True Life: Online Bullying

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

So I’ve been sick with the flu this week.

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I haven’t left my bed in over 24 hours. My hair has that post-sleep permafix; I’m bundled up in three layers – all of which need a good washing after last night’s fever. There’s a mountain of tissues on my bedside table. And to top it all off, I’m mouth breathing. At least I’m wearing deodorant.

Needless to say, I’m feeling pretty attractive right now.

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But let me tell you – after a day cooped up in bed in a studio apartment, not only are you stir crazy, but you’ll inevitably find yourself in the deep abyss of the internet.

And unfortunately, this time didn’t result in a semi-fascinating conspiracy theory on the Denver airport, or an adorable cat video that makes me question my marriage eligibility status.

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No. In fact, I’m writing this at 1:24 am, after having spent the last 2 hours combing through over three thousand comments, many of which were hate….about….me.

Yep. I have officially become the target of online bullying.

I don’t know if you remember, but back around Thanksgiving, I partnered up with a beauty brand. I made a cute little one-minute video about their magnet mask. Perhaps you gave it a watch.

Innocent enough. I had fun making it, although to be honest, it was pretty terrifying putting my face on camera without a speck of makeup or concealer on. I can tell you about my virginity, my faith, my political views, fears, hurts, history of anorexia — no problem. But ask me to go on camera without undereye concealer? — I’m petrified! Talk about vulnerable. But I did it. I genuinely loved the product (I still use it) and was happy with how the vid turned out.

Little did I know, but that “little video” has been viewed over 8 MILLION TIMES on Facebook and Instagram. The company has been using it as their viral Ad. What an honor!

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View the Video

And well, let’s just say that with that exposure, my “anonymous” blog life and “in-person” life have been colliding. Many of my friends/acquaintances/teachers/coaches from high school have been commenting on the video, asking if it is me, not knowing that I have this blog.

And it was only tonight, after I was tagged in the video by a friend, that I discovered the reach this video has gotten.

And also…the hate.

I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, my fever-induced brain thought it was a good idea to read through all 3,000+ comments, and sear into my brain all the mean things random people were saying about me. Maybe it’s the masochist in me.

But wow. People are brutal. And cruel! My goodness, you’d think some of these people were raised by pit bulls!

People called me stupid. A “crazy white girl.” Said I was twelve years old. Attacked the way I spoke. The way I looked. Accusing me of plastic surgery or being sick with different skin diseases. They were hurling insults like cannonballs off The Black Pearl.

And all from the safety of anonymity behind a screen.

Let me highlight some of the real gems.

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But my all-time favorites:

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Classy. Real classy.

(And for the record – the “bruising” under my eyes is a side effect of the medication I have to take for my autoimmune disease. It makes my dark circles more pronounced).

I have never been bullied before. That is a blessing that I know is not true for everyone, which makes me very sad.

The only experience I’ve had was a remark made on the playground when I was in second grade. I was told I was “hindering ‘Sally.'” Little eight year old me held onto that truth and stuffed it away, only to have it manifest itself in my anorexia, where I believed to my core that I was an unloveable burden. So yeah, I get it. Words hurt. And can scar you.

But wow. After reading through all these personal attacks, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to live with this feeling day in and day out. Where going to school is filled with dread and anxiety, rather than joyful anticipation.

But processing these remarks as a young adult is a much different experience than what I can imagine it must be like as a teenager.

Because I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling pretty hurt right now.  But I’ve learned, in these moments to cling to God, let Him carry me and heal my pains.

Which prompted me to roll over, excavate my laptop from beneath the mountain of tissues, and write this post:

Dear Strong Young Girl:

I don’t envy you. The world in which you grow up can be hostile, feeling like one giant competition. You’ve had to become an open book: sharing, snapping, tweeting, ‘gramming, filtering your life away – you’re desperate for a moment of privacy to discover the authentic you. There is more to life than followers and your worth is more than likes on photo. You have a heart. A spirit. A beauty that cannot be captured from the selfie feature of the latest iPhone. 

Boys will make you feel unimportant. Girls will make you feel small. Teachers can make you feel inadequate. And parents, well – they can make you feel exasperated, but give them a break – they’re trying. 

Life is a constant push and pull of authentic reality and fabricated reality. 

You don’t need to compare yourself to Kylie or Kim. At the end of the day, she’s just a 37 woman who posts naked selfies on the internet. You can aspire to more than that, sweet girl. 

You have worth. You have value. You have passions and talents and dreams and abilities that can take you wherever you want to go. I love you for that. And the world is better with you in it. 

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Believe in you. Believe in the difference you can make to this world – even if just one person. 

Compassion, generosity, faith, honesty, humility, empathy, kindness – those don’t get retweets or followers. But those are what make you rise to the top. They’re what really matter in this life. 

Because one day soon, high school will end. And you’ll graduate college. And every single person will stumble out, blinking into the light of the “real world” only to realize that truthfully, we were all to one degree or another, a “jerk” in high school. 

And those that don’t realize that…well, they’ll have a hard realization in their future. 

You, my dear: cherish this time. Put your phone away, hang out with your friends and enjoy being in the moment. Laugh. Dance. Make silly home movies about killer turtles that come to attack your town. Don’t let the boys tear apart your friendships. Or make you cry. Or say or snap or do anything that you don’t want to do. 

Keep your eyes on the Father – the One who wants only the best for His precious daughter, who He loves so much.

This is your life. Your time to shine. Because that’s what people with beautiful hearts do: they light up a room – just like you do. 

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496 thoughts on “True Life: Online Bullying”

  1. Although it is easier said than done, there are always going to those people who hate (See Taylor Swift, Shake It Off, 2014).

    “The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control” (Epictetus, Discourses, 2.5.4-5; Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman, The Daily Stoic, 2016, p. 9).

    These comments are all outside your control. Focus on those things that you can actually control.

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  2. Ah! Dem haters dem! At the ending of it all who wonderfully and beautifully created you in his own image and likeness? Was it them? 🙅 No! Totally not! But GOD!!! And he loves you just the way you are! They’ll be judged one day for all which they have said in those comments to a beautiful Woman of God like you! They will be in my prayers as per usual!! God bless you and thank you for sharing! I’m gonna watch the video and enjoy it! Much love and blessings to you! Xxoo byes! 🙏😘💞✨

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    1. Thanks Tammy, you’re so sweet. You’re amazing – yes I will join you in prayer for them. Thanks so much for being a great friend! You’re a blessing to me 🙂 Hope you’re having a great weekend! Hugs and love xox

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      1. You’re welcome girl! 😊
        Awww thank you hunny 😃😘…Amen! They need it!
        Awww glad to be! Bless God for that! 🙏…oh my weekend was blessed hope yours was awesome! I did watch the video and you looked so pretty! It was fun and nice to watch! 😊😻💞…stay strong Queen ♕✨! Xxoo

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  3. Independent from your literary work on this piece “True Life Online Bullying” and speaking from an artistic perspective, this photo is incredible. It evoked so many different emotions in me. It’s one of those photos where I find myself thinking “God, if I could just find a woman like that….” Every man has pondered this when he himself encounters this identical moment. What mortal man exist who is able to desist from the reflection of God’s perfect love? Woman is God’s masterpiece of splendid beauty enveloped in a human body. That is why man falls hopelessly in love. We are captivted by Gods majestic qualities that he has so lovingly and inexpressably created for us, in a form that we can hold, love, and cherish.

    The angle of your hand, combined with pointed direction of the finger leading up to lips perched together in astute perfection. Infallible hair. The skin tone is soft and well balanced by the colour of the garment. Then the draw of the inquisitve contemplation. Thank you for sharing and thank you Lord for making. Lol.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I’m so glad it resonated with you. Yhanks for be being an awesome source of encouragement. Xox

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  4. Hello, hope you are feeling better. Have you taken your stock out in Kleenex yet???

    We got our miracle with Daddy today. When you feel like it, go read.

    Thank you so much for your prayers. You know I love you! Wish I was there to make you soup and hot tea! God Bless, SR

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    1. Thanks SR – I’m definitely keeping them in business. How is you Dad? I’m so glad that you got a miracle! Praise God. There is power in prayer. I am truly overjoyed for you and your family. Doing a happy dance 🙂 love you friend! Xox

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  6. Dear Caralyn:

    I hope that you can separate your professional and private personas. The spot has obviously been wildly successful for the sponsor, and that attracts attention not just from random viewers but from professionals trying to undermine the product placement value.

    I think that I also saw you on a spot last summer for some global organization. I can’t remember who it was, but it drew my attention. The gift of God’s radiance shines through you. It’s a challenge to those that identify with material success, and I’ve counseled before about the challenges of putting it in the service of their goals. If you can stay focused, when creating and viewing your work, on using every instant to project God’s grace into the hearts of your future viewers (regardless of what you’re actually conveying with the dialog), then there will be those that will both receive that grace and be inspired by the virtue that allows you to sustain it as your career develops.

    Blessings, and speedy recovery from your illness,

    Brian

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    1. Thank you so much Brian for this wonderful encouragement. And wow what a kind thing to say! I am humbled by your words. Is perhaps the spot you saw the Bed Bath and Beyond catalogue? That was last winter? Hmm. Interesting. Sending big hugs xox

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  9. People use Facebook for two things: to see what their family and friends are up to and be negative in any and all capacity with little fear of repercussion. I’m so sorry that happened to you.

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  10. Girl, you’re beautiful!!! Don’t listen to the bullies, especially when most of them don’t even spell correctly, but they’re ragging on you! And, I know what you meant by “my face feels so soft” before you touched it: IT FEELS SOFT; but most people are so unaware that they have to go on touch and can’t understand! (Lil’ tip, from personal experience, advertising your virginity is a magnet for Satanists, btw. Be warned.) Love ya, girl! Stay strong! 😀

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    1. Oh my gosh you’re too kind. Thank you friend. I know! And also – what people didn’t see was that in the video right before hand i DID touch it, but i had to edit it down to be 60 seconds. In hindsight i wish i would have left it in! Hahaha thanks for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

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  13. Seems to me they are only posting these nasty comments because your video became so popular and they want to be seen, want people to notice them, want to be as popular as you – and this is the only way they can think of how they could participate in your glory! This is what‘s behind all this cruelty and I found it often in bullying dynamics, that the driving motive of the bully is envy. You go girl! And you go in JESUS‘ name, you are glorifying THE LORD with what you do, you are shining because HE loves you and saved you and healed you! That will always bring haters to your scene – it is not about you, it‘s all about them! They are empty inside, they do not know OUR LORD and have never even had a glimpse of HIS peace – that‘s the only reason why they are so hateful. The more popular your video/ your blog/ your books become, the greater the chance that some soul(s) will get saved and that some heart(s) will be filled with JESUS because of you! Nothing could be more rewarding and doesn‘t this perspective let all the nastiness fade like

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    1. thank you for your kind words. Amen to that – Jesus is our reward and nothing on earth can bring us down if He is in our hearts 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  14. Another great blog post and sadly I have dealt with my share of bullying even as an adult ( My last blog post was about bullying at work) People are cruel because they need to push someone down to build themselves up, it’s sad. We are humans and it hurts see to see all of those rude comments but I’m glad you are calling them out on their ___ because they deserve it and frankly they are cowards. I am older and when I was bullied, it wasn’t online. So at the end of the day or the weekend I got a break until I went back to school. I can’t even imagine how i’d handle being a kid now with all the bullying on social media. I know I talk a lot so sorry but I am passionate about the issue of bullying. Stay strong and I hope your flu passes.
    Dave

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    1. thank you friend. I’m sorry to hear that you can so personally relate. hang in there. it really is sad. big big hugs to you, Dave. xox

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  15. Seems to me that they are only posting their nasty comments there because your video became so popular and they want to be seen, want other people to notice their profile – and this is the only way they can think of how to participate in your glory. I came to see that envy is very often the driver in bullying dynamics and the main motive of the bully. You rock, girl! You are speaking, you are inspiring others and you are shining because HE loves you and healed you!! That will always bring the haters to your scene, because they do not know HIS love and HIS peace. But the more popular your blog/ video/ books become, the greater the chance that some soul(s) will be saved because of you – and that will be worth taking all the hate in the world! Hang in there, in the end, all that matters is HIS opinion and I am sure HE is pleased with how you glorify HIM! May THE LORD bless you!

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  16. Wow. First of all you look beautiful in the video. Your skin looks amazing and you barely have dark circles. You were brave to let yourself be vulnerable. I’m the same way about going out without make-up on. It’s heartbreaking how young people have to deal with internet bullying today. And the poisonous messages our culture feeds young girls (and everyone else, for that matter). You handled it so well, and your letter is so touching and heartfelt. Good for you. Hope you get to feeling better – this flu season is something else.

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    1. aw, thank you so much for your kind words and support. I know, it really is sad that it is part of a kid’s growing up process. thanks for being a good friend. Hugs and love xox

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  17. Oh wow! Such a tragedy that we can be so careless with our words and be quick to say things we have no idea about, accusing without evidence.
    Am amazed by the strength I feel in your post. By how you didn’t let all this negative energy get you down, how you used something bad to bring encouragement to the bullied and maybe give an eye opener to those that bully without really thinking much of it. You are such a lady! And may God continue to bless you and use you to reach out and share with the world all that is good and comforting. Am glad this didn’t keep you from blogging. May you grow even stronger. And a quick recovery to you.

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  18. Keep up the good work. You turned something meant to hurt you personally into something beautiful and encouraging to all of us out here making in it through the muck and mire in this world we live in. You’re faith has made you stronger than the hate. God bless, Milly.

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  20. I am sad that those people said such awful things about you. I’m more saddened that people seem to take joy in tearing others down. I was bullied in middle school, and I was told in elementary school that “I was the cause of my own problems.” But the Lord says otherwise. He is our vindicator and He made us in His image. Reading Isaiah chapters 40-51 has helped me realize this. God bless you! Keep doing you girl 😉

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    1. Thank you so much Friend. I am so sorry that you can personally relate. Amen – He is our vindicator. Hugs and love xox

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  22. It is so sad that people feel like they can say anything just because they are behind a computer screen. There is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful on the outside and the inside. These bullies are the ones that have problems. I was bullied when I was younger. I was only in the 4th grade and I still remember how much those words hurt. Negative people are always trying to bring others down too. Stay strong pretty girl!

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    1. Thanks friend. I know – it really it so sad. I’m sorry this hits home with you. Thanks for your support and kind words. Sending massive hugs to you Kelbell! X

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  23. Just stopped in to catch up and also say thank you for your faithful visiting of my site. It is amazing the hate so many people live with. It is certainly a miserable way to live. They are miserable people. But as a compliment, I don’t know what your age is, but many of those insults are really a statement as to how youthful you look. A blessing many of us would love to have. You go girl.

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  24. You write beautifully! And I am so sorry people can be such jerks. In early high school I had some girls bully me on Facebook and it was awful, luckly I had a strong mom who helped me through it. Just know you are never alone and those people need a serious reality check as to how they should be treating others.

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    1. What a kind thing to say. Thank you. Thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like you have an awesome mama. Hugs and love xox

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  25. I’m sorry you had to deal with unkindness. The fact that there are people out there who feel that it’s necessary to make this kind of commentary is the main reason that I held back so long before starting a blog. Luckily, I’ve only met with positive commentary so far, but I’m sure that farther your reach, the more likely to, sadly, run into negativity. xx

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  26. Take care of yourself. And you (anyone for that matter) are not ever made more genuinely beautiful by makeup or a certain kind of skin. Beauty comes from a heart submitted to God and clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. His is the only opinion that matters (1 Peter 3:4-5). The most “beautiful” people by the world’s standards concerning their appearance are often the most ugly. Money and makeup don’t cover that kind of ugly. And…you really shouldn’t read comments on such things, especially not late at night and while you are sick. That is a recipie for disaster in your heart. Keep thinking on what is true! Philippians 4

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  27. I saw that video in my Facebook, but didn’t realize it was you! Don’t let those comments get you down! People seriously want to find things to be mean about on the internet. We own a cleaning business and do vacuum reviews and people find ways to be hateful. Personally, I don’t have time to waste that much emotion on vacuums, but you know if they’re doing that, most of what they say is just because they want to be negative. They are unhappy, cynical folks wanting other people to feel the same. You are beautiful and strong and a survivor. Don’t waste a minute on those haters and keep on keepin’ on.

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    1. Hey Connie! hahah yeah, it was yours truly! thanks for your kind encouragement. I agree. and frankly Facebook can bring out the worst in people. big big hugs xox

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  28. People amaze me sometime. In good ways and in bad. Things like this make me feel sad about how disconnected from people we’re becoming through the safety of computer screen and made-up Avatar and names. People tend to forget there are actual People they’re talking about-not robots. I think you looked amazing and that you were having FUN – how beautiful is that? Easier said that done but don’t let these flippant, non-thought our remarks get through your armor-God sees you. And he thinks your perfectly His. ❤️🙌🏻

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    1. thank you so much Amanda for your kind words. I know!! there are real people who have feelings that read theses! haha aw thanks — it really was fun!! Hugs and love xox

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  29. Wow. I am not a person who is speechless however I am at the moment. I watched the video 5 times and the only reason I can think of as to why the attack on you is that they are jealous of your beauty. Praying you receive strength and healing. Stay strong. You have a lot of followers who believe in you so don’t ever lose sight of xl

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and for watching the video! i really appreciate your prayers. big big hugs xox

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  31. very well written!!!! As wonderful as social media can be to help relay messages, inspire people, it also is yet another place for the big EO (evil one,devil) to seep in.
    I honestly am very worried for my daughter when she is old enough to use social media, or to go to school. What kind of bullies are out there now– how will she learn to protect herself from this?
    Why do people feel the need to even make these comments???

    That letter was beautiful. so well written. I want to read it to my daughter when she is old enough to understand XOXO

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  32. Hahaha…I liked “make home movies of killer 🐢 that come to attack your town.” Hilarious. Caralyn…you are and forever will be A MIRACLE, Miracle Yello!!! That is – full of life, full of joy, full of The Father’s love, full of strength, a woman of grace and Yiddish humor, a beautiful heiress, creative genuis, daughter of The ONE ☝️…! No matter how many nasty comments they throw at you, I just picture you cracking up because that stuff is just beneath you, woman of class. Seriously, I recall some of those blooper moments from your YouTube videos and picture you laughing at these silly comments in the same way. That in itself – cracks me up. You definitely are shinning through all these and it’s a blessing to “see” it. Go on and enjoy life mija.

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    1. Hahah thanks Ish – I may or pay not have pulled that turtle line out of my head from a true story 🙂 hahah thanks for your wonderful words of encouragement. Hugs and love xox

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  33. How brave of you to be vulnerable, both by making the video and posting about the hurtful comments that came your way as a result. I’m so glad to see how much support you’ve gotten from readers. Keep on being authentic!

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  34. Wow! That’s so unbelievably harsh! Makes me so angry that people will go out of their way to anonymously write a few / several lines of hatred to someone they’ve never met causing unseen misery. The beauty and power of the internet mixed with the flawed and wretched hearts on mankind. In all things, know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by a creator that loves you (Psalm 139:14). Thanks for being so brave and sharing your experience. Sorry you had to endure it. Keep up the good writing – love your blog and insta! 😀

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  35. Please don’t let ignorant, mean comments get you down. Some people have so much misery on the inside that it bubbles right out as hatred directed at whomever they can attack; be glad you are not like them! What I saw in the video was a beautiful young woman with great skin, eyelashes to die for, and a sweet genuine laugh (eyebrow! that made me smile.) Keep doing what you’re doing, dear, and being yourself- Ashleigh

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    1. Thanks Ashleigh for your kind words. Haha yeah I got scared there for a minute with my eyebrow! Haha seriously though I am so touched by your affirmation. Thank you. Hugs and love xox

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  36. I also have gone through this on a Poetry Site. So, I left. Bullies are so immature and maybe even Narcissists. They seem to have no empathy or compassion, except for themselves 😦 Excellent blog you have here! I cannot imagine YOU get hate mail. Must be jealousy on the Bullies part! Thank you. Now I know I’m not alone.

    ❤ ❤ ❤

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  37. P.S.- I left that poetry site when the bullying started not because I couldn’t hold my own ground, but because I realized that they were a substandard site, with no professionalism, whatsoever.

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  38. 3000 comments out of 4000000 views, that’s 0.07% which considering all the crazies, lunatics and psychos out there, isn’t a bad result!

    Besides, it just reeks of jealousy! If they were half as beautiful and interesting as you, then maybe they wouldn’t be trying so hard to knock you down to their level!

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  39. I just found this post….what a bunch (big) of assholes. And that is not ugly to say, actually the prettiest yet what those “brave” and “classy” citizens can receive. But yes, that is YouTube and Facebook, this goes under most of the popular videos.

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  40. I always love reading your blog. It is so powerful and uplifting. I love how you can take a negative experience and turn it into a positive. I am continually inspired by you. I watched the video after this article and didn’t notice any of the things these mean people were saying. You are beautiful inside and out, that’s what counts the inside. This week my pastor preached this verse and I think it’s perfect for what you experienced 1 Peter 4:12-13. Keep doing all the great things you are doing and changing lives!

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    1. Aw thank you so much Daphne 🙂 what a kind thing to say. I’ll definitely have to look up that verse. Thanks for passing it along! Hugs and love xox

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  41. Hey, Hi! Thank you so much for that wonderful message to strong young girls. Even though I’m not “strong”, I’m a young girl (15 yrs. old to be exact). I really appreciated what you’ve have written and advice to young girls like me. It made me feel good about myself. Thank you again, God bless you always!

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  42. It’s terrible. If these people were on the receiving end of their insults they’d be devestated. And yet they think it’s okay to spew out their negativity whenever they want? What happened to, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? Shame on them. And you go, girl! You have such a beautiful sprirt. Thanks for your encouraging words. God bless!

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  44. What they said was mean. I’m sorry that happened to you. When I saw the picture, I thought, “It looks like she’s having a good time.”

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  45. Laying here awake after my sister’s surgery and read through some of those comments. It made me think about cruel things someone said about me behind my back at the office recently before I had to speak in front of several 1000 people. Of course someone told me and I don’t know which was worse. Sensitive ol’ me realized I’m still susceptible to people pleasing instead of focused on pleasing God—heart mind and soul. I do believe His Light in us and that makes some uncomfortable. “Take the words and nail them to the cross,” my sister said. “”Who are you speaking for?” My wise little sister. 🙂 Be blessed beautiful girl. Keep your eyes on Him. Much love, Deb (and thanks for visiting me. 🙂 )

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    1. Wow I am so sorry you had to go through that, Deb. Know that you are an amazing sister and person. That’s me for sharing that. Hugs and love xox

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  46. I didn’t read all the posted comments but those I read clarify for me a big part of what is wrong with this country. People have nothing better to do than exaggerate and lie about a positive, creative young woman with a beautiful smile? Sad. Truly.

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    1. thanks friend. Yeah, i think Facebook brings out the worst in people, honestly. thanks for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

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  47. Don’t let these online monsters get under your skin. I am mystified about how some people can be so cruel and think none of tearing other people. I wonder if they could be that mean if they can see how ugly they are when they spew vile.
    May you continue to inspire others.

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  48. Being bullied sucks, full stop. I fully believe that the anonymity of the internet exacerbates how disgusting people can be, and it’s awful that there is little accountability online. Keep your chin up, and keep doing you 🙂

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  49. Cory Asbury has a song talking about the “Reckless Love” of God. When critics rise up and point out every flaw (and some of them are exactly right), we find our rest and peace in love that was crazy about us before time even began. Stay brave, stay vulnerable and let His love shine through you.

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  50. Sweetheart, take it from someone who has been bullied her entire life-one word, JEALOUSY. And maybe another, EVIL. You are gorgeous, successful, and have an incredibly kind and compassionate heart. Perfect ingredients for Haters. Don’t let the trolls get you down, they are broken, just like you and me. Love you~

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