Auditioning for The Bachelor?

Well The Bachelor auditions were today.

And before you fall out of your chair, no I didn’t go.

However, I’m not gonna lie, I was thisclose. 

I even showered for the occasion…which…let’s just say, is a big deal 😉

hah JK JK #HygieneIsImportant

My two best friends in the world really wanted me to audition. And for a while, I had committed to the idea of doing it. Because I feel like, if I’m ever going to find love, I’m gonna have to throw myself into a situation where that’s the only option.

Maybe that’s a little pessimistic. But, that’s kinda how I’m feeling right now. A pathetic mix of desperation and hopeless surrender.

But yeah, after trying on a couple different outfits and Google Maps-ing the subway directions to the audition location, I decided that I don’t want to date a guy who could justify dating 30 other girls.

I’ve worked too hard on my self worth to go through that dumpster fire of depreciation.

Anywho. If you can’t tell from my…jubilant candor…I’m back in New York. First night actually. I just flew in this morning. And let’s just say, the four walls of my studio apartment seem closer than ever before. I’m going to be honest – my heart feels a bit caged in. And I don’t know if that’s a repercussion of denying myself the opportunity to meet a perfectly chiseled Ken doll on reality TV, or the fact that my heart is yearning for Ohio, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s the latter.

Since my mom’s stroke back in December, I have been in full-time “side-kick” mode. By her side, enjoying time together literally from eyes open in the morning to eyes closed at night.

It’s been a beautiful, strengthening, healing and challenging time where I’ve grown in admiration and love and friendship with my hero: my mom.

And my dad, too. He is our rock and the best man I know, I always feel badly I don’t talk more about him on here, but he’s a pretty private gentleman.

But going from 0 to 60, with literally zero free time to now living by myself in a studio apartment, let’s just say it’s a bit of a shock.

The silence is deafening. Thank goodness for Spotify, amIrite?

But if there’s one thing that has been illuminated from this, it’s that I love taking care of other people.

I love living the day-to-day with people I love.

And I realized just how much I cannot wait to take care of my future husband, whomever he may be.

I guess that’s why I thought about auditioning for The Bachelor – I’d like the abridged version of dating…let’s just zip through it and get married already.


I just have to trust in God’s timing.

Which, I know, is kind of a broken record on here. But it’s so true. And frankly, it’s what I’m clinging onto for dear life.

God has brought me through so much. He brought me out of the depths of anorexia. Healed me from a severe case of Ulcerative Colitis. And has carried me through this terrifying season during my mom’s stroke this year.

God is not finished with me.

He didn’t bring me through all of that to just abandon me.

I’ve got to trust that the best is yet to come. I’ve got to trust that all of this has been shaping my heart. Preparing my spirit to be ready to love, ready to open up to someone, ready to live.

What’s that saying? — If God leads you to it, He’ll see you through it??

Something like that.

Well, He’s proved that in my life. Not always the most comfortable or pleasant of times, but always worth it in the end.

Part of me wonders what part of my heart still needs transforming before God brings my future husband into my life. Hmm…sounds like I just found what I need to start praying for.

Lastly, I’ve received some really powerful questions about eating disorders and recovery. I’ll be taking questions up until Sunday, so send them in to and I’ll answer them in next week’s post (as a non-professional, of course).

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353 thoughts on “Auditioning for The Bachelor?

  1. Hey girl!

    Idk if you’ve seen but Netflix came out with a new movie about a young girl battling anorexia. It’s called “to the bone”. It really brings awareness to the reality of what it is to battle an eating disorder. I watched it last night and it made me cry from beginning to end! It really depicted like my whole teenage and early adulthood life lol but I thought of you. It is intense but it’s so raw. I think you’d like it.

    It might be triggering for some people if they’re in their early stages of recovery but I think you’d be able to resonate with it.


      1. I just read your blog post. I honestly didn’t get that reaction from watching the movie at all. I thought I would. Now if you are easily triggered then I suggest you don’t watch it. But for someone who was also in and out of hospitals and in and out of inpatient/outpatient/day programs with and for a severe eating disorder, it didn’t trigger me. It did help me see and understand the incredible rescuing God did for me. it reminded me of being redeemed. Long story short, the movie ends beautifully and it does have triggering parts showing her bones which was actually a lot of makeup and some weight loss from my research, but I saw the bright side: how God can rescue those from the grave as He did for me. It was a great reminder of where I was but an even greater reminder of the journey God has taken me on to be healed.

        Read psalm 107 tonight 🙂 it’s pretty much my life story! Sending you hugs xox


      2. Thank you so much for your honest review. I’m so glad you’ve also found God’s rescuing hand 🙂 We we’re both really lucky to have our stories end the way they did. I will definitely read that Psalm tonight! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts on the movie. So glad it was healing for you:) sending big hugs xox

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You are way too good for the bachelor. You are witty, kind, beautiful and compassionate. Your faith journey has sharpened your spirit and helped you grow in your Commitment to Christ. You need to find a man who is overjoyed to know that he is the second man in your life, second to Jesus. I doubt that reality television is such a place. My son found a woman like you through an internet dating site. I am not advocating that; but, just pointing out that there are options other than “the bachelor” or hanging out at bars. Many humans long for a companion in order to achieve some form of completeness. Many women long for children. These are natural and normal yearnings of the flesh. However, true and absolute completeness and security can only be found in the one who is complete and absolute, namely, God. Seek God first and follow step by step in His ways and He will lift you up. Continue to trust in His timing and pray that your will be conformed to His will, whether it be in marriage and motherhood or in singleness.

    God Bless


  3. Money is the root of all evil, and I think a televised show kinda blurs the real truth and reality of what it means to give your heart to someone. Which you’ve written beautifully about in multiple posts as well ; ), as here. The Church (body of believers) is the Bride of Christ. Jesus has not come to Earth yet because He is patient. Waiting for the Bride to be fully ready, patient for everything that needs to happen first, while loving the Bride through the wait. I think you following God, instead of what you would like/want to happen speaks volumes. You are telling Him, that you choose His path for you, all the the while, guarding your heart as God has shown you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Corrie 🙂 you’re right – craziness for sure. I just have to patient…not my strong suit. Haha thanks for stopping by! Hope you’re having a great weekend! Hugs and love xox


  4. You said: “God is not finished with me.
    He didn’t bring me through all of that to just abandon me.
    I’ve got to trust that the best is yet to come. I’ve got to trust that all of this has been shaping my heart…
    What’s that saying? — If God leads you to it, He’ll see you through it??”

    YES! Ditto! God has called my husband and me to move again, this time to someplace unfamiliar to us, not where we have any family, and leaving friends and family behind us, to move 500 miles away (again). So, we are beginning the process of what all needs to be done to pick up and move again, so what you shared fits with where we are, too. He will absolutely see us through it! Amen!!


      1. Yes, he does! And, for you, too! We all just need to be in tune to his voice, listening to what he says, and then we need to walk with him in obedience. And, he will lead the way.


  5. The final confirmations for me were:

    1) Is. 6:8-9a: And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.” And he said, “Go, and say to this people…”

    2) The words to the song “It All Depends,” by Jerry Nelson:
    Would I leave the place
    Where I have lived and settled down?
    It all depends.
    Break with my attachments,
    Sentimental though they be?
    It all depends.
    Would I find myself uprooting
    All the stakes I’ve driven down,
    Leaving friends and loved ones far behind,
    Captive to the call of some far off distant land?
    I can only answer, that depends.

    It all depends on where He needs me,
    For where he leads me my feet must go.
    It may be down an unfamiliar pathway
    Or cross the mountains so bleak with snow.
    His faithful hand will always guide me.
    He’ll walk beside me, let come what may.
    Why should I dread the night?
    My faith has found its sight.
    I’ll do his will through the rest of my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. One of the bachelor’s followed me and liked some stuff on Instagram. Kinda. Weird. I don’t have a TV so I don’t know. I remember a sociologist doing a documentary about dating in America. He saved up and recorded 50 dates and eventually married his second date. Seems entirely realistic that when you’re ready it’s not the 50th person it’s the handful that you connected with.


  7. I’ve always thought the Bachelor was like a Deli. Lots of numbers handed out hoping to be called upon. Yikes! (And giggles.) I’m super glad your intuitive enough to know your worthy of so much more!! Our son’s flying in to CLE on Thursday…just sayin’ wink-wink. Hugs & Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t know why I’m saying this, ‘cuz I’m twenty three and never have a date so who am I to give advice…I think when the right one comes along, it will catch you by surprise, and I think he will be a lot like your father…Keep waiting on your Father Who has the best plans for you!!! 🙂


  9. Thanks for liking my blog posts. I think you are a wonderful girl and there must be someone just as wonderful out there waiting for you! I’m still searching for mine too 🙂 Wish us both luck on this journey.


  10. Fidelity. With fides, the latin word. And as heard in church, such as in hymns
    It’s a theme in the post…
    Yes, “undivided attention” is a way of life, and is a more stable thing


  11. Keep the faith! Psalms 37:4 has been close to my heart this year…”Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (NIV) He will bring you your soul mate. BTW Great choices on your part. Thank you for the encouragement to stay true to our faith. Peace Milly


  12. I recently had lunch with a friend up in Tacoma who is 35 years old and was married about 3 months ago. We are very good friends and when he lived down here in Vancouver he would often share with me his ache over not having a relationship with a woman. He tried on-line dating, went swing-dancing, and all sorts of things to put himself in a position to develop a relationship with a woman. Eventually he sort of gave up – and then he met his future wife. The point? God has His timing, and for some reason He just doesn’t always consult with us on our opinion about it. Be of strong heart and good cheer; your best interests are being carefully looked after by a very good matchmaker.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 1 thing I like telling sisters in Christ is God is the best wingman anyone can have. Goes the same for love adviser too. He doesn’t just see what your mentors- the people you’ll go for godly counsel for- see.. he sees EVERYTHING.. in deepest measures too. Who can beat that?


  13. You’re absolutely right! God didn’t bring you through all of your difficult experiences to just abandon you. 🙂 Trust in Him and in His perfect plan for you. Pray and ask Him to bring your future husband into your life. (Maybe the Mr Right is already there and you haven’t noticed him as yet? :)). God Bless! — Your sister-in-Christ.


  14. Love this! You give a lot of hear to your writing and there’s more for you then simply words. Your hope and faith will demonstrate the biggest blessing of all. The sense of peace and a new life in and through Him. Thank you for your stories through your life and how you can reach a whole new perspective when giving our faith to God


  15. “my self worth to go through that dumpster fire of depreciation.” <—- Love that !!!!! Great article, I can identify with a lot of points you made. I also thought for a millisecond about auditioning for married at first sight, glad I didn't, lol. I'm trusting God's plan and patiently praying and waiting for Mr. Right!! Thanks for sharing!!!


  16. I think it is natural to want to get through something quickly. As you know from experiencing the things you have overcome, though, it’s not worth trying to rush through something important to you (not trying to compare dating and marriage to illnesses…lol). And marriage is definitely something worth NOT rushing into, no matter how badly one wants it. Just hang in there, take each day as it comes, and enjoy the ride.


  17. I admire your strength and your drive to keep on going and waiting on the Lord’s direction on allowing Him to let you know when the time is right for your future husband to come along. More than likely, whenever we think of trying to rush and be with someone, moving on our own ‘humanly instincts’, something, in the end, never turns out right without God’s Hand or directions in it… and you’re right: “To compete with about 20 other women may have been just too much to handle, and I don’t know how the popular lifestyles are, but years ago, I used to watch dating shows, and throughout the shows, the same man eventually makes out with a few (if not all) the ladies; no offense. But by you stepping away from that kind of environment, and choosing to care for your mother, was the greatest decisions that you can ever make. That is a gift and a blessing to hear! 🙂


  18. Hi BBB,

    Have a great week. Get back into the NY flow, right? Hope you have some good answers coming,


    On Thu, Jul 13, 2017 at 4:01 PM, BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “Well The Bachelor auditions were today. And > before you fall out of your chair, no I didn’t go. However, I’m not gonna > lie, I was thisclose. I even showered for the occasion…which…let’s > just say, is a big deal 😉 hah JK JK #HygieneIsImportant ” >


  19. Hi Carolyn, I’m a little late with this one..but I do know exactly how you feel and what you’re talking about. Sometimes I feel as if God has abandoned me or never assigned me a mate for some reason or another. I see myself going down this conveyor belt along with many other babies and this is the conveyor belt where God matches mates with babies, so later in life you’ll meet this person and so forth. But I get the feeling that right when he was about to assign me a mate – some angels got into a ruckus and he stopped for a moment to handle them, when he turned around to start back assigning, he stamped the next baby and there I was left without knowing whom my mate is, in which I wasn’t assigned one – Could this be the reason I always had issues with relationships and none never worked out? While that’s my story of how I feel like things went down and I’m sticking with it…LOL! I do feel that God knows our hearts and his word says (paraphrasing) that he didn’t create man to be alone but to have a helper. Your man is out there and I believe just like Glenn stated, he’ll come when you least expect it. Keep Believing, Keep Praying and Keep Going. God has someone special just for you! I believe that!! Much Love!


  20. Oh my gosh I could just hug you!!! You’re ridiculously gorgeous inside and out and I hope that you never allow anyone or anything rob you of that. I’m a fresh 30 year old and thought I’d be married by 24 at the latest. I have un-regrettably turned down 4 proposals. I know, “She’s crazy” is probably coming to your mind but honestly I just heard Abba whispering “He’s not the one” for all of them. And for a years I struggled with trying to fix myself for a man, trying to get a man, and resenting God. THEN I read a book and it blew my mind. I felt totally called out for wasting time I was being blessed with and for resenting things I didn’t have instead of celebrating what God has given me. I recommend reading it for those hard days when loneliness is raging within. I can’t wait to read more!


  21. People are going to be super judgy about this comment but that’s ok… I think you will GET IT.
    I had been dating for a few years in Denver… a much larger city than where I grew up. I then moved back home and continued dating to no avail. I decided to take a different approach because I wanted to find a MAN, not a man-boy. The dating pool in which I was fishing was filled with man-boys whose conversations revolved around fantasy football leagues, beer-of-the-month clubs, etc. etc. Man-boys who wore baseball caps and baggy pants, didn’t open doors for their dates and on and on. These men were playing at life, playing at being men. They just were not what I was looking for; where were the MEN?
    I bought two books that changed my life; The Rules, and How to Marry a Millionaire. I did not end up with my millionaire, but I did find the love of my life after I learned how to change the pool where I was looking for love.
    I’m telling you this because you are already familiar with the concept and action of making changes to get what you want. I some times teach etiquette & behavioral changes. There is ALWAYS someone who thinks they never have to change to get what they want but you have overcome this and are living the healthy life that you want BECAUSE you made the conscientious decision to do whatever it took to get what you want. You can use that same determination to find your man. He is out there and he is the one God has chosen for you. Sometimes, however, there is action we must take to get what God has for us. We see this example many times in the bible. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with you. I’m saying you may be fishing in the wrong waters. It may be time to shake things up again and to do what you must to get what you want.


  22. Hi. I saw you mentioned on Authentically 50’s site and stopped by to check out your posts. Found a good one and will keep looking at more. Just wanted to say hi and make a new connection. I’m on here too. -Jay


  23. Just a little reminder about a husband. I have a bachelor son looking and waiting also! I think he’s a little old for you he’s 39 or I’d suggest a meet and greet. Anyway the little reminder is if you marry an unbeliever you take Satan as your father in law! #justawordtowait


  24. You caught me off guard for a second. When I found myself single again, there was no way that the Bachelorette was an option. However, a free Christian dating site was since I had little income. I tell others now to run like the wind before they ever consider that. I learned so much about myself and others. It did give me some long distance ministry opportunities because they all lived far away. If I can ever write a post without cringing from those memories, I may post about the experience. I’m thankful that God intervened and allowed me to meet the lady who is now my wife. God’s ways are indeed higher than ours.


  25. Caralyn,
    I am so proud to know you. And I will definitely ditto/piggyback what purpleslobinrecovery said, I’m glad that you decided against auditioning in the lust fest. You are Priceless. All women are and need to recognize that!
    In my opinion and I mean no offense to any one, but going on those types of shows does not show anything positive. It does not reflect positive, healthy, moral living. The complete opposite. Those types of shows promote lust, sexual immorality, breaking God’s commandments, cheating, lying, pride, conceit, hate, anger, jealousy, etc.. Is this what our world has come to? What our kids and grand-kids have to look forward to? FInding society’s version of ‘love” on a disgusting tv show.
    A meat market on the corner would be more sanitary and productive. lol. just kidding sort of.
    Caralyn, I know that you have probably heard this before and you mentioned a similar statement that in God’s timing you will find the love you were meant to have in your life. I know that it is hard to wait. I had given up when I met my now husband. We met at a karaoke bar and for the first 7 years of our on and off again relationship, we had so many battles. His alcohol my baggage, insecurities, depression, etc…It took humility on both our parts handed down by God to bring us to the altar two months ago. It will happen when it is meant to happen. God has a special plan for you.
    Love and blessings,


    1. I am seriously so touched by this beautiful note. You are so wonderful, Tiffany and I am so glad that our paths crossed and that I can call you friend 🙂 what a beautiful love story you have with your husband. What a. Beautiful marriage. Hugs and love xox


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