Crying At Yoga

So one of my absolute best friends is a yoga teacher. And one of the perks – in addition to being the “Teacher’s Pet” – is that I get to take her classes in the city and cheer her on!

It’s so fun. I always love watching someone shine in their element. It’s a little glimpse of Heaven, if you ask me.

And one of the things she does, is that she has you set an intention to think about during the class — A little something to think about during the deep breathing and focus. And so I always use that time to meditate on Jesus, and pray.

And well, for whatever reason, this week, I decided that during the class, I would pray for my future husband, whomever he may be.

You see, I don’t know what it is, but in the last three weeks or so, I have just been absolutely overcome with emotion and feelings about my future spouse. I just feel this overwhelming tidal wave of “Now is the time!”ย 

For the first time, I think ever, I feel like my life is in aย really good rhythm. Mind, body, and spirit. And honestly, it doesn’t surprise me that this feeling of wholeness coincides with the beginning of my new podcast, Oh What a Beautiful Morning! And this really is not meant to be a plug. It just is incredible how starting the day – even for just literally 5 minutes – and reading and reflecting on the Bible (which is what we do on the pod) — how it has completely changed my life for the better.

My life feels completely at peace. Except for one gaping hole that has been tearing at my heart with extra fervor here recently, and that is the place in my life for my future husband.

But anyways, back to yoga. It was your normal class – run expertly by my bestie, if I might add ๐Ÿ™‚ And at the very end, where we close our eyes and are quiet for 5-7 minutes and just breathe, I began to cry.

Yes, friends. I was that girl – weeping in the middle of a packed yoga class. Talk about embarrassing! Mascara running. Flushed cheeks. I was the definition of a literal hot, sweaty mess.

But I was just overcome with just this desire to let someone into my life. I am ready. I am ready to let someone in.

And afterwards, talking with my friend, a little embarrassed that, here I was her guest, and I…well…brought the waterworks…she gave me some of the most beautiful words of encouragement.

This blog has truly been a journey. It’s hard to believe that it’s been going for over three years now. And what a ride it’s been.

But truly, the absoluteย hardest, most difficult aspect of my recovery has been to let someone in. To open up my heart and my life to another person.

Feeling undeserving of love, ashamed to let anyone too close, I have stiff-armed my way into a situation that frankly, I am dreadfully tired of.

I am tired of being alone.ย 

There. I said it.

My life is full of love from so many different places: my friends, my family, this veryย blog family. And I have so much love in my life.

But I want to share my life with someone. And I think I amย finally,ย finally ready to open my heart to that possibility.

I think we get to the point in life, where we reach our limit, where we get too tired, of being sick and tired. Or in my case, tired of the walls – or fortress – I’ve built around my heart.

And I know I’ve talked about dating apps in the past. And how the swiping phenomena has killed romance. (Which I still stand by.)

But this time, I’m going to be going about this differently.

I’m giving it to God.

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The transformation I’ve had this past month, that has come about from giving my free time to God, andย truly committing to making Him a priority every single day, has given me the perspective to see love differently.

I’ve placing my love life in God’s hands. I’m going to follow where He leads. Be open to whomever He puts in my path. And stop working myself up into a verklempt mess that cries at a yoga class.

I’m going to trust Him.

I’m going toย listenย to Him.

I’m going toย welcome His promptings, and seek His guidance, even if it’s not always what I would typically do.

“Keep working on yourself, Caralyn. You deserve love.”ย My friend is able to speak to my soul in ways that only a friend of twenty-something years can.

I feel a bit as though I’m in a freefall. Like I’m out of control in the best way possible. But I think it’s because I’m on the cusp of an entirely new chapter in my life.

 

One last thing: I was on the phone with my mom, talking with her about this very topic, earlier this week. And you know, that woman is always the anchor to my ship, caught in a storm. We were talking about my spirit’s weariness of singleness, and for the first time I admitted out loud, “It’s because I don’t let people in.

And she just softly said, “I know.”

That’s the thing. So often we’re the last to the party. Everyone else can see it, but in order for us to come to understand, we have to go through the process. Do the work – just like my best friend encouraged me with.

And it turns out that doing the work, meant actually humbling seeking Jesus, and giving Him that which we are desperately holding onto.

So anyways, that’s where I’m at for now.

I’m open. I’m ready. And I welcome Jesus’ plan to come to fruition in my life!

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262 thoughts on “Crying At Yoga

  1. Iโ€™m tired of being alone sometimes as well, but some of us were never meant for marriage. I sincerely hope your prayers come true, very soon! God bless. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜Œ

    1. Thank you John. My heart is with you, my friend. God has beautiful and individually tailored plans for each and every one of us ๐Ÿ™‚ big big hugs xo

    1. amen amen amen ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you for this beautiful encouragement. big hugs xo

  2. I’m glad you realize that you have to be open in order for something to happen! I’ve watching The Secret on Amazon Prime and it goes right along with what you said, declare it, want it and it’s going to happen. And of course, trust in God and He will show you the way. It’s all part of your journey, you weren’t ready until now. Don’t settle for anything but the best! xo

    1. thank you friend. Yes! gotta trust and be open ๐Ÿ™‚ big hugs to you friend xox

  3. Caralyn, I know Jesus will lead you. Just let Him.

    I was not married until I was 33. . . several lonely times, yes. But put your relationship with God first. -Jeff

    1. Thank you so much Jeff, I appreciate you sharing your story. That’s great advice – God first! Hugs and love xox

  4. i am super tired of being alone too! ALL MY LIFE and yeah i have had eating disorders too.

    PLEASE DO NOT DO YOGA ANYMORE. “SETTING AN INTENTION” is WITCHCRAFT and even if you are thinking about Jesus doing it, or during it, YOGA STILL is DEMON WORSHIP. PLEASE DO NOT DO IT ANYMORE!!! ๐Ÿ™

    and i hope you find him.
    i hope i find her too.

      1. It was a pretty ambiguous question. I suppose what I am asking is there a point in your desire to be married where you give up your website, podcast or, in essence, those things you have worked on up until now?

  5. Affairs of the heart are mystical, wonderful things. Mr. Right will come, but likely when you least expect it. Be patient. Trust in God, be comfortable and confident in that trust, and all will be well. Blessings and peace and love– Mike

    1. aw, thank you so much Teri, I appreciate your kindness. you’re a great friend! Hugs and love xox

  6. Minus the yoga, I feel like this could have been written by me. The overwhelming feeling of it’s time, the tiredness of being alone – the difficulty leโ€‹ttinโ€‹g people in. I keep thinking I’m ready but then bolting and I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t met HIM yet or if I’m still dealing with how to fit a husband into my reality. This was really good to read though. Thanks for posting it.

    1. aw thank you so much for sharing your heart. I’m so glad it resonated with you. hang in there friend ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

  7. God is preparing someone for you, and you for your someone. It will happen out of the blue, at least that’s what happened to me. I wasn’t looking, I just let it go. My husband and I have been married for 32 years after whirlwind courtship.We knew each other 9 months when we married. I thought it was crazy, but crazy means God is at work.He thinks much differently than we do. xoxo

    1. thank you so much for sharing your beautiful love story! When you know you know! ๐Ÿ™‚ and congrats on 32 years! so beautiful ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

  8. “And well, for whatever reason, this week, I decided that during the class, I would pray for my future husband, whomever he may be.”

    This is the second time I have heard someone speak about praying for the people in our future! And also – the feeling that the time is NOW for THE relationship is mirrored in pagan and new age circles as well. From what I understand, and what many believe, many are able to meet with their Twin Flames in this incarnation.

    Entire blog post is awesome.

      1. The woman I was talking to is Christian also and she had received the guidance to pray for her son’s future wife. Which I had never thought of doing. But which is genius.

      2. She was very inspiring to talk to. Some people just blab bible verses with no real belief behind what they are saying – she was truly filled with the Spirit. Just a joy to talk to and pray with someone of her spiritual caliber.

      1. I either do books on tape or guided meditations to fall asleep to. Addicted to Frank Baum’s Oz stories at moment and they’re all free on youtube.

  9. Keep the Faith! It took a long time, but one day, visiting a friend hundreds of miles from where I lived, I visited with her a foreign language bookstore where I had ordered books in German for years. Working at the cash register was my future husband. We have been together 16 years! You never know when and where, but just trust it will happen.

    1. Oh my gosh what a fun love story! thank you so much for sharing it with me. gives me great hope. and congrats on 16 years!!! so beautiful!!! Hugs and love xox

  10. I know that tired feeling. I remember crying on NYE and praying to God that I didnโ€™t want to be alone anymore. I felt that it was time. I was dating here and there, but I wanted to be with someone special. That night I met my future husband. We now have a little girl. God knows our heartโ€™s desires. Heโ€™s got your back.

    My advice, not that youโ€™re asking, is to lighten up. Please try and stop seeing marriage as the end goal. Relax a little. Let go and trust God. I know thatโ€™s easy to say from someone already married. ๐Ÿ˜†

    1. Oh my gosh what a beautiful love story! thank you so much for sharing that with me. and thanks for the great advice!!! Hugs and love xox

  11. Iโ€™m glad to see this change in your attitude toward yourself. I and so many others have told you directly and indirectly that you are a good person, worthy of a place in the community, worthy of peopleโ€™s love , that we all love you!

    Like my daughter who needed help with depression, it didnโ€™t happen until she was hurting enough to know she needed the help. Not knowing it through us, but knowing it in her own heart. Self is the hardest thing to see!

    Crying โ€“ do you understand what tears are? They are literally a chemical โ€œflushingโ€ of your brain. When emotions create too much of a chemical imbalance in your brain, tears are what flush out the imbalance. Itโ€™s known that the chemical composition of tears changes with the reason they come.

    Sound to analytical? Well, I think itโ€™s beautiful. I understand now how well God designed us that we have an automatic system to help with emotional control. Sometimes we donโ€™t perceive our own emotional condition until the waterworks start! We donโ€™t appreciate the seriousness. Your tears were Godโ€™s designed system telling you what you were consciously denying; an emotional imbalance. Tears = short term solution. Long term solution? Fix the actual problem.

    Which is what you are now doing by starting to deconstruct the walls around your heart. STARTING TO. Youโ€™ve made the decision, but they wonโ€™t fall easily. Your behaviors have been in place a long time. Give yourself some slack if your resolve wavers or your actions donโ€™t immediately agree with your resolve.

    You are a strong, intelligent, and loving. I have no doubt your recovery will continue successfully with this next step!

    1. Hi Jeff – gosh your posts always give me so much great “stuff” to think about. Chemical flushing – what a powerful thought. you’re right – truly beautiful. Yes! starting to – long process, gotta be patient and diligent. thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. ๐Ÿ™‚ you are a great friend. hugs to you and julie! xo

  12. Caralyn,

    wow. This post seems like it took bravery to publish… But thank you for sharing! I am so glad you are ready to open your heart to someone. I love getting on my yoga mat and giving it all to God- I did a post on this over at my blog recently and it was so much fun! Hope you’re having a

    1. Hi Annie Cate! oh gosh thank you friend ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes! That is the best part about it – having quiet time with Jesus. thank you for the encouramgent. Hugs and love xox

  13. Yes! And wait for God to do it because He knows and loves you way better than you do and will bring the right man at the right time for the right reasons. When we force someone He doesn’t want, it never ends well. It will come and I prayed for you to have the wisdom to see when God brings that man to you and the grace to wait for him. Hang in there. I love you, friend. XO ๐Ÿ˜„โค

    1. thank you so much Tonya! and gosh, thank you for your prayers. Yes – gotta have major patience! Hugs and love xox

  14. This is a truly beautiful post, because you were open, and made yourself vulnerable in the sharing of your experience. My friend that is where the beauty comes from. This is clear evidence that God is working in you and through you. And it’s so beautiful to see your trusting in God. You are exactly where you need to be. Whether you realize it or not, you inspire so many people.

    1. oh gosh, thank you so much, friend. I am truly humbled and touched. Hugs and love xox

  15. Dang…. this whole post just sounds like dad in heaven. Peace and vulnerability. Itโ€™s apparent God is doing a work in you and that the god who sees ahead and provides will do likewise with you. I need to share this post with some peeps…. i mean i always share your posts.

    1. oh my gosh i am humbled by such generous words. Thank you Nathan, i really appreciate it, and I would absolutely honored it you were to pass it on ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

    1. Thank you so much Kenneth. i appreciate this encouragement. yes! sooner rather than later, please! haha Hugs and love xox

    1. thank you so much friend. ๐Ÿ™‚ i appreciate that ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

      1. Before I was married, Genisis 24’s account of Laban seeking a bride for his masters son was always an encouraging reminder that God has a sovereign wedding plan for us, as improbable as it may be.

  16. How this fills my heart for you ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so glad you have opened up on this blog, sharing your journey, the highs and lows. God continue to be with you, my sister in Christ. Praying ahead of time has really cleared some paths I never knew I would tread, and I’m so thankful how God used me during those times of prayer to prepare me. My mom has prayed for my husband since I was born, and he gave her a run for her money “so to speak” or run for prayer talk when we first dated, but he has transformed so much he is not the boy I dated, but he is the man I have married. I wish you a godly man who lifts you up as he should and can encourage you to keep giving your all to God and others.

    1. oh TR, thank you friend. you are such a great friend. that’s amazing about your mom and husband. what an awesome love story ๐Ÿ™‚ sending big big hugs xox

  17. Pat and I knew right from the beginning that we were destined for each other. Just 12 hours after meeting her and asking her out (November 18, 1968) I asked her to marry me. Twelve days after that she wrote me that letter wherein she states, โ€œOn top of this I feel an elusive fondness for you that canโ€™t be classified; its too strong for friendship and not strong enough for love.โ€ Why did we see so quickly that we were meant for each other and were soulmates? As Pat said, โ€œsmall bubbles of happiness in a cold universe.โ€
    I used to pray nightly that the first girl that attended Church with me would be the girl I married; well Pat was the first girl that attended Church with me. She even became an Anglican and Christianity is very much a part of our love. My favourite old testament book, Ecclesiastes reminds us that life is never without God-not even for a moment! Three days after that first date we were kneeing together in prayer in the Church of the Redeemer, an Anglican church in Toronto. For everything there is a season, and God is in the midst of them.

    1. oh that is so amazing!!!! thank you so much for sharing your beautiful love story. it gives me such great hope. small bubbles of happiness in a cold universe. that is so poetic! Hugs and love xox

      1. By the Lakeshore
        Patricia A Smith January 1969
        Among the ice
        Brave bright ducks
        Unsinkably bobbed.
        This side of the break water,
        A seeming submarine
        Craggy with Atlantic ice.

        Ice on the concrete shore, Then grey crinkled blueness
        Moving to the false horizon.

        Like numbed yellow wine
        The sun spread a stain to where
        The unreal smoky silhouettes
        Of faraway towns were
        Featured, just above the horizon.

        The boorish wind off the water,
        The wind off the ice,
        Was too cold, enveloping us
        So small,
        Two little castles
        Hand holding and smoking cigarettes
        And ambling.

        We should have been crusted with frost,
        As windows are on winter houses,
        Small bubbles of happy heat
        In a cold universe.

      2. Wow wow wow ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

  18. Oh Caralyn! I am praying right along with you for God to ready the heart of a very special man. Praise be to God for the faith he has given you and for the leap you have taken! Thank you for sharing this vulnerable yet extremely moving post.

    I have been meaning to tell you that I can see a change in you, simply through your blog posts. I was reading some of your older posts and thought, “wow, look how much God has been working in and through her!” You are so confident, beautiful, and so eager to serve our Lord and live your life for him. You rock, girl. Thank you for letting all of us join you in your journey! <3

    1. aw thank you friend for your prayers and encouragement! it truly means so much. And wow – what a neat thing to say. yeah this blog has definitely been incredibly healing and deepened my relationship with the Father, and i think understanding – or rather allowing myself to truly look inward, if that makes sense. thank you for such generous words. i am humbled and touched. Hugs and love xox

  19. God bless you, dear open and vulnerable child of God. He has you in the palm of His hand – and at the perfect time, if it is meant to be, He will send to you the person worthy of your love and trust. Your openness is beautiful. May you be open only to His leading, and not to someone whose intentions are not as pure as yours. Be patient, dear one, be patient!!

    1. thank you so much Jan ๐Ÿ™‚ this was such an encouraging response!! yes patience! Hugs and love xox

  20. Dear Beauty: I’m so glad you are opening yourself to the Masters Touch. He is aware of your hearts righteous desires, and with faith, patience and your working to prove your intentions, He will bring your divinely appointed sweetheart into your circle.
    He may not be beautiful or rich, God looks at the heart, not the outside.
    So be open to the feelings of the spirit.
    Remember James 1: 5, 6.
    And by the way…the challenges we face in life refine us and give direction through the lessons learned.
    Be grateful God Loves you enough to have given you so many refining moments.
    Peace be with you

    1. oh thank you friend. I love that – refine and direct us. so true. thanks for the encouragement! Hugs and love xox

  21. I feel the same way as you except that I would like a wife instead of a husband. I have been alone my entire life. I was never aloud to have friends growing up, and they have become hard to find nowadays. I know that you will be a big blessing to the man who finds you. As for me, well, I tend to feel my hopes get dashed, but I try to keep my faith strong.

    1. Oh JB, yes – keep that faith strong, because you are going to make a great husband one day, and that woman will sure be lucky ๐Ÿ™‚ And hey – i’m so glad to count you as one of my dear friends ๐Ÿ™‚ sending so much love and prayers xox

  22. Hugs and Love!! God will help you. I know. He helped me. He Loves all of us and you are no exception. Keep trusting and He will bring things about. Love and Light is what you caste upon His world. He will reward your trust too! xoxoxoxo

    1. Thank you Miguel. Amen to that!! He loves us all so so much and His timing is perfect ๐Ÿ™‚ just gotta trust! ahaha Hugs and love xox

  23. The reality is as we age that we come to realize that things never happen when we expect them to take place. As we are all sinners God doesn’t really get to concern about what any of us want and when we want it. I raised in a home that getting married was not a major goal. If it happened it happened and if it didn’t that was ok too. I was dating but marriage just didn’t seem to be in the cards. Then one day I was walking out of a christian book store and picked up a singles dating paper ( long before eharmony etc.) I had a job in which I was working all night by myself. I started answering some ads just for fun. That was over 20 years ago. One of those ads I answered would later become my wife. I left my hometown for her and have never regretted it. The thing is that when I picked up that paper that day I had no idea it would change my life forever. There wasn’t any of this online dating stuff. Actually I think it probably helped because we had to actually write letters. Always keep in mind that the only person who you will spend the rest of your life with is you. Now as we are in the final stages of our lives we look back and agree that it has been one heck of a ride!

    1. Oh wow, what an awesome love story! thank you for sharing that with me. you’re right – God’s timing! Hugs and love xox

      1. The thing is that when I wrote to her the first time she said wrote back and said I was to young for her. ( She is about 10 years older) So we stopped writing then about 6 months later she wrote and asked if we could go back to writing? I figured why not? When we decided to get married I thought it was to go talk to her father about it on a walk. As we kept on walking she was next to her father and as we got closer to her parents home I walked up to her father and I talked to him about what we’re going to do ( both of us were well past 30) we had gone through all of scenarios about how would react and of course we forgot about the reaction he would have. He said well we need to go talked to Maggie. They had been married for over 50 years so logically for him that was the thing to do. We walked in and one of them put a chair in front of her and told her I needed to talk her about something. I felt like digging through the floor. She was ok with it but asked me to promise her one thing and that was to stay in the faith that my wife was raised in. I gave her my word and I won’t budge on that. Of course by now they are both gone. Being married a long there are times that you wonder what was I thinking? I think faith is a big part of it. We can laugh at just about anything. We really enjoy just hanging out. If your spouse is not your best friend then it will not end well. We always have each others back. We never embarrass each other in public. If she needs to talk then whatever I am doing stops. It is truly a unique love story . She is not well and that story is a miracle which I would never put on here. Take care of yourself.

  24. I know you’re feeling anxious for a husband, but I think that praying for your future husband is a great start. To be honest I experience similar feelings of anxiousness, but try to turn that into praying for my future wife! Needless to say, your future husband, and my future wife, are definitely covered in prayers! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. you’re right – there is power in prayer! thank you so much!! i will keep you in my prayers!! Hugs and love xox

      1. There is power in prayer indeed. I will pray for you too! As I’m writing this, I’m thinking of the song “Break Every Chain.”

        “There is power in the name of Jesus…to break every chain.”

  25. You are very brave to open up like this. I have done the same on my blog. But I hoe you found it cleansing and healing. You are wise to leave the choice up to Jesus. You are a fine young woman.

    1. oh Steve, thank you so much ๐Ÿ™‚ yes – up to Jesus! big hugs to you xo

  26. You are an amazingly honest and beautiful person. Beautiful in and out. This blog is a kind of prayer in itself. It acknowledges everything good comes from our Creator and He always listens. Sometimes to answer immediately to that prayer of faith, and sometimes to wait until the right situation arises to be of benefit in your quest for eternity. I’m pausing now to add my prayer to yours that you find a person who is a committed Christian, because a committed Christian will be committed to you for life.

    1. I agree with #iancyberspace you’re praying as you write and you’re speaking into your life what you are praying. Remember we live in the waves of what we created with our words and our prayers and our actions of the past. Time to make some new waves, speak into your future through your prayers. Time to unwrap your damaged heart too. Remember that God has been working inside the bandages for sometime now, time to give your heart some air because when you wrap it up, not only do you not let love in, it’s hard to let it out. We are praying with you, remember the prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective! God bless you Caralyn. I have been where you are, I know the pain and God knows it more. You are in good hands. x Lauren

      1. Oh my gosh what a kind thing to say. yes – i love that – God working inside the bandages. Thank you Lauren, this is so touching! Hugs and love xox

    2. Oh Ian, thank you friend. I am humbled by your generous words. And thank you for that prayer – I will join you in that! amen ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for being such a great friend. Hugs and love xox

  27. I really like to read your stories … your openess is refreshing and your honesty is encouraging.
    I will pray with you finding the one sent to you by God.

    1. aw, thank you so much for your prayers. that truly means so so much ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

  28. Good things happen to good people, and you are a good person Caralyn. May God bless you. God’s blessings are abundant. Take care

  29. When I read this post I closed my eyes and prayed for you. Such openness can only be described in one word: Godly. May God grant you the desire of your heart dear Caralyn.

    1. oh my gosh thank you so much for your prayers. I am so grateful and touched!!! Hugs and love xox

  30. It is so hard when all your life you have been fighting for yourself, fighting to keep your head above water. Or even sometimes just make sure when you wake up in the morning to get up and get on with you day. It is especially difficult to allow someone when you are doing all this in. You make all the excuses: I don’t want to hurt them, I don’t have the time, I can’t deal with them. what about me….etc. But eventually it comes around and gives you a kick in the behind and lets you know you don’t have to be alone. You don’t have to struggle and not have anyone there. I am so glad to hear you say that you know this now because you deserve it!! You deserve someone to make you happy and complete. Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. A kick in the behind indeed. thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement ๐Ÿ™‚ you rock my friend! Hugs and love xox

  31. Good for you Caralyn! I pray God gives you the answer to all of your hopes and dreams ๐Ÿ™‚ And may we all reach that point where we give over whatever it is in our lives to God to control. God Bless!

  32. This was a great post. I too have been in your position. Crazy thing is, this blog post coincides with my recent blog post. Probably a coincidence I am sure but nevertheless it is pretty neat. If you get he chance, go ahead and stop by and read it. “Lonely vs Alone” is the title and I think it is one of my favorite entries. I would love to have you stop by and leave some feedback. I am praying for you Caralyn. Your username is definitely fitting. Be blessed girl, and stay strong! Anything worth having, is worth waiting for. That’s a promise. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. Aw, thank you so much Paul. I will definitely check out your post. thank you for your prayers. you’re awesome! Hugs and love xox

  33. Hey I just wanted to say thanks for reading/supporting my blog, I really appreciate it, whenever you’re in Ohio again I’d love to have the chance to talk to you

  34. Oh, if I were only 50 years younger, I still would not be worth of you. May I suggest you read some of your older posts. Your advise looks spot on. You may already listening, and not acting on what you hear. Love you John.

    1. oh John, I am humbled by such kind words. thank you friend. i will go back and do some reading today ๐Ÿ™‚ big hugs xo

  35. I’m thrilled for you! I’m also re-committing to more intentional prayer – At least once in the car, each way during my daily commute. It’s helped me lessen my anxiety about many different things that have popped up recently. I also had an amazing phone conversation with one of my college roommates this past week, something that we haven’t done in nearly a year. It was refreshing to catch up with her. We talked about our families, marriages, her recent mission trip experiences, and the debate about having children. She and her husband are thinking about adopting, which I find a wonderful opportunity for them. I have added them to my prayer list. I’ve found myself also praying for our future child or children, too. It’s a wonderful feeling. Sending love and prayers! I hope you have a great weekend!

    1. aw, Laura Beth thank you!!! yes! intentional prayer – it’s really something. It has really made such a difference, even in just three short weeks! It is amazing, you open up the door even a crack for Jesus, and He whooshes in fills ya up!! aw, that’s so great that you had that catch up session. friends like that are amazing, aren’t they!? Thank you for the prayers ๐Ÿ™‚ Know that you are in mine too! Hugs and love xox

  36. I don’t really know what to say here, so many thoughts and things to do and yet it’s out of your hands. I guess it’s keep doing what you do and being who you are and that person should come. But what do I know eh? ๐Ÿ™‚

  37. Girl, I totally understand! God is a God of preparation and patience. I’ll be putting out a blog post about how Jesus is not holding out on us this weekend– it may encourage you as you wait! I pray that Jesus makes you more like Him, and that both you and your future husband are prepared to meet, soon! <3

    1. Thank you friend for your prayers. I look forward to reading your post! Hugs and love xox

  38. It’s been 11 years since my divorce, and I tried the app thing, and got responses, but I just couldn’t bring myself to connect. They say that part of the problem when you’re single so long is that the next person has to convince you of why you need them. I, like you, have decided to leave it on the altar, and I have to be prepared that if He says the rest of my mission on this earth is to be done solo, that I’m okay with that. Blessings and continued success to you. The Spirit has stored your tears, and the workings of Heaven have already begun on your behalf. Thank you for continuing to share your story with us.

    1. Thank you for sharing your story. Thatโ€™s some powerful insight. Iโ€™m so glad youโ€™re leaving it on the altar too! I know that God has a good plan for you. I will definitely keep you in my prayers.

  39. But I like being alone. I’m excellent company. ๐Ÿค“

    I do understand that want for someone you haven’t met yet. I cannot fix that for myself, finding love, so I just stopped listening to it.

  40. Awe, I hope for the best for you! ๐Ÿ™‚ God has perfect timing. Something Iโ€™ve learned is sometimes we want to fight Gods timing instead of just accept it. Love yoga too- donโ€™t feel bad for crying in class, it happens to us all sooner or later. Love your blogs. Forever a fan. God bless you! โค๏ธ

  41. Praying that God brings the right person into your life. After my first husband died leaving me with two little girls I needed time for my heart to heal. But after awhile I too felt that loneliness. Even though I had two wonderful daughters, I had had a good marriage and I knew what it meant. I prayed for God and waited for His direction knowing I needed to be very careful remarrying with two little girls. In time, God brought me the perfect husband and perfect father for my girls. The Bible says He is no respecter of persons. If He did it for me, He can and will do it for you. I’m praying and looking forward to hearing all about how and when it happens for you.

    1. Thank you so much Barbara for you prayers. And thank you for sharing your story. Gosh Iโ€™m so sorry you had to walk through that, but Iโ€™m so glad to hear that God as brought things full circle for you. What a beautiful family. Thanks again. Hugs and love xox

  42. Hi Caralyn:
    I believe Jesus has been preparing you, and drawing you closer to Himself than you have ever been, or thought possible.
    Holy Spirit has been working in you, and through you in ways where you have had opportunities to minister by way of writing, as well as living your life in front of many, showing and telling people that Loving, Honouring, Serving our Saviour and Lord Jesus Christ, to the Glory of God our Father, is the number one priority in your life.

    In turn, I believe God is going to honour you, due to your faithfulness. His desire is for you to continue to seek Him, continue to know Him better daily, and grow closer to Him.
    At the same time, I believe Holy Spirit is preparing a gentleman to be drawn into your life, and this gentleman is now seeking a deeper relationship with Jesus also, growing closer to Jesus through prayer and Godโ€™s Word, while he is seeking you through Holy Spirit leading.

    Below are a few verses of Scripture I felt led to give you at this time, suggesting reading, praying them, and believing them, as I will be for you also.

    Matthew 6:33
    33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

    1 Thessalonians 5:16-17
    16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually,

    Proverbs 4:23
    23 Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.

    Jeremiah 29:11-13
    11 For I know the plans I have for you,โ€ declares the Lord, โ€œplans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

    Jeremiah 33:3
    3 โ€˜Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.โ€™

    Psalm 50:14-15
    14 โ€œSacrifice thank offerings to God,
    fulfill your vows to the Most High,
    15 and call on me in the day of trouble;
    I will deliver you, and you will honor me.โ€

    Proverbs 3:5-6
    5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
    6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

    God Bless You Abundantly Caralyn,
    Luv,
    ๐Ÿ˜€โค๏ธ๐ŸŒน๐Ÿ˜˜

    1. Hi George, thank you so much for your beautiful words of affirmation and encouragement. I am humbled by such generous words! This blog has been so instrumental in helping me truly heal from everything. God is so gracious and for that i am forever grateful. Ah, I love those verses. Especially Jer 29! So glad you stopped by! Youโ€™re a blessing to me! Hugs and love xox

  43. I cried at my first yoga class. I was in a resting pose and my teacher said, ‘Now take a deep breath and say to yourself, “I surrender.” And totally surrender to life, to its rhythms, to the universe.’ It was like a damn breaking and everything that was wrong in my life could finally find acknowledgement. It’s moment I’ve never forgotten.

    1. Oh wow that sounds like it was a really powerful experience! Iโ€™m so glad you had that!! Thanks for stopping by. Hugs and love xox

  44. I love the sincerity expressed in this write-up.

    Whenever Godโ€™s intention is set to manifest, He is known to stir up hearts. (โ€ฆthat the word of the LORD by the mouth of Jeremiah might be fulfilled, the LORD stirred up the spirit of Cyrus king of Persia, THAT HE MADE A PROCLAMATIONโ€ฆ) Ezra 1:1.

    The stirring up of your heart, followed by your proclamation can only mean fulfilment is knocking!

    1. Aw thank you so much! Gosh what an exciting thought! Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  45. God bless you for such an honest post. I’m sure we all have felt similar feelings. Opening up to let someone in is always dangerous – we become vunerable. (Look what it cost Jesus!) Yet to live without love is to merely exist. You already open your heart to so many, family, friends even fellow bloggers romantic love is merely the next step which I’m sure will open to you when that kindred spirit appears. You are wise to put the matter of romantic love in Jesus hands for only He knows the innermost hearts

    1. Thank you so much Claire ๐Ÿ™‚ yeah it makes you feel super vulnerable and exposed for sure! I know – it cost Him everything. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs and love xox

  46. Oh my gosh, I always get so excited when I see you have a new post! Loved reading this!! Iโ€™ve only โ€œknownโ€ you a short while, but, I feel like we go way back, like you and your yoga bestie! Funny how a blog can do that. You let US all in but yet struggle to let โ€œpeopleโ€ in your real life. You got this, Caralyn! Trust God! He will bring you your man! I have kept a prayer journal (on and off) throughout my life. The one that holds my prayer from October 1, 2002 is kept treasured in my night stand. I was at my place of surrender too. I even cried out to God to introduce me to my future husband that month! Low and behold I met Mr. Wonderful October 22nd. We were married 5 months later! Just celebrated our 15th anniversary on May 10th! Proverbs 16:9 says, โ€œWe can make our plans, but the LORD determines our stepsโ€œ Praying for you to be open and allow God to write your love story…and honestly, I CANโ€™T wait to read it!! <3

    1. Oh my gosh youโ€™re so sweet to say that, thank you Nita!! Haha awesome! I know I love how the blog community does that!! Thank you for this beautiful encouragement. It seriously means the world. Iโ€™m so glad you know the power of a prayer journal too! And wow! 15 years, thatโ€™s so amazing! Congrats! You two have a beautiful love story. Thank you, friend!! Have a beautiful weekend! Big big hugs! Xox

  47. Caralyn, I’ve watched you walk through this struggle, and have felt very close to your heart at times. If you don’t mind, I’d like to summarize your story as I understand it.

    You grew up on stage, joyfully sharing yourself with the world.
    Something happened, and you decided to remove yourself from the world.
    You found Jesus standing like a shining star between you and self-destruction.
    You rested in his strength, gathering courage and self-belief.
    You tried (at first anonymously!) to reveal his presence inside you to the world, but feared that it would be corrupted and your story might fold back on itself.
    You are confident now that nothing will ever come between you and his love.
    You are ready to transmit that love to others without reservation, secure in the knowledge that he will always be with you.
    As all things true and beautiful gravitate to his presence, you will find there your heart’s desire.

    Yes, it is time. God bless you.

    1. Gosh Brian, I am so touched that you would know my story. Thank you friend. Yes it IS time! I am grateful to have a friend like you! Hugs and love xox

  48. Okay… no idea how I was NOT following you already!!! I just wanted to say thank you for continuing to come by my blog, even though I am not the most reliable of posters. It really makes my day when I see that you have liked one of my posts. Again, not sure how I wasn’t following you already, because I completely thought I was, but I have rectified the situation. Thanks for being so supportive <3 have an AMAZING Saturday! Hope all is well with you, I think I have said it before, but you are such an amazing human being. I am super happy that I found your blog. Not so much for the words (though they're also fantastic!), but for your indomitable spirit. You are awesome.
    PS- If you haven't seen the post about it yet, I started a YouTube channel… my first videos are a work in progress… but I like to think they're improving. It seems like something you would be interested in, but if not, that's okay, too! (I won't put a link in your comments, but the name of my channel is The Joyful Bohemian, if you were interested in checking it out!)

    1. Oh my gosh you are too kind. Thank you love! Iโ€™m so glad our paths crossed too!! Canโ€™t wait to check out your YouTube! Hugs and love xox

  49. Your further husband will come to see, his time was well spent in search of thee, as your best friend he will come to be, but until then you still have me.

    1. Thank you Sandy, that is an exciting thought for sure! I appreciate your encouragement and friendship! Hugs and love xox

  50. You have chosen the best anchor of all, our Lord and Savior. He will guide you. One of the hardest things to learn after a deep wound is that when you try again, you may get hurt again, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try again. Modern life has just ruined dating. People are so wrapped up in themselves and what they want or need. Relationships function best when each person thinks of the other more than him or herself. At 59, I am still hopeful, but ronmance is not something I concentrate on. Incidentally, you might like my blog: http://www.chilkootpass.com. I write about Christian faith and conservative politics.
    Blessings to you. Keep up the great work!

  51. I too have experienced everything you so eloquently described. Trusting God can seem hard, but thw rewards actually are heavenly. I’m so honored to have followed your journey. CHW for what comes next <3

    1. Thank you friend ๐Ÿ™‚ amen – His rewards are amazing! Hugs and love xox

  52. I experienced such a similar heartโ€™s cry on the journey of learning to trust to God entirely to fulfill it. Despite being given a hard time by a handful of friends who thought it was naive to think I didnโ€™t have to go out there and make it happen, I kept surrendering and trusting. God was faithful! I have spent the past 6 years married to an amazing man who was the answer to my heartโ€™s cry. I know He will do the same for you ๐Ÿ˜˜

    1. Aw thank you for sharing this. And wow 6 years – thatโ€™s amazing! Congrats! Hugs and love xox

  53. I see your situation differently. Like you I used to yearn to meet the love of my life. I am now at a place, after twenty years in a toxic relationshop, where I am so relieved to be once again alone. Cherish this time in your life. Perhaps try to see it as a gift.
    I wish I had appreciated my many years of being young, free and single more, instead of continually worrying, I would never meet the man of my dreams. Carolyn I have been right where you are. I know this sounds corny but I honestly believe this time in your life is a gift. Freedom is precious. When the time is right, I feel sure God will bring the right person into your life.
    I know whenever I have decided in the past to just go out and enjoy my life, rather than make seeking a partner my focus, was when things tended to happen. Forgive me please if you know all this but watch out for the relationship red flags. Loneliness is hard but I believe finding yourself stuck in a toxic situation is much worse.

    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement. Youโ€™re so right – this time really is a gift – and I am grateful for that. Thank you for your kindness. Hugs and love xox

  54. Saw this today after reading your post and I thought of you: “She focused on God. He did the same. God gave them each other.” <3

    1. Thank you Tina. Oh wow that just gave me goosebumps! So beautiful. Hugs and love xox

  55. I absolutely LOVE this post. I have struggled with eating disorders in my past and fought God so hard on so much but the minute I calmed down and let myself fall, it was terrifying, but I saw just how much He had blessed me. I feel hypocritical because I go back to fighting him so often but I’m trying to stop that part of myself and just embrace his plan.

    1. Aw thank you friend. Amen – He HAS blessed us incredibly and His plan is perfect ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

  56. So, your parents, and maybe even your anchor (mom) has probably been praying for your future husband a long time, and your Father, has said: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” Ask Our Father for the husband He has for you.

    1. Thank you – yes. I do trust that God is answer our prayers. I just need to trust and have patience! Hugs and love xox

  57. Sometimes the way we imagine things is not quite the way God plans them. For instance, St. Francis heard the voice “repair my church” and took it literally, making repairs to a local building. But God meant so much more.

    Anyhow… that’s just a jaded perspective from an old guy who thought he had met the one he was to marry in his late teens/early twenties…

    I hope you find your Mr. Right! ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thank you friend – that really is a great perspective. Gotta have patience! Hugs and love xox

  58. Hey love! This was a beautiful post. I know first hand how hard it can be to open up. I struggled in this area when I met my (now husband.) I was brought to Him… we actually met in service. So I know that at the right time God will bring you to someone or him to you. And when that happens it will be such a blessing. That man will love you for you and accept everything about you. I know he will love you unconditionally and be an example of the Father’s love for you, as well. It was like that for me, so I pray that it will be the same for you.

    It’s such a blessing when we wait on God to bring us who we need. <3 Praying for you, love! Be blessed.

    1. Thank you so much for this beautiful encouragement and prayer. Amen – God will bring him into my life I trust that! Hugs and love xox

  59. I am working on this very thing. I am trusting in the Lord to deal with a serious problem that I just feel is too big. For the first time I heard HIS voice. In my devotional Bible, it said that all pain may be shaping you into what He wants you to be and there is a battle in the heavens for your prayer answer. Girl, lemme tell you without my pain and suffering I would not have become who I am. You might not be who God wants you to be yet. You might think you’re blooming but it’s too soon. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. Thanks friend for this powerful perspective. I think thereโ€™s a lot of truth in that. Hugs and love xox

  60. I did yoga in the hospital where I spent 7 months recovering from anorexia … and the first time I tried the Child’s Pose, I sobbed like, well, a child! It had been a very stressful first week for me, and I was afraid of how my body was going to change as I gained weight and got my health back up, so when I curled up in that vulnerable position, it was like a dam broke loose.

    1. Aw thank you for sharing your story MT. yeah, I can definitely understand that feeling. Sending so much love xox

  61. “I am tired of being alone…But I want to share my life with someone. And I think I am finally, finally ready to open my heart to that possibility.” Again, these are your words, not mine. Let me take you back to a time long before you were born. In 1982-83, I was a young man in the Single Adult group of my church. There was much talk about the “next step” in becoming an adult after finishing school and getting a career was obviously to get married. It was almost as if for those of us approaching 25 our warranty was about to expire. For those of us who were still in school, (and at this church it better be a good Bible College), it was time to get moving!
    Well, not wanting to disappoint, I got to looking. Long story short, I married someone who would make a good friend but not a good life partner. In fact, the marriage lasted only two years. I won’t go into the sorted details of who was to blame for what but the point is, even setting apart anything for which she could be blamed, the fact that I rushed into something just to avoid being alone was enough.
    You are a daughter of the King of kings and He has a plan for you that is unfolding and being played out in your life every day. You write about it and share it with countless people all the time, not to mention the lives you touch when you interact with people daily. You are a beautiful person inside and out and when God sees fit to bring your husband to you, it will be the right one. In the meantime, keep in mind that I already told you that you would make an adorable nun a few months ago.

    Love and Blessings,
    Jim

    1. Thank you so much for sharing that. Iโ€™m sorry that it didnโ€™t work out, Jim. Youโ€™re so right – God has a plan for every one of us ๐Ÿ™‚ and we can place our trust in the fact that it is good ! hah and yes i definitely remember! ๐Ÿ™‚ sending big hugs xo

      1. For what it’s worth, she and I both ended up finding the right person later and while she ended up going to be with the Lord a few years ago, I have now been married to my angel for 16 years.
        Your destiny is in the Father’s hands.
        Love and Blessings,
        Jim

      2. Thank you again Jim. Your faith and your story are so inspiring. ๐Ÿ’›

  62. I really hope you find that true love that you so long for! Keep setting those intentions and manifesting what you want! Yoga is a great tool! Good luck!

    1. aw Anna, I’m so sorry to hear that, friend. Hang in there. Praying for you ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

  63. Good luck! God cares about you and Iโ€™m sure heโ€™s got the perfect guy waiting to just find the best time to walk into your life

    1. Aw thank you for this wonderful encouragement ๐Ÿ™‚ it really means a lot. I believe that too! Hugs and love xox

  64. I’ve noticed that you like to bring two sides to every blog post. Like, for instance “The B Word.” I thought it was about a totally different topic. You bring someone in looking for fodder, to then preach this Jesus of yours. Always a hook to bring in your Jesus. Somehow this post was all about you. Again, until the end, and again, about your Jesus. You were the hook for your Jesus. I’ve just noticed that. You carried your single thread further in this post than in any other that I’ve read. I don’t know if you know what I’m saying…

  65. Hey girl, you got this! Being lonely is hard but Godโ€™s better is always better! I prayed for my childrenโ€™s and now grand childrenโ€™s spouses since they were babies. All of my boys have perfect matches for them. Itโ€™s not always smooth sailing but they are all blessings to our family and I know God has the most special spouse out there for my precious baby girl. Keep praying and doing the things you love to do – Our God – is good at big plans. Heโ€™s may be working 19 miles upstream where you canโ€™t see but together – you got this!

  66. Beautifully put. I understand the difficulty in letting someone in, and am glad youโ€™ve found enough healing in Jesus to finally begin to try. Iโ€™m not sure if youโ€™re familiar with Brene Brown but sheโ€™s got a very good book about that called the gifts of imperfection. If you havenโ€™t read it, or any of her books you should check them out. Daring greatly is also good.

  67. As usual, I love it. Sounds like you’re ready and you’re certainly not the only one to follow this path. My wife and i watched this video (link below) last night, maybe you’ll find it encouraging.

    It’s Jen McMillian (from one of those big churches!) talking about her experience of being unmarried and childless with no obvious prospect of either changing… and giving it to God.

    https://youtu.be/KdP0rLnljZ0?t=1m48s

    1. Thank you Stephen ๐Ÿ™‚ I canโ€™t wait to watch the video!!!! thanks for passing it along!!! Hugs and love xox

  68. Caralyn, thank you for embracing vulnerability and sharing your beautiful heart with us! Iโ€™m always uplifted when I read of your posts and your love of Jesus. Iโ€™ve been where youโ€™re at and even though the right guy hasnโ€™t walked in yet what I did find was more beauty and joy in the world. Hard to imagine, right?! We have to acknowledge a tremendous amount of beauty to get to the place where we are open to love – and as long as we keep our hearts that open and that aware of the beauty God sends for us, our joy will increase forevermore! At some point the right guy will become a part of that joy, (and what a lucky guy he will be!) but until then just continue loving life and loving the journey as we love you!

    1. aw, thank you so much Nicole. that’s so kind of you to say! yes! great advice. Hugs and love xox

  69. This is awesome. I believe that I’ve been in the beginning stages of getting ready for a spouse and I am definitely ready to close some of these gaps while in my singleness. Thanks for sharing your journey. It definitely helps to see someone else’s thought process when it comes to the same struggles I deal with. And I’m definitely a person who would cry at yoga! No shame! LOL

  70. I am honestly in the same season of life right now, I am tired of being alone, I am ready to share my life with someone. But something the Lord has been teaching me is that HE is in the Waiting! So I am trusting Him and waiting on Him for His perfect timing!

  71. This post made me cry when you first posted it several days ago. You and I are in the same boat!!

    I don’t know why you think you don’t let people in, though!! You blog!! That’s letting people in!! And you wrote your Bloom book!!

    We need some men.

    1. Awww thank you Meg. So glad it resonated with you. Haha yeah I guess thatโ€™s true. I guess I mean *in the flesh, person to person* if that makes sense. Haha Hugs and love xox

  72. What a beautiful post darling. Rhis IS a big step & Jesus has the most wonderful man just waiting to meet you. Believe it. โคโคโค
    Blessings,
    Debra
    stylewisebydebra.net

  73. Wow! Just amazing! So to my heart and truth! I too am weary of loneliness and I too believe that the swiping phenomena has completely destroyed any hope for romance in the modern era! I preach this all the time. Iโ€™m also a headstrong woman with my own plans for my business and have found myself very comfortable in my journey to self. I love what I do and would love to find the perfect person to share this experience with. Iโ€™m not sure if he exists or if I will ever find him. And frankly, at 41, Iโ€™m beginning to believe that Iโ€™m just meant to wander this world alone for some reason. Iโ€™ve experienced this similar experience. While at church one Sunday we had the opportunity to create an intention for ourselves and meditate on that intention for a quiet moment. I began praying for a partner. I was begging God to show me who this person would be and make him so strong that I couldnโ€™t push him away (because thatโ€™s apparently what I do). In this moment, I began to sob uncontrollably! I donโ€™t even mean pretty, movie star tears! I began to gush out a rushing flood of emotions complete with snot and slobber. A woman down the row from me politely handed me a tissue and after getting a good look at my face, went back to fetch me the entire box. That was several years ago. Iโ€™ve met plenty of eligible men since then but none with โ€œsticking powerโ€. Doing my best to keep the hope alive. ๐Ÿ˜ I appreciate so much your willingness to share this experience. Itโ€™s good to know there are others out there who feel this way! โค๏ธ

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your story. Gosh what a powerful prayer experience. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. God has someone for you! And he will be worth the wait!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs and love xox

  74. Thank you for liking my blog post. I loved your Crying at Yoga. I am praying for you to find your fellow very soon.

  75. “And I welcome Jesusโ€™ plan to come to fruition in my life!” AMEN SIS! <3 you know, I've been feeling the same way most lately now that I'm growing closer to Jesus and experiencing TRUE and eternal love, I keep telling myself, Hey I think its time I meet my spouse lol…but I know God is still working on me and well I'll leave that in his hands and in his perfect timing he will send Him in Jesus Name! He'll send the right one for you as well. Continue to grow in him and experience his love and grace and just when you know it…BAM! Here comes your spouse haha! <3

    1. thank you friend ๐Ÿ™‚ haha that’ll be the day! i’ll have a big party when that happens! Hugs and love xox

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