True Life: Online Bullying

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So I’ve been sick with the flu this week.

giphy-6

I haven’t left my bed in over 24 hours. My hair has that post-sleep permafix; I’m bundled up in three layers – all of which need a good washing after last night’s fever. There’s a mountain of tissues on my bedside table. And to top it all off, I’m mouth breathing. At least I’m wearing deodorant.

Needless to say, I’m feeling pretty attractive right now.

giphy-7.gif

But let me tell you – after a day cooped up in bed in a studio apartment, not only are you stir crazy, but you’ll inevitably find yourself in the deep abyss of the internet.

And unfortunately, this time didn’t result in a semi-fascinating conspiracy theory on the Denver airport, or an adorable cat video that makes me question my marriage eligibility status.

giphy-9.gif

No. In fact, I’m writing this at 1:24 am, after having spent the last 2 hours combing through over three thousand comments, many of which were hate….about….me.

Yep. I have officially become the target of online bullying.

I don’t know if you remember, but back around Thanksgiving, I partnered up with a beauty brand. I made a cute little one-minute video about their magnet mask. Perhaps you gave it a watch.

Innocent enough. I had fun making it, although to be honest, it was pretty terrifying putting my face on camera without a speck of makeup or concealer on. I can tell you about my virginity, my faith, my political views, fears, hurts, history of anorexia — no problem. But ask me to go on camera without undereye concealer? — I’m petrified! Talk about vulnerable. But I did it. I genuinely loved the product (I still use it) and was happy with how the vid turned out.

Little did I know, but that “little video” has been viewed over 8 MILLION TIMES on Facebook and Instagram. The company has been using it as their viral Ad. What an honor!

IMG_0274

View the Video

And well, let’s just say that with that exposure, my “anonymous” blog life and “in-person” life have been colliding. Many of my friends/acquaintances/teachers/coaches from high school have been commenting on the video, asking if it is me, not knowing that I have this blog.

And it was only tonight, after I was tagged in the video by a friend, that I discovered the reach this video has gotten.

And also…the hate.

I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, my fever-induced brain thought it was a good idea to read through all 3,000+ comments, and sear into my brain all the mean things random people were saying about me. Maybe it’s the masochist in me.

But wow. People are brutal. And cruel! My goodness, you’d think some of these people were raised by pit bulls!

People called me stupid. A “crazy white girl.” Said I was twelve years old. Attacked the way I spoke. The way I looked. Accusing me of plastic surgery or being sick with different skin diseases. They were hurling insults like cannonballs off The Black Pearl.

And all from the safety of anonymity behind a screen.

Let me highlight some of the real gems.

fullsizeoutput_4fe3fullsizeoutput_4fe4fullsizeoutput_4fe5fullsizeoutput_4fe6fullsizeoutput_4fe7fullsizeoutput_4fedfullsizeoutput_4fecfullsizeoutput_4febfullsizeoutput_4feafullsizeoutput_4fe8fullsizeoutput_4feefullsizeoutput_4feffullsizeoutput_4ff0fullsizeoutput_4ff1fullsizeoutput_4ff2fullsizeoutput_4ff4fullsizeoutput_4ffbfullsizeoutput_4ff7fullsizeoutput_4ff6fullsizeoutput_4ff5fullsizeoutput_4ff3fullsizeoutput_4ffcfullsizeoutput_5000Version 2fullsizeoutput_5002

fullsizeoutput_5005fullsizeoutput_5006fullsizeoutput_5008fullsizeoutput_5009fullsizeoutput_500afullsizeoutput_500bfullsizeoutput_500cfullsizeoutput_500d

fullsizeoutput_5010fullsizeoutput_500f

But my all-time favorites:

fullsizeoutput_4fff

fullsizeoutput_5001

fullsizeoutput_5007

Classy. Real classy.

(And for the record – the “bruising” under my eyes is a side effect of the medication I have to take for my autoimmune disease. It makes my dark circles more pronounced).

I have never been bullied before. That is a blessing that I know is not true for everyone, which makes me very sad.

The only experience I’ve had was a remark made on the playground when I was in second grade. I was told I was “hindering ‘Sally.'” Little eight year old me held onto that truth and stuffed it away, only to have it manifest itself in my anorexia, where I believed to my core that I was an unloveable burden. So yeah, I get it. Words hurt. And can scar you.

But wow. After reading through all these personal attacks, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to live with this feeling day in and day out. Where going to school is filled with dread and anxiety, rather than joyful anticipation.

But processing these remarks as a young adult is a much different experience than what I can imagine it must be like as a teenager.

Because I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling pretty hurt right now.  But I’ve learned, in these moments to cling to God, let Him carry me and heal my pains.

Which prompted me to roll over, excavate my laptop from beneath the mountain of tissues, and write this post:

Dear Strong Young Girl:

I don’t envy you. The world in which you grow up can be hostile, feeling like one giant competition. You’ve had to become an open book: sharing, snapping, tweeting, ‘gramming, filtering your life away – you’re desperate for a moment of privacy to discover the authentic you. There is more to life than followers and your worth is more than likes on photo. You have a heart. A spirit. A beauty that cannot be captured from the selfie feature of the latest iPhone. 

Boys will make you feel unimportant. Girls will make you feel small. Teachers can make you feel inadequate. And parents, well – they can make you feel exasperated, but give them a break – they’re trying. 

Life is a constant push and pull of authentic reality and fabricated reality. 

You don’t need to compare yourself to Kylie or Kim. At the end of the day, she’s just a 37 woman who posts naked selfies on the internet. You can aspire to more than that, sweet girl. 

You have worth. You have value. You have passions and talents and dreams and abilities that can take you wherever you want to go. I love you for that. And the world is better with you in it. 

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Believe in you. Believe in the difference you can make to this world – even if just one person. 

Compassion, generosity, faith, honesty, humility, empathy, kindness – those don’t get retweets or followers. But those are what make you rise to the top. They’re what really matter in this life. 

Because one day soon, high school will end. And you’ll graduate college. And every single person will stumble out, blinking into the light of the “real world” only to realize that truthfully, we were all to one degree or another, a “jerk” in high school. 

And those that don’t realize that…well, they’ll have a hard realization in their future. 

You, my dear: cherish this time. Put your phone away, hang out with your friends and enjoy being in the moment. Laugh. Dance. Make silly home movies about killer turtles that come to attack your town. Don’t let the boys tear apart your friendships. Or make you cry. Or say or snap or do anything that you don’t want to do. 

Keep your eyes on the Father – the One who wants only the best for His precious daughter, who He loves so much.

This is your life. Your time to shine. Because that’s what people with beautiful hearts do: they light up a room – just like you do. 

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“***

CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY!

img_2729________________________________________________________________
STAY CONNECTED!

@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

A big thank you to my sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

Next time you’re shopping on Amazon, be sure to stop by my link, amazon.com/shop/beautybeyondbones first! Doing so is absolutely FREE for you, and a great way to support this blog! (When you stop by my link first, whatever you get on Amazon will give this blog a little kickback :))

My favorite item someone purchased last week was a Waterproof iPod Shuffle! So if that was you…THANK YOU! 🙂

patreon

For Podcast versions of my posts, please check out Patreon! You make this blog possible 🙂

***NEW!! For outfit details, you can check out my LIKE.TO.KNOW.IT page or follow me in the Liketoknow.it App!

 

Published by

Unknown's avatar

beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

496 thoughts on “True Life: Online Bullying”

  2. Some people have too much time to waste, they have nothing better to do, so they try to destroy others to feel better. Nothing wrong with your video. You’re beautiful and you shouldn’t take those comments seriously. Hope you feel better soon!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Melanie! yeah, it is really sad that people will do that. thank you for your kind words. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  3. I”m so sorry this happened to you.. People are cruel and heartless.. Its the society we live in, sadly. Please don’t let this ruin the experience for you.. You are absolutely ADORABLE in this and truthfully, I did not see anything of what they were saying. You looked and sounded adorable… XO

    Like

  4. It’s sad that people will be mean. If it’s any consolation, your post and the comments that followed were pretty encouraging. The bad always sounds louder than the good. But there’s still a lot of good people out there. And God’s light always shines brighter. You’re doing good!

    Like

  5. Haters gonna hate. Don’t take it to heart girl. Most people would never say some of those things without the safety of their computer screens. Keep being fabulous 👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻

    Like

    1. Hey friend, thank you so much for your kind words. yeah, anonymity brings out the worst in people. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  8. The sad reality is that the advent of the internet has amplified almost every negative thing life can offer. Luckily, you seem to have the right perspective and can easily own the pain, but knowing it is temporary and choosing to hear a more positive inner voice is the only one that truly counts. Even all of us, commenting on this, has some sort of anonymity that cannot be touched; so, it is your inner voice that will have the most impact.

    Like

    1. Okay, so I had to go to FB to get the full effect of the video and comments. I can honestly say, that NONE of the comments you posted above are accurate – not that you need the validation, but absolutely NONE of them are even close to being correct.

      Like

      1. thank you again 🙂 you’re really sweet to have taken the time to do that. you rock, my friend xo

        Like

  9. Not going to lie，I feel furious right now! I can`t believe people would write that. How unbelievably cruel! Sending you hugs. You are beautiful，inside and out!!

    Like

    1. oh my gosh, thank you Nicole. I really appreciate your support and kindness and hugs! sending you hugs right back! xoxo

      Like

  10. You matter. You always will. Be well. Get well! You have made a difference in people’s lives, especially young women. I am honored to know you through blogging. The Lord strength you today and everyday! Jim

    Like

    1. oh Jim, thank you so much for this wonderful comment. i am truly so touched by your affirming words. God is good! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  11. It hurts my heart to read even a couple of these disgustingly inhuman comments on the video you made. I don’t know how you managed to read so many – I couldn’t stomach it after two!!! For what it’s worth I think it is a very cute video. And as a Taylor Swift song goes “And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake ….I shake it off, I shake it off” (and no, I am not a Taylor Swift fan) that would be my advice to you…shake it off and ignore the mean-spirited morons and cowards that write such venomous and toxic stuff….You are wonderful and I am grateful for your blog and your kindness. I hope you are over the flu (both the bodily virus and the online one) Wishing you bright days and blessings….

    Like

    1. thank you so much Carol, I am so touched by your encouraging words. Yeah, I’ve gotta just shake it off! TSwift speaks the truth!! thanks for making me smile. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  12. Caralyn, We love you! You are so brave. My pastor sings a familiar song when bullied. “It’s a Small World After All”, but he changes one word, “world” to “thing”. The truth is, our world now thinks it’s okay to publicly display hate! Hate comes from those who have not stepped into the “Light” of this world, Jesus. And keep in mind, now that a hater knows of you, they might just find your blog, and receive Truth, and healing.

    Like

    1. oh mark, thank you so much for your kind words. It’s a small thing after all! that’s so true. Amen – Jesus is the light!! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  13. You will be hated by everyone because of my name. But the person who endures to the end will be saved. Matthew 10:22

    The Enemy knows where you are most vulnerable and will attack you there using any means possible, like those making all those nasty comments. He wants to silence you because of God’s light and truth you exhibit.

    But what you are doing, the witness you are being, the difference you are making matters greatly to those who may be struggling or who just need to hear some truth in their life. God blesses those who are a blessing. You are being a blessing. Never stop believing that.

    May God bless you and keep you; may He protect you and give you strength; may He heal you and give you peace.

    PS – I’ve enjoyed your blog.

    Like

    1. Hi Ronny, thank you so much for this incredibly kind response. that was the first verse I thought of after reading those comments too. Thanks for this awesome perspective, and for your prayer. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  14. Physical beauty may cause a person to stop and stare and say, “OH! WOW. Then move on forgetting what they just saw. But beauty beyond bones is a treasure for all eternity!

    Like

  15. People say things online and it is usually because they wouldn’t have the courage to say anything face to face. And some people are just mean. And I saw that video on Instagram. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, especially when you thought you might have removed an eyebrow.

    I know you probably need to know what kind of feedback you are getting online but you have my permission to ignore the people who are mean, rude, and just want to hurt others. I am sorry you were targeted though. Sometimes I purposely try to upset the apple cart with my post and I can’t even get a response most of the time.

    Good luck

    Like

    1. Hi Tony, thank you so much for your kind words!! you’re wonderful. Yes – just gotta ignore them! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  16. Dear Strong Young Girl,

    You wrote a very beautiful piece about the bitterness of others, realizing a piece of Biblical truth, that the bitter heart of mankind, without God, is deceitful and full of wickedness.

    You’re a beautiful woman in body and soul, undeserving of the spiteful vitriol being flung at you for a simple video.

    Remember, your outward is a reflection of the inward, and the Spirit can guide your heart when everyone else turns away.

    So gather your thoughts, breath again and enjoy the day the Lord has given you.

    Remember, you never have a bad day, just days and better days.
    Bad things happen every day, so when fewer bad things happen you’re having a better day.
    A little creed I try to live by and repeat when someone says “… having a bad day huh?…”

    So God bless and hats off to your faith.

    Stay gold.

    Like

    1. oh Mr. Sniff, this brought tears to my eyes. thank you. I can’t tell you how much this means to me. Yes – every day given to us by the Lord is a blessing, and when we can look at it that way, it puts a lot of “little” things into perspective. thank you for this kind comment. Hugs and love xox

      Like

      1. Words matter, whether written or spoken. As a Christian, my worldview always reverts back to Scripture. As such Scripture tells us this:

        Matthew 15:18 But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.

        Those using words to bully, either online or not, are identifying where and what their heart truly is, in darkness and wicked.

        So cyberbullies, keep showing your true colors.

        Like

    1. Thank you friend. yeah, sadly anonymity brings that out in people. twitter is a shining example. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  20. Great post, hope you feel better soon.

    I used to Reddit furiously some time ago, and get involved in all sorts of political screeching matches.

    I learned to get really cutting with my comments.

    I felt victorious…..and then, over the course of a few more months, like someone loving with an evil buddy who was moonlighting as me.

    I realised that I am who I say I am and that how I am on the internet it’s ALSO, who I am.

    The Bible has lots to say about ‘The tongue’ and for a brief moment I lived it.

    This was not my authentic self – and yet, somehow, obviously, it WAS me.

    I did a lot of changing, and discovered that my ‘authentic’ self is someone I can mould, as much as someone I free.

    And so now I see the self-hurt and anger that lies behind all those who are cruel to others on & off-line.

    I cannot imagine being the target of bullying and hate at a young age.

    Great post, thanks.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for this powerful response. you’re right – the bible really does have a lot to say about that. it sounds like you really did a lot of learning and self discovery. i’m glad that gave you such a positive perspective! it is definitely easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment on the web, that’s for sure! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  22. What a beautiful letter to a girl just going thru the realities of today’s world. I’m going to share this my young adult daughter and my teenage daughter. Say a prayer that it will give them permission to put away the expectations that are constantly glaring in their faces!

    Like

    1. oh thank you so much L. I am honored that you would pass it along. I will definitely say a prayer. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  23. I have faced this kind of online ridicule so many times it is ridiculous. People really can be sooo cruel. Thank you for your blog. I read most of your posts and I think you are a wonderful, beautiful person inside and out. These kind of people actually show their non-intelligence in the things they say.. they kinda’ do themselves in, so I wouldn’t think twice about any of it. I hope you can continue to feel God’s peace and I will definitely pray for you. It is the worst when you are so sick and you have to try and process these kinds of things! I hope you get better quickly!!! Lots of love your way!!

    Like

    1. I’m so sorry that you can relate on such a personal level. thank you for your kind words. it seriously means the world. Thank you for your prayers – know that you are in mine too 🙂 big hugs xo

      Like

  24. Baby Girl,

    I need your prayers. Went to see Daddy today and found him laying in the middle of the floor. Mental state half there and half not. Is in hospital with stroke. I just got home as had to come to get some things. Keep praying this is eating my guts out. Outside of Brother he is my best friend! Love you and God Bless, SR

    Like

    1. Oh my gosh, SR – I am sending up so many prayers right now. I am so sorry that you and your father are going through this right now. my heart is with you during this terrifying time. Lord, please fully heal and protect SR’s father. Strengthen his brain and heart and restore him completely. Please comfort and be with SR right now during this time of great anxiety and fear. We place this family in your hands right now, Lord, fully trusting that you are Healer and Comforter. Jesus, we trust in You. Amen. Please keep me posted. I will be praying hard for you all. sending all my love and hugs xo

      Like

  26. Thanks Caralyn.
    I’m passing this on to my daughter whose pre-teen son is bullied at school. And he’s just learned that he can’t go to the school he had hoped to go to for secondary (junior high) school, so he will likely end up with the bullies again.
    I hope it will encourage her in some way, but even if not, thank you anyway!
    Stephen

    Like

    1. Hi Stephen, I’m honored that you would pass it along. Thank you. I’m heart broken to hear that your grandson is being bullied. My prayers are with him. Gosh. Sending all my love and hugs xox

      Like

  27. My oldest grandson was bullied and I was so very angry.
    It was so bd that my daugther started giving him ride to school before she went to work.
    There was not a solution there at all unless my grandson became a bully himself. Cody, has a beautiful heart even now that he is almost 23 years old.
    I say a prayer tonigth for your quicker recovery. God bless you.

    Like

    1. Hey Patrizia, thank you so much for sharing this. gosh, that breaks my heart. I’m so glad that he’s doing well now. praise God. thank you for your prayers. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  29. Babe this is my saying. “Wish everyone the double they wish you.”
    Like GaryVee says : You do you!
    There is always going to be bad out there. But don’t let that ruin your day.
    We ain’t here to please everyone.
    Much Hugs girl! 💙

    Like

  33. Stay true to yourself, that is all that matters. Sorry to hear that something you were trying to do for someone else didn’t work out, I wish you all the best as you sort through this and in your recovery. Feel better soon!

    Like

  34. Very proud of you young lady! Get better soon. Always remember “whose” you are! Beautiful child of God you are!! Prayers abound for you all the way from Las Vegas! Laugh Often and Fear Not! Pastor David!

    Like

  36. I’m sorry you had to even experience such pathetic negativity, but I hope you get some confidence from the positive/supportive comments you receive.

    I’ve never used a face mask in my life! But your skin was glowing in that video! Is the onyx mask that good! Maybe I’ll try it! 😂

    All you can do is be you and you’re doing an incredible job with that!

    Like

  38. Just a bunch of sad, jealous losers. Pretty pathetic 😂

    I’ve learned to never take these things to heart. People will say mean stuff, but we should never let that affect us 🙂

    Like

  39. All I can say is that it’s people like you that give me hope that this world isn’t an entirely lost cause. As someone who was bullied (and worse), I celebrate your attitude and your fortitude. As someone with a daughter and granddaughters, I applaud your example for them and others. As someone who has faced and overcome certain struggles myself, you’re an inspiration and I can wholeheartedly say you demonstrate a strength and depth of character that folks could aspire to — some far more than others. You just keep on being your amazing, adorable, awesome, wonderful self!!!

    Like

    1. oh my gosh what a kind thing to say. thank you. I’m sorry that you can so personally relate. It sounds like you are an overcomer 🙂 that is so inspiring. thank you for the wonderful affirmation. it means a lot. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  40. Really pathetic. Sad to hear you had to see all those comments. I’m also very sensitive, but in this case, you rock. So let trolls waste their lives online while you’re enjoying real life 😘

    Like

  42. This is great wake up post to all (young) commentators! Just because you don’t know someone, (you just saw a picture or video or something like that, and you feel that person is anonymous to you), you still can’t write anything about that person! She (or he) is real human being who have emotions!

    Like

  43. Thanks for writing this. It does take a lot to open up anymore, especially when it results in this type of backlash.

    I honestly don’t know how people can sleep at night after behaving this way. Would they do this to their child, their friend, if they weren’t hiding behind a screen? This says more about them than it does you.

    There’s a lot of people who truly appreciate you and what you’re doing.

    Like

    1. Hi Julie, thank you so much for your kind words and support. I really means the world. Yeah, it really is lower than low to anonymously be mean on the internet. we’re better than that, people! haha – big big hugs xo

      Like

  44. Aw, don’t let those comments bother you. Those poor people have never heard Lincoln’s words: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

    Like

  45. This is my favorite part right here:

    “Believe in you. Believe in the difference you can make to this world – even if just one person.

    Compassion, generosity, faith, honesty, humility, empathy, kindness – those don’t get retweets or followers. But those are what make you rise to the top. They’re what really matter in this life.”

    This is what really matters in this life. Thanks for sharing, hope you get well soon.

    Like

  46. My dear friend! My “adopted” daughter! I love you! You are loved! I’m sitting here with a few tears in my eyes at all of the hate poured out at you. I’m not even going to spend a second commenting on what sort of Jerry Springer trolls do this.

    I sorely wish you hadn’t gone through all of those hateful comments. I scrolled past them after a few. I didn’t care to read any more trash about my friend.

    I and 30,000+ know better. Time for you to go back and read Beauty and the ED Beast, eh? I’m glad you could pull yourself out of that and write such an inspiring letter to younger bullied girls! But then that’s what you do; snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Or, rather, that’s what Jesus and the Holy Spirit do through you.

    You MUST see the following video about Maksim Chmerkovskiy from DWTS confronting a hater who never met him but formed her hateful ideas about him strictly from online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adth1Rmvb4s

    I think you’ll identify with him and appreciate how he dealt with it.

    I hope this finds you feeling better!

    Like

    1. Hi Jeff!! oh, thank you so much 🙂 this brought a tear to my eye 🙂 You’re right- i’m going to go back and read that incredible post of yours again. i have it bookmarked for occasions just like this 🙂 and i can’t wait to watch that vid – thanks for passing it along. Jeff, I’ll say it again – you are a blessing in my life and i am so grateful to have you as a friend and “adoptive” dad. You rock. Big hugs to you and Julie! x

      Like

  47. I’m so sorry to hear that you were bullied online, Caralyn. Although I’ve never been bullied, I have at times felt that I was inadequate against the rest of my peers. Now though, I’ve learned to just be me instead of seeking the approval of those around me. Sure, that habit tends to pop up now and then, but now I just decide to lean on the Father instead.

    Like

    1. Hi friend, thank you so much for your kind words. Yes! We’ve got to let go of others’ thoughts…i’m working on it! haha amen! Hugs and love xox

      Like

  49. I was lucky enough to get through school before social media was a big deal but I didn’t escape the bullying. They just did it to my face or where they knew I could hear. It is extremely hard. But I think online bullying is an extra special kind of low. It truly shows how mean and cowardly that person is when they post stuff like that. What happened to “if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut your trap”? As for the Botox, I’ve had it for migraines multiple times. If they’re walking out with injection site bruises, they’re not using a very good dermatologist and might want to find a new one. That’s not normal.

    Like

    1. yeah, i can’t imagine what school must be like now with the pressures of social media. All we had was Facebook and Instant Messanger hahaha and even that was tough! thanks for your kind words – I’m sorry that you can relate so personally to this post. people truly can be mean and cowardly for sure. amen! thanks for your support. Hugs and love xox

      Like

  50. I’m sorry your not feeling well and that people online decided to bully you. I hope you feel better soon and just know you have a community of people here who care about you. Don’t let those bullies get to you because your definitely a better person than that.

    Like

    1. thank you so much Raney, yeah i have been so touched by the support. thank you for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

      Like

Leave a reply to Tony Cancel reply