Divine Mercy: Prayer through Pain

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

I think I’ve mentioned before about how I go about writing my blog posts. Because spoiler alert…it’s unconventional.

I literally sit down, and ask the Holy Spirit to write my post for me.

And then, it’s like the words just kinda flow.

But recently, there’s been a topic that has been put on my heart to write about: The Image of the Divine Mercy.

And quite honestly, I have been resisting. I was afraid it was too “churchy” or could be seen as too “religious,” so I have been kind of side stepping it.

But since I teased it a bit with this picture from last Thursday’s Chicago post, it’s as though God has been throwing every flashing sign in my path, saying…WRITE THE POST!

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But last night was the kicker. I went to a church I don’t normally go to. I was out with friends and I needed to go to mass, so I went to one in the area. And wouldn’t you know, not only was I sitting in a pew that was right next to this painting….

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But right smack dab on the wall was a huge mural painting, depicting the scene of the Divine Mercy. It’s when Saint Maria Faustina received the vision of Jesus’s Divine Mercy.

I could no longer ignore the prompting put on my heart.

So here it goes.

As you know, my battle with anorexia was grave. My junior and senior years of high school were tumultuous. I had managed to manipulate everyone in my life into believing that my drastic weight loss (I had wasted away to 78 pounds) was due to my ulcerative colitis. Which, initially, some of it was. I had a severe flare up at the beginning of my Junior year. But when I developed anorexia later that year, I would use my UC to my “advantage” and long story short, I had everyone believing that I had some horrific complications that were making me unable to gain weight.

Everyone, that is, except my mother.

She knew the truth.

Call it a mother’s intuition. Call it a gut feeling. But from the very onset, my mother knew that I was suffering from an eating disorder.

But here’s where things get hairy. By the time things got dire, I was 18, and legally an adult. So my parents could not force me to go to inpatient treatment.

And I might just be one of the most strong willed individuals you’ll ever come across.

Enter an intervention. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Back to my mom.

Sitting here, now, as a healed and healthy young woman, I often think about my mom, and what she must have gone through, watching her daughter waste away. Being the only one who could see through my manipulation and see the truth of the situation.

I remember talking with her years later, and she said something to me that I think will haunt me for the rest of my life. She said, “I had to prepare myself that you may die.”

Gosh. The pain I put this woman through. Even though I know she has forgiven me and loves me and we have moved on and healed together, my heart still sinks every time I remember that.

But the thing about my mom, which I have written about before, is that she never gossiped about me to her friends. Not even disguised as a “prayer request.” I mean, clearly, everyone could see what I was going through – my emaciated, skeletal body was a walking billboard. But people believed that it was my Ulcerative Colitis. Not anorexia.

But my mom knew that – if God-willing – I survived, that the only way our relationship would ever be able to heal were if our trust remained intact. Which, I know, seems like a glaring oxymoron – as I was literally manipulating and lying to her. But despite my deception, she knew that I needed to be able to trust her. And so she never talked to anyone about what I was battling.

Except our priest.

She spent every night in the Adoration Chapel at our church, praying for me. Pleading to God to save me and rescue me from the grips of the devil.

And she would confide in our priest.

And there was one day, during her confession, that he told her to adopt a devotion to the Divine Mercy, and gave her a little prayer card and booklet about it.

(And if you want to read more about it, you can get a book here.)

But it talked about how this image of Jesus was given to Saint Maria Faustina, and it shows the mercy of Christ pouring from His heart in a red and white ray. And underneath the image is the phrase, “Jesus, I trust in You.”

So my mom, desperate to do anything she can to save me, decided to read up on it, and went to our local Christian bookstore to pick up a few books. And wouldn’t you know, that right as she arrived, they were unloading from this big truck, a beautiful, nearly lifesize, framed painting of the image of the Divine Mercy.

It was the only one they had ordered, and my mom, recognizing this as a reassuring hug from God, bought the painting on the spot, and it has had a prominent place in our home ever since.

But the Divine Mercy is what got my mom through that incredibly trying season.

You see, the devotion to it, is all about the mercy of Jesus. And how we can completely trust in Him.

Saint Faustina heard these words from Jesus during the vision: “Paint an image according to the pattern you see, with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You. I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not perish…I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy.”

I recently asked my mom about it, and here’s what she had to say…

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I think that just about says it all.

My mother’s faith is something I will always be in awe of. So much power is packed into that petite woman. (She’s in the 5’2″ club!)

But I’ve said it before, I think so many times when we feel the most abandoned by God in a dire situation where we feel oppressed and unable to go on — it is in those moments that God is actually sustaining us. Carrying us through, moment to moment. And we can completely trust in that.

Last night, sitting in church getting stared down by the mural of the Divine Mercy, and feeling the giant weight of the post I was going to have to write…God came in with the final 1-2 punch.

The gospel was John 15:1-8. “I am the Vine, you are the branches.” We’ve all heard it 1000 times and can recite it in our sleep.

I am ten years strong in my recovery from anorexia. But if there’s one thing that I know, is that I cannot do this on my own. My recovery depends on the Vine.

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“Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own
unless it remains on the vine,
so neither can you unless you remain in Me.
I am the Vine, you are the branches.
Whoever remains in Me and I in him will bear much fruit,
because without Me you can do nothing.”

That is the “secret” to a long and lasting recovery. It’s not body positivity. It’s not positive mantras, adult coloring books, mindfulness or self-affirmations. It’s Jesus. Plain and simple: Remaining connected to the Vine, and showing up every single day to the fountain of Divine Mercy with open hands and an open heart.

Thank you to those who have bought my book, Bloom. It is my prayer that it can help keep you connected to the Vine, and help you open your heart to receive His love and mercy that were so transformative to my recovery.

Hope you have a great week, and I’ll see you Wednesday.

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240 thoughts on “Divine Mercy: Prayer through Pain”

  3. This is so inspiring … my mom was the one who set the way for us to be closer to God and I am sure she has special prayers for each one of us, my three other siblings.
    I am recovering from an injury myself and my faith is one thing that sustains me to keep pushing forward.

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    1. Gosh, thank you so much Dhidhak – I’m so glad you can relate. Hang in there. will pray for your recovery! Hugs and love xox

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  5. My dear friend,

    I am touched by your words and impressed by the behaviour of your mother – she had/has not only fully trust in God, but also in you. If we understand that we cannot even do one step alone, only our ego thinks it is the doer, then slowly slowly we can live in the Will of God as His instrument. God’s law of Mercy and Grace is wonderful and the more we absorb in Him in thankfulness, the more He takes care of us – He surely hears when His child’s soul cries with pain, asking for mercy and forgiveness.

    Thanks for sharing my friend and send dear greeting from my heart to your mom.
    From heart to heart
    Didi

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    1. Thank you so much Didi. Amen – we need God and His mercy. Thanks for your kind words. big hugs xo

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  6. Never be fearful of sharing, nothings too Churchy/religious to share, especially when we are called to share Jesus, easy for me to say though as I’m the same. I have so many questions about Catholicism, but I wont bore you with them, they maybe ones for God. your mum is an amazing human being, to go through that with faith and then to go through the recovery from a stroke, she’s an inspiration and I havent even met her!
    lots of love xxx

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    1. Thank you so much Benny, I really appreciate your encouraging words. Yes! She inspires me every day! Hugs and love xox

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  8. Yeah I think a mother’s prayers to God for her children are some of the most powerful on earth. St. Monica and St. Augustine being the prime example. It’s certainly something I’d look for in a woman who wants to be a mother.

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  10. This is one great article! I have a lot to respond with, which I posted this morning on Patreon. You and your mother remain in my prayers, and I trust you are well this morning!

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  12. I disagree. Success. Is really ambiguous rather faith even when its out of body like in your case, mother to daughter has a direction. Divinity when I’ve talked with theologians is like that I mean, faith becomes the frame of what one can do and success is the afterthought. Our current culture dictates success as a product, a medallion to purchase to ward off all failures. Faith is an afterthought. So. To really live a God first life rather than a “lifestyle” creates duality. I can see why the Amish and certain Jewish groups remain insular.

    Something lighter, I found your Mother Goose Club stuff. 💪😁 You’re singing voice is amazing, lots of confidence there. You can tell you’re in the moment.

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    1. Lots of powerful food for thought. And haha thanks so much! yes! I love MGC! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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      1. I grew up on Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. That was my jam when I could find a TV. My cousin was on Wallace and Ladmo a few times because my aunt worked in production.

        I was making coffee and the tough guys at work were wondering why I was watching “little kid shows.” 👌😂 That’s great. I’ll be reminded of this for like, all summer.

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  13. This post. It gave me chills, and brought tears to my eyes. I thought of my own mom, who prayed for me constantly when I was in the throes of my abusive relationship with John, from 2006-2010. I knew that Mom had been in an abusive marriage with her first husband in the 1970s. She graduated from college a semester early because she was so in love with Dan, and she wanted nothing more than to marry him. Luckily, they didn’t have any kids, and she was fortunate to escape when she did. He was definitely cheating on her, and he told her countless lies about their finances, and more. I don’t think he ever hit her, but if she hadn’t been with Dan, it’s likely she wouldn’t have met my dad, or had me. It’s funny how God’s timing is always perfect.

    With my relationship with John, she saw all the hallmarks of what she had gone through. She was absolutely terrified when I told her we were considering getting married (John actually had the wedding set purchased, and had originally planned to propose to me on August 8, 2010. I broke up with him on July 17th). It took me years to believe her, but I know, without a doubt, that our relationship is so much stronger now because we had similar, almost shared experiences.

    I’m incredibly grateful that she prayed for me so much all those years, even though there were so many times that I yelled, screamed, cried, and pushed her away. I still fill with shame when I think of the instance where John got it in my head, on a loop, that my mother was one of the laziest people on this Earth (absolutely, positively not true), and I felt compelled to tell her this, to her face. The look of hurt and pain on her face is something I’ve never forgotten. But, she never gave up on me, even when I had almost given up on her, and on God. I’m so incredibly thankful!!

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    1. Hi Laura Beth, thank you so much for this powerful response. It sounds like you have an amazing mom. Gosh, what a story. You’re so right – His timing is always perfect. Thank you so much for sharing this. You have gone through so much, and I am incredibly inspired by your courage and faith! Hugs and love xox

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      1. You’re so welcome! I do have an amazing mom. I try so hard to not take either of my parents for granted. I’m thrilled to share my story. You’re an incredible inspiration to me, too. XOXO

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  14. Your honesty is amazing and ministers to all of us in similar situations. And your faith and self-analysis is inspiring. As a mother of adult children, step-children, and grandchildren, a good part of my day is in prayer for them. Thank you for reminding me that our children feel those prayers.

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    1. Thank you so much Mary – Gosh, I am so touched by this. Yeah, I think the prayers of mothers have a special link to God’s ears 🙂 thank you so much for your kind words. big hugs to you x

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  15. Very encouraging and inspiring post! This is what we were created for….to share our stories so that someone else can be delivered and set free. And most importantly to give glory to God! I’m so glad you found the courage to share your story. There’s so many people who will be encouraged because of it! Thank you for sharing.

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  16. The Holy Spirit is truly a gift. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I love the Divine Mercy. I also love and recommend the “Litany of Trust”. A priest shared it with me and touched my heart.

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    1. Thank you so much Channel. Yes it is! I’ll have to look into the Litany of Trust! Hugs and love xox

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  17. When we are desperate or in need we discover a beautiful path and a beautiful strong faith within us all. Struggle and desperate times educate people to who they really are and re-connects them with the beautiful divine

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  18. Amazing post. Very inspiring. Thank you. I would add that we venerate Jesus himself rather than the image. But thank you so much for sharing a very real and raw glimpse of hope. This was very timely in my life. Thanks again.

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    1. Thank you so much Stacey! I really appreciate your kind words. Glad it resonated with you. Hugs and love xox

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  19. Thanks for the inspiration. Though my recovery is from something different, I was greatly encouraged by this post. God Bless

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  20. Thanks for sharing your devotion to Jesus Christ’s Divine Mercy & your mother’s courageous faith, Caralyn, that she obviously shares with you! This really touched my heart today. What a precious gift – the prayers of our mothers. Blessings & blogging hugs! 🌷🤗🌷

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    1. Thank you so much Virginia, for your kind words. I am so inspired by my mom’s faith and love. so glad this resonated with you! Hugs and love xox

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  21. I’m really glad you listened to God and were able to step out in faith and publish this post. Although I don’t agree with many of the Catholic Church’s way of doing things, I will always agree that a mother’s prayers do indeed have an impact on her children’s lives. Thank you again for being bold and posting this inspiring piece. God bless -Joy 🙂

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  22. Thanks for sharing! I admire your mom’s persistence in prayer. It is hard to watch your children fight for their lives, but she knew the battle was for your soul! She is inspiring!

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  25. Well done for being so open and honest about your deep faith! ❤️ A truly difficult thing to do in today’s world!!
    Lots of love and prayers,
    Edel xxx

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  26. Thank you so much for sharing your truth. It truly is Jesus. You have been an inspiration to me through the Holy Spirit. Sharing your blog with as many people I can.

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  27. So interesting that you posted about John 15 – Jesus being the vine. In my weekly Bible class we studied that very Scripture and that thought – abiding in Jesus Christ. Love your blogs.

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  28. Excellent post! I am so thankful you shared your “churchy” article. Someone…many someones need to hear your journey. Best to you!

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  29. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. I would have never made it through my tough trials without Jesus. Thanks for sharing! ❤️

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  32. “Not even disguised as a “prayer request.”
    Brilliant. There is a tendency to push our own thinking disguised as a message from God when more likely than not all we need to do is pray for the person. Mama’s wisdom amazing. And you talked about God being closest to is in our distress. Amen to that.

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    1. Thanks friend. There’s a lot of truth in that. Yes my mom is pretty awesome 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  35. God told St. Faustina that ‘MANKIND WILL NOT HAVE PEACE UNTIL IT TURNS WITH TRUST TO MY MERCY”
    (Sr. Faustina’s Diary, p.300)
    Pope John Paul II The Great Mercy Pope, gave us this image, As the great Mercy Pope, he wrote an encyclical on Divine Mercy: In his writings and homilies, he has described Divine Mercy as the answer to the world’s problems and the message of the third millennium. He beatified and canonized Sr. Maria Faustina Kowalska, the nun associated with the message, and he did it in Rome and not in Poland to underscore that Divine Mercy is for the whole world.

    Establishing Divine Mercy Sunday for the Entire Church
    When Pope John Paul canonized Sr. Faustina (making her St. Faustina), he also, on the same day, surprised the entire world by establishing Divine Mercy Sunday (the feast day associated with the message) as a feast day for the entire Church. The feast day falls on the Second Sunday of the Easter season. (Courtesy to the Marians of the Immaculate Conception)
    (http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message/johnpaul/ )

    I hope your post will bring others to the Divine Mercy Image. God bless Caralyn. ❤

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  37. This is beautiful! Thank you for your clear explanation of the Divine Mercy. And for writing out the I am the Vine bible verse. I haven’t thought of that in awhile, and it gives me so much strength. xx

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  38. Thanks for sharing. I too have a power-packed mum. 5ft nothing of sheer terror, I used to joke! Could sort out the Middle East with a look! But I so admire how she brought up 4 of us when she was left as a widow in her mid 30s. She took the promise that God would be a father to the orphan and protector of widows.

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  39. What a wonderful post! I think God is sending me subtle hints and piquing my curiosity in regards to the Divine Mercy over these past few months. The timing of your post is too coincidental so I will be asking our Father to guide me in this new journey of faith. Thank you!!

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  41. Thank you for this post! I love how you are so loud and proud Catholic. I love the Divine Mercy devotion and more importantly, I love Jesus the way you do 🙂

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  43. This resonates profoundly with me.

    One of the common presenting issues in hypnotherapy is anorexia nervosa, and often the cause is the idea that love is conditioned upon our behavior or qualities. The feedback system around that worry is that hunger and/or exercise produce endorphins that moderate the worry, so when the worry about appearance comes up again, the subconscious returns to hunger and exercise as the known controls for the worry.

    The priest showed marvelous insight in his choice of images: unconditional, divine love, regardless of past actions or current qualities.

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    1. Hi Brian, thank you so much for this response. I’m so glad it hit home with you. Yeah, the priest was – and is – one of our dear family friends. He’s a good man. Hugs and love xox

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  44. Good heavens, I read this post and realized I’ve been ignoring something great! I have the Divine Mercy image hanging up in my devotional space, St. Faustina’s book on my shelf, I keep a rosary in my pocket, and yet I’ve been completely ignoring this life-saving devotion during my current issue with depression. I think if ever was a good time to dust off St. Faustina’s book, it’s now. Thank you for the wonderful post.

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  45. I also pray and ask God to help me to write my posts. I seek his will, his direction, and then continue to pray and make sure I’m still following his will, his direction, and I make adjustments accordingly.

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      1. Definitely a great editor! You can be following his will and direction then find yourself veering off course and be guided back into the direction the Spirit is leading. You can have zeal like Saul of Tarsus but not according to knowledge. Thinking you are following the Spirit of God only to find yourself corrected by the Spirit of God “And when we were all fallen to the earth, I heard a voice speaking unto me, and saying in the Hebrew tongue, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks. And I said, Who art thou, Lord? And he said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest.” (Acts 26:14-15)

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  46. I’m so glad you responded to the ‘nudge’ to write about The Image of Divine Mercy, and the Vine & the branches – I’m finding both themes really helpful…

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  47. Thank you for popping by Halieus Media and for this courageous post. You indeed were being pushed to write from my perspective; your obedience has born much fruit already! Your experience in a broader sense mirrors mine with my own mother and later with one of my children. I will admit it was hard for me to read but only because the post was overladen with my own similar experiences.
    Cherish your mom, as you surely do. I wish you all peace and grace.

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  48. Every time I read your posts I get tears in my eyes. Your faith in God and your recovery are something that I admire and aspire too. I, myself, am in recovery for addiction to alcohol. Though I have been sober since 2001 I can relate to your posts and I still feel the pain of first getting sober and the things I put my parents through. It hurts my heart what I have done but it’s not who I am anymore by the grace of God. Thank you for keep me connected and grounded not only in my own program but in the catholic faith which is a huge part of my recovery. I wish I knew these things when I was your age.

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    1. Oh gosh what a kind thing to say. Thank you Adrian. And thank you for sharing your story. Keep on keeping on warrior. Hugs and love xox

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