Pass the Vodka – I’ve Got Big News

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It’s currently 5pm, and I’m drinking a stiff vodka/soda, because friends… this post…is one of those that I simply cannot believe I’m publishing.

And frankly, I don’t really know exactly how I’m going to go about putting this – but, let’s just dive right in, shall we? ((I’m stalling.))

First, allow me to set the stage.

Anorexia is a five letter “b-word” that rhymes with witch.

*Shakes head…* No, this is the wrong approach.

It’s no secret that anorexia destroys every aspect of a person’s life, from relationships, to the mind, to the soul. But most dangerously: the body. In an effort to stay alive, one’s starving body begins to consume itself for fuel. Muscles deteriorate, bone mass deteriorates, brain matter deteriorates, and the organs are not immune to this deterioration. Which is why people die from anorexia: because the heart is a muscle, and it too, slowly shuts down.

But a girl’s reproductive system is usually the first “to go” when the body is in a state of starvation. The body cannot sustain its own life, let alone bring another into the world. And hence, why women with anorexia lose their periods and have bodies that appear to have “forgotten” to go through puberty.

And sadly, a woman’s fertility doesn’t always come back. Even after healing from an eating disorder, and being calorically and nutritionally sound, sometimes, the reproductive system never fully recovers. Particularly given an acutely severe and extended period of malnourishment.

And well, that was the case with me.

Fast forward to more recent history. You may remember, two Christmases ago, I experienced a miracle: I got my very first period.

I’m not being facetious or exaggerating in the slightest with the “miracleness” of it all. It involved standing under a huge advent wreath, and the annunciation of Mary. Anywho – long story short, I got my period for the first time, ever in my entire life.

A truly candid photo capturing the wreath’s “grace portal”

And it was this huge, incredibly amazing blessing. Praise God, what a gift.

But…

I never got another period again. That was in 2017.

Until…

Last week.

Yep…the night I published my post about “saying yes” to all the opportunities coming my way, and about embracing dating with all my heart…I get greeted by Aunt Flow. Oh the irony of it all.

And if you think I didn’t call my mom at midnight, in a flurry of joyful tears and gratitude, then you’d be mistaken.

Yep – consider this another miracle. Thank you, Jesus.

Sitting here, reflecting on all of this…a) I can’t believe I just shared that with you. But more than the mortification of what I just shared, I am just smiling and laughing to myself at God’s timing of it all.

I mean, I had literally just published a post about finally feeling ready to bring love into my life, and earnestly seeking Mr. Right. And here, God was actually physically telling me that: Yes, in fact, I am now ready for love.

If I’m being really honest, this was something that had really been holding me back from exploring dating. The fact that I had this big issue hanging over my head made me feel, almost dishonest or deceptive, when going into a potential relationship.

It was this “bomb” I was going to have to drop on whomever I was dating, that…I can’t give you children. And of course, I’m not saying this is a first date conversation…but in my mind it was this “baggage” that, quite honestly, kept me from putting myself out there in the dating world.

And let me pause for a moment, to say that – I know that infertility is a painful topic that a lot, a lot of women face. And it is something that, like I experienced, is such a personal, vulnerable issue that causes so much sorrow, and I just want to say — I see you. I love you. I feel what you’re carrying in your heart. And I am praying for you. God creates families in so many beautiful, different, ways. And praise God for that.

This “arrival” last week, was completely unexpected. And joyfully – gratefully – received.

I have no idea what’s going on, but I feel kind of like I’m sitting in a corn field in Kansas, watching as the winds are picking up, and the clouds are gathering in from all directions, and there’s going to be a beautiful, powerful storm of grace and mercy.

My longing for love. My willingness to put myself out there in the dating world. The arrival of my womanhood.

God is working overtime. And I can see the pieces slowly coming together.

I am so excited to see what God has planned, and what’s next in my story. Thank you, God!

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296 thoughts on “Pass the Vodka – I’ve Got Big News”

      2. I totally gotcha. Yeah I was heavily debating publishing it for that very reason, but I thought – this is God’s grace, and truly a miracle, and yall are such great friends, and have been on this journey with me, so I just couldn’t keep the news of His glory to myself. Like you said! A celebration!

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  2. That’s wonderful, Caralyn! Glory to God in the Highest! I’m so happy for your miracle!!! May this be the beginning of many more blessings for you.
    (Please do something for me? In your Blessed moment, would you please pray for me, Michael? I hope for a miracle, too….)

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  3. Sweet woman, I am so happy for you ! Carbs. Eat carbs! That will keep it going. Baked potatoes are awesome for that. White and sweet. And bananas. Praying God brings you the husband of your dreams.

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    1. Aw thank you so much!!! Haha I have two bananas a day! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 I truly appreciate your prayers! Big hugs xox

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  4. I do not recommend acupuncture for spiritual reasons… but Chinese herbal medicine is safe – and can support fertility. Just thoughts. (I’d personally rather let God take the whole wheel, though. Let ‘er rio, Lord!… OK, maybe not the best expression in this context… But may the Almighty God completely do all He can for you, through Mary’s endless “YES.”)

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    1. interesting!! hahah you’re funny! I had a good laugh with this one 🙂 But you’re so right! Her Yes was powerful! hugs xo

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  6. I am so so so happy for you. Congratulations!

    I got mine back at the beginning of this month and instead of joy I felt dread and panic. It has always been a touchy subject for me and I suppose, in a way, I resent my period somewhat. But I long for the day that I actually get my period and feel joy at how healthy I am.

    Thank you for sharing this! Again I am so happy that you have finally reached this stage 🙂

    • Nyxie

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    1. Hi Nyxie! Oh gosh, thank you so much for your kind words! Oh praise God!! you’re so right – there is joy to be found with this news 🙂 a little getting used to, but gosh just think about the immense blessing 🙂 cheering for you, too!! hugs xo

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  9. I think my other comment didn’t post…please excuse me if it posted twice but…so happy for you!!! That’s wonderful news! Praying for your continued healing and health 🙂

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    1. not to worry!! 🙂 thank you again, dear friend!! have a wonderful night, and thanks again for your prayers! xo

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  11. Praise God. I love your transparency. I know it’s tough to be so real but I know God will use it to help others.

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    1. Thank you so much Mike. Yeah, this was a little scary to publish, but I had to share the glory of God! hugs xo

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      1. As a pastor, it’s hard to talk about my battles with depression but I do to help others. I can be transparent to a fault. I’m learning to have a healthy balance. I’ve trusted the wrong people and they have used my social media to hurt me. I’m being wiser about who I let speak into my life while keeping transparency in my ministry.

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      2. You are impacting so many with your vulnerability and honesty. Cheering for your ministry, friend. I’m sorry you have been hurt. Keep putting yourself out there. You’re making a difference!

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    1. Thank you so much Steve! Ooooh I haven’t but I really want to!! I’ll have to check it out!!!! hugs xox

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  14. I have seen for myself this week that miracles do indeed happen. Nothing is impossible for God, and it’s His own business who He intercedes for and what He decides to do. We just have to sit back and enjoy the ride! Hugs and love, dear lady. — Mike

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    1. that’s amazing, Mike. YOu’re so right – miracles DO happen. And how blessed are we to have such a generous Father! thanks friend. hugs x

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  15. One day when you’re really bored, pick up my book about my time in a monastery. You find I was 33 when I married, still a virgin, and last Tuesday my wife Barbara and I celebrated 25 years of marriage. Everyone is unique and so is their story. As your story continues to unfold, you will reach a wider and wider audience with hope and celebration. As God’s mysterious glory works in and through you, you’ll smile big, be humbled by His presence and grace, and cheerfully wonder, “What’s next?” And so will the readers you minister to. Blessings, my sister.

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    1. Oh wow, Jim, that’s amazing. I will definitely have to check out your book! what a story. And congrats on 25 years – that is truly something to celebrate! hugs xo

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  16. I love you and your honesty. You are so “out there,” and so encouraging to others who have (or are ) facing (or faced) the struggles you have. You bring us along with you – and help us want to sign up for your Cheer Team. I can’t imagine a single, eligible bachelor who wouldn’t love you at first sight!! ❤

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    1. Hi Jan, oh gosh thank you so much for your beautiful words of encouragment. I am so grateful for your cheers!! 🙂 haha aww, what a kind thing to say. thanks again, dear friend! hugs xo

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  17. Wow. I admire your authenticity and transparency. And I’m rejoicing with you!!! There’s a little private celebration going on in my house right now, just me and God, and I’m so excited at what He has done and is doing in your life.

    Don’t ever stop being the courageous, beautiful woman you are. (Even if it takes a little vodka… haha.)

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    1. thank you so much Rebecca! yes! there’s so much to celebrate!!! you’re so sweet, thank you dear friend. God is so so good! hahha 🙂 big hugs xo

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  19. So happy for your happy! Ours truly is a God of miracles. We don’t have to work for His love, but I do think we receive it in greater abundance when we are about His Son’s work, and you truly have been. Joy to you!

    Now, about that Mr. Right…

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    1. Thank you so much!! 🙂 A God of miracles!! amen to that 🙂 thanks so much for your kind words! hugs xo

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    1. Thank you Tonya! Yes!! God is SO good – I’m so grateful for His blessings! thanks for your kind words, dear friend 🙂 big hugs xx

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  21. Wow!! God bless menstruation! Wait until your hormones are in full gear, complete with PMS, and you’ll be singing a different tune! 😀 But seriously, this is a huge blessing!! And an accomplishment!! Great job!!

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    1. Hey Meg! hahaha yes! God bless menstruation indeed hahahahaha but for real 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing in the joy with me! hugs xo

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  24. Congratulations! I remember your celebration of the first one, and am SO thankful for God’s reassurance in this second one that is allowing you to just be YOU. Never stop being open and vulnerable. You are helping so many people.

    I think you’d enjoy my friend Bekah’s blog, if you have a moment to visit it. It’s called Barren to Beautiful, and she takes you through her journey of spiritual barrenness that accompanied the physical one. https://barrentobeautiful.com/

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    1. Aw thank you so much!!! Yes! God is so good 🙂 and awesome – I will definitely check it out, thank you for passing her blog along! Hugs and love xox

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  25. Hi Care! From a single guy’s perspective, I’d never consider your actions dishonest or deceptive. Children are a miraculous gift from God, and even couples with no physical issues sometimes have problems. God brings them in His time, in His way. Keep walking through the doors He opens for you, and keep your eyes open for the one He’s picked out. I guarantee, nothing in your past will matter to him. God will have prepared his heart just for you. And the children will come when He’s ready.

    Was going to say I’d pray for you, but let’s just do it now. Father, You know Caralyn’s heart because You skillfully and lovingly fashioned it. You know the desires You’ve placed there and the ability to care for others that she’ll make use of when You bring children into her life. Continue to open doors for her as You prepare her for the one You are bringing to her. And let each thing You allow to reach her mold her into Your image as You make her ready for him. Keep her eyes on You. Thank you, Father!

    Have a great weekend, Care!

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    1. Hi Kenneth, wow thank you so much for such a beautiful prayer. I am truly so touched. You’re a good friend. Amen, and thank you Father!

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  26. May the man who God brings to YOU be a blessing to YOU as YOU are a blessing to him. As for me, I am still waiting for that lady to come, but I am not rushing.

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  27. There’s a sweetness in your vulnerability and willingness to share uncomfortable details. All for God’s glory, right?! Ive prayed for you when you’ve crossed my mind (funny how reading a blog can make you think of someone!), praying God readies your heart for the man He has been preparing for you. It will be a beautiful thing!

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    1. Oh my gosh that touches my heart so much. Thank you for your prayers and for such kind words. Amen to that! God’s got a beautiful plan! Hugs and love xox

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  29. Thank you again for being real and being honest. I was slightly taken aback by the vodka and soda reference, because, like many evangelical Christians, God has convicted me against drinking and smoking which were habits before I was saved. Having now been a cancer survivor for over 10 years I can say gratefully that God has been there through it all.

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    1. Thanks Bruce 🙂 I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, I don’t really drink – usually only once a week on the weekend. Yes! God is there through it all! Hugs and love xox

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  30. I am smiling with you, Caralyn! Not only at the news of another period, but at the way God is working in your life. I’ve experienced his grace in my own life, and am so happy to see it blooming in your own. God is so gracious and good! Praising him!

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    1. Hi Hannah! Oh thank you so much 🙂 you’re so right about that – He is SO gracious and good!! Big hugs to you xox

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    1. Hi Sarah!! Aww thank you so much!! Amen to that – cheers to His beautiful surprises! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Thank you dear friend. Yeah a little embarrassing, but it is such a testimony to God’s grace and mercy and I just had to share! Hugs and love xox

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    1. Hahah oh my gosh I don’t know if you meant that as a joke but I think it’s hysterical!! And a great idea!!! Thanks David! I seriously am going to reach out to them! What an awesome idea!! Hugs and love xox

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      1. I don’t know, half-joking I guess. I guess when we look at our culture and how distorted our concept of sexuality is, maybe ought to talk about women’s health with contraception de-emphasized. We need to change the direction of our dialogue around fatherhood, motherhood and the family. We’ve let a paradigm rule that makes children 1) glorified pets and 2) units that fit into some sort of perverse human ecosystem. We (meaning Catholics and like minded friends) need to take pro-life beyond the womb. That the human race is intended to thrive by God. It’s more than what a comment on a blog can offer. But in short, want children and a functioning traditional family are good things.

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      2. That is so SO true. Pro life 👏🏼beyond 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 womb!! Oh my gosh yes!! This was so uplifting!!

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  41. Caralyn, congratulations! God is good and so loving and kind to us. I find your posts refreshing and honest. You tackle the hard subjects. Blessings, love and hugs!

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  42. Hi Sis,

    As I guy, I always try to avoid conversations and readings that involve… periods. Hey, what can I say?

    However, as I read your post, I was elated with joy and whispered outloud, “Thank You, Jesus!”

    I’m a 53 year old pastor, been married 32 years, and by now I have a lot of experience with life and it’s many challenges (and hopefully I’m a bit more mature today than when I started😁). Your posting is absolutely beautiful, and is a completely appropriate expression of thankfulness to God.

    Thank You for your continuing transparency-of-heart as you walk through this life with your faith in Christ, and as God heals you in so many ways.

    See you at the altar in prayer.
    ✝️❤️📖🙏🏻🎶😇

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    1. Hahha thank you so much, David. Yeah, I hesitated posting this for that very reason, but I thought – this is such a powerful showing of God’s goodness and His grace, I just had to share. And you guys have been with me in this journey, so I just had to bring you guys along on this exciting miracle! Thank you so much for such encouraging words. I am seriously so touched. Congratulations on 32 years! That is truly something to celebrate! Thank you for your prayers!! Blessings to you, David!!

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  44. Hard to say dating is not judgemental. Many of our insecurities, are needless worry to someone that actually wants to be with someone.

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      1. I’m standing at a sign in this cowboy bar. “God put angels on Earth and called them cowboys.” (Tippin’ my hat to you).

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      7. My family rodeos. Then, does farm work. They drive, cattle across the desert. Maybe, we have different definitions of hard work and cowboys. Anybody. Can, put a cowboy hat on but few people are cowboys.

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      15. Maybe. Sometimes, we marry our jobs. Then, real people are just “side chicks” to work. Something, I think about for myself. Beautiful women, bother me but I have to take care of my parents. I really don’t know why, I’m not pretty. I also have my kids. So. The romance, is not discounted. Love. Should be, and feel like love from the first moments. Love is, different than romance. Romance is like, lets go everywhere but love is, I’m happy with right now. Next, to you.

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      17. I’d sit with, my 31 year old friend with ED in hospice. She said, she was to marry as soon as she was better. I’d fill her meds. If longing, had weight it sat on her shoulders. I’d check her operation waiting list status. She died waiting to start her life. Don’t wait. Go.

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      19. I’m glad. I knew her. I’m glad. You got your life back. Love is, small and short sometimes.

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      21. Maybe. You’re trying for someone like that. Familiar, so the insecurities stopping you from being close with someone. Don’t, really need to be said. You’re, still young.

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      23. There was a really neat independent movie in the Bronx about a couple. They met at a laundry. They just, clicked. He’s hiding taking care of his ailing father and she’s hiding that she has a list of pills to take for her to be, okay. The last scene she’s so frustrated with him and herself, she can’t uncap an injection. They’ve been broken up for a while but he rubs her back and uncaps the needle and she lifts her shirt to her abdomen. After the injection, she cries and he just holds her. I can’t remember the name of the movie. It was, very similar to this conversation.

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  45. Only you can take the subject of having periods and make it both funny and sacred at the same time! Good job, Caralyn! Your Prince Charming is out there and I can’t wait to meet him one day. Love you.💕

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    1. Hi Mary!! Haha oh gosh thank you so much. Yeah, a bit of an unconventional topic, but it speaks to the glory and goodness of God so I had to put my pride aside this time 🙂 thanks for saying that. Boy, that’ll be the day when I get to introduce Mr. Right! I can’t wait too!! Hope you have a beautiful weekend. Goodnight, and thanks so much for stopping by and reading! Love and hugs xox

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    1. Thank you so much Tony!! When I was growing up I wanted ten kids!!!!! Hahaha yikes! I’ve let that go, but I’ll take as many as the good Lord wants to give. Hugs and love xox

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    1. oh my gosh, i am seriously so touched by that. thank you my dear friend. praying for you as well!! 🙂 hugs xox

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  48. Praise be to God! Caralyn, that is such good news for you! And your hubby! 😉
    And as far as miracles go, it’s the same as the healing of the woman who touched the hem of Christ’s robe! She had years of bleeding that could NOT be stopped, had spent all the money she possessed on physicians, and still could not find relief. Your excitement and faithfulness to praise Him openly is a delight to His heart. I celebrate and praise with you! Glory be to God!

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    2. oh wow – i love that bible story. It is so powerful, her faith is so inspiring. Thank you so much, Gail, for sharing in the joy with me. big big hugs to you xox

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  49. Amen! Halleluah!

    Miracles abound all around
    Hear thy mighty sound

    Glory, Glory, Glory
    Is our story

    Glory, Glory, Glory
    Is our story

    Praise the one
    And only Son

    Who gave thee
    Life to be
    Here today
    Carried away

    Glory, Glory, Glory
    Is our story

    Freshly written, what do you think?

    **amen, to Gods perfect timing and confirmation.

    He doesn’t leave us doubting, lost and afraid.
    You will know Him, when you meet Him. If it is From Gods plan and will, because you have come to know and recognize God’s distinct touch in your life, His presence and voice is your calmness and peace, it is your completeness.

    And that sense of being whole and complete occurs on two levels- on a divine Godly- and on a secondary marital physical level. The person fills you on the human soul level. The soul then finally exhales in relief, for the long tedious search and want is finally over. Home it has found. The two souls fit together and form a universal HOME, found in the union of each other, now they are complete. They walk as one. Free to lay down roots and build a life anywhere, for their home and sanctuary has already been forged by LOVE. Eternally magnificent and forever victorious.

    lastly, word of the wise- remember you envisioned the perfect mate, perfect as in perfect just for you, but you didn’t and could not forsee his weaknesses and flaws, which will give rise to HE MIGHT NOT BE THE ONE. Maybe I got it wrong. God didn’t get it wrong. He got is right. He always does.

    We are works in progress till we ascend, and still after that. If we waited for the perfect time of complete uprightness and virtue there would be no marriages.

    And don’t ever forget this- ever- always- okay?

    That because you are a child of God, and married to another child of God, you will automatically rise to priority two on the enemies hit list.

    To destroy all resemblance of family unity, and any marriages blessed by God, anything involving VOWS to God, or to another in the name of God, to try and stop wonderful opportunities that a married couple serving Christ together have which makes believers out of non believers! AMEN.

    The enemy can make you hear things, something at just the right time, to really throw a wrench in things. Remember, yes you heard another woman’s voice, no doubt it was real, but your husband said he was alone. Surely then he must be lying and cheating.
    Do not presume. The enemy would love that. All I had to do is make her hear a woman’s voice and she was putty in my hands. It is so hard to understand this, to even remember and recall such a thing is possible, much less to account for it as the cause. BUT it is real. And I share with u, to help you be prepared. In Jesus name.

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    1. wow what a beautiful poem! Thank you for this powerful response! so much beautiful food for thought! hugs xox

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