Take A Selfie? #narcissism

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So you know how Google is coming out with a new phone, and how they’re advertising it all over TV?

(And no this isn’t an ad…)

But their main selling point is twofold: First, that there’s unlimited photo storage, and secondly, that it can take a “selfie”  through voice recognition, simply by saying, “Take a selfie.”

And all day yesterday, during the Bengals/Steelers game, this freaking commercial kept coming on, with that teenage girl floating on a big flamingo inner tube in the water going “Take a selfie! Take a selfie! Take a selfie!” with the varying duck faces and pouts to follow.

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And as I felt myself getting more and more annoyed at that stupid ad, I thought to myself, “Is that what we’ve come to?” — That the main selling point for this huge phone – that is trying to rival Apple – is that it can take a selfie through voice recognition?!

Are you kidding me?

This. This is what we’ve come to, people.

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I’ve got a dirty little confession here folks: I’ve been watching a lot of Keeping Up with the Kardashians here lately. And every time, I’m always just struck with the nauseating level of narcissism going on in that family. I should probably stop watching it actually, for fear that it is going to rub off on me…

But the more and more I’m becoming aware of the toxic level of self-absorption that is seeping into our culture, the more I can see it in everyday life.

One of my favorite “games” to play as I’m walking around NYC is “spot the selfie”…and let’s just say, it can get pretty entertaining.

But here’s the sad thing…the more I can spot it in others, the more aware I am of it in myself, too.

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I got to go to my favorite church yesterday, since I’m home for a hot second in Ohio. And the sermon was all about the very first commandment….Not having any other gods before God. 

I think when people – myself included – think about that, they think about the obvious idols we have in our lives: money, power, success, food, cars etc. Those we can grasp pretty easily.

But what about the idol that is literally staring back at us in the mirror.

What about the idol of self?

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Now let me pause here for just a minute to address the elephant in the room. The irony is not lost on me that here I am literally talking about narcissism, on a blog that is about myself.

Hello, pot. Meet kettle.

But the idol of self very well may be the most pervasive of all competing “gods” in our lives. And in today’s social media obsessed society, where reality TV has become the norm, and a comfortable, self-focused way of living is habitual…we’re becoming the monsters that we’ve helped create.

Growing up, I always heard about how this was the “Me First Generation.” I’d like to amend that to simply the “Me Generation.” Because by saying “Me first,” it implies that the person is even considering the other person that is going second. I think we’ve surpassed that and now it’s just me.

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And you can see this in everything from our advertisements – Google celebrating the selfie function of its phone, and with unlimited storage so you can hoard every precious selfie. — To how we live our lives.

The age at which people get married and have kids has dramatically shifted to later in life. Why? So that people can focus on themselves, and their career, and their travels, and free time, not wanting to be tied down or imposed upon by *gasp* another person.

And that’s not a judgment, hello – I’m in that boat, too. But it’s all just very…singular focused.

And it is a really tough aspect of life to navigate and try to escape. And I’m going to be really honest, it is something that I definitely struggle with: that idol of self.

And so listening to the homily, it really convicted me and made me reflect on…myself.

“Then repay …to God what belongs to God.” (Matt 22:21)

Everything I have — I — belong to God, and therefore, I need to be giving my life to Him. To His service. To helping His children.

That is how God wants us to live. Repay to God what belongs to God.

I think I can get too caught up in the scheduling and nit-pickiness of blogging to forget that that was and is the BBB mission: helping others overcome adversity – especially those struggling with eating disorders. That’s why I wrote my book. And that’s why I continue to write this blog.

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The (often over-)sharing of myself and my life and ideas – it all has to point back to that mission: helping God’s children, one beautiful soul at a time.

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As far as the other sources of conceitedness in my life, I think awareness is key. Every time I want to think about myself, I need to pause and turn it around…how does this effect someone else? 

How can I use my time or my resources for the betterment of someone other than myself?

How can I give? How can I listen? How can I serve?

I know Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I can take baby steps.

That, and banning the Kardashians from my Netflix queue.

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321 thoughts on “Take A Selfie? #narcissism”

  1. Great post!. I agree with everything you said. I think that because of this narcissistic way of behavior that is being presented to us as normal, as desirable, as acceptable, relationships between men and women in the future will suffer the most. To be in a relationship means to be WE not ME, and if that ME is not overcome, men and women will not be able to connect. To be with someone means to commit, to put them before yourself. To find a modus which will work for both partners. I am afraid people have become so self indulged that the WE does not exist any more. The same goes for friendships. It has become all about what I want. Life does not work that way. In the end you just wind up alone and frustrated. No career, no travels, or free time can compensate the loss of a long time relationship. Finding someone to share your life with is the ultimate goal, everything else passes with time, except the need to be loved .

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  2. For you who have the function on your phone’s camera to “turn it around” here’s your homework for today: Instead of taking a selfie – push the “turn around”, take a picture of what is in front of you, and pray for the people in your shot (or the people that could be in your shot).
    After a day of doing this, look back at your pictures to see where you’ve been and how that might have impacted your life today!

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  5. How did become so, so wise at such a young age??? Thanks for a post all the selfie-obsessed folks need to think about, but they probably won’t have time because they’re….taking a selfie.

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  7. Yes, yes! There’s also the narcissism of showing off your children incessantly. I am a mother. I have kids. I show them off on occasion but the me generation that has kids just transfers their narcissism to their parenting self. It’s nauseating. I am always tempted to write a blog about it but don’t know how to do it in a nice way. 😊

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  8. This “I’d like to amend that to simply the “Me Generation.” Because by saying “Me first,” it implies that the person is even considering the other person that is going second. I think we’ve surpassed that and now it’s just me.” was well extremely well said.

    I hate advertising. Yes, I know it’s what pays for content online, and what not; but the commercials are why I quit listening to the radio. We canceled our Drug Commercial Delivery Service (cable), and haven’t missed anything. I block as many ads as I can online; I quit reading articles on Forbes (for example) because of their heavy-handed anti-ad-blocker approach. I am willing to white list sites when their advertising isn’t in the way, and doesn’t auto-play some nonsense.

    I think the line you’re toeing here is the one between taking care of yourself and worshiping yourself. The selfie culture is the latter; and I honestly believe your intent is the former. When people learn to take care of themselves, the self-worship goes down: if you’re fine with who you are, then you don’t constantly need validation.

    I’d guess the fact that you’re aware enough of yourself and your online presence to worry about it means you’re probably not what you’re criticizing… but only you can be sure 🙂

    Trixie, from Don’t Trust the Rabbit, made an absolutely hysterical video about selfies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6eaH-FcECc

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  13. It’s worth noting that the most powerful person in history is memorialized hanging in shame on the crude instrument of his destruction.

    And he’s adored for it.

    It’s not about how you see yourself. It’s about how others see you.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Caralyn, Another good post…but the selfie with the Bengals hat? I fired them three seasons ago…LOL Have a blessed week! Jim

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  16. I always enjoy reading your blog, because you relate the goings on of your life to something more than just you (…just in case you were wondering).

    I have always felt, that as long as your actions are not immoral (side note: I almost feel guilty writing this, since I don’t live up to a Christian standard of morality), illegal, and going to hurt someone else, then God is probably not as worried about you doing the wrong thing as you are. I think there are certain things in which you MUST think about yourself – like sustenance. But there is an element of disgusting self-worship that pervades our society and it feels like it’s getting worse.

    Your entire post reminds me of a book I read a few years ago titled “Generation Me” by Jeanne Twinge (I could be wrong about the author’s name…) and when we are so focused on ourselves, it is no wonder our society’s mental health is the worst it has ever been. We don’t assist others, we assist ourselves, thus closing ourselves off to so many different possible relationships… It’s a sad state of affairs. Recently, I alluded to this in one of my own postings in that I feel like I need a cause or purpose in life, because I have focused on myself for so long that I don’t feel fulfilled anymore.

    You might feel like you blog is focused on you, but it displays a much stronger message outside of you than you might realize…
    …I hope you continue.

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    1. thanks so much for your thoughtful reflection and kind words. you’re right- selfies in themselves aren’t harmful…it’s the self worship that is. sounds like a powerful book! thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  20. Really enjoyed this post. So great at connecting the issues of the every day to the issues that should matter in the every day. Keep on keeping on!

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  22. This. Is. SO. True. Also, thank you for the confession- I too watch KUWTK as a guilty pleasure, and am always amazed at the self-indulgence (but like a train wreck, I can’t look away). You are not alone!

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  23. This post is the reason I read your words week-in and week-out. You have a perception of self and generation so much deeper than your peers. I struggle with 90% of Facebook content because it glorifies “self”. I struggle with Millennials because their approach to life among others feels entirely selfish (a claim they would vehemently deny). I find it pompous to change the rules of a life well-lived by delaying commitments to others (i.e. marriage) and calling oneself Christian while prioritizing self. Caralyn, your words give me hope for those who inherit this country. I only hope they realize – as you have at a young age – that selflessness and humility are the keys; not self. Thank you for a blunt yet thought-provoking post.

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    1. Oh my gosh Dave, thank you for this. I am seriously so touched by your generous words. Yeah, I definitely feel you there – it is denied for sure. Thanks for stopping by and for making me smile! Hugs and love xox

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  24. “But here’s the sad thing…the more I can spot it in others, the more aware I am of it in myself, too.”

    I know what you mean. I tend to be annoyed most by the sinful traits in others of which I am also guilty.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Just gotta hug u right off the bat here!!
    Some years ago (the 1980s) there was a stand-up comedy special on “the old HBO” ie. before there were 3 or 4 different HBOs, and this one guy gets up and talks about how years ago , the main magazine was “Life” then came along “People”. So here we are now and the top magazine should be “ME” – 52 pages of Reynolds Wrap (for seeing your own reflection in). Little did that comedian know then that in another 30 years would be the selfie, and to add to it all, THE SELFIE STICK!! I am sure in your NYC Selfie watching, you see plenty of those LOL!! It is amazing the kinds of pictures phones can take now. Its sad to say that their capabilities are actually better than digital cameras. But it seems as more and more time passes on, the object of going anywhere, doing anything, seeing anyone, is to do it with that phone and “TAKE THE PERFECT SELFIE”. People don’t care WHAT they’re seeing anymore as long as they can take a selfie with/at/in front of it. NYC with all its architecture, or even natural wonders. A couple years ago we were at Watkins Glen State Park, which has a wonderful set of gorge trails through natural rock with falls, tunnels, so much natural beauty. All along the path, THE SELFIE STICKS WERE OUT!! It was a pain to get by these people!! You are so NOT The Kardashians!! Your beauty is natural, real, and totally inspiring. Nothing air brushed, over made up, or rehearsed. Love You!! xoxoxoxo

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      7. Its Halloween. As well as wishing you a Happy Halloween, I am sending you special love tonight, thinking of you, even if you aren’t in NYC tonight. Love, hugs and prayers (for all of NYC too) always xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  28. Xo spot on. It’s a dangerous engagement to be self absorbed. You forget the ones that really matter and it’s not the one staring back in the phone screen. Very good insight for being so young.

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  30. As I have often said Carolyn, we have become a disposable society full of people who only care about one person, them self. As long as people continue on this path towards total narcissism, our society will continue to falter. May God continue to lead you and keep your beautiful self true. RI

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  32. My selfie game is so terrible! When I see great selfies it makes me wonder how many shots did it take that person to get it right.😄 It takes me about 15. I usually give up.

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  33. Well said. The narcissistic world we live in just continues to get worse. Is it bad I haven’t had tv in almost 3 years?? Don’t get me wrong I will go watch a game somewhere but that’s it. I feel so much better without it. Love your Kardashian confession, perhaps that’s why I got rid of it 😂

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  34. Good Morning Caralyn. Seeing the number of selfies some people post is sad. I often wonder if there is little thought of self worth, so that is a way of gaining attention. What I really cannot understand though, is why some people post pictures of their food continually, either at home or when eating out. I would rather eat the food hot, than take pictures of it.
    Hope you are continuing to enjoy time with your folks. If you are still there, give them another hug for me please, and thank them for many, many, many of us for raising such a beautiful, thoughtful, caring, loving, helpful daughter.
    Luv, ❤️🌹😀

    George

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    1. Thanks for this George. Hahah that’s funny about the food. Yeah I feel ya there! I just got back to nyc – it was a great visit with them. And I’ll be going back next week for a modeling job, so I’m excited to get to see them again!! Gosh you are too kind. Thanks again friend. Sending big big hugs xox

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  37. Thank you for sharing your post and your thoughts on how it feels nowadays when people are attuned to taking a lot of selfies. 🙂 I… can take a few pictures of myself, but I still feel weird about trying to adjust myself into that “selfie” lifestyle. Is it bad that I feel that way about myself? I don’t know. One thing I can say is that whatever celebrities say or do on a reality show, fans immediately try to replicate and do that, calling them their “God(s)”.

    I agree with you about how you mentioned we need to… “Repay to God what belongs to God.” If it was not for Him, there’s no telling where we would be without Him… if we would even be given life years ago. 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much 🙂 I don’t think it’s bad at all! And there really is nothing wrong with a harmless selfie, it’s just when it becomes your be all end all and source of self worth when it becomes a problem. Thanks 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  38. I confess I love the madness that is Kardahsian! Even worse than the selfie (I think) is that the new Gen5 phones need more cell towers to perform properly. This means that in order to take, and store those selfies, we will be exposing more people to more high frequencies and radiation. For what? For self gratification. We don’t need this technology. It’s not making people smarter, more compassionate, etc. It’s just about selfies and social media. We are killing each other for attention. SMH.

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  40. Great post! 100% agree with you and your words are a really great reminder! I am working on getting my new blog out there now and I often worry about it being too much about me…..but my purpose for even starting it was to serve and help others (by talking about my struggles), so I need to focus on that! Also, yes get rid of the Kardashians on your Netflix lol!

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  41. Thanks for sharing this Caralyn. We do need to try and think of the other person instead of it always being “me, me, me.” I admit, there have been time when I was like that but in the past several years after taking care of my father, I’ve learned that putting another person’s needs before yours is quite uplifting. The priceless feeling you get from doing so does wonders for your psyche.

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  43. Hello, very interesting blog, voice activated cameras, how cool is that! Keep on taking selfies, your blogs are great. May Jesus keep blessing you as he does me in my new Mormon faith. May your prayers be answered by Jesus as you seek the truth in life! And may any eating problems be eased to the point of extinction. God bless. Jesus Loves You!

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  46. A great post. I think you understand clearly how the Lord is using you, your blog, and your career in a special way to accomplish His purposes…. but a phone that celebrates voice recongnition of selfies??? What has the world come to? 😮 (This is why I stopped watching TV/commercials long ago).

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  48. It was raining one morning and I walked into work. Everyone was saying how great I looked – what had I done to myself. I put my glasses back on and said that I get to see myself like that every morning in the bathroom mirror.

    That is a true story, it seemed an amusing time to share it.

    I don’t have many photos of myself. I am not a selfie kind of person.

    For me, photos are about remembering the moment. I am never the most important part of the moment which is why the people who are with me at the time appear in my photos.

    I would hate to be my own mental highlight.

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  50. That is an excellent camera. Selfie is old news; I can’t believe a company like Google are using that in an ad campaign. Also, stop watch keeping up with nothing. That show will distort your view of the world.

    The more time you spend away from your phone, the better, try it for a week and watch you’re productive go through the roof. You have nearly 40, 0000 follows you can make a difference with that power, but you need to refine the message you are giving to the world. Kim ain’t going to inspire anyone.

    It so sad that young people look up to these Z celebrities, off course they are almost looked at as A but they add nothing to the world and worst still, they promote to the younger generation that you can do nothing and be rich and famous.

    Thought provoking post yet again.

    You have inspired me to do my own dotcom blog, have a couple of questions where the best place to contact you?

    :O)

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      1. My comment has been playing on my mind, and I would like to say sorry. Im far from perfect and one of my biggest faults is being too judgemental. Yes, like us all I see the world the way I think it would be best but my view is meaningless.

        God created what can look like chaos, but there needs to be chaos to be beauty, there needs to be war, to be peace. Who am I to say what is right or wrong.

        You do fantastic work and have probably saved 1000s of lives, connecting with people that really needed your words to carry on. What I respect most of all about you is the fact that you are honest and present your true self to the world. That is a gift. For that, the world gives you love. I wish you all the best. 🙂

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