Dear Roseanne Barr,

Posted on by beautybeyondbones

** Just a note before we start: mental illness is a tough issue. And those suffering need compassion and loving support. If someone is incapable of making their own decisions, or truly not in control of their words or actions, in addition to needing the utmost love and support, they also need professional help. And clearly, this post is not referring to those people. The recoveries I am talking about tonight are the warriors who are aware and in control of their actions, and capable of deciding that they want to get better. I hope that you read this from the place of “fired up, tough love” that it was meant. My heart and prayers go out to all those suffering, in all stages of recovery.

I’m sure by now, that you have all heard about the horrendous things that Roseanne Barr tweeted out earlier this week.

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In case you missed it, she spewed off some disgustingly racist remarks, attacking Obama’s former advisor, Valerie Jarrett. She tweeted, “Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby = vj.” This is repugnantly racist, as Jarrett is an African American woman.

And since then, ABC has cancelled the show and done everything they can to sever ties and distance themselves from Barr, as they very well should. That remark was disgusting.

Also since then, Barr — in addition to apologizing — has blamed her tweet on Ambien, and additionally blamed a mental illness, (multiple personality disorder,) that she says she has received 16 years of psychiatric help to cure.

And whether or not she is actually suffering from mental illness, well…that is between she and her doctor.

But in the midst of the firestorm, there has been only one person I have seen come to somewhat of a defense for Barr: Jimmy Kimmel:

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And this is where things get…muddy.

I have so many mixed feelings about this. Because on the one hand, Jimmy is absolutely right: a person suffering with mental illness does need and deserve compassion and patience, and access to resources. One hundred percent. But the fact is, mental illness does not make you racist.

And as someone who very much suffered from mental illness — hello, I almost died from anorexia — I can tell you full well the compassion I needed from my loved ones, who were pleading with me to just “eat a damn sandwich.” Of course, that’s not what they said, but that’s how society at large views anorexia. Come on, you vain waif, just get over yourself and eat something!” — As though it’s a choice.

But their compassion was exactly what I needed when I kept slipping up, or struggling with my treatment plan, or just plain hurting.

However, here’s the difference. — And this is assuming that Barr does, in fact, have multiple personality disorder, which for the sake of argument, we will take her word for.

When I was recovering from my anorexia, my loved ones and I did absolutely everything we could to set me up for success, and avoid creating temptations to fail.

My family created an environment for me to thrive: the fridge was stocked with my favorite nutrient-dense foods, and Ensure weight-gaining drinks. And when eating at home proved to be challenging for me, God bless him, my father took me to a different restaurant all over the city every night. We would go to different buffets so that I could try this and that in little bits, so that I could reintroduce myself to different foods, and fall in love with food again.

They supplied me with loose fitting clothes so that I wouldn’t feel bloated or triggered by my changing body. Took me to every doctor appointment.

And we took the triggering full length mirror out of my room.

And to this day, I don’t even own a scale!

But my family and myself worked together to create the absolute best situation for a successful recovery. And for that, I am forever grateful.

 

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So my question is this: If Barr truly does have multiple personality disorder, why the hell does she have 2am access to a Twitter account? 

Why would she put herself in an environment that has the potential to be detrimental for her condition?

When you are in recovery from an addiction, or are working through a mental illness, you have a responsibility to your recovery. Let me put that a different way: You have to be responsible for your own recovery. 

There, I said it.

There’s no tiptoeing around it. If you really want to live a recovered life, it takes work. It takes fortitude. It takes sacrifice. And you know what, it sometimes takes decisions that are not fun to make — like not having a Twitter account. That is not a fun decision to make, but if you know that you are susceptible to sometimes having MPD manic episodes, the last place you should have access to is a social media account — especially if you’re a visible public figure!

It would be like forcing an alcoholic to live in a brewery. Or a former anorexic to play a character with anorexia in a movie, and forcing her to get down to a dangerously low weight. (Oh wait, they already did that inTo The Bone).


There were so many things that I had to sacrifice for my recovery. Hell, I didn’t even walk in my high school graduation because I was trying to recover at an inpatient treatment facility across the country. That was a sacrifice. And a damn difficult one to make. But I did it. Because recovery isn’t fun, but you do what you have to do to protect your recovery and do everything in your power to set yourself up for success.

There is no excuse for her words. Racism is the most vile of all transgressions.

Roseanne Barr, don’t you dare simply blame your racism on a mental illness.

That takes a big old poop on all of the people who truly are working through their mental illness, and doing everything they can to facilitate their recovery.

Mental illnesses have enough stereotypes already. Just ask the girl who needed to “eat a sandwich.”

Don’t you dare add “racist” to the list.

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BBB: Because we're all recovering from something. // For speaking/business inquiries: beautybeyondbones@yahoo.com

256 thoughts on “Dear Roseanne Barr,”

  2. Yes, blaming Rosannes comments on mental illness is like saying people who take guns to schools and kill a bunch of students are mentally ill. I mean how could you ever blame bad behavior on mental illness. After all being mentally ill doesn’t make you a killer. Mental illness doesn’t make you angry, illogical or obnoxious. Mental illness doesn’t make you do irresponsible and offensive things. — If you believe this you have not spent much time around mental illness. Being an anorexic in recovery does not make you an expert on mental illness. Sorry if this sounds a little harsh but I am just trying to get you to think. I agree that what Rosanne said was offensive and she has been punished for it.

    Such judgement and punishment can be Biblical:

    From 1 Corinthians 5 we read: But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. 12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

    Rosanne has been expelled.

    Perhaps she is cast out for her own good. In 1Cor 5 we also read: hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

    Paul tells us that we are to expel those who willfully sin and keep on sinning so that they might be humbled by the destruction of the flesh so that in the end they seek and find redemption and salvation. This of course, only applies to Christians. As Paul says, non-Christians (those outside the church) will be judged by God.

    Note that Paul tells us to expel those who willfully keep on sinning. Did Rosanne do that? Or did she repent (apologize) and ask for forgiveness? Are we to forgive? Did not Jesus forgive those who crucified him? It seems to me that many are falling into the trap of false righteousness here. How many of us are righteous? Romans 3: 10 — As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; — As Christians we are not to have the same response to Rosanne as the world. We can abhor what she said but we must love her. We are to love her back into the Church. Rosanne is not being tested here: we are.

    (Unfortunately, I doubt that anyone who had a role in cancelling Rosanne’s show took the time to pray about the decision or what course of action they should take. I am too cynical to think that this was anything but a financial decision.)

    I do not know if Rosanne is a racist. Perhaps she is, perhaps she is not. If she is I suspect that her opinions about race are more likely to be changed by love than hate.

    Just some thoughts.

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    1. “We can abhor what she said but we must love her.” this is such a true statement. thank you for this powerful food for thought. Hugs and love xox

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    2. “Mental illness doesn’t make you angry, illogical or obnoxious.”
      “How could you ever blame bad behaviour on mental illness.”
      “Mental illness doesn’t make you do irresponsible and offensive things.”
      May I recommend you take some time to read some of the symptoms of various disorders, primarily the personality disorders listed in DSM 5.

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    3. I’m confused by this comment. On one hand you are agreeing with Caralyn, but you then produce a stinging sentence telling her that being ‘ a recovering anorexic doesn’t make her an expert on mental illness’. That’s harsh! She has recovered completely and yes she is far more an expert on it than those of us who have never suffered in this way. But I have never got the impression that Caralyn thinks she’s an expert – she’s just trying to help others and doing an excellent job at it too.

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  3. I have so many things I wish to comment on about this. However, there are so many out there that will judge or say ill willed things. I would rather avoid making any person feel any hate or discomfort based on my simple beliefs.

    Hope all is well. Keep up the writing! It’s always well thought out.

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to read it 🙂 no worries, you can always email me too, if you need to vent anything! Hugs and love xox

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  4. I TRY to hate actions. and not people. To the haters in the world, drop your hate, it hurts you more than the object of your hate. I do hate what was said, but I wonder why was it OK when people portrayed, Ben Carson, Sarah Palin, Trump, George Bush and many others like a Chimpanzee, and Condoleezza Rice made up to look like a slave, and don’t even try to look up pictures of Condoleeza Rice if you have kids in the room, it is absolutely disgusting what people have pasted her face on!
    Where was the anger when these things were created? I was never a fan of Rosanne to begin with, and I hate it when people make fun of the looks of others, but if we are comfortable seeing Ben Carson looking like a chimp, but get mad at someone else looking like a chimp, then Rosanne isn’t the only person with a problem.

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    1. These are some really powerful points. thanks for sharing. Yeah, hateful words and pictures should never ever be tolerated, no matter who says them. Hugs and love xox

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  6. Heads up: I’m the same person who used to run Oasis Charm before I closed it down and started over with my new blog. Good to see you!

    I’m disappointed that Roseanne said that. As a kid, I sometimes watched the Roseanne show with my parents. I appreciated that there were actors who were plump like us on the show.

    The way she blames racism on her mental illness reminds me of one of my mom’s neighbors, who I’ll call Wendy. Wendy and I were friends for a while. Then she said that she didn’t like black or Muslim people because a black Muslim man attacked her in the past. i had sympathy for her bad experience, but I thought, if he had been a white Christian, I doubt that she’d have problems with white or Christian people.

    I asked her if she’d be willing to talk about race, but her only response was a random joke. I decided not to be friends with her anymore. One of my exes who treated me really badly was blind, but I don’t hate blind people because of him. I don’t even think that trauma justifies hating marginalized people.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing our thoughts on this. cograts on the new site! oh gosh, that is so sad. I think you’re right about that. it never justifies it. Hugs and love xox

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  7. After reading your post and others’ comments, I don’t agree with the backlash about Roseanne Barr’s statement. The Bible says “let the one without sin throw the first stone.” We have all made comments if reported we would be more than embarrassed. I am over 60 and Black, I have heard a few and experienced a few awful things in life; some intentional and some accidental by people because of the color of my skin. Forgive for yourself and move on. The culture that we live in is overly sensitive to every remark without diving into the character of the individual. I don’t know if Roseanne has a mental illness or is a racist. But there is someone who will judge every word and action, and He’s judgment is true because He knows the heart.

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    1. This is a really powerful response. you’re right – we are not to judge others. I hope you didn’t read this as judgmental. I wanted to use a poignant situation to start a conversation about the most difficult aspect of my own recovery: taking responsibility for it. thank you for stopping by, and I also want to say that i’m sorry to hear that you have experienced some awful things. that breaks my heart. sending big hugs x

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      1. No, I did not see this post as judgmental and you are right to highlight what you have suffered through and how you have come through. We believe all have experienced some form of “ism” at some point in life, racism, sexism, etc. but its how we use these that count. I would like us to judge others the way we would want to be judged. And thanks for the hugs X they go a long way in healing.

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      2. Amen – it all goes back to the golden rule: treat others the way we would like to be treated 🙂 thanks again friend xox

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  8. I wrote a piece about mental illness when I was struggling.. Its a difficult thing. In some ways I hope she is I’ll because although it doesn’t excuse what she did or said, it does go some way towards explaining why. Being mentally Ill doesn’t make you racist but can make you act out of character to a degree. And stay away from fb and twitter when you are bad.

    Those attacking her need to remember that You can’t fix a hateful world with more hate. It’s gonna take a whole lotta love to mend this broken universe. And I think its going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

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    1. thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. that’s a great point – it really does take a whole lot of love to mend this broken universe. amen. Hugs and love xox

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  9. The Roseanne history has complex ramifications. Mental instability is often a key element of success as an entertainer – particularly when outrageous behavior is part of the cocktail. If somebody is known to have a personality disorder, that should be disclosed to their employer and sponsors. If they chose to exploit the disorder for profit, that is their problem. If the network knowingly supported Roseanne under those conditions, they should be obligated to buy out her contract. If not, that was Roseanne’s error – she should have disclosed her illness, and cancellation of the show is doing her a real mercy.

    Of course, we may not see any action on this in our legislative bodies. It leads down the slippery slope of mental health evaluations for our political candidates…

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    2. Thank you so much Brian for sharing your thoughts on this. Those are great points about what was disclosed to ABC. My heart breaks for those that lost their jobs on account of her. Hugs and love xox

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    3. Mental health and moral health are important measures for which we have imperfect tools with a high degree of subjective weighting. Politics is a magnet for people who love power. Is that an illness? Still a question. We have to go by what people do and the results they produce.

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      1. mental health has a long way to go, i think, for people to truly understand and be proactive and sympathetic and know how to help.

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      3. There are actually some objective facts regarding the moral evolution of the brain. Socialization that leads toward altruism involves the development of centers of the brain that do not exist at childbirth. Their existence can be verified with MRI scans. Sociopaths adopt a strategy of seeing people as simply objects to be manipulated, and do not possess those tracts of the brain.

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  10. I cannot comment on any aspect of Roseanne’s personal life, but I do know what Jesus says about our words:

    “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
    ‭‭- Matthew‬ ‭12:34‬b (ESV‬‬)

    May the events of this week serve as a reminder to me to as for the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions – for apart from His grace, who’s to say that our lives wouldn’t be riddled top-to-bottom with exceedingly poor choices? 😮

    As always, I appreciate the honesty and integrity of your blog. Have a great day!

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    1. Thank you Victor, yeah I am glad she apologized too. Racism is something I truly do not understand – how a person could harbor those feelings and thoughts? It’s just deplorable. LOVE!!! We’re here to LOVE people! 🙂 Hugs and love xox

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  14. I have seen people sell out and you are not. These people use those terms to cast aspersions without saying what has led them to that conclusion. You are so right about taken responsibility for your actions. I was sexually abused by an uncle from age 5 to about 13 and stuffed it for the next 35 years or so and a change of cities. It took about 4 years to work it out. Always remember you have to live with you.

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    1. Gosh, I am so sorry to hear that you were sexually abused. That absolutely breaks my heart. You did not deserve that. You deserved to be protected and respected, and I”m so sorry that someone who was supposed to be your protector, violated that. sending so much love and hugs xo

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      1. My friend those times were so different than today. Those things were never talked about. I was raised in a large Northern City and that was the 1960’s and the riots were going on and the civil rights movement was really starting to take off. There was a moment as I sat on the bottom step in our home I said to my wife “I can’t keep living like this”. We found me counseling and my counselor asked then one question. She wanted to know if I wanted to learn how to deal with the anger or try and figure it out what is causing it? When i called my dad back in my hometown and told him he wanted to go kill my uncle and that took some time to get him off that ledge and then I called my mom and she wanted dates and times. It is a response that surprised many people. On my blog I have written about what I call “The Other Side of Sexual Abuse” there is one but it took me 4 years to work through it. There are no easy answers or quick fixes. These issues don’t have a chance of getting better until men of my generation talk about it in public. I’ve always told people that I will do that without any hesitation with one condition. I will tell the good ,the bad and the ugly. It’s not a pretty process to go through. The Mental Health Establishment I am not a big fan of because this one question persist. Has the Mental Health Establishment caused more harm than good? They forget one basic concept. The most important number is one and the reason for that is it’s one person at a time to try and help. In 2011 When I talked to a major southern newspaper about it I knew that the “secret” would be out there forever. I have a copy of it. It is online but you have to go through some extra steps to find it.

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  15. Well put! Having a Problem does not entitle you to hurt others, period. OR cost 199 people their jobs. Compassion for Roseanne, yes. Sweep under the rug, no.

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  16. You’re amazing! Go you! I suffer from anxiety and depression I stay away from social media as much as possible when I have a massive relapse. That’s even when I’m blogging I try and stay away from it all. I know how dangerous it is.
    I was talking to one of my parents about it the other day when the news broke out about this. I was literally said I wouldn’t even do that if I had a bad day or blame it on my meds.
    If I have a relapse I have relapse I stay away from all the social media as much as possible. Yeah I might share briefly to my readers that I’m taking a break or apologise if I hadn’t written anything for awhile. They all come in force knowing how difficult it can be for me.
    Never ever should you blame your meds or your mental health for something that you know what your doing.
    I agree with you that you have the control of your recovery you chose to take control or let your mental health define you.
    I fight for my life each day to be positive. Roseanne Barr needs a reality check.

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    1. Aw, thank you Lizzy. Thank you for sharing your story. That’s so awesome – way to take charge of your recovery!! It really is all about knowing your self, so honestly way to go for being so in tune with yourself. That is a huge accomplishment. Yeah, three years in a row I was invited by friends in the industry to attend NYFW fashion shows, but I knew that being in an environment that glorified such unnaturally thin models was not good for my recovery, no matter how strong I was that day. You said it – You choose to take control. Amen – keep fighting girl –YOU ARE AMAZING!! Hugs and love xox

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  19. Initially my thought was “Ambien is a sleep aid med and not used to treat mental illness” then I read your question about why would she be up at 2am on Twitter.

    That’s when I remembered WHY my med clinic never put me on Ambien because one of the side effects is its known to have is lucid sleep walking. As is there are people out there who have gone in their car and drove in their sleep while on this med among other things.

    NO NOT GIVING THIS WOMAN A PASS because this woman has a long history of this kind of behavior and then tries to pass it off as a joke. It’s just this time is the first time I’ve seen her back pedal and bounce around. But this is also the first time I’ve been on Twitter when it’s happened too.

    This is also the first time in my lifetime that I’ve heard she had any kind of mental illness.

    So in light of all this it really does beg the question: if she has MPD and she’s taking this med with this known side effect why didn’t she put a safety stop gap of some kind in place when she knows she is a public figure with a career potentially on the line? As someone with Bipolar and PTSD I know how important it is to have crisis plans like that in place. So what happened there?

    I agree with what ABC did. How long ago was it that Charlie Sheen was booted off of Two and a Half Men? He not only had drinking issues but he also had problematic behavior too. Last I heard he possibly has Bipolar but it wasn’t confirmed. Given the fact that her show carries her name, I doubt it would have succeeded without her. I don’t know if Two and a Half Men is still running.

    But this is a prime example of why I tell my boys all the time that it doesn’t matter what’s going on, you don’t have the right to be an asshole. There will be consequences and we need to own our behavior.

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    1. Hi friend, thank you for sharing this insight! Wow, that’s interesting about the side effects. Yeah, not a free pas but gosh, yeah that adds a tricky layer for sure. A crisis plan, that is so smart and so true. Thank you for sharing your story. Yeah, what happened there? Amen! You don’t have a right to be a butthole no matter what. thanks for stopping by! Hugs and love xox

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  20. Mental health issues aside, I was never a fan of Roseanne . I think she’s done more to stereotype and belittle blue collar families than anyone in Hollywood . Let me put on my tinfoil hat for a moment .
    I said that when they first rebooted the show and she came out as Trump supporter that they was hoping she would discredit conservatives in some way. It doesn’t matter if it staged or not. They set the conditions. The whole time was a hatchet job.

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    1. Thank you so much Lloyd for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you’re right about that. Interesting theory you’ve got there. hmmm Hugs and love xox

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  21. I like your “slogan,” “Because we’re all recovering from something.” Reading your thoughts today stirred a question about perceptions. I am just guessing, but, it seems mistaken perceptions are at the root of anorexia and other image-based states of mind that can take over a person’s life. Whether or not the mis-perception is organic or cultural, or both is not the issue. It is the persistent thought that misguides behavior.

    I grew up in a very racist against “Negroes” as we were taught was proper. That was the age and environment in America after WWII. My mother was born into an even more racist society before the Great Depression. Yet, she was adamant that her children not use racial language, and not separate people by origin. Growing up outside Washington D.C. the atmosphere was constantly charged with the poison of prejudice.

    All my friends, all their parents, almost every person I met was prejudiced against some or every kind of “other.”

    My father was from that mindset. He had names for every race, ethnicity, and foreign birthright. Archie Bunker was a mild version of my Dad. Still my mother prevailed with me. The message is, choose people one-by-one.

    But what we Americans call racism is endemic most places in the world I have visited. The fear and loathing of the “other” seems built into many human societies. In South Africa, racism against whites is now dominant.

    My point is, people believe their perceptions are real. If you grew up believing “big is beautiful,” ala Middle East, and Hawaii, that is the ideal. If you grew up believing the Irish are drunken louts, that is the truth.

    Mental health is also about mental state, along with physiology, and genetic disposition. You have the higher perspective of the “big picture” so to speak. You have that under control, and you do beautiful work with people who are still victims.

    My question: If one’s whole life supports a certain story about what is real, what would it take to alter that story? Roseanne Barr paid with her “life” for an uninhibited attempt at political racial humor. What dangerous beliefs threaten each of us, especially in unguarded moments and in like-minded company?

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    1. Wow, what powerful questions, Von. Thank you for sharing your story. Yeah, it makes me sad to think that those harmful beliefs are considered “normal” still to so many. I think it takes education and a shift in speaking. Not saying that those who hold those beliefs are uneducated or dumb — not at all! But just education in the broader sense — like, exposure to culture that broadens one’s minds. Access to different materials and books, speaches, think pieces from people from all different backgrounds. Interaction between people form all cultures, so that we can experience one another on a personal level. And lastly and most importantly, a focus on God’s plan for His creation: with all humans living in peace and harmony and love with one another as brothers and sisters.

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  24. There is no diagnosis for “multiple personality disorder” anymore and that terminology has not been used for many, many years. The term now and has been for over 20 years, “boarderline personality disorder.” So, me thinks, there may be something amiss. (By the way, I am a retired mental health therapist and have an MEd. in mental health counseling.)

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    1. What in interesting perspective. Thank you for sharing that, Jay. I was unaware of that. I was citing her words from an interview about it. thanks for stopping by and sharing your insight. Hugs and love xox

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  26. Hum. Pretty disappointed with this post. Reading through the comments, you mention you’re trying to spread awareness about mental health… except you’re doing that by discrediting someone else’s claim or acknowledgement of their diagnosis. It is just that, theirs. I don’t discredit your diagnosis or the way you handled it, it was yours. Each persons diagnosis is individualized. Do I agree with her statements? Hell no. Do I think she need help? Hell yes. This isn’t “tough love” this is judgment covered with a blanket phrase. You can’t tell someone where to be in their recovery or how it makes them feel/think. Maybe it was a quick way for her to blame her actions on something else, but maybe it wasn’t. Mental illness has distorted people’s thinking for decades. There are individuals in psych wards because they truly believe with every fiber of their being that they are Jesus or Satan… or know the secret of another universe only they can disclose.

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    1. Hi friend, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts about the piece. I’m sorry that it disappointed you. I agree that mental illness can make people do or say things that they are unaware of, and those people need compassion, support, and help. and I’m sorry that it came across that I was doubting her diagnosis…that is not how I feel. Her diagnosis is between her and her doctor. I thank you for joining the conversation. I was using this situation as a poignant way to open up a dialogue about one of the most difficult aspects of my own recovery: taking responsibility for it. Hugs and love xox

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      1. Opening up dialogue is definitely important, however it is important how that conversation is addressed. I know conversation can be easily misconstrued over social media and online formats, but in conversations such as these it can be misinterpretations like this that can be detrimental. That being said, I hear you, and I appreciate your clarifications.

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      2. Thank you 💛 I will certainly be more aware and sensitive to it in the future. Xx

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  27. Explaining an action is not the same as evading responsiblity to exeternalizing responsibility. I agree with you that recovery takes a lot of work. Recognize our errors. Apologize. Use our resources to not make the mistakes again (change personal behavior, develop and rely on social supports, participate in counseling, develop a medication routine that works, delete those messages that we should never send…). Be humble. Accept forgiveness. – Oscar

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    1. Amen. This is really powerful, Oscar. That is a surefire recipe to take control of one’s recovery and succeed. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Hugs and love xox

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  28. Of course what she said is defensible. Jimmy is wrong. Everyone vilifying Roseanne is wrong and being incredibly judgemental. No one on the face of this planet is exempt from saying something offensive. NO ONE. I have no right to sit in judgement of her words. What happened to our mercy and compassion? Especially those of us identifying as Christian? Her apology MUST be accepted at face value. That is what apologies are for. She should not have lost her job over WORDS. WORDS!! Come on people. Our nation has become entirely too easily offended. When we become offended, we give ourselves over to the person making offensive remarks. We become their property. They own us. If, as Christians, we are ‘dead to the world’ nothing said could ever touch us. We would feel pity for that person and ask God to aid them in their journey. Do I become offended? Yes. But that is MY fault and not the fault of the person being offensive. Being offended is a choice. I am not without sin and therefore I cannot cast stones. Why? I will be judge in heaven as I judge here on earth.

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    1. Thanks Melissa for sharing your thoughts on this. I can take a page from this: I should not have been so hard on Roxanne, and shown some mercy. It’s a difficult situation, given how deplorable her words were, I just got a little to riled up, I’m afraid. But you’re right, she apologized, and we must do as Jesus would do. Hugs and love xox

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    1. thank you so much Sussy — you’re so kind to say that:) i’m glad this resonated with you! Hugs and love xox

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  30. Carrie Fisher had bipolar for most of her career. I’m not a huge fan of infotainment…info-tainers…whatever its called. Its light on the info, heavy on the sarcasm, on deeply complex issues. This is blowback, from that genre. A large portion of the U.S. has some kind of mental health issue. I hear it all the time on different job sites something similar to Barr is not specific to Barr. Only, that she had something to lose. Personally, I originally thought, its a regional thing like, maybe people have not saw many minorities in charge. Like, in the Midwest. I am called Taliban often. Then, watching those networks that create these dialogues it made more sense why it’s become okay to verbally attack strangers for the superficial. In public. At work. Without recourse, like what happened to Barr.

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    1. Gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been verbally attacked like that. You did not deserve that. Words are hurtful and we need to love one another. Hugs and love xox

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      3. Ha. Hugs. No. We can’t force people to like people. If that were the answer my life would have been different. People set the rules and society enforces them.

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  31. For myself, during my recovery process…I am responsible for what I say and do. Being bipolar doesn’t give me the right the spew hateful words. It’s that simple. It should be that way for everyone recovering. But unfortunately, I think in her case, she’s surrounded by “yes” people because of her Hollywood status. She may not of had anyone telling her the healthy way to live…just telling her “yes”. But again, unfortunately, it’s the society we live in right now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. God bless

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you’re right about that. I love your attitude towards your recovery. Rock on!! Hugs and love xox

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  32. I would say I have to agree with you and am glad ABC is standing up for what is acceptable and what is not. It’s time to say no to bullies and hate! We all have issues of some sort, but it’s never ok to be hurtful to others. To attack someone for the way they look is not ok on any level. And people saying it’s wrong is right. I think conversation about it is great and appreciate your bravery in bringing it up. Everyone is going to have an opinion, and that’s ok. You have yours and have every right to it. Love your honesty!

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. You’re so 100% right on the money – it’s never ever okay to hurt others. Hugs and love xox

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  33. Okay, my turn. What Roseanne posted at 2:00 a.m. on Twitter was offensive, degrading, and racist. Period. That’s not excusable. What Samantha Bee said isn’t excusable, either.

    Once the story came out about her being on Ambien at the time, I thought of when my grandmother had been on Lunesta, a similar drug. She lived alone at that point, I think she was in her early 90s (She died in 2013 at the age of 96). Anyway, my mom was visiting one summer. One morning, Mom went in Grandma’s bedroom to wake her up. There appeared to be dried blood everywhere. Mom almost called 911, terrified. Thankfully, it turned out to be chocolate. Grandma had been sleepwalking, eating chocolate, getting it everywhere, and waking up the next day without any memories of doing all of this. And it wasn’t limited to chocolate, either. It’s a miracle she didn’t fall, break glass, and so on. It was absolutely terrifying. My mom took her to the doctor almost immediately, and demanded that she be weaned off the drug as quickly as possible. The doctor listened, and several other side effects ceased to exist, too.

    With all this said, you are such an advocate, in my eyes. You lived through anorexia, and that is a Herculean effort. I’ve recently met and gotten to know better no less than three women who are in recovery for EDs, among other mental health issues/conditions. Thanks to intensive treatment, writing, blogging, and support from their families and friends, they’re now thriving. They all have become responsible for their own recovery, and that blows me away. They are the strong ones. You are incredibly strong, too.

    Thank you for continuing to present and write about the controversial issues. I believe you present these issues as objectively as possible, and I appreciate how you weave your own experiences into every post. Keep being the light. I read every post.

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    1. Thank goodness it was chocolate and that she wasn’t hurt!! Thank you so much for sharing your perspective on this. You’re right – those are powerful drugs that can have pretty serious side effects that can lead one to behave erratically. I should probably give a little more grace. Thank you for your kind words Laura Beth. Sending so much love and hugs xox

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      1. Don’t beat yourself up. You offer plenty of grace through your own perspective. It’s refreshing to see you be brave and tackle these issues and topics in your own way!

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  34. Your post is well thought out and seems to be fair in analyzing Barr’s horrid remarks. But I did kind of stumble over your comments about recovery for those with mental illness. There are some with certain mental illnesses that will never recover or cured, but their illnesses are maintained through their medication that allows them to function and live as best as they can, so I think the choice of the word “recovery” may not have been the right one when speaking generally of mental illness that encompasses all types.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.That’s a really great point. I apologize for my word choice. I will choose more carefully in the future! Hugs and love xox

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  36. I am not defending anyone or saying what was said is OK. It does bother me that Roseanne has had a very long and lucrative career. I believe she is know for being crass, regardless in all the years we have “known” her, to allow one tweet done late at night under who knows what circumstances to be a reflection on her and who she is. Her tweet reminds me of how I feel when I have an argument with a loved one. They have hurt me badly and I just want to lash out, so I say something which reflects my feeling of hurt and/or anger, but does not reflect my true feelings. You know, the ones we end up apologizing forever for. The “I am sorry, I was very hurt and I wanted to hurt you back . . .” Unfortunately, she did it over social media and as a public, it seems as though we blow things up disproportionately to the incident.

    I ask, if we are to judge her, what else has she done that would reflect so badly on her, or did she just have a stupid moment and can we forgive her for it? I feel as though she just had a stupid moment. When she mangled singing the “Star Spangled Banner” we did not call her un-american, we called it a stupid thing to do.

    God Bless!

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  37. Great read. Plain and simple – she absolutely is a racist and is giving folks with mental illness a bad wrap.

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  38. I totally agree with you Caralyn. Her comment was not just an insult to Valerie, but to all depression sufferers who are now assumed to be affected with a racist mindset owing to their medication. I like what one report said about Ambien, “Racism is not a known side-effect of this drug.” Great post.

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  39. Oh wow, I didn’t know she said she has MPD. I heard about the Ambien, and immediately thought that’s no excuse for her racist comment. I agree with you about recovering. It takes sacrifice. And loved what you said… having mental illness does not make you a racist. Or violent. Sad situation all around on this one. Great post Caralyn! On another note, just heard about Kate Spade. So tragic and sad. Depression and mental illness can affect absolutely anyone. No matter how rich and successful they are. Not sure why I added this, just saw it online and I’m shocked.

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    1. Yeah, it’s such a tricky situation. Thanks Jenny Marie for sharing your thoughts about this. I know me too, I just heard as well. So tragic. So so sad. Prayers for her and her family. Hugs and love xox

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  42. Thank you for enjoying my blog. I don’t know if Roseanne Barr is mentally ill, but she does have a problem. And it didn’t make sense to put her back on TV. They knew about her all alone. So, if they lost a lot of money, too bad. Take care.

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  43. Thank you for this post. You covered all angles perfectly. Thanks also for sharing your story. Take care

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  45. Thanks for this!!! I struggle with bipolar disorder, general anxiety disorder and an eating disorder I’ve struggled with both ends of the scale too low and too high. I’m finally getting the eating in order and God has blessed me with around 14 – 15 really good years of being able to manage the rest. There are always those difficult times however when they come now I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Praise God!!! Thank you so much for speaking up for us.

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  46. Hey, bbb! (BBB? i don’t know where or not to capitalize that.)

    As someone with depression, OCD, and panic problems who has dear friends who are recovering from anorexia, I think this was a tasteful and well done approach to the situation. My husband and I were just talking about this tonight and saying no matter who you are and who you don’t like, you just don’t say things like that. It kills me that humans can’t treat other humans like..well, humans.

    Stories like Roseanne losing her job for something she willingly did…they kind of stab me. It’s almost impossible for me to keep a job because of my social anxiety, and I’m still looking around after almost a year of marriage. All that to say, if you have a job that 1) you like, and 2) pays you TONS of money…shouldn’t you just be happy you have the job? Goodness. (Oh, also, I guess prayer request for finding a job that I can actually work…if you do that kind of thing around here.)

    Kudos, and congrats on ongoing recovery! Keep it up, love.

    Caitlin

    P.S. You’re a knock-out, and you’ll eat a sandwich whenever you damn well please, so stick it to ’em!

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey Caitlin. I will definitely keep you in my prayers for the job hunt! The right one is out there 🙂 sending so much love and hugs xox

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    2. And yes! The capitalization is perfect! I’m actually just now working on my logo! “BBB” Haha Hugs and love xox

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  47. Great post. Racism is not an illness. It is a dangerous, hateful, unacceptable, self-serving attitude.
    Roseanne made sacrifices in the past, I am sure, to lose weight. She now looks more attractive than before. However, her attitude and what spews from her mouth and social media is totally wrong.
    She had the ability to be responsible in the past. She should be held responsible still.

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