Three Seconds

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

It was the summer before my seventh grade year. Which, if it’s possible to peak at age 12, then I think that may have been the case for me.

But I digress.

I’ll never forget the summer my mother and I rode Drop Zone at Kings Island. Imagine the Seattle Space Needle with a ring of outward facing seats around the outside, where you’re harnessed in with your feet dangling.

lrg-555-dropzone2

You get lifted up 27 stories in the air, and then get dropped and freefall at speeds over 68 mph.

DSC00022

I did not want to go. Roller coasters? Absolutely. Love ’em. But a freefall? That high? No thanks, I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.

But I remember standing there, beneath this big, imposing needle, hearing a wave of shrieks every time it dropped, and my mom had this determined look in her eye. We had been watching for a few minutes. And she looked at me and said, “Three seconds. That’s all it is, three seconds.” And I asked her what she meant. And she explained that, sure the ride to the top took about 2 minutes, but that the actual free fall was only three seconds.

And without blinking, she said,

“You can endure anything for three seconds.”

Those sound like some pretty famous last words if I ever heard any.

giphy-3.gif

Well, we ended up riding it. I nearly gave myself a hernia, but the whole time, I kept thinking, “Three seconds. Three seconds. You can endure anything for three seconds.” 

And I did. And then proceeded to brag about it to my friends until about Christmas time that year.

giphy-4.gif

I’ve had a bit of a difficult readjustment since coming back to New York. My mom’s stroke, it really changed me. Changed how I see things. Changed what I value.

And I think I’m going through some growing pains, if I’m being honest.

I did something I shouldn’t have tonight: I’ve saved the last voicemail she left me in December before her stroke, and tonight I listened to it for the first time. I wanted to hear her voice – her pre-stroke voice.

I wanted to her the inflection and cadence and intonation that I yearn to hear again.

But I think what I’ve been wrestling with in my heart here, is a bit of grieving. And quite honestly, hopelessness.

We all go through different seasons in life. And seasons of suffering are part of the human experience. But we can persevere, because much like my Drop Zone experience, we can endure anything for three seconds.

But what if it’s longer? And what if that season has no foreseeable end? What if that season has become the new normal?

I have been grieving that here recently. I miss my mom. I miss how things used to be before her stroke. I miss her voice.

God, this was supposed to be just a three second interval. I can handle three seconds. Why did You give us this cross? Lord, I’m angry at You. I feel like You’ve abandoned me. I feel like You’ve locked me outside and I’m desperately banging at the gate.

I’m ready to wake up and have this all have been a terrible dream.

Lord, where the hell are You?

I don’t have an answer to this post.

In fact, after typing that, I snapped my laptop shut, and willed myself to a fitful night’s sleep.

Waking up the next morning, bleary eyed and groggy, I did what I always do, first thing in the morning…I checked Facebook.

And what was the first thing on my News Feed, but this song. It’s a mashup of my all-time two favorite worship songs, Oceans and You Make Me Brave.

So I took a listen, and as the tears streamed down my cheeks, I knew that God had heard me. I knew that I wasn’t alone. I knew that He’s with me right now during my fear.


So I wanted to share it with you. Please, take a listen – it will move your heart. (I’ve attached the lyrics). “Where…fear surrounds me, You never fail, and You won’t start now.”

God will always find us in our pain. Even if it’s in a more non-conventional medium, like a FB newsfeed, He will find a way to comfort His children.

img_4044-3

It’s the following night now. I’m back at my laptop with a smidge more clarity and the frame of mind that isn’t clouded with bitter tears and resentment.

I think I listened to that song about 28 times on repeat today, and I’m not even exaggerating.

Here’s the ending I couldn’t come up with last night:

I was only half right about my mom.

Because it’s true, my mom is different from who she was before her stroke.

But. Different is can be good too.

The woman she’s become is one hell of a fighter.

She is a survivor.

My mom is brave. She is strong. She is determined. Persistent. She is a hard worker and won’t settle for anything less than her best.

She is unconquerable.

And she is improving.

Who am I to rush an intricate, magnificent, precious work of artistry?

Yes, the stroke may have dealt some challenges, but I had been solely focusing on the negative.

I would have never thought that the two most challenging periods of my own life – my Ulcerative Colitis flares and my anorexia – would one day become the source of my greatest strength?

I need to let God do His work. Because I can’t see the whole picture. I can’t see the artistry at work. I don’t know His end game.

This is the struggle before the butterfly breaks forth from the cocoon.

Patience, Caralyn. Trust. Hope. Rest.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail.
And there I find You in the mystery, 
In oceans deep my faith will stand.

And I will call upon your name.
And keep my eyes above the waves.
When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine. 

You grace abounds in deepest waters.
Your sovereign Hand will be my guide.
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, 
You never fail, and You won’t start now.

As your love, in wave after wave, crashes over crashes over me. 
For You are for us, You are not against us,
Champion of Heaven, You made a way for all to enter in. 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me. 
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. 

You make me brave. 
You make me brave.
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves.
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises You made. 

My soul will rest in Your embrace for I am Yours, and You are mine. 

img_3201-2

________________________________________________________________
Stay Connected!
@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

A big thank you to my new sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

Please check out my affiliate partners! Doing so helps you, and it helps me 🙂 Amazon, Reebok, NatureBox, Sunbasket, WPengine Webhosting, Warby Parker, Masterclass

patreon

Thank you for considering supporting BBB on Patreon! You make this blog possible 🙂

img_2861-4

Published by

Unknown's avatar

beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

354 thoughts on “Three Seconds”

  2. Those three seconds may be what helped Chester Bennington. I think you’re right about the three seconds.

    Like

      1. I can understand that fully after I read what you have said so many times of suicide as to dismiss it altogether.

        Like

  4. Just an hour ago I wept at a young life lost. It is so hard to trust God because his ways are not our ways. This is a very timely post for me. Thank you for sharing the struggle of trusting God when it’s HARD. Thank you for not becoming bitter. Thank you for choosing to see the good. I aim to do the same.

    Liked by 1 person

    3. I’m sorry for your loss, Amy. I completely agree about how hard it is to trust God when we can’t see how He can be in the midst of a tragedy or on-going pain. One thing I do when I’m in a place like that is to think on God’s characteristics. I write them down. Then, when any of them don’t fit what I’m going through, or what’s going on, I take that to God. (It doesn’t surprise him, since He knows everything.) I tell him I don’t see how these go together and ask him to show me. He may or he may not, but it does keep me talking to him.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sounds like a lot going in in your head. There been a lot going on in mine in recent years and I’ve struggled to work out life and what its about and I don’t have any answers. But Ill be thinking of you as you go through this time 😊

    Like

      1. Brin jumbles are good sometimes. It’s how we get it out and try and process. I hope you find your peace soon. Huge hugs xo

        Like

    1. Thank you so much Christiana, a deep favorite of mine as well. there’s something so moving about the music and the lyrics…very comforting. Thanks for sharing this with me! I look forward to watching it. big hugs x

      Like

  8. Pastor, it’s ok to be angry with God. God knows and understands and is not leaving you or your Mom. His Holy Spirit is with you both! When I did care ministry in the hospital for my church, I talked with many who were angry with God for their spouse being there and possibly terminally ill. It gets confusing but I come back to the morning after Jesus died for us on the cross. There had to be confusion and anger. People just witnessed something they never ever expected. I’m sure in addition, there was anger. Keep talking with God and know His Holy Spirit will never ever leave you or your Mom. You are in my prayers. Mom too. I can only imagine your emotions after being home with her during her recovery and then having to leave. I am so proud of you. You are inspirational as is your Mom. Say hi to your Mom for me and be mad for as long as you need to be!
    It’s ok. God already knows and is waiting to talk with you at any time!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rick, I really needed to hear this tonight. Thank you. You’re right – He has left us His Spirit and we can rest in that. So true – we just have to look to what happened after three days of death: New Life. This is such great advice. thank you for your continued prayers. you’re a great friend. big hugs xox

      Like

  9. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
    Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

    Caralyn, even though we never enjoy, nor do we desire to do times like your Mom and your entire family are going through, we know that as Christ Followers, He is with us.
    Think of the even stronger testimony your Mom, Dad, and you are going to have, for the Glory of Jesus.
    Even though we wonder at times, we can rest assured in the knowledge that Father, Son, and Spirit are with us, and carrying us through the rough times.
    God’s Blessings to all your family, Caralyn, you are a strong group, in Christ, and overcomers in Christ.
    Luv, 🌹❤️😘
    George

    Like

    1. Thanks so much George. That is such a comforting verse. I really appreciate you sharing that with me. You’re so right, He is with us, and I just have to remember that during the storm. He will carry us. Thanks for your kindness. hugs x

      Like

  10. The thing I like about your blog is the raw honesty it displays. You articulate what others struggle with and that helps them to understand they are normal and share the experience with others. In essence your blogs are often a mini sermon. All need to allow the grieving process to work its course. To do otherwise impacts on health negatively. Keep up the ministry you engage in through your blog.

    Like

    1. Thanks so much, Ian. that is my deepest prayer – that it will resonated with even one person and let them know they’re not alone 🙂 You’re right – it is a process. So true. Thanks for your kindness. you’re a great friend. big hugs x

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow!!! I’m speechless! What a beautiful testimony! Thank God for you, your three seconds and your mom. May God continue to strengthen you with might on your inner being.

    Like

  13. “And I will call upon your name.
    And keep my eyes above the waves.
    When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
    For I am Yours, and You are mine.”

    Just reading those words gives me goosebumps. So beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Absolutely gorgeous song that speaks to my soul as well. I can relate to you and your situation more than you’ll ever know. My husband has been battling a health diagnosis and so, I also have felt all those emotions! Be forgiving of yourself when you have tough days. I know it’s something I’ve had to learn too. God bless you and remember He is always walking right beside us in our pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. God bless you… I went through it with my Mom’s dementia and again when my first wife was dying from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. I asked God why, over and over. As my wife got worse I started asking God to take her home. She came home under hospice care and passed just 2 weeks shy of our 35th anniversary. I know what you are feeling, and it’s OK. Hugs 🙂

    Like

  20. I’ve kept my sister’s last two voice mails to me. She passed a year ago from a rare ovarian cancer … peritoneal ovarian cancer. She was 58 years old. She passed 2 months after my mother passed with Myeloma, bone marrow cancer. I can relate to your frustration and yes anger at God. Why, God, did you take my Father, Mother, Grandmother, and Sister … all within five years? It is just me and my remaining sister left … and she and I are very distant … she lives five blocks away and I have only seen her maybe four times this past year. I wanna say, God, why did you leave me with her !!??? He has His reasons, I know … I just haven’t figured them out yet.

    I truly understand your position as caretaker. All of a sudden the roles reverse. But it sounds as if you get your strength directly from your Mother. Yes, I do believe what you went through with your disease has equipped you to handle the heartache and struggle you are now dealing with. Your Mother is in good hands. God has blessed you both with chances to care for each other. Bless you in your doubts … God is OK with that. He loves you and knows You are His. I’m glad He showed you through music. What a sweet way to hear God’s Word.
    Cherish each day. love, Jan

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh gosh Jan I am so sorry to hear this. Thank you for sharing it with me. Gosh my heart just goes out to you. There are always so many questions and emotions during the grieving process. Sending all my love friend. Xoxo

      Like

    2. Jan, it is high time you and your sister make peace and find it in both your hearts to love one another. Pay her a visit today and give her a heartfelt hug. Nobody can resist that.

      Like

  21. Three seconds is like the speech problems of Moses.

    “I’m not sure if I could free Egypt. I can’t speak right now I’m, kinda sh-sh-shy.”

    Like

      1. There is strength in being vulnerable. At Camp Pendleton there was a plaque that says pain is weakness leaving the body. On the surface, it looks as if you’re a toughy you can endure anything. As others erased their humanity I embraced it. Fear is an emotional pain and I felt human when it occurred. A Marine, I feel doesn’t want to die just understands that fear is human and in a hard place it has to be endured, sometimes ignored. Haha. Three seconds is about what you have in a hostile situation and it’s about the same reaction time in a car crash. It’s a really long time to be scared.

        Like

      3. I was always in trouble I wasn’t the best soldier. I would stick up for my guys because I knew they were the one’s to fish me out of the ocean or take a bullet not the senior guys. It is not my Grandpa’s military. My Native tribe, fought until there were only a few hundred left from thousands. Then, we became scouts hunting other tribes until we were also displaced. No land and no money is how most people end up there, in the military. Life, has a way of repeating your fears over and over.

        Like

      7. Maybe that’s the secret. Letting go, is letting go of all control you have of all outcomes. Sure, there’s a lot of messed up unfavorable events. Control what you can control and worry less of the unfortunate events that are out of reach. I don’t have a house, car, or huge amounts of credit. I don’t need those things to live so I don’t have them.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Our generation wants change but with every bad habit and entitlement of previous generations. It really doesn’t work like that maybe, just for a few. It is a single effort in a world that that for the most part does not care. We are just like we were when Roman soldiers ransacked houses looking for Jesus.

        Like

  22. Oh, Caralyn, so many emotions coursing through me as I read this latest post. As we trust His process, he gives us patience to endure the season. And hope abounds along with peace, comfort and joy. Continue to tether yourself to HIM, he won’t let you down. ✝️💟✝️

    Like

  23. I can relate – I LOVE roller coasters, but I will never set foot on a free fall ride again. I rode the Drop Zone at Kings Dominion here in Virginia twice in one day, and my stomach felt like it was in my throat. Never again!

    I cried when I listened to that mash-up. “Oceans” became one of my favorite songs a few years ago when I first sang it at church, and then at Carolina Cross Connection, and then Youth Week – It’s been a recurring song in my United Methodist church. So many of the kids love it and relate to it!

    I can’t wait to buy your book!!

    Like

  26. It’s ironic that you post this tonight, because I had a similiar occurrence about a week ago. 🙂 It’s so amazing the way the Lord hears and answers our prayers, and tells us what we need to hear when we need to hear it. I’m praying for you!! And I also love the song Oceans; it’s comforted me more times than I can count. Sending you lots of prayers, hugs, and love!

    Like

  27. You’re a strong fighter too Caralyn, God isn’t finished working with you and in you yet, and an extreme amount of encouragement to you should be that while your mother suffered something horrible, God used it for good to make the both of you stronger and that He also isn’t ready to call your mom home yet, that He still has something great in store for her and through her, God isn’t willing to call her out of your life either because you still need her godly presence in your life to lean on.

    ~Tom

    Like

    1. Hey Tom, thanks for this. You’re right – God’s not finished and I need to not rush His divine work. I really needed to hear this. Thank you. You’re a great friend. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  29. Reading this and thinking, ‘where was this post when my dad was sick?’ Which would’ve been impossible, since that was over five years ago, but still, thank you for being raw and honest. I relate most to the wondering how long ____ is supposed to last. For me, three seconds turned into three years, and then some after my dad passed. One month from tomorrow, it’ll have been four years, and I still find myself screaming why some days. But the one thing I have consistently noticed, is that God continuously finds ways to show up and remind me of Himself. For you, it’s Oceans/You Make Me Brave; for me, it’s No Longer Slaves. 🙂

    Like

    1. Hi friend, I’m so sorry that you had to walk a similar journey with your dad. I’m so glad it resonated with you. I’ll definitely keep you in my prayers, friend. I know time doesn’t necessarily heal or make things better – just different. I love no longer slaves too. It’s another really powerful song. Sending big big hugs xox

      Like

  30. The 14c anchoress Julian of Norwich wrote:
    “What, do you wish to know your Lord’s meaning in this thing?
    Know it well, love was his meaning.
    Who reveals it to you?
    Love.
    What did he reveal to you?
    Love.
    Why does he reveal it to you?
    For love.
    Remain in this and you will know more of the same.
    Rest assured. All will be well. All manner of things shall be well.”

    This sure helped me.

    Like

  31. :):) Yep God even uses FB :):) He can and does everything. I love that you were struggling, well not that you were struggling 🙂 but that you talked to God, and miraculously He gave you the answers 🙂 I have witnessed such a growth in you, in the past 5 or 6 months, since I’ve been reading your blog. The Almighty is working with you, blessing you, and He fights for you, always. Reading some of the comments, this post has helped more people that you will probably ever know. Big hugs xoxo

    Like

    1. Thanks Margaret! Yes even Facebook! Thank you for such kind words. I am filled with so much gratitude that you would read my words. It really means a lot. Thanks for taking the journey with me. Sending such big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  32. This moved me so much. I hope your Mother recovers soon and stays strong. You’ve done very well for someone who’s gone through this pain, to come out of the fog and see the positive in these things. All the very very best to you.

    Like

  34. You got this because the Lord has got you…you can get through ANYTHING because Jesus has walked before you and took care of it all. He’s got you. It’s time to infuse yourself in his word, praise Him, and stand in faith. I lift you and your mother up for healing, comfort, and whatever else y’all need.

    Like

  35. Wonderful post and how I relate. My Mom passed away two years ago this past March. I always say, “It is not her I miss so much, it is her voice. If I could only hear her call me Sis one more time.” I know what it is like to yearn for something I will never hear again, until I join her in heaven. My Mom also had Alzheimer’s. Talk about losing the Mother you always knew???? Something happened.

    See she could remember things way, way back, but could not remember anything which happened in the last minute. So I knew she could no longer live in my world, but I had to live in hers. She begin to tell me stories which I had never heard, when me and my siblings were small. Things about her and Daddy. Daddy confirmed they were true.

    So instead of longing for the only Mother I ever knew, I loved the one she became to me. See she remembered what I could not, as I was too little. She gave to me things about my family life, I would have never of known about, otherwise. At that point I always called her, “The mother I do not remember.”

    We always want to be that child. That child who was loved and protected by their Mother. That unconditional love and the care they provided for us in life. There is no greater security. Then life comes in and all of a sudden, we have to be that care giver. We have to do what is best for them. Our lives at times, fades away within it all. It is hard to watch them suffer, as they did us when we were kids.

    Now you take what she instilled in you and give it back to her. Learn to love the Mother she is now. Keep the Mother she was in your heart, go forward with the one which has been brought into your life, now. You will never regret it. You must live in her world now, just as she lived in yours from the day you were born, until present.

    Take care and all I have to say is this. She produced a wonderful daughter and human being. One who cares and loves. That is the part of her you will always want to hold dear in your heart. Love you and God Bless, SR

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi SR, thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry for your loss. Gosh, my heart just goes out to you. conditions of the mind are often the hardest to deal with. I am so grateful for the beautiful wisdom and perspective you’ve blessed me with here. You have an incredible heart and spits and that shines through. Love the Mother she is now. I love that so much. This brought me to tears. Thanks you. thank you thank you friend. you are a blessing to me. big hugs x

      Like

  36. Caralyn, I dearly love your blog ❤ We are all discovering things/sides of ourselves, strength and other attributes we knew not of. I contend that when we set foot on the path with God we are being sculpted to be of maximum service to His will.

    Like

  37. Beautiful song! If only things could stay the same and bad things didn’t happen but sadly that is not the way life goes but without struggle there is no gain and god only gives us what we can handle . You both are such strong women you will endure . Thinking of you.

    Like

  39. This is courageous, and beautiful, and filled with depth. The Holy Spirit is in the house.
    I’ve been down the road of grieving, and hopelessness over the illness of somone close. My wife nearly died from cancer, and took years to recover from a bone marrow transplant. Fear does try to take control, and for me it wasn’t a matter of conquering it. I barely survived the horror of everything. It does change you, and perhaps we can be changed in a positive way. I think the key is a matter of trust and faith. I’ve only been coming back for the past couple of years. And being able to accept love is also so essential.
    This is an absolutely wonderful post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oh wow, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I am so sorry that you’ve had to walk this road. I’m glad that your wife is okay . that’s a powerful way to look at it: a matter of trust and faith. That really puts a lot of things in perspective. thanks again for sharing this and for your kind words. Know that you and your family are in my prayers. big hugs x

      Liked by 1 person

  40. This blog reminds me of my late grandmother. She called me 2 weeks before her passing sharing with me about my mum and and my aunt. This is during her stroke and being a tough lady she walked towards the phone and made me this call. More than 10 years after her passing, her words still rings in my head. I often blamed myself for not spending enough time with her but concentrated on my career. Till the day on her death bed, calling out for me when I was working in Australia, I was such a coward and thinking that my grandma will survive as she survived stomach cancer, lung cancer and ovarian cancer. Such as tough lady will not face the death bed so soon at the age of 74, the truth that she had been poisoned by the caretaker whom we hired to take care of her.

    The lesson here is we do not know when our loved ones will leave us but we should cherish their presence and spend time with them.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. And I am just heart sick to hear that she was poisoned. My heart just goes out to you. I cannot begin to imagine the heart ache you and your family endured. that’s really powerful advice. thank you friend. sending big hugs xox

      Liked by 1 person

  41. Caralyn, everything I’ve tried to write to you tonight comes out lousy. I’m simply glad that you have such a great relationship with both your parents! Remember that I keep you and her in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs to you tonight!

    Like

      5. When I get caught up in the office or I hit 5:00 I’ll send you an update on how I’m doing. Good and bad news – which beats all bad every day of the week…and twice on Sundays! 🙂

        Like

  42. I don’t share your beliefs, Caralyn; but, I do share your human feelings, loves, family ties, challenges, strengths, kindnesses and human foibles. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post, which is filled with love; and wish you all the strength needed to conquer fear and grief…
    Many blessings to you…
    xoxoxo

    Like

  44. Beautiful !! We are all the Lord’s workmanship and He makes all beautiful in His time. But some He makes sparkle sooner than others. The Lord’s fingerprints in your life, of giving you so much understanding of Him, is something beautiful to behold. He has blessed you! May He continue to bless you, so richly!

    Like

  45. I loved that line, “You can endure anything for three seconds”. So true in life. Mom’s know just the right words to make us feel brave, protected and loved. We all go through peaks and valleys in our lives; sometimes the struggle to climb up to the top can be quite cumbersome. It tests us and sometimes along the way we feel a sense of hopelessness. Just remember that God won’t abandon us even in our darkest times. So just have faith and stay strong when things seem unbearably impossible. You never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have.

    Like

    1. Thanks Mark. Yeah, my mom is full of pack-a-punch one liners 🙂 you’re so right about mom’s – they’re the best. Amen to that – God won’t abandon us. thanks for your encouragement. it really means a lot. big hugs x

      Liked by 1 person

  46. Tell you what, change your perspective angle: your mother is alive, clear voice or not.
    Six years ago, my truly angelic mother – my biggest supporter and number one fan – died stupidly following surgery at the other end of the world. At that time, my third child was only 8 months old, I absolutely had to finish up writing my doctoral thesis (according to newly introduced rules combined with maternity leave, I could not postpone it further), and I had just been offered and had accepted a job as the executive director of an important museum. It sounds ridiculously crazy, but I assure you it’s true. I simply did not have the time to grieve for another one year and a half. At the end of this period, having given up the job and having finished my doctorate cum laude, I naturally collapsed. What literally kept me from suicide were only the love for my children and the belief that my mother has witnessed all my efforts from heaven. I would have given ANYTHING to have my mom at my graduation.
    So exalt that your mother is there with you. Just that. I am quite sure you do, but a reminder doesn’t hurt.

    Like

    1. Oh friend, my heart just breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss. you’re right – that is a very important thing to keep in perspective. Gosh, I’m so glad that your children have been a source of strength for you. And yes, I do believe that she is looking down lovingly from Heaven. Thanks for this powerful response. sending so much love. x

      Like

  47. Just wondering if your parents had a voice mail from you before you went home through your struggles with anorexia would there feelings be the same as your’s? Just a thought. Great post. We are all on the journey God has planned; you, your mother and father and all others. Some days the best we can do is pick up our cross and follow until we can trade it in for our crown. You sure can paint your life picture with your use of words. Thanks. John

    Like

    1. That’s a really powerful thought, John. I am sure that if not a voice mail, then perhaps something else or a memory or something. Thanks for this powerful perspective. big hugs to you xox

      Like

  49. I love the authenticity of your post and I know the Lord loves it – he want’s his children to be real. Illness is such a tough one, but worse when it’s others as we often have to learn to embrace and love the person that emerges and they are not always the same but as you say different can be good. My Mum suffered from cancer a number of years back and she’s emerged and I am grateful as I see the butterfly.

    Hange tight, his grace truly is sufficient – for your Mum and you
    F xx

    Like

    1. Hi Felicia, oh gosh, thank you so much. I think you’re right – all He wants to do is love us and be in relationship with Him – the good and bad. I am so sorry you had to walk a similar road with your momma. I’m glad to hear she’s okay 🙂 sending so much love x

      Like

  50. It’s crazy how similar my story is to yours right now. My brother recently went through something really hard and it changed our life forever. When I was told about it, I thought “okay, after this weekend it’ll be behind us” but I was wrong. This event will follow us forever. That weekend was my three seconds. The three seconds turned into weeks and now it’s looking like years. I needed this post. I’m praying for you and your sweet mom. Much love xoxo

    Like

    1. Hi Caitlin, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I’m sorry that you’ve had to walk a similar road with your brother. I hope everything is okay. i will definitely keep you and him and your family in my prayers. sending so much love. thanks for the prayers x

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a reply to windsofchange18 Cancel reply