True Life: Online Bullying

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So I’ve been sick with the flu this week.

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I haven’t left my bed in over 24 hours. My hair has that post-sleep permafix; I’m bundled up in three layers – all of which need a good washing after last night’s fever. There’s a mountain of tissues on my bedside table. And to top it all off, I’m mouth breathing. At least I’m wearing deodorant.

Needless to say, I’m feeling pretty attractive right now.

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But let me tell you – after a day cooped up in bed in a studio apartment, not only are you stir crazy, but you’ll inevitably find yourself in the deep abyss of the internet.

And unfortunately, this time didn’t result in a semi-fascinating conspiracy theory on the Denver airport, or an adorable cat video that makes me question my marriage eligibility status.

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No. In fact, I’m writing this at 1:24 am, after having spent the last 2 hours combing through over three thousand comments, many of which were hate….about….me.

Yep. I have officially become the target of online bullying.

I don’t know if you remember, but back around Thanksgiving, I partnered up with a beauty brand. I made a cute little one-minute video about their magnet mask. Perhaps you gave it a watch.

Innocent enough. I had fun making it, although to be honest, it was pretty terrifying putting my face on camera without a speck of makeup or concealer on. I can tell you about my virginity, my faith, my political views, fears, hurts, history of anorexia — no problem. But ask me to go on camera without undereye concealer? — I’m petrified! Talk about vulnerable. But I did it. I genuinely loved the product (I still use it) and was happy with how the vid turned out.

Little did I know, but that “little video” has been viewed over 8 MILLION TIMES on Facebook and Instagram. The company has been using it as their viral Ad. What an honor!

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View the Video

And well, let’s just say that with that exposure, my “anonymous” blog life and “in-person” life have been colliding. Many of my friends/acquaintances/teachers/coaches from high school have been commenting on the video, asking if it is me, not knowing that I have this blog.

And it was only tonight, after I was tagged in the video by a friend, that I discovered the reach this video has gotten.

And also…the hate.

I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, my fever-induced brain thought it was a good idea to read through all 3,000+ comments, and sear into my brain all the mean things random people were saying about me. Maybe it’s the masochist in me.

But wow. People are brutal. And cruel! My goodness, you’d think some of these people were raised by pit bulls!

People called me stupid. A “crazy white girl.” Said I was twelve years old. Attacked the way I spoke. The way I looked. Accusing me of plastic surgery or being sick with different skin diseases. They were hurling insults like cannonballs off The Black Pearl.

And all from the safety of anonymity behind a screen.

Let me highlight some of the real gems.

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But my all-time favorites:

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Classy. Real classy.

(And for the record – the “bruising” under my eyes is a side effect of the medication I have to take for my autoimmune disease. It makes my dark circles more pronounced).

I have never been bullied before. That is a blessing that I know is not true for everyone, which makes me very sad.

The only experience I’ve had was a remark made on the playground when I was in second grade. I was told I was “hindering ‘Sally.'” Little eight year old me held onto that truth and stuffed it away, only to have it manifest itself in my anorexia, where I believed to my core that I was an unloveable burden. So yeah, I get it. Words hurt. And can scar you.

But wow. After reading through all these personal attacks, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to live with this feeling day in and day out. Where going to school is filled with dread and anxiety, rather than joyful anticipation.

But processing these remarks as a young adult is a much different experience than what I can imagine it must be like as a teenager.

Because I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling pretty hurt right now.  But I’ve learned, in these moments to cling to God, let Him carry me and heal my pains.

Which prompted me to roll over, excavate my laptop from beneath the mountain of tissues, and write this post:

Dear Strong Young Girl:

I don’t envy you. The world in which you grow up can be hostile, feeling like one giant competition. You’ve had to become an open book: sharing, snapping, tweeting, ‘gramming, filtering your life away – you’re desperate for a moment of privacy to discover the authentic you. There is more to life than followers and your worth is more than likes on photo. You have a heart. A spirit. A beauty that cannot be captured from the selfie feature of the latest iPhone. 

Boys will make you feel unimportant. Girls will make you feel small. Teachers can make you feel inadequate. And parents, well – they can make you feel exasperated, but give them a break – they’re trying. 

Life is a constant push and pull of authentic reality and fabricated reality. 

You don’t need to compare yourself to Kylie or Kim. At the end of the day, she’s just a 37 woman who posts naked selfies on the internet. You can aspire to more than that, sweet girl. 

You have worth. You have value. You have passions and talents and dreams and abilities that can take you wherever you want to go. I love you for that. And the world is better with you in it. 

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Believe in you. Believe in the difference you can make to this world – even if just one person. 

Compassion, generosity, faith, honesty, humility, empathy, kindness – those don’t get retweets or followers. But those are what make you rise to the top. They’re what really matter in this life. 

Because one day soon, high school will end. And you’ll graduate college. And every single person will stumble out, blinking into the light of the “real world” only to realize that truthfully, we were all to one degree or another, a “jerk” in high school. 

And those that don’t realize that…well, they’ll have a hard realization in their future. 

You, my dear: cherish this time. Put your phone away, hang out with your friends and enjoy being in the moment. Laugh. Dance. Make silly home movies about killer turtles that come to attack your town. Don’t let the boys tear apart your friendships. Or make you cry. Or say or snap or do anything that you don’t want to do. 

Keep your eyes on the Father – the One who wants only the best for His precious daughter, who He loves so much.

This is your life. Your time to shine. Because that’s what people with beautiful hearts do: they light up a room – just like you do. 

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“***

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beautybeyondbones

BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

496 thoughts on “True Life: Online Bullying”

  1. I’m sure it’s been said but the video was great. You are utterly adorable and your skin looks beautiful. People are cruel because of their own insecurities. Its a lot easier to attack and tear down the people that are living authentically than to examine ones own heart.
    Keep on living your life openly and authentically and don’t mind those sad, heart-shriveled haters!
    p.s. LOVE how you turned a hateful experience into one of encouragement and love. ❤

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    1. oh my gosh, thank you Sierra. You’re so kind. you’re right about that – gotta just shake it off! big hugs xox

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  2. Seriously some people have nothing better to do (or say). I suspect the real reason was you were “real” on the video.
    I remember my younger bunch of kids encountering something like this for the first time on our arrival in Taiwan among the western ex pat kids. You had to “be cool” say the right thing, wear the right thing etc. (and basically put down everyone outside the group as geeks). The kids caught up in it were so insecure (that’s what made them act that way, one mistep and they became the target) but with the addition of a coloured girl (who was ostrosized for being different) one by one they won them over with the bait of true friendship when they saw them stand up for each other. The whole critical trip tends to mask insecurity.
    Be happy in that you were merely the victim not those afflicted with such negativity and suspicion that they don’t know a naturally beautiful woman when they see one.

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    1. Thank you so much Claire, I really appreciate your support. Gosh, growing up in today’s social media world is so hard. I’m sorry your kids have to deal with that. you’re right- absolutely. thank you for such kind words. Hugs and love xox

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  3. So I love your blog, and although we have different histories, I truly enjoy your story and the light that you bring. I am sorry people get brave behind a screen with things that they would never say to you in person, for they know you don’t deserve it and it is wrong to say.

    Buuuut. One minor thing – only because it is a pet peeve of mine (no pun intended). I have volunteered at a local animal shelter for nearly four years, which got me into the rescue world as well. Pitbulls are FAR better than these people attacking you. As a breed are some of the sweetest dogs I have ever met – even better than some labs, retrievers, or little dogs.

    Just food for thought. No need to perpetuate a bad image that one of God’s creatures undeservingly got handed.

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    1. oh gosh, thank you so much for your encouraging words and support. aww, i’m sorry about my pit bull remark. I actually thought about that as I was typing. I thought – i know these dogs aren’t like the handful of incidents of attack – I shouldn’t have perpetuated the stereotype. My apologies. You’re right -pit bulls are great animals. And what an awesome way to donate your time at the animal shelter. Way to go! you’re an aweomse human 🙂 haha big hugs xox

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  4. Hang in there Friend. You’re doing a great job and service with your blog. Stay strong. Unhappy people and bots would rather take someone down than build themselves up. Pray for them then ignore them. ❤ May God always grant you His Protection. 🙂

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    1. aw, thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. You’re right – pray then ignore. amen!! Hugs and love xox

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  5. Wow, I am so hurt for you. You are a beautiful person inside and out and it’s good to have God on your side (and know it). I follow Chelsea Clinton on twitter and she is always bombarded by mean and insulting comments but handles them beautifully just as you have.

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    1. Hi Mary, oh thank you so much for your kind words and support. Yeah, it’s so sad to see people getting mean remarks. no one deserves it 😦 thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  6. First of all feel better.
    May God send you a full recovery.
    It hurts to be bullied and bombarded by faceless, spineless trolls.
    But I am surprised It’s getting to you. I am sure you got compliments too. Right? Focus on those. Who cares what ppl say. the brain and the mouth are not always connected

    Have a look: This is a video of a girl getting a kitten- the most adorable thing I have ever seen (don’t tell my kids I said that) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAVFFg9tDtc&t=9s

    It has 300 dislikes. She is an 8 yr old girl and some nasty remarks.

    Trolls are the same people who honk their horns in traffic but are polite when you wait on line at the drug store…

    I a perfect world we save all our snark and insensitivity for Logan Paul and Pewdipie, but alas, 8 yr olds with kitten even get hated on so more pity parties k?
    Stay in the positive, something you tend to do well I would add.

    Get well soon.

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    1. Thank you so much Loit, I appreciate your support. You’re right – brain and mouth – definitely not always connected. haha. love the video. trolls are trolls. big hugs to you xox

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    1. Hi Mary, thank you so much for your affirming words. I know!? Surely there is something else they could better be spending their time on than bringing another person down. Thanks for making me smile! big hugs and have a wonderful weekend! x

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  9. Well, those comments are shocking. Very sad that anyone thinks they have to put another human down to make themselves feel okay. I’m so glad you know where your worth lies, and that you are using your voice to tell others where to look. Get well!

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  16. It is so unfortunate when people are so easy to judge one another but can’t come to terms with their own flaws. News flash, MOST women don’t look flawless without make up! It’s horrible that we shame each other on something we have probably all been shamed about. I think you are beautiful in and out and don’t listen to these people because you and God know who you are. ❤

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    1. Hi Mikayla, thank you so much for your affirming words. Amen! Women are beautiful without a face full of makeup!! 🙂 thank you for having my back. amen to that! Hugs and love xox

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  19. Jeeeeeeez- not okay.
    I’m so sorry. People can be so cruel. They don’t realize that you’re a human being and can actually SEE what they’re writing.
    I’m sorry you had to see it, but you’re the perfect example of being positive and not letting it affect you. 💪 hang in there and FEEL BETTER!

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    1. thank you so much friend. I know – baffling that people think being mean is “fun.” thank you for your kind words! sending big hugs x

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  20. you know you’ve made it when you have haters 😉 All jokes aside.. this breaks my heart. Especially the SWEETEST soul like you. I can’t imagine how much this hurt. I am SO sorry people are so cruel. Just know that those you know you (and those that matter) only see you as the beautiful, genuine, kind, authentic, radiant individual you are. Those trolls were grasping for straws, and coming up very short. XOXOXOXOX you’re amazing, Caralyn, never doubt it! PS. I wish I looked half as good as you do without makeup. Such a natural beauty! ❤

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    1. Hi Mackenzie! haha oh gosh, thank you friend. I am beyond flattered. You’re way too kind to say that. Thanks for giving me a good chuckle and a smile. You’re a blessing to me!!! hope your weekend is half as beautiful as YOU are, inside and out!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  21. Some people can be so horrible and judgmental! Don’t allow these trolls to get to your heart. Keep doing what you do. Thanks for sharing and I pray that you’ll have a blessed weekend. Take care. ❤

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  22. Some people are real pieces of work, whatever you do, do not let that stuff get you down. You are a beautiful, smart, funny, and a kind soul and comments like that only remind us that this world can still be a cold and callous place. Shake that off my dear and the best retaliation is to simply just keep being the person that you are.

    Oh, props for putting those idiots on full blast….bravo.

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  25. I am sorry you are not feeling well. Chin up, rest and recover. Ignore the “ROLLING VITRIOL” of a sparse group of people who clearly don’t understand what it means to be kind. One of the hardest things we do as humans is put ourselves in front of others. Bravo to you for being strong enough in self to do that.

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  26. Awww kid I am so sorry! I just watched the video. and these are my impressions: 1) I am
    SO glad I am a boy, so my product line is pert plus and irish spring. You ladies have it much harder! 2) You are cute!! No, not in the looks the department, you are gorgeous when it comes to that, but I mean just darn cute with facial expressions, reactions, big bright eyes and big smiles. 3) You are honestly genuine in this video. No canned reactions or trying to be anything, that is the real you. 4) love your voice. 5) I am SO happy to be a boy! (did I say that already!)

    So sorry you have the plague and I hope you feel better soon. Once you are back to full health, the confident beautiful woman I have come to know and care about will brush these people off!

    But until then, skip the internet and watch the Khardasians, or reruns of the bachelor, or Star Trek!! YEAHH!!! Start trek!!!

    luvs ya lady!

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    1. Thanks Tony, I really appreciate your kind words. Haha pert plus 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Seriously though, I appreciate the encouraging and affirming remarks. Means the world. Hj

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  28. i cannot believe people were so rude! i watched that video when you posted it and thought it was a super cute little video about a cool product! keep being you and ignore the people who feel the need to put others down.

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    1. Thanks friend. Yeah pretty crazy. There were also some accusing me of being in a domestically abusive relationship that I didn’t put up. Crazy. Crazy! Thanks for your support. Hugs and love xox

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  29. Caralyn, Jesus has to sigh in suffering when He learns what His sisters do to others sisters. He took my pain upon the cross, and when His Father raised Him He conquered the pain. I don’t know how that works, but I do know that it deletes the hate.

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  31. Sorry you aren’t feeling well! Feel better soon! I hate that you’ve received comments like that- none of what they wrote is true! And thank you for writing such a beautiful, honest, encouraging letter. I needed to hear that!!

    Enjoy your weekend!!

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    1. Thank you so much Robyn for your kind words! It really means a lot. Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and love xox

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  32. Adding my voice of encouragement to the others. You are an amazing young woman for sharing your struggles with an eating disorder. That in and of itself puts you light years above the petty, foolish, insignificant remarks meant for evil. Rise above, beautiful lady, and don’t look back. Do more videos. Keep blogging. Don’t doubt yourself for a second. Because we don’t ever want to face God one day and say we didn’t finish what He gave us to do because someone else made us feel worthless. That’s like saying God just wasn’t enough. So carry on, and next time don’t even look at those comments! 😉

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  34. I too am writing to give you encouragement. Surround yourself – especially your heart – with light. God chose you and loves you. Bullies are the worst. They can change a life. I was bullied as a small girl – 1st grade in ways that negatively affected me for over 40 years. Not okay. Stay as strong and insightful as you are!

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  35. God bless your heart dear. Take hold of what’s true. You are of great value. No one can steal it from you. You inspire us. Your life has a great impact on me as I just started focusing on blogging. So please continue to take more courage and faith 🙂 You are loved.

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  37. Hey Baby Girl,

    Hope you are feeling better. Wanted to say thank you for prayers and I just posted an update on Daddy. So pooped cannot write it twice, but wanted u to read.

    As far as your bullies, send them to me. They do not know what a bully really is, but they will after they talk to me! From where I am from, what these people say, ain’t nothin’ but a little knot in a tree.

    Send them to me, and they will quickly learn what a whole tree bully really is. Believe me, I can tell them things they have never even dreamed of! LOL!

    So before you get really upset over this, tell them you have a butt with two sides, pick a side, and kiss it!!!! After they do they can go and wash the sh–, out of their mouths for doing so.

    You see just send them to me. I have thousands! LOL!

    I love you and that is what you need to think about! God Bless, SR

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  40. Wow! People can be really cruel… Thank you so much for speaking out about this issue. I don’t understand how someone would hide behind a screen spewing hatred. But you know what? It reflects on their character.

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  41. Sorry you are sick but you will get better. I think you should expect good and bad when you decided to put yourself ‘out there’. Our Saviour went through this too. The acceptance by some, the hate and rejection by others and we know what happened next. Good News and Truth are suppose to set us free. But not all will accept truth. So modern day persecutions will happen. Subtly or blatantly. If you have strength in your heart despite all the smut you see thrown in your face, then pray for those who are persecuting you on line. As Jesus said on the cross ‘Father forgive them for they know not what they do’…it is hard. But Jesus did not say pick up your cross and follow me and life will be a breeze….hang in there…

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  42. Firstly, congratulations for your letter! Secondly, keep writing, keep moving on! That kind of people are those who usually do not do anything with their life but are really busy with others’ life. Spend your time with what you like doing. LOOK within you, look at your achievement (millions of views!!). Believe in you and let go what happened! You are a beautiful being inside and out! ❤ 💐 🌈 ❤

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  43. People say whatever they want without a filter on the internet. They think they have no punishment their statements. Makes you wonder what the next generations will be like. Scary thought. I got some negative remarks on some of my blog posts. It ruins my day to be belittled and made to look stupid to someone. I don’t even know how to argue! I can’t imagine having so many people rip you down. You are stronger than you think. 😀

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    1. thank you friend. i really appreciate you kind words. yeah, it really makes you wonder fr sure. Hugs and love xox

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  45. It always amazes me how carlessly cruel people can be. The fact that they can speak that way about a stranger shows how broken they really are on the inside. As for the open letter you wrote the beginning paragraph really hit me hard. It’s ​​so heartbreaking that young girls are really “filtering their lives away”. I’m glad your blog is a pl​a​ce for authenticity, we need more of that online and everywhere because everything is so hyper-edited​ and fake. Thank you for sharing these struggles and showing people that its okay to be hurt and feel something.

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    1. Hi Kourtney, thank you so much for your kind words and support. I’m glad that you enjoyed the letter 🙂 big big hugs xo

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  46. I am so truly sorry, people are malicious and as we know the internet has allowed hatred to spew from mouths who hide behind computers and would never dare say such trash in person. They feel better about themselves by trashing others because they have no self esteem of their own. And you are so beautiful and that my friend brings about some serious hatred and jealously. All the accusations that the company of had hired a teen or pre-teen for their ad and the countless Botox comments says all there is to say. And just as the Bible says, “Jealousy IS as cruel as the grave” and it does hurt but just keep shining!

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    1. Thanks friend. I appreciate your support and kindness. I am truly touched by such an affirming response. Hugs and love xox

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  48. HOW RUDE. People who obviously know nothing about you made the most insensitive judgmental comments!! I am so glad that you handled everything so well!!You know that you do not need to fight back the way they did. You know the thing that people with haters do not always think about, but haters are the ones that keep you motivated. They are the ones spiking up your views. They are keeping you successful and relevant. Continue to show love to everyone and brush your shoulders off girl!!

    If Our God is for us….

    -JV

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  49. Don’t give them a second thought. Some people in their own need for attention will seek it by trying to tear others down. There is no rational explanation other than some people behave well and others don’t. Focus on the good things in your life and don’t give the haters the time of day. Life is too precious to wasted on negative people. Be well.

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  50. I can’t understand why you’d want to read that stuff. It certainly doesn’t give you positive reinforcement. Just say a prayer for those who have such a low opinion of themselves they have to try and make themselves feel better by attacking others in the hope it will give them a feeling of self worth. They need Jesus, pray for them.

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