Permission to Feel

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I’m going to be honest, I have 2 vodka/coconut waters in my system, so this post may be a bit…spirited.

Ba-dum chh!

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Bad joke. OKAY!

I had a conversation with a friend tonight that has completely pulled at my heartstrings and offered me some much needed perspective.

So naturally, I’ve decided to share with you, my wonderful internet friends 🙂

Sometimes we need to grant ourselves permission to mourn for ourselves.

Alright, that’s coming straight out of left field. I should probably back up a bit.

I don’t think there’s a person on this earth who isn’t going through, or has gone through a difficult season.

I was talking with my friend tonight about that. About this incredibly difficult season that he’s had to navigate through this past year with the murder of his friend from a hate crime, and other family challenges. Things that I cannot imagine going through.

And he’s a young man. In college. The “prime” of his life, and yet his world has been absolutely turned upside-down in a series of truly tragic and unfortunate events.

Listening to him tonight, and hearing the pain he was carrying around with him, and the pull between moving on and being angry, I just felt called to tell him something, that I decided I wanted to share with you, too.

It’s okay to mourn for yourself. 

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Listening to my friend talk about this lost year where he was dealing with the repercussions of everything, I just felt called to tell him that he has permission to mourn for that lost time. To mourn for the time he’s been grieving and sad and lost and angry. Because in giving yourself permission to feel those strong feelings, you are sending a signal to yourself that your feelings and your emotions matter. It’s okay to feel down or mad or frustrated about that period of time when you were grieving – time that you “should” have been living out the “prime” of your life.

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One of the most healing things for me was to finally mourn the period of my life that I lost to my eating disorder.

For such a long time I just pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking I deserved to not walk in my graduation. I deserved the shattered relationships, the squandered high school years and the delay in college. But the fact is, I lost close to 3 years to my anorexia. Time that I can’t get back, and time that “should” have been spent living life to the full. But instead it was spent in the chains of an eating disorder that nearly took my life.

It’s okay to mourn the loss of that time.

I needed to acknowledge to myself that, yeah, that period of time was stolen by an insipid disease, and it really sucks that life played out that way.

But allowing myself to come to terms – fully – with the truth and the reality of my past was one of the first steps in my true healing. The first step in the peace that – may not have fully resolved the strife in my heart – but it did give me the freedom to move forward with my life.

That’s what it allows – it allows freedom.

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Being that it’s the Fourth of July tomorrow, I really wanted to incorporate the notion of freedom into my post. But I didn’t really know what the angle was that I was supposed to take.

But this is it: allowing ourselves to feel, and acknowledging the wounds we have gives us tremendous freedom. Freedom to heal. Freedom to seek to peace. Freedom to embrace the light. Freedom to let them go. There is freedom when we acknowledge those pains, and then give them to Jesus. 

There’s so much guilt and pain and suffering that we’re all walking around with – what if we could break free from that?  What if we could just give ourselves permission to not be “okay?” Allow ourselves to feel the feelings – the wounds – that aren’t all shiny and pretty? That’s the first step. Then giving those wounds to Jesus? — That’s freedom.

I just wanted to take that agony away from my friend tonight. Give him the courage to mourn for himself and for the pain he’s gone through, and the loss of that time.

No matter the situation, healing is never a “Point A – to Point B” trip. It’s a multidirectional journey with lots of stops, road blocks, and backtracks along the way. But one thing’s for sure: Jesus is paving the way for you every step of the way.

And there’s no greater freedom than releasing our pain to Him.

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

299 thoughts on “Permission to Feel”

  1. Beautiful post – spot on. Sending healing prayers to your friend and thank you blessings to you. And thanks for the heads-up – vodka & coconut water – that’s one I have yet to try!

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  2. The reason for a mirror is the Light, so I understand.
    And Light understood as the Lord Jesus who took upon Himself our sorrows, our anguish, and our death.

    It is very common when I am praying, or diluting myself under the feet of the Lord Jesus, transforming me into water, I stay emotioned; sometimes I even smile, but in general my darkness, pain, hurt, revolts, stupidity, my past, the present, the future, etc., all this … dilutes, and I get up and I will take care of life.

    So this is how it works: The Lord dilutes our darkness.

    This is the difference that faith makes for those who believe, for those who receive, understand and practice the gift of believing.

    I add my testimony, Caralyn, without fear, because this is the feeling I am allowed to have: faith in Christ; that is my freedom, granted to be free.

    I immerse myself in Him to renew me every day, to restore, to animate, to strengthen, and to rise, and go and take care of my life.

    And this is the intention: believe in Him, exercise this power to believe in Him, in your favor, and in favor those whom your words are permitted to attain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good morning, Caralyn!

      I made a comment in your post: Permission to Feel, and I ask you to delete the first because I made some corrections.

      WP does not allow me to do the correction, just on my own page. I apologize!

      Have a great day, health and peace!

      Thank you!

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  3. Often we push unpleasnat feelings away by labeling them “bad”. Feeling just are. Yes, go ahead and feel them without judgment. Mourn the loss. – Oscar

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  5. It is ok to feel, that is why God gave us emotions, allowing yourself to feel, is a release, when buried it turns into depression or deep seeded anger. That is also why God gave us free will, he does not want robots. He wants us to love him freely. He gave us emotions to feel and express, it makes each of us unique, he just does not want our emotions to have us or control us. It is ok, even Jesus expressed his emotions, at His Father’s house being used as a retail shop He got angry, at His friends saddness of the loss of their brother, He cried. Good word!

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  8. Thanks for sharing! Love this post! I have struggled with disordered eating in the past too. Sometimes I look back and really wish that I wouldn’t have been so obsessed about my body and relationship with food in such an unhealthy way. And you’re completely right, it’s okay to mourn that part of your life! I also look back and think, even though I don’t like that I was at such a low point back then there is so much to say about the journey to building that healthy relationship with food and positive body image. I like to look back and know that that dark part of my life also shaped me into the person I am today. A now strong and more confident person. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  11. This is a lesson I am trying so hard to learn. It’s tough. I feel like we are sort of conditioned to believe that mourning and sadness are negative and that we should avoid them, which is so damaging. A huge part of my recovery has also been allowing myself to mourn the anorexic girl that I was. She isn’t me anymore, but letting go of AN does feel almost like letting go of an (abusive, destructive) friend. Although I know it is ultimately for the best, it’s painful. I’m trying to let myself say goodbye so I can move on into the life I was made for.
    Thank you so much for sharing xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Britts. I’m so glad this resonated with you. I’m cheering for you that you’ve gotten rid of that destructive friend, but I do know what you mean about mourning. Hang in there. You’re doing the right thing for you- you’re living the life you were made for indeed!! Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  12. It’s so OK to mourn for ourselves that God breathed all those Psalms of Lament to give us the words!

    Psalm 102
    3 For my days pass away like smoke,
    and my bones burn like a furnace.
    4 My heart is struck down like grass and has withered;
    I forget to eat my bread.
    5 Because of my loud groaning
    my bones cling to my flesh.
    6 I am like a desert owl of the wilderness,
    like an owl of the waste places;
    7 I lie awake;
    I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop.
    8 All the day my enemies taunt me;
    those who deride me use my name for a curse.
    9 For I eat ashes like bread
    and mingle tears with my drink,
    10 because of your indignation and anger;
    for you have taken me up and thrown me down.
    11 My days are like an evening shadow;
    I wither away like grass.

    In saying these, we join our seasons of mourning to the Passion of the One who redeems them.

    Christ’s peace be with you!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Not only did you help yourself, you helped another. Each time you share your own story, the burden lifts just a little bit more. I know you blessed your friend by sharing … just as you bless your readers by sharing with us. jan

    Liked by 1 person

  15. It is essential to not be nurturing wounds, but instead to have the confidence that they will be healed if we want that to happen. Some people don’t want their wounds to go away because they act to validate certain behaviors. I pray that your friend will soon experience the healing powers of genuine forgiveness – of others and of himself. Lots of love to him and to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Thank you for this, this actually reminded me of all the times I was grieving after losing both my grandmother (2008) and my grandfather (2013). It took awhile to heal, and I remember just being in my room and just letting it all out, truly feeling the pain- just crying and giving Jesus the pain. Think that was in 2015.

    I think pain can do one of two things to a person. It can either shape you or break you and that’s a choice we all have to make. Another thing had happened was I was friends with someone I actually hadn’t heard from in a while, for some reason I had this sense that I should check on them, I search their name on Facebook and turns out they passed away last year and that sent me in for a loop, I was friends with this person in Middle school and High school, even saw them for a little bit after we both graduated. That was heartbreaking.

    Sorry for all this, again thanks so much for this post, your blog and most of all you have been a blessing, so thank you and God bless ❤️
    #Caralynnbringinit #alldayeveryday

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohgosh in so sorry for your loss. Yeah giving Jesus the pain is the best that we can do in that situation. And gosh that is so heartbreaking about your middle school friend. Sending you so much love and hugs. You are a blessing to me. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  25. The time that you lost is gone, never to come back. In a sense, it doesn’t matter any more. What matters most that you came out of it and have the courage to share what you went through. Even if it helps one single reader or by extension someone else connected to your readers, that lost time was well spent.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. First, eliminate the awful word “should” from the equasion. What is done is done. Period. And then, your are correct that we grieve the loss of many things including lost years or opportunities as well as people. Self care is critical to surviving the trials of life. Your friend has to take care of himself since no one but God knows what he needs but him. And finally please, do not ry to fix anyone who is hurting.You or anyone else. Love them or be there for them but leave the fixing to God. Thanks for sharing this story with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. This is a good word. Something I very much needed to hear. Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly!

    A little bit of encouragement to throw your way… Any time I think about lost time there is a particular verse out of the bible that comes to mind:

    “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.” – Joel 2:25

    I know that none of us can know how or when, but I love that God promises to restore to us the time lost that was being devoured by the “locusts” in our lives (whatever they may be for you or me or anyone else).

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Love everything about this. As someone who knows well, the journey of grief, I very much appreciate the perspective of mourning for yourself. I easily have 5 years lost time. Thank you for sharing your heart. This is what the world needs;) people who have the courage to give pain a voice and use it for good.

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  29. Well said and I think that you hit on a very important topic. Interestingly enough, I have been thinking along some of the same lines for myself and others. And I have also been pondering what the lack of good grieving does to us.

    Blessings and have a wonderful day!

    Jim

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  30. To quote you – “I don’t think there’s a person on this earth who isn’t going through, or has gone through a difficult season” this is so very true. We all have things that we carry with us and have the burden to bear but you are also right when you say – “give it to Jesus” He will make a way. Thanks for the reminder and thanks for always being a light to others.

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  31. Thanks for sharing this. I lost fourteen Years to alcohol and drugs. I know how devastating it is to lose so much time. I gave it over to Jesus and now I’m rebuilding my life. God is a restorer.

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  32. The truth that true freedom comes from feeling through and grieving through the mess of suffering and loss, and then giving the pain to Jesus, is a truth that usually comes with age. So, as someone who is still in her young “prime,” I think you are ahead of the curve, in personal growth and familiarity with grief. It’s just awful that you and your friend have had to suffer so young, but you have held onto Jesus, and as such, have chosen LIFE, both here and eternally. Keep writing! You’ve got such a good message to share!

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  34. There are things in this world that are worthy of mourning.

    Jesus was a man of grief; He was familiar with suffering. He mourned.

    If our Lord who knows all things (and understands how it all fits in His plan) took time to grieve and mourn, who are we to think we should do otherwise?

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  36. This post was so difficult for me to read- I don’t mourn anything – I don’t face anything I try to outrun or avoid, and like you said I often feel I deserve things that I probably don’t… thanks for giving me something to think about

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  37. Hey there — I keep seeing your avatar on posts that I also like . . . especially horse-related :)) Good girl for tackling Life with such insights and gusto. I think you’ll enjoy a couple of mine, as well :)) Dawn

    https://soulhorseride.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/my-horse-is-a-river/
    https://soulhorseride.wordpress.com/2014/01/03/my-horses-my-art/
    https://journalofdawn.wordpress.com/my-yoda-story/

    Please check out my singer-songwriter daughter’s latest music video at: https://ellaharp.com/

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  41. Very inspiring! Thank you for sharing this. I can’t imagine what its like for your friend right now and I shall be praying. I have lost friends through suicide, drugs and a car accident, this hurts so much for thise close. You are right, Jesus is always leading and guiding us, he is the way for true healing for each one of us. God bless you

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  42. I agree with you on this – I was in a tough relationship (mental abuse) young 21-25. 4 years of my life, spent as an old-married like person in a bad relationship when I should have been going out and partying and discovering my limits and making regrets/promises not to get that hung over again…and whatever. Instead, I was ever trying to please a man, and trying to figure out what I did wrong…and even after I left those 4 years…it took me another 6 to7 years before I could view myself in a positive light and become part of a couple again. So, yes, there was that time I needed to grieve for a love that had to end, and grieve for the time I lost for me and loving myself…before another could love me again.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I’m so sorry that you went through that. I’m so glad you’ve discovered that self love again. You’re worth it! Keeping you in my prayers. Big hugs xox

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  43. This is so totally right on the money. It must be a time for recognizing this. My place on the path is very similar right now: letting myself feel and acknowledge the dark feelings, handing them over to the higher light for healing and purification and thereby ascending. Your journey is so beautiful and true. Thanks for sharing.

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  44. This is an amazing post. Your posts always encourage and inspire me- thank you for always being so honest and real. Prayers for your friend 😊

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      1. Of course! We were on vacation and just got back, so I wanted to get caught up on the posts I missed! 😊 You’re welcome!!

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  46. Hi BBB,

    These are healthy phases, right? Holding things in or back clog us up on the inside. Thank the Lord for times of seeing it released. I pray your friend let’s it go.

    In Christ,

    Gary

    On Mon, Jul 3, 2017 at 5:03 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “I’m going to be honest, I have 2 vodka/coconut > waters in my system, so this post may be a bit…spirited. Ba-dum chh! > Bad joke. OKAY! I had a conversation with a friend tonight that has > completely pulled at my heartstrings and offered me some” >

    Like

  47. Great post. Yes, we find freedom when we give our wounds to Jesus. He loves us so much that it is he who is in much more hurt, when we are in pain. The Bible tells us to cast all of our cares on Him. Let us all live to it. God bless you and your friend!

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  50. Hi there,
    I have nothing original to say — other than that I found this post very moving, and wise.
    “We need to grant ourselves permission to mourn for ourselves”… may I borrow that phrase? (Haha I will attribute it, of course.)
    Thank you for sharing. 🙂

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