not put off by the length of this comment but have actually, somehow, enjoyed reading through all of it (and maybe had a tiny chuckle here and there), and I hope you get my message of what I’m trying to say here, which is that all of your waiting will absolutely be worth it, because you know that you deserve the best person God has waiting for you. I look forward to reading your posts about that person and how grateful you are that Jesus pointed specifically to him and whispered in your ear, “This is the one.”

    So next time you hear a song that makes you sad because it reminds you of someone who has a piece of your heart that you gave away, instead, allow that song to make you feel glad that the person collecting the missing pieces of your soon to be whole heart is well on his way. (I tried to make that rhyme; I’m not sure it worked out too well.) 🙂

    1. Hi Gabriel, thank you so much for sharing this beautiful comment and for sharing your heart. I so appreciate your support and encouragement. You’re so right – We’ve gotta listen to that 4th voice – the voice surrender. Because God really does have a good plan and to surrender is to trust 🙂 Thanks for stopping by. big hugs xo

  76. […] I read a post by BeautyBeyondBones called “Guarding My Heart Redefined.” [https://beautybeyondbones.com/2017/06/19/guarding-my-heart-redefined/] I noticed tears sprang up in my eyes as I came to the end of Caralyn’s post. I began to think […]

  77. Hi Caralyn:
    As always an honest and unflinching post.
    But the heartache of love is always “worth it” because the vulnerability of relationship is precisely what we are called into. Christians understand God to be Trinity: a mutual indwelling of loving relationship in which each Person of the Godhead is open to the others and also dwells in the others. By definition, therefore, God calls us into life lived for the sake of the other – God calls us into the risky, liminal space of relationship – with God and with our fellow humans.
    Which means that our faith calls us to be vulnerable. Which means that our faith necessarily calls us into moments of heartache and pain and loss. But as I think I mentioned on a previous occasion, as C S Lewis noted, what God wants is not for us to be happy (or unhappy), but to grow up – to love and be loved. And in order to do that we have to enter into the world of others and sometimes suffer heartache.
    Which is not to say we should put up with abuse or exploitation. That is NOT relationship. But it does mean we are called to risk – we cannot sit in self-constructed prisons or towers wanting to be “protected”. Because God will not protect us from suffering – instead, God offers us the far more ambiguous – but decidedly richer – gift of companionship and faithfulness, one that always ultimately affirms our worth and our worthiness of love. As Paul notes: God first loved us, that we might love one another.
    Blessings,
    Brendan.

    1. thank you so much for this beautiful response, Brendan. I really appreciate your thoughts. Amen – we are called to risk in relationships and love. that’s such a powerful thought – God first loved us that we might love one another. amen!! hugs x

  78. First, I loved your gifs! They were great LOL. Second, something that I have to remember from time to time is that there is no “using up” this good loving that I dish out. You love from an abundant space. It’s all in you and there is always more because you are it! You are big love. You are romantic love and you are magnificent love. So yeah, you gave some away but there is plenty where that comes from. Also, I once upon a time was saving it for marriage and let me tell you heartbreak is heartbreak sex or no sex. At least for me. Because really, your heart where the emotions are, not your vagina 😉.

  79. Thanks for this compelling post…reminding us all to surrender our hearts & our hurts to the Lordship of Jesus Christ! I commend you for keeping your body for your future husband…it’s Always worth it to do things God’s way. Having survived a series of broken hearts and marrying at age 28 with my V card mostly intact…it can be done, and that brokenness will likely recede into the mists of time, eventually. God is faithful. He will ultimately supply All you need in this life…and of course in the life to come!

    Blessings,

    Valerie Curren

      1. What a great & brave testimony of faith you have! You are not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ or of boldly proclaiming the Lover of Your Soul! Awesome Job, Valerie

  80. You have come to a spacious place for sure. We are meant to be gates not walls. And the Good Shepherd is supposed to be allowed to guard the gate and have say over who gets in and who doesn’t. The thing I have learned is even the ones the Shepherd lets in can turn on us once they are inside the sheep pen. I have my own list of sad songs to prove that one. That said the Good Shepherd in those cases becomes the Great Physician and can heal every wound. I am learning there is life in and after brokenness and it is not such a bad life after all. Be a gate.

  81. Great post!! Guarding our hearts is something we all must learn to do at every stage of life, but it’s so worth it! When we allow the Lord to protect our hearts, He absolutely saves the best for us!

  82. Very insightful Caralyn, You can safeguard yourself from everything else but when you unexpectedly hear that one particular song, that memory you tried so hard to suppress comes out front and center. You remember how you gave your heart and soul to that one person who you thought was your forever but ended up as a blip in your life’s journey. I lost count as to how many times I’ve done that, but I never gave up and grew stronger and wiser for it. Although I can never get back what was given away, my heart became whole from the love that was given from my soulmate’s heart. Thanks for sharing this!

  83. This made me laugh and I love it – so true… #dontberepunzell

    God doesn’t want me to pull a Rapunzel, and shut it away completely. Nor take the opposite extreme.

    He just wants me to give it to Him to protect. He’s the best Defender anyways.

  84. It’s amazing the power music has to take us down memory lane. You seem to glean much wisdom through your life journey and I’m sure that God is smiling at how you’ve chosen to touch many lives through your words and insights. Much Love. – Amy

    1. So true! Same with scents — they have great power to take us places in our memories too. thanks again, Amy 🙂 Hope you’re having a beautiful evening! hugs xo

  85. Debra Fileta makes the point in her book True Love Dates that ‘guarding your heart’ isn’t a terribly useful thought, because it “comes with very little practical application in that no one really knows how to put it into practice.”

    But what you say is true. Surviving the zombie apocalypse might keep us safe, but it is not the best way to love, or to learn how to love. In the end, pain isn’t the enemy, sin is. And that’s why moving forward, while letting Jesus keep watch over our hearts is the best way to go.

  86. From one writer to another, you use great adjectives. On another note, I’ve given my heart and body away, and now also find myself questioning how I’ll be able to find someone to give away my guarded heart to. I was struggling with it hard just the other night, crying out to God in my room because I didn’t know how to contain the passion I had for a family, which of course includes a sex drive. Then he gave me peace and sleep for I had work in the morning, and the next day (yesterday) led me to this sermon series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqmvcUdqhnw&list=PLQaqmuG3ihAsS2IJPCLoUzoM-z4mFWS7_

    -Frederik

  87. First of all, I’m proud to be acquainted with someone who has the strength to save themselves for marriage. It is an honorable decision. Second, I think you have the right idea about leaving your heart’s protection to Jesus. That’s because he can remake, reshape, and totally heal the heart. We shouldn’t be afraid to be vulnerable. It is, unfortunately, the only way (I believe) to truly be known.

    My wife separated in 2001 and then we divorced in 2004. I have not allowed myself any vulnerabilities and thus no relationships of a romantic nature. Because I was so incredibly hurt I inadvertently closed myself off. It has been a somewhat lonely life. Slowly though, I have been getting better. I have a long way to go though.

  88. A most beautiful post from a most beautiful person- heart, mind, body, and soul! Thank you for sharing this. It can feel very lonely when going through it but reading that others have gone through similar obstacles somehow makes it a little easier to bare. You are not alone.<3

  89. As always, you’re inspiring and humorous. You’re right to allow Jesus to guard your heart and to guard your body as well. He won’t let you down. Continue to trust Him. He has greatness waiting for you. Wait for Him!

  90. Hi BBB,

    I am always encouraged to read your posts, especially as you keep pitting the Lord first. Jesus guards your heart and He is the reason you can live the right person. Especially in the times we live building a Godly relationship will be a witness to those who need to know where their hope should be placed.

    Have a great NY state of mind,

    Gary

    On Mon, Jun 19, 2017 at 4:00 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “There are certain things that I’ve vowed never > to do again… Number one: Drink tequila on an empty stomach. Number two: > Google myself. Number three: Look up ex-boyfriends on Facebook. Because let > me tell you, it is a swift punch in the gut to see” >

  91. This post reminded me of a pain I have carried around for more than 25 years, of my first boyfriend when I was 13 years old, and his breaking up with me. I responded in anger and hurt, which caused him to despise me. He later married one of my closest friends from school, someone who I felt inferior to because she was prettier and more popular than I was.

    I’m very happily married now, but there was still this nugget of pain inside me, of feeling ‘second best’. I was ‘friends’ on Facebook with my old school friend, and it hurt to see pictures of their family. This week I brought it to Jesus and asked him to heal that old pain, and I believe that He has. He can take all the pain and ugliness of our pasts, and the things that we regret, and use it for His glory.

    1. Hey Friend, Thanks so much for sharing your story. Gosh I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. That sounds like it was heartbreaking. I’m glad that Jesus has healed that wound. God is good. You are definitely not second best….you are the precious daughter of the King:) Sending so much love and hugs xox

  92. Love. Has honesty included. It makes up for everything else that love was not before, love. I’ve thought a lot about love. Waiting is good. Hearts break because we love not because we do not love.

      1. I had a pretty dangerous job in the military. We were married on a whim and she played it for me in the car. Then, again when I finally made it back.

  93. Obviously, I’m catching up on a few weeks of being occupied elsewhere. And, I’m reading posts from most recent to where I left off. In doing so, I see a connection being the feeling of the emotions of loss here and your post some days in the future about consoling a friend about his mourning. Feel on… – Oscar

  94. It is so interesting that I came across this post tonight. For several weeks now, I have been reflecting on that I give myself away emotionally to people I come across in daily life. I thought that then people would get a glimpse of me…my thoughts and energy…my spirit. Instead, I am painfully learning not to do so…and will no longer offer up the goodness of myself to everyone. I deserve that respect and love for myself, and appreciate it far more than a random stranger. Many blessings…

  95. Hello Caralyn,
    This is such a beautiful post. You do have to protect your heart and your story, but you also get to choose who you share your beautiful story with. Your heart is so beautiful, true, and pure and with Jesus as your defender you are unstoppable.
    Even then, it is still hard to know what to save and what to share. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
    I admire you so much for your strength, but also your ability to be candid and vulnerable.

    This is a little off topic, but for some reason this made me think of a website called “Albion-services.”
    https://www.albion-services.com

    It is a website that uses facial recognition to find out if someone is on Tinder. It seemed kind of unreal when I first came across it (like something you would see in a movie) kind of unreal, but I have friends who actively use Tinder and said that it saved them a lot of heartache.
    I think it was when you said, “Do we never let anyone in so as not to get hurt, or do we risk the potential heartache and give our precious heart to anyone worth a “swipe right?” that made me think of Tinder.

    Here is a post I wrote about Albion a little while ago:

    https://livingoutloud.blog/2017/06/12/are-they-faithful

    You are in my thoughts and prayers always, my Dear Darling Friend.

    <3 Alana

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