Dating Etiquette for the Social Media OBSESSED

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Romance is a dying art.

Truly. In the age of smart phones, Snapchat and communicating through emojis, dating is, frankly, limping along like a squirrel run over by a semi.

Too much?

Perhaps.

But in this era of 140 character expression, chivalry has taken a hit.

Which poses the question, what are we to expect from young men in the dating pool?

You see, I recently started dating.

Okay, let me rephrase – I started going on dates this winter.

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After receiving a literal miracle of finally having my hormones restart after a decade in recovery from a severe case of anorexia in high school, let’s just say, I’m not wasting any time in the man-friend department.

And I think I’ve finally discovered the truth behind the old adage, you’ve gotta date to find out what you don’t want in a partner. 

Sheesh.

Leave it to NYC to show you the absolute highs and the absolute lows in life. And in this case, the dating scene.

This post is coming after an episode of being absolutely miffed. Like, just picture me, pacing, scratching my head, annoyed, slightly angry, feeling like…what in the world just happened?!

Human decency, people. Human decency.

I never in a million years thought that this would have to be said…I mean…common sense, right?

But alas, here is how to treat a lady…

DATING ETIQUETTE FOR THE SOCIAL MEDIA OBSESSED

  1. I don’t know, maybe don’t make firm “TBD” plans with someone a week in advance, and then not give specific details until 25 minutes before she’s supposed to arrive.
  2. Chivalry isn’t dead: offer to pick her up. Or at the very least…call her an Uber…don’t make her call her own. Especially not in the rain…
  3. Here’s a shocker: maybe tell her she looks nice. Every other guy in the bar is noticing, perhaps you could just acknowledge that she put some effort to look nice.
  4. PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY! For crying out loud, go without your phone for an hour and a half. It’s not fun to feel as though you’re a distant second to a person’s technology.
  5. Same with a sports game. Unless you’re at a sporting event or a sports bar with the purpose of watching the game, peel your eyes off of ESPN. And for the love of all things good, refrain from shouting at the TV.
  6. Do not incessantly text, Snapchat, Instagram DM and Tweet intense conversations and build up how excited you are to hang out, and then fail to actually follow through. Some people actually believe that words have meaning.
  7. Do not ghost.
  8. Do not ghost.
  9. Do not ghost.
  10. Honestly, putting in the exhaustive emotional effort to get to know someone for three weeks, and then to vanish without a trace, is the epitome of rude. I get it, things come up, you meet other people, but have the decency – even a text message – of signing off, wishing them well, peacing out. You are not a child. Don’t act like one.

Oh the red flags I experienced are just…wow.

And not that I’m looking for a perfect prince charming, but there are just, some things that are non-negotiables.

And surely, I’m guilty of some red flags of my own, that I’m unaware of.

So here’s my question to you!

What is your dating advice?

Truly. Hit me with it. I’m here to learn, because the good Lord knows I’ve got a long way to go!

What are some of your experiences?

How much is too much to expect from men these days?

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294 thoughts on “Dating Etiquette for the Social Media OBSESSED”

  1. How much is too much to expect from men these days? If it could have been expected of us a generation or two ago, it can be expected of us now! Decency doesn’t have an expiration date, and the qualifications of good manners should not change because of new technologies.

    You asked about dating advice. Just keep being you, and don’t accept some guy acting like the examples you gave because of “today’s day and age.”

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  2. My advice is dates guys you wouldn’t normally if they show you interest…look at it as a man experiment my friend said …grow confidence and get comfortable with the process. Often its one your not expecting who can become the one! Just takes a bit of humility and in the end you will find someone who surprises you and ticks those boxes. You won’t have to compromise when it comes to the long term but be willing to in the short term as part of the opening yourself up process!

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  3. Also if a guy has no manners and is sending up red flags give him a date or two then see ya later! There really are good guys out there with manners and maturity.

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  4. I loved this post! I’m dating, too, and you definitely have to date to find what you do and don’t like. Definitely don’t ignore those red flags. The only one I might moderate is #3. Some guys aren’t naturally good at giving words of affirmation. I think they take for granted that we know we look nice (but yes, we’d still still like to hear it). Once you’ve built some mutual trust, be honest with him and let him know that affirming words are important to you and make you feel special. If he’s a good guy and cares about your feelings (which he should), he’ll be a fast learner in this department. All the best!

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  5. “PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY! For crying out loud, go without your phone for an hour and a half. It’s not fun to feel as though you’re a distant second to a person’s technology.”

    My wife and I were at a Red Robin last year, there was a couple on a date feverishly typing away at their phones. My wife commented on how weird it is these days when people are more interested in their phones than each other. Our waitress remarked on how it’s weirder that we know…they’re texting each other!

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    1. i know! it’s SO crazy! its like they’d rather be virtually with someone else! thanks for stopping by@ Hugs and love xox

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  7. At sixty seven and happily married, I am glad that I can not be of assistance on modern dating etiquette. Except to say that I feel so sorry for you. I wish that you could have met one of my four sons before they were all married who all knew (and know) how to treat a lady. God bless you in your search. JandM

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      1. Yes, and You wouldn’t gain much either, Caralyn, if teleported to another age and time. The grass is always greener here; because we water it. I feel how discouraging it is when they behave [like this] and you do not, but Trust, Precious! Our Father’s Heart also through me with you always, Leon

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  8. I have to be honest I’ve never done this dating thing that is so much a part of American culture. When and where I grew up in Australia (1970’s teens 1980’s early adult years)we didn’t date we just went steady. Now I realise Australian men can best be described as neolithic troglodyte cavemen who think women should be three feet tall with a flat top head for the ashtray and beer but I actually wonder if dating is a healthy thing at all. I wouldn’t date or even kiss a girl that has slept with or kissed 20 women before me. Admittedly my experience is limited even today but I really don’t see that it is helpful.

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  10. I agree, dating can suck sometimes. As a guy, I try to always follow through and, if I enjoyed the first date, always ask for a second one. I don’t believe you can accurately assess a person in one date, so if you think you might like someone and find them attractive, see if that persists beyond the first date. That said, even though I’ve rarely had a date tell me she didn’t have a good time, more often than not she turns me down for another date, or worse just ghosts. It’s frustrating because I’m a really nice guy and easy to get along with, but I have a couple of nervous habits that tend to surface on first dates and these can give people the wrong impression of me 😦

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    1. thanks Luke, i agree! it takes more than one encounter to “get” a person. thanks for sharing that. big hugs to you xo

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      3. Haha
        If we are going to keep sharing cuddles and kisses so mutually, we have to be careful, or we will have a date with each other ourselves.
        And to be honest, I even think it would be nice to sit at the table with such a beauty of a woman.
        No, to be honest, I think it’s great that you have such a success.
        That deserves a 💐
        Continue doing so
        But many 💋😍😘😘😍💋
        From
        Theo

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      5. I have seen that you are also a Christian.
        I would like to share my story here as I currently experience love as a Christian
        Some videos are in Dutch, but you can translate the texts with the translate-Tool and others are in English, I would appreciate it if you would like to take a look at it and put a comment on it.
        With kind regards
        Theo
        Here is the link
        All I miss is Love ❤️💘👄 All i miss is Love ❤️💘👄 MESSAGE ➡️👉👁👈⬅️
        https://wp.me/p6PMSL-1u

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  12. I hate to say it but expect nothing, and you won’t be disappointed 😉 its been almost 2 decades since I dated so I don’t know what to expect from guys but I do know, while I was looking, I found nothing. As soon as I said, ok I’m done, and quite facetiously said, if the Lord wants me to have a man, He’ll need to bring him, and put him right in front of me. And He did. God bless you 🙂

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    1. that’s great advice, Margaret. thank you so much 🙂 oh that’s so great to hear! God is good! Hugs and love xox

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  13. You hit the nail on the head with this post. The only thing I can add is looking at other women when on a date. That always was an immediate turn off to me. The date would be over at that point for me. Other than that, it’s been way too many years since I dated to draw back on those memories. Some are nightmares. A guy I knew in high school was taking me to a drive-in movie in his convertible Corvette and I soon discovered he was inebriated because he was seeing things on the freeway and he swerved a couple of times spinning the Corvette in circles. All I could see was headlights coming at us. Of course with memories like this, I try not to think of ever having to repeat the dating experience. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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    1. Hi Phyllis, thank you so much for sharing that. gosh, that sounds absolutely terrifying! i’m glad you were okay! thanks for your prayers. Hugs and love xox

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  15. Maybe, when his phone comes out of his pocket, you should take out a copy of your book and start reading. After all, at least one person on the date should look like they are interested in you.
    😄

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  16. Wow… Sorry for your bad date…. I can offer you this: Never Settle!

    From what you described, it appears that his upbringing (lack thereof) is to blame… Not giving someone attention is like anti-dating…. I’m 17 years out of practice for single’s scene but I do know if I pull off any of those things on a night out with my wife, it’d be a sure slap in the face and night on the sofa… The whole uber thing is alien to me… Definitely pick up at her home (if it’s not a blind date thing) and regardless how things went, to accompany her safely home… I still position myself closest to street on when walking with my wife sidewalk and unlock her door before entering car. My wife even reached over and unlocked mine while we dated (reference A Bronx Tale https://youtu.be/qyj2VNVB8qk) Sorry that my advice is geared towards guys – cause I’m a guy…. I’m hoping to instill in my two daughters the wisdom to drop a guy immediately if they are not being shown respect. They hopefully will learn what proper respect is towards a girl (and vice versa) by watching our (wife and I) relationship.

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    1. Never Settle – that is such great advice, thank you Joe. And thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like your wife is a lucky lady! big hugs to you both! x

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  17. Old married lady waving her hands wildly in the air! Pick me! Pick me!

    Some of this is kind of a wash, the cab/uber – eh whatever.
    The lack of communication regarding the plan for the evening, especially a first/second date – RED flag.
    The phone – anyone has 30 minutes (I’m a little too patient) and then, “enjoy your date!” and move on.
    He was already telling you that you were not important to him. And he continued to affirm that.
    Take him at his word, and move on.
    I was engaged to a guy once who wrote me a letter (hand written on paper) sharing with me his appreciation for another woman’s booty. One strike. You’re out. Done. Finished. Over and out.
    this is so long ago it was over the dang phone, a land line at that.

    Remember your beauty goes beyond your bones, the outer layer of your person…when someone wants to get to know You, then that will be the guy of your days, nights, dreams, hopes…

    God bless!

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    1. hahaha oh Teri, this is amazing, thank you. such great advice. yeah – red flag indeed. yes, moving on moving on moving on. Thanks again for this beautiful encouragement. you’re a great friend! Hugs and love xox

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  18. Sorry to hear about you meeting all the wrong guys. As a man who has been married twice and now single yet again I will have to face the world of dating once again. From the time I first started dating to what is out there and in terms of technology is really night and day different. At times I have been blown away but what it’s like in today’s world especially in the world of online dating. Nothing but false profiles and people trying to scam tour money.

    It’s a shame your in New York and I am up in Canada or I most likely would have asked you out by now and shown what a true gentlemen is all about. My parents raised me well and one of my parental goals is to raise all my children right especially my son, and the correct way to treat a lady.

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    1. thanks so much Edward! i appreciate you sharing your experience. and gosh, that’s a kind thing to say 🙂 i’m very flattered 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      1. Being able to make change in my own life, having the courage to be vulnerable and to share that experience… I can see that in all of your posts. I see a kindred spirit and someone that wants nothing but the best in life. You will find it, we both will. All the best.

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  19. I’d recommend making two lists. 10 things you must have, and 10 things you can’t stand. It sounds like texting during the date would be on your can’t stands and for good reason! The thing with making these lists is that it is kind of hard to think of 10 for both, but getting that stretch will help illuminate some aspects that matter to you. It’s also not 50 things you must have and can’t stand so it’s not overly restrictive. From experience, this list will probably evolve as you go on dates and possibly go steady with certain individuals. I hope you find someone good quickly but it’s ok if it takes a while. It’s good to be steady with someone for at least a year, because it usually takes that long for the crazy to come out, but everyone is crazy in their own way, haha! You just want to know what kind of crazy you’re getting. Pray, pray pray! God’s probably not going to shine a light from heaven on your Mr. Right, but use the wisdom and discernment that he’s given you and talk to trusted advisers about your dates.

    Peace,
    Luke

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    1. Hey Luke! thanks for this awesome advice. I’m going to make those lists tomorrow! such a terrific idea! and amen! pray!!! Hugs and love xox

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      1. I think everyone has subconscious “lists” of must-haves and deal-breakers and the key is to honestly acknowledge and accept what yours personally are. Once you see in another person what fulfills maybe 80-90% of each list, you’ll find a potential soulmate. Until then it’s a joker’s wild lottery of hit and miss. Good luck and God bless. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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  20. Good luck on your dating journey. Some sound advice you have given to guys there. I personally will not date anymore. I think there is to much expectation flying around. That is just me though…………………

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  21. Well you’ve asked for advice so take it from me, someone who found the love of his life and married her (though I found her online).

    The first important thing to have is the correct approach and mindset. You get out of something that you intend in the first place. In Islam, as is the case in Christianity, pre-marital sex is not allowed (though this might be different for you, I don’t know what your standards are), so for me the long-term goal was marriage. This meant I had to specifically look for someone who wanted to marry me, and had the qualities that I wanted in a wife. If you’re single and now dating, I’m assuming your goal is to have a life partner, and someone you want to marry and share your life with. This means that temporary qualities are meaningless (such as circumstances like being rich or having children) but personal character traits are far important and indicative of the person. So the first thing is to get your intentions right, and I believe the right intention is to look for a good suitable spouse.

    Now what makes someone suitable? What makes one a good spouse or good partner? Here I’m talking something fundamental that can apply despite personal preferences. I’ll explain by an example: let’s say you have a natural preference for tall brown haired men who are writers. Now you go along and you suddenly find an avergae height black man with a bald head who is a doctor, but you find he is a devout believer, and you happen to get along well with him and there is a chemistry. Here I would put his character trait of devoutness above your preferred outward characteristics.
    You see, you need to focus on the inner, and find someone who has a similar view of the world as you do, though there is scope for development.

    What inner characteristics should one look for? They are: devoutedness and dependence on God (both in speech and their actions) and that they ask for God’s help in times of need; because they have experienced pain from others, they dislike being hurtful or nasty to others; they are humble and patient; they smile a lot and are easy to laughter but slow to anger; and that they are good listeners, and are kind to others. The person that you meet should have these qualities already. Don’t be like those women who “wait for him to change”.
    That alone isn’t enough though. The second set of qualities is how the man interacts with you specifically. Does he communicate with you everyday? A good sign is that he does. If he skips a day, then you are not that important to him. But just as importantly, if the man is important to you then reach out and communicate with him everyday as well. One of the striking things that I found pleasing about my wife was that she would initiate the “good morning” most days. She lives in kuwait, and since I’m in england and kuwait’s time is ahead of england’s then she is up earlier than me. And to show her I care about her I’d make an effort to be the first to say good morning. The remarakable thing that drew me to my wife was that she wanted me and made an effort to reach out to me and communicate. And of course I reciprocated. It’s nice being in love with a human being rather than an empty wall. So don’t be a wall and be a living human when you interact with men of your interest.

    The rest kinds of takes care of itself. But you are right in everything you said in your article, each of those points were failures on the parts of the men you dated. A real man is kind and considerate, and if he values the woman he wishes to marry he will make sure to keep the desire of him in her alive and hot by making her feel appreciated and loved. And the woman also has to reach out and show interest to the man she wants to marry, and be clear with him. She should not play mind games such as that girl in “13 reasons why” did where she told the boy to leave but in reality she wanted him to stay even though she told him forcefully to leave multiple times, and he left as a real gentleman would. If you notice that in the word gentleman has the word gentle in it, and that is essential for a man to be, gentle with the world around him and steadfast.

    Before I met my wife, I came across other women who I was interested in, and some of the things that turned me off from them was their lack of engagement. They didn’t initiate conversations. They didn’t appreciate my art and bonsai tree. We couldn’t communicate and discuss important matters civilly such as the topic of getting married.

    To sum up: the man communicates with you everyday; he gives you regular compliments; he’s kind and engaging; he’s a devout and mature believer; he loves and depends on God; he is looking to get married. And for you, you need to: be aware of these qualities and look for them; be direct and honest about what you want from him; engage with him about his life and share your life and initiate conversation; and be respectful towards him and show him the kind of woman you are and what you believe in. If that is clear, then it will be easier to find someone you resonate with.

    🙂 I hope you read this and find this advice helpful.

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  22. I have advice that I hope can help. I agree with all YOU said. Keep you gadgets AWAY!! Next is take it slow. I have had a few friends who dove right in head first. They happen to have been gals. By this I mean they got themselves totally wrapped up in the guy before they really knew him. They put themselves on this total emotional high only after a date 2, investing themselves as if they had been together for months (and on many dates) already. THEN when ghosts came out of the closet they fell and took it all as “whats wrong with me, why is it I can’t attract good guys” etc… Personally I felt in these cases that they COULD attract good guys. The problem was they jumped in too much too fast instead of taking a little slower, and then being able to accept the signals when things “hit” that “hey, this guy isn’t for me”. I believed that if they hadn’t become SO emotionally (and yes physically) attached so hard and so fast, that when things did “unravel” (unresolved exes, other strange issues) that they may not have fallen so hard, blaming who they are and accusing themselves as undesirable. The guy was the one with the mess, but they took the mess on to themselves. TAKE IT SLOW-GET TO KNOW.

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      1. Oh and one more thing. If the guy “rainchecks” you, stay on him to at least honor the raincheck, even if it was a frivolous excuse. You can then brush it off after as not a guy being worth it.

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      3. Most rainchecks are unfortunately blowoffs or at least attempts to blow off. Thats what happened to one of my friends. She was telling me ALL these details about this guy, soooooooo hung up on him that she loved him etc etc etc…. Then they were finally going on a date. I hear from her, where she says, “tomorrow I’m going to tell him how I’m feeling about him”. He’s one of her coworkers btw. I said, Ok go for it (thinking that they had BEEN on the date I’d known about plus who knows what since). Turns out he rainchecked her. They hadn’t even BEEN on a date, YET, she was going on about him as if they were signed, sealed and engaged. But then she started in on the “what’s wrong with me, why can’t I find…….” I’m like all in my head that you wouldn’t fall so hard on yourself if you didn’t sell your whole heart and soul out to a guy BEFORE YOU EVEN DATED HIM ONCE!! Ayyyyyyyy!!! Hugs to you and I wish you well in opening up your heart. I do agree with what somebody posted, that NYC is full of sooo many self absorbed. This friend of mine and the guy in question are both in NYC too. Ayyyyy. Hugs and love!!

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    2. Hey there friend! aw, you give the best advice, than you Migueltio. You’re so right – take it slow, get to know. love that. love that. love that! big hugs to you xox

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  24. Just put yourself out there and don’t negotiate your conscience. Being flexible will lead you to trouble. In my experience, it’s important to ask the right questions to have a better idea of the guy’s character. And if you can meet guys through friends, then that’s a better route.

    Ultimately just be open to meeting the one and be quick to let go of others who clearly aren’t – a lot of men out there will try to get your pearls, but you need to ensure that they also have pearls to give and aren’t just pigs ready to trample all over your pearls.

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  25. Keep in mind you are getting the best someone is when you are getting to know him. Don’t expect it to get better when they do not feel the need to impress. And always in dating consider would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person. Most importantly, stay true to your heavenly Bridegroom. Be true to Him and expect the same from your date.

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  26. Have you read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari? It’s a study on how dating has changed in the US and all over the world due to technology. It’s fascinating, and though it won’t offer any tips, it may shed some light on why people behave the way they do when romancing through devices. Hope your dating life gets less frustrating!

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    1. Hey! I haven’t read it, but I have seen his Netflix show and stand up routines, which I think covers a lot of the same topics. It was a great and very soberingly true look at dating. truly fascinating. thanks for your kind words! i’ll have to check out the book! Hugs and love xox

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  27. Having just re-entered the dating scene myself, I am so with you! LOL I’ve had scary, yucky, and what the ____? experiences. But being a stubborn woman, I’m still putting myself out there – until my patience runs thins and I decide my dog is enough companionship! Hang in! G

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  28. First, let me admit how little men know about women. We are so used to male company, with all its crass, corny, loud, bad jokes, that we haven’t had any practice being kind and considerate. We HAVE to pretend we know, especially when we don’t. (Men do this with other men ALL the time.) This applies to every aspect of dating, love, and marriage. Men are slower than women to mature emotionally. This shows up when they banter with their friends when you are with him. The male form of giggling is a loud laugh and a slap on the back. This tends to soften as men grow up. They say that wisdom comes with age, but sometimes, age comes alone. Anyway, you asked for it, so here is my list:

    1. Date at least a decade older.
    2. Look for someone who needs help with his cellphone.
    3. Make some ground rules for the time you are together and after.
    4. Do for him what you want from him.
    5. Before you agree on a date, ask him how he sees the evening going.
    6. Get clarification on anything “fuzzy.” Add whatever you feel would make it better for you both.
    7. Acknowledge him for each mannerly, gentlemanly, considerate thing he does.
    8. Be ready to say, with a smile, “ah, ah, ah, ah, that is what I meant when we agreed to (remind him of ground rule.) let’s get back on track.” or whatever and however you want to coach him.
    9. Be aware of something women find impossible, that pervades the male psyche: Women have mental “boxes” of things they think about. They jump from one box to the next with out stopping. They call it “multitasking.” Men have something women do not: and EMPTY box. That’s right, when you ask him what he is thinking and he says “nothing,” he means it. He is not trying to dodge your question, he just went where men go when fishing, to the empty box in their brain. So do not badger him out of disbelief. Now you know that men are as mysterious as women in some ways.

    That is it. Good luck, you are a fabulous catch for some lucky Catholic man.

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    1. Oh Von, this is absolutely amazing. thank you so much for this awesome list. I especially love #2 – finding someone who needs help with their cell phone!! haha but in all seriousness, this is something i will take with me to prayer. big hugs xo

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    2. Good points.

      Everything that I’ve read about “multi-tasking” leads me to believe it’s a myth. I think the research indicates only 2 percent of the population is able to do it. Plus, after pretending to multi-task it takes roughly 20 minutes to return to the original task.

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  29. Well, Common Sense took a permanent holiday decades ago in this country. I occasionally see younger men opening auto doors and entrances. It’s nice, it’s classy and shows respect for the other person. It’s enjoyable to hold the door for others! I hope you find a man who will respect you as he should. ❤️

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  30. you know, as someone in the dating world, well kinda, I would say don’t settle. If your gut seems like something is off then it is probably leading you right. Remember your worth.

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  32. What I have found is that keeping my standards high led to me getting a high quality wife (but of course I see my wife as a gift from God which I feel is a very special gift because most people don’t have spouses that would consider you their soulmates).
    You might find that practicing my advice means that you become very selective of men and that you go months and months without any romantic connection.
    Actually what will probably happen is that you will find connections with men and then as each is deselected (based on your standards), the next man is higher than the last one.
    I was lucky that I had to only go through a few very short relationships (which I believe were God’s way of giving me experience) so that I could appreciate and better deal with the future real relationship that was coming.

    I want to make an important point here that God has already decreed someone for you. Who that person is, you don’t know but you will need to search for him. But this person, whoever he is, is a trial for you. It might be that he is a good man, in which case he will be a support for you and you will face a trial from a different direction. Or it could be that he himself is your trial, and you need to be aware of that. At any and every moment you need to ask yourself what does God want from you, why did that thing that happened just happen?
    You think you have a certain quality. Let’s say you think you are generous (I’m talking hypothetically here). Then God gives you an opportunity to test your generosity: an old gruff smelly homeless man asks for some change but his breathe smells of alcohol. How do you act? Because God is watching and recording what you do. There are no coincidences in life, each moment has a meaning and purpose, each moment you are either drawing nearer to God or drawing away from Him.

    I pray that our lives are filled with moments drawing nearer to God and few moments of us drawing away from Him.

    A wise man once said:
    “There are four states of the servant, not five: blessings, trials, obedience and disobedience. If you are blessed then what God requires of you is thankfulness. If you are tried then what God requires of you is patience. If you are obedient then what God requires of you is the witnessing of His blessings upon you. If you are disobedient then what God requires of you is asking forgiveness.”

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    1. Hi Mohammed, thank you so much for this thoughtful response! I’m so glad that you and your wife found each other! it sounds like you have a beautiful marriage, that makes me so happy 🙂 thank you for the encouragement and prayer! Hugs and love xox

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  33. Tip #1 – Move back to Ohio. Well, ok…that’s a maybe. If people’s driving habits are an indicator, manners continue to retreat everywhere. Expecting to find a non-self-absorbed person in NYC might be a bit much. Yeah, there’s you, and then there’s…?
    Tip #2 – If someone gives you the “soft plans” run-around, just tell him never mind. You have standards, so why claim them post-mortem?
    Tip #3 – If he isn’t going to pick you up and deliver you back to your door to be sure you made it inside and not just to your address, what makes you think he’ll do any better later? Face it; no one’s behavior gets better after they “won” you. If the girl didn’t want me walking her to her door, I still didn’t drive off till she unlocked her door and waved ‘bye.
    Tip #4 – If he can’t take his eyes off his phone or the game on TV, leave early. Why waste your entire evening? You shouldn’t have to ask at all, but maybe give him one chance. Non-compliance by him = non-attendance by you. Besides, he’s not really there anyway, right?

    Yes, I’ve been off the market for 30+ years, but I still say good manners and basic human decency are timeless. If you settle, you might find someone, but will he be worth it?

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    1. Hey Jeff!! how are you!? Thank you for these awesome tips. truly so helpful. That’s so true – their dating behavior should be their best behavior – it’s downhill from courtship! haha funny and sad but true. These are such great tidbits of advice. amen to that! I had a different title for this post that i was advised to change for…ahem…reasons…i’ll share over on Patreon what that was 🙂 big hugs to you and Julie, thanks again!! x

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  34. Major Props. Mainly, turn off the phones when having a dinner date with someone of the opposite sex who you would like to be your paramour. Period. nothing looks more ridiculous, than to see two people at a dinner table and both not paying attention to one another because of the dumbphone device.

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  35. Never settle for less than someone treating you with decency, manners and respect. When you’re dating, especially at the beginning, they are on their BEST behavior. Yes, their BEST. If what is supposed to be their best falls seriously short, don’t even bother engaging in further contact with them. If that’s their best, can you imagine their worst?

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  36. Being a man of a certain age, appreciably older, I am probably going to come off as stodgy but . . . a guy must abide by the no phone rule on your first date. You’re getting to know each other. If he can’t spend that time with just you, it’s no bueno.

    Now, I realize that unwritten rule jibes with yours. But the rest of my thoughts probably do show my age. Like, I don’t believe a guy you’re dating should be in contact with his ex. Like ever. If he texts, interacts with her on social media, etc, I’d have a huge problem with that. And no vague statuses on social media either. I think guys (and women) use social media to unleash their passive aggressive beasts. I mean, if you’re dating him and he’s happy and then out of nowhere he starts posting strange, depressing statuses that leave you clueless, I’d be getting in touch with him for a face to face. Pronto.

    And as per the face to face. He should want to sit across the table from you. Like, all the time.

    You have fun out there young lady.

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    1. no phone rule on the first date! that’s music to my ears! thanks so much for this great advice! Hugs and love xox

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  37. Oh boy, I hated dating all those years ago. My daughter is fighting this battle now. You aren’t helping me respond to her claims that all guys are jerks.

    I met my Mrs. when mutual friends invited us both to their house for dinner. The blind date/set up has the advantage of at least some level of “pre-vetting” by people who know both of you. I would say to let your friends and family know that you are open to such things.

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    1. Hey JP! thanks so much for this awesome advice. haha i’m hoping not all guys 🙂 aw, what a great way to meet! thanks for sharing that. yeah i def want a “referral!!” Hugs and love xox

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  38. Oh Caralyn.
    Am gonna write you a book and email it. Far too much for this space. Seeing how I am a serial dater and made about every mistake in the book I may be qualified to offer a few thoughts which might help. A few goods laughs anyway for sure.
    Great post!! Gonna get a lot of hits on this one.
    xoxo
    Roland

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    1. Hey Roland! aw, thank you I can’t wait to check out the email! i saw you sent one, i have yet to open it, but i’ll let you know when i do! haha learning opportunities, not mistakes 😉 haha but seriously, thank you! Hugs and love xox

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  39. I’m not sure I have any “right up to the moment dating advice”, but I know that when I used to date, I looked for someone that looked like me.
    There was actually a (quasi) scientific reason for this. People react to certain looks in similar fashion, which produces similar life experiences, which creates compatibility.
    That’s my unconventional wisdom. 🙂

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      1. Oh, and the other thing… This one is probably more important. Before and after meeting a potential, I’d always be praying, “Is this the one?” Eventually the guy upstairs pointed my soulmate out, and I’ve been married to that one special soul for 30 years.

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      2. awww wow, congrats on 30 years – how beautiful. and that’s so so important! thanks again x

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  40. Seek Jesus. That sounds so cliche and probably everyone will mock it, but when you seek Jesus first, He will take care of the rest. ❤ Praying for you, girl! Jesus will continue to amaze you with His Love!!!

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    1. ah love this so much. amen!!!!! seek Him first. thanks for keeping it real and for your prayers! Hugs and love xox

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  41. Before I remarried, I decided to try a Christian dating site. It was free, so I had nothing to lose (so I thought). The only person I dated was my first wife, so I had no clue what dating would look like as a guy mid-30s with 3 children. From my personal experience, I would run like nobody’s business before I went on a dating site. I found multiple levels of crazy. I must admit that there were a few ladies who genuinely loved the Lord and weren’t lying to get a man. It is easy for men and women to portray one thing online and another in person. It doesn’t take long for the truth to be revealed. I met my wife through a trusted co-worker. It was an act of God. I pray that God sends you someone who loves God first. He will love you as he should if his priorities are in line. I didn’t mean to turn this into a sermon. Just sharing some lessons I learned the hard way.

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    1. Hi Matthew, thank you so much for sharing this. A christian dating site – interesting. i’ll have to cautiously look into that. but yeah, i’m all about the referral 🙂 thank you for your prayers and kindness. big hugs xox

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  42. So, over the summer, I created a profile on a dating website (it was an impulsive thing, and I 10/10 do not recommend unless you have standards). But I ended up meeting my boyfriend on the site, and we’ve been dating for over six months. 😊 Anyway, that being said, I learned that you have to honestly communicate what it is you expect, or want. I recommend that before meeting for a first date, indicate the things that are important to you, and things you won’t compromise on, especially in terms of first date behavior. My opinion is that any guy that doesn’t see those things as important, isn’t worth a date, or a second date. Also, don’t play “mind games”, like the typical “Wait three days to text him after a date”, or whatever. I love that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling, but ultimately, I think it’s better just to aim for what you want, instead of torturing both parties. Finally (though I could keep going haha 😜), date with the intention of marrying. This is some of the best dating advice I ever recieved. Dating as if you’re looking for a future husband certainly thins the crowd of suitors, and I think it puts your heart in the right place as well. Hope this helps!!
    P. S. Trust God too; His timing is perfect. I met my boyfriend after almost three years of being single, and there’s no greater feeling than feeling God’s blessing on a relationship. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

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    1. hi friend! oh that’s so great that you found your boyfriend!!! that makes me happy. and thanks for this great advice. date with the intention on marrying. love it. and amen! trust God! Hugs and love xox

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  43. this may sound a bit self-serving but you’re looking for a man in a sea of boys. One good thing about guys my age is we know how to treat a lady. I know a guy…ok it’s me. Sorry I had to, but good luck. If the perfect screening device existed you’d have it already. Keep kissing those toads

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  44. Omg thank you for writing this post! I totally hear you on this – apparently basic human decency is too much to ask in people these days. And the ghosting thing pisses me off too.

    Just remember, practice self-respect and don’t settle for anything less – you deserve the best! 🙂

    • Katie

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    1. hi Katie! thank you so much fir this encouragement! yeah ghosting is just the epitome of rude and childish in my book! thanks for the kindness! big hugs x

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  48. Goodness- I had to stop reading comments. It was making my dizzy and slightly nauseous. To me the answer is quite simple. If a mate is truly interested and captivated, phones on the date won’t be an issue. As for finding that person – think about it for a second. Finding someone via the web – what do you expect? Really? Get out in the world, meet people, be interesting yourself and that person will come along. I have a great wife and I had to wait a long time for her to come along – God’s plan is perfectly planned and perfectly timed.

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    1. hahaha dizzy and slightly nauseous! yeah – that’s me thinking about dating! hahah thanks for your great advice. you’re right- in person is the best. So is God’s timing 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  49. To address your question, on how much is too much to expect from men, I have some thoughts, as a man. I think that while there is only one TRULY perfect man (Jesus, and we both know that), I think that it’s not just reasonable but also important to have the expectation of (if you’re so called) being married to a man who you can grow in faith with. You want to be “equally yoked” with someone, if you’ve ever heard that saying. I hope that whoever you date long-term or whoever you marry will meet those standards, at the very least!

    I give a fair warning though that the number of young men of faith is MUCH lower than the number of young women of faith. At the very least, that’s my experience. So even if you were to follow my standard, you may still have a somewhat difficult time finding someone who meets that standard.

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    1. thanks so much Brendan! amen – He is the prefect man, and I shouldn’t hold up men to an impossible standard. yeah, very true. Thanks for the great advice. Hugs and love xox

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      1. You’re welcome. Jesus is the only perfect man, but a man who strives to bring himself, you, and those around him closer to Jesus is perfect for you (and for believers in general).

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  50. I’ve run over a few things in a semi…they’ve stayed put. There is a disconnect in the always connected environment of today. Makes, to love for love’s sake forsaken.

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      1. I wonder what that truest love, that straight path, to love would look like? I think, its why I never dated after my first attempt after my divorce. I had my chance at love. It’s enough.

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