True Life: Online Bullying

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So I’ve been sick with the flu this week.

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I haven’t left my bed in over 24 hours. My hair has that post-sleep permafix; I’m bundled up in three layers – all of which need a good washing after last night’s fever. There’s a mountain of tissues on my bedside table. And to top it all off, I’m mouth breathing. At least I’m wearing deodorant.

Needless to say, I’m feeling pretty attractive right now.

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But let me tell you – after a day cooped up in bed in a studio apartment, not only are you stir crazy, but you’ll inevitably find yourself in the deep abyss of the internet.

And unfortunately, this time didn’t result in a semi-fascinating conspiracy theory on the Denver airport, or an adorable cat video that makes me question my marriage eligibility status.

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No. In fact, I’m writing this at 1:24 am, after having spent the last 2 hours combing through over three thousand comments, many of which were hate….about….me.

Yep. I have officially become the target of online bullying.

I don’t know if you remember, but back around Thanksgiving, I partnered up with a beauty brand. I made a cute little one-minute video about their magnet mask. Perhaps you gave it a watch.

Innocent enough. I had fun making it, although to be honest, it was pretty terrifying putting my face on camera without a speck of makeup or concealer on. I can tell you about my virginity, my faith, my political views, fears, hurts, history of anorexia — no problem. But ask me to go on camera without undereye concealer? — I’m petrified! Talk about vulnerable. But I did it. I genuinely loved the product (I still use it) and was happy with how the vid turned out.

Little did I know, but that “little video” has been viewed over 8 MILLION TIMES on Facebook and Instagram. The company has been using it as their viral Ad. What an honor!

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View the Video

And well, let’s just say that with that exposure, my “anonymous” blog life and “in-person” life have been colliding. Many of my friends/acquaintances/teachers/coaches from high school have been commenting on the video, asking if it is me, not knowing that I have this blog.

And it was only tonight, after I was tagged in the video by a friend, that I discovered the reach this video has gotten.

And also…the hate.

I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, my fever-induced brain thought it was a good idea to read through all 3,000+ comments, and sear into my brain all the mean things random people were saying about me. Maybe it’s the masochist in me.

But wow. People are brutal. And cruel! My goodness, you’d think some of these people were raised by pit bulls!

People called me stupid. A “crazy white girl.” Said I was twelve years old. Attacked the way I spoke. The way I looked. Accusing me of plastic surgery or being sick with different skin diseases. They were hurling insults like cannonballs off The Black Pearl.

And all from the safety of anonymity behind a screen.

Let me highlight some of the real gems.

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But my all-time favorites:

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Classy. Real classy.

(And for the record – the “bruising” under my eyes is a side effect of the medication I have to take for my autoimmune disease. It makes my dark circles more pronounced).

I have never been bullied before. That is a blessing that I know is not true for everyone, which makes me very sad.

The only experience I’ve had was a remark made on the playground when I was in second grade. I was told I was “hindering ‘Sally.'” Little eight year old me held onto that truth and stuffed it away, only to have it manifest itself in my anorexia, where I believed to my core that I was an unloveable burden. So yeah, I get it. Words hurt. And can scar you.

But wow. After reading through all these personal attacks, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to live with this feeling day in and day out. Where going to school is filled with dread and anxiety, rather than joyful anticipation.

But processing these remarks as a young adult is a much different experience than what I can imagine it must be like as a teenager.

Because I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling pretty hurt right now.  But I’ve learned, in these moments to cling to God, let Him carry me and heal my pains.

Which prompted me to roll over, excavate my laptop from beneath the mountain of tissues, and write this post:

Dear Strong Young Girl:

I don’t envy you. The world in which you grow up can be hostile, feeling like one giant competition. You’ve had to become an open book: sharing, snapping, tweeting, ‘gramming, filtering your life away – you’re desperate for a moment of privacy to discover the authentic you. There is more to life than followers and your worth is more than likes on photo. You have a heart. A spirit. A beauty that cannot be captured from the selfie feature of the latest iPhone. 

Boys will make you feel unimportant. Girls will make you feel small. Teachers can make you feel inadequate. And parents, well – they can make you feel exasperated, but give them a break – they’re trying. 

Life is a constant push and pull of authentic reality and fabricated reality. 

You don’t need to compare yourself to Kylie or Kim. At the end of the day, she’s just a 37 woman who posts naked selfies on the internet. You can aspire to more than that, sweet girl. 

You have worth. You have value. You have passions and talents and dreams and abilities that can take you wherever you want to go. I love you for that. And the world is better with you in it. 

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Believe in you. Believe in the difference you can make to this world – even if just one person. 

Compassion, generosity, faith, honesty, humility, empathy, kindness – those don’t get retweets or followers. But those are what make you rise to the top. They’re what really matter in this life. 

Because one day soon, high school will end. And you’ll graduate college. And every single person will stumble out, blinking into the light of the “real world” only to realize that truthfully, we were all to one degree or another, a “jerk” in high school. 

And those that don’t realize that…well, they’ll have a hard realization in their future. 

You, my dear: cherish this time. Put your phone away, hang out with your friends and enjoy being in the moment. Laugh. Dance. Make silly home movies about killer turtles that come to attack your town. Don’t let the boys tear apart your friendships. Or make you cry. Or say or snap or do anything that you don’t want to do. 

Keep your eyes on the Father – the One who wants only the best for His precious daughter, who He loves so much.

This is your life. Your time to shine. Because that’s what people with beautiful hearts do: they light up a room – just like you do. 

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“***

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

496 thoughts on “True Life: Online Bullying”

  1. Getting sick is the worst! I’ve been battling a cold all week, so my bed and I have gotten well acquainted 😁 Definitely praying for your health, and keep on shining your light despite what the trolls online might think. Thanks for sharing, as always!

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      1. I am horrified by the online comments you have received. You look totally normal in the photo of you with the mask you don’t have bruises or jaundice you look great. I think it is a nasty side effect of achieving some kind of celebrity – which you have with the 4 million views – that people attack you. This especially happens to women by other women. Why are they so mean? Where is sisterhood?! Thanks for your support for my blog! xx

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      2. thank you Caroline. Yeah the comments were a bit hard to shake…not gonna lie. thank you for your kind words. yeah, where is the sisterhood indeed! Hugs and love xox

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  2. There are some complete and utter w****** in this world! They think they are so clever and funny. They don’t take the time to get to know the amazing and so beautiful person that you are and the person who i care so much for and inspires me to keep battling x. Sorry for the curse those messages made me quite mad at first, but so thankful to have you in my life ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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  3. Wow – some people are truly horrible. And I bet half of them are all vocal and righteous about feminism and female empowerment, but perfectly happy to tear you down themselves. Awful.

    You’re a bigger person than I am when it comes to anonymising their identities – I’d have outed every one of their sorry backsides 😀

    I hope the positive comments far outweighed the stupid negatives and you’re not put off doing this again?

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    1. Hey Charlie, thank you for this. It seriously means a lot. I definitely won’t let it stop me from doing it again 🙂 thanks for the encouragement . big big hugs xx

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  6. I so agree with C.S. Lewis’s observation!

    Good and evil when they attain their full stature are retrospective. That is why, at the end of all things, the damned will say we were always in Hell, and the blessed we have never lived anywhere but in heaven.
    Collected Letters, to Dom Bede Griffiths, 25 May 1944

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  7. I feel like most people who do online bullying (or any bullying at all) hate their own lives. And it’s pathetic b/c they’re hiding behind a keyboard with cheeto fingers and probably not doing anything productive with their lives other trolling and making themselves somehow feel better,by putting others down. I wouldn’t let it get to you… you’re beautiful, got a good head on your shoulders with Jesus in your life, and are successful in what you’re doing. Keep on doing you! 🙂

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    1. hey friend, thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement. it seriously means so much. i appreciate you! big hugs xo

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  8. I think social media has finally allowed us to confirm that human nature is pretty bad. About the only thing you can do is unplug from those comments and move on. They are so totally off base compared to who you really are as a human being and a child of God. But consider this: every single one of those people obviously need to get a life.

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    1. hey James. I think you’re pretty spot on about that. yes – moving on! thanks for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

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  9. First, I’m sorry that you’re not feeling well. Second, people can be cruel. That’s just an unfortunate fact. But the thing is nothing they have said about you matters. I think you’re awesome, those who follow you think you’re awesome, most importantly, God thinks you’re awesome…all of the other noise comes from those who are nonessential. Keep doing what you’re doing…because you’re awesome!

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    1. Hey Sean, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. Amen – -and what God thinks is, in the end, all that matters 🙂 big big hugs x

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  10. The level of dehumanization that happens online is horrible. So you were sick already and then this. That probably felt like punches to the gut every time.

    You’re a courageous human, and I appreciate your vulnerability in coming on and talking about it. Also, I appreciate the fact that you’re rightfully upset about it but still managed to stay soft and kind in your response. That speaks volumes to your character.

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    1. Hey there Thalea! What a beautiful name! thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. it seriously means so much. sending massive hugs to you! xox

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    1. Hi Cate-Jayne! thank you for your kind words. Yes – anonymity breeds that type of behavior, unfortunately. big hugs to you x

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  13. Had this over a week ago. Not fun. Sleep through it and stay off the Internet! As to the remarks of others, as I say all the time, only you can make you “feel” — others can’t make you feel. Your feelings are yours alone. No matter how cruel people can be. As you know, God loves you unconditionally. As simple as it sounds, that’s all you need. And a little chicken soup!

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    1. oh no, i’m sorry you were sick too! thank you so much for this kindness and beautiful reminder. Means a lot. big hugs x

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  14. Hello sweet face!! You are a total star!!! I loved the video and you are a natural. I’ve been following your blog for a while and I love your work and now I am blessed to see your face live and hear your voice speaking. You are like Oprah Winfrey, everything you touch turns to gold. Just be you and go for the gusto! Don’t ever sweat the small stuff!!

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    1. Hi Jeanie! oh, you are too kind. thank you for these incredibly affirming words. I am truly touched. Big big big hugs to you friend xox

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    1. thanks David, yeah – all those comments and all that time on my hands — not a good combination! haha Hugs and love xox

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  18. Best not to look too closely at the comments. They are saying them in passing without the thought of it being a real person behind them, all foolish, shallow comments. Just remember its a great video or it wouldn’t be going viral! I guess that’s the cost of fame…just be grateful you aren’t a movie star or royalty how horrible that must be!

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  19. Trolls, really bad at trolling. Seriously though I wouldn’t worry about what these people are saying because obviously their words are worthless and sadly they are very small minded.

    Sticks and stones.. you should know that you are not worth the criticism from these people.

    Anyway feel better, being sick is not fun.

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    1. Hey friend! thank you so much for your kind words. You’re right – gotta let those comments just roll off like beads of water. thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  20. So sorry you were subjected to other’s insecurities. Makes me wonder what I’m opening myself up to with my own blog (and future book, hopefully). You keep doing you and spreading your positivity. God’s light shines through the darkness.

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  21. First of all, you’re adorable and strong. Obviously those trolls have nothing better to do because their lives are empty and they feel empowered to try to bring someone as low as they are. They have nothing. They waste the time and life God gave them on trying to fit in with the mean people who would turn on them in a second. I’m so sorry you experienced such nastiness.
    You took the high road and you’ll be blessed. Brave of you to share. I appreciate your transparency. 👏

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    1. oh my gosh, Tamara, you are so kind. thank you so much! I really appreciate your encouraging words. big big hugs xox

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  22. By the end of your post I was in tears. Why people feel the need to bully is beyond me. I am so sorry you had to read those rude, unnecessary comments. Thank you for opening up on this important topic! You are wonderful!!

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    1. Hi Maria, hahah thanks 🙂 yeah — what they didn’t see was that I actually did touch my face before I said it — i just had to edit it out to make it exactly sixty seconds hahaha — last time I’m going to be doing THAT!! hahaha big hugs xo

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  25. Bullies are people with issues which makes them feel worthless and it manifests in how they treat others. It’s a reflection of how they veiw themselves. Sad really but it’s no excuse. There is never a good excuse for bullying. They are cowards. It’s doubly so when they hide behind the keyboard. They’d never say it to your face. Botox? More like jealous of your beauty and enthusiasm. They wish they were as beautiful as you are and had skin like yours. Your positive outlook, your gentle way of speaking and explaining things, your strength and courage, your determination, they are all qualities we all wish we had. Some of us find it sooner than others. Some never do. You are a survivor! It took guts for you to put yourself out there like that. I admire that. You go, girl! Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus xx

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    1. Hey Allison, thank you so much for this kind and thoughtful response. you’re so right – there is no excuse for bullying. thank you for such beautiful encouragement. yes- gotta keep my eyes on Him! Hugs and love xox

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  26. Oh, Care! Those people don’t know your story. They don’t know the road you’ve traveled. They have no idea of the waves you’ve been challenged with and rode out with such grace and bravery. Don’t let their senseless, thoughtless words get into your beautiful, strong spirit. Tell the devil not today-because YOU dear are a child of the Most High! Please don’t let ANY person or rude comment dull that light of yours! Sending you a big hug from the frozen tundra of MN! (And praying for your recovery ❤ !)

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    1. Hey friend! (Also, I love that you call me Care! That’s what everyone in my day-to-day life calls me!! 🙂 ) Thank you for this beautiful response. i am so touched by your incredibly kind words. Yes! NOT TODAY!!!! Sending massive hugs! thanks for the prayers and stay warm!!! xox

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  28. I am so sorry you had to read such rude comments, you don’t deserve that. I pray for those people who assume things about you without actually knowing you. You are such a vibrant individual! Don’t pay too much attention to what they are saying, you keep doing what you are doing hun. I will be praying for you 🙂 (Also keep in mind Proverbs 9:8!)
    xoxo

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    1. Hey Martha, thank you so much for your kind words and prayer. you’re right – just gotta brush them off! I’m definitely going to look up that verse tonight before i fall asleep! Thank goodness for the bible app on our phones! hahaha but seriously, thank you for your encouragement . Hugs and love xox

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  29. I love reading your blog… people are truly so spiteful, especially behind a screen. Hurt people really do hurt people. You are beautiful, inside AND out!!! God will always have your back…and your true fans! ❤️❤️❤️

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  30. get well soon. and never get read comments on viral videos 🙂

    seriously, what’s dumb is that those people would never say that stuff to your face. because that would be hurting a human being, but hurting an image on a screen that’s just fine.

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    1. thank you friend. I appreciate it so much. i definitely learned my lesson! stay away from the comments section! that’s so true — great point. big hugs xo

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  32. Rev PA Bennett says there’s four things we have to do on Earth. Learn to love ourselves. Learn to love others. Learn to love Nature. Learn to love God.

    Depending on the time of the week I fail at one or all of these.

    We’ve been writing to each other a few years in these comments. I close a website and, you find me. 😂 That’s. Interesting. You know every one of my pains and, you still talk to me. You say really happy things every time even after really uncomfortable conversations occur. Like you do with family, I hate you for saying that. I’m glad you’re here. Now. Gimme the remote.

    I think you’re a great writer. Everyone that writes is a little messed up. Every crowd had cannibals. Art is in the bones and it’s in your bones.

    A rapper I like called Blueprint said, Fight for your Art or drown in the day to day.

    A rapper I worked with today said, you can’t buy that love when someone genuinely connects with your authentic self. When they love what you said as much as you do.

    Stage isn’t big enough for all of us. Some settle being fans. I’ve settled you should not.

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    1. Hey Kenzie, thank you for this wonderful response. I love those four things — so true – it all boils down to love. hahaha gimme the remote – i laughed out loud at that. thank you for your kind words. I’ll have to look up Blueprint. What a profound thing that rapper said – and gosh, I am touched. thank you Kenzie. Very grateful for you, my friend. Sending massive hugs. goodnight! xox

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      1. Print is from Columbus. He’s been doing it for at least a decade on his own. Probably uh. Not in the suburbs. Haha. I’ll email a link.

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      3. There’s an important thing to realize too. If you’re famous you were put behind a wall twenty years ago. Now. There’s no wall. I found the Apple programming bug months ago about the slow phones. When developing an app for some food banks. I campaigned against Apple and that unfair practice and was blacklisted on social media. So. In a lot of ways the wall remains in favor of the party with the most influence. We agree on a reality, do we wish to report the negative comments? I do when, the argument is not uh, cohesive. You know? Just way out there. Nothing to do with what’s being discussed.

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      6. Aww. Big hearts find big hearts. Uma Thurman said this about cruelty and love:

        Personally, it has taken me 47 years to stop calling people who are mean to you ‘in love’ with you. It took a long time because I think that as little girls we are conditioned to believe that cruelty and love somehow have a connection and that is like the sort of era that we need to evolve out of.

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  33. Continue to believe and preach your positive message! Perfect sermon to tuck away for when you have your church! Praying for you. More on prayer on my blog if you want to wander over!

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    1. thank you Rick, for your prayers and for your kindness and encouragement. you’re awesome. can’t wait to check it out! Hugs and love xox

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  34. Wow. Caralyn, I’m so sorry. The ugliness displayed in those comments is sickening, but I’m so glad you’re confident in who you are and ultimately Whose you are. It’s in Him we live and move and have our being! Unlike what some on Youtube have commented, I see you as someone who is whole and redeemed, because of what God has done. You have beauty, strength, and confidence, and the grace of God has made all of that possible. By the way, get well!

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    1. hey there friend. thank you so much for your kindness. i am truly touched. amen in Him we live!! gosh, thank you. Hugs and love xox

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  35. Firstly i hope you get better soon. Please don’t take those peoples comments to heart, they just jealous of you. Its says more about them than you. You are an awesome person and i love reading and seeing your blogs and photos.😘

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  37. I cannot fathom what motivates trolls to be so pathologically mean. I feel very sad for them that this is their life. Being bullied is painful. Being a bully is incredibly sad and a total waste of the gift of life. You go girl. I love your blog.

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  38. Prayers for your sickness 🙂 As far as the bullying: Wow! I had one negative post and it nearly destroyed my day! I also wrote about it. No worries, let them hate. They’ve got nowhere to run from themselves. You’re awesome and keep it up!

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  39. I exactly understand what you must have been feeling. Judging others comes free and there are so many who delight in it. The technology, modern media and the advantage of being in a virtual crowd, just encourages the hecklers.
    I experience this every day, day-in and day-out. I am a quiet person and am shy; people make their own stories about me. It makes me very sad and hurt; but I just go on. You are a wonderful person. Stay strong. Your affirmations were a boost to me too..
    Love…

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    1. hey friend, thank you so much for such kind words and encouragement! it seriously means so much. I’m sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. Sending you so so much love and hugs xox

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  41. I just hope that you get well much quicker than soon. You are a very wonderful and amazing lady. People hate you because you are doing things in life. You are making the most of your opportunities. They want to do nothing but destroy other people. I have been around these people my entire life. When they see someone better than them, they feel the need to destroy that person. Today, you are that person. They cannot stand the fact that you are a great person, and they desire to tear you down. I say continue to live your life. There are many who are inspired by you. YOU are gorgeous way beyond your bones.

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    1. thank you so much for they kind words. I am blushing and am truly touched. thank you. sending you so much love and hugs xo

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      1. You are very graciously welcome. Thank you for the love and hugs. Be advised that they viciously attack you because they know that YOU are better than them.

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  42. All I could think of is this ” If the world hate you, ye know that it hated Me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you” John 15:18-19. I’d say you’re in good company :):)

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    1. Hi Margaret, thank you for this beautiful response. that was actually the first thing that went through my mind – after the initial shock of course – was that verse. thank you for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  46. Whoa! No one deserves hate like that. I’m sorry you are the target of such unwarranted cruelty. Though I do not always agree with you, I still love reading your blog. I don’t understand how people can gate without even trying to get to know the person, just judging on 30 seconds of them.

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    1. thank you so much friend. I really appreciate your kindness and encouragement. i’m with you! i don’t understand it one little bit! Hugs and love xox

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  47. I wish I could ask all of those trolls if they’d say those nasty and judgemental comments if they were sitting in front of you. This is the dark side of the internet. You’re beautiful inside and out and you’re confident so that’s three triple threat to some. Please keep being you. Keep shining and get well soon.

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    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for your support. you’re right – the dark side indeed. thank you for suck kind words. it mens the world. Hugs and love xox

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  48. No one deserves to be bullied. Even if people hold to negative views, it is always good to know yourself and how you view yourself. From what I’ve seen, you are a strong woman and you help encourage others, keep at it!

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  49. So sorry you went through that! People are bullied almost everywhere, work, school, I business etc. And if you add the element of women being treated badly by men, or whites mistreating black people or immigrants being mistreated on a regular basis we can begin to see why the victims can get very angry. I’ve been bullied a number of times, and I’m white. It must be mucj worse for others.

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    1. thank you friend. Yeah, it’s really so sad. and I’m sorry that you can so personally relate. sending you so much love and hugs ox

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  50. Ok let me be honest… I thought that video was addorable! Don’t listen to the crazy haters online in the famous words of T.Swift “Hater gonna hate hate hate”. Just turn your check and do not sink to there level. I am still a little confused on why the heck anyone would say that about you because it just seems insane. Why do people waste there time writing hateful words to other people? My thought is that they take there anger out on other people instead of admitting there own sin.
    Ugh! I know how it feels to be sick and have this going on!
    Stop reading the comments it is not worth it, it just makes you feel worse!
    You are beautiful inside and out!
    -Isabelle ❤️😘

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    1. hahah aw, thank you Izzy. Leave it to TSwift to speak the truth!! 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. i’m smiling from ear to ear after reading this. Yeah, we’ve gotta just pray for those people. big hugs to you x

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