Guarding My Heart: Redefined

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

There are certain things that I’ve vowed never to do again…

Number one: Drink tequila on an empty stomach.

Number two: Google myself.

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Number three: Look up ex-boyfriends on Facebook.

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Because let me tell you, it is a swift punch in the gut to see what they’re up to and who they ended up with. Just heart ache that I’d rather not have to deal with, you know?

So I’ve made Facebook a safe zone…not even Zuckerberg-style “Friends” with them on there.

However…music is still a crap shoot.

Because sometimes, you’ll be listening to the singer/songwriter station, and you’ll get accosted by The Song. And this one in particular, is Howie Day’s Collide. It was our song.

And it came on tonight. Just a little while ago, actually.

And to be totally honest, I had another post planned for tonight…but that was until I heard this 00’s angsty crooner, and was fighting back tears.

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And as I was sitting in the car, in the garage, feeling this rush of a myriad of emotions, I found myself grappling with this one thought:

Giving my heart away.

What was the price? Because, honestly, getting verklempt every time that dumb song comes on certainly seems a bit much, right?

Was it worth it?

It’s no secret on here that I’m saving sex until marriage.

Yeah, you read that correctly…I’m a virgin….

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But just because I haven’t given my body away, doesn’t mean that I haven’t given parts of my heart away.

And was it worth it?

*Sigh* That is a tough question. And, I don’t know if it’s the 2 vodka/sodas I had with my sister-in-law tonight, or my present emotional conundrum, but it’s 1am, and it’s literally keeping me “up at night,” wide awake, writing this post.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve grown up being taught that my heart was worth protecting. That it was to be guarded.

And so as any good little Catholic girl, I did just that. Perhaps, to a fault…says the painfully single twenty-something…

But I guess I can see, that advice is for a good reason.

I did give a part of my heart to him. A part that I can never get back. A part that I cannot give to my future husband one day.

But more than anything, it’s a hole. A little peep hole that allows me to peek through and revisit that person in my mind. A little potential looking spot that causes me to have to block him on Facebook, and swear off old high school yearbooks.

But it makes me truly question then, how one can find love while still guarding their heart?

Do we never let anyone in so as not to get hurt, or do we risk the potential heartache and give our precious heart to anyone worth a “swipe right?”

And I had two thoughts.

Number one: This visceral response to a fricking Howie Day song is positively confirmation that I am 100% making the right decision about saving myself until marriage.

If this is how my heart responds after a relationship that didn’t involve sex, I cannot imagine how completely obliterated my spirit would be had I given my body away, too.

But Number Two: It made me question the true meaning of “guarding my heart.”

And all this time, I pictured in my mind this impenetrable box that could withstand the zombie apocalypse.

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But what if that’s not the meaning at all?

What if I’ve been dead wrong the whole time?

What if “guarding my heart” actually meant giving it to Jesus?

What if I’m supposed to give it to Him to guard? Let Him keep it safe, and all the while, shaping it into a heart that’s ready to be given?

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That’s the real way to guard and protect it.

God doesn’t want me to pull a Rapunzel, and shut it away completely. Nor take the opposite extreme.

He just wants me to give it to Him to protect. He’s the best Defender anyways.

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Howie Day’s Collide, it may always have a little hold on my heart. I mean, I confess, after hearing it tonight, I may or may not have busted out the old yearbooks and scrapbooks, and taken a painful trip down memory lane.

But I bet if I give my heart to Jesus to protect, He’ll be able to shape it so that I can let that acoustic accompaniment go. And Collide will no longer cause an emotional collision between past and reality.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

340 thoughts on “Guarding My Heart: Redefined”

  1. It’s a real challenge and I think you explore the meaning of it well. I think we can share our heart without giving it away. I still have feelings for earlier loves, now dead(literally given my age.) But I don’t think that has diminished the amount of heart available for my husband. My friends, some now dead also, have shares of my heart. Again, I don’t think that diminishes how much heart remains for my new friends. I tend to think that our heart keeps expanding rather than shrinking.

    Liked by 6 people

    2. I like to think my heart is the same – there is pain at the thought of lost friends but it expands to allow more children, more friends and the love and acceptance of more & more of Simon. Because even after 20+ years, I am still learning more of him. Thanks Elizabeth!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers…Garth Brooks.

    I sometimes wonder and stalk my past. You wanna know where you stand now in relation to where you could have been. Life has a way of looking out for you as well as screwing you over. Funny how it all works.

    Like

  3. What an epiphany huh? It’s amazing how God will use yearbooks, a Howie Day’s Collide song, 2 vodka/ soda, etc to give you that Divine nudge :):) He will work it out, but, I know, I am preaching to the choir on this because you already know this 🙂 He will bring you the husband He wants you to have 🙂 God bless you my friend xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Youll find the answers best for you. Just never devalue yourself because you are special and a great life is waiting for you I hope 😊
        Hugs xox

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey BBB,
    I can definitely understand where your coming from about getting dumped or abused by a significant other. However, I have to disagree with you. I don’t think you can ever truly give yourself away to anyone else. The heart may be broken but it always grows back bigger than before. People can make you feel like they’ve taken your power but they are just deceiving you. You can always take your power back, as you are beginning to. And as for the music one can always find a way to counter it. Here this song from the motion picture Begin Again may help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk5GvfIZG-g
    Best,
    David

    Like

    1. Thanks David, for this thought provoking response. I think there’s a lot of truth in that … the heart does grow, and our challenges and heart ache only add to the sweetness of the love we have to give 🙂 if that makes sense hah…thanks for stopping by! big hugs xox

      Like

  9. You are such a wonderful ray of sunshine in today’s decaying morality. I am so proud of you for saving your body and letting God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit guard and protect your heart. If I had a daughter I would want her to be like you. God bless you, and never doubt that you will know when the right man finds you. When he does, he will be blessed. Hugs to you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I can so relate to protecting your heart so you don’t get hurt, but I love your idea of giving it to Jesus. That’s way more positive and reassuring. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I had just passed an old flame from high school a few days ago, and I’ll agree, it is like a punch to the face- a million memories of the past, all rushing back at once. Reading this post, which was perfect timing by the way, assured me that saving myself for marriage is the right way and that God will always be there to protect.

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  12. I love this. I was guarding my heart in all the wrong ways myself. I ended up hurting myself more than anything. I have over time to let go and let God have His way. Still it can be hard at moments. I’m getting better with it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thanks for sharing this Shi, You’re right, it is always a tough road. I’m sending so much love. hang in there. God’s timing and way are perfect 🙂 Trusting is easier said than done, but we’re both on that journey! 🙂 thanks for stopping yb! hugs xox

      Liked by 2 people

  13. You are absolutely right. We do give our hearts as we search around for that soul mate, and even after marriage eventually one finds a part of the heart remains with those we’ve loved. But when that special moment comes and there is mutual commitment to spending the rest of the life together there is a greater love that develops over time and the heart expands to take that in and relegate those past loves to a distant memory to be treasured still though faithful to the final commitment made. And yes, Jesus is the over riding factor that keeps us true to each other too.

    Like

  14. I do not know if my heart ever truely loses pieces. It’s just those heartbreaking experiences that shape me and change me to a better more loving me. Having two kids and a classroom full of students shows me that it can share a lot of my heart letting it expand to so many. I don’t hold on to those experience which bring me pain. I only embrass those giving me love and joy. ❤️

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  15. Methinks broken-heart pain is much worse than physical pain – but Jesus is a great Healer of all things broken. Opening our hearts is a journey to be taken together, one step at a time – as Jesus knits two hearts together in His love. Let your heart continue to rest in the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and He will lead & guide your heart’s steps. Hugs & hugs & lots of 💜!! Virginia 😎

    Liked by 2 people

    2. Just jumping in with a thought – broken heart pain IS physical pain. When we experience rejection the pain centres in our brain light up. Taking pain relievers (not recommending just stating a fact) actually minimizes our emotional wounds – that’s how closely they are linked. That’s why we must care for our emotional wounds like we would for a broken bone or other physical injury.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. “True and lasting love happens whenever two hearts connect beyond the minds ability to justify…you can’t hunt down love, not how it works! Getting to know yourself allows you to be genuine, and accepting less just because you’re restless? That’s how 1/2 of marriages end in court😳

    Like

  17. I’ve guarded my heart like a champion. No stray emotional attachments whatsoever. When other people cuddle and coo at a tiny baby or the umpteenth cat video or a sleeping puppy … nothing. When other people are laughing at a funny video or cringing at a pain-inducing stunt gone wrong … nothing. I’m not even empathetic or kind or compassionate – as all three traits are dependent upon forming an emotional connection to someone to share what they’re feeling, to opening yourself to another no matter what, to want to ease another person’s misery – such things are forbidden because they make you open your heart and keep it unguarded.
    Would you like to know what I’ve learned? My heart has become two sizes too small because of neglect and not putting it to use. There’s no reward for this – just misery and isolation and fear … lots of that. Because what if that errant smile cheers up somebody and is stolen from it’s rightful future owner? What if the attempt to console a friend means taking away from your ability to console a spouse?
    Love is not a quantity – something that you can run out of and never get a re-fill ever again. Emotions connect us – they tell us about our inner condition and reigning them in too tightly is damaging.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, Jamie. It sounds like you have quite the story. I think you’re right – we can never run out of love. thanks for sharing your heart with us. big hugs xox

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      1. I only got this way because of fear, fear that if I give up my love now, I won’t have any love left to love with at all later. Doesn’t the Bible say that perfect love casts out fear? Someone who loves you won’t make you afraid that they’d only love you more or better if you hadn’t loved others – that’s not the message of the Bible.

        Like

  18. So, I know I’ve recommended a song to you before.
    I basically live my life to a soundtrack. Sorry.
    But this post so reminded me of a song that I used to listen to when I was dealing with similar struggles. Wanting to love someone, wanting to be loved, wanting that prince charming to come….you know how it is. And no matter how much I thought about it, the pain wouldn’t leave. It actually grew. I never did get into a relationship with someone. Instead I fantasized and obsessed over what it would be like. But then I realized something, and it’s exactly what your saying in this post. I knew who I should give my heart to.

    Around that time I was listening to a song by Barlowgirl called Average Girl. It’s a song about waiting for love. But there is one line in there…”if you get tired waiting ’til he comes…God’s arms are the perfect place to run.”
    So that’s what I did. I ran to God. I went looking for a prince and I found a King instead. 🙂

    I would encourage you to listen to the song.

    For me, I never met a guy worth sharing my heart with until I had long given it to God. Now I’ve met him, and we’re getting married. You know what? Sometimes I’m running to God ABOUT him. (granted, God usually points out that I have more than my fair share of guilt in whatever matter it is.) But most of the time we’re running together. God brought our relationship about, and He is with us in the good and the bad. I praise God that I had to wait and cry and wonder why it was taking so long, because He knew better than me. People have told you waaayyyyy too many times and if you’re anything like me you won’t really care to hear this yet another stinkin’ time…but it’s true. God’s plans are perfect.

    Wait for a running partner. A battle buddy. Someone who will fight FOR you and WITH you. That’s what I pray for you. For now, and forever, God’s arms are the perfect place to be.
    Shalom, Caralyn.

    Yael Eliyahu

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Yael! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who lives life by a soundtrack! thanks for sharing this. I’m so happy for you that you’re getting married and have found your heart partner! that’s so wonderful 🙂 I really appreciate your terrific advice!! amen to that – His arms are the BEST place! 🙂 big hugs xo

      Liked by 1 person

  19. This brought me to tears just about. You are such an inspiration and there are not many people out there like you. I think it’s amazing your waiting till marriage and when that day happens you will be so happy and look back at this post and smile 🙂 I wish the best of luck to you and I love reading your blog! Stay true to yourself and continue to wow us.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Are you okay with me referring to this post in my next post and sending my readers back to your site? This inspired something in me that I just sat down to write and want to share the inspiration.

        Like

      3. Fantastic! Hopefully I’ll put it together by Wednesday. I’m just jotting notes right now. I am touched by your insights. God Bless! Milly

        Like

  21. Wow… I love all of your posts, but I love this one especially. I’ve never thought about giving my heart to Jesus to protect. Thank you for that piece of advice- it’s beautiful (just like you!)

    Liked by 2 people

  23. I always look forward to reading your posts! They are always so thoughtful and I have definitely been encouraged by reading your blog. Thank you for liking my posts. If it weren’t for that, I may never have discovered Beauty Beyond Bones. I think it was a little gift from God.
    God bless you and your family! 🙂

    Like

  24. I like this but I got to say I’m not a virgin because their times where sex could happen or what I don’t recall happen, but my last drunken sex with a roommate I fell for and I can remember very good of it, but my judgement was clouded, but we handle it as an adults, I won’t get in details on it, but I’m a lover and had a few childhood grade school girlfriends and took a break on the whole girl stuff in middle school and high school.
    I have to say that might of not been a wise choice of high school proms and all, and yes I am Catholic but not all that good of one, because I would of like to loose my true virginity in high school. Sorry to say but my virginity was taken from me when I was young, so the first time wasn’t special to me.
    But anyways, I use to feel the same way and still feel the same way, even know with some people it doesn’t happen that way and with me being a lover, I have good charms with women without trying and my heart don’t stay broken for that long anymore and being rejected doesn’t hurt all that much with me also. I also fall in love with women easy, but my last in counter with my roommate is teaching me an life lesson on my jealous steak that I need to learn to handle that emotion better then I am now, but anyways it won’t be right for me to be with her, and it was an one time thing mistake that shouldn’t had happen, but it was fun, but wrong.
    So on my jealous streak that is better now after knowing my roommate guy friend and theirs nothing going on, but if their was, it not my problem anyways, it will be hers and her spirited rated husband who is in jail and will be out shortly, but I have to say I don’t like her guy friend being around because of what happen between her and me, is still in my mind, but I can get over it, and I been keeping my mind on other things.
    I haven’t had time to go to AA yet. but I ask for the night off for the AA meeting that I didn’t say why at work, just that I needed that night off. I thinking AA will help with my drinking and for what I’m going through right now with drinking when I do that won’t help, but it will make it worst with my true emotions, that isn’t being truly heal right, and me with drinking is a way to get those emotions out, but with this problem that isn’t going to work, but male it worst-er than is now

    Like

      1. It’s not to badly hurt just got invof with a roommate that you shouldn’t to. I also getting stress out by it but my ride who is my landlord listerns to the christen radio and they say “when you stress, you just believing lies in you head” that does make lot of sense but I also try not to get with someone who is in a relationship/married because I don’t like to ruin relationships.

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    2. Michael you have to stop beating up on yourself and comparinh yourself to others. Your life your journey. There is no such thing as a good or bad Catholic despite what some would have you think. Unless they are walking on water they are far from being where they can comment on you. That’s why so many find solace in the 12 Step Community. If you can get to meeting please go it will help save your life in more ways than one. Talk with the Elders those who have long term-sobriety. Also don’t expect things to change overnight. You didn’t pop out of a box this way, it will take time a A LOT of patience. It also will not be easy by any means. Find a good therapist and sponsor who will not co-sign on your BS but tell you what you don’t want to hear. This is what I tell my clients. Good luck.

      Like

      1. Yeah I know I been to them before, just haven’t went over few years now because I have been in rehab before by choice and they went to both AA and NA and NA sees alcoho as a drug to but I like AA betterr because I’m more of an alcoholic. I was also talking more on my true behovor that I learn to change to be a better person that I am now, and I already know my anger and not scare of it, I just don’t want to be the person I was in teens anymore or become that person again.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Stay strong. If I may, I recommend the book The Four Agreements. Great book I recommend to my peeps all the time. All the best to you in your journey.

        Like

  25. I don’t suppose you were sitting in the garage over your lack of driving skills? Sorry. Had to. Listen, my comments for tonight are not going to be at Patreon. This is just for your eyes in your email. Taking a deep breath and hitting send…

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    1. Hahaha thanks Jeff….no, contrary to popular belief, though I am nearly a NYer, I *can* drive a car!!! hahahahaha Thanks so much, Jeff, I look forward to reading your reflection. Hope you’re having a great night. hugs x

      Liked by 1 person

  26. God is forming your heart and molding you into a beautiful and wise woman. It is a gift and blessing to have gained this insight into God’s transforming power in your life. He will take you to the mountaintop, and you will find the love he is preparing for you and the joy your heart longs for! Never give up hope, never give in to the ways of the world – you are on the RIGHT PATH!!

    Like

    1. wow, i am so encouraged by this beautiful response. thank you so much! amen to that! God has transforming POWER and isn’t that such a comfort! thanks for this message of hope. you are a blessing to me! hugs xo

      Like

  27. Lovely post. This was a great reminder for me that there are many things the Lord wants us to give our hearts to Him to guard. For me, it would be my fertility issues in the midst of most of my friends having babies. Although honestly, I’m not sure whether He’s guarding my heart and that’s why I don’t feel the pain as much anymore, or if I’ve just become emotionally numb, but hey, it works either way.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much friend. Amen to that – He is just begging us to give those things to Him. I’m so sorry you’re walking through that pain right now. I am right there in that fertility-issues-boat with you. Know that you are in my prayers. Sending you so much love. God has a plan for you that is good. And it may not be exactly what we think it should look like, but it will end up being exactly what it’s supposed to be. I have to hold to that hope. You have the heart of a parent. He will not abandon you. 🙂 Sending hugs x

      Like

  28. I just want you to know, me too. I feel your pain. In an act of shameless self-promotion I will even paste the link to my post… https://culturalatheist.wordpress.com/2016/10/01/broken-records/
    Beyond that, can I share my first thought? It was, “Girl, you’re bonkers!” But then you might say I am so right (because, well, I am usually, right?) and I didn’t want that. I agree with your many comments that the heart can love in abundance. The person who said they guarded their heart and it became two sizes too small was right on. We are called to love bolding, fiercely, in such a way that it’s an actual witness to God’s own amazing and so deep love!
    I like your conclusion. If we let God rule the heart, hold it and shape it, we are in the best position. He will lead us to love the unloved, he will help us have healthy boundaries in our relationships, he will heal our hearts when they are battered and bruised.
    Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story. You always make me think a little deeper.

    Like

    1. I absolutely love that thought: loving in a way that witnesses to His love – now that is some powerful stuff! I think we should all try to live in that love! Thanks for your encouragement, Brad. You’re so great:) Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I always was an over-achiever, so it only makes sense that I’d fall to one extreme or the other. I remember when my church taught me about soul ties, how any emotional attachment I made to a crush would rip out pieces of my heart and it would forever be ruined like the way the strong glue can rip away pieces of whatever it’s been stuck to. What they didn’t tell me was that purging emotion would also make the emotional component of love nearly impossible to learn. I find people who have crushes on me to be annoying because they like me a whole lot more than I like them (which is not at all because I’m very well practiced at not feeling anything). Here I am watching folks a lot younger than me get married and have kids and wondering what I did wrong. The only answer I have is that I learned my lesson far too well.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hit “like” only because it sounds as if you’re on a healing journey. Maybe it’s not so much you did wrong – you were doing what you thought was right – but now you have woken to a new possibility?

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      2. wow that is quite a powerful and strong analogy they gave. I guess at the end of the day, we have to weigh whether the risk of the former out weighs the risk of the latter, you know what I mean?

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      3. I think I am on a healing journey, the first part of which is deconstructing these teachings and figuring out how to build a new structure, testing which walls to keep, and which ones to tear down – and given how walled off my emotions are from me – I’m guessing a lot of these barriers will have to go. A big component for me is just accepting my emotions … which I really don’t know how to do. How do you learn how to laugh, how to cry, how to be angry? It’s one of those things that you don’t have to teach a little child so I don’t have a frame of reference.

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      4. They never talk about the risks of the other extreme, either you’re obedient and God smiles or you’re disobedient and God frowns, but he’s a forgiving guy so it’s okay in the end.

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  29. Such deep wisdom for so young a person. The Lord’s goodness just keeps growing. I have two grand daughters going on thirteen, twins. They both just discovered the love of Jesus and have been asking me deep questions for their being so new in Christ. I believe your blog helps me to answer some of them so they understand. May the Lord continue blessing you so richly in His wisdom. May the Lord keep you with His loving presence as He guides you through and to the good things he has in store for you!

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    1. Thanks for sharing this GW. gosh I am so glad to hear that about your grand daughters! That’s so great!! And thanks for your kind words about my blog 🙂 I’m so glad our paths crossed 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  30. I first want to say, thank you for liking my new blog post. It allowed me to discover your website! I can officially say you have gained a new fan! lol I love your writings! I had to immediately go follow your website! And I love this post! I’ve had many conversations about guarding our hearts. Beautifully written! I’m happy I came across your page! God bless you beautiful! ❤️

    Like

  31. Thank you for sharing. I’m still trying to figure out a lot of stuff regarding relationships; what little relationship experience I’ve had has mostly been negative, as I’ve said, and I’ve never really had a healthy functioning relationship (the closest I’ve come to that was a medium-distance relationship so we didn’t see each other in person all the time). But it’s good to read your thoughts.

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  32. Facing loves of the past is always tricky. But keeping ones heart closed and reserved can be tricky too. I have a friend who was like a revolving door with that. She would open her heart, get hurt, vow to protect it, then less than a week later, OPEN FOR BUSINESS, and then the same progression would repeat, and repeat, and it just got crazy. I never found much worth in what I let my heart be open to, until I left it up to Jesus. He guided me and helped me understand why this or that didn’t work out. It wasn’t an easy path, but later realized, a path more wisely taken. You have a wonderful heart and nobody can just steal it from you. But nobody can force you to close it either. Jesus has helped you in so many ways and he will help guide your wonderful heart! Love always!!

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      4. Hey U!! This is something I wrote after last weekend in NYC. It was a good time. I went to San German and Johnny Albino music shops in Brooklyn and also Moore St. Market. Then I went over to a poetry event at Barnes and Noble and to Despana Foods in SoHo.
        This is what I wrote in response to the ongoing gentrification and up up upperscale catering that is going on in the city. I haven’t seen as many people sleeping on the ground under coats, or one who was huddled in a corner of the M train, or outright beggers (not performers with their cases open, just BEGGERS) like that, since my 1st trip there ever in 1981, when things there were still trying to dig out of the rough economy the city experienced in the 70s. The thing is, many in shelters and etc.. now are hard workers who’s salaries can’t live up to what the city is doing. Its not the welfare waifs like the old days. Anyway this is called “Stop Erasing The True Colors”

        Can you see?
        Can you see
        me?
        Do you see
        do you see
        me do you
        see the real
        me part of
        me all of me?
        I am here
        in front of
        your face do
        I strike fear
        into your happy
        place I have a
        face I have a
        voice If you will
        not see or hear
        me that is your
        ignorant choice.
        I have a real
        mind a real
        heart a real
        soul I am of
        real color with
        real joy to
        extoll.
         
        Every day you
        pass me by
        you have a
        chance to see
        my eyes instead
        you opt to keep
        your eyes on your
        prize your little
        device like artificial
        eyes in disguise full
        of artificial love
        that only spreads
        real lies as you
        return to your
        senseless
        soulless
        colorless
        glass shoebox
        that makes you
        feel entitled to
        rise higher than
        the realities that
        are found below
        the skies.
         
        People sleeping on
        the floor on the
        ground while you
        have your earbuds
        to drown out the
        sound of the
        many hard workers
        around you whose
        futures have drowned
        while you pay homage
        only to your royal
        self whom you feel
        entitled to have
        crowned.
         
        The links of the
        chain of chains
        is choking the
        urban vibe into
        a suburban pain
        while chains
        themselves are
        struggling and
        closing more and
        more the cities get
        a hosing down defacing
        with more chains
        popping giving indy
        business and
        neighborhood character
        a mindless replacing.
         
        The expression and
        character of the
        theatre the
        musicals the
        plays even
        Broadway The
        Great White Way
        who is to say they
        are immune every
        overture every
        entr’acte every
        TONY winning
        tune who’s to
        say that some
        day all those
        theatres couldn’t
        get shown the way
        being chased to The
        Jersey Burbs in a really
        big hurry with a
        senseless vision of
        “A Musical Mall” or
        a village of theatres
        like Branson
        Missouri?
         
        Walk with me
        dance with me
        hear my music
        see my art
        read my poetry
        eat my food
        learn my language
        wear my clothes
        choosing just one
        one of those
        would give you a
        true and proactive
        start toward
        experiencing what life
        in New York or other
        cities could be you
        need to come down
        to earth this planet
        of your birth and
        visualize and
        realize and
        rationalize so that
        maybe we can
        rematerialize what lives
        in New York and
        other cities should
        be.
         
        ~Miguel

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      6. Thank you and you know the blushes are out!! ::) I have a video of some of where I went that day that I am posting on my page soon. Its short but ok. You are so wonderful!! xoxoxo

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  33. I always love the positivity inside of your posts and how you are able to center around God.
    You are an intelligent, beautiful and principled young woman, but you provide an inspiration that is a joy. I have no doubts that Jesus will protect your heart.

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  34. Caralyn, I wonder if part of the conundrum is with “how” we give our hearts away in a dating relationship. Maybe the first thing to determine in dating is why? Is it only to have fun, or is it because we each are looking for a marriage partner? If we each aren’t looking for someone to commit our lives to in marriage, why are we even allowing any physical relationship? (I’m not even talking sex.) Our culture assumes that those passionate romantic scenes are a privilege of adulthood for anyone we enjoy being with, without thinking about the consequences to our hearts. Maybe giving that part of us wasn’t meant for just anyone because it too gives too much away. Getting to know someone is hard enough, but once you add in physical passion, even kissing, it begins a whole new level. I’m beginning, in my older age, to realize that if we limited the physical for the one we’re going to marry, we help protect our hearts for the one God is preparing to handle our hearts best. Not because we set up prudish rules, but for the reason of guarding that special part of us that longs to love and be loved lavishly for the rest of our lives. I really wonder if the whole dating thing for the purpose of just having fun sets us up for a fall. Just some things rolling around in my head.

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    1. thank you so much for this thoughtful response. there’s definitely a lot to think about here. I think there’s a lot of truth in the fact that we have to examine the why we are dating. that’s a powerful thing to do. thanks for stopping by and the great food for thought! big hugs xox

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  35. Oh Miss Caralyn so this afternoon I went into the one space in the house where I experience great freedom, my sewing studio. Life has been a bit challenging of late, and I’m entirely uncertain of where God is leading. It’s incredibly hard at moments. My sewing machine sits on a table and right over that, on the wall, is a Crucifix, to pause, pray, look at, consider, hold on to.
    When you spoke of guarding your heart, letting Jesus do that work a couple of thoughts popped into my head. You already do this! In looking up the Scriptural reference http://www.usccb.org/bible/proverbs/4. The way you diligently care for your physical person, is the same way you care for your heart. Guarding isn’t a physical fortress. Guarding is First the Eucharist, prayer, scripture and spiritual reading. It’s a “diet” of the good stuff which draws us closer to Jesus.
    This is a reminder for me. To feed my soul the good stuff, to guard my heart, to draw closer to Jesus!
    So guard away!!

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    1. Hi Teri, gosh this is such a beautiful response. thank you so much! Amen! Thank you for that reminder…that is so important as to WHY we choose to guard our hearts in the first place, and that’s because it’s the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit!! That is so so important to remember…thank you for reminding me! seriously!! I can get so caught up in the romance of it all, that I can sometimes forget who’s taking up residence there. And what a comforting thought that is…we are really never alone. thanks for stopping by and for your kind words. hope you have a blessed week! hugs xo

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  36. ALL that is lost is found in Him, even that piece of your heart that you gave away.

    Jesus, you can make Caralyn’s heart whole again, before her husband comes into focus. Speak strength into her heart. And life. And boldness.

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  37. I can truly understand the situation how it feels. Dealings with such feelings is tough. Unlearning things takes time. But i tell you, let that shit go! Waiting for the right thing is worth it.

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  38. Re read your dear future husband, and, nothing is ever wasted

    … you’re right, to respect love

    To know intimacy well, and to fear. And to continue on

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    1. thanks so much David, and gosh – i really appreciate you going back and reading that post. that was one of my favorites. Yes – gotta respect love. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! have a great Tuesday! hugs x

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  40. Stay strong, sister! Thirty year old virgin here… and I went through a broken engagement! So glad I didn’t buy into the lie that “we love each other, so it’s okay… we’re going to get married anyway…” because we didn’t!

    A wise woman once told me that a big part of guarding your heart is guarding your mind – keeping guard over where you let your thoughts go; taking captive every thought to make them obedient to Christ.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that, Aurora, I really appreciate your encouragement. I’m sorry to hear that the engagement didn’t work out, but you know what? That just means that God is preparing the right man for you right this very minute 🙂 Guarding our minds and thoughts – now that is a powerful thought!! such great advice. thank you so much friend 🙂 big hugs xx

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  41. First, let me say that I am proud of you saving yourself for marriage. It will be worth the wait. Second, I loved that song, but I know how music can affect us emotionally. Finally, Proverbs 4:23 says “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life”. This is something we all must do. I appreciate your openness and honesty. I just hope you are who you say you are and not a made up carricture of someone you wish you were.

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  42. Really like this post. I’ve been very encouraged by The Peaceful Wife blog. She also writes for singles on the Peaceful Single Girl blog. She is very Christ centered in her writing. It’s all about our relationship with Jesus first.

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  43. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and authentic! I was diabetic and I had food poisoning and went into a diabetic coma last year. My near death experience taught me that, when it comes to love, “I’d rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” Yes, sometimes love can hurt terribly, but I only have one life and I’d rather live it feeling and sharing my love with others than hording it and taking it to the grave alone.

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  44. Just a thought: you gave part of your heart away and find yourself missing it? Well, it probably misses you, too. Honor that choice. When you feel that longing, tell it: “Hey, yeah, I love you, too. Why don’t you come back to me?”

    And if that ex-flame doesn’t relinquish it back to you? Well, he probably didn’t love you as much as he loved himself, and didn’t deserve it.

    I’ve been thinking about this as regards Revelation when John writes about men “defiling themselves with women.” That’s at least in part about taking pieces out of women and trying to mash them together into an “ideal” and ending up with a twisted, confused, conflicted mess that really wishes to be free. I wish you ladies would stop enabling us.

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      1. A young lady was flirting with me one night at a dance event, and broke off in mid-sentence. After she had started breathing again, she announced “You’re like a committee!” It’s clearer in my case because I am conscious of the input I receive from my constituents, but it’s true of all of us. We are composite personalities – some of us more harmonious than others.

        Jesus taught us to surrender ourselves to our neighbors, but that doesn’t mean that we should ignore the neighbors that live within us. We need to love ourselves at least in the sense of paying attention to the spirits that chose to animate our bodies and minds, or eventually they either break or move out.

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  45. Jumbled thoughts — The Trinity is all about relationships. Father, Son, Spirit. We are made in His image and likeness. We are meant to have relations with our fellow man. Acquaintances, Friendships, Love. He loved and lost. Still He never stopped loving… Now if only I made sense. 🙂

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  46. Beautiful post ❤ I totally relate to you.. there are songs that I didn't listen to for years because I was afraid of them taking me back to that broken place I had bolted shut. But then I decided to take them back and give them new memories… the past can totally get a hold of us. I think that saving your body, saving your virginity is the bravest thing anyone can do. I had that goal and then I gave it away, carelessly… Believe me I've paid in tears and emptiness… Now, even then there is hope because God restores us, He makes us new and even replaces the missing parts that we give away…even though we can't give our old selves… now we can give something new. Not by our own strength, power, or will but even better, restored parts of ourselves because they come from Him. Thank you ❤

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    1. Hi K, thank you so much for this thoughtful response. yeah it’s really incredible the power that songs have to bring us back to different times in our lives. Thanks for your kind words. Amen ! He restores us! hugs xox

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  48. Love this post. Thank you for your honesty (I’ve always admired that about your blog). I’ve been divorced and remarried and honestly, the radio can be my biggest enemy. Not because the songs make me miss my ex, but they tug at a part of my heart that I gave away. I want Jesus to have full ownership of my life and heart and I’m grateful for this post because it reminds me of that. Keep up the good work!

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    1. Hi Nicole! Thank you so much 🙂 Yeah, isn’t it crazy how songs can just transport us back to a certain place and time. Yeah, we’ve gotta protect that heart. Thanks for your kind words. big hugs xo

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  49. You know what? Every… single… word and question that you had brought up is a spoken truth that we all, not only needed to hear, but we may have felt and experienced the same ideas and thoughts during our lifetimes. First, you are not doing anything wrong with placing Jesus first in your life, especially when it comes to protecting and guarding your heart, because like your Spirit, it is a precious Gem; Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

    Secondly, God with bring into your life your suitable husband when the time comes. From my past personal experiences, I was one that shared my heart with a few guys that I believed were right for me and felt within my heart that “He was right”, until God soon revealed the truth to me about them soon enough. I had felt devastation within my heart for too long to a point where I don’t know whom to trust, and with open arms, Jesus is there to support me. I wasn’t fortunate enough to be raised in a church home, but it did take me time to learn, to heal, and to wait on the Lord. I do have a few friends that are truly supportive and relatives, but I, too, had to push away and end many friendships with most of them.

    Third, it will take some time for you to heal and become stronger to overcome songs that bring up a past love, although I will admit that a few may be stuck with you for a long while. Example: My first ‘real’ love was my high school prom date. We had fun, danced, and we listened to one of his favorite artists on the radio: Sade. Sadly, however, 2 years later, he passed away afterwards. I was hurt, sad, and cried for a long while, but I kept in mind that (at least for God, for him, and for myself) I had to keep moving.

    So sorry for making my post so long, but keep staying strong in the Lord and know that God loves you and sees your heart and understands your struggles. Never feel hopeless as if you’ll never have your husband in your life. Just as God is preparing us to become a wife for our future husbands, the same is happening with them as well: God is preparing our husbands as well. 🙂 Stay strong.

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    1. “For everything your do flows from it…” wow what a powerful verse. thank you so much for sharing that with me. And gosh, thank you for such a thoughtful and beautiful response. I’m so sorry for your loss. that just breaks my heart. You’re so right though, resting in the Lord and relying on Him through all of life’s ups and downs is what gives us the strength to get through it. thanks for stopping by, friend. big big hugs xo

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      1. Actually, thank you for your message and big hug, friend. 🙂 I needed to reflect and be reminded how much and how far God has helped me throughout my life and has blessed me with strength to surpass my life pains. I needed that. Thank you again for sharing your message! 🙂

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  50. Thank you once again for an amazing and inspirational blog. You are an amazing young lady. Thank you for blessing me with these words and emotions you share so freely.
    God bless you.

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