Strangers on a Plane

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

There are really two types of people when it comes to airplanes: there are the talkers, and then those who would rather get a root canal than socialize with the person seated next to them.

Admittedly, I am the latter. Earbuds in, sunglasses on – I am a fortress. I am simultaneously praying for a) the plane not to go down, and b) my seat mate to not try to drum up small talk. Priorities, right?

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But I love flying, I really do. Riding in an airplane is always a bit of an adventure. You never know who you’ll be sitting by, and for a couple hours, you’re completely out of control, and unplugged.

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I was flying back to Ohio today from New York. And there are always a lot of emotions, seeing the intimidating city skyline of Manhattan slowly morph into the lush and fertile Ohio River valley. A sight that evokes feelings of home, feelings of familiarity, comfort, and slowness. It’s like time in Ohio mimics the winding river – things here just seem to lolly along, not rushing life, but taking it casually as it rolls along.

But as we were in the descent today, I saw something that made me catch my breath.

The whole ride, I had been asleep. In my own little closed off world – which was how I liked it.

But as I was packing up my things for an efficient deplaning process, out of the corner of my eye, I saw on the upper thigh of the young woman sitting next to me, the scars from where she had repeatedly cut herself long ago.

And in that instant, my heart broke into tiny little pieces for this young woman.

I continued my packing up, and, not being obvious or anything, I caught a look at this young woman’s face. She had a short pixie cut, jet black, and eyes that had this depth to them. Eyes that, honestly, I recognized – like my own. They were eyes that had seen pain.

And watching her get off the plane and continue on her way, I couldn’t help but to say a prayer for her.

On the way home, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I felt so much guilt for being so wrapped up in my own seclusion that I missed an opportunity to connect with someone who quite very possibly could have used a friend. Or at least someone to talk to.

Not that I would have ever brought up her scars – I mean, I have more tact than that, people. But I would have talked about my blog and my history with anorexia. And I don’t know, you just never know how that will impact someone, and what it will spark in them to open up about.

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Sitting here tonight, I obviously have been quite effected by this woman.

I don’t know her story. I don’t know who she is or where she’s from or anything. I only know that she survived pain. And my heart has so much compassion for her.

Self-harm is something that a lot of people in the eating disorder community struggle with. And even though it isn’t part of my story, my heart breaks for those who have been moved to do so.

And who am I to judge, either.

Because quite honestly, anorexia is one giant scar. It is motivated from that same place of despair and quest for control.

I think about Jesus, and how broken His heart is to see His children hurting themselves. How He came and died for us, and we willing choose pain instead of embrace His love.

I just wanted to hold her hand and tell her that she’s worth His love. That she is so infinitely precious to the Father and that He would give anything — including the life of His Son — to take away that pain and that shame and that guilt. He already did.

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And as I sat there, thinking about all those things I wished I could say to her, I realized that those very same things could be said to me.

And to you, too.

We all have scars. We all have reminders of pain that we try to cover up.

But our scars tell a story. They remind us that we survived. That we overcame and healed.

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This blog – telling my story – that’s my scar. And it is radiant because He has redeemed me through it. He is the reason I survived. His glory shines through it.

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I wonder what she would say if I asked her about the story her scars tell.

I bet it would be quite the story of victory. Of healing and strength.

To this mystery warrior woman: I’m sorry that I didn’t engage with you. I’m sorry that I didn’t see the person right in front of me. I hope you know that your story is worth telling and being heard. And that I, for one, would have been honored to listen.

And your story is too.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

223 thoughts on “Strangers on a Plane”

  2. I think God frequently arranges meetings and we frequently miss them. I seem to be most open to people on Sunday after Mass and then less and less as the week goes by. Good thing I get recharged every Sunday!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Heart touching writing, pastor. I believe she might have cherished her quiet time as you did. The gift you can give her is to keep her in your prayers as a sister who has been there. God hears every word of our prayers and I believe God’s Holy Spirit will touch her heart and let her know. Prayers for you and your family! You are so observant and inspirational ! Thank you for sharing your gifts!

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  6. I believe we all go through these times Caralyn, when we feel we have missed an opportunity to encourage someone, listen to a broken / hurting heart, or tell someone of the love of Jesus Christ, and the penalty and suffering that He paid for us.
    Once we feel we miss that opportunity, the enemy slyly attacks, or sometimes boldly attacks putting us down. Jesus has that covered too, as He gives us the Victory to move on.
    The major act that you did, was pray for her immediately, and then ongoing. Holy Spirit now takes your prayers, and He runs with them. He knows that young lady, where she is, all her past, and her hurts. He will be ministering to her now, and lead someone to her in the future. Prayer is powerful, and you offered that prayer, and Holy Spirit is working even now, for that young lady to hear about and know Jesus Christ.
    Honoured to know you Caralyn!
    Luv, 🌹❤️😘
    George

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  7. Amen! One reason why it’s so important to engage and tell our stories is because many people think they’re the only one. Everyone else in the whole world is “normal.” I’m the only one who has issues. I’m totally alone and there’s something wrong with me.

    I’m laughing here, but if you look somewhat “normal,” high functioning, put together, it’s twice as important. I’m laughing because I about fell over the first time someone accused me having it all together, of being “normal,” and it wasn’t until that instant that I realized people on the outside can’t see my brokenness, they have no idea how shattered I’ve been. I haven’t got scars that show.

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  10. You are helping this young woman by sharing this story. If not you, someone will help her, someone will share their story and listen to hers. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ. He well knows her story and recognizes the compassion you do have for her. Trust that another sister, mother, brother, friend, will approach her and offer love, understanding, and the chance to share stories. It will happen in His time and the place of His choosing. In the meantime, your story speaks to us all about the importance of being aware of those around us … and the many chances we have every single day to make a difference in someone’s life … or … have someone make a difference in ours. jan

    Liked by 1 person

  13. It was probably intended to happen just as it did. Of course there’s no way for us to know. Besides, you’re already doing so much. I’m sure if we started counting everything we ‘miss’, we’d end up with the whole world around us. 🙂

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  14. I’m grateful you heard the Father and brought her before the Lord. Remember somethings are by fasting and praying. You did just that. And so let’s praise the Lord. I love you.

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  16. Jesus’ broken heart over his children hurting themselves. That’s what sticks with me. And we have a million ways to inflict inner pain… All those in pain have my heartfelt prayers.

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  17. If ever a director needed an Audrey Hepburn type, you would totally fit the bill. That picture of you with your sunglasses half way down your nose, that was so redolent of Hepburn. Pardon me for saying so, but you are amongst the more beautiful women in the world. In my humble opinion. Not trying to be creepy. Have a good night.

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

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  18. I loved this entry so much. I have blogged about where I was. What I dealt with over the years. I know some felt sorry for me, but to be honest, I am a warrior! I am tough, strong, and yet soft and gentle all at the same time. I wear my armor but I know when to take it off peice by peice. Life is hard for us all. In different ways. We are all brave in different ways and we are all scarred in different ways. I am so glad that this woman affected you so. Hugs my friend!

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  19. Jesus is fully present then, now and always. There is a holy appointment thing where opportunities to care arise. Call that an extroverts logic about reaching out and being with people.

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  22. Well, Caralyn, first off – I’m glad the title wasn’t STRANGENESS ON A PLANE! Otherwise I might’ve had to get the defibrillator out again!

    I guess you wouldn’t like to be my seat mate on plane! I don’t always yammer away at people, but I try to find an opening and then talk about God, the Bible, archeology…anything that can get them thinking about God if they aren’t already.

    I don’t manage to do that every time I fly, but I make on effort. Sometimes I get a good response, sometimes they find the clouds fascinating! Sometimes I don’t say anything, but then a conversation starts just before landing and we both regret not conversing sooner.

    I was able to speak of God and eternity with a young Scandinavian girl years ago as I flew into Denmark en route to Scotland. I don’t know if it ever had an effect, but then that’s above my “pay grade.” Point is, I scattered some seed for God. I believe it was the start of something

    Your prayers for that young woman today are good. What you learned about striking up a conversation with strangers is also a help.

    I decided long ago that we piss and moan way too much in this world. Whenever I have a waiter or waitress who communicate with me instead of just processing me, I tell the manager. The other day the young lady at Bed, Bath, & Beyond wrapped up part of our purchase before putting it in the bag. I thanked her for the extra effort. Her tired, near-the-end-of-the-shift face suddenly brightened like she just got a second wind.

    Even if it’s just telling someone that they have a nice smile (which you do, by the way) I try to pay sincere compliments as often as I can.

    I’m not bragging about me; I’m just trying to point out how people are a lot lonelier than we suspect, that they can use a good word more than we think. While living in an amazing city, I think New Yorkers have to be some of the loneliest people on earth! So many people and so few connections! We can’t light the whole world, but we can light our part of it. It’s amazing how rewarding that can be!

    Everyone has their comfort zone. Talking with folks on flights is outside of yours. That’s fine. But if you want to change that, I know you have enough backbone to do it. Lord knows you’ve already done some heavy lifting!

    I was reading through my diary earlier today, checking on some things when I ran across my entry for 3/29/2017…the day we met up in Ohio. “I wasn’t sure what to expect, hoping neither of us would be disappointed. She breezed in, we smiled, she came right over and hugged me; said she felt like she was seeing an old friend for the first time in a while. She was there and full on. It was…great! We talked for about an hour before she had to leave to go on a walk with her mom. So intense, so bright, so alive and deliberate! I feel so blessed to make this connection! We joked, laughed, got serious, laughed some more…what a great friend to have made!”

    You had passed on an earlier opportunity to meet; it wasn’t yet time. When you felt comfy with a meet up, you seem to have gotten as much out of it as I did!

    You’ve come so far in your journey, I know that you will find that time to take another step, to not go into fortress mode on planes…or anywhere else. And I’m not meaning to burden you with an idea that you have a responsibility to engage people like that. It’s just that you’ll find it to be more rewarding than you can imagine. You got a taste of that on the flight; “If only I’d talked to her at the start instead of missing the opportunity.” It wouldn’t have just been about what you might have contributed to her but what you would have found yourself enjoying too!

    So my prophetess friend, here endeth the lesson. I am sure you’ve already saved lives through BBB. You’ve improved mine. And you continue to run a surplus for it!!

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    1. Hahha strangeness on a plane. lol That’s so awesome that you’re able to sow those seeds for Him on planes – you never know the impact those convo have. That’s such great advice – just say what we feel! Such a powerful lesson. You are definitely good at that! Not bragging at all! Yes – it’s like the starfish lesson – it matters to that one. And gosh thank you for sharing that entry with me. Gosh I am so touched. That was such a wonderful meeting and I can’t wait until the nExt one – hopefully aight Julie and HOPEFULLY in NYC! Great lesson friend, thank you. Maybe on my flight back, I’ll take the plunge and strike up a convo!! 🙂 have a great night Jeff. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Next time ask her about her scars. Because, as you noted we all have them. We are all wounded in some way. We should not shy away from each others pain. Rather, we should reach out and embrace the wounded. In so doing we are embracing ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Reblogged this on Ad Infinite-item and commented:
    Your story is worth the pain experienced when Jesus is at the center of your healing. Each missed opportunity to tell someone of it redoubles my sensitivity to the next willing ear He affords me. A beautiful example from Caralyn over at beautybeyondbones dot com.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. I have to confess to the same behaviour on a plane you favour. I just about lived in an aeroplane for my last ten years in Asia and getting away from those pressure cooker hasty meetings in one country then on to the next country the plane was my escape where I could find rest. I could also get some well needed sleep or a hasty scan of professional journals to underline sections of interest for my secretary in Singapore to put into quick read documents for a more intensive read when I got back to the office for a couple of weeks. Conversation was not always welcome, and there were times when your seat mate could be very disruptive. But occasionally there was someone of interest to talk with. You have a good heart to recognize those who need your prayers.

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  31. I don’t mean to come off as the lone wolf of all these comments. But aren’t there a lot of assumptions being made here? All that was seen were scares, which doesn’t say anything about where this woman was/is on her journey of healing. Is she currently in pain? You don’t know that, has she healed her pain, you don’t know that either. But to just assume a story based on scares that could be who knows how old isn’t quite fair to her. Or assuming she’s on pain. You don’t know that. Iv e referenced the book The Four Agreements before, one the agreements is Don’t Make Assumptions, when we do we create stories based on our experiences that may not be true for others (paraphrase of course) leading to a ripple effect of tunnel vision. I understand what you’re saying. When I’m on a plane I seldom tell people what I do for a living because I have no place to go I’m trapped on that plane. So like you i go on radio silence. However, when I see people drinking on that plane I don’t assume they have a drinking problem and offer my card. Again, I’m not trying to be the difficult one on here but maybe this woman was just fine.

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    1. Thank you for this powerful perspective. You’re right, I shouldn’t make assumptions. And I definitely agree – having a drink on a plane doesn’t make one an alcoholic. I was basing my thoughts on the fact that she had cutting scars that seemed like they were 10+ years healed. That is all the information I had and I shouldn’t have jumped to any conclusions, because again..I don’t know her whole story. Thanks for this powerful reminder. I appreciate it. Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  32. I should mention that I don’t mind ine or the other. I have flown too many times to remember. I have had my share of experiences and individuals. From funny to intriguing to disgusting. I think I’ve seen it all. I go with the flow. If people want to talk to me, I talk. If they don’t, then I don’t. I may start a conversation myself. But I can’t really say of I’m the chatty passenger or the quiet one. Maybe I’m both.

    For most part, I don’t remember the people I sat next to. As I said, too many flights to count. But there’s always someone you are going to remember for the rest of your life. I’m sure you’ll never forget this woman.

    I remember my flight when I moved to the United States. It was a memorable flight. We went through some nasty storms that ending up damaging the on-board radar and something else. We were basically flying blind with the ground directing the pilots. The gentleman next to me had been quiet the entire trip and I respected that. But when the turbulences got that bad and lighting was surrounding us, I started to fel bad for him. His knuckles were white as snow and he was grabbing the armrests for dear life. I also noticed that he was praying. I couldn’t help myself and had to talk to him. He could have been my father. I was in my just-passed mid-20s. He was scared to death of flying. And he still had two more connections to go through after that international flight that was going to last about 13 hours.

    I felt compelled to distract her. He started to tell me about his family. He was originally from Chile and he was going back home to Canada after some business trip. One thing took to another and we ended up talking about the Virgin Mary. He was a fierce devote of Her, as most Latin Americans are. But he had never heard of my favourite devotion: María Desatanudos (Our Lady Untier / Undoer of Knots.) I took out my prayer card and showed it to him. He was fascinated woth the story. I shared with him how I was so sure that devotion had gotten me my visa and pass to this country. He wanted to learn more. By then, the airplane was rattling like pots do at a busy restaurant. The storm had gotten worse. But this gentleman was completely absorbed in my story and relaxed. He asked if he could hold my prayer card for the rest of the storm. Of course, I let him. In fact, I let him keep it once we landed. He didn’t want to take it. I insisted. He needed it more than me at that point. I never sae or heard from this man again. But it made me feel good that I had been able to help him calm down. He was really in bad shape when the flight got shaky.

    We never know who we’re going to get next to us. But for a flitting moment, it might make an everlasting difference in our lives.

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  33. Absolutely LOVED your post. There have been so many times I left a situation regretting that I didn’t take the step to say hi and hope to make an impact on a life that you can just tell is on the edge. It’s posts like this that give us courage the next time that situation comes up. Thank you! Love reading your thoughts.

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  34. I am new to your blog. I love it because it is refreshing to hear you growing in your faith. My husband and I frequently talk to people on planes about God. It is a natural reflection of our beliefs. When you allow God to use you, He sets up the situations for you to speak. What I really wanted to comment on, was the girl. I will pray for her. We all need it no matter where we are in the journey. My foster daughter, doesn’t cut but she does pick at herself which causes scabs. She is 8 and we have overcome a lot, but realize there is much to come. It is an encouragement to hear from your perspective.

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  36. Beautiful post! You’re right…our scars remind us that we survived, overcame and healed! A scar is part of the healing process, a visual reminder that where once there was pain, we found strength to let it mend. It is a sign of victory and not defeat. Hope the mystery warrior woman feels the same too!

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  37. Did you think that if you had had a conversation, that could have been helpful and loving? Sharing ‘our stories’ is good if we use them to comfort others. And if we listen to them! Just a couple of thoughts from an oldie! It is, after all, such a individualistic society, and Jesus’s society was one where people could’ve reached out more easily than we do here.

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    1. Thanks Mari. That’s a great thought. Yeah, I would pray that it would have been helpful and loving! I guess we need to just let the Holy Spirit move us. I should be more open to that. Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Hugs and love xox

      Liked by 1 person

  39. I can relate to this so much. I also sit on a plane with earphones in praying no one speaks to me. Purely for my own selfish fear of flying. I don’t want to be removed from my self created protective bubble. We all miss opportunities to connect with people to offer our support and love. I find myself also offering out prayer in my head. I wish sometimes I just had the guts to get over my insecurities to offer out the news that Jesus is there for anyone who wishes to come to him. Thanks for sharing, have a blessed day.

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  44. Thank you for sharing your experience. I also struggle with an eating disorder. I have since I was 13-years-old. I am now 47. I am STILL trying to find my way out of the tight constraints of bulimia and binge eating disorder.
    I have also been in that place you described. I’ve felt guilty over not seeing the struggle in the lives of others. I had a similar experience on September 11, 2001. Yup…9-11. I was on the train and sitting next to a woman who was struggling not to cry out loud. My heart broke and I wanted so desperately just to touch her hand and comfort her. I was afraid of how she would take it. Here I was…a total stranger. Yet, all I wanted to do was reach out and help. Instead, I took out a tissue and handed it to her. I felt a bit awkward in doing that but I felt worse that I didn’t do what I really wanted to. It took a long time for me to let go of that moment that passed me by. I learned a lot about myself that day. I searched my heart for ways I could do things differently. It’s hard to allow others to see our vulnerabilities especially when we don’t know the other people. Don’t beat yourself up :). Allow yourself to show that compassion and empathy to yourself. You are a beautiful person and a very gifted writer.
    Blessings,
    Carol

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    1. Thanks so much Lyndy for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you can so personally relate but I’m glad we’re both embracing freedom! Wow that sounds like a powerful experience. You’re right – those opportunities are all around. Hugs and love xox

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  45. Thank you so much for working on your blog and being a light and encouragement to do many people! 🙂 It’s awesome to see strong Christians who value God blessing others with their work ❤

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  46. A missed opportunity for sure but also a lesson of sorts and a reminder that at anytime, anywhere there is always someone looking for a kind word or two, an encouragement and enlightenment. Hold your head up and look for the next opportunity. God Bless………

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  49. Thank you for sharing your very uplifting posts as usual , God bless you . I am one of those talkers on the plane. I can always strike up a conversation with someone . As usual , it’s the fact that I’m a woman who likes sports, lol. But as for the young lady’s scars, we all have them whether they are visible or not. I still have my scars from the operations that I had from so many years ago . I don’t look at them as something ugly, I look at them as the good Lord still has me around to see another day and for that I always give him praise.

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    1. Thanks friend. Haha you’re a talker , that’s awesome. If we ever sat together,I’d take my earbuds out and have a convo 🙂 hehe thanks for sharing that – you’re right – they remind us that we’re here – we survived. God is good. Hugs and love xox

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