Dating Etiquette for the Social Media OBSESSED

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

Romance is a dying art.

Truly. In the age of smart phones, Snapchat and communicating through emojis, dating is, frankly, limping along like a squirrel run over by a semi.

Too much?

Perhaps.

But in this era of 140 character expression, chivalry has taken a hit.

Which poses the question, what are we to expect from young men in the dating pool?

You see, I recently started dating.

Okay, let me rephrase – I started going on dates this winter.

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After receiving a literal miracle of finally having my hormones restart after a decade in recovery from a severe case of anorexia in high school, let’s just say, I’m not wasting any time in the man-friend department.

And I think I’ve finally discovered the truth behind the old adage, you’ve gotta date to find out what you don’t want in a partner. 

Sheesh.

Leave it to NYC to show you the absolute highs and the absolute lows in life. And in this case, the dating scene.

This post is coming after an episode of being absolutely miffed. Like, just picture me, pacing, scratching my head, annoyed, slightly angry, feeling like…what in the world just happened?!

Human decency, people. Human decency.

I never in a million years thought that this would have to be said…I mean…common sense, right?

But alas, here is how to treat a lady…

DATING ETIQUETTE FOR THE SOCIAL MEDIA OBSESSED

  1. I don’t know, maybe don’t make firm “TBD” plans with someone a week in advance, and then not give specific details until 25 minutes before she’s supposed to arrive.
  2. Chivalry isn’t dead: offer to pick her up. Or at the very least…call her an Uber…don’t make her call her own. Especially not in the rain…
  3. Here’s a shocker: maybe tell her she looks nice. Every other guy in the bar is noticing, perhaps you could just acknowledge that she put some effort to look nice.
  4. PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY! For crying out loud, go without your phone for an hour and a half. It’s not fun to feel as though you’re a distant second to a person’s technology.
  5. Same with a sports game. Unless you’re at a sporting event or a sports bar with the purpose of watching the game, peel your eyes off of ESPN. And for the love of all things good, refrain from shouting at the TV.
  6. Do not incessantly text, Snapchat, Instagram DM and Tweet intense conversations and build up how excited you are to hang out, and then fail to actually follow through. Some people actually believe that words have meaning.
  7. Do not ghost.
  8. Do not ghost.
  9. Do not ghost.
  10. Honestly, putting in the exhaustive emotional effort to get to know someone for three weeks, and then to vanish without a trace, is the epitome of rude. I get it, things come up, you meet other people, but have the decency – even a text message – of signing off, wishing them well, peacing out. You are not a child. Don’t act like one.

Oh the red flags I experienced are just…wow.

And not that I’m looking for a perfect prince charming, but there are just, some things that are non-negotiables.

And surely, I’m guilty of some red flags of my own, that I’m unaware of.

So here’s my question to you!

What is your dating advice?

Truly. Hit me with it. I’m here to learn, because the good Lord knows I’ve got a long way to go!

What are some of your experiences?

How much is too much to expect from men these days?

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294 thoughts on “Dating Etiquette for the Social Media OBSESSED”

    1. haha ghost is when you just vanish. you cease all communication. it’s typically mid text-conversation, but you basically never hear from them again. real classy (eye roll) haha

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  4. I’m not into the very modern hook up over internet or dating service. The girls I met and sought company of came from work contacts, church socials, double dates with trusted friends. Its safer to see who you are thinking of asking out as first impressions are important and can save you from embarrassment. You certainly know quickly if the person of interest has incompatible interests or not but to meet someone you hooked up with on the internet is a high risk even though it may work out for some. Yes I agree with everything you say about etiquette. If the guy treats you badly or without respect on dates you should know things can only get worse in a marriage.

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    1. thanks for sharing this great advice, Ian. That’s so true – the internet poses a high risk situation indeed. Hugs and love xox

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      1. I just watched a news item on last evening TV where a medical doctor went to the internet to find a potential mate and got stabbed and doused with gas and is now trying to put her life back together again. She came very close to death and advises against any internet dating service.

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  6. My dating life is basically none existing 😂 there is someone I was interested in but honestly I’m not great at these things, I screw up alot I can’t imagine dating ever working for me plus I’m getting older, I turn 30 this year 😱 I think I have to leave it to the lord now. also I could imagine Caralyn mad 😂 honestly I’m so weird, I’d love to see it, think it makes girls alot cuter when they’re mad 😂

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  7. If a guy ever sits on his phone while on a date…get up and leave…Manners make a man…never technology. Praying God brings the right man into your life…someone who will cherish you always…xx

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  8. I would only waive the picking up/Uber thing, but I like being in control of how and when I get to places, and how and when I leave, so I would hate for the guy I’m having a first date with to be my ‘ride’. Not to mention a lot of people meet up after work, so it might just be more practical for each person to make their own way to the place.

    Now, I would consider a bad sign if they didn’t bother to communicate afterwards, even with ‘I’m home, good night’. But then that might just be me, I like knowing people have made it home safe.

    As for their behavior, I would say their behavior during that date – whatever can’t be chalked up to nervousness – should be watched carefully, especially how they treat other people and interact with them. Good luck with the dating!

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    1. thanks Miss Jay, yeah that’s a great point. It’s good to be in control of that sort of thing. that’s very true – always important to see how they treat the waiter! Hugs and love xox

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      1. It’s possible! I’m not in the US, and Uber isn’t a thing where I live right now (though it is in larger cities), so I’m not sure how the etiquette works out on that one! 😀

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  9. Great blog post as usual. I used to tell my daughter she would have to kiss a lot of toads before she met her prince. Scary as that thought was and still is…Hang in there. Each of these dates shows you what you don’t want and soon you will recognize the princes in this life. And there are some. Keep the faith, ask God to lead and be patient (oh, thats a hard one). Praying that you find that sweet, smart, sexy man. Blessings

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    1. thanks so much for your kind words and prayers. oh gosh, not more toads! haha jk jk thanks for the great advice! Hugs and love xox

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  10. God has the perfect man for you. Before going on your next date, ask your suitor to read this Blog post! Give him an assignment, and see if he bites. If he won’t pull up a link and read what your heart poured out, that should be a sign. (Lazy) In a world of ‘no expectations’, I have found some take it to the extreme.

    There is one thing I would have done sooner in my relationships. I would have met his Mother. Seeing the relationship he has with his Mother, revealed how I was to be treated. Do they have a healthy relationship? Does he adore his Mother? You deserve nothing short of spectacular, because you are!!! Don’t settle…ever…xx

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    1. haha can you imagine! just like casually dropping this in his inbox! haha oh gosh. thank you so much for this great advice and kindness. big big hugs xox

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  11. Let’s say I get one chance to go back in time to visit myself when I was 21. I also get one chance to give just ONCE piece of advice to my single, 21-year-old self.

    That piece of advice would be this: RELAX.

    As in, don’t try to put into that date all of your future. Just enjoy the moment!

    My caveat is that I’ve been married for over 26 years, have three sons who are also in the dating phase and about the same age my hypothetical self is visiting.

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    1. Hey Ed! thanks so much for this great advice – relax!! love it!! congrats on 26 years! that’s so beautiful! Hugs and love xox

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  12. I found my wife when I stopped looking and was OK with being alone. Relax have fun in getting to know other people. I met my wife when I was stationed in Germany and she was living in Arizona. We fell in love through written correspondence and have now been married for 14 years. The key though is that both of us went to God continually in prayer and He set the whole thing in motion…He literally matched us up!

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    1. Hey Ivan! thanks so much for sharing this! wow what a beautiful love story you two share 🙂 love that! power in prayer! Hugs and love xox

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  13. Caralyn, your posts are always the most adorable…and I do know your bubbly exuberance will one day be most appreciated by the man intended for you by God. In the meantime, while you’re searching for him NEVER DOUBT your instincts. Everything you mentioned is notable advice for anyone in the ‘dating scene’ & indeed it is all common sense, giggles. Have you ever checked out the Catholic Underground events in NYC? I see this Saturday evening (as in tomorrow night) they’re hosting one of their events. Cardinal Dolan has highly touted it as “the” young adult Catholic Scene in NYC. (I only wish we could attend; however, our return flight home is in the AM & once again our trip to the city does not allow for us to attend. But ONE DAY I know the Lord will arrange for us to be there.). ANywho, food for fodder. I adore the fransican friars of the renewal & perhaps you will love them and their community as well too! Hugs n’ blessings to you as you continue to dip your toes into the dating pool!!

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    1. aw, thank you so much Dawn, you’re so kind to say that. you’re so right – God has it under control! I’ll definitely have to look into the Catholic Underground events. I have been to several in the past and they have been incredible. I may just have to go tomorrow night! thanks for the heads up! and thank you as always for your encouraging words and friendship! you’re a blessing to me! Hugs and love xox

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  15. Oh, wow! It seems like you’ve had some rough dates recently. There have to be some chivalrous men out there somewhere! Hoping that both of us find them 🙂

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  16. Advice….be you, keep your expectations high, don’t settle, and don’t try too hard. The right man is out there. God will bring him to you when it is time, and most likely when you AREN’T looking, lol. Chilvary is not dead, my husband of almost 13 years still opens the door for me (six kids later!). I think the most important thing is keep your eyes on God. He will lead you where you are meant to be. 🙂 Good luck and be patient (easier said than done!)!

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    1. that’s such great advice. thank you so much for this encouragement. and wow 13 years! congratulations! that’s so awesome 🙂 amen! eyes on God! Hugs and love xox

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  17. The reason why some men behave so bad is because… we let them. Well not necessarily ‘we’, but some women, too many women have let them get away with bad behavior. Men have been trained, by women, social media, t.v., movies, etc. that woman are not worthy. Not worthy of respect, individualized attention, protection, etc., whatever. It’s that damend, ‘bros before___. It’s not dating. You’re not dating. You’re on a hook up whether or not you realize it. I can see how it would be easy to get wrapped up in, and spend a great deal of time, texting. That is your generation’s primary way of communicating. HOWEVER, you are wasting your time with this nonsense. Set the precedence early. Do not spend so much time on the phone unless it is an actual phone call and even then limit that time until you two have spent more time together face to face. If he insists on texting over more intimate means of communication, that’s a good indicator of where his mind is and unfortunately, it is not on you. You can’t read body language over the phone. I he is not willing to go to the trouble of meeting you out somewhere, he is not into you. He wants a booty call. You know that’s not you so do not waste your time and yes, men like that ARE a waste of time and unredeemable. At least unredeemable by YOU because you have big plans for your heart and it does not involve rehabilitating a man-child into a man. Let other women make a project out of men. You do not have time to play. when I finally decided (after wasting a YEAR with a man-child) that I did not have time to fart around with male nonsense, I found MY Mr. right. Our first date would seem odd to people. We did visit on the phone a bit but then met at a local restaurant. He asked my right away if I wanted kids (I said ‘no’) we talked some more over lunch and then went home SEPARATELY. We were not sure if the other was ‘the one’ but we gave it a few more dates.
    Again, let me recommend that you read ‘The Rules’. It teaches you how to teach men how to treat you the right way. This is something that men and women do not generally learn. I’m not talking a ‘project man’ here. I’m talking about setting expectations. That is what that book is about. Also, ‘He’s Just not that Into You was a other good book and Steve Harvey’s Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady is a good resource. You don’t have to strictly adhere to every piece of advice, but it helps to better understand the male, female dynamic. Unfortunately, you are in a big city. My experience of big city living is people treat other people as if they are fodder for the meat grinder. They use each other to get what they want and when they realize you’re not going to give it, they lose interest. Would it not be better to find out BEFORE you invest so much time in a man whether or not he has integrity? Think of it like this, every minute of time you spend with an immature knob-head is time stolen away form your true love. Your soul mate. Your; ‘The One’. It is time to school these man-children that they do need to grow up some time, but not on YOUR time. Women need to get it together and stop ruining it for the rest of the single ladies out there. If we all set similar standards we all are treated the same way. It’s just a matter of deciding which standards will be set. The hook up? Or not the hookup? You are no man’s ‘place holder’ or palette cleanser after the break up until the right one comes along. YOU ARE THE RIGHT ONE!

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    1. Hi Melissa, thank you so much for this awesome encouragement. you’re right – you can’t read body language on the phone, or gauge tone through text. And thanks for the book recco! I will definitely have to check that out 🙂 Amen to that!!! big hugs xox

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  18. I thank God that I am not currently in the dating scene, nor do I plan to be, so my advice may not be very good. I already told my wife that if anything happens to her I will be getting a dog. Hehe Seriously though, I would tell you and anyone else looking for someone; go for someone that is seeking to grow themselves. Sadly, as you have already found out, sometimes church is not the best place to start nowadays. Having said that, I believe good Christian men and women are seeking to grow themselves and improve their lives, and I would not doubt that you would be the same. Check out those types of events. Everything from toastmasters to John Maxwell, Zig Ziglar or Les Brown trainings. The types of people that are willing to invest in themselves and grow want to be around the same type of people. Just some random thoughts. Have a great day!

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    1. Hey Tim! Thank you so much for this awesome encouragement. haha your dog comment made me chuckle 🙂 and thanks for the recco. Very true! Hugs and love xox

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  19. Oh how you’ve touched on so many good points here. Thank goodness I do not date and have not dated in 25 years, but I do feel for mt 21-year old son. He doesn’t comply with the worlds standards. He shuns obsessive technology, social media, and the general disregard for human decency. He is an old soul who feels lost in this world. He wishes for the days of his parent’s youth. The simple simplicity of a time passed. I feel for you sweetie. I have faith that God will guide you through this journey and you will find a man who is deserving of your kind and gentle heart. In the meantime, enjoy the adventure. I can’t wait to “hear” what else you learn along the way. BTW, I do not think you are asking TOO much.

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    1. thank you so much Aubrey! i really appreciate this encouragement. Sounds like your son has a great head on his shoulders. Good job mama 😉 thanks for your kindness! yes! enjoying the adventure 🙂 x

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  20. Hello it has been a while since I posted! And here goes Caralyn! Only observe how your date treats you, how to see treat others that he interacts with during the evening as you go out. From passerby’s, restaurant staff, all electronics and technology, mostly people.

    If your date is nervous, are you trying to put them at ease, directly talking about the nervousness, agreeing that it is there for both of you? I am direct sometimes!

    Is it easy to observe an attitude of gratitude? Is it a stretch to see it?

    A caring attitude, respect, sincerity, and openness to get to know you as well as being able to answer probing questions from you.

    Did I say respect?

    I think I have asked two people out in the last five years! Not much recent experience in this area. I did get one indirect know which I did not appreciate. And I got one direct no and I did appreciate the person for giving an answer. You do not always have to say yes to every date. I like the idea of going out with someone you do not think it would ever go out with. Einstein had it right if you keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results, this is the definition of insanity!

    Blessings to you Caralyn, May God bless your efforts on finding a permanent relationship so you can pour your lives and each other and become one flesh. This is the will of God in marriage my friend. Godspeed and finding a good solid person.
    Denny

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  23. “Silver-lining in cloud” commentary:
    Wow! Wish that I hadn’t just given up blogging! Going out on a date sounds like a great source for material.
    Of course you know that I don’t date. When God pushes me toward a woman, it’s actually pretty terrifying. Entire communities get involved in attempting to manage the relationship, so much so that neither of us can figure out what the other person actually is like (a la “Pride and Prejudice”). What we would be nice would be to bump into each other rounding the end of the aisle at the grocery store, and spend five minutes laughing and chatting while we sort out what belongs to whom amid the basket contents spilled on the floor.

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  26. I don’t think I can help you because I do all the things right on your list and so anything I write will just be showing off.

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    1. Aw thank you for your prayers and encouragement! That really means a lot! Have a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  28. That’s excellent that you are ready to date again! It’s tough stuff to be emotionally vulnerable. My (not asked for advice) is to get plugged into a church (or para church) and go on “blind” dates with guys that older women and men (that you know and respect) set up for you. NY is big, dating sites lend to guys who are connected to technology, and sometimes blind dates can be the safest.

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  29. I love this! Great job, girl! With how far we are in technology, Its gotten harder for people to DISCONNECT, especially on dates. I can see how hard it is to actually date and have fun on these dates. You have a standard that you are looking for. Don’t ever settle for anything less than that. If you get a couple of bad dates, don’t let that be your expectation/default setting. Always expect the best to happen( and I know it may be hard sometimes, but staying mindful in what the Lord has planned for you, makes all the difference). And I am praying for your success, girlie. Always remember that in the eyes of God, you have so many great qualities and that there is probably someone out there praying for a God-fearing woman like yourself❤️.

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    1. Also take it slow. Build a strong foundation in the beginning of the relationship. Once that foundation is set and you both are in agreement that you want a loving relationship to come out of it, work towards that relationship. So that once you’re in the relationship you can make it go for as long as both of you want.

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    2. Thank you so much Karen! That’s so true. Thanks for this awesome advice. I really appreciate your prayers and encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  30. TBH, I gave up. I did (or did not) all those things you mentioned – treated a lady like a lady ought to be treated. Never got me anywhere. Saw them go off and marry jerks who did NOT treat them like a lady ought to be treated, and think like they were going to “change them”. Which in 99% of cases, never did happen.

    Advice? Well…. I’ll be blunt.

    1. Don’t tell us about other dates you have had. We don’t want to know. Even if we ask, we don’t want to know.

    2. You ALSO put the dang phone away. I have mine turned all the way off. You want my undivided attention, and I want yours. That’s how it should be.

    3. Sometimes, we are just quiet. It doesn’t mean anything. That’s just the way we are. Stop psychoanalyzing everything.

    4. I will open doors for you. I will walk on the outside on sidewalks. When you are on stairs, I will offer my hand. But I won’t order your food for you. Honestly I think that is rather paternalistic. Besides, how do I know what you like to eat? Don’t think I am not chivalric simply because I avoid one area.

    5. Don’t make me choose what we do every date. You have likes and interests. Let me know what they are.

    6. Don’t nag, and don’t try to change me. Show some interest in what I like, too. If I mention something about football, don’t be all rolling your eyes at me.

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    1. Taking note! Thank you so much for sharing these! Love em and so true! (Just a note…I personally enjoy talking about football 🤓 haha i just don’t like competing with it on the first date haha) Hugs and love xox

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  31. Ah, Caralyn, I don’t even know where to start…And multiply that by infinity, if you’d like. A girl who don’t understand math really ain’t worth dating. I mean, who doesn’t know what a caternary is??! C’mon, ladies!!!

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  32. As someone who used to work as a waitress, I have to tell you, romance can also be dead in a lot of marriages. There would be couples out for date night and immersed in their phone more than the person across from them. So you’re standards above are right on base, keep them high and you’ll find the guy. It might take awhile, but there are people out there who look in your eyes more than there phone, just gotta find em. 👍😉

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    1. thank you so much for sharing this insight and advice. you’re so right – gotta be patient! Hugs and love xox

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  33. Never SETTLE, God has the one he created just for you! Sometimes it just awhile to sort through all the rocks to find the true gem.

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    1. Thank you for this beautiful encouragement Nina. Amen to that – I do believe in His good plan for me! Hugs and love xox

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  34. Dating advice?
    I believed you mentioned in a previous post about being “old fashioned”. My advice is remain old fashioned but look outside the proverbial box that most people limit themselves to.
    Make sure he has good work ethics, isn’t a clubber, drunk or druggy.
    I’m under the impression faith is important to you, so glean what you can about his religious ideology before to many steps are taken or doors opened.
    Don’t look for someone who “needs” taken care of, a 40 something body with an 18 yr old mind..umm no…grown children can be rather taxing on the mind, soul, and pocketbook..
    Go to places you never would be looking for a date at.
    Maybe a fishing pier or old boat yard, NYC got its life from the water, hard working folk there.

    But before anything or anyone, seek wisdom in prayer.

    God bless.

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  35. So sorry to hear about your dating disaster. I’ve encountered my dating ‘awkwardness’ when it came to the guy to take me out. First mistake was not being honest with me. He has children, which I highly respect and understand, but then he told me that he was single, but on his social media pages, it stated otherwise. Another hint that this guy was not good was that every date we would schedule to go out, I understand if he had to work, but it was always “something came up”, that resulted in me eventually hearing from him many months later. The last tip of the straw with this one guy was that he told me that we cannot go out with each other, but rather, he’d rather have night stands with me. What? 😦 After that awkward moment, I made sure to lose any form of communication with this guy; by phone, social media, and I just prayed about it and wished him well.

    The ‘Red Flags’ you get or receive is there for a reason and I receive a lot of them too. It let’s us know immediately that something is not right. These are also spiritual signals from God to get us out of the danger we’re in. Since we’re spiritually motivated and charged up, God is revealing the Truth about them before we could even turn to ask Him for His Help. There was another guy I had to depart myself from, a man that told me he was a Christian, but there was something highly ‘off’ about him. For some reason, over the phone, he sounded like an abusive guy, hollering at me and upset with me all the time. By me having MS, I had to attend my physical therapy, but when I told him this truth, he believed that I was lying. I was hurt by his faulty revelation and thoughts of me. I was upset with him, but I just let him go.

    At this point, I turned to God like never before and prayed more than before. I found my comfort and support in his arms. I’m not perfect and neither do I expect someone to be perfect, but that sense of trust, understanding, and respect has to be there within the relationship.

    By the way, I have similar points of pet peeves as you do. A friend wanted me to be the one to pay and obtain our transportation to and from our planned dating location. What? Lol.

    Just know that God was watching your date and making sure that you were okay. I’m glad too… and sorry that you had to experience that moment. However, don’t give up. The right guy for you will come along soon enough when God brings him along in your life. Stay strong, Sis’, and everything will be okay. 🙂

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    1. Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. This is such great advice. I really appreciate it. And I’m sorry you had to go through those things! You’re so right – take it to prayer. Amen. Thanks again xox

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  36. Granted, I don’t have tons and tons of dating experience, but that hasn’t stopped me from picking up on things/deciding what I do/don’t want from other people’s stories. 😉 I DO have experience with the ‘lots and lots of talking, then randomly stops’ (more times than I’d care to admit; c’mon guys!) And based on that, I have to say: a little text goes a long way; a phone call or even face to face is better, but AT LEAST have the courtesy if I message you to then say ‘thanks, but no thanks’ instead of repeatedly ignoring any genuine messaging convo I try to start with you and making me wonder if I’ve done something wrong. Rant over.
    Anyway, I’m not sure what advice I can really give, but I would find a natural, chill way to set some immediate rules like no phones at the table and communicate, communicate, communicate. (It really does go a long way). Personally, I’d rather have a first date at a coffee shop because I’m into a quieter, more ‘intimate’ scene, but the same ‘rules’ would apply. Oh, and don’t settle. Ever. 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much for this thoughtful response. This is such great advice – communicate! Amen! Hugs and love xox

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  37. Can it be stipulated, before the date, phones will be turned off during the duration of the date? A guy’s willingness to do this, and follow through without being annoyed or impatient, must say a lot… Happy New Year, dear one.

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  38. Well, my advice is decades old but I’m going to lay it out there. In college I got so frustrated with the dating scene for all the same reasons. Yeah most of us didn’t have cell phones but distractions were still there. You should feel special on a date. I decided flash and dash (ala the 80s image) wasn’t what I wanted. I was ready to give up on dating and just focus on me (we boomers are the “me” generation so what was so wrong with that 🙂 ).

    I wasn’t as spiritual back in the day but I knew deep down God had all the answers. I spent a couple of weeks thinking about what I wanted in a man. I made a list (of course!). Then I very formally sat at my kitchen table and asked God to forgive me for not praying much and I asked for a husband that would love me, love God, be a family man, be a strong and supportive man, enjoy life, attractive (to me at least) on the inside and the outside, and willing to stay through the hard times (commitment). Someone I could grow old with. I told God I didn’t want to date anymore. I wanted a lifetime with this man I did not know. I wanted it all! and I boldly asked for it.

    I went on several disastrous dates after that prayer. Knowing I had asked God for what I wanted, I found I could discern what wouldn’t work. I’m so glad didn’t settle for less than what God had planned for me.

    Continue asking for what you want in a life-long partnership (husband) and continue seeking. Every “No this doesn’t work for me” is closer to your God endorsed “Yes!”
    God Bless and Keep the Faith!

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    1. Hey friend thank you so much for your kind words and advice. that is so so true – I need to turn to God in prayer and trust that He has a good plan in store. thanks for this awesome perspective. big hugs to you xox

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  39. Well, I saw this diagram long ago but the diagram is talking about the foundation because behaviors can be changed but your heart has to change….. change the way you look at women, change how you treat them, ALSO many guys nowadays don’t seek Godly advice from older men…. because I am sure they can offer wisdom etc. I hope you keep trying and also proud of you for taking risks!!

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  40. The only piece of advice I could give you is keep on trying and enjoy the moment. If there´s no one interested on the way, at least, make the most of it… Have fun and keep on scrutinising the dates you have, so we can give some advice to men that complain about not having great dates, too. They need to be talked straight away to make them understand… I hope it helps…

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  41. You are beautiful, and worth the effort to get to know. DON’T SETTLE. Definitely pay attention to the red flags. You’ll do fine because you know yourself, and you know you’re already complete in Christ.

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  42. the bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? This doesn’t mean that you cannot date men who are not christian, it means to be around those who do not upset the peace, who accept you as you are and respect the values you uphold.

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  43. Dating.. I’m completely out of it for a while, after an incident with my ex. We broke up not too long ago after four or so months. He’d tell me he could see us marrying each other, and spending the rest of our lives in each others company. In all honesty, I didn’t see us breaking up after such little time, but I guess that’s what happens when somebody messes up something so bad. Here’s a bit of a story: Two days before Christmas eve, he messaged me saying that his mother had told him that he’d be with my family that day, and we were going for a Christmas lunch at my Grandma’s. He was an absolute horror. I couldn’t work out whether he was two, or nearly fifteen. Lunch was chicken. He said repeatedly that it was all bones and so my mum had to get up and put some better pieces on his plate, which he still didn’t like, and freaking cut them up for him! At some point, he started clumsily shoving food in his mouth really fast and not chewing it. His mouth was open and you could see all that mashed up food. He kept staring at everybody really weirdly and getting out of his chair then coming back. Eventually, everybody was shoving napkins at me to give to him so he could spit the food out, but he wouldn’t. It took him 15 minutes to swallow one small mouthful. He treated everybody oddly and was abnormally loud and crazy. I didn’t even know who he was. He then told my family that he was ‘tired’ and went up to my grandparents bedroom and got in their bed. He messed it all up, and tried to initiate sex, or god knows what else. He wouldn’t come downstairs or even get out of their bed for hours! My mum had to come and talk to him numerous times and he kept talking shit. That’s the only way to put it. Then, he started rolling around under the covers and saying “It’s coming!” “It’s coming!” and then he farted really loudly. I was so horrified. When we had dessert, he made an inappropriate kissing joke about my mum, and served himself big, greedy portions. And then, he told everybody that he farted in my grandparents bed, and kept asking why I was being such a ‘sooky bitch.’ Then, he wanted to talk to me, so we went upstairs. He kept trying to touch me, trying to make it better. Trying to get my family to take pictures of us kissing, which I didn’t want. When we gave out presents, he asked my 90 year old grandmother if she had anything more for him. My mum, and both grandmas each gave him 20 bucks.. they had barely met him before. In the car, he told me that he wouldn’t have done anything if he had known I loved my family, and kept trying to suck up to my mum and give her reasons to convince me that his behaviour was a one off and not his fault. After the incident, he told me that I was never allowed to mention what happened. “You are not allowed to talk about what happened on Christmas Eve.” I said okay. “That’s a good girl. That’s the Maryam I know.”

    I never believed that he was capable of being so horrible. I knew he was somewhat bipolar and I’d seen him hurt people in the past, but not like this. It was like he was possessed. His A grades and polite, mature (what a joke!) personality meant nothing after I saw what he was really like.

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    1. wow what an experience. thank you so much for sharing that with me. Yeah, that sounds like it was a really unsettling episode. Hugs and love xox

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  44. I’m sorry this is so long!

    I don’t really talk about this part, but I think we were going to uh, “go there” that day. But something stopped me, and it wasn’t just his actions. I’m thankful for that, because I know I don’t always make great decisions, but It felt like God was intervening on my part. Saying that it was a mistake he wouldn’t allow me to make. That is love.

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  45. Well that was an unfortunate turn of events. I will say this, society has changed. I’ve run into similar situations with women in the dating world too, so I believe some people just “get it”. The following strategies are good for either men or women. It does take two to tango after all

    Three and a Half Pro Tips for Dating Success
    1. If you’re dating online, be incredibly insistent on actually speaking on the phone and setting up a first date the old school way. No text. We are not here for pen pals, right? The phone has a real authenticity to it. You will weed out the pool immediately.
    2. No coffee dates. Or any other bs cop out blah, blah dates. For the love of all good things in this world I can tell you that this Canadian man enjoys learning what interests he and his date share and then building up a fun activity, or real experience to make both parties feel comfy. Use some creativity and have fun.
    3. Avoid the online dating world. Sure, there’s the theory that this is how it’s done now, but really, how did our parents do it? I miss the high school days of putting effort in and writing handwritten notes to my girlfriend. Especially if we weren’t able to get together over the weekend. That was the excitement and effort we lack now when everyone is so connected.
    Try just going to places you enjoy. I find bigger music events and functions for networking are prime for the types of driven, successful, creative and hilarious women I want to meet, so think about the end game and where you would find one of those unicorns.
    3.5 if you do happen to get out there with someone, trying putting the phones in a basket at dinner, having a conversation and really trying get to know the person across from you. If this is too much to ask for even a first date, it likely won’t go any better down the road (though some people really are ignorant to this stuff and just need some coaching). Check out Mark Manson. He’s got a great formula, straight to the point.

    Hope this helps you and your readership. And ladies, my biggest pro tip? Find a Canadian guy… we’re super polite, eh!

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    1. Hey Mike! Thank you so much for these awesome tips! i especially like the “phone basket” at dinner! count me in! I’ll have to to check out Manson. thanks again! Hugs and love xox

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  46. I could go on and on, but here’s just a quality to notice after a bit. Pay attention to impulsivity. If someone consistently acts without considering consequences, that means some future decisions may not have ideal results. If you end up with someone like this, ask yourself if you’re willing to accept the consequences of their possible future actions. There’s a fine line between spontaneity and impulsivity. That’s just one thing I wish I had known way back when! lol

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  47. Gotta ask! What is ghosting?

    Here is my guy rule on a date night with my wife. I do not take out phones unless 1) we are somewhere with a view or something cool, and I want a picture Instagram can wait till later. 2) We are planning something and I need a calendar 3) We can’t remember something or need to google something, 4) we are expecting an important text.

    AND for the luva gawd ALWAYS pick up the girl!!! Even in the college non car years I walked over to get her!!!!!

    Sorry lady, but the right guy is out there!

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    1. hey Troy! thanks for sharing that great insight! ghosting is when you just disappear mid-text conversation. Or like you just stop returning phone calls without an explanation. Hugs and love xox

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  48. My dating advice (and take this with a grain of salt because it’s coming from a guy who has never been in a relationship, nor will I, likely, ever be mature enough to get into one) is to expect exactly what you want to expect from a guy. And don’t settle for less than what you expect. We’re a fickle gender and, more often than not, really just need to be put in our place. ‘Cause we’ve got egos. You just have to shut those down.

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  49. Hahaha…oh…dear Miracle Yello. You got me rolling on the floor girl. And the nerve on that guy to treat you like that. If it were up to me, he’d be sleeping with the fishes. But, thanks for the heads up. As for dating advice, I was hoping you’d have some lol. Anywho! Plus the giffy’s, especially the cat, was hilarious. I am sharing this with my folks (can’t stop laughing). Hmm Hmm…! Seriously though, thanks for sharing. I have questions to ask you but I’m sure you are overwhelmed with requests, yes? Ironically, it was about thoughts for dating and stuff. So its refreshing to see you writing about this.

    What’s my dating advice:
    -Pretty much everything you said about treating a lady

    -when you meet up, sign out of all social media.

    -Be honest. Tell your date to put away a phone or something and be honest about just wanting to get to know them. If there are really interested, they’ll appreciate. It’ll show humility, willingness to learn…etc. I say this because sometimes, people can get carried away. But, you are right. Stop everything for the one in front of you.

    -If it gets awkward, be honest about it. For instance, “I’ll be honest. Its a bit embarrassing for me to say, but it feels awkward trying to talk while you yell at the tv.”

    That’s all I got.

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    1. Hahah aw thanks Ish, glad this made you laugh!! And thanks for passing it along. And thanks for the great advice! I especially like signing out of all social media! Woo! Hugs and love xox

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  50. My Dad always taught me that you don’t just pick up your date, you go to her door, you walk her to your car and you open her door for her. I still open the door for my wife; not just the car, but at the restaurant, at stores, wherever. I know, I’m old fashioned. Yes, and put your phone away. I believe it should be that way whether it’s a date or you go to your friend’s house for dinner. I am still guilty of peaking at the TV when a game is on, but I try to keep it at that. And, texting is not an appropriate way to break up or propose or apologizing when you mess up (if you mess up, admit it, say your sorry, ask forgiveness). But do it face to face. When looking for someone, find out what that person’s character is, what he believes and does he have integrity. I had a post about this from a biblical standpoint on my blog. My wife always told her girls to look at how their date/boyfriend treats their mother. If they don’t treat their mother well, that is a red flag to stay away.

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    1. Hey again Dave! Thanks for this awesome advice. Aw I love that old fashioned style! So refreshing!! Amen to that! They’ve gotta love their mama!!! Hugs and love xox

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