Take A Selfie? #narcissism

So you know how Google is coming out with a new phone, and how they’re advertising it all over TV?

(And no this isn’t an ad…)

But their main selling point is twofold: First, that there’s unlimited photo storage, and secondly, that it can take a “selfie”  through voice recognition, simply by saying, “Take a selfie.”

And all day yesterday, during the Bengals/Steelers game, this freaking commercial kept coming on, with that teenage girl floating on a big flamingo inner tube in the water going “Take a selfie! Take a selfie! Take a selfie!” with the varying duck faces and pouts to follow.

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And as I felt myself getting more and more annoyed at that stupid ad, I thought to myself, “Is that what we’ve come to?” — That the main selling point for this huge phone – that is trying to rival Apple – is that it can take a selfie through voice recognition?!

Are you kidding me?

This. This is what we’ve come to, people.

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I’ve got a dirty little confession here folks: I’ve been watching a lot of Keeping Up with the Kardashians here lately. And every time, I’m always just struck with the nauseating level of narcissism going on in that family. I should probably stop watching it actually, for fear that it is going to rub off on me…

But the more and more I’m becoming aware of the toxic level of self-absorption that is seeping into our culture, the more I can see it in everyday life.

One of my favorite “games” to play as I’m walking around NYC is “spot the selfie”…and let’s just say, it can get pretty entertaining.

But here’s the sad thing…the more I can spot it in others, the more aware I am of it in myself, too.

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I got to go to my favorite church yesterday, since I’m home for a hot second in Ohio. And the sermon was all about the very first commandment….Not having any other gods before God. 

I think when people – myself included – think about that, they think about the obvious idols we have in our lives: money, power, success, food, cars etc. Those we can grasp pretty easily.

But what about the idol that is literally staring back at us in the mirror.

What about the idol of self?

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Now let me pause here for just a minute to address the elephant in the room. The irony is not lost on me that here I am literally talking about narcissism, on a blog that is about myself.

Hello, pot. Meet kettle.

But the idol of self very well may be the most pervasive of all competing “gods” in our lives. And in today’s social media obsessed society, where reality TV has become the norm, and a comfortable, self-focused way of living is habitual…we’re becoming the monsters that we’ve helped create.

Growing up, I always heard about how this was the “Me First Generation.” I’d like to amend that to simply the “Me Generation.” Because by saying “Me first,” it implies that the person is even considering the other person that is going second. I think we’ve surpassed that and now it’s just me.

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And you can see this in everything from our advertisements – Google celebrating the selfie function of its phone, and with unlimited storage so you can hoard every precious selfie. — To how we live our lives.

The age at which people get married and have kids has dramatically shifted to later in life. Why? So that people can focus on themselves, and their career, and their travels, and free time, not wanting to be tied down or imposed upon by *gasp* another person.

And that’s not a judgment, hello – I’m in that boat, too. But it’s all just very…singular focused.

And it is a really tough aspect of life to navigate and try to escape. And I’m going to be really honest, it is something that I definitely struggle with: that idol of self.

And so listening to the homily, it really convicted me and made me reflect on…myself.

“Then repay …to God what belongs to God.” (Matt 22:21)

Everything I have — I — belong to God, and therefore, I need to be giving my life to Him. To His service. To helping His children.

That is how God wants us to live. Repay to God what belongs to God.

I think I can get too caught up in the scheduling and nit-pickiness of blogging to forget that that was and is the BBB mission: helping others overcome adversity – especially those struggling with eating disorders. That’s why I wrote my book. And that’s why I continue to write this blog.

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The (often over-)sharing of myself and my life and ideas – it all has to point back to that mission: helping God’s children, one beautiful soul at a time.

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As far as the other sources of conceitedness in my life, I think awareness is key. Every time I want to think about myself, I need to pause and turn it around…how does this effect someone else? 

How can I use my time or my resources for the betterment of someone other than myself?

How can I give? How can I listen? How can I serve?

I know Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I can take baby steps.

That, and banning the Kardashians from my Netflix queue.

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321 responses to “Take A Selfie? #narcissism”

  3. Here’s where I disagree. I’ve never taken a selfie. It’s not because I’m a paragon of selflessness, but because my self-esteem is critically low, just barely above zero and in general, I’m not a fan of myself. For me to take a selfie, it would be reaching a heretofore unprecedented level of self-confidence. Because I believe myself to be an utterly unworthy individual, I haven’t even begun dating, marrying, or having children. It just goes to show that people aren’t a one-size-fits-all conundrum, some of us need one thing, the rest of us another.

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    • thanks for sharing this, Jamie. oh, gosh my heart just goes out to you. i have been there friend. You *are* worthy and good and important 🙂 Yeah, for me, honestly, taking a selfie is a celebration of my the healing that’s taken place within my heart. thanks again for sharing your story. sending massive hugs to you xox

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      • On the bright side – that’s a really, really nice camera. My guess is you can get some epic color shots and great landscape photos. I’d suggest visiting sunsetwx.com if you’d like to try your hand at sunrise/sunset photos – they can tell you when and where the better sunrises and sets will be, the rest is up to your imagination.

  4. Night Song
    By Dennis Lee.
    Tell the ones you love, you
    Love them;
    Tell them now.
    For the day is coming, and also the night will come,
    When you will neither say it, nor hear it, nor care.
    Tell the ones you love.
    I have lost many who mattered, and I will say it again:
    Tell the ones you love, you love them.
    Tell them today.

    Reply

  5. You’re talking about yourself in this blog but you are also giving glory to god for the support he gives through your god and being a light for how amazing our god is and how he changes lives in their fullest. In other news, I’m so thankful you’re a Bengals fan & not a Steelers fan that definitely would break my heart 😂 hope you still love me even if I support a Bengals divisional rival in the form of the Baltimore Ravens 💜

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    • thanks Benjamin, gosh what a supportive comment. thank you. haha yes! WHODEY all the way!! 🙂 i think i can overlook your Raven’s love 🙂 haha sending big hugs to you friend xox

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      • Will always be here, will always be supportive of you, you were always there for me helping me to keep hold of faith when I wasn’t as involved in church life than I am now 💛 will always appreciate that, I hope we meet one day so I could begin to tell you how much it meant 💛 as for supporting Ravens at the moment, I honestly losing faith in them fast 😂 seems to be like supporting Jets all over again 😭

  8. I recently had a doctor “prescribe” me to put my own pictures together for her and other doctors because we were dealing with weight related issues. She boldly told me she was sure I had been big all of my life and that it was food related. She said it was because I had no pictures when she asked for one (I forgot about my license). She said she nor no other doctor would help me unless they saw them. She said she didn’t know of anyone who didn’t carry pics of themselves to show off when they were skinny. I told her I was too ashamed of my weight. She didn’t buy it. SO I had to dig out pictures.

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  9. I take selfies to show off make up. . . .however, they always feel so awkward. People that take millions of selfies confuse me. How do they even get a good shot? HA! Your post made me consider how my blog is helping others rather than just writing about myself all the time. Thank you for that.

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    • Thanks Stiina! Glad it made you think 🙂 oh I love makeup tutorials! Especially this time around Halloween! It’s so cool to see the incredible things people can do with makeup! Hugs and love xox

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  10. Wow I love this. It’s sad how many selfie sessions I’ve had for no good reason. But you’re right- awareness is key. I also get caught up in the ridiculousness of KUWTK. It’s so bad it’s good sometimes.

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  11. Cute Selfie!

    To tell the truth, the ‘take a selfie’ has been in Google phones for a very long time. But I’m with you, Seflieism is over the top. When selfie sticks came out I just wanted to lose it. There are so many better things to snap a photo of than my ugly mug, and besides, who wants to be that self-absorbed…

    I say that knowing my avatar on my blog…is a selfy! 🙂 Love your blog.

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  12. Another beautifully spoken post. I like MY company and I’m open about it with new friends. And it’s a healthy solitude. But it’s just as healthy to identify our personal struggles and seek to find the remedy. I believe doing so is what helps us become the best we can for ourselves and more importantly, God’s service. So….keep writing and examining what God is building for he alone is making it Beautt Beyond Bones!! And I for one enjoy the storylines in the making!!

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  13. Awesome! I became a mom right after my 22nd birthday and thought my life was over. I can laugh at it now, but then it was such a huge thing. I’m trying to teach my kids how to put others first. I really think you hit the nail on the head when you said our top idol is ourself. Seriously enjoy reading your blog. You are such an inspiration! ❤️❤️

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  14. This is exactly what I needed to read today. I’ve God trying to steer me away from myself and toward the others around me he is trying to draw to my attention. In the midst of a lot of life being not quite right, it’s been really hard. I am so focused on the issues, and how we’ll come through them, and how we’ll avoid them in future, always praying and thinking about me and my family and our situation…. I’ve heard this message stirring in my soul but kind of waved it away – yes, but, I just can’t help it – but now, your words have hit hard and poignant. I need to get out of my own head and start focusing on other people for a change – what are the needs around me, and how can I help?

    It takes a certain courage to be as brutally honest about your own shortcomings as you have been here – but be in no doubt that you have achieved that highest purpose of serving God’s will 🙂 Thank you for this post, I sense it is the catalyst for something important in my life.

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  15. In our increasingly Godless political, social and economic world of today it’s so refreshing to find someone who acknowledges our very lives and all we have and experience positively is because God encourages or permits. If we train self away from the distractions this world provides we can see a loving God who craves our social interaction with Him. Look at the beauty away from cities, the complexity of our animal friends and environment and you can see that loving hand at work. And what do we focus on? Our little selfies of course. What a limited vision that is, though I have to admit you’re worth a photo. But that’s because God made you beautiful both outside and within. Keep your focus where it should be and continue to prompt us to do the same with your useful blogs.

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  17. What worries me most about the google phone is the auto uploading of the photos to their storage site. Google isn’t well known for personal privacy. Somewhere in their contract (now or in the future) is going to be a clause that they can use the photos that you store on their site.

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  18. For me selfies are a snapshot of how one is feeling and experiencing life in a singular moment. It doesn’t have to be about being narcissistic or self absorbed. But you and I know sometimes its about saying look at me, look at me. Selfies have a purpose but they can also be a mirror into the soul.

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    • Hey Tony! Thanks for this! Oh I totally agree! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a selfie – I hope that didn’t come across that way in the post. It’s just when that “selfie-life” becomes the be-all-end-all, source of worth etc. but a selfie is harmless – and they can be really fun and silly! Haha Hugs and love xox

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  20. Kardashian fanatic?? Please say it ain’t so!! You know, just yesterday Julie and I were out to lunch, and I watched a father and his two daughters walk in the door and stagger to the counter like 3 drunks, eyes glued to their phones.

    Pride vs. self-evaluation. We need to monitor ourselves, admit our weaknesses and strengths in order to manage the gift of self that God has given. Never an easy task, always too easy to slip over into “Well, look at me!”

    I wrote Insidious Pride just last 8/26. I cited Al Pacino’s tour de force performance as Satan in Devil’s Advocate and his final line: “Vanity is definitely my favorite sin.”

    You do a lot of good here. Obviously, or you wouldn’t have so many readers – let’s not call them followers, eh? Too much temptation in that one word. I wrote you a while back on Patreon – I don’t know if you saw it – on how I’m very glad for the success you are enjoying, but I also cautioned on the ego that can slither in unnoticed. That’s what happened to me as an undergrad. That story is a large part of the Insidious Pride article.

    Anyway, the best way to defend against pride is to remain in God’s Word. Read, learn, and live it.

    I hope you are enjoying your visit home and spending some really great time with Mrs. BBB! Hugs to you!

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    • Hey Jeff! Wow – manage the gift of self that God has given – wow that is the spot on perspective of how we are supposed to live our lives!! And that really is right word for pride: insidious. Yes- read learn and live! Amen! Thanks Jeff. Oh gosh I haven’t been on patreon since I left! It’s been a bit of a whirlwind here. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you! I’ll check it out tonight 🙂 ok have a great night! Hugs to you and Julie!

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      • No worries. I know you have had a lot going on. There were a few over there I’m not sure you saw, but no worries, as I said. I just enjoy your articles and the mental exercise of digesting and responding. You put too much into this; I feel like giving a bit back, eh? You all remain in my prayers, especially during your visit home.

  21. First of all, great post! I think you really hit on a HUGE problem. We spend some much time focused on ourselves, that we are our own idols. We like to think that we don’t out other THINGS before God, but we def put ourselves.

    Secondly, a Cinni Bengals fan?! EW! 🙂

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  22. Great post.
    Every morning I need to thank God for reigning over the day…I need to hand it over to Him, knowing He has specific things for me to do for His honor and glory. When I don’t, I am self-righteous, self-indulgent, and self-pitying. Self, self, self.
    I am so thankful to be in relationship with a God so worthy of every breath! A God of greater beauty than we can even comprehend. A God who is our very life-source.
    I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning.
    Peace!

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  23. Love your own self realization in this post and how you remember to think of what we owe God. This world and society is very self centered and it takes great awareness to keep working on ourselves. Refreshing read!

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  24. I could make a joke, but I’m not. This hit me between the eyes because recovery, as you know, is all about self. I think that’s why even at the bottom of the barrel we long to climb out to forget about self. When I was hot and heavy with my psychologist or psychiatrist I would sometimes have an out of body experience wondering if this was really happening. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who lifts us out of despair friend.

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    • Hey Daniel! thanks so much. yeah, that’s so true – it’s all about learning to love and take care of ourself. Thanks for sharing this perspective. yes! thank God for the HS! Hugs and love xox

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  27. This is a very enjoyable piece. You’ve done well. Now let me pose a question to you: do you think that narcissism and greed might be two sides of the same coin? Or are they qualitatively different?

    I don’t see the Kardashians falling over themselves to help hurricane or fire victims (have I missed something?). I haven’t seen so-called “reality stars” stepping up to help anyone, have you?

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  28. Well, I’m going to date myself – I am part of that “Me Generation”. Oddly enough the first time I heard it (in my early 20’s) to say I was put off by the phrase would be mild. I’d say though, it’s been a consistent theme through everything in life. A number of things this year have me seriously thinking about self centeredness, and the potential damage it can wreak on us spiritually.
    There is a difference between seeing our self as a well loved child of the Living God, and seeing our self as the center of the universe it’s all about ME! ME! Me!
    There is a beauty in the difference. Thank God.

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  29. Dang, you got me thinking again. Narcissism, sigh. The difficulty is a narcissistic person doesn’t know he/she is narcissistic. Or doesn’t care. But if we are honest with ourselves, we are all probably narcissistic in some ways. I think you’re right that our current lifestyle encourages it. After being single for so long, I’ve gotten used to expressing myself, especially online, independently without regard to how it affects others. Now that I’m getting married, and my fiancée is a city official, I have to be more careful what I post. Waiting later for marriage and children, we get more used to thinking and acting independently, which does have its advantages. I certainly don’t want to go back to the days when everyone got married in their teens, marriages were arranged by parents, and girls didn’t go to school because the only jobs available for most of them was wife/homemaker. I don’t mean that’s not an important job. But I think it’s good that more options are available for women now.
    It’s easy to forget, though, that with more independence comes more opportunities for pride, selfishness, and narcissism. AA recommends taking fearless moral inventories of ourselves. I think that applies not only to addiction but to narcissism. So as Jesus said, we must watch and pray.

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    • Aw thanks for this reflection David. Yeah I think we all have some of this in our lives in one form or another. Congrats on your engagement! That’s super exciting. I will definitely keep you and your fiancé in my prayers 🙂 fearless moral inventories … I like that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Hugs and love xox

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  30. Our pastor preached on a similar topic this week as well. I am guilty of being a milinal 😆but this idea of being so self absorbed has skyrocketed into something much worse ; a generation. It is a spiral of just one step after another, one thing after another that is all about me and not about another person. In the society we live in it is just the norm to be self-absorbed. Can we personally say (me included) that we have spent more time with God than we have with our little piece of technology? I don’t think I can!😢 but like you said baby steps!

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    • Try reading at least one verse a day and then move on from there. I think people say. . .OH JUMP IN AND READ 3 CHAPTERS A NIGHT. . ..and I’m like. . . ”Agghhh” because I’m so busy. So, because I’m off track too, it helps to start small. As long as you take a step in the right direction, it all counts. 🙂

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  32. Yes this is perfect. I too often go to bed wondering, “Did I really keep my thoughts focused on God today.” I don’t always like the answer, but like you hinted at, the fact we at least worry about this means all is not lost.

    It’s so easy to get caught up in this, even for a grown man like me. As always, I appreciate your perspective. 👍👍👍 Very helpful. Many thanks and God bless.

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  33. Truth! I have stopped watching KUWTK for several reasons. Language and sexual themes being top two. God has convicted me deeply with the show. If it does not represent Him, why am I watching, cause it isn’t something I could openly watch with Christ physically here. I’ve thought about writing more on this, on how this affects my life, and how God uses conviction for His positivity. I enjoy reality and drama.

    I like stories, and watching how people relate/react to others and situations. Admittedly, there are a few times per year I sometimes do attempt to watch an episode, cause I want to see how they are doing. But I am glad God has pricked my spirit to feel uneasy, and when I feel the prick He’s enabled me to be able to say no, and I turn off the show. 🙂 The few times continues to dwindle with time, and overall I’m happy, and my spirit’s urge to watch the show is not as strong, and I think that’s because of pointing my desires towards God, and not, as you said, towards myself.

    There are other ways for me to view drama that is not saturated in themes I don’t need to be a part of. And this is strictly on how God has convicted my heart of course, not how everyone should be affected. I think this is a very personal choice we have to make when He speaks to us, especially considering how EASY it is for us to be desensitized in media (music, movies, tv shows, and books).

    Thank you for opening up and being honest. We all can learn from each other and our experiences. 🙂

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    • Hi TR, thanks so much for sharing this. He’s pricked your spirit – i love that description. Yeah, i can definitely relate. there’s a lot of garbage in that show for sure. I had never watched it until like 2 weeks ago, and i wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and i guess it sucked me in. i need to take a page from your book and turn off. the show. 🙂 thanks for sharing your heart ! big hugs to you xox

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  34. Great post, thanks for sharing! Brings to mind 2 Timothy 3:2 which says, “People will be lovers of themselves…”.
    Also, I need to give up on Keeping up with the Kardashians as well :p

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  35. Idolatry: It begins with an I (self) and ends in a Y (why? like regret). Idolatry begins with the letters Id, because we put our identity in what we idolize. It ends in try because we try so hard to fulfil our needs with the idols and we cant.

    Ignoring Christ
    Doing what you want
    Overstepping boundaries
    Lusting after something
    Acting upon that desire
    Trying to hide it
    Regret
    You realize it wasn’t worth it.

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    • oh my gosh this was seriously the most powerful thing. holy cow. thank you for sharing this. what a sobering and eye opening way to look at these things we can place before God in our lives. so much truth here! wow! you dropped the mic Brittania! rock on! Hugs and love xox

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      • God put that concept in my head a few months ago and boy….it kinda gave me a new view on the concept of idolatry. I have a serious hard time with idolatry, (I think we all do) so I try to remind everyone including myself. 🙂 God bless!

      • i think you’re right – we all struggle in some way or another…be it sports or expensive cars or handbags, or an unhealthy obsession with climbing the corporate ladder — all different manifestations

  36. I like your hands. Ego is hard to master and even saying “I” insists that I am more important than you. Do I like your hands more than your soul? No. Though, they are nice hands. The ego. Affects us all and as a society is not a virus as much as an idea. Which, in some circles is a kind of virus. Would the companies make these products if we did not promote a false sense of self to others through social media? Probably not. Its hard to sell something if we are secure with, whatever we may look like in the mirror and to others. With this comes an imbalance where it is only those that have it together. Have that “it” factor that get on camera. The rest becomes the audience fighting for the bits of camera time leftover. Should it be this way? No. But, from birth we are judged unfairly and it is up to us to make better paths toward our shared outcomes. Celebrity. Needs to find some shame and get to church.

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    • Hi Kenzie! Thanks for this powerful perspective. you’re right – the entire consumer goods industry is built upon the created “need” for self improvement – more beauty, more physical fitness, more stylish, more trendy, etc. so much food for thought here. thank you. amen to that! hope your week is off to a great start! Hugs and love xox

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      • Hehehe. I have a funny story. My friend, got out of jail. He studied while there and wanted to be a farmer. I told him how hard it was and he wanted to do it. He was talking about organics and gluten free in 2004, in jail. He’s pretty successful now. I don’t know. If you’re still single and looking. haha. He saw the need while in jail, in Florida.

        I am worried about this needy industry replacing the need for actual connections. I’m fairly normal. Write fairly normal because I don’t know. My ego is in check. When they stopped selling my favorite running shoe I made my own. I run barefoot when I can but usually need some rubber under there.

        I mentioned the shoe and the farm because they are all different sides of a consumer. I may be too independent to be a consumer. Not to say that’s good, either. I wouldn’t blame this new industry on you millennials though. When, the GI’s came back from WWII everyone wanted “Japanese souvenirs.” Katana swords from dead Japanese officers and at one point there were more katanas in San Francisco than Japan. When Elvis drove a car that car increased value. When Michael Jackson wore the Thriller jacket everyone wanted one at the swap meet. It’s all social currency to a select group, military, Elvis fans, break dancers, pop culture. My social currency is zero. I like it. What comes from mastery of the newest trendy thing? Nothing. Therefore, I’m at the end in the Oasis of my own thoughts.

      • Yeah. Huaraches are pretty easy to make almost out of anything. I’ve done a six minute mile in them. I’ll make them at the homeless shelters if they run out of shoes.

      • It’s kind of a lost cause. There has always been poverty just like there will always be a new toy to buy. It gets to me at times the, broken cycle of everything.

      • When I stopped drinking. My divorce was finished. I felt, empty. I took up running. I was still traveling as a day laborer. So I’d work twelve or fourteen hours and then go run. Sometimes to the next town or off into the woods. I decided to see if running through bad neighborhoods would improve things. Even, just slightly. I’d run everyday so I got to see little bits at a time the fear, disappear. Like, when the leaves grow on plants people began walking. Kids played. There was not that darkness. I’d leave an area for a month and the darkness would come back.

        I dated a model for a few months in the meantime this was six years ago. She liked to do the things we see on Instagrams. Festivals. Constant drinking. Wine. Eating. Repeat.

        That’s when I noticed that I was different. I didn’t need anyone so I dumped her. I learned I could help in little ways. So, I’ve just being doing that. That emptiness disappears when I’m helping. Sure, it would be great if there’s more opportunity to fix neighborhoods but it won’t build community. Those bonds are important before any money creates opportunity. I just worry what I can do. Hand out clothes. Clean bathrooms. Wash clothes. Hang out. Make people happy.

      • What we achieve inwardly will change our outer reality. Plutarch said this. It feels relevant to how far you’ve come from, the ED. To be able to study the Kardashians and see that spin on, beauty. I think the hardest fight is to be in this world and be, yourself.

  37. This was a very funny post but very very sad truth. I’m also guilty of this and I’m trying to think of others too. I guess it’s really the me generation when it should be “we” generation. This is really beautiful article and yes I’ll say it again, so very funny

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  39. Thank u for being real in this post about everything! I really enjoyed reading this post! God bless and may he remove all worldly distractions in Jesus Name! Amen🙏😇👐

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  40. You want the truth here it is… People take selfies because they’re subconsciously thinking that they want to be important and by showing themselves on social media and other aspects but people can acknowledge them to be important figures but for people that take selfies they have various degrees of ego whether or not they realize it or not. Now in order to put this blog post to bed let’s look at three very important scriptures that I need you to read from the King James version Bible. The only wild one that ever made sense to me. First 2nd Timothy chapter chapter 3 verses 1 to 6. First John chapter 2 verse 5. Romans chapter 12 verses 1 to 2. That should tell you all you need to know about the present world we live in and that’s just the surface that’s just three scriptures. I don’t have time to take selfies. I have time for the Bible and I am time for God. People stop taking selfies and Redeeming the time because the days are short and full of evil. PS really just questioning whether or not you should watch the Kardashians. Let me ask you this when’s the last time you asked yourself what Jesus watch what I’m watching?. Here’s a pointer in the right direction. Kanye West created the Bible saying in the beginning Kanye created the heavens and the Earth meaning he has blasphemed. Those that I blasphemed are worthy of hell fire and brimstone. So I encourage you to stop watching the Kardashians. Thank you I say this because I love your soul more than your selfies.

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  41. I agree narcissism continues to be a problem. We need to find a balance between treating ourselves as a temple of God and sharing God’s love with others. I appreciate your willingness to struggle with your beliefs. I do this too. It can be hard work but so rewarding. I am thankful you are willing to share so much of you with us. Taking selfies has become extreme. Maybe if we took fewer selfies we would be more aware of whar is going on around us. Thanks and blessings. Roland

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  42. Some people think that their value depends on their looks. I was once a fool , watching reality show poisoned my mind… I want to surrender my life to GoD but It hard To live like a saint…. I love reading your blogs.

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    • Hi Nekkie! Thanks for this reflection. You’re right – surrendering, especially when it comes to free time – is a tough thing to do. Definitely still trying to figure it out! Hugs and love xox

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  43. Thanks for this BBB I’m glad I read this this morning. I’ve just walked through a struggle with the very same thing- not selfies, just self! It’s common in my life. I say the 3rd Step Prayer every morning “God I offer myself to thee…” That has to mean everything, all things. Then on days when things go wrong and I wonder why I’m hurting I reflect on the fact that somehow the day became ‘all about me’ and maybe God took the prayer a little more serious than I did 🙂

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  45. Yes – so true. There is nothing better than the personal connection with others. Sharing, caring, loving… ourselves and others.. x

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  46. Thank you for this on a windy night wrought with insomnia for the 3rd? night straight. After staring blankly at the wall and cuddling my pooch I finally gave up and decided to pop on and perhaps write a post to hopefully clear my brain which led me to read this.

    I’m not exactly sure why but this inspired me to make a plan to fire up the kindle and re-read “Illusions” by Richard Bach if I still cannot sleep after my post. It’s a fairly short book (as are most of Bach’s works) about a Messiah who decides that he does not want to be a Messiah. Through my “ism” I have self destructed in a brilliant way, at this moment I am fairly content with no longer living “Just Me”. A very interesting thought to mill about in the cluttered cupboard of a brain I have this week.

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    • Hi Joe! Oh no! I’m sorry you’re having trouble sleeping! I’ll have to look that book up. Thanks for the recco. Hope tomorrow night is a better nights sleep for you! Hugs and love xox

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  47. Hey you 🙂
    Great post and ya i see what u are talking about with how narcissistic we are as a society.
    But have you ever stopped to think about how worship of self IS worship of God?
    Even atheists worship God although they dont realize it.
    God is not some MAN in the sky just out of reach. Jesus revealed that God is just fine being represented and even IDENTIFIED with humanity.
    The parable of the sheep and goats in Matt 25 is actually all about how God is found “in the least of these.”
    Paul told the ACTUAL Idol worshipping community of Athens Paul doesnt condemn their worship of idols he actually uses one of them to preach the gospel, not to mention he says some very shocking things, besides what i just quoted, that we never hear preached, such as that “God is not far from any one of us” and “in him we live and move and have our being” and the clencher “God is NOT served by human hands as if he needed anything.”
    Paul even quotes pagan poems in this passage about Zeus to get his point across.
    So the version of God we get preached to us at church would throw a fit if Paul was preaching this stufd today.
    But God has no ego because his Spirit is Love and ONLY Love.
    Sorry to preach lol but i hate to see someone so caring fall into the trap of “law” that God never commanded (see Jeremiah 7).
    God is in fact alive and well in humanity. Any time u see someone hold a door or laugh from their belly or care for their kids… this is God screaming to us that He ia alive.
    And that He is perfectly at home in us 🙂
    So selfie it up girl because God is praised even in this.

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  48. I think you raise some interesting points, however I thought I would offer some different perspectives. Selfies are not always an indication of narcissism, they can be a record for yourself and others of what you were doing and how you felt/looked at a specific point in time. Selfies have always been a thing, Frieda Kahlo was a very well respected artist and feminist icon and she painted almost exclusively self portraits.
    I noticed when my mum died that I have very few photos of her. the simple act of taking and keeping a selfie at different events can provide a record of a person and their life, which is not a bad thing.
    As for taking time for self rather than being “tied down” by another person, is is possible that taking time to become comfortable and confident with yourself before entering into a relationship is a way to make that relationship stronger. It is noticeable, not that you implied this, but in general, that it is women who are doing this, putting off marriage and motherhood until later to become more confident women. As far as I am concerned this is a good thing for society. A society built on strong confident people with women not forced by societies rules to marry early and focus only on others can only be a stronger one.
    it is also possible to focus on yourself and others. Just because a person is getting themselves sorted out and having experiences alone doesn’t mean that they are not, as part of that, giving back to others in other ways. I have 792 selfies stored on my phone, they aren’t exclusively me, they often contain friends too, and allow me to record and remember my presence at events (and progress at the gym…).

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    • Thanks so much for this thoughtful response. I love this perspective. You’re so right – selfies in themselves aren’t bad – they can be fun, silly, a record of travels etc. no shame in that game at all! It’s just when it become your identity – the be all end all – your source of worth … that’s when it becomes treacherous territory. I’m sorry to hear about your mom. My prayers are with her and your family. And you’re right – there are so many ways to give. Thanks for this! Hugs and love xox

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  49. I think it depends on you’re personality? If you are by nature very narcissistic then taking a billion selfies is just a reflection of something already there…but I see nothing wrong with selfies.

    I’m old enough to remember a time before phones when people used these things called “mirrors” 😂 I know people who can spend hours in front of those things!

    But selfies can be positive in getting to understand angles, lighting and colour. Of course there are always going to be those that take it too far, but nothing wrong with occasional self/selfie love. 😊

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    • That’s a really great point. Yeah there’s nothing wrong with selfies – it’s just when selfies become the be all end all and your source of worth. That’s all 🙂 they can be fun and silly and a great way to document vacations too! Hugs and love xox

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  50. I stopped taking selfies and deleted my Instagram…I don’t need validation from man I get it from Jesus, who happens to love me and not want perverted men on the Internet looking at me and he also doesn’t want me showing little girls their self worth is tied to what they look like. It’s time we stand up to that old outdated box we have been living in. The Kardashian’s culture is sickening.

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  51. Great post!. I agree with everything you said. I think that because of this narcissistic way of behavior that is being presented to us as normal, as desirable, as acceptable, relationships between men and women in the future will suffer the most. To be in a relationship means to be WE not ME, and if that ME is not overcome, men and women will not be able to connect. To be with someone means to commit, to put them before yourself. To find a modus which will work for both partners. I am afraid people have become so self indulged that the WE does not exist any more. The same goes for friendships. It has become all about what I want. Life does not work that way. In the end you just wind up alone and frustrated. No career, no travels, or free time can compensate the loss of a long time relationship. Finding someone to share your life with is the ultimate goal, everything else passes with time, except the need to be loved .

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  52. For you who have the function on your phone’s camera to “turn it around” here’s your homework for today: Instead of taking a selfie – push the “turn around”, take a picture of what is in front of you, and pray for the people in your shot (or the people that could be in your shot).
    After a day of doing this, look back at your pictures to see where you’ve been and how that might have impacted your life today!

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  55. How did become so, so wise at such a young age??? Thanks for a post all the selfie-obsessed folks need to think about, but they probably won’t have time because they’re….taking a selfie.

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  57. Yes, yes! There’s also the narcissism of showing off your children incessantly. I am a mother. I have kids. I show them off on occasion but the me generation that has kids just transfers their narcissism to their parenting self. It’s nauseating. I am always tempted to write a blog about it but don’t know how to do it in a nice way. 😊

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  58. This “I’d like to amend that to simply the “Me Generation.” Because by saying “Me first,” it implies that the person is even considering the other person that is going second. I think we’ve surpassed that and now it’s just me.” was well extremely well said.

    I hate advertising. Yes, I know it’s what pays for content online, and what not; but the commercials are why I quit listening to the radio. We canceled our Drug Commercial Delivery Service (cable), and haven’t missed anything. I block as many ads as I can online; I quit reading articles on Forbes (for example) because of their heavy-handed anti-ad-blocker approach. I am willing to white list sites when their advertising isn’t in the way, and doesn’t auto-play some nonsense.

    I think the line you’re toeing here is the one between taking care of yourself and worshiping yourself. The selfie culture is the latter; and I honestly believe your intent is the former. When people learn to take care of themselves, the self-worship goes down: if you’re fine with who you are, then you don’t constantly need validation.

    I’d guess the fact that you’re aware enough of yourself and your online presence to worry about it means you’re probably not what you’re criticizing… but only you can be sure 🙂

    Trixie, from Don’t Trust the Rabbit, made an absolutely hysterical video about selfies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6eaH-FcECc

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  63. It’s worth noting that the most powerful person in history is memorialized hanging in shame on the crude instrument of his destruction.

    And he’s adored for it.

    It’s not about how you see yourself. It’s about how others see you.

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  66. I always enjoy reading your blog, because you relate the goings on of your life to something more than just you (…just in case you were wondering).

    I have always felt, that as long as your actions are not immoral (side note: I almost feel guilty writing this, since I don’t live up to a Christian standard of morality), illegal, and going to hurt someone else, then God is probably not as worried about you doing the wrong thing as you are. I think there are certain things in which you MUST think about yourself – like sustenance. But there is an element of disgusting self-worship that pervades our society and it feels like it’s getting worse.

    Your entire post reminds me of a book I read a few years ago titled “Generation Me” by Jeanne Twinge (I could be wrong about the author’s name…) and when we are so focused on ourselves, it is no wonder our society’s mental health is the worst it has ever been. We don’t assist others, we assist ourselves, thus closing ourselves off to so many different possible relationships… It’s a sad state of affairs. Recently, I alluded to this in one of my own postings in that I feel like I need a cause or purpose in life, because I have focused on myself for so long that I don’t feel fulfilled anymore.

    You might feel like you blog is focused on you, but it displays a much stronger message outside of you than you might realize…
    …I hope you continue.

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    • thanks so much for your thoughtful reflection and kind words. you’re right- selfies in themselves aren’t harmful…it’s the self worship that is. sounds like a powerful book! thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  68. I don’t really do selfies, but that doesn’t matter. I have to remind myself to NOT constantly look at my phone, especially while spending time with loved ones.

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  70. Really enjoyed this post. So great at connecting the issues of the every day to the issues that should matter in the every day. Keep on keeping on!

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  72. This. Is. SO. True. Also, thank you for the confession- I too watch KUWTK as a guilty pleasure, and am always amazed at the self-indulgence (but like a train wreck, I can’t look away). You are not alone!

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  73. This post is the reason I read your words week-in and week-out. You have a perception of self and generation so much deeper than your peers. I struggle with 90% of Facebook content because it glorifies “self”. I struggle with Millennials because their approach to life among others feels entirely selfish (a claim they would vehemently deny). I find it pompous to change the rules of a life well-lived by delaying commitments to others (i.e. marriage) and calling oneself Christian while prioritizing self. Caralyn, your words give me hope for those who inherit this country. I only hope they realize – as you have at a young age – that selflessness and humility are the keys; not self. Thank you for a blunt yet thought-provoking post.

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    • Oh my gosh Dave, thank you for this. I am seriously so touched by your generous words. Yeah, I definitely feel you there – it is denied for sure. Thanks for stopping by and for making me smile! Hugs and love xox

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  74. “But here’s the sad thing…the more I can spot it in others, the more aware I am of it in myself, too.”

    I know what you mean. I tend to be annoyed most by the sinful traits in others of which I am also guilty.

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  76. Just gotta hug u right off the bat here!!
    Some years ago (the 1980s) there was a stand-up comedy special on “the old HBO” ie. before there were 3 or 4 different HBOs, and this one guy gets up and talks about how years ago , the main magazine was “Life” then came along “People”. So here we are now and the top magazine should be “ME” – 52 pages of Reynolds Wrap (for seeing your own reflection in). Little did that comedian know then that in another 30 years would be the selfie, and to add to it all, THE SELFIE STICK!! I am sure in your NYC Selfie watching, you see plenty of those LOL!! It is amazing the kinds of pictures phones can take now. Its sad to say that their capabilities are actually better than digital cameras. But it seems as more and more time passes on, the object of going anywhere, doing anything, seeing anyone, is to do it with that phone and “TAKE THE PERFECT SELFIE”. People don’t care WHAT they’re seeing anymore as long as they can take a selfie with/at/in front of it. NYC with all its architecture, or even natural wonders. A couple years ago we were at Watkins Glen State Park, which has a wonderful set of gorge trails through natural rock with falls, tunnels, so much natural beauty. All along the path, THE SELFIE STICKS WERE OUT!! It was a pain to get by these people!! You are so NOT The Kardashians!! Your beauty is natural, real, and totally inspiring. Nothing air brushed, over made up, or rehearsed. Love You!! xoxoxoxo

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  78. Xo spot on. It’s a dangerous engagement to be self absorbed. You forget the ones that really matter and it’s not the one staring back in the phone screen. Very good insight for being so young.

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  80. As I have often said Carolyn, we have become a disposable society full of people who only care about one person, them self. As long as people continue on this path towards total narcissism, our society will continue to falter. May God continue to lead you and keep your beautiful self true. RI

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  82. My selfie game is so terrible! When I see great selfies it makes me wonder how many shots did it take that person to get it right.😄 It takes me about 15. I usually give up.

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  83. Well said. The narcissistic world we live in just continues to get worse. Is it bad I haven’t had tv in almost 3 years?? Don’t get me wrong I will go watch a game somewhere but that’s it. I feel so much better without it. Love your Kardashian confession, perhaps that’s why I got rid of it 😂

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  84. Good Morning Caralyn. Seeing the number of selfies some people post is sad. I often wonder if there is little thought of self worth, so that is a way of gaining attention. What I really cannot understand though, is why some people post pictures of their food continually, either at home or when eating out. I would rather eat the food hot, than take pictures of it.
    Hope you are continuing to enjoy time with your folks. If you are still there, give them another hug for me please, and thank them for many, many, many of us for raising such a beautiful, thoughtful, caring, loving, helpful daughter.
    Luv, ❤️🌹😀

    George

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    • Thanks for this George. Hahah that’s funny about the food. Yeah I feel ya there! I just got back to nyc – it was a great visit with them. And I’ll be going back next week for a modeling job, so I’m excited to get to see them again!! Gosh you are too kind. Thanks again friend. Sending big big hugs xox

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  87. Thank you for sharing your post and your thoughts on how it feels nowadays when people are attuned to taking a lot of selfies. 🙂 I… can take a few pictures of myself, but I still feel weird about trying to adjust myself into that “selfie” lifestyle. Is it bad that I feel that way about myself? I don’t know. One thing I can say is that whatever celebrities say or do on a reality show, fans immediately try to replicate and do that, calling them their “God(s)”.

    I agree with you about how you mentioned we need to… “Repay to God what belongs to God.” If it was not for Him, there’s no telling where we would be without Him… if we would even be given life years ago. 🙂

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    • Thanks so much 🙂 I don’t think it’s bad at all! And there really is nothing wrong with a harmless selfie, it’s just when it becomes your be all end all and source of self worth when it becomes a problem. Thanks 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  88. I confess I love the madness that is Kardahsian! Even worse than the selfie (I think) is that the new Gen5 phones need more cell towers to perform properly. This means that in order to take, and store those selfies, we will be exposing more people to more high frequencies and radiation. For what? For self gratification. We don’t need this technology. It’s not making people smarter, more compassionate, etc. It’s just about selfies and social media. We are killing each other for attention. SMH.

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  90. Great post! 100% agree with you and your words are a really great reminder! I am working on getting my new blog out there now and I often worry about it being too much about me…..but my purpose for even starting it was to serve and help others (by talking about my struggles), so I need to focus on that! Also, yes get rid of the Kardashians on your Netflix lol!

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  91. Thanks for sharing this Caralyn. We do need to try and think of the other person instead of it always being “me, me, me.” I admit, there have been time when I was like that but in the past several years after taking care of my father, I’ve learned that putting another person’s needs before yours is quite uplifting. The priceless feeling you get from doing so does wonders for your psyche.

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  93. Hello, very interesting blog, voice activated cameras, how cool is that! Keep on taking selfies, your blogs are great. May Jesus keep blessing you as he does me in my new Mormon faith. May your prayers be answered by Jesus as you seek the truth in life! And may any eating problems be eased to the point of extinction. God bless. Jesus Loves You!

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  96. A great post. I think you understand clearly how the Lord is using you, your blog, and your career in a special way to accomplish His purposes…. but a phone that celebrates voice recongnition of selfies??? What has the world come to? 😮 (This is why I stopped watching TV/commercials long ago).

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  98. It was raining one morning and I walked into work. Everyone was saying how great I looked – what had I done to myself. I put my glasses back on and said that I get to see myself like that every morning in the bathroom mirror.

    That is a true story, it seemed an amusing time to share it.

    I don’t have many photos of myself. I am not a selfie kind of person.

    For me, photos are about remembering the moment. I am never the most important part of the moment which is why the people who are with me at the time appear in my photos.

    I would hate to be my own mental highlight.

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  100. That is an excellent camera. Selfie is old news; I can’t believe a company like Google are using that in an ad campaign. Also, stop watch keeping up with nothing. That show will distort your view of the world.

    The more time you spend away from your phone, the better, try it for a week and watch you’re productive go through the roof. You have nearly 40, 0000 follows you can make a difference with that power, but you need to refine the message you are giving to the world. Kim ain’t going to inspire anyone.

    It so sad that young people look up to these Z celebrities, off course they are almost looked at as A but they add nothing to the world and worst still, they promote to the younger generation that you can do nothing and be rich and famous.

    Thought provoking post yet again.

    You have inspired me to do my own dotcom blog, have a couple of questions where the best place to contact you?

    :O)

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      • My comment has been playing on my mind, and I would like to say sorry. Im far from perfect and one of my biggest faults is being too judgemental. Yes, like us all I see the world the way I think it would be best but my view is meaningless.

        God created what can look like chaos, but there needs to be chaos to be beauty, there needs to be war, to be peace. Who am I to say what is right or wrong.

        You do fantastic work and have probably saved 1000s of lives, connecting with people that really needed your words to carry on. What I respect most of all about you is the fact that you are honest and present your true self to the world. That is a gift. For that, the world gives you love. I wish you all the best. 🙂

  103. You had me worried for a second when I saw “Bengals/Steelers”. THANK YOU for not rooting for the Steelers! I’m originally from northern Ohio, so being raised with the Browns, I couldn’t cheer the Steelers on under extreme duress and always wonder about those that do (and I so enjoy your writing!). I’m fine with the Bengals because Paul Brown was the man and everyone looks great in orange! And besides, we can always be on the same sideline in Columbus (Go Buckeyes!), right?

    Besides all that – another great post!!

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  105. Our parish priest, Fr. Larry Richards, taught us the true definition of JOY is J=Jesus, O=Others, Y=Yourself. By putting yourself 3rd you WILL HAVE true joy in your life. He encourages us to place this saying on our bathroom mirrors, so that every time we see our reflections we are reminded how very ‘least’ we should be. (I’d thought of attaching a selfie of our bathroom mirrors to share with you…but that seemed contrary to your lovely post. Giggles!) Blessings to you!

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  106. Hello BBB,

    This topic is very pervasive. It makes me stop and think about my actions and if my motives are right. Thank the Lord that we can keep giving upour selfish rights to Him instead on a daily basis. Keep fighting the good fight,

    Gary

    On Mon, Oct 23, 2017 at 4:03 PM BeautyBeyondBones wrote:

    > beautybeyondbones posted: “So you know how Google is coming out with a new > phone, and how they’re advertising it all over TV? (And no this isn’t an > ad…) But their main selling point is twofold: First, that there’s > unlimited photo storage, and secondly, that it can take a “selfi” >

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  107. BAHAHAHA!! Sorry I have to laugh, my wife also watches the Khardasians, and since I am usually in their with her I have seen MORE than my fair share of episodes (Not to mention every episode of Sex in the City as well as Gilmore Girls over the years….

    But, as with anything, the selfie is a tool that serves a purpose, but can SO easily be over used. As a solo bike rider, I occasionally want to be in the picture as well. If no one is there a selfie! My wife and I on a beach or in the mountains alone want a photo together. (Shoot we did it back in the days of film cameras) In limited use selfies are good.

    That being said, I would not by the camera in the commercial because every time it comes on I get annoyed!

    great post!

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    • Hey again Tony!! You’re on a reading roll! thank you!! haha oh yeah — Gilmore Girls…every single episode. Some twice. Never Sex and the City — never got into that. I feel like most girls (and some fellas) my age live and breathe that show though! haha Yeah I agree – there’s a time and a place for a selfie…it’s just when it becomes an unhealthy obsession that it is a problem. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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