Warning: Tonight, I’m going to be writing about the four-letter “P-Word” that makes everyone squirm.
Porn.
I read a really scary statistic today. It said that for just one porn site, 81 million people visit it per day. Per DAY! 81 million people! And that’s for just one of the thousands of websites out there. That’s close to 30 billion visits per year.
Does that shock anyone else?
I heard it and nearly fell out of my chair.
I’m going to share something with you that may be surprising.
I’ve never actually seen porn.
Sure, I’ve had those spammy pop up ads aggressively attack my computer screen, but I’ve been so startled that I just click out and try not to burn my retinas.
But just because I don’t watch it, doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions about it.
And spoiler alert…I have a lot of them.
But first, I want to start out by saying that, just because I don’t struggle with porn addiction doesn’t make me a saint. You know my history – during my anorexia I lied, manipulated, lashed out and deceived like a veritable deviant. So just because my browser history is clean doesn’t mean my past record is. So please don’t read this from a “holier than thou” standpoint. I am in no way judging what is a very real struggle for a lot of people.
We’re in a sad sad state of reality these days. Yes, that statistic was jarring, but let’s be honest…was anyone really *that* surprised?
Because frankly, I wasn’t.
Being a twenty-something single in the dating scene, it’s pretty much a well-known fact that every guy watches porn. Not just sometimes. On a regular basis.
That, is the heart-sinking state of our generation.
And the worst part? Is that it’s not even considered sad or even taboo. Porn is not something that people are even blinking an eye at anymore…it’s considered normal. Heck, what’s abnormal, or even something to be ashamed of, is if you’re a single guy and NOT looking at porn.
Now, I want to pause and say that I know that porn addiction is definitely something that women struggle with too. And I don’t want to diminish that either.
But this is simply from the perspective of a single young woman, navigating the dating pool of young men, most of whom regularly consume pornographic material.
I am a virgin. You know this. I’m not ashamed of it. In truth, I celebrate the fact that I will be able to give that gift to my husband one day.
And even though I feel incredibly mocked and laughed at and judged by society for that decision, I completely respect other people’s decisions when it comes to their love life. To each his own. No judgement here.
But obviously, there is a lot about sex that I don’t know. Not only from lack of experience, (duh!) but also – I am not well versed in “porn.” And honestly, thank God for that.
But I think that’s how a lot of kids get into porn. A curiosity of the “how to,” logistical aspect of sex leads them into the dark world of porn, where they’re exposed to aggressive sexual behavior and twisted fetishes and down the rabbit hole it goes. Couple that with an obsession with the behavior one typically partakes in while watching porn, it’s no wonder that so many people struggle with a true addiction to it.
I’m going to be honest: knowing that my future husband will have most likely watched porn, it terrifies me. Not from a judgement standpoint. Or from a fearing-for-the-state-of-his-soul standpoint. But honestly…from the state of an insecure girl, fearing that I will never be “enough” for him.
Sex is a beautiful thing. I mean, the very first commandment God gave Adam and Eve was to “Be fruitful and multiply.” And he wasn’t talking about tending the Garden of Eden, either.
It is the most intimate expression of love. And the thing about porn, is that it has taken that good and beautiful thing, and stripped it of its dignity and purpose (love and procreation), and deduces it to a brash tool to be used for selfish gain.
It literally objectifies women, and perverts a sacred union between man and woman, in order to satiate the lustful appetite the porn industry, and society, are pandering to at a younger and younger age.
This isn’t some book report on the harmful effects of porn. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to realize that, Yeah, if guys watch super sexually aggressive porn, they’re more likely to act out aggressively. Or that, Hey, if guys spend hours and hours in front of porn, that they’re not going to perform as well in person. Or that, Yeah – the porn industry is one of the leading perpetrators of human trafficking. Those are sadly common sense. And I’m not here to bore you with stats and figures.
This is about me damnit.
Just kidding.
But how is a girl supposed to compete with that?
How is a virgin supposed to compete with the fake boobed, fake lipped, butt implanted, false eyelashed, oiled up, plastically reconstructed, porn stars?
Not that I want to, but it just…I’m going to feel like a cloistered nun taking off her chastity belt and screwing in a long-sleeved, turtle neck night gown. Not exactly the look you’re going for on your wedding night.
Porn is killing love.
But more than that, it is killing our dignity as children of God.
Because that’s the thing: we were created to love and be loved. God is love. And has placed in us the incredible desire to be seen fully, and loved fully. We were made to be cherished, as a refection of His beauty, and expression of His craftsmanship. And as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are to respect one another and protect and defend the dignity we all possess as children of God. That is what love is: wanting the best for someone else. Porn does the exact opposite of all those things: exploiting one another for our own pleasure.
In my research for this post, I found out about an incredible resource for those struggling with porn addiction. It’s called Covenant Eyes. It was recommended by Fr. Mike Schmitz. Basically it’s an accountability software that, once or twice a week, emails your browser history to a trusted friend in your life: your accountability partner.
One thing I learned in my recovery from another type of addiction: anorexia, is that addiction thrives in secrecy. But it cannot exist in the light. So I pray that if you or a loved one is struggling with porn addiction, that you a) know that God loves you no matter what, and wants to help you break this cycle of addiction. And b) you can shine a big ol’ spotlight on this darkness, and root it out once and for all.
Because we were created by love, for love.
Let’s not let porn kill love.
This post was made possible by my wonderful sponsor, Audible
And if you’re looking for more resources on this topic, why not listen to the Audible audiobook, The Porn Myth by Matt Fradd. It’s an incredible resource, written by a faithful man, presenting a non-religious argument debunking the myths we believe about porn. I listened to a bunch of his podcasts in prep for this post and they are so powerful! (And all the proceeds of his book go to the charity, Children of the Immaculate Heart, which helps support survivors of human trafficking).
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BeautyBeyondBones 
I keep thinking I’m not going to keep commenting on your blog – you probably get tired of me. But your honesty and your willingness to address this topic – thank you. This is a serious problem. But in counseling young couples over the years I believe when true love and honesty is a part of the relationship – you will be more than enough for your husband.
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Haha i love your comments Barbara!! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Hugs and love xox
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Most of the people who watch porn (which is most teens and adults) do not have a porn addiction and are not necessarily risking porn addiction by watching it.
Porn actors are not undignified or immoral or unethical, and neither is the act of watching porn.
It is very common that couples improve their sex life by watching porn together.
Is the acting usually sub par? Sure, does that make it dirty or dishonorable to engage in filming or watching it? Of course not.
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I applaud your courage in taking on this topic. Well said.
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From my honest opinion, porn is overrated way too much. In Eden we hear the couple were naked. And nothing much was read into this. Naked come we into this world and naked do we leave this world. If naked equates to porn, it is then out of curiosity that a person seeks to learn what others look like, especially those of the opposite sex, and pretty much natural, I’d dare say as ordained at creation.
Our broken down society is the problem, which denies the youth what their time and curiosity demands. Instead of letting them marry at the ideal ages, to mettle down their curiosity and desires in sacred matrimony, we burden them with economic and social targets that are impossible to achieve.
Some societies in the world live without clothes, and whereas I can’t vouch for the integrity of their social norms, I bet no one would crave after the nakedness of their father, mother, sister or brother…
If a person walked naked in the streets, guess people try hard to avoid glaring at their nakedness, and suppose such persons to be naked. Yet, when the same is done online, the effects of naked madness has the opposite effect of attracting viewers. It’s a convoluted system, when the idols in society undress as mad people, the entire world gazes at them in admiration, rather than calling them out for their madness.
I personally am grateful to the devil, for making pornography what it is today, the wrothful and revolting enterprise which anyone in their natural senses should find so. What is actually in porn nowadays is mainly the unnatural and demonic suggestions, which they are trying hard to sell to the world, but which anyone may well observe are indeed eschewable and without any benefits. All modern porn is actually far estranged from the natural sexual gratification. It is a mighty surprise that anyone should drool on, or consider trying any of these artificial and unnatural acts.
It is perhaps from this deception that the institute of marriage is failing, when people borrow these ‘acted’ scenes and suppose they would find any joy in trying them out.
Lastly, our dressing in society is questionable, where indeed, the latest trends are an attempt to achieve as much nakedness as possible. We a need to arise above the porn poem in our streets, by attaining our inner self to indifference to the nakedness that is all around us, for after all, we ain’t beasts but beings of conscience.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this John. Yeah the evil one is definitely having a field day with that industry, that’s for sure. Hugs and love xox
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Excellent write up on one of those topics that no one wants to talk about. It strikes me as kind of odd about the statistical craziness of this very big addiction. It’s amazing at how really widespread it is. Not all men watch porn though, I have watched it before but it’s not a big thing for me personally. I know of people, men and women that have bad ass addictions to it. It is sad how it controls and ruins the lives of so many people. Porn is known to destroy relationships, just as drugs or alcohol have done. Anyway excellent write up on a difficult topic!
Johne
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thank you so much Johne, for sharing your thoughts on this. you’re right – it definitely is a destroyer. Hugs and love xox
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What amazes me and makes me grateful for your posts is how you crush it every time. Pardon the sports metaphors, but you’re delivering mature insights and commentary on things that constitute the underbelly of this culture. And you do it from a youthful yet mature perspective. It’s refreshing to see that you are someone who has not wasted perfectly good suffering by emerging from it unchanged, but you’ve been changed for the better. Thank you.
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Oh my gosh you’re too kind! Thank you so much for such generous words. I am truly touched. Big hugs to you xox
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Thanks for sharing. God has been really working on me, and showing me things. I feel the problem is that, one, men have to choose to remove whatever is causing the temptation,two, take action on what has been holding us back from a satisfactory life, and three, practice our role as men, meaning become the man a lady needs, make a commitment on who you want to marry or who is a good prospect, and kind of live our life in a way that she would be happy which is faithful even when no one is looking
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Thanks so much Bill for sharing your thoughts on this. Yes – removing the cause of the temptation! Hugs and love xox
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I have watched porn, and when I was in college – a lot. While it did give some vicarious pleasure at the time, it did tend to deaden us. For a while, we all had this complex – that we would never be as “big” as the men, or stay in “performance mode” for so long! Or, how we would ever satisfy this legion of insatiable women
Many of my classmates are still into it, and I feel like saying – guys grow up!
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Thanks for sharing your insight on this. Unrealistic standards. Just like the beauty industry. Hugs and love xox
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Well, I do landscape, street/travel and portrait photography. I do portraiture, because I like to shoot ‘real’ people, with their character pluses and minuses.
The airbrushed beauty look leaves me cold. Very cold
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Same here. I love authenticity.
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“Porn kills love.” This is spot on and the key problem with porn. You are very lucky and blessed to not have fallen into viewing such filth. You have a good sense of what practicing the Christian faith means. I didn’t have that in childhood or early twenties, and I made mistakes. Porn ruins relationships, yes, as you said. It causes heartache and misery. Truly, I hate it and consider it demonic. Anything that causes division and loss of love between people is of the evil one, not God. I can totally understand how you are feeling…your concerns of dating men and wondering how you’ll measure up when porn is so prevalent and what men expect from women because of what many men view as “normal” sexual behavior and acts (it’s distorted as we know). But I’m proud of you for not allowing that worry to overtake your noble and virtuous commitment. Staying away from things that darken the soul and staying close to God is the most important part of our journey as Christians on the path toward transformation and total union with God. Thanks for a beautiful, crucial, and deeply honest post.
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Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. And thank you for your encouragement. Hugs and love xox
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You’re welcome! xxx ooo back atcha. 🙂
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✨💛✨
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Hello 3B. I applaud your courage and wrote you a post scheduled for 6 July, but here’s the synopsis. Your value, and the value you bring to your future mate, has nothing to do with sex, but with commitment. All the best.
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Thanks friend. Wow sounds like a powerful post! And dang! Look at you scheduling and being organized. I write all my posts the day of! Hahahahahha I should really take a page out of your book. Lol Hugs and love xox
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Great post! Porn is a love killer and I think more conversations need to be had about it’s destructive consequences, especially amongst Christians. Thank you for sharing.
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Thanks Chrystal. Amen to that. More convos! Hugs and love xox
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Great perspective! I love how vulnerable you are in voicing your fears of “living up to the hype” of porn on your wedding night – I struggle with the same thing! So well written!
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate your support. This was a tough post to push publish on! Hugs and love xox
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Well said. Period.
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Thanks Eric. Hugs and love xox
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Thanks for being brave and writing about this and your journey (I know: You have been doing brave for a long time 🙂 ). I just had the opportunity to hear the author of the Porn Myth inteviewed via podcast. Great guy and spot on. And you never now: God may have a husband for you as committed to purity as you are. Just watch.
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Thanks again friend. You’re right – God’s got a plan 🙂 Hugs and love xox
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Not a clue how this happened, but I’ve somehow gone directly from Virgin Shaming to Porn Perspective…? lol… anyway, the common theme I noticed was a concern about not being “enough” or not being “good” at something within your relationship. And that, is where most people fail in a relationship in my humble opinion, so I wanted to offer this:
I can see you and I live in completely different worlds. However; Communication is key to connecting with others anywhere on the planet in any culture. Communication is the very root of any intimate relationship to me. It’s about learning and doing. You learn each other together, you do for one another, together. You learn likes/dislikes, wants/needs, and if you’ve got a true understanding of love and follow the plan of “give and give” instead of “give and take”… you’ll never have a problem. Learning to give of yourself to/for someone extends from just sitting quietly together when needed to the most intimate and private things you can imagine- and it’s all the same if your cooking up something in the kitchen or cooking up something in the bedroom. You learn together. You teach together. Trial and error is the most fun you’ll ever have in life if you’ve opened yourself up completely to each other in ALL aspects of life together. You build what you want and need in every aspect of life…. together. No secrets. No taboos. You tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine, and that’s when we’ll both, get along fine. 😉 When you reach the point of marriage- there should be nothing (ethical, lol) that isn’t on the table for discussion and/or experimentation to see if it’s something you want in your lives. It’s about caring enough to do for someone else by giving without expectation. I give because it pleases me to please you, and vice versa, leaving no need to take anything from anyone. When in doubt- We ask. We suggest. We offer alternatives. And, we give it a try together to learn, and never as something we feel ‘forced’ to do because we ‘owe’ our mate. We don’t owe each other anything. We choose to be there or we don’t. We choose to give or we don’t. And if someone chooses to be there and is fulfilling 90% of your wants and needs, (because no one is perfect), and you’re willing to do the same in return, then I’d say you’ve both won the grand prize in life.
There was a time when you weren’t even good at using the bathroom until someone took the time and cared enough to show you how, right? It’s the same with anything else if you find someone that is ready and able to handle the kind of commitment and self sacrifice that’s required in marriage.
You’re an awesome person with a beautiful heart, and more than good enough just as you are. Every day is a chance to learn, grow, and become better at everything. Sawa-sawa, hakuna matata, et cetera!
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Hahaha oh boy what a jump! I agree – communication is key. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! Hugs and love xox
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yes. I love the recommended site that emails a covenant friend. What an excellent resource. Your stats didn’t surprise me but sickened me. It also shows me how lost we are as a culture. Those stats say we’ve lost the real deal. We are stuck in fantasy. People talk of sexual thrills, but actually, they’ve lost what love means. I’ve helped guys get free. I’ve watched as Jesus has met their pain and healed their hearts. But it is a brain wiring issue that is tough to deal with. Wired for Intimacy by Struthers is an excellent resource as well that describes the brain’s response to porn and how viewing it rewires thinking. You keep speaking!
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Thanks friend. You’re so right – we’ve lost what love means. Amen – Jesus is the ultimate healer. Thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox
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Thee is a great group study out there called a a man and his marriage and they do a great job of addressing this : it is found out on https://www.authenticmanhood.com/a-man-and-his-marriage-preview/
It really helped me with this topic and helps me talk to my boys and other men I lead around it because the study is not just about this piece but the whole approach to relationships you allude to in your post.
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Thanks for passing that along. Sounds like an interesting study. Hugs and love xox
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Great post! Aside from the effects of porn watching on individual viewers, the porn industry requires participants—not all of them willing. I watched porn for a short while years ago, but was uncomfortable with it—I couldn’t help contemplating whether or not the women were there voluntarily, as some of them didn’t seem to be enjoying it. And as you pointed out, trafficking in women for the sex trade is rampant. I also was offended by the boorish behavior of the men toward the women. Like you said, it objectifies them.
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Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with this. You’re right – it is rampant and just devastating. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox
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Hi I am new to blogging. I think think that this was bold of you to post this and you should be proud of your faith in doing so. I look forward to seeing more of your posts.
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Hi Christy! Thanks so much 🙂 Hugs and love xox
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“Being a twenty-something single in the dating scene, it’s pretty much a well-known fact that every guy watches porn. Not just sometimes. On a regular basis.”
Reading this part made me proud of myself ( twenty-something single guy who doesn’t watch porn)
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Thanks so much for sharing that! Rock on friend!! Hugs and love xox
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This is a very thoughtful reflection on pornography, and it is interesting to see how it is perceived by a woman. Watching pornography is a grave mistake: it is enslaving, tormenting, and addictive. The only way to win the battle is through a total redirection of the mind, a reworking of one’s habits, and help from loved ones who won’t judge but who will focus on helping.
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And much prayer and Bible reading.
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Yes
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Thank you Marcelo. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on it. I agree. Hugs and love xox
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Your openness becomes you.
After reading your post, I worry that everyone who meets me will assume I watch porn. I do not, have not, not interested in fake love, which has never appealed to me. The feelings of real love make sex and expression, not an end in itself. I have a wonderful passionate wife who loves me above all others. I am the same for her. Hard to be patient. At least your temptations are not from experience. My wife was a nun when we reconnected. I thought of how devout you are, and your lifestyle is relatively sinless as a virgin. My wife said that her life as a nun was peaceful and fulfilling. After all, she was married to Jesus.
If marriage and children are your heart’s desire, stay the course. If you never entertained it. Talk to some sisters about what their lives are like. It is not nearly so restrictive as some think. Plus each order has its own viewpoint and structure. Some are cloistered, others meet and a pub when they want a beer. Not pushing, I would not have thought of it if my wife had not lived it. The Church was happy for my wife; marital love and spiritual love are balanced on their scales.
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Hi Von, thank you so much for sharing this. wow – your wife has an incredible story. i definitely will 🙂 Hugs and love xox
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Hi there!
The comment section isn’t that comfortable to write in, so, https://konnexxion.net/2018/05/23/lets-talk-about-sex-baby/ here you go! My ‘comment’ and thoughts on this post you’ve written 🙂
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Thanks for sharing your thought Daniel! Hugs and love xox
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I am not a fan of porn. I have learn that it causes problems in a marriage. I wonder what they have that I do not. Why does my husband prefer to watch that so often, when I am in the other room?
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Yeah it definitely causes those feelings and insecurities for sure. Sending so much love xox
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Once again I am stunned and honored that someone as talented, strong, and brave as you takes time to ponder my missives on Temporary Sanity. Thank you for that. And, thank you for reporting on such a sensitive subject in such a direct manner. Your words are powerful. Peace & Love to you.
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Thank you so much Jerrie. Hugs and love xox
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So proud of you BBB! It’s been wonderful to watch you grow through your blogging! As usual you are spot on with this post about porn! Thank you!
When God places the right man in your life to marry come on out to Vegas! I’ll be honored to officiate!!
Keep up the great impact you are having!
Laugh Often and Fear Not!
David!
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Thank you David. What a kind note of encouragement. And haha I may have to take you up on that! Hugs and love xox
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Yes porn kills love because the perspective of love in mainstram media is something entirely based on lust. Every romantic movie i watch, i notice how perfectly good looking the main actors are (except for Shrek which I love so much for this reason :D) Also it is strange how people find love according to their sexual orientation. It is expected to see a homosexual fall in love with the same gender!!!!
So my conclusion is that “yes porn destroys love” but it is not a problem of porn. But it is a problem of love’s perspective and what we are searching for in our partener.
Note: Socrates/Plato had a different yet interesting view of love that maybe shocking for us nowadays in his Symposiam dialogue. I believe many other philosophers had different point of views about it but hardly found in mainstram media.
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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. lot’s of food for thought here! Hugs and love xox
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https://youtu.be/Al9u1lal6KY Enjoy watching this short movie when you have time. Hugs and love to you for the messages you are spreading 🙂 keep going (Y)
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Sure thanks x
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Don’t worry girl, being virgin in India is considered a good thing for girls. Although a double standard I think, because men can sleep with whoever the want and all that is said is ‘boys will be boys’ where as woman will be called slut if they do so. While I agree that porn definitely kills the concept of love but at the same time in culture like India where sex talk is a taboo, porn has become more of a repressed souls answer. You and I choose to not have sex with anyone but the person we marry but that is our choice. Whereas in a lot of countries that may not be the case. There is no choice as sex is a taboo before marriage and I guess porn then becomes like any other fictional book which lets you live a life not given to you. It’s really sad but unfortunately nothing else can be done.
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I’ve read some studies about how porn discourages some men (and women) from actually going out and talking to people for dates. “Why bother when there’s so many hot women who I can pleasure myself over is” the thought process. And porn can give people the wrong impression about sex. But I don’t think porn can ruin love. It can never imitate the intimacy of two lovers, or the pleasure of connecting with someone who understands you. I watched porn regularly when I was a virgin, but when I started getting old enough to start dating, porn really didn’t hold my interest like it used to.
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Porn is Lust in disguise appealing to our base nature, which ought to die when we die to self
But sadly self – indulgence all too often gets the better of us
I admire you for keeping pure (virgin) so you can give yourself completely to your future husband
Pity most men including myself, fail to even attempt such purity
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You’re so right about that. thank you so much Graham for the encouragement. it really means a lot. Hugs and love xox
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As a male who has recently come to terms with his porn addiction, and made the decision to change, I can attest that all your points are indeed true, and need to be heard by the masses if the societal aspect is ever going to change. Great post, and fantastic blog. Keep up the good work!
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Thanks for speaking up and speaking out. Virtue and purity are to be celebrated as is the knowledge that we are children of God. I love this statement that sums up what counts–Have a beautiful day.
WE ARE DAUGHTERS of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. WE WILL “STAND as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places” (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:
Faith • Divine Nature • Individual Worth • Knowledge • Choice and Accountability • Good Works • Integrity • and Virtue
WE BELIEVE as we come to accept and act upon these values, WE WILL BE PREPARED to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.
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Than you so much for sharing your thoughts on this topic. Amen! we really are God’s children, and with that incredible fact comes incredible joy – and also responsibility. Hugs and love xox
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No, I am not surprised by the porn watching figures you report. However, I do dispute one point you made early and that is, being in the demographic of a dating female, and stating that it’s pretty much a well-known fact that every guy watches porn is a lofty statement. Not just sometimes. On a regular basis. I would have to disagree that every guy is on a regular basis with his porn watching. Maybe in your experience or in your plausibility structure, but it certainly is not that way in either of mine.
Another critical statement that comes to mind is “Couple that with an obsession with the behavior one typically partakes in while watching porn, it’s no wonder that so many people struggle with a true addiction to it.” As for me there are a lot of assumptions made there and I believe your article would have far more creditability if there was an attempt as factual information.
“But honestly…from the state of an insecure girl, fearing that I will never be “enough” for him.” I believe that this type of insecurity comes from your perspective, ergo your own personal feeling or better still what you do not know about porn.
Hence, “It literally objectifies women, and perverts a sacred union between man and woman, in order to satiate the lustful appetite, the porn industry, and society, are pandering to at a younger and younger age. I think that your Garden of Eden example was tremendous. However, porn does not objectify women or in most cases does not pervert a sacred union. My contention is that the objectification issue has no place in this article or even the perversion of a union.
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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I’m hope you’re right about that! You’re right – blanket generalizations do nothing but potentially hurt people, so I’m sorry for that statement. So glad you stopped by. Hugs and love xox
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Dear”sofarbeyondbeautybeyondbones: This is an issue that I wasn’t able to draw attention to, or give as much mention as this issue deserves. Pornography is porn as much as it is two individuals having an exhibitionist moment. Again, porn is porn however it is defined. It may be a good exercise to visit just the homepage at a porn site. Every site I have seen, not by search mind you, but it appears as though hackers of all kinds do what they can do to get “hacking” information, I hope that clears that up for our communications.
I think that it is important to check out the “categories” menu at a porn site. If not, I have a suggestion or idea box among your 6,000 plus followers or especially your loyal commenters to assist you with these “category” ideas.
I firmly believe that the type of porn people you address in your article are in fact, those people who end up going and subscribing to areas (very twisted) on these lists.
Another matter in which I find interesting. It seems as though the amount of people on death row or those who have killed females and are receiving their court ordered sentencing are without question addicted to hard-core porn. One source I have (60 Minutes) reports that over 96% of those on death row were somehow abused into a life of pornography at a young age.
Lastly, just like your other followers, I too commend you on the life you have chosen. If for some reason that were to go array, please don’t overly crucify yourself or live like you’ve created the biggest sin on earth. Simply because you have not. God tells us in his word that there is no one sin bigger than the rest…in other words they are all the same in His eyes.
Btw, beyond question the most important notion I could ever possibly mention to you is do not be afraid of being good enough for your future husband. Like everything else in life, I would want my wife, to be as open and honest with me in every way imaginable. Just so you know, I married my best-friend who just happens to be 18-years my junior and she had the exact same worries. For men who are reading this, it is important to tell your lady just how good they really are and how much you appreciate their kindness and warmth, and their eagerness to want to please you. So make sure you get after it AND make sure she is pleased, no matter what the cost. Hear me?
May the bless you and yours,
Paul
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Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. Lots of powerful food for thought, Paul. Hugs and love xox
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So let me get this right. Others sit in judgement or you feel guilty about not just giving up your most prized possession which is you! First of all those folks who put pressure on you don’t have to live with the consequences. When I look at my sexual activity ( around the time of Noah) it is truly one of my deepest regrets in life the hurt I caused others. Back in those days when you wanted to look at Playboy it took some effort. Now it’s one click away. on FB I have a small group called Maintenance Help For Women. The other day I was looking for parts of a roof called flashing. Well when I typed that on Google images you know what I got. Always keep in mind that as you go through life the only person throughout all of iit is you. People come and go and they don’t have to live with the consequences you do. If he truly loves you he will be open and honest about it. If not move on. It’s nonsense when men use the old thing about boys will be boys. Sadly the odds are that your future mate could have done some of the concerns you have. You can’t change that but you can control how you handle things as they progress. If you are not that special to him and he does not respect you then he isn’t for you. A little secret about some previous generations. There are untold millions who have had unprotected sex and they just got lucky that something unforeseen didn’t happen
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You are incredibly wise and brave. Good for you keeping yourself for your husband. That is a gift that can only be given once. And you are entirely right about porn. For every good gift God creates – sex in marriage – the enemy comes along with a counterfeit – like lust and porn instead of love and romance. God bless you.
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Thank you Stephanie. I really appreciate your support. Hugs and love xox
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Thank you for writing about this issue. Any how we look at it, porn is not good for a child of God to watch. The context of it is all wrong…
God calls us Christians to sexual purity. But porn promotes premarital and extramarital sexual activities – the very things God says we shouldn’t be involved with.
As per keeping your virginity till now ( till you are married), let me say congratulations. No matter what people say or the pressure you might be facing as a result of this choice of yours, be rest assured you are doing the right thing.
And whatever kind of husband you want (even a virgin!), you can trust God to send him your way. I can bear witness from my own experience that God answers that kind of prayer too.
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Thanks Victor. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. Thank you for the wonderful encouragement. I do trust God with my future! 🙂 Hugs and love xox
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Beautifully written (Y) , nothing is too difficult for God’s grace to restore everything that’s broken
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Thank you so much for stopping by. amen! God’s grace is all powerful!!
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You are very beautiful inside and outside and the man you are saving yourself for is very lucky. Don’t compare yourself – instead remember how great and unique you are.
great post 😊
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Thanks Hels, I appreciate that. Hugs and love xox
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Our enemy is ruthless in dragging what is most beautiful through his mud, and many of us along with it who never become cleansed. The “Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power.” As true Christians we must take hold of that power and never let go. I am blessed to have been cleansed of it some years ago. But our human nature can remain vulnerable.
Thank you for your wonderful voice of honesty and truth.
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Yes he definitely is. Thank you Gary for sharing your thoughts on this. Hugs and love xox
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Thank you for posting about this. It’s an important conversation to have. I used to write horror porn – really twisted stuff. It affected my brain and I’m sure it affected the brains of the people who read it. Many of them would comment on how at first they thought what I wrote was too dark and twisted to enjoy but then they started to like it and would integrate it into their fantasy lives. It disgusts me looking back on it.
Oh, and thanks for visiting my blog. My current WIP is partly dealing with the aftermath of writing those dark, twisted stories.
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Thank you so much for your support Thomas. I appreciate you sharing your perspective on this. Yeah it definitely can deep into daily life. Hugs and love xox
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I just want to encourage you #beautybeyondbones, continue in your obedience. Remember Adam and Eve didn’t have anyone to help them get sex right except God himself and we have the same God. We don’t need anyone else. He has made us just right for sex, if we have any questions about it, even while we’re in the middle of it with our husbands or wives we just have to pray and ask. God won’t be shocked he knows you’re having sex anyway, it’s no surprise to him if your body is his temple. So include him when you do find a husband.
As someone who has dealt with a porn addiction I just wanted to encourage the people who are trying to give up porn but finding it hard, to wait on the Lord. If we rush around casting out our demons but never stop to refill with God’s Spirit we will simply rush headlong into more demons. God wants us to wait for Him, let Him renew our strength. He wants us to stand firm and then he wants us to get up and walk forward holding on to the truth, run and leave the past behind.
We can do it. We can not-give-in-to-temptation. We can have self-control. The doing is quite simple. The problem is our willingness to actually do it; to obey; to engage the Holy Spirit on our behalf; to step out in faith.
I encourage you in your obedience. It may not look like it but, whenever we are called to obey, God has a gift to give us. Whenever I have walked away from temptation and into obedience, all kinds of things, things I could never have even dreamed, have opened up. God loves us to obey because he has so much more for us. For the people stuck in porn I encourage them that God has a secret life for you that is so much better than the secret life you’ve got for yourself. He has so much more than the devil has to offer. He had more than all the kingdoms of the earth for Jesus. He knows the good he has prepared for those who love him. We just have to obey and step into it.
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Thank you so much Lauren for sharing your thoughts on this. Such wisdom there – we’ve gotta refill with God’s Spirit! Hugs and love xox
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I know you have received hundreds of comments and I don’t expect you to acknowledge mine, but please know that what you are doing is very worthwhile and this post was awesome. You are awesome. This ministry is awesome. There. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Keep being you.
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Thank you so much David for your support and kind words. Seriously, it means the world. YOU are awesome !!! 🙂 Hugs and love xox
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Powerful! Thank you for sharing this and for your honesty. I had no idea of the prevalence among the young men in your generation. And the statistic about that one site? Frightening, to say the least. I pray you’ll meet a man someday who values your choices and sees this issue the same way you do. I guarantee you, there are men like that. They’re just getting harder to find.
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Thank you for posting about this. My own recovery from porn addiction was greatly helped by Fortify (joinfortify.com)…in addition to the accountability features, it also features a 12-week, guided ‘training program’ that goes into detail about the science of porn addiction, how to make changes to our environment and lifestyle that remove us from places of vulnerability, how to recognize where we are in the addiction cycle (and step out), and how to handle the urge to use and deal with withdrawal effects.
It is really sad that this is as big of a problem as it is in our society, but “where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.” In my own journey of recovery, I came to know my own poverty and nothingness, which led to a much deeper understanding of God. Addiction can be a source of grace, and an epidemic like porn can be the source of great conversion. All of that is to say that there is hope in the midst of ugliness…and hopefully your future husband will be somebody (if he has struggled with porn) who has allowed that addiction to transform him into a deeper, more prayerful, man, who has learned to depend upon God for each breath.
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. That resource sounds incredible. Grace abounds all the more – amen to that!!! Hugs and love xox
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I would like to comment on this:
“I’m going to be honest: knowing that my future husband will have most likely watched porn, it terrifies me. Not from a judgement standpoint. Or from a fearing-for-the-state-of-his-soul standpoint. But honestly…from the state of an insecure girl, fearing that I will never be “enough” for him.”
When my husband and I were dating, he told me of his past pornography addiction and how many people he had been with. Before we met, I made a vow I would never marry any man who struggled with pornography. I didn’t want to be hurt and I told him that. This crushed his spirit. It was because I was absolutely terrified.
Well, I obviously married him despite his past. He is a good man and a wonderful husband.
Just today, I explained to my husband how I struggle with not feeling like I will be enough for him. I explained to him thats why I fear pornography. Pornography screams that I won’t ever measure up, and it does exploit a women and objectifies her. I would feel violated and objectified too.
Just today, I had to ask him if that ever became a problem in my marriage- would he tell me? He said yes. At this point I have to trust God.
And so do you. I understand why it terrifies you. I struggle with reading up on pornography addiction and victimization every day- even though its not happening in my own marriage! Its like I am preparing myself for what I think is inevitable. So sad! I don’t want that projected onto my husband. Men need to be believed in.
It may be hard, but you must have that conversation with the man you are serious with. And when he is honest you have to forgive him, because it does hurt. The enemy will try to place fear and doubt in your heart. About you, and about the man you love (when the time comes).
I am just barely walking that journey of healing. I don’t understand why good men fall into pornography. I am a women. Not a man. I see from a women’s prospective and I see the devastating effects it has on women.
I have been gripped in fear that my husbands pornography addiction has an influence in our intimacy. Fear has robbed me. DO NOT let it rob you. It does you NO good.
Only God can show both of us the truth and give us courage.
Hannah M.
Thank you for the post.
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Hi Hannah, gosh thank you so much for sharing this with me. I’m so glad that you’re on that journey of healing and it sounds like your husband is an incredible Man. And it sounds like your communication is something to be celebrated. Amen – God is in control and with Him there is always healing 🙂 praying for you! Hugs and love xox
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Porn is such a HUGE deal in our society as you have pointed out and from what I’ve learned. All of these stats on porn are just so sad. I have been wanting to write a post on Journey To Awareness about porn really soon. Stay tuned there so you can read what I have learned about porn. Thank you for talking about this difficult subject. Sometimes what is taboo to talk about is what we need to hear the most.
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Thank you Rea! I so agree – we need to be talking about this. Hugs and love xox
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[…] sexual world, I dedicate this blog to my friend at BeautyBeyondBones. Her May 2018 post, “Porn: A Virgin’s Perspective,” is delightful. It’s refreshing to know a young, attractive and talented women who […]
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Thanks for the link up! Hugs and love xox
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[…] are three things that, much like my virginity, I will not be budging […]
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my wife story… hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for 7years without no issue. my husband has been tested OK, i too have been tested. but no issue. i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside your marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy. after many medical treatment and there is no way. i took it as i was born barren and i accepted every challenge that comes my way. i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own.
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I completely agree with this. I just posted on my Instagram something very similar. I really appreciate this! 🙂 😉
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thanks so much friend 🙂 Hugs and love xox
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